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1
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:05,539
Good afternoon.
2
00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:06,740
Hi.
3
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,174
I smell raspberry.
4
00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:10,343
Ooh, that's
your good conditioner.
5
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:13,614
Somebody's got a date.
Josh has got a date.
6
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,648
Who are you going out
with?
7
00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:17,050
Can't a guy have
freshly scented hair
8
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,752
without getting
the third degree?
9
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:23,389
Well, not when you
iron your new chinos.
10
00:00:23,389 --> 00:00:24,224
Who's your
new girlfriend?
11
00:00:24,224 --> 00:00:26,259
Mom, stop. It's
only our second date.
12
00:00:26,259 --> 00:00:31,665
You're going steady and
you didn't even tell me?
13
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,567
Why, Joshie, why?
14
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,769
I think you're answering
your own question.
15
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,471
Where'd you meet
her? If you don't
mind my asking.
16
00:00:38,471 --> 00:00:39,706
Yoga.
17
00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:42,108
Oh, him you tell,
but your mother
you treat like dirt.
18
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:45,579
It's no big deal.
After class,
we started talking,
19
00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:49,149
and today we're
meeting for coffee
at King Kaffeine.
20
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:52,152
Nice place. I built
their bean display.
21
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:55,221
So, when
do I get to meet
this special woman?
22
00:00:55,221 --> 00:00:57,791
Let me think about that.
How about never?
23
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:02,262
But it takes a mother
to judge who loves you
as much as I do.
24
00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:05,198
Mom, I'm going out on
a date with her, not you.
25
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:09,670
I'm sorry, but I
don't need your help.
26
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:10,871
However...
27
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,105
Will 20 do?
28
00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:14,107
I love you, Mommy.
29
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:19,179
Joshua met a girl.
That's great.
30
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,113
Yeah, it is great.
31
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:24,885
Hey, why don't
you and I go
out for coffee?
32
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:28,121
No, Fran.
33
00:01:29,289 --> 00:01:32,693
Allison, do you think
it would be wrong of me
34
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,361
to spy on your brother
at the coffee shop?
35
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:36,129
Maybe a little.
36
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:39,299
Oh, who asked you?
Get in the car.
37
00:01:41,201 --> 00:01:42,803
♪ And I ♪
38
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:45,171
♪ Feel beautiful
right now ♪
39
00:01:45,171 --> 00:01:48,141
♪ For the first time
in a long time ♪
40
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:51,177
♪ I'm letting my hair down ♪
41
00:01:51,177 --> 00:01:53,146
♪ And life ♪
42
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,315
♪ Gets better every day ♪
43
00:01:55,315 --> 00:01:58,318
♪ Though it seems
so complicated ♪
44
00:01:58,318 --> 00:01:59,853
♪ We're gonna work it out ♪
45
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:01,855
♪ Whatever comes our way ♪
46
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:07,828
(sniffs)
47
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,597
Raspberry.
48
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,303
She is cute.
49
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:20,941
I know. Whoever thought
your brother had
so much game?
50
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,644
Oh... my... god.
51
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:24,511
What is it?
52
00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,512
Ok, just bear in mind
53
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,514
there's always that one
normal kid in the family
54
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:30,316
like the one you never
saw on The Osbournes.
55
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:32,352
I'm that kid.
56
00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:37,558
Joshie, what a surprise
to see you here!
57
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:38,525
We were
on our way to the‐‐
58
00:02:38,525 --> 00:02:40,360
Oh, just stop it!
59
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,829
So, who's
this pretty girl?
60
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,197
Hi. I'm Heather.
61
00:02:44,197 --> 00:02:46,900
Hi, I'm Fran, Josh's mom.
62
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:51,505
Oh, my god. You look like
you could be his sister.
63
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,474
Sadly,
that role is taken.
64
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:56,610
I'm very sorry
about this.
65
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,544
You can take
our seats
66
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,712
because we uere
just leaving.
