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1
00:00:06,106 --> 00:00:09,075
So, what are
you wearing?
2
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:12,746
Really? Nothing?
Me, too.
3
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:16,482
Josh,
those phone calls
cost 3.99 a minute.
4
00:00:16,482 --> 00:00:18,585
Use your own phone.
5
00:00:18,585 --> 00:00:22,122
It's Tina.
We're discussing
Halloween costumes.
6
00:00:22,122 --> 00:00:23,356
Oh, good.
7
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,326
Okay, Tina, I'm
gonna call you back.
8
00:00:27,393 --> 00:00:30,063
Say, what are you guys
doing for Halloween?
9
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:30,797
You doing anything?
10
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:31,798
Anything fun?
'cause you should.
11
00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:32,533
You should
do something fun.
12
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:35,401
You know, get out
of the house.
13
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,639
Tryin' to get
rid of us, Josh?
14
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,306
Yes.
15
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,308
Got a hot date?
16
00:00:42,308 --> 00:00:43,610
Yes, but
for the record,
17
00:00:43,610 --> 00:00:48,214
the answer to "Are you
trying to get rid of us?"
is always "Yes."
18
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:51,685
Oh, I remember like
it was yesterday
19
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:52,853
when you
were 8 years old
20
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,220
and you wanted
to be dressed
21
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,258
for Halloween like
the Incredible Hulk.
22
00:00:58,525 --> 00:01:03,129
Only everybody
thought you
were Yoda.
23
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:04,798
Good morning.
24
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,799
Morning.
25
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,800
Aah!
26
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,901
What?
27
00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:12,105
Your costume‐‐
loser living at home‐‐
it is chilling.
28
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:15,542
You guys have to let me
go to Rachel's
Halloween party.
29
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:16,843
Why? They need you
to sit in a window
30
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:19,345
with a candle
in your mouth?
31
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,914
I know it's a weekday,
32
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,550
but can I stay out till
midnight, please? Please.
33
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,518
How are you
getting there?
34
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:25,351
Todd is driving.
35
00:01:25,351 --> 00:01:26,419
Will Rachel's parents
be at the party?
36
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:30,423
Yes.
Will Rachel's parents
be at the same party?
37
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,792
Yes.
38
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,226
Okay. Midnight,
39
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:34,394
but not
a minute later.
40
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,428
Okay. Thank you.
41
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,230
Boy, I'm
really getting
42
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:40,233
the single mom
thing down.
43
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,668
What are we doing
for Halloween, hon?
44
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:45,706
Well, I thought
I'd wear this really
slinky leopard dress
45
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:49,142
with spiked heels
and a studded collar.
46
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,511
So we're staying in?
47
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:51,712
(laughs) No.
48
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:55,882
We're going
to a fabulous party
at Jessica Morgan's house.
49
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:58,318
You know, she's loaded
and recently divorced,
50
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:01,688
so she's just ready
to redo 4,000 square feet
51
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:06,426
of her "never should've
married the S. O. B." house.
52
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,630
And I am just
the decorator to redo it.
53
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,698
A party. Cool.
What should I go as?
54
00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:13,800
See, that's
what I love about you.
55
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,902
Ted never would've
gotten into a costume.
56
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:21,474
The only thing he wanted
to get into on Halloween
was his scrub nurse.
57
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:25,178
But that's what
makes you so perfect.
58
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:27,948
I wouldn't say
perfect, Fran.
59
00:02:27,948 --> 00:02:31,351
That's what
you have me for.
60
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,486
(telephone rings)
61
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:36,723
Mmm, this is delicious.
62
00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,458
Hello?
63
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,561
Really? Unbelievable.
64
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:46,432
Fran, get this. We
just won a free Halloween
excursion to Atlantic City.
65
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:47,968
Ah, give me that.
66
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,370
Hold on.
67
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:53,239
Josh, knock it off.
