Original subtitles

MY BROTHER-IN-LAW KILLED MY SISTER

So here you are, Sir, part of the French Academy.

Joy! A day of joy!

You're with us at last.

And...

I don�t think any other election to our ranks gave me

as much happiness as yours.

Except mine, and a few more!

It's because you and I have known each other from a tender age.

I was your Montaigne and you my La Bo�tie,

or vice-versa!

So, as I must force my talent to receive your praise, I ought to stop.

Because, Sir,

you were, in some way, the father

of modern anthropology.

You led us closer, to become almost fraternal,

with tribes that appeared as extinct as the Hula-Bikis,

the Maozonas, not to mention those fascinating Pornos of Northern Australasia!

If you were still young,

without the wisdom that stopped you scouring the jungles and savannahs,

to become, as argued by the spiteful, an indoor explorer,

I say you�d be one of the greatest writers of our time!

Know this...

Look into my eyes...

Your main claim to fame

is that you've remained a good guy.

Not only a good guy, but a good character!

Not just a good character, but a girlish charmer!

Mr Octave Clapoteau.

If you thought, Sir,

to offend my modesty,

then you don't know me to the core.

Otherwise...

you would know that I am immensely immodest.

However,

I greatly appreciated your conclusion,

about my girlish charm.

Coming from you,

it�s better than a compliment,

it�s a guarantee.

It's better than a certificate,

It's a label!

Because,

truth be told,

I've never felt more like a kid than today,

never more astonished...

more topsy-turvy,

than at this moment, when it�s my honour to be received by this noble company,

and received by you, Sir,

who is...

who was,

who will be, et-cetera, et-cetera!

By you, Sir,

who,

gives modern psychoanalysis so much of its lustre.

By you,

whose genius garners such admiration,

not only in Europe,

not only in the Americas,

not only in various African countries,

but already,

in some regions of

Asia.

Thank you, for everything.

Thank you, my dear.

So...

What's happening?

- I heard! - Heard what?

Her.

There's no secret!

There�s a proposition.

Mere whims! Floating about, you know.

Exactly! So let's be clear:

I'm not hosting this supper at home tonight.

So, please,

go tell your Miss Whims it�s out of the question.

How was I?

- Good. Long, but good. - And him?

Gay!

You voted for me, Mr. Duke?

I even declared it!

Cheers! And why?

Because you are a significant writer!

A French author who brings honour to France!

Sounds like my funeral!

Out of the question.

What�s out of the question?

Dining together.

She wants to.

Her name is Esther.

- Enchanted. - Enchanted.

She�s set her mind on it! There's no question of us dining together.

I�m having a dinner at my house. Come if you wish.

I don�t think that�s a good idea.

She's pretty!

I really want to dine with both of you. He must accept.

I also think you should, my great!

See how she looks at you?

- Mr. Clapoteau! - No, wait!

I beg you...

Silence! What�s the topic?

Glory! Academic glory and the effects of glory...

The effects of academic glory on an already famous writer.

I beg you... No, I beg you!

Well, the most striking effect is undeniably sexual.

Under the influence of having heard my talent so celebrated,

I�m now plagued by a throbbing emotion!

What's the source of your inspiration?

What's your connection to Italy?

We talking about Italy or me?

You wrote that the Mafia is one of the major literary themes of this century?

Wrong. The Mafia does not exist. The Mafia is an invention of the media.

The Vatican, too, I suppose?

Of course, the Vatican too!

The Popes have always been overrated characters.

The latter is not only overrated, but, pay attention, Polish!

A secret?

A secret too hard to tell?

Yes.

- So, you two, my dears... - We two what?

Well�

No!

- How awful! - Absolutely not!

It's entirely in my head?

Entirely! Believe what you want!

I don�t believe it, I�m just trying to understand.

She's normal. You're normal. Nothing abnormal, right?

Nothing�s abnormal, it's very simple:

- At the Coll�ge de France... - A snowy winter evening.

I'd given my lesson, a girl was waiting. She said, "Professor", I said, "Miss�.

She�s a veterinarian.

That doesn't matter...

That's no reason not to.

Bon app�tit.

I want to tell you my secret.

My brother-in-law killed my sister.

It happens. It's painful for the relatives, but...

- But, it happens. - Listen now!

Listen, your sister isn't dead, she just disappeared.

It's been 2 years. We haven't found the body!

My brother-in-law burned it!

Please! I tell you, I don�t follow any of this!

Listen to me, listen to me carefully, you've never had an ounce,

but now you're crazy!

She�s crazy!

She's going to tell us about the killer.

"Blueberry Clinic"

Esther! Esther, my dear!

It's incredible!

Incredible, you're so much better!

I�d promised to be in Rome this morning,

but when I heard you were coming out, I cancelled.

That�s very kind, Sir.

Why do you call me "Sir"? Don't you recognise me?

But if... I...

Articulate! Excuse me, I'm sorry, it�s me... Articulate!

- Clapoteau! - Bravo, bravo!

Yes! That's really terrific!

And now we'll all have dinner in town!

- Would you like that? - Oh yes, yes!

Dinner in town, all three!

- You'd like that? - I have to go to the clinic.

But the clinic is just there! We just came out!

- You just got out. - Not that one, her clinic!

Doctor!

I want her now! I don�t want an assistant,

I want Dr. Bouloire. I paid, I'm entitled.

Calm yourself, Madam.

Do something Doctor, give me some ease. Operate on my Poussy!

I can't.

I'm too tired. I am so tired.

It�s a very small procedure.

Yes...

Your Poussy has a double ear infection. He�s endured, the martyr.

But, unfortunately, we know cockers get a lot of ear infections.

They lack ventilation,

resulting from their floppy ears.

Haven't I already explained this?

- Yes, Doctor. Very well! - What you should know too,

is that in dogs,

the ear canal is divided into two parts,

a horizontal canal from the eardrum to the pavilion,

then a vertical canal which goes back to the pavilion.

So I asked my assistant to make a zepp.

But what�s a zepp?

What is a zepp, explain, dear?

A zepp will remove the vertical canal,

that sometimes leads directly outside.

And then?

And then, no more dirt, no more infections.

It's amazing! Amazing!

We going?

- Octave! - Yes, OK.

Come on.

All good, Mr Immortal?

Remarkable! I'm a Roman!

Be careful!

She is... She is!