67
00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:03,316
What's with showing us
the gate? We've hardly
said hello.
68
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,551
Hey, I've got a great idea.
69
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:08,922
Why don't you invite
Heather to our house
for dinner tonight?
70
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,056
Isn't that great,
Allison?
71
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:14,895
Oh, yes, Mother.
Dinner tonight. That
would be awesome.
72
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:15,762
6:00?
73
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,531
Works for me.
74
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,200
See you then.
75
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:23,704
You were here,
like, 10 seconds.
76
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:25,972
Personal best.
77
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:30,276
You know, if I said it
myself, I'd be bragging.
78
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:36,316
Your father's half‐Jewish
and your mother's
half‐Jewish, too?
79
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:40,320
That makes a whole Jew.
It works for me.
80
00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,690
Mom.
Huh?
81
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,859
3 feet rule.
82
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,730
Josh, your mother's great.
I don't know what
you were worried about.
83
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:52,332
Oh, he was a born worrier.
When they cut the cord,
84
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:55,836
he rolled it up
so no one would trip.
85
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,305
It's a joke.
86
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,007
Excuse me. Which way
to the ladies' room?
87
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:02,943
Oh, come on,
I'll show you.
88
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,611
Thanks, sweetie.
89
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:09,916
Well, I'll tell you, Josh,
this Heather is a keeper.
90
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,885
I don't know any guy
that wouldn't want her.
91
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:14,588
And tonight,
it wasn't so awful, right?
92
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:19,292
Well, it wasn't
Aunt‐Shirley‐in‐
the‐hot‐tub awful.
93
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,695
I guess every once
in a while, you
have a good idea.
94
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,330
Oh, I always
have good ideas.
95
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:28,802
And F. Y. I., I begged
Aunt Shirly to keep
her bathing suit on.
96
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:33,073
Hey, babe.
Sorry I'm so late.
97
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,240
Hi, sweetie.
98
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:37,611
Guess what? Josh
brought home a girl
for dinner tonight.
99
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:38,444
She's upstairs now.
100
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,581
Bringing the lady home,
Josh. Classy.
101
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:44,751
Mom invited her after
she accidentally bumped
into us on purpose.
102
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,286
Franny.
103
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:50,090
Oh, here she is now.
104
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,091
Riley?
105
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,426
Heather?
Hi!
106
00:04:53,426 --> 00:04:56,062
Oh, my God!
107
00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:58,398
Wow!
108
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:04,671
Do you guys
know each other?
109
00:05:04,671 --> 00:05:06,873
Yeah. We used to date.
110
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,612
(laughs)
111
00:05:16,883 --> 00:05:21,888
So you two dated, huh?
112
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,990
Only like
a million years ago.
113
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:30,997
That's so funny
'cause you don't look
a million years old.
114
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,635
So you
dated Riley?
115
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,803
Josh talked about his mother
and a guy named Riley,
116
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:40,874
but I didn't put it
together. This is amazing!
117
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:41,942
Totally amazing!
118
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,744
Do you remember that time
you ran across the street
119
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,445
from your place to mine
in your boxers?
120
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:49,082
No, you ran across
the street in my boxers.
121
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:54,921
I am so happy
I stayed home tonight.
122
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,724
So you
dated Riley?
123
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,994
Yes, Josh, that
seems to be the
news of the day.
124
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:07,067
You know, I thought I saw
Josh get into a truck that
looked like yours after yoga.
125
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,604
Oh, does he
still hum when he
brushes his teeth?
126
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:17,143
Yes, he does,
and how adorable that
you should know that.
127
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,446
And does he still
tense up right before
that last little‐‐
128
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:26,452
Ah! Tick‐tock, tick‐tock.
You're gonna miss the movie.
129
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,889
Watch out, Josh.
She talks back
at the screen.
130
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:30,190
Hey, only when it's scary
and people are stupid.
