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1
00:00:01,101 --> 00:00:02,769
Happy birthday!
2
00:00:02,769 --> 00:00:06,640
Oh, look.
You got my age right.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,774
(laughing)
4
00:00:07,774 --> 00:00:09,543
Happy birthday, babe.
5
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,044
Mmm.
6
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:12,646
OK, I enjoyed the food
7
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:14,815
and would love
to keep it down.
8
00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:17,718
Be nice to me
on my birthday.
9
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:21,688
It only comes
once every 3 years.
10
00:00:22,322 --> 00:00:23,824
Can we get
some coffee, please?
11
00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:24,625
Absolutely.
12
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:28,094
Anything else
I can do for you?
13
00:00:28,094 --> 00:00:31,097
No, thanks.
14
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,135
OK, wow.
15
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,571
Did she just say,
"Anything else I
can do for you,"
16
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,741
or "I will bear you
many children"?
17
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,510
Anyway...
18
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:44,645
I have a date.
19
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,113
Yeah, I bet
she's a real doll.
20
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:48,582
Could you drop me off
at Becca's
21
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,151
before you inflate her?
22
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:53,887
I can't believe you guys
23
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:58,559
are leaving Riley and I
alone in this restaurant
on my birthday.
24
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:01,494
That is the best present ever.
25
00:01:01,494 --> 00:01:03,830
Love you.
Happy birthday, Mom.
26
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:05,398
Love you.
Drive carefully.
27
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,432
See ya.
28
00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:09,670
OK, honey,
make a wish, then
blow out the candle.
29
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,137
OK.
30
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:15,742
Well, you're still here,
31
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,144
so I guess
my wish came true.
32
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:21,515
You get so mushy
on your birthday.
33
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:25,586
Mwah. That's because
it's when I feel
the most vulnerable.
34
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:29,690
So if you're thinking
about taking advantage
of me later,
35
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:33,527
I like your chances.
36
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,295
Happy birthday, ma'am.
37
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:38,164
Oh, thank you.
Everything was delicious.
38
00:01:38,164 --> 00:01:43,770
You know, I can see
where your son gets
his good looks.
39
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:47,574
Heh?
40
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:50,877
You OK, babe?
41
00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,146
Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
42
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,616
Listen, why don't you pay
the check and the get car?
43
00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,818
I'll go wait out in front.
44
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:58,852
When you see me...
45
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,220
Run me over.
46
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:04,190
Captioning made possible by
Fox TV Studios/
Regency Television
47
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,159
♪ And I ♪
48
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,194
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
49
00:02:08,194 --> 00:02:11,197
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
50
00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:14,234
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
51
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,202
♪ And life ♪
52
00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:18,371
♪ Gets better every day ♪
53
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:21,374
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
54
00:02:21,374 --> 00:02:23,176
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
55
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:27,280
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
56
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:34,254
Who's the best girl, Esther?
57
00:02:34,254 --> 00:02:36,422
Who's the best girl?
58
00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,892
Let me get my towel.
59
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,694
Oh.
60
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:43,229
Mm.
61
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:48,535
Fran, what
are you doing?
62
00:02:48,535 --> 00:02:53,306
I'm seeing what I look like
after 30 years.
63
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:58,779
And this is what
I'll look like
after 30 years
64
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,715
and 30 grand.
65
00:03:03,383 --> 00:03:04,250
What do you think?
66
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:07,287
Honey, you'll never
need any work done.
67
00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,489
Hmm. Oh...
68
00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,525
How can that be
the wrong thing to say?
69
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:16,396
No, it's just my stomach
is acting up again.
70
00:03:16,396 --> 00:03:17,998
That's it.
I'm taking you
to the doctor tomorrow.
71
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:22,936
No, no. It's just
I think that meal we had
was so heavy.
72
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:25,872
And so was the waitress,
didn't you think?
73
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,542
Our waitress?
74
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,644
Oh, yeah. Gross.
75
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,514
Come on.
Come to bed.
76
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:39,485
Oh...Oh...
77
00:03:39,485 --> 00:03:41,988
Mmm...
78
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,661
Allison!
79
00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:49,329
Hurry up!
80
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,997
We gotta give Mom
her birthday cake
81
00:03:50,997 --> 00:03:53,266
so I can get out of here.
82
00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:57,638
My date charges by the hour.
83
00:03:57,638 --> 00:04:00,340
Keep your hair on!
84
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:06,279
FRAN: Are those my beautiful
children I hear?
85
00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:12,352
Hi, kids.
86
00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,690
I'm gonna take
Esther for a walk.
87
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,058
Who's the best girl?