Say what you want, but she is!

Raise your foot a little, baby. Our friend can�t keep up!

He�s an old man, you know.

This time I�ll make it clear, I won't hold back!

No!

"Bouloire Brothers"

You're crazy!

He's cute, this L�on!

- Shall I carve? - No, come on.

Come see the house.

But I know the outside, bunny.

I saw it when we arrived. The moon was shining on it.

My great-grandfather built it. He was a senator in La Sarthe.

He built two, because he had two sons. But one died, so the other got both.

The other was my grandfather.

- Right, kids, I�m going inside. - No, come see.

There used to be a hawthorn hedge. It died.

Don�t be too sad. The barbed wire is safer.

Are there any watchtowers?

This is the second house. Same as mine.

- Seen it! Going inside. - It belongs to Muriel.

- The evil cousin? - She�s horrible!

You know what she told me?

She�s coming to live here at the end of the month.

Very exciting!

Look, a mutt!

My grandfather had three boys. The first was L�opold, Muriel's Father.

The second was my father.

Go to your mama boy, maybe there's a fire!

They loved each other so much they went into business.

It was the firm "Bouloire Brothers".

- Oh yes, the windows. - Yes, the windows.

Then they died. Two accidents very close together.

My uncle and aunt on the North Highway. Dad and Mom on the South Highway.

Tragic, the law of sequences!

- The third is called Jocelyn. - The third what, dear?

The third brother!

He took over the firm. He's very short with a hunchback.

- The poor fellow? The highway too? - No!

Unfortunately not! He'll probably come to this soir�e.

- Why? - Or just the morning after!

Just now, I thought I saw some little twigs.

Can we make a little fire?

No, we're going home.

Have you warmed up?

Not bad!

Neither was Attila. All the evidence agrees.

Attila was weak!

She's very perplexing, but she really likes us.

Don't get upset, but I think she has a slight preference for me.

Slight.

But remember one thing: She's a friend of mine!

Hungry, perhaps?

Not unusually hungry!

I'm normal, I keep normal hours.

I'm hungry at set times. I'm sorry!

I've noticed you're hungry very often.

His type lack love. They transfer it to food!

I'm not mad. My brother-in-law killed my sister.

- Obviously. - Stop, will you?

Uncle L�opold, Aunt Marie and Dad and Mom died in fake accidents. You know it!

You know very well that someone killed them.

I know you believe it. Your point?

Sit.

They were murdered.

The assassin is my other uncle, Uncle Jocelyn. The Hunchback.

My sister Genevi�ve was a financial wizard, but he wanted it all for himself.

He exploited her all he could.

There was a disagreement. Why? Then a killing.

My uncle had my sister killed by my brother-in-law, her own husband. Why?

No idea! But it's staggering!

It's better than Simenon! I ask the same thing: why?

Because she knew too much!

The Hunchback doesn't hunt alone.

I think the Mafia are behind it! It's the Mafia!

Don't say that!

Never! Not the Mafia! Not to anyone!

Never say that! Remain silent!

What're you saying? What're you trying to say?

Rest for a while.

He has the mentality to kill. Just you see.

I saw it immediately.

No doubt.

He's a brute.

And you saw it?

Did it not bother your sister to be with a brute?

Your truly sensational sister!

No, he's such a powerful brute!

That makes you laugh?

Call him.

42 02 22 22. Call him.

No intention of it. I tell you, I don't give a damn about this man!

You have to. He killed my sister.

He killed her sister! We know it!

Must be right. Why else are you here?

You're sulking? Don't quibble! Do what you're told!

Here, take this! We know the number!

Why the hell not?

No. I'm begging you!

What's he like?

Large and ugly,� distinct protruding ears.

Mr Hom�court of Vibraye?

In person! Hom�court at your service, d'H for short!

Great honour, Professor.

Your phone call floored me!

Because the Academy, who would laugh at me, I respect.

This gentleman in it too?

Yes, he's in it.

That's good, that's good.

In any case, you look much better than on TV. No comparison!

What can I offer you?

For me it's a Martini Dry. OK?

Waiter...

Two more!

Well, what's this about?

We were told you are someone who

organises sporting competitions. Matchmaker, is it?

Yeah...

Who's this "someone"?

I can't remember, your name came into the conversation by chance,

but we are extremely attentive to the smallest signs, symptoms even,

attesting to the slightest changes, of a cultural nature, in a society that

tries, painfully, to...

to adapt to...

modernity...

How interesting. Society demands it!

My friend is trying to say that everything is cultural.

Mozart is culture, Moser is culture, Platini is culture!

Little strange, isn't he? No need to explain,

you find them everywhere. We're stuck with them.

Thanks.

Matchmaker, my eye!

It's a front, dumb ass! I'm an importer. I import athletes.

But only from Eastern Europe...

Basically what have you? The Yanks? Not a hope! The Common Market?

Same story: very expensive, costs an arm and a leg.

Wisdom suggests the Marxist-Leninists, still a balance between quality and price

on the world stage.

So that's my niche. What's my niche?

The Slavs! Can get them in hordes!

So my modernity flows from the source,

by cattle trucks, unmarked cars, by cargo ships and charter flights.

d'H will provide the West with these animals first!

Brought in by Commie aircraft. Is that clear enough for you?

Come see my gym...

Sir...

There!

He'll be the death of me!

I'll put you in the furnace!

To melt your flab!

If you screw up again, I won't pay and you'll end up miserable!

One... two... one... two...

It's a Romanian. It's name is a mouthful: Ionesco.

The name probably means nothing, but he played for the Commies.

Won silver at the last Olympics.

The tragedy is that he's gained all this lard.

When I gave him the freedom to choose, he yelled "thanks",

kissed my hands, but bathed himself in lard. He's a fatty!

Now, he's just half as heavy.

In three months, I'll have found a way

and he'll play with the pros, I'm sure he has the potential!

Yeah right!

As you know, Professor, when we least expect it,

it comes back in our face! Like so many things!

One... two...

Almost complete and it's immense!

I will compete here!

I'm just back from Moscow. I saw their basketballers.

They're in!

Believe it or not, I've put the Soviet National Team under contract.

Who will they be up against?

I want to point out that the Russians are very blond.

Who will they be up against? Who?

The Harlem Globe Trotters! They're signed. You get the idea?

Blacks against whites would be OK, but ordinary.