131
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:34,060
Then I'm all like,
"Don't go in the basement!
He's got a hatchet!"
132
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,830
Bye. Have
a good time.
133
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:40,967
So, to be clear,
you dated Riley?
134
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:45,672
Wow, what a small world.
Did you make me a plate?
135
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:52,112
No. So when exactly
did you date this Heather?
136
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:53,046
A few years ago.
137
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,981
I find it funny that
you never mentioned it.
138
00:06:54,981 --> 00:06:58,885
I dated a lot of
girls, Fran. I can't
remember every one.
139
00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:01,988
Yeah. Except
you did tell me
140
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:08,094
about Susan and
Brooke and Jennifer
and Jenna and Jenny...
141
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,664
And the one
with the nose ring.
142
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,799
Oh, Jen.
Right.
143
00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:13,834
But you never‐‐
144
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,602
I'm gonna nip this
right here.
145
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,871
Heather and I
were no big deal.
146
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,973
Ok, fine.
147
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:20,907
Mmm.
148
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:24,110
The thing is...
(sighs)
149
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:27,013
I've been kind of
thinking of us
150
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:29,249
as being the same,
151
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:32,686
but when I meet somebody
that you used to date,
152
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:38,792
it reminds me that I'm
a little more... seasoned?
153
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:42,696
Honey, you are
seasoned just right.
154
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,997
Which reminds me,
I'm starved.
155
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:45,899
I gotta get a bacon
cheeseburger.
156
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:47,133
You want one, babe?
157
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,703
No, I'm good.
158
00:07:49,703 --> 00:07:51,705
You certainly are.
159
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:56,176
Heh! Ahh!
160
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:57,143
Now, you see that?
161
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:01,147
That is what
we call a catch.
162
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,248
(sighs) Well...
163
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:07,821
This was a funny,
kind of a crazy
coincidence, huh?
164
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:13,126
A crazy,
pretty nauseating
coincidence
165
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:16,663
that Heather
hears Josh tell her
166
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:19,165
about some guy
named Riley.
167
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,034
Then next thing
you know,
168
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:28,108
she's dating Josh
and hugging Riley
in my kitchen.
169
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:33,046
Are you saying
she's just using Josh
to get back with Riley?
170
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:37,618
Well, you know
I love your brother
like a mother,
171
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,988
but when did you
ever know him to
snag such a hottie?
172
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,890
True!
And did you notice
173
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:50,096
how she connived
her way into having
dinner in our house?
174
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,865
Ma, you invited her.
175
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,700
You're right, I did.
176
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,803
Do you see how
super sneaky she is?
177
00:08:56,803 --> 00:09:01,908
Mom, don't worry.
Heather's not gonna
be around that long.
178
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:03,744
This is Josh
we're talking about.
179
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,979
There is no way
he's gonna want
to keep dating
180
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:10,083
someone Riley
has slept with,
like, a thousand times.
181
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:12,285
Not helping.
182
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,520
And yet... helping.
183
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:18,191
I'm gonna bet
that Josh is ending it
with Heather right now.
184
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,962
You know, sweetie,
you're right!
185
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:24,364
He's never
gonna want
to be with somebody
186
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,899
that Riley's
been with.
187
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:30,203
Josh doesn't
even like it when
his food touches!
188
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,277
I heard Josh come home
early last night.
189
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:38,512
He must have
broken up with her
190
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:41,748
because I heard him
playing Mr. Bojangles
on his casio
191
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,184
for, like, an hour.
192
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:48,622
Oh, I am so glad
that I have such
a smart daughter
193
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:51,057
and such
a neurotic son.
194
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,259
Is it me or was
last night a weird night?
195
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:55,395
I don't want
to over‐think it,
but it was weird, right?
196
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:58,298
It was
definitely weird.
197
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,967
Well, honey,
better times ahead.