68
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,812
♪ And I ♪
69
00:02:58,812 --> 00:03:01,214
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
70
00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:03,950
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
71
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:06,953
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
72
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:08,922
♪ And life ♪
73
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:11,224
♪ Gets better every day ♪
74
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:14,227
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
75
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,596
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
76
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,631
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
77
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,347
So, which one's our hostess?
78
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,249
Oh, she's around here
somewhere.
79
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,584
Let's find her
and say hi.
80
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:38,451
What's your rush?
81
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:40,420
You don't want to say hi
to your friend?
82
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:44,324
Did I say
she was my friend?
83
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:48,729
If she's not your friend,
why'd she invite us?
84
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,966
Did I say
she invited us?
85
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,703
We're crashing
this party?
86
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:57,871
Ssshhhh.
87
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:58,972
After a couple
of drinks,
88
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:02,308
she's not even going
to know who the hell
she invited.
89
00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:03,844
Here. Hold my leash.
90
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:04,811
I can't believe
you did this.
91
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:06,747
Look, if I
waited for every
prospective client
92
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,850
to invite me
to their home, I'd
be out of business.
93
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:13,920
You think we were
invited to that
funeral last july?
94
00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:18,424
Fran, you gave a speech.
95
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:19,726
So? It was
from the heart.
96
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:22,829
"Everyone loved
him. We're all
gonna miss him."
97
00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:26,633
Blah blah blah.
What's so hard?
98
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,434
ok. We're leaving.
99
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,370
Oh, no. Wait. Wait.
100
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,372
Just give me a chance
to do a little networking.
101
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:35,341
A half hour to give out
some of my business cards.
102
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,810
Why don't you
just mingle?
103
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,478
Try and look
inconspicuous.
104
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:43,383
Hey, wonder woman!
Remember me?
Fran from the funer‐‐
105
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,052
(thud)
106
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:50,924
FRAN: Let go
of the leash!
107
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:52,058
(girl screaming)
108
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:53,727
(laughs)
109
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:55,962
This is the scary part
coming up.
110
00:04:55,962 --> 00:05:00,701
You may wanna slide
into the security zone.
111
00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:04,037
Ooh. He just stuck that guy
on a meat hook.
112
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,340
That is so cool.
113
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,308
Wow.
114
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,577
A woman that
digs a live body
on a meat hook.
115
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:13,013
Now I'm scared.
116
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:14,948
Hold me.
117
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,784
Aw, poor baby.
Come here.
118
00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:18,652
(laughs)
119
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:19,586
Is this better?
120
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:23,957
Well, it'll probably
help if we made out.
121
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:24,991
(doorbell rings)
122
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:30,496
Aw. Trick‐or‐treaters.
The hell do they want?
123
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,933
I'll be right back.
124
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,837
ALL: Trick or treat!
125
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,805
Okay. Here you go.
126
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:42,042
Here you go.
Here you go,
127
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,077
and now go.
128
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,712
(knock on door)
129
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:48,381
What are we, the only
house on the block?
130
00:05:49,415 --> 00:05:50,684
Here you go‐‐
131
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,953
tell me
that's a costume.
132
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,857
Officer, little harsh
for a first offense,
133
00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,026
but I'm sure you did
what you had to do.
134
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,895
This your brother?
135
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:02,896
What's going on?
136
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:03,730
Your sister
was driving alone,
137
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,166
and she's only got
a learner's permit.
138
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,068
Well, she is
gonna have to spend
139
00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,070
a night in jail,
isn't she?
140
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:13,073
For at least
a couple hours.
141
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,541
We're kinda
swamped tonight,
142
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,743
so I'm just gonna let
your parents handle this.
143
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,946
Car's parked
at 69th and woodhaven.
144
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:21,081
Got it. Thanks.
145
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,082
You pull this again,
young lady,
146
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:25,919
and you can forget about
ever getting a license.
147
00:06:25,919 --> 00:06:27,087
Understood?
148
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,955
Yes, sir.
149
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:29,990
And you.
150
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,057
Yes, sir?
151
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:34,661
Are those
Jolly Ranchers?
152
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,431
There you go.
153
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,637
I can't believe you.