88
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:21,261
Who's the best girl?
89
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:25,599
Careful coming down
the steps, Ma. You might‐‐
90
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,804
fall.
91
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,406
Are you OK, Ma?
92
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:37,343
Yeah. My hump
broke my fall.
93
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,384
Esther, stay.
94
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,953
Happy birthday, Ma.
95
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,823
Oh, thanks, kids.
96
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,592
RILEY: Fran, I'm home.
97
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,594
Oh! Riley's here.
98
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,897
And you didn't think
that we would last.
99
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,634
We've been together 50 years.
100
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,469
Hey, everybody!
101
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,073
Franny, I bought you a gift.
102
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:09,610
Oh, how sweet.
103
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:15,348
Ooh! Sexy lingerie.
104
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:19,385
Oh!
105
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:27,961
I think this is more of
a gift for you, mister.
106
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:33,366
(vomiting)
107
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:39,405
Sorry. I can't take it
like I used to.
108
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,874
How was your day, babe?
109
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,609
Oh, fine, fine,
110
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,645
though I did have
a little scare.
111
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:47,814
I thought I felt
a lump in my breast.
112
00:05:47,814 --> 00:05:50,817
Turns out
it was just my knee.
113
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,954
Ha ha ha ha ha!
114
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,456
Happy birthday, Fran.
115
00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:57,991
Oh.
116
00:05:57,991 --> 00:06:02,128
Look, kids.
Your father's here.
117
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,463
Oh, Daddy.
118
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,398
Oh, princess.
119
00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:08,468
I see you're drinking
for two nowadays.
120
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:09,402
Mm‐hmm.
121
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:12,806
And Josh, how are things
at the video store?
122
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:15,909
I understand minimum wage
is going up.
123
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:19,646
You can expect
a raise soon.
124
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,750
OK, everybody.
Time for cake.
125
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,985
Riley!
126
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:25,952
Did you bake that
yourself,
127
00:06:25,952 --> 00:06:29,790
or did your mum
just let you lick
the spoon?
128
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,659
Those jokes don't work
anymore, Ted.
129
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,161
I'm 70 years old.
130
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,798
Really?
131
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,400
Well done, mate.
132
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,503
Wait a minute.
133
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:47,407
I think you got
the numbers backwards.
134
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:51,011
Oh, there.
135
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,446
That's better.
136
00:06:53,446 --> 00:06:54,581
Happy birthday.
137
00:06:54,581 --> 00:07:00,020
And I can see
where your grandson
gets his good looks.
138
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:07,761
What was that for?
139
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:12,533
That's for looking so damn
good when you're 70 years old.
140
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:23,777
You had to make me
go see that quack
of a doctor.
141
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,647
Fran, he's one of
the top gynecologists
in New York City.
142
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,249
Yeah? Well, then, how
come we got to see him
the day after I called?
143
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:34,721
It takes me 2 weeks
to see the girl
who does my bikini wax.
144
00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,889
Fran...
145
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,191
It's not as if
I wasn't feeling
old enough already.
146
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,826
Now you want me
to get a hysterectomy?
147
00:07:39,826 --> 00:07:43,730
Me? I just don't
want you to live with
the pains anymore.
148
00:07:43,730 --> 00:07:47,568
Oh, don't bring
my children into this.
149
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,173
Hi, guys. Mom,
I think it's time
150
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,675
to throw out
your birthday cake.
151
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,042
Yeah. It still
looks good on the outside,
152
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:59,813
but it's all old
and dried up on the inside.
153
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:02,115
Oh, shut up.
154
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,684
The cake is good
when it's young and moist,
155
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:06,587
but the minute it gets
a little rough
around the edges,
156
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,591
suddenly it loses
its place in society?
157
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:15,562
OK. You kids probably have
a lot of questions
right now.
158
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,731
Your mother and I just
got back from the doctor,
159
00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,934
and, uh, well,
how do I say this?
160
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,869
Look, they're not
children anymore, Riley.
161
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:26,640
We can talk to them
like they're adults.
162
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:31,645
Mommy has some bumpy things
growing in her baby place.
163
00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:36,583
The doctor said
they're here to stay.
164
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:40,587
They're not the kind
that go away.
165
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,256
Who's this doctor?
166
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,692
Seuss?
167
00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,194
Mom, what's really wrong?
168
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,130
Well, it's not
a big deal, honey.
169
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,199
It's just that
I have this thing
called fibroids,
170
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,202
and, well, if I want
to be out of pain,
171
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,573
I'm going to have to get
a hysterectomy.
172
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,541
Are you gonna be OK?