198
00:10:00,967 --> 00:10:02,368
So Heather and I were
at the movies, right,
199
00:10:02,368 --> 00:10:07,974
and all I could think
about were her and Riley
in each others' boxers.
200
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:10,911
Let's not think
about that.
201
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,746
And then I had
an epiphany.
Oh.
202
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:17,918
She chose me‐‐
a completely
different type‐‐"dark,
203
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,253
passionate, intense..."
204
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:21,955
I'm quoting now.
205
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,190
So, wait a minute.
What are you saying?
206
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,826
You didn't
break up with her?
207
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:29,062
Are you kidding?
She's a great girl.
208
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:29,963
I want her in my life.
209
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:33,366
And she wants this
"brooding poet" in hers.
210
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,269
Quoting again.
211
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:41,875
Sorry, I was wrong.
I am only 15.
212
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:46,246
I know, honey,
but I expect more
from you.
213
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,915
(knock on door)
214
00:10:48,915 --> 00:10:52,252
Hey, it's Heather!
215
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,254
What's she doing here?
216
00:10:54,254 --> 00:10:56,289
We're picnicking.
217
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:57,090
Hi.
218
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,759
Fran, it's so nice
to see you again.
219
00:10:58,759 --> 00:10:59,459
How's Riley?
220
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:00,260
Not here.
221
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:03,229
Our picnic basket's
in the basement
222
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,465
probably
next to my javelin.
223
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:08,735
Yep. I did track
for a while.
224
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:11,772
Heather, come on,
let's sit down
here and talk,
225
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,306
just us girls.
Ok.
226
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,376
So you like
my son Josh, huh?
227
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:18,311
Oh, he's wonderful
and he's so much fun.
228
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,412
Last night at
the movies, he was‐‐
229
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,083
Yeah, brooding poet.
Yada yada.
230
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:28,722
You and Riley, God!
How did you two
meet?
231
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,356
Oh, it's a funny story.
232
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,826
So it was raining
and I got locked out
of my apartment
233
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:33,727
and he was
such a good neighbor,
234
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,729
he helped me break
into my bedroom window.
235
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:39,099
So I got him a towel
and we slept together.
236
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:43,403
Well, it sounds
like your super
237
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:47,340
really missed a golden
opportunity there.
238
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,443
You know, I guess I kind
of hurried things along
because I was a virgin.
239
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:57,117
I was eager to get it
over with, and I'm so glad
my first time was with Riley.
240
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:00,020
Oh, and he also
fixed my window.
241
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:03,356
All I said was,
"How'd you meet?"
242
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,825
Hey, Heather,
how are you?
243
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,327
If it isn't
the good neighbor.
244
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:11,197
I was just telling Fran
about how we first met.
245
00:12:17,370 --> 00:12:23,109
And what a fascinating
tale it was.
246
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,780
Josh, how long
does it take to find
a damn picnic basket?!
247
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:30,350
Hey, you two should
come out with us tonight
to this club that I know.
248
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:34,855
Oh, you know, I think
actually we're busy.
249
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:35,956
Well, it's gonna be
really good.
250
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:39,492
They play all the old
classics from the nineties.
251
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,495
I love oldies.
252
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,432
Music, babe.
253
00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,301
So, are you in?
254
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,470
Well, actually,
Heather,
255
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,305
I have a little bit
of a headache.
256
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,440
Well, then Riley
could just go with us.
257
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,010
I'll take
some aspirin.
258
00:12:57,878 --> 00:12:59,479
Picnic, milady?
259
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:03,483
Josh, guess what?
We're all double‐
dating tonight.
260
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:08,388
I was in the basement
for less than one minute.
261
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:11,457
How do you do it?
262
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,029
Heather wants you back.
263
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,063
She what?!
264
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,064
I had my suspicions,
265
00:13:18,064 --> 00:13:21,267
but when I found out
that you took her virginity,
266
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,170
well, that's all
I needed to know.