154
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:45,739
Todd was sick, and
I couldn't get a ride.
155
00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:49,475
And I didn't want
to miss the party,
so I took Mom's car.
156
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:51,144
The Mercedes?
Are you crazy?
157
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:52,045
When she got divorced,
158
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,847
she fought harder
for custody of that car
159
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:55,081
than she did for you.
160
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:58,952
Oh, what's your problem?
I'm the one who's
missing the party.
161
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,054
Hi. I'm Allison.
162
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:02,623
Tina.
163
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,490
I like your axe.
164
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:09,129
Thanks. I wanted
real blood, but Josh
is a light sleeper.
165
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,532
Allison, aren't you
the least bit worried
166
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,866
about what Mom
is gonna do to you?
167
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:15,235
She's not
even gonna know
unless you rat on me.
168
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,771
Come on, Josh. We're
brother and sister.
169
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,806
We do things
for each other.
170
00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,141
Not good things.
171
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:25,178
Okay, Josh. Why don't
we just pick up the car
and call it a night?
172
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,079
Okay.
173
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,049
I hope you die.
174
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,116
Josh.
175
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,017
Okay. All right.
176
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,521
I hope you die horribly.
177
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,558
HI. I'm Fran Reeves.
Remember?
178
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,125
From the
Shankman funeral?
179
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,095
Oh, yes. Right. You
made that lovely speech.
180
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:46,600
Anyhoo, you know,
you must really care
about your husband
181
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:50,136
because I see him
in every corner
of this room
182
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,806
from the leather couches
to the model boats
183
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,943
to the beer sign
over that pool table
over there.
184
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,244
I hate
all that crap.
185
00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,279
Every time
I look at it,
186
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:02,182
it reminds me
of that cheating
louse I divorced.
187
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:05,151
Well, you know,
I'm a decorator,
188
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:09,923
and de‐lousing happens
to be my specialty.
189
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,527
Think about it.
190
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:17,631
So, uh, I'll have
a lemon drop, please.
191
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,033
Uh, vodka, triple sec,
lemon juice, and sugar.
192
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:25,305
Thanks. You're either
a bartender or a lush.
193
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,774
Well, right now,
just a bartender,
194
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,010
but the night
is young.
195
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,277
(laughs)
196
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,145
I'm beth.
197
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:33,313
Oh, hI. I'm Fran.
198
00:08:33,313 --> 00:08:35,281
How do you know
our hostess?
199
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,082
I don't.
200
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,084
Really? You crashed
this party, too?
201
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:40,086
You know,
I'm a decorator,
202
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,255
and I'm trying to drum up
business for myself.
203
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:46,593
And this girl is ripe
for the plucking.
204
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,630
I didn't crash.
205
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,532
Me neither.
206
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:55,068
I'm here with a guy
I met at the restaurant
where I work.
207
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,770
Oh.
The grasshopper grill.
208
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,138
We've been out
a couple of times,
209
00:08:58,138 --> 00:09:00,641
but I don't get
too attached anymore.
210
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,808
I got burned.
211
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,143
I know where
you're coming from.
212
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:08,048
I was married
to the wrong man
for 19 years.
213
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,150
Had I run him over
at the honeymoon,
214
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:14,220
I would've
been out in 15.
215
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:15,088
I hear ya.
216
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:17,891
I was living
with a guy for 2 years
217
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,226
until I realized
what a jerk he was.
218
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,796
Well, you know,
don't lose
the faith,
219
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,297
because not
all men are evil.
220
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:28,201
My new boyfriend
is the exact
opposite of my ex.
221
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:33,306
He's sweet
and considerate
and loving.
222
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,040
Sounds perfect.
223
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,177
Plus, he's younger
and gorgeous.
224
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,746
All right. Now you're
just pissing me off.
225
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,247
(laughs)
226
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,716
Just don't
get bitter.
227
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,151
Pour it out, honey.
I'm here for you.
228
00:09:45,151 --> 00:09:47,153
Fran,
would 300 grand
229
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,689
do this
whole house?
230
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,256
See ya.
