Original subtitles

Oh, Riley, I'm just so nervous about this job interview.

What do you think about this outfit?

Didn't you try that on already?

No!

That was the white Versace and the black Donna Karan.

This is the white Dolce and the black Gucci.

Fran, you don't have to dress up to make an impression.

I already told my boss you're the most talented decorator I know.

Oh, that's so sweet.

You're right.

I can impress him with other things

like, uh...uh...

Oh, I better put on my traffic court push‐up bra.

Honey, what are you so nervous about?

Are you worried you're gonna have

a problem working under me?

No, I think we both agree

I do some of my best work there.

Josh, come on, I never ask you for anything.

Not true. Just last night,

you asked me to eat a certain bodily by‐product and die.

Mom‐‐

You know, part of me wants to know

what you're fighting about.

And part of me wants to know

why I fought for custody.

Well, I want Josh to tutor Becca

so she doesn't flunk english.

'cause if she flunks English,

then she's gonna be grounded.

Then I won't have a best friend.

Oh, Allison, you've lived

without friends all your life.

Come on!

Why does it have to be me?

Because Becca asked for you.

Josh, why don't you just do it?

I mean, she's a sweet girl.

And she's pretty, don't you think?

Mom, she's like 5 years younger than me.

Don't you think that's a little creepy?

Look who I'm asking.

Um, her parents said they'll pay you $25 an hour.

Really? Do you think this could turn into a long‐term gig?

I mean, how stupid is she?

That's the spirit. Leave no child behind.

Great, so I'll tell her you'll do it.

Can I give her your cell phone number?

No!

Well, you should have

said something sooner.

Whoa, we gotta go, babe.

All right, I'll see you there.

Oh, do we really have to go in separate cars?

Absolutely.

I didn't tell him we were a couple.

I don't want my boss to think

that I'm just trying to get my girlfriend a job.

So remember‐‐

I know. No kissing, hugging,

or touching in front of the boss.

Why don't you try that at home?

Why don't you try paying rent?

Oh, and by the way, I told him

that you have 20 years experience.

20 years? He's never gonna believe that.

Sure he will, Fran. Do the math.

If you started when you were‐‐

Sweetie? Sweetie?

Let's not fight on the first day of work.

♪ And I ♪

♪ Feel beautiful right now ♪

♪ For the first time in a long time ♪

♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪

♪ And life ♪

♪ Gets better every day ♪

♪ Though it seems so complicated ♪

♪ We're gonna work it out ♪

♪ Whatever comes our way ♪

Ah, Riley. Oh.

Is this the young woman you were telling me about?

Yes, it is. This is Fran Reeves.

Fran, this is Mr. Markley.

Call me Bryan.

Hi, Bryan.

You know, the way Riley talks about you,

I'm surprised you were available.

Oh, well, he talks about me that way

because he loves me‐‐ work.

And me attitude? Right, matey?

So what do you think of this den?

Well...

Be honest.

Well, we all know that women buy a house

for the kitchen and the bathroom,

so I really think that you have to make the den

for the man.

And Frankly, this room is a floral nightmare.

Unless the man of the house

is sleeping with another man of the house,

we really gotta butch it up.

I'm listening.

I would do a plasma TV over there,

I think this couch should be made out of leather,

and I like the fireplace,

but you have got to get rid of these fake logs

because everyone knows men like to build fires.

At my house, I never get to make one.

Because there's my son Josh and Rye‐‐

bread is so delicious

in front of a fire.

So how old is your son now?

Twenty‐one.

No. Mm‐hmm.

No one that makes gucci look that good has a son that old.

(giggles)

So, maybe we should get back down to business?

You know, my son's 24.

Lives with my ex‐wife.

Oh. Yeah.

Two years into law school, he drops out to become a tennis pro.

Well, I know we're not in competition,

but my son dropped out of med school,

and now he works at a video store

part‐time.

You know, I remember when this whole area

was the rego park drive‐in movie theater.

I used to go all the time with my boyfriend.

Yeah, I took a few dates here myself.

So what movies did you see?

There were movies there?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You know, sometimes I have to rent those same movies now

to find out what happens after the opening credits.

You know, apparently, Jaws is not a surfing movie.

(cackles)

Oh, you have a charming laugh.

Oh, come on!

And check out the rest of the house.

(beeping)

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm late for my next appointment.

But you know what?

I got a good feeling about you.

Well, I got a good feeling about you.

I want you to be my new boss.

All right then. We're on.

All right. And listen.

Since we're gonna work together,

I'll want to have some of your ideas.

So you should give me your phone number.

Does your cell phone have blue tooth?

Well, yes, it does.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Shall we synchronize on 3?

Okay.

BOTH: 1, 2, 3...

It was good for me. Was it good for you?

Oh, yeah.

Don't mind me.

My cell phone just likes to watch.

Anyway, I'm starting this new theme restaurant downtown,

and we're having this opening, so you should come.