267
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:26,607
Really? She didn't
tell me that.
268
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,308
Guess it's kind of
a big deal.
269
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,911
Yes, it's
a big deal.
270
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,179
Do you remember
your first car?
271
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,616
'77 Chevy Camaro.
272
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:38,118
355 big block.
273
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,087
Well, that's how
women remember
their first time.
274
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:45,191
You were
her big block.
275
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:47,160
And now she wants
you back,
276
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,462
and that's why
she's dating Josh.
277
00:13:49,462 --> 00:13:51,031
You could be
over‐thinking this, babe.
278
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:53,634
No, I'm not.
A woman never forgets
her first time.
279
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:56,169
I married mine,
and it took 21 years
280
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,972
and the law firm of
Schwartz, Schwartz,
and Cohen
281
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,374
to forget him!
282
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,009
And he was a jackass!
283
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:06,913
Francine, don't you
think I'd know if
she wanted me back?
284
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,182
No, no, no, no, no.
285
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,251
Ok. If she wanted me
back so bad,
286
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:14,187
why did she invite
both of us to go out
with her and Josh?
287
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:17,223
Because she wants you
to see her at a club,
288
00:14:17,223 --> 00:14:19,225
all dancing
and glistening.
289
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:24,631
Remember in the beginning
when I would come in
from jogging,
290
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,600
all glistening just so?
291
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:27,500
That was fake?
292
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:32,038
Who jogs in leather pants
and a tube top?!
293
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:40,446
(music playing)
294
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,447
Ahh!
295
00:14:41,447 --> 00:14:42,415
How great is this?
296
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:44,284
I'll bet you
there's no one else
in this bar
297
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,252
whose girlfriend,
mother, lover,
and ex
298
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:49,022
are having
this much fun.
299
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:51,692
I'm not having
that much fun.
300
00:14:51,692 --> 00:14:53,960
Just wait until she
gets a few drinks in her.
301
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,429
Then you'll see
how right I am.
302
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,231
Whoo! I better
slow down.
303
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,300
I get a little goofy
when I drink too much.
304
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,203
Ok, Josh, come on.
Let's go to the restroom.
305
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,372
Why?
Because we both
have to make.
306
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,408
You two can reminisce
about the good old days.
307
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,510
Fran, don't do this.
308
00:15:09,510 --> 00:15:14,147
What? I'm just going
to the ladies' room
with my son.
309
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:18,318
Mom, I don't
have to make.
310
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,187
Neither do I.
I just wanted
to leave them alone
311
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,723
so that Heather
could hit on Riley.
312
00:15:22,723 --> 00:15:26,426
Uh... I'm not sure
how to take that.
313
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,462
Sweetie, it pains me
to tell you this,
314
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:33,266
but Heather is just
using you to get
back with Riley,
315
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:36,436
and I have to prove
it to him because he
doesn't realize
316
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,138
just how devious
a woman can be.
317
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:42,442
Now can you see why
I have to screen
all of your dates?
318
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:47,347
No. Now I see why
people don't double‐date
with their mothers.
319
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,382
Wait. Hold it! Ohh.
320
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:52,252
Another stupid man.
321
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:56,322
Heather, would you like
to bust a move?
322
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,424
Well, I would love
to bust a move.
323
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,627
So? So, what happened?
324
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,028
Absolutely nothing.
325
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,030
I told you, Heather and I
were no big deal.
326
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,100
Can we just dance and
forget all this nonsense?
327
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,402
I was wrong?
I'm never wrong.
328
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:12,072
I know women.
I am a woman.
329
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:16,009
(music playing)
330
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:19,379
♪♪♪
331
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,120
Dip me!
332
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,689
It's not that kind
of song, babe.
333
00:16:28,689 --> 00:16:30,356
Dip me, dip me!
334
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,228
Did you see that tattoo?
335
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:35,962
What tattoo?