231
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,594
Can I get a beer?
232
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,896
I don't think
you understood.
233
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:59,265
I said, "I'm
a big game hunter."
234
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,168
Game.
235
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,206
Riley?
236
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,107
Beth?
237
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,309
You bastard!
238
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,180
Think that's
a lovers' quarrel?
239
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:17,918
It will be
when I get over there.
240
00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,625
(growling)
241
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:39,405
Fran, you're
being ridiculous.
242
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,207
It was
just a bad breakup.
243
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,375
I'm being ridiculous?
244
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,111
I'm not the one with
this whole other life.
245
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,280
What else don't I know
about you, Riley,
246
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,917
if that's
your real name?
247
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,054
It's in the past.
248
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,922
It has nothing
to do with us now.
249
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:57,390
Will you just let it go?
250
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,559
Let it go?
251
00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:02,162
I find out that
you were living with
a woman for 2 years,
252
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,397
she throws her drink
in your face,
253
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,365
calls you a bastard.
254
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:10,871
I'm sorry, but that
begs the question, "Huh?"
255
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:14,307
I've told you
everything
there is to know.
256
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:17,377
Now I'm really tired,
I wanna get out
of this costume,
257
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,412
and unless you've won
the world series,
258
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,216
getting champagne
in the face sucks.
259
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,218
I'll be upstairs.
260
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,354
He is gonna
be very, very sorry
261
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,693
when he realizes that
I'm not making love tonight.
262
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,763
With my usual gusto.
263
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,132
Hey, Josh, I didn't know
you were home.
264
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,300
Well, I try
not to interrupt
265
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,234
when you
and Riley are arguing.
266
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:45,739
You never know when
it might be the big one.
267
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:47,440
So how much
did you hear?
268
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,341
Everything.
269
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,477
Believe it or not, ma,
your voice carries.
270
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:55,749
So you know
everything that I know.
271
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:58,752
How'd your date
with Tina go?
272
00:11:58,752 --> 00:11:59,620
It was all right.
273
00:11:59,620 --> 00:12:02,923
Ma, if you knew something
about somebody
274
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,959
and that somebody
wouldn't want
somebody else to know‐‐
275
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:07,794
Oh, no!
Riley was in jail?!
276
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:09,429
No.
He's a Nazi?!
277
00:12:09,429 --> 00:12:11,131
No.
He's a woman?!
278
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,099
No.
He's a woman Nazi?!
279
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:15,468
Mom, stop guessing!
280
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:16,837
You know what? Forget it.
281
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,104
I'm gonna
take care of it myself.
282
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:19,372
It has nothing to do
with Riley.
283
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,007
And, besides,
if you're so worried
284
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:21,808
he's not
telling you everything,
285
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:23,443
why don't you
just go ask this girl?
286
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:27,480
Josh, I would never
think of something
like that.
287
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,485
But now that you put
the idea in my head,
288
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:35,455
I guess I'm just
gonna have to do it.
289
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,257
Thank you very much.
290
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:40,527
I hope
you can sleep tonight.
291
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,262
Okay, she's insane.
292
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,498
Your voice
carries, too, pal.
293
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:12,158
What am I supposed
to say to you, Riley?
294
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:13,293
I don't know.
295
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:18,364
Really didn't
get much of a chance
to talk last night.
296
00:13:18,364 --> 00:13:23,837
(coughs)
297
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:30,343
Oh, that's no good.
298
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:36,216
I don't blame you for
what you did at the party.
299
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:38,552
Oh, you seem like
a very nice man.
300
00:13:38,552 --> 00:13:42,856
I know.
I used to be one.
301
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,094
I suppose you want
your engagement ring back.
302
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,863
(gasps)
303
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,104
I told you
you can keep the ring.
304
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:01,074
You still living
with that old lady?
305
00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:04,144
She's "older," Beth,
not "old."
306
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,580
I know "I'm sorry"
wasn't enough then,
307
00:14:06,580 --> 00:14:08,649
and it probably
isn't enough now.