I mean, everything's on the house,

which means that the martinis are watered down

and the crab cakes are the size of a quarter.

Well, thanks for the heads‐up.

I'll make sure I eat before I come.

Great, I look forward to seeing you there.

You come, too, Riley.

Thank you so much, Mr. Markley‐‐

Bryan.

Wow, that could not have gone any better!

But, you know, if he wants me

to be wearing gucci skirts all the time,

I'm gonna have to ask for a raise.

Aah, ha ha ha!

You know, my laugh is charming.

Okay, let's go over some poetry.

Why don't you tell me how many lines are in a sonnet?

What?

I love the way you chew.

Yeah, thanks. Up and down. I invented that.

See anybody else doing that, it's mine.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

ok, that's it. Your hour is up.

I want another hour.

But, Becca, we're supposed to go to the mall.

You should come with us, Josh.

We can go to the photo booth and take pictures

and then go to the food court,

and I can watch you chew some more.

ok, you know what?

I have got to get to my job at the video store,

and I always like to be...

A couple hours early.

Okay.

Hi, doll, how's the tutoring going?

Well, if she sits any closer to me,

I'll have to use all my tutoring money to pay for bail.

Don't even joke about that.

You wouldn't last a week in prison.

You know how you hate people touching your things.

Thanks for that, Mom.

I'll go...

Practice carving a bar of soap into a gun.

What happened after I left?

Did you see Markley?

Did he say anything about me?

I don't know.

Why don't you call and ask him?

I'll give you his number.

Oh, that's right,

you already have his number.

"Oh, blue tooth, let's go to a drive‐in."

You're jealous.

I'm not jealous.

I just want to kick his ass.

Riley, you're acting like a caveman.

I have never seen this side of you.

Now let's get upstairs and make some fire.

Why didn't you just say you had a boyfriend?

You told me not to say anything about you.

You could've made a guy up.

Why? He didn't ask me out on a date.

I haven't made up a boyfriend since I was in summer camp.

Did you want me to give myself a hickey, too?

You know what, Fran?

I'm not sure about this working together.

Are you crazy?

This is great jobs for both of us.

We have to make this work.

I don't know. I don't think

I can just stand by and watch him hit on you.

Well, get over it.

Men hit on me every day.

You don't see me complaining.

Hey, Becca.

Hello, Josh.

You know what, Allison,

why don't you hang out for a while?

Why? Because...

We don't spend enough time together, sis.

Okay.

I did my assignment, Josh.

I wrote a poem.

Great. Read it to me.

No, you read it.

No, you read it. No, you read it.

No, you read it. No‐‐

Okay, give that to me.

"He tries so hard to avoid my gaze,

it's clear what's on his mind,

wherever Josh may hide his heart,

i won't stop till I find...

it."

So did you understand the poem, Josh?

Yeah, Becca. I think any court in the land

would understand that poem.

Becca, you're making an idiot of yourself.

Allison, do you have to embarrass me right in front of Josh?

It's not more embarrassing than this poem.

Okay, you just went from my first

to my seventh best friend.

You rank your friends?

That is so immature.

Eighth!

Okay, you need to leave this house!

Allison, your brother moved back in.

Would you get over it.

We'll make today's lesson up tomorrow, Josh.

At my place.

Becca!

Josh, you have to break up with her.

What are you talking about?

Okay, a boy is coming between me and my best friend,

and it's not even a real boy.

It's you!

You know,

part of me wants to know what's going on,

but part of me just really wants

a green apple martini with a bendy straw.

Becca's like all over me,

and I'm doing nothing to encourage her.

C'mere, Josh.

It's time I told you about the family curse.

Ma, I know about the calcium humps

that skip a generation.

That's your father's side of the family.

My side of the family is cursed with charisma.

We attract the opposite sex

without even trying.

We're irresistible, we're youthful,

and when we're 40,

we still have the breasts of a 20‐year‐old.

Good to know I'll still be perky.

Listen, I'm suffering from the family curse

right now.

It's obvious that the boss likes me,

and Riley is all jealous.

We hardly spoke at work today.

Riley's jealous of another guy?

What is he, like, 6'9",

with hair spun from solid gold?

No, but he's rich and successful.

He's closer in age to me.

We have a lot in common.

And when we talk, Riley feels left out.

So Riley's jealous of a guy who's age appropriate

and the exact kind of man you would've brought home

if you hadn't met Riley.

Go figure.

Would you stop?

Here, you got a stalker.

You're old enough.

What I don't understand is why is he so mad at me?

Because you're a flirt.

I don't flirt.

Ma, you flirt with everybody.

Like who?

The guy at the deli.

Josh, smiling at the deli man

for a little extra pastrami

hardly makes me a street walker.

It's just the way I am.

I'm just saying you should be a little careful,

being as you have the family curse and all.

Maybe you're right.

Ahh! Maybe I was a little flirty with the boss.

All right, welL...

Tonight we're gonna have dinner with him at his party,

and I am gonna try and be more in control.