I'm declaring it, blacks against very whites.

Negroes against albinos! With that, I'll pack this place!

The magic of contrast. Global audience, world event!

Global!

Friend, get outta here!

You guys are a little tedious! Don't you recognise me?

To be recognised, you must be recognisable!

My name is Hom�court, that do?

- I am the Viscount of Hom�... - Shut up!

You're trespassing!

He amuses me, the bumbling fool!

Look, grandpa, the two old ladies are with me.

You are lucky to have these old guys come look at this shit hole.

Have some tact, they're from the French Academy.

He's Mr Sembadel. Master Eug�ne Sembadel!

He's trespassing too. You get it, Eug�ne?

This makes you two snigger? What's funny? Explain!

What are you doing here? Who sent you? Huh?

Who sent you?

Wait...

Because of Mu�oz, that it? It's Mu�oz?

Mu�oz? Say no more, I get it!

Nothing to see here! Mistaken identity!

Try elsewhere. See the Uncle, go lean on the Hunchback.

See Bouloire... Bouloire... Go to Boulevard Haussmann!

Gallimard is his publisher, right?

This is Gallimard, yes?

I demand that Gallimard Publishers confirm if their author is still alive:

Mr Ottavio Corado Pietro Clapotto...

You know this little telephone thing?

Of course, Madam.

OK, my dear, take this phone and call the head of Gallimard.

Tell him Renata Palozzi, the Countess, has come directly from Rome

and she's fuming!

He'll get it. I swear, he'll grasp it right away!

Can't we just become clowns?

Not become: just be.

I am. You are.

Every great writer is a showman.

By nature.

For your next visit, we'll rent a big top.

We'll call it "The Siamese Institute", or "The Monkeys of Quai Conti", you decide.

No, you decide Etienne!

- Hello, Sir. - Hello...

Ottavio!

Ottavio!

Ottavio!

It's my Renata.

She's here, my Renata, she came!

- She came. - She did.

But fear not, my love. Stop trembling, you jerk!

Six weeks without you, I've no strength, it's like I'm dead. Six weeks!

No, count again, five weeks!

- Five? - Five.

Sit!

At the end of the first week, you sent me a telegram:

"Sorry, stop, so many chores, stop,

"I will return this Wednesday, stop

kisses, kisses, kisses."

- You remember that? - Yes, I remember.

Sit there...

Your second telegram,

It said: "Inexpressibly sad, I am appalled by this Parisian bullshit,

"be back at end of month,

kisses, kisses, kisses."

But, I think, I prefer the third.

Oh, I think, we know how that goes...

Madam...

Who said he could sit there? Did I say he could sit?

It's Sembadel� It's Etienne.

I know, my love, they told me all about it.

Gallimard told me you two are joined at the hip!

But, as you can see, he's hideous.

He is absolutely hideous!

Come closer to me, my love, come closer.

Kisses, kisses, kisses.

Stop!

You there, stop and look at me.

You know what my Ottavio thinks?

He is very shy, but he talks to me.

He thinks you're a mediocre writer and he finds you icky!

Etienne!

Etienne, listen!

- Professor! - Sir.

Commissioner Br�l�.

I see that I'm in luck,

Mrs Sembadel just told me that you often return very late.

Or very early, it depends� What's going on?

Professor, I won't deny that this is a delicate matter.

Explain, we'll see.

OK, in two words...

You remember your function last Friday night?

Friday the 11th?

Etienne?

Not at all!

- At the H�tel-de-Ville? - Indeed.

Yes, I see.

That night, you did a book signing and Mr Clapoteau too.

Big success, many people...

- Have there been complaints? - Three.

I hope they will be dropped. We're working on that.

Have you read Le Figaro?

- No. - Harsh. Very harsh!

The witnesses claim that Mr Clapoteau had "taken drink".

Oh yes: plastered!

- And yourself, Professor? - Less so.

The trouble, you can imagine, is what happened in the elevator.

I don't know what happened, Commissioner.

At no time did I take the elevator.

I took the escalator.

Three women say they were abused in the elevator.

Possible, I was not there.

Abused by Mr Clapoteau alone?

I don't know! I don't accuse. I'm not accusing anyone!

Fortunately, "abused" does not mean "assaulted".

Not three times!

Not at all, Professor.

Sorry.

- Excuse me. - Abuser!

Oh, no!

Or rather yes. Because, it's finished.

Micheline?

Look at me. Here in the full light.

Look at me!

This cop, who came to our home,

was here, basically, to warn me. To warn me against you know who...

Respectfully...

"Professor, with all due respect, we ask you, to put a lid on it."

I didn't know what he was on about.

As you know I'm very dry.

"Sir, I wasn't expecting this! There's no deceit. End of story!"

I said,

"Sir, let those in high places know

"that I myself abruptly terminated the frienship because I,

"I began to find it crushing...

Crushing!"

That is the simple truth.

- Don't you believe me? - No.

Well, do. I've told you so.

Be glad, he's gone. My so-called friend has slung his hook and I say good riddance!

You've said that twenty times!

Wrong!

I told you twenty times, "he will go",

but I've never said, "good riddance".

That's the difference.

Dismal, a dismal time.

Probably, the saddest of my life.

I was miserable.

I hang on to an atrocious memory.

And me?

You also, of course.

But it's different:

you have faith.

Do you realise that it's going on six weeks

since you looked at me like a human being?

Yeah, I know.

My grandfather died.

I know, I was going to speak to you about it.

Last week. I loved him.

He died without me. He was buried without me.

I know, Les Vosges is very far.

Oh, I am lucid...

Me, always absent, and the kids with the measles...

The measles!

Did I say the measles?

You're disgusting!

I was! I don't deny the word, I was in the past, right?

I was, I'm not anymore.

I return to you repentant!

And you have faith. And faith is forgiveness.

Faith is love, therefore forgiveness, and here I am in front of you.

Very simply, very humbly, I ask forgiveness.

It will be hard, but I know that one day you will forgive me. I know it!

Oh please, don't cry! Spare me your tears, I'm embarrassed!

I knew him in 6th class, he was a charming child.

I'm sorry.

No, please...

He lived on Gobelins, us on Gay-Lussac. So, the same school: Henri IV.

He had a bursary, of course. His family lived in misery.

The father was a mason, but unemployed 9 months of the year.

Hardship we can barely imagine.

No water, no gas.