308
00:14:08,649 --> 00:14:10,884
I never gave you
the chance to yell at me,
309
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:11,852
and you deserve that.
310
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:14,120
Well, I was busy
doing so many other things
311
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:16,289
like explaining to an
entire church full of people
312
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:19,292
why my fiancé
didn't show up
for the wedding.
313
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,193
(gasps)
314
00:14:21,595 --> 00:14:22,596
Fran?
Fran?
315
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:23,897
You know her?
316
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,231
Yeah, I met her
last night at the party.
317
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:26,432
This is the woman
I live with.
318
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:32,906
You're kidding?
You're the great guy
she was talking about?
319
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,409
Oh, my god!
320
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:43,650
Honey, are you okay?
321
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:45,085
I don't know.
322
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:48,922
How big was the...ring?
323
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:02,335
Bup bup bup bup bup.
324
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,707
What? I looked it
up online.
325
00:15:06,707 --> 00:15:08,341
Chunky peanut butter,
one slice banana,
326
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:13,346
fried on both sides,
exactly the way
Elvis had it.
327
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,482
I don't believe
there was crust.
328
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,552
No, no. That's okay.
329
00:15:18,552 --> 00:15:23,023
I'll eat it, but only
because I'm hungry.
330
00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:26,259
Bup bup bup bup bup.
331
00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:30,731
I can't believe
you're doing this
332
00:15:30,731 --> 00:15:32,533
just to keep
some stupid secret.
333
00:15:32,533 --> 00:15:34,701
You know, one day,
you may have a life
334
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:38,705
and you better pray that I
don't find out about it.
335
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,675
By the way,
I dropped a piece of sushi
336
00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:42,776
behind my desk
a couple months ago.
337
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:47,080
You wanna be a doll
and pick that up
for me? Thanks.
338
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,348
I think it might
have liquefied by now,
339
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,382
so you
wanna use gloves.
340
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,018
Okay
341
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:52,853
Dream on.
342
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:55,321
I have already
reorganized your closet,
343
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:56,489
cleaned
your electric razor,
344
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:59,726
oh, separated
your trail mix into
individual ingredients
345
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:04,097
so that you can make
your special Josh mix.
346
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,999
I'm not picking up
some liquid fish.
347
00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:07,200
Mommy?
Okay.
348
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:13,674
And when you're done
getting the sushi,
349
00:16:13,674 --> 00:16:16,242
I think I'm in the mood
for a smoothie.
350
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:18,078
Kiwi/mango.
351
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,681
We don't have
any kiwis or mangoes.
352
00:16:20,681 --> 00:16:24,685
And whose problem
is that?
353
00:16:25,586 --> 00:16:29,623
Okay, what do
you have over her?
354
00:16:29,623 --> 00:16:31,658
Is it something
I can ignore
355
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:36,162
without getting a call
from children's services?
356
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,298
Yes, and
if my plan works,
357
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:40,033
you'll know
soon enough.
358
00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,434
Good.
359
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:44,204
Is that an Elvis?
360
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,773
Gimme.
361
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,475
What's with the crust?
362
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:55,415
Okay, I hope
you're happy.
363
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,518
You went down there to
nose around in my past,
364
00:16:57,518 --> 00:16:58,685
and you
found out something
365
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,121
you were better off
not knowing.
366
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:09,696
Are you trying to
turn this around on me?
367
00:17:10,631 --> 00:17:12,533
Let me tell you
something, honey.
368
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:15,736
I once
rear‐ended a lawyer
369
00:17:15,736 --> 00:17:18,705
and ended up
collecting from him.
370
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:22,709
Okay. I had just
broken up with beth
371
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,210
before I asked you out.
372
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:25,445
I couldn't
tell you then.
373
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:28,114
You were already
on the fence about
our age difference.
374
00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,717
I figured
you'd think I was
some flaky young guy
375
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:34,320
hopping from
one gorgeous chick
to the next.
376
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:40,093
I'm listening.
377
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,662
When you hired me
as your contractor,
378
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:42,896
I saw you every day.