Would you stop!

Oh, Riley Martin,

how unusual to see you outside of the workplace.

Relax, Fran. Markley's not here yet.

Oh.

Oh, I'll tell you,

this using separate cars really sucks.

A cop stopped me on the way over here.

Did you know it was illegal to put mascara on when you're driving?

And it's no fun for me to drive fast

without you sitting next to me screaming,

"sSow down! My kishka's in my gurgle!"

Oh, Riley, this job is really important to the two of us,

and I don't want you to worry about Bryan,

because now I'm aware that sometimes

my natural sex appeal accidentally oozes.

I'm really gonna be in control of it tonight.

Are you sure?

Because if he tries bluetoothing you one more time,

he's going down.

No! You have to control yourself, too.

Don't you see, Riley?

This jealousy thing is coming from a place of insecurity.

Mature people, they don't make scenes.

Okay, you're right.

I love you.

I love you, too. Mmm.

Fran!

Oh, there, yes.

It's a little piece of pretzel right there.

Yeah, you got it. You got it.

Hi!

Wow. You look like a breath of springtime.

Oh, ha ha ha ha!

(quietly) Sorry.

Riley, what's the matter? You look a little tense.

Mingle, work the room.

Shall we join the party?

Sure.

So what do you think of this restaurant?

Do you know that you actually eat in the beds?

Well, this is a switch...

Get a woman in bed, and then buy her dinner.

Damn my sexy banter.

Join me.

Oh, come on in. Come on.

I promise I won't hog the blankets.

Ha ha ha ha.

There's that beautiful laugh again.

(whispers) I'm cursed. I am cursed.

Oh, there she is.

Fran, this is my daughter Sara.

Sara, this is my new decorator Fran Reeves.

It's nice to meet you.

Same here.

What the matter with you, sweetheart?

I'm bored.

These are all your friends.

I don't know anybody.

Oh, come on.

There must be someone here for you to talk to.

I know. My contractor Riley.

Heh?

He's a great guy. You'll have a lot in common.

Don't you think so, Fran?

Heh?

Riley! Riley.

Damn!

I know that smile. You behave yourself.

I have a feeling we're looking at my future ex‐son‐in‐law.

Ha ha ha.

Daddy, before you marry me off,

can I least decide if he's a good kisser?

Oh, that's not gonna happen.

Why?

Uh, because he's gay.

Really?

No.

Hey, Mr. Markley. Fran.

Riley, I'd like you to meet my daughter Sara.

Hi.

Hello.

Why don't you join us?

Okay.

Move over, Daddy.

Aah!

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm just glad it's not a bunk bed.

So this is cozy.

Although I should warn you, I snore.

Ha ha ha!

It's not funny.

It could lead to sleep apnea and he could die.

Is it just me or is it getting a little hot in here?

You know, I'm a little warm myself.

Let me just move over to the vent over here.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Ow!

Ooh.

Ow.

Have you ever heard of Club Reload?

Yeah.

Well, let's go there.

Then after, maybe we can find a bed that doesn't have my dad in it.

Hey!

Fran!

What was that about?

I'm sorry, didn't you ask for a pillow?

No.

Then I'm sorry again.

Ay!

That was a zipper.

Aah!

(chanting) Fight, fight, fight, fight!

Becca, we need to talk about you and me.

Oh, my god. You have a girlfriend.

Ha ha.

Sorry.

Look, you're smart, you're pretty,

you're...a fine poet.

But I don't think it's gonna work out between us.

I mean, maybe if you were older or this was Arkansas,

but...

(crying)

Oh, Rebecca.

He hates me.

No, he doesn't.

He's terrible with women.

Josh, how could you be so cruel?

Allison, you were‐‐

No. You know what? Come on. The mall is still open.

We're going to take you to Brookstone.

You can sit in the massage chair until they kick us out.

I could never live without you, Allison.

You're back to being my best friend.

And, Josh, you're no longer my favorite guy.

You're number five.

Fine, but for the record,

I don't hate you.

Okay, four.

Get outta here before I end up where I started.

Well, yet another restaurant

who has legally prohibited us

from ever entering it again.

What I don't understand is how you could be jealous

of that gorgeous age‐appropriate woman.

That just shows insecurity, lack of trust...

Oh, shut up.

And immaturity.

Well, I don't care.

I don't think that it's possible for two people

in a passionate relationship

to not have some jealousy.

Yeah, I guess I'm just gonna have to get used to guys hitting on you.

And I'm gonna have to get used to

hitting girls who hit on you.

Babe, thank you.

For what, losing your job?

No, for the pillow fight.

It was excellent.

Well, she's just lucky that a pillow was the only thing within reach.

Things might've gotten a little messy if we were at Benihana.

Honey, you were like a cavewoman.

I really belted her, didn't I?

Yeah. I've never seen that side of you before.

Now, come on upstairs and let's make that fire.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

A curse is a curse.

Captioned by The National Captioning Institute