- I apologise... - But no, I'm listening.

They rarely had meat.

But the kid: Charming!

Gifted, bright, delicious and I was seduced.

In our teens and our twenties, I don't deny it, I was under his spell!

How he disappointed me.

- There� that better? - Superb!

You know what I want, my great?

Yeah!

I want you to get the boys.

They're sleeping.

Wake them. Go, go...

Wake them. Go...

Good evening, boys.

Come. Come!

General de Gaulle,

was a heavy smoker.

One day he decided he'd smoke no more. So he never smoked again.

Subsequently, someone asked if it had been tough, he replied:

"Horrendous! But I'd announced it."

Answered with pride!

Boys, your father has never been what one would call an attentive father.

Often and until very recently, he's routinely abandoned your mother and you.

Well, those days are over!

Tonight, your father declares to you...

that you'll have a father who will be here,

who will never be absent again!

A father who will be a father.

I have not declared this to you out of vanity.

I've declared this largely because I love you with all my heart,

Mama and both of you.

That's all.

Bye-bye, Papa.

I'm going out.

Sorry, my dear, I am.

I'm obliged to.

Where were we?

I have no idea.

I'm not blaming you, but it all gets a little lost with you.

You know it's hard to follow you?

I hope so!

I wouldn't be myself if anyone could follow me. That's for sure.

Would you like to be called the greatest living writer?

No! I've never said that. The greatest is Sembadel.

Etienne Sembadel

out does all of us.

There's genius

in that man

and I love him.

I love him profoundly.

Esther, you asked me to go and see your brother-in-law,

I've seen him.

Esther, you asked me to go and see your sister's husband,

I've seen him.

Everything you asked, I've done.

I'll go no further!

Today, Im telling you,

it stops immediately.

There!

Cease this farce!

Stop persisting with your tired games. Etienne says, it stops!

In your mind, what does he represent? Just the symbol of Bogart?

Is it important for you to imitate Bogart?

No, I don't have that desire, I have no sense of Bogart.

- See what I did there? - Bogart!

As I've told you: Insecurity obsesses me.

Therefore, I inquire... I'm always inquiring.

I am not aiming for Bogart,

I'm much more of an Inspector Marlowe.

A question of...

IQ. That is to say, intellectual quotient.

A daft question!

Right now, for example, what are you inquiring about?

I'm inquiring about a murder!

Esther, you asked me to go and see your brother-in-law. I've seen him.

You asked me to go and see your sister's husband.

He's clearly a flawed being. A pathological liar, it's obvious.

Violent without hesitation, but not a composed violence, uncoordinated I'd say.

I'll spare you the professional pathos, the post-Freudian nonsense.

He's everything you say, except a killer.

Perhaps... yes.

I didn't mean to have bothered you with it!

Absolutely not!

Anyway, thank you, Etienne.

- Thanks. - Good evening, my dear.

I leave you in good company.

Octave!

And Mu�oz?

He hasn't told you everything. Your sister's killer is a complete madman.

But his illness has a name. He's called Mu�oz.

- Who is he? - A Spaniard.

Dead or living? I bet a dead Spaniard!

Hello!

An owl.

No, Madam, it's a hawk!

Etienne!

What? Can't you leave me in peace?

I tell you, he's dead, Mu�oz!

He's dead!

Died in a very bizarre accident!

- What're you looking for? - My keys.

There's a new element:

all that money, all those Eurodollars don't really belong to Uncle Bouloire.

So, it's regrettable...

It's regrettable for Mu�oz... Excuse me!

It's regrettable for Mu�oz that they were laundered in Madrid.

Here they are, your keys. There!

Look your best tomorrow. We're going to see the Hunchback.

Me, I think not.

Let's sum up: Esther links us to Hom�court, Hom�court to Mu�oz,

and Mu�oz to Bouloire-Haussmann,

- and you want to stop? - Yes!

- You're truly a coward! - And your sister?

I have no sister!

My sister is against the idea that intellectuals have no balls!

I may have no balls but I have children!

I'll ask them!

Honey, I... You going out?

Ah! my dear, I can't help it. At my age and in my position,

these things happen. Eh, Miss Consid�rant?

- Yes it happens! - I can't say no.

I love you.

A Minister of my country, the Minister of Culture,

A young man, a very courteous boy, very much requires me:

�"Professor, do me the service of chairing this committee",

"Do me the honour", I agreed.

But I can still say no.

Sir, in all decency, you cannot.

We don't sweat with decency, Miss Consid�rant!

You don't know everything! We're bathing in the irrational!

I promised to go out less, now that's translated as: "no longer go out at all"!

So, what can I do?

"Excellency, my wife doesn't want me to!"

It's not possible! Yes, what?

It's not possible!

Enter!

Flowers for Madam.

For you, dear. I'll open it.

"Minister of Culture.

"dispute with her illustrious husband... Mrs Sembadel,

"...asks Mrs Sembadel to accept these few roses in homage...

Devotedly, The Minister."

Where is your next delivery, Mr Florist?

Bouloire-Haussmann, Mr President. Chrysanthemums!

Move up!

That's good, I'll go too!

Your first name is Jocelyn, is it not?

Yeah, put something specific that will make me smile.

I'd like that.

Don't be mad, Professor,

but I had to improvise. I had a rifle through my library,

sadly I only have the paperback here. You know, I have all your work,

but at my place, in the countryside.

- In La Sarthe�? - In Le Perche. I am a Percheron!

Didn't you hear? My accent.

I kept horses for a long time. Trotters, over in Vincennes.

I had my colours.

Too much, Professor, too much!

In the foreword,

you wrote:

"I have no imagination."

- That true? - Absolutely!

I thought not,

but, maybe it's not so bad.

Imagination: the less you have, the better you'll feel.

I'm not talking about books, I'm talking about in life.

So, like that, my niece Esther has gone mad?

Let's not exaggerate. She worries us, that's all.

Well so it seems!

To get you to come here, she must have pestered you.

A little. We love her very much.

But you shouldn't get too attached to her sort!

As you know, I have two.

The older one, the lawyer, nothing to say.

She works for me.

Never at fault, Muriel. But the little one,

I don't get her.

In my farming days she's what we called a "cheerless mare".

There's always one.

They're the misery of the stable. I don't tolerate them:

"Hello, shoot that horse."

With beasts it's simple.