379
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:46,332
I got to know you
and like you and
more than like you,
380
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:47,734
and even though
I wasn't sure
381
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,670
that you and I
would ever work out,
382
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:50,704
I knew I'd be
making a huge mistake
383
00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:52,272
if I married Beth.
384
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,141
Well, how come
it took me a year and a half
385
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,442
to find out about it
386
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,278
and not even from you?
387
00:17:58,278 --> 00:17:59,713
I planned
on telling you,
388
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:02,883
but every time I tried,
it wasn't a good time,
389
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:05,619
as it turns out,
there's never
a good time
390
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:06,687
to tell
the woman you love
391
00:18:06,687 --> 00:18:10,791
you left
your last girlfriend
standing at the altar.
392
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:15,829
Yeah, well,
I could see where that
could raise a red flag.
393
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:19,432
But what happened
between you and Beth
is in the past.
394
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:23,770
It became
about you and me
when I asked you about it
395
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:25,772
and you lied to my face.
396
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,608
That is so unlike you.
397
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,710
Why, because
I'm the perfect man?
398
00:18:29,710 --> 00:18:31,411
What's that
supposed to mean?
399
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,813
You tell me that
all the time.
400
00:18:32,813 --> 00:18:34,247
You say
I'm the perfect man,
401
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:36,783
I'm the best thing that
ever happened to you.
402
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,451
Well, you are.
403
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,853
And that's why
it was so hard for me
404
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:43,657
to tell you the worst
thing I ever did.
405
00:18:46,226 --> 00:18:51,732
Oh, sweetie, I know
that you're not perfect.
406
00:18:51,732 --> 00:18:52,866
I mean, you're young.
407
00:18:52,866 --> 00:18:54,801
You have to learn
from your mistakes.
408
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:58,505
I don't expect you
to know then
what you know now
409
00:18:58,505 --> 00:19:02,576
or even what you're
gonna know 10 years from now.
410
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,711
Look at me,
I'm not perfect
411
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:08,815
or I would've found fault
with you much sooner.
412
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,352
Come on, we really
have to promise
413
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,787
never to have this
happen again.
414
00:19:13,787 --> 00:19:16,590
I think that
we have to be totally honest
415
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:19,492
and upfront
about our past.
416
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,294
Me first.
417
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,396
Ted.
418
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,200
Now you go.
419
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:29,670
Okay.
420
00:19:29,670 --> 00:19:32,639
Before Beth,
there were these
aerobic twins‐‐
421
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,842
Bup bup bup bup.
422
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,911
I changed my mind.
423
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:41,582
But, sweetie,
there is something
that I am curious about.
424
00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:43,283
It wasn't even
a real diamond.
425
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,485
It was
cubic zirconium.
426
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,352
Really?
427
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,923
That's my story,
and I'm sticking to it.
428
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,563
This is the most
demeaning thing
429
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,332
I've ever done
in my life.
430
00:19:59,332 --> 00:20:00,634
I wouldn't be
so sure of that.
431
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,236
The dog chased something
under my bed.
432
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,807
It was either
a small rodent
433
00:20:06,807 --> 00:20:09,643
or a giant roach.
434
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:12,579
Anyway, no matter now,
it's dead.
435
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,314
I hope you kept the gloves.
436
00:20:14,314 --> 00:20:17,718
That's it. No more.
437
00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:18,985
Mom!
438
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:21,755
Don't even bother.
Nothing is worth this.
439
00:20:21,755 --> 00:20:23,657
Fan yourself.
440
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:28,261
FRAN: My Mercedes?!
441
00:20:28,261 --> 00:20:33,266
Get upstairs
until I decide
what to do with you!
442
00:20:34,935 --> 00:20:37,871
You kept a secret
from me, too?
443
00:20:37,871 --> 00:20:39,305
Yeah.
444
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,240
And instead
of telling me,
445
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,843
you tortured your sister
until she confessed?
446
00:20:42,843 --> 00:20:43,744
Yeah.
447
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,446
Nicely done.
448
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:50,951
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