Original subtitles

What a pleasant night! - Yes, it is.

Windless and so warm. - Yes.

What's your name? - Jonas.

Jonas? Such a nice name.

How old are you? - 20.

I'm turning 25. In a month.

What is it?

It's a cuckoo. - Where?

I don't see it.

Where? Where is it?

Oh, mein Gott!

I am Cardinal Gutiérrez. - Commissioner Lo Gatto.

Commissioner, I ask for utmost, very utmost, discretion.

Utmost, Eminence.

The last murder commited in Vatican dates back to 1913.

It happened during the pontificate of Pope Benedict.

A young handsome Swiss guard was found dead

outside the door of The Sistine Chapel.

But the culprit was found! A young French painter.

He said he had had a raptus

after having seen the powerful muscular nudes

on Michelangelo's frescoes.

It was discovered later that the two were actually lovers.

A crime of passion, just like last night!

I'm more than sure that it was a crime of passion!

Here we are.

You know my hands are sweating and my legs are shaking? - No.

He won't surely eat you! His Holiness is waiting for you.

Go!

God, how white he is!

Vatican Police Commissioner Natale Lo Gatto, practising Catholic.

Satan's hand has penetrated into our house with barbaric ferocity.

We confide, with God's help,

to bring the culprit into the hands of earthly justice.

We'll surely succeed, Your Holiness.

Because I have no regard for anyone.

Good, my son. Go, and investigate.

Go. Go!

Yes, I'm going, but first I want to ask you something.

Where was Your Holiness the night of the crime?

Am I wrong, son, or you want to know if His Holiness has an alibi?

Well, y...

Yes.

Am I wrong, son, or you want to know if His Holiness has an alibi?

See that? Favignana is.

How many inhabitants? - 2.352.

2.354 from today.

You'd better sit here.

Sorry!

That's Favignana, our exile.

The rock where I've been confined to.

Like Napoleon!

Yet... What's your name?

Gridelli Gino.

Dear Gridelli Gino

one day you'll be proud to say: "I was in Favignana

under Commissioner Lo Gatto's orders."

Help!

What the fuck have you come to do in Favignana?

Listen, you'e the porter? Will you help us with the luggage or...?

I'm not a porter anymore. I'll call my son.

Tonino!

Come here, quick! Quick! - I'm coming! - Run!

No, better not. You'll take the bags. Gridelli, let's hurry up.

Leg it! - You lost them! - Who gives a fuck?

I've been sent to Africa.

I can smell fish! - You expected smell of lamb?

This bag is so heavy. What's in it?

My anger!

Where is Piazza del Duomo? - Downder!

What did he say? - "Downder", dunno.

What the fuck you doing? Idiot! You see you're ripping my net?

I work with this! - Take it easy.

Look at him.

They come from the mainland to break our balls while we work all year long!

Will he ever stop?

Who's this guy?

I've found the police station. It's here.

Favignana's Police Station.

"Tha keys aire at the barbera's."

The keys are at the barber's.

It's humid here, African climate. Humid heat.

But consider that this police station of Favignana has been closed for 3 years.

So mould, stuffy smell and rats.

And sewers jamming. - Good nose, Commissioner.

This is the wardrobe-bed. Foam rubber mattress.

The phone is cut off. And this is the high-security room.

Ok, I got it all. I expected worse.

A nice whitening, and my officer can well sleep here.

Me? - You.

What about me? Is there an hotel suitable to my rank?

I advise you the Triton Hotel of Patanè Sisters.

Calm place, delicate cuisine and negotiable price.

An alternative? - Nil. The only hotel here.

Then I choose that one. - But careful! The Patanè sisters bite!

In what sense?

Triton. It's here.

You can sleep here for tonight.

Here are the keys. Rooms 2 and 3.

Bring up the bags. - This way. - Thanks.

My name Annunziata is. - Natale Lo Gatto.

This is the "salle à monger". - Lovely, very cosy, really.

Addolorata! - Here I am!

Welcome. - Pleased to meet you.

Immacolata! - I'm coming. - This is the youngest one.

Very honoured. - Very pleased.

Here we are. - Here you will find a very homely treatment.

In the sense that we'll deal with you as next of kin. - Yes.

Lacking family, we will attend you plenty.

Well...

You see that one?

Don Giacomo, our parson.

42-years-old, from Udine. Big pourer of Marsala,

as well as a lousy card player.

Whereas I, modestly,

am the end of the world!

I always sweep the gaming table. You know what they call me?

The Maradona of spades!

Calì Salvatore, pharmacist, AKA "half suppository", due to his height.

But don't let him cure you, or you'll live short!

Oh, Baron Fricò. We kiss your hands, Baron!

Rich landowner, as well as inveterate erotomaniac!