But some people are the same as beasts.

What is that Esther is saying?

- Different things. - For example?

For example, I don't know... For example,

that her brother-in-law killed her sister.

- I ask you! - You ask me, therefore I answer.

I'll answer with the truth: Genevi�ve is not dead.

Disappeared.

But 2 years!

But sex!

Sex!

Sex...

His work's fatality and the fatality of sex.

I can tell you!

I loved the missing girl. But she was fragile to the core.

A guy that passed by, an odour, and she was gone.

Goodbye family, goodbye all.

Sometimes children come back, but she didn't.

- And the husband, you've seen him? - Only glimpsed.

Well, then you understand.

Fresh in the paddock, but not with the harness! Good for nothing!

Not even killing.

Gentlemen, I was delighted.

Your fragile niece is fixated on someone else.

Someone named Mu�oz.

I'm not interested. He's dead!

- An accident, I think? - In Madrid.

A car?

A truck. Under a juggernaut. Squashed. Heartbreaking!

Gentlemen, I'll show you out.

One thing,

that upset our poor Esther:

Her sister disappeared in London when I was there on business.

She disappeared in London the same day as

he was found hanging from a bridge there.

That Italian swindler, what's his name?

Calvi? The Banco Ambrosiano?

I see that Sir keeps abreast.

I must say, these days, big international business is hard!

It's like the middle ages:

It's barbaric!

- And his point? - If he says it, he must know!

I see that you replaced your windows.

Gentlemen, I will not detain you.

One, two, three bags,

four, five, six, seven, a little piece of Dior!

And now for the pi�ce-de-resistance...

Eight!

Ottavio!

My poor darling, I think you're very tired.

Yes, yes, you're tired.

We're going to go now. Sleep, close your little eyes.

There. We'll come back soon.

Etienne, I'll give her a kiss from you too?

- One from me too. - One from you...

Sorry!

Ottavio.

You say what I say?

If you say it to yourself, I must be able to say it to myself!

The blood flows.

But the Hunchback has been warned.

The "middle ages", "Barbaric", can't get it out of my head.

No, no...

You remember Bogart in "The Big Sleep"?

Yes.

Bogart has held an important place in shaping our imaginations.

Huge!

If I take into account all his films we saw together,

through our teenage years. I remember you had a Zazou.

You were ridiculed in those days because had the Zazou haircut.

- And a big nose. - I never had a big nose!

Why were we talking about Bogart?

I don't know.

Perhaps to dream a little about Bacall?

No.

Not so.

My enthusiasm was focussed on the central notion.

This idea of a fragile little detective in the big hostile city...

But I would go further...

Well, yeah...

Don't forget he was a private detective. Momentous!

Just the word. A magic word!

Because a private detective is a cop, but without the powers of the cop.

It's a helpless cop.

Helpless,

thus...

thus cir... cir...

Circumcised!

Circumcised!

Pardon.

Circumcised.

Wait for us.

- Good evening. - You're expecting us...

Doctor Bouloire?

The second suite on the right.

Tell me, was it an emergency? Were you on call?

Yes.

- And it's an elephant? - Yes!

Hello.

Hello� Forceps!

Are you sure he's asleep?

Compress!

What's he suffering from?

A growth on the testicle... Forceps.

- The left testicle. - Poor fellow.

Don't worry, they're not like you.

They lack the mental component. They don't make a fuss.

We can't imagine.

- So much blood! - Compress.

Yes, it's very irrigated.

Speaking of blood, we went to see your uncle.

Result: they beat up our friend's girlfriend two hours later.

Not even two hours...

Because you went to see him?

- Well, yes. - But I didn't ask you to!

We thought we were doing good!

You shouldn't have!

Excuse us, we believed you wanted us to look into it a bit.

Not at all, you've fucked it up!

Thank you anyway! Thanks for your sympathy!

Maybe you think we visited the Hunchback for pleasure?

Compress!

If that's it, say it!

If that's it, we can move on to something else!

You there, stir yourself. Get them out of here!

Out you go. Go on!

- Esther! - Go on, go on!

Where is our taxi?

Gone...

Taxi! Taxi!

Taxi!

You know The Long Walk?

Hello.

Yes, yes. He's here.. It's Mr Bouvard.

Bouvard? From television? Put him through.

Hold, Mr Bouvard.

Oh, Sorry!

I'm stupid. Not Bouvard, it's Bouloire.

Hello� Hello...?

My respects, Professor. How's it going since yesterday?

How amusing your friend is.

You two kept me from sleeping.

I was thinking about my niece Genevi�ve all night long.

I'm reflecting your anxiety.

Please, no misunderstandings! It's Esther who interests me,

not the other one.

I'm indifferent about the missing one.

Missing or murdered, it's not my problem and I'm not involved!

Understood, say no more.

Still there, Professor?

About my niece Genevi�ve:

A name came back to me. The name Bongrand.

A Swiss lawyer.

I don't have his address, you'll find him in the Geneva directory.

Won't find him. Won't be looking.

Of course, of course...

All I will say is that my Genevi�ve,

adored this Bongrand.

He was her sweetheart for a long time.

She told him everything.

But I can't tell you to go to Geneva.

I surely won't go to Geneva.

As you wish, Professor.

Me, I remain your humble,

your faithful,

admirer.

Are you going to Geneva?

Surely not! I have nothing to do in Geneva!

We have just landed in Geneva.

The ground temperature is 14 degrees centigrade.

It's raining.

- Sorry, Madam. - Sorry, Madam?

What's with her?

What's with her!

She said she's upset.

Yeah... yeah... yeah...

There, there. We'll soon be there.

Terrible...

It's nothing, my dear, we're nearly there.

Stay cool, my dear, stay cool.

Madam,

your bag, please...

Also your pockets...

My bag.

My pockets.

Allow me.

Eight!

Are you together?

Me too.

Madam, come if you please.

Ottavio!

Etienne!

Listen Mr Officer, you have both our passports before you.

We do not claim a universal fame,

but I hope for you... I repeat for you...

Sit...

that the names contained therein will tell you a little something.

You know, not really.

"From the French Academy", doesn't that mean something to you?

A little, yes.

I don't want to be offensive, but I would mention Montherlant, or Sartre.

Ah, OK!

My name is Sartre, my name is Jean-Paul Sartre.

That's not possible. He's dead.

Don't lash out like that.