173
00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,109
Yes. Definitely. It's
a very common procedure.
174
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,077
And the best part
of it is
175
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:07,581
I'll feel all better,
I won't be in any pain,
176
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,650
plus I won't get
my period,
177
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,686
so I won't have any pms.
178
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:23,129
Like I didn't see
your reflection
in the glass.
179
00:09:24,030 --> 00:09:27,634
Dad's a surgeon.
Did you talk to him
about this?
180
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:28,434
Yes, sweetie.
Of course.
181
00:09:28,434 --> 00:09:30,671
He was the first call
that we made.
182
00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:32,005
And I thought
that it's only fair
183
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:34,374
that he see them
take out my baby maker
184
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:38,178
since I had my lawyer
cut off his.
185
00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:41,047
But he's actually
been wonderful,
186
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:44,685
and he's organized
the whole thing
with the hospital.
187
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,653
I love you, Mommy.
188
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:47,588
I love you, sweetie.
189
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,690
I'll be there to help you
as much as I can.
190
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:52,759
I don't care
if I miss all my midterms.
191
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,996
But I will need a note.
192
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:58,031
Forget it.
193
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,633
Then I have to study.
194
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:00,801
OK.
195
00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:01,702
I love you.
196
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:02,803
I love you,
I'm fine.
197
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:05,639
I know that I only
went to medical school
for 6 weeks,
198
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,340
but I put in a lot of hours
at the hospital,
199
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,643
so if you have
any questions...
200
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:10,944
Well, after
they cut me open,
201
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,646
do they use, like,
a drainage‐‐
202
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,949
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
203
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951
I meant, like,
which vending machines
204
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,120
have the best snacks
and stuff.
205
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,722
Well, thank you, Josh.
206
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,757
That was the best
$47,000
207
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,159
your father and I
ever spent.
208
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,229
Well, I'll leave you guys
to discuss.
209
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,698
I'm just gonna toss this‐‐
210
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:32,833
right exactly where it is,
211
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:36,102
because there's a lot
of life left in it.
212
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,439
Franny, I don't think
you have anything
to worry about.
213
00:10:39,439 --> 00:10:41,742
Oh, honey,
don't you understand?
214
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,077
When a woman
gets a hysterectomy,
215
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,113
she goes into...
216
00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,349
(mouthing)
217
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,954
Santa Claus?
218
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,690
Menopause.
219
00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:59,059
I knoW. I just thought
you needed to say it out loud.
220
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,394
Fran, the doctor said
you won't have any symptoms
221
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:02,328
if you go on estrogen.
222
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:05,165
I know, but that has
side effects in itself,
223
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,900
which I'm not sure
I want to deal with.
224
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,434
Although
if I don't go on it,
225
00:11:08,434 --> 00:11:12,205
then I'm gonna gain weight,
have hot flashes,
226
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,474
and probably grow
facial hair.
227
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:15,475
Next thing you know,
228
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:19,179
they'll be calling me
Jew‐bacca.
229
00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:28,288
Honey, you're beautiful now
230
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,423
and you always will be.
231
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:31,958
Even when I get old?
232
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:35,061
Oh, you'll never
be old to me.
233
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,799
Well, just remember that
when I grow a moustache
234
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:39,966
and the next
stupid waitress
235
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,737
confuses me
for your father.
236
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,506
Come here.
237
00:11:45,506 --> 00:11:48,041
Hello, Fran.
Hi, Dad.
238
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,476
Hello, children.
Oh, Riley.
239
00:11:50,476 --> 00:11:52,312
If I'd know you
were going to be here,
240
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,014
I'd have had the clown
in pediatrics
241
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,750
make you
a balloon animal.
242
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:58,685
You know what, ted?
243
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,987
I want to thank you
for setting all this up
244
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,455
and being so kind to Fran.
245
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,990
It means a lot to us.
246
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:08,161
Well, that was
a low blow.
247
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:14,434
Dad, I thought you said
you had rounds to do.
248
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,235
Oh, no, it's all right.
249
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,003
I just missed
one exam on a patient,
250
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:20,206
but he's in a coma
so he'll never know.
251
00:12:20,206 --> 00:12:22,475
The nurse
will be in soon
252
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,845
to give you a pill
to help you sleep.
253
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,981
So everybody, say
your final good‐byes.
254
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,916
ALL: Dad!
255
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,452
I meant for the night.
256
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:36,523
Why do all my patients
take that the wrong way?
257
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:39,459
I'll be here when
you wake up, honey.
258
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,361
I love you.
259
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,029
I love you, too.