Look, let's agree:

speak on one side or the other. My head's spinning! - This side OK? - OK.

But here come your hotelkeepers. - Immacolata.

Immacolata!

The father was a tuna fisher. The mother died giving birth to the youngest sister.

Immacolata! - Who's said to be Baron Fricò's natural daughter.

The eldest... - Annunziata?

They say she's a virgin, but it's not true!

How do you know? - Modestly... - What about the middle one?

Addolorata? Oh, about her, they say a lot!

Tell me one! - Excuse me, but I don't do gossiping.

In those months of forced idleness, I don't know how many times we went

around the island by bicycle. He talked nonstop.

He told me of his life,

of difficult cases he had solved with his acumen and his intelligence.

He would say...

Dear Gridelli, I feel that sooner or later something will happen

that will get me on the front pages. I've got a 6th sense.

Do you like it? - Nice.

A bit non-regulation, maybe... Anyway, thanks.

For one, yesterday we won 3.000 lire.

Naples, you play...

An earthquake, or what?

To cover your back, play the jack!

Point! - Heard that?

But didn't you say that he was a duffer?

What did he say? - That, at cards, you're a fart.

But he's been regularly losing for ten years, this Neapolitan sucker.

OK, keep playing, Commissioner. - Wait.

Three. - And I sweep the board.

Two sweeps. It's pointless to go on. Game and match!

It's no match, against luck! - Coffee. - Great!

The blue cup is for the Commissioner: coffee specially sprayed with anisette.

It's Christmas time.

Reminds me of the 1965 Christmas, in Paris.

I won a French language contest among 3.000 contestants.

I studied in daytime, but at night... Eh, at night...!

At night? - I gave myself! Whole.

I didn't skip anything: Folies Bergeres, striptease...

One night an Italian friend introduced me to Babette.

What a woman! The funny thing was, when he introduced her, she said "Bon Noel".

Why "Bon Noel"? - Well, your name is Natale, no? It is Christmas, no?

If you were Dante...

Those French things that...

A passionate love. But later I got back to Italy and so...

A 3 weeks long passion.

Sadly faded away, that I'll nourish till my last day.

Did you hear the rhyme? Away and day!

What a poet!

Well...

Ah, Babette! I'll show you her photo.

Here.

But this is Juventus soccer team! - Sorry. Here.

Beautiful! Congratulations!

And you too! Nice hairdo. Banana-style?

Let's go, it's almost midnight. I have to say Mass. - Yes, let's go.

Goodnight. - Goodnight. - Merry Christmas.

Thank you.

Oh, for that laxative, stop by at the pharmacy tomorrow.

Don Giacomo, we'll be a bit late, we still have to get changed.

Take your time.

At Favignana, they say that their Carnival is better than that of Rio.

I can't tell, because I've never been in Rio. However,

it pulled on me a great gloom!

And then, luck would have it, they played my song, mine and Babette's.

So funny! To die laughing!

Gridelli, she has her eye on you. Invite her to dance!

Go, go! - Go, what're you waiting? - You are young, what the heck!

How is dressed the young Patanè, as bayadere?

Commissioner, I see you down. What's wrong?

May I? - Go!

So excited, I am! Hold me, or I'll fall down!

Commissioner, Annunziata.

Look with what eyes she looks at you! Turn around!

Let's dance.

Let's dance!

Look, look! Look, commissioner, look, look!

Armando, please mind your hands!

Baron Fricò! - In good company!

I'll give you all a champagne shower!

Let's go, little sluts!

Goodnight. - Commissioner.

What? - Your coat! What's with him?

I wasn't angry with the barber, with the pharmacist, or with the sisters Patanè.

I was angry with my unlucky rotten fate!

Yes, maybe it was better if I'd been a postal clerk, as mama wanted.

Ever more puzzling the mistery of the woman cut into pieces.

The police still groping in the dark... few miles from here.

Only here nothing happens, holy cow!

Sole event: the theft of a chicken.

But it was a stinking pullet. You know... - Excuse me.

Happy Easter, Gino.

Happy Easter, Immacolata. - Thanks.

Immacolata! - Sorry.

I can't really stand that woman...

Happy Easter, Commissioner. - Same to you, Baron.

What nicety is in that little egg? An elephant?

Commissioner,

a naked woman!

What do you think about our island life?

It takes philosophy.

I too sometimes tell myself that if I were born, don't know,

in Paris instead of Favignana, I would have savored other pleasures.

Don't mention Paris.

Do you know that in the distant 1965...

It's the deep south!

Dear Commissioner, it's the deep south. Quiet life, but balls-mincing!

My own words!

Well, good thing that sooner or later summer always comes.

See you, Commissioner.

Call on me. I kiss your hands.

I kiss yours too. - Thanks for the aperitif.