I'll just send you for a frisking.

And then,

if it's negative,

you can quietly go about your business.

What's happening?

Genevi�ve d�Hom�court n�e Bouloire? Honestly, I've never seen her.

I'm thinking, but it evokes nothing.

Did you say Mr Bongrand?

Absolutely!

Because, you know, some names are very similar like Mr Legrand,

Mr Legros�

No, no.

No!

Without wishing to offend, I think that you are making a joke.

I'm afraid not.

I'm afraid not.

Sorry, Sir.

But wait! It could be my son. My son Paul, Mr Bongrand Junior.

Where would we find him?

You won't find him. He died.

An accident?

- Yes. - There you go!

A fortnight ago. He'd been a climber since he was a child.

He was the king of rock climbing and then... he came loose up in the Dolomites.

But his employees and secretary remain. Names and addresses, please?

Go see his widow.

These were his associates.

His widow?

Sir.

- Sirs. - Good day, Sir.

Believe me, next time, I'll touch the hump!

The Hunchback!

- What's all this? - What's going on?

What right have you?

What's this?

What is this? What're they doing?

I don't know!

And Soerensen?

- No. - No.

- And Thaelman? - No.

- And Wilson? - No.

And Lafuma-Grandit?

Well, it seems to remind him of something.

- He made a small... - Absolutely not!

And Mu�oz?

No, no. Not at all.

He seems to have died every day, somewhere or other!

Ireland, Norway, West Germany, Monaco, Italy, Spain,

Back in Italy: The Dolomites.

- Wasn't it an accident? - All accidents!

Interpol say all those accidents stink!

You're going to be of interest to Interpol!

One, you introduced drugs to our territory.

And two, no less, you're on the run after the Dolomites death!

What did you do? You knew this Bongrand?

Not at all. We passed by... We looked at the house.

Step back.

Step back!

Reputations are odd: You expect a great man, you get a little one.

There are words you shouldn't use! Please!

OK, call Paris, check everything:

Antecedents, suspect relationships, real motives for the trip.

You, Oettli, you put them on ice. Separately!

My nerves!

Bring the painting!

Hello, L�on.

Hello, cousin.

So, you're better?

You know, I wasn't very ill.

- Even at the clinic? - Even at the clinic.

Oh no, be careful!

It's going well?

Yes, I think so.

And Muriel?

A little stressed with the move. But that's standard.

Shall we sit?

Moving is hard!

Terrible!

And you, nothing?

No dear, I'm still recovering.

Yes, of course.

What are you doing, L�on?

- Nothing. - No, in life?

Nothing.

Nothing at all?

Once a little, but now, nothing.

A drink at my place?

Another time, yes.

But here, your place might be frowned upon.

Etienne!

Octave?

Good news, you're not sought by Interpol.

Nor you sidekick, for that matter.

Ah, that's better! Especially for him, I feared for him.

When will we get out?

Maybe later in the day,

but...

don't count your chickens yet!

Another good thing:

The suspect from the airport, the injured woman,

the drugs she was carrying were not real drugs.

It's an unknown substance.

- So? - Deported!

She was put on a plane to Rome!

- Weep no more, I bring you a snack. - I don't cry!

And you can have wine, but that decision costs six cents.

Is it true that all your windows were smashed?

Yes.

You make a complaint?

No, we know who it was.

Who?

d�H, of course!

Coffee?

No, you're sweet.

It's funny about the windows.

I feel d'H could be a big problem for you.

He's blabbing about the death of someone called Mu�oz.

Good night!

What do you know?

You know what. It's good we're on such familiar terms.

OK.

- You know what? - No.

About their windows, I wonder if it wasn't you.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

Wasn't there a question of coffee?

No.

A big thank you! Thanks to you!

We were deported!

Thanks, dear.

We were labelled hoodlums and removed on an plane with 150 seats!

We were looked down the nose at by 148 paranoid passengers!

- Thanks dear, thanks Switzerland! - I didn't tell you to go!

This amuses her! Knew you were irresponsible, now you confirm it!

That was just the summary!

- I've already been told. - By who?

Your wife.

My wife?

Yes, she had the cops on her back. Still, I didn't tell her!

Woke me up at 3am with her tantrum. But it wasn't a bother!

She's right, she had to lie too. She thought we were in Brussels.

Don't do that! It's only you...

It's L�on.

This is...

It's an honour. A too rare honour. Hello, Sir.

Hello.

- Hello, Professor. - Hello.

I brought croissants, but I wonder if they'd be up to your usual.

- How many? - Six.

Not for me.

Well, that's good! Two each, that's good...

Expecting someone?

Come on. Come, don't be shy!

Do we scare you?

Come, Raoul, come.

Come or go, but do something!

Mu... riel...

she live...

Try again.

It's Muriel that I� want to see� She� lives here.

Ah, no. It's the house next door.

- Do I have to go by the street? - Yes, in principle.

Why? Is it very pressing?

Muriel's not here. Away.

She's back tomorrow.

Come on, come.

Come.

Killers, you say?

Three.

I know them.

On the payroll. Not paid for the job. On salary!

Since this morning, they're out to get me!

You're getting ideas.

If their employer ordered it, they'd have already killed you.

No, they enjoy it. They're rotten.

They know I know. I'm left hanging just so they can laugh.

What have you done for Jocelyn?

I meant the killers, I haven't said it was Jocelyn!

No, you didn't say it.

I quit for "X reasons", but I was very correct, loyal and all!

- So? - So?

Mu�oz.

The only small error I made was to drop that name.

To who?

These two here.

These two goons.

But we haven't repeated it.

We never said it was down to him.

Someone else must have told him. Or mentioned it. Perhaps last night.

Perhaps without meaning any harm. That's what I think.

Me too. You know where the coffee is?

Did you kill Mu�oz?

What do you want from me?

Admit that it was you, it stays here between us.

He died December 13th, you were in Madrid from the 8th.

Feel free to check, I never set foot there.

- You were there! - Wrong!

So there!

The croissants are a bit fresh, I'm going to toast some bread.

My dear, can you feel his artery to the right?

- Yes. - Oh, no!

Relax, I tell you.

Idiot, we're not going to torture him.

My li'l guy.

You've got yourself into big trouble.

She's crazy. She's been put away twice. She may cut you.

She has the expertise to do it.

Mu�oz knew it was you and not Sorensen?