260
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:45,398
Good luck.
Get some sleep.
261
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,533
OK, babe.
262
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:47,467
Night, Mom.
263
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:48,401
Love you, baby.
264
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,571
Oh, oh, oh.
Before you go,
265
00:12:50,571 --> 00:12:53,306
would someone take
that engorged ferret
266
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:56,442
your mother
has hiding under
the blankets please?
267
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,879
OK.
268
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:01,515
Mommy will be home
in a few days.
269
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:04,117
I have to get
the same operation as you,
270
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:09,022
only I won't have to wear
a cone around my neck.
271
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:10,524
Night.
272
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:11,525
OK. Bye‐bye.
273
00:13:11,525 --> 00:13:12,425
Night, Mom.
274
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,827
I love you, honey.
275
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:16,863
I love you.
276
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,965
(sighs)
277
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,502
So, Ted,
how long will it be
278
00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:24,605
before me and Riley get to...
279
00:13:24,605 --> 00:13:26,507
You know.
280
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,376
Have sex!
281
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,846
Oh, don't you worry
about that, darling.
282
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:36,883
We'll have you back
on your back in no time.
283
00:13:37,551 --> 00:13:40,420
You know, you really are
one lucky girl.
284
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:41,922
Why do you say that, Ted?
285
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,625
Well, you have your
young Riley there
286
00:13:44,625 --> 00:13:45,726
to take care of you
as you get older.
287
00:13:45,726 --> 00:13:49,395
Oh, don't be so quick
to push me in the nursing home.
288
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:53,099
I am 3 to 7 years
younger than you, mister,
289
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:55,569
depending on how dark
the room is.
290
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:56,503
Oh, let's face it, fran.
291
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,906
At our ages, we're not
getting any healthier.
292
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:02,909
But it must be
comforting to know
293
00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,410
that as you
start to fall apart,
294
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,912
you have
a young handyman there
295
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:08,448
to help you put
yourself back together.
296
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:12,986
Well, I'll check on you
after surgery.
297
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:14,921
Hey, Ted.
298
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,890
Next time, give me the drugs
299
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,393
before you speak to me.
300
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,537
Wake up, sleepy head.
301
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,973
Oh, Riley.
302
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,407
Am I OK?
303
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,243
Yeah, the operation
went great.
304
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,912
Oh, good.
305
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:41,314
There's only one teeny
tiny little hitch.
306
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:45,485
They had to take out
a little more
than they planned.
307
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:52,025
Oh. Did they have to take out
my appendix, too?
308
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,027
Yes.
309
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,262
Yes, they did.
310
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:02,268
Riley, what happened
to the rest of me?
311
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,104
Where are my arms, my legs,
312
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:05,238
my feet?
313
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:09,409
(gasps) and next week
is Bloomingdale's
big shoe sale.
314
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:15,048
Oh, cruel fate.
315
00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:15,982
It's OK, Fran.
316
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,984
I've already decided
to give up my youth.
317
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:19,119
I've quit my business.
318
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,188
From now on,
my life will be spent
taking care of you.
319
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:26,126
No! No, Riley.
I can't let you
give all that up.
320
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,293
Oh, it's not so bad.
321
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,495
When we go to the mall,
I can stick you
on the antennae,
322
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:33,567
and this way,
I'll always be able
to find the car.
323
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,970
No‐‐
324
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:37,971
scratch my nose.
325
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,973
Thank you.
326
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:43,510
No!
327
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,211
Oh, ow!
328
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:46,279
Ooh.
329
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,981
Babe, are you OK?
330
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:49,983
Yeah, uh...
331
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:50,951
Yeah.
332
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:55,055
I guess I just shouldn't
make any sudden moves.
333
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,222
How long was I asleep?
334
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:57,423
Oh, about 3 hours.
335
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,626
Not counting the moment
that you came out of
the anesthetic
336
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:04,164
and mumbled something
about kissing a girl
at summer camp?
337
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,767
Oh, Debbie Murphy.
338
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:10,571
She moves pianos now.
339
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,574
How did the operation go?
340
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:16,076
OK, except you know
how sometimes
341
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,744
they leave a sponge
in a patient?
342
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:18,745
Well, we had
a little scare
343
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:21,615
when we couldn't find
the dog.
344
00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,016
Ha ha ha ha.
345
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:26,620
That was Josh's joke.
346
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,755
So babe, I already
cleared my schedule
347
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:30,791
so I can be there
to take care of you.
348
00:16:30,791 --> 00:16:33,459
No, Riley...
349
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:34,427
Yeah?
350
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:37,397
I don't want you to.