336
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,064
"Riley."
Yeah,
I'm listening.
337
00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:43,336
No. Her tattoo
said "Riley."
Come on.
338
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:47,207
♪♪♪
339
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,461
So no big deal, huh?
340
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:12,599
That woman burned
your name in her flesh!
341
00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:14,735
She wants her Riley
back!
342
00:17:14,735 --> 00:17:19,540
Hey, guys, did you
see my robot?
343
00:17:19,540 --> 00:17:20,741
Yeah, we saw
a lot of things.
344
00:17:20,741 --> 00:17:25,679
Heather, would you
do me a favor and
lift up your shirt?
345
00:17:25,679 --> 00:17:28,815
Ma!
No, it's cool.
346
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,822
The back, sweetie.
347
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:41,595
I'm sorry. Apparently
my mother has had
one too many‐‐
348
00:17:41,595 --> 00:17:42,563
why is that there?
349
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,799
Oh, 'cause
I didn't have room
on my shoulder.
350
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:50,704
Look, there's Bill
and Al and Joe,
351
00:17:50,704 --> 00:17:54,174
and Carl and Jorge
and Bart.
352
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:57,611
See, a few years ago
I decided to do
a living scrapbook
353
00:17:57,611 --> 00:17:58,612
of some of the guys
that I've known.
354
00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:00,747
You couldn't have
just collected matchbooks
355
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,684
from the restaurants
they took you to?
356
00:18:03,684 --> 00:18:06,853
I know some
people find it
kind of weird.
357
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,822
They do?
358
00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:14,595
Well, I'm saving
a spot on my ankle
for you, Josh.
359
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:15,729
Oh, that's nice.
360
00:18:15,729 --> 00:18:19,365
Oh, look, a bar.
They'll have alcohol.
361
00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,568
I'm thinking he's
one of the people
362
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:22,636
that finds it
kind of strange.
363
00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:27,173
Heather, I want you
to look me
straight in the eye
364
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:30,877
and you tell me
that you don't
want Riley back.
365
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,814
No way! Do I look
like a one‐guy girl?
366
00:18:33,814 --> 00:18:37,250
Eh, well, no,
not really.
367
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,320
Right.
I'm a free spirit.
368
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,824
Oh. (laughs nervously)
369
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:46,259
You know,
I'm very flattered,
370
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:53,199
but I promised Josh
that I wouldn't stick
my nose into his business.
371
00:18:58,639 --> 00:18:59,673
(sighs)
372
00:18:59,673 --> 00:19:03,409
Wow. This certainly
is an odd evening,
isn't it?
373
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:07,213
Gee, I think
that we should order
some pepper poppers.
374
00:19:07,213 --> 00:19:11,752
I hear they're
deliciously cheesy.
375
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:13,153
What?
376
00:19:13,153 --> 00:19:17,624
I think somebody should
admit she was wrong.
377
00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:20,794
Ok, ok. I was...
What you said.
378
00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:21,628
Wrong.
379
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,931
Fine. I was wrong
and you were right.
380
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,467
And I happen to
be seasoned enough
381
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,636
to be
able to admit it.
382
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:32,238
I can also
make it up to you.
383
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,106
What do you think
384
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:36,510
about me
putting Riley
on my backside?
385
00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:38,979
Honey, you don't
have to get a tattoo.
386
00:19:38,979 --> 00:19:43,283
Who said anything
about a tattoo?
387
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:47,420
Don't worry, Josh.
388
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,455
There are plenty
of other fish in the sea.
389
00:19:49,455 --> 00:19:50,924
Yes.
390
00:19:50,924 --> 00:19:55,529
Hi. Would you
like to dance?
391
00:19:55,529 --> 00:19:58,331
Me? Sure.
392
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:02,769
Brenda, dental
technician, 25,
393
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:07,340
and she also lives
with her mother.
394
00:20:12,813 --> 00:20:14,548
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