You have ten seconds. There will be no more warnings.

I can't.

It's fine by me, I don't care, but too many people at the top know.

I can't say yes.

I must never. You're know well how it is!

So do otherwise.

If you can't say "yes", say "no". I'll know that means "yes"!

I'll spare your modesty, that's all. Go on, Soerensen, ten seconds.

No.

No.

You see, it's easy!

The others?

The same.

Don't cheat, answer!

No.

All of them?

No.

Genevi�ve?

Who?

My sister!

Where're you going with this?

You've got nothing.

You've no human decency.

I cried as much as you over Genevi�ve. Maybe more!

I am what I am, you're Uncle too, but you think I asked him to erase my wife?

There are limits!

Be serious.

Shit, she's family! That's sacred.

You can leave.

Get out.

Go.

Go. Beat it!

Go, go on!

You know what's waiting for me?

I have no human decency. Go on, go alone, it's better.

Professor!

Have some self respect.

Madam,

don't be offended, I must speak to you.

This is not the time. Leave me alone!

Surely the place, certainly.

Faith...

Aren't we both people of faith?

Yes.

I know that you suffer.

My heart bleeds too.

I cry for a nephew whom I loved as a son.

Let's walk. I cry for the life of the Viscount of Hom�court, murdered 3 days ago.

The media have spoken a lot of it.

But that boy, that spirit!

Very brilliant!

Paid with his life for the mad imprudence of

one of the most eminent men of our time, a great scholar,

your admirable husband.

I won't name him.

I guess you were informed of their difficulties with the Swiss?

Yes.

I understand how you feel. Let's walk.

I'm sure you know my niece, Esther?

Well, madam, she is the cause of our woes.

That kid.

She's made your husband take leave of his senses.

And it's more serious: there is a mutual fascination.

It's that dramatic!

Not to disconcert you, but she's been locked up twice.

How much has she involved him?

Is there still time?

Now Madam, it's your turn.

Alert the Faculty.

Try to have him locked up! Otherwise, keep away from him!

He is already condemned. Keep away!

Keep away.

It's for you I tremble.

And especially for your little boys.

Crushed!

Crushed...

Work, but let people pass, eh?

Crushed!

What's he trying to tell me?

I'm telling you I've been thrown out of my place.

I have no wife, I have no children. I'm 53 years old.

Yes, that's really tough.

I'm 53 years old and I'm on the streets.

Crushed! Crushed by a bigot who owes me everything.

Yes, that's...

That hurts!

My pyjamas... My razor... My children...

Show me... show me.

How cute. Look how tanned they are!

I struggle every night, but enough is enough.

I've come to live with you.

A tramp has come to live with you!

I'm your brother!

Thank you. I know I'm bothering you.

Not at all, on the contrary.

I'll call reception, they probably have another room.

Two bedrooms, that would be better don't you think?

As you wish... I'm crushed, I'll do as I am told.

"Crushed", you like that, eh?

What I want right now is a shower. May I?

But what did the Hunchback say?

Who knows!

In any case, I'll counter attack!

I understand!

I'll counter attack from all angles!

You are quite right! Sit down.

But in practice, that means you doing what?

I don't know.

Don't worry, between us,

by thinking in depth,

we cannot but find a way.

Turn on the light, can't see a thing.

Veal with lychee...

That's crazy! Where'd you get that idea?

The only place you get lychee,

in Macao.

Take a trip, coco!

You know how I see our relationship?

I see myself as the latest pretty little housewife in the neighbourhood,

and you as the awful flirty neighbour, who's trying to turn my head.

It's like that, yes.

You'll have to try hard.

Give it a go!

Yes.

This is the first time you've allowed this.

Yes. Correct.

What should I do now?

Is my virtue supposed to fall immediately or do I struggle a bit?

Ah, my old man, that's up to you.

Esther!

I kill them and come back!

Esther!

What do you two want?

It's about your uncle.

He's in my sights.

In believing himself so clever, he may sign his death warrant.

How so?

Social death, that exists too!

You know "Left-Weekly?

Know how many readers? 250,000.

We have a weapon, The truth. It will hurt!

They have reserved 12 pages. Plus the cover.

You know, it will all be fine.

- We see them tomorrow at 11am. - No, do it without me.

Excuse me, someone's waiting for me.

- But... - But it's no problem!

- OK. - I love you.

I've spent my life deceived by women! All monsters!

- Please, no sexism. - I'm not sexist, I'm unhappy.

I think of just one thing: Geneva, your wife, all that...

It wasn't very perilous. Why does the Hunchback persist like that?

Perhaps for fun. It's common among the sick.

Haven't you ever seen a kid torturing flies?

But why us? Why do we amuse him?

Jean-Paul, where were we exactly?

7 dead. The 6 butchered throughout Europe by Viscount thingy,

plus the Viscount himself.

Plus 4: my father, my mother, my uncle L�opold, my aunt Marie.

7 is already plenty.

It seems to me difficult to challenge the theory of those accidents.

Very easy.

Read this, you'll see that in the two cars,

the brakes had been sabotaged in the same manner and at the same location.

How did you get this?

I got it, that's all.

- That makes 11? - Yes, 11.

12.

My sister.

Sorry to bother you!

What's that, dear Etienne?

At a close shave, you'd have had 14!

Dear Etienne!

Mariella you have the draft cover? Show it to Mr Sembadel, please.

What goes there?

Miss Bouloire. We think she would be an asset!

C'mon!

I would suggest using our photographs, but with 8 broken ribs,

2 cracked cervicals and a sprained knee,

it won't make them swoon. I agree with you, nobody cares!

The cervicals, that's me.

- Don't insist, you'll laugh! - No.

12 dead is considerable, but we risk looking

just factual.

Because "a multinational for profit" as you say, is still very vague.

Not vague at all. I have the names.

Before leaving for London, my sister left me the key to her safe.

I have custody of indisputable documents.

The classification is by me.

Yes, indeed.

- How many names, in total? - 41.

41!

I see one who was a minister. Is he the only one?

- No, three. - three?

You had all this and you did nothing?

I needed it as a surety. I didn't realise it's influence.

They'll back it all up!

Especially today!

She is a love!

It's a pleasure to suffer for her.

Tell me dear, last evening, you didn't want to come here, right?

If it had misfired,

you'd be dead and that would be awful, so I've no choice, I must use my proof.