351
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:38,198
What?
352
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:41,034
I've been thinking
about our future,
353
00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:45,071
and I realize
we don't have one.
354
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:48,141
Fran, you're still
a little groggy.
355
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,810
No, no. I mean this.
356
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:51,377
I've been thinking about this
357
00:16:51,377 --> 00:16:54,715
ever since my birthday
and that waitress,
358
00:16:54,715 --> 00:16:55,682
the operation.
359
00:16:55,682 --> 00:17:00,153
I realize that we're
not meant to be together.
360
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,089
You used to make me
feel young,
361
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:07,060
but now
you make me feel old.
362
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,830
I can't believe
you're saying this.
363
00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:12,498
Well, what did you think,
364
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:15,068
we were gonna
be together forever?
365
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:19,139
Yeah, I thought
we would be.
366
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:22,142
Well, you're young.
367
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,511
Look, I, um...
368
00:17:24,511 --> 00:17:26,079
I'm gonna be here
a few days.
369
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:31,117
I think you should
just take your stuff
and leave.
370
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:31,985
Just like that?
371
00:17:31,985 --> 00:17:32,786
You're not even
going to think about it?
372
00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:35,355
What do we need
to drag it out for?
373
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:38,224
We're on a different page
in the book of life.
374
00:17:38,224 --> 00:17:41,227
Our age difference has
finally caught up with us.
375
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:45,098
I'm not gonna
change my mind.
376
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,400
I won't be around
if you do.
377
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,803
I don't want you to.
378
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:52,172
Do I even get
a say in this?
379
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,407
Riley, how long
have you known me?
380
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:58,411
Does anybody ever get a say?
381
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:01,314
Fine.
382
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:10,256
Hey, Ma.
383
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:14,360
Oh, how sweet.
Oh, honey, how sweet.
384
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,797
Put it down over there.
385
00:18:16,797 --> 00:18:18,498
How you feeling?
386
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:21,568
Oh, you know.
The bumper stickers are wrong.
387
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,469
Drugs are good.
388
00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:26,472
You sure? Maybe
we should have you
checked out.
389
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:30,744
You know, sometimes
they leave a sponge
inside‐‐
390
00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:33,580
I know.
You couldn't find Esther.
391
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:34,515
She's inside me. Ha ha.
392
00:18:34,515 --> 00:18:36,416
Damn it! He probably
didn't even do it right.
393
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,586
Did he make
the muffled yip noises?
That was the gold.
394
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,888
I'll kill him
when I get home.
395
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:45,692
Riley's not gonna
be there, Josh.
396
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:48,662
We broke up.
397
00:18:48,662 --> 00:18:49,663
What?
398
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:51,532
Why, you know?
399
00:18:51,532 --> 00:18:53,299
I thought you guys were
wrong for each other
400
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:54,467
and your relationship
was insane,
401
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,602
and I know I did
everything I could
to break you up,
402
00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:59,172
but I hope it wasn't
because of anything
I said.
403
00:19:00,641 --> 00:19:02,743
No. I just told him
404
00:19:02,743 --> 00:19:06,412
that he was
making me feel old.
405
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,615
Is that true?
406
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:11,284
No. I lied to him
407
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,353
because it was best for him,
408
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:17,691
the same way I got you
out of pee‐wee football.
409
00:19:17,691 --> 00:19:20,260
Wait a minute.
You took me out
410
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,461
because I was
such an animal
411
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:25,265
you were afraid
I was going to hurt
the other boys.
412
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:31,404
Honey, you broke your nose
putting on your helmet.
413
00:19:31,572 --> 00:19:32,673
I had to pull you out
414
00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:36,476
before you put on your cup.
415
00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,583
Well, there goes my best
childhood memory.
416
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,718
So why did you guys
really break up?
417
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:47,621
Oh, this was like
a rude awakening.
418
00:19:47,621 --> 00:19:48,889
I mean,
I really opened my eyes.
419
00:19:48,889 --> 00:19:51,558
What if this had been
something serious?
420
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:57,330
I don't want him
wasting his life
taking care of me.
421
00:19:57,731 --> 00:20:00,701
That's your job, sweetie.
422
00:20:01,568 --> 00:20:05,305
Now, would you
go get me some Jell‐O?
423
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,439
Green.
424
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,008
OK, Mom.
425
00:20:08,008 --> 00:20:08,775
Not lime, though.
426
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:12,946
What other kind
of green is there?
427
00:20:12,946 --> 00:20:15,682
Surprise me.
428
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:27,994
(sighs)
429
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:30,664
Oh, Riley.
430
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:10,003
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