She is very coherent!

Oh, it hurts!

I've never asked you. Do you work for the P2 Lodge or for the Vatican?

I am profoundly religious.

So, it's for P2.

I didn't say that.

Sir did not say P2.

Miss seems to have drawn from the fact that Sir asserts his profound faith,

the outcome

that Sir would find it repugnant to dip into the dirty work of the Vatican.

A hazardous rationale. The church must live.

If I were Miss, I should deduce more

from Sir's deep faith, than from his association with the Freemasons,

meaning P2.

I admit however, that if Miss excludes the P2 Lodge from the outset

that would also be hazardous.

Sir must live.

Has Miss finally received news from Madam, the Viscountess, her sister?

If I understand correctly, he�s advising you to make me disappear too?

But you never really bothered me.

I never imagined you could bore me so much.

Genevi�ve bothered you a lot?

Yes, she was just too bright.

So he had to kill her?

She had to be crushed, dear. But she didn't suffer.

It's too late anyway. Know where I've come from?

Yes, I�ve just been informed.

I told them everything. They know everything.

They know what you know. Not the law.

Sir means that his forest is dense.

However, the political complexion of these people does not give reassurance

and I agree that a weekly leftist paper

cannot do him great harm.

Yet, I wonder if Sir shouldn't be more concerned with seeing this

a little beyond the local level.

All things considered, I fear much less the inconvenience

for Sir's affairs here, than the deplorable impression

given to Sir's friends elsewhere.

How will they react?

How will they react?

As Miss is Sir's niece, and bears his own name,

won't they reproach Sir for failing to muzzle Miss?

Yes, they�ll know very quickly!

I think I understand Miss.

Miss calculates to destroy Sir, but it also seems that Miss,

wants to give Sir a chance.

Knowing Sir's silent partners, a breed of financiers usually

blunt and very expeditious,

if I were Sir,

I think, I should beat it!

I have the advantage of saying that Sir is aware

of how much I will miss him.

Miss may think I couldn't care less,

but, I have always thought Sir very fine when he moves away like that,

deep in his own thoughts.

- My uncle's not here? - Haven't seen him.

Maybe it's my wife?

Stop dreaming! You'll save more than your wedlock!

Open up, idiots, it's me!

- What is it? - Come on, come on...

4 died this afternoon on Boulevard Haussmann, at a seemingly ordinary firm,

where a number of killers struck, 3 it seems.

When I say killers, all signs show them to be professionals.

Among the victims, a young lawyer, Ms Muriel Bl�riot,

a lawyer working mainly in business,

the business concerns of her uncle, Jocelyn Bouloire, director of the firm.

In any case, it seems that this lovely young woman, Ms Muriel Bl�riot,

was the main target of the killer.

- Right. - Right!

Right.

No.

Yes, I'm what they'd call an impediment.

If I were you, I'd weigh up the pros and cons.

I must be at the funeral. That's how it is with spouses.

Not when they drag you into all sorts.

They only rarely drag you into the cemetery.

Finally, you are very conventional.

That's what I tell myself too.

The carton behind you, it's marzipan.

A guy who makes cakes the day they murdered his wife,

you don't think he deserves his indulgences?

You think they'll shoot the baker?

- An adorable boy! - Adorable!

Hey Renaire... You have a good night?

I can't thank you enough! This is the best story in Paris.

I told you!

...revealed in a rather different light this afternoon with the killing of 4 people,

at a very mysterious business office on Boulevard Haussmann.

By chance, it's director, Jocelyn Bouloire, also seems to have disappeared

just before the massacre.

This morning, a 5th death has occurred, near Paris at Meudon.

G�rard, you arrived this instant from Meudon.

Yes.

So have you been making inquiries as to exactly what happened?

Yeah, but firstly a word...

I'll say a word about the victim.

L�on Bl�riot was a journalist

and a few of us in this place will hold on to the memory of him as

an adorable guy.

Adorable, yes.

Yes, adorable.

We should talk about the execution, because he was shot 8 times.

With 6 shots fatal.

But what's particularly noteworthy, is that this execution

happened less than a hundred yards from that of another deadly execution,

that of the Viscount of Hom�court Vibraye.

Right, it's 7.10pm. We're going to take a break.

- With this boy, was it...? - Yes, very much so!

Right...

Do you remember us both at Coll�ge de France?

- I remember you admired me. - No, I didn't admire you.

I wanted you.

Do you understand nothing, or what?

She agreed.

She's waiting for us.

There is no place in the world where you feel safer.

Wait until you see her place. Her house is...

It's a chateau from the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th century.

It's very old, very beautiful.

Renata's house is at the top. Nothing can escape you, you rule.

You can't imagine the grace, the airiness. You'll see, you'll see.

No one will ever find us!

I'm homeless!

Homeless?

It's burning. It's all burning!

They burned my house.

If you know, say it!

Nobody knows what to say.

I would say one thing.

Yes, what?

They will kill us.

Objectively...

we are dead.

My house.

My house.

When it comes to me, nothing stops her. She loves me enormously!

I'm sure she is moving heaven and earth.

You're repeating yourself!

Whether I repeat myself or not, she has connections everywhere.

She is a princess. In Rome, she is a queen.

Wouldn't think so. Been three days!

But it's like that with all ceasefires! Discussions are tough.

There's also the innocents who get killed on armistice day!

I've been on lookout since midnight! Who's next?

Ah! I can't remember...

- It's you! - It's me?

Is it myself I fear?

No, it really isn't.

Just before leaving, you know what Renata said?

She said, "For you, I will knock on the highest door."

Impressive!

Which door?

Etienne!

She's done it!

What, the ceasefire?

Better than that: An all-powerful hand is with us!

Guaranteed! A statement of guarantee!

I can't tell you what it cost me!

- They took me to a bank. - I can still participate.

- I can. - You cannot!

There's no question!

No, you'll never know.

- Ottavio! - Etienne!

That all-powerful hand, you always guarantee it?

It's very ambiguous!

The fundamental ambiguity is the existence of God!

If God exists, it's all good!

That all-powerful hand, you always guarantee it?

It's very ambiguous!

The fundamental ambiguity is the existence of God!

If God exists...

If God exists... it's all good!

- It's all good! - It's all good...

It's all good!

English Adaptation by ALAN WENGER

Subtitling by TITRA FILM, Paris � 1986