But next time, it's on me!

I send greetings to my little sister Elide.

You'd put a signature, Commissioner?

No, huh?

Welcome to Favignana!

The island of love!

Welcome to the island of eternal youth!

Long live the females! Long live the pussy!

Summer broke out.

I was given a second officer

but 100 would've been needed to take care of the tourists

and their ridiculous complaints.

Do I need a special licence? A stamped paper?

No tuna fishing here anymore. You'd better buy it canned.

An 18 million boat damaged. - 25! Lodge a complaint!

My husband and I wanted to go... - Better if you don't.

My dental has been stolen. What shall I do?

Sleep with your mouth shut.

Commissioner! - Gentlemen, please.

Why are you all shouting together? I'm only one person.

I'm a civil person who doesn't like shouting nor swearing.

Go there, please! - Please...

Commissioner. - Fuck!

Who is it? - The Bishop of Trapani.

Commissioner Lo Gatto speaking, Eminence.

No, it wasn't me, It was a tourist. Er... I know.

Every morning, I devoted myself to my solitary vice:

a coffee slush with cream at the port's bar.

Everything there? - Yes.

This is supposed to be a taxi? - Cyclo-taxi! - Look, I won't pedal!

OK, I will.

It's here, Commissioner!

What does this thing represent?

It's the patrol car we've solicited with several phonograms.

It's flooded, won't start.

Flooded, huh?

You call this shit a patrol car?

My little sweetie!

Oh, my Gino! Crazed, I am! I don't recognize myself.

You have unsettled me, whole, whole.

Ouch!

Kiss me. Holy Virgin! What you make me do?

My head, heart, everything you stole me!

To get here I got lost 2 or 3 times. Even my ears are sweating.

But it was worth it! Alone, away from prying eyes...

What did you tell the Chief, to meet me?

Nothing, he's got 1.000 eyes, sees everywhere, worse than a laser.

Will he tell?

No, he's a gentleman. But how did you sneak away?

Since I met you, a liar I became. Terrible lies I said...

Yes, but I can't understand if you don't speak slower.

Sinner I am!

Whore! Shameless woman! - C'mon, for a small kiss...

But, not me! Her!

Go and arrest her!

Why? There are no sufficient grounds.

How, no grounds!

Scandal in a public place, the ass showoff!

Get her arrested! - Come on!

Policeman are you or not? So run! Duty calls you!

And when you talk to her, close your eyes!

Officer Gridelli, Favignana's Vice Squad.

I'm supposed to fine you. - Italian?

Why, doesn't it show?

Asshole! And son of a bitch!

Commissioner, your coffee.

I put 2 spoonful of sugar but havent't stirred it.

That's good, thanks. - I'll leave the saucer, it's hot.

You know you've lost weight? - Have I?

Excuse me, I need your signature here.

Even on Sunday you break the balls, Gridelli?

Another one here.

Commissioner? - What?

I'd like to spend the night out.

Some wheeling and dealing? Who? - Deutschland.

Watch out, these are jealous folks! They're Sicilians, with a quick knife!

I'll take precautions.

How can women like you? - May be the uniform.

Instead, in plainclothes... Once, in Cesena, walking out of the bar... - Hey!

What do I care about the story of your life! It's Sunday, go!

Commissioner, would you like a dash of Marsala? - Thanks.

lmmacolata!

You look great in those shorts.

Yes, I've been told that. Cheers.

I know...

true Italian has curly-hair, moustache,

be hairy like orang.

You, no Italian.

Look, if you want to know my data, I list them right away.

Gridelli Gino, born in Borello, Forli Province, Italy.

All my German girlfriends come to Italy, much amused.

Ulla raped in Ladispolo, Karin raped in Ponzo,

Ingrid raped in Assiso, near church, with nice view.

They much screwed!

Brigitta, I even granted you an encore,

by popular demand.

And you not capable of doing it 3, 4, 5...8, 9...

This is science fiction.

But why? You queer?

Shove it up your ass!

Yes, swearword, me excite! - You want a swearword?

Go in a brothel.

8, 9...

You think I'm Rambo?

Keep it down! Christ, enough! Unbelievable!

They've been killing me with this music for 2 hours. Officer, enough please!

Tell them to stop! Disgraceful! We have the right to sleep!

Police, open up!

Blood!

Wretch! At this hour you came back?

Of age, and for independence, I am!

Shameless! Retire to your room immediately!

Hello? Triton Hotel.

Yes, hold on.

What could it be?

Commissioner, phone call for you! - Who is it at this hour?

Officer Gridelli!

Commissioner, we're on it! Likely a homicidal case.

Object: woman!

I won't go into your privacy, but, at 3:00am, what the fuck you doing here?

A rendezvous with the German gal. - How did it go?

I'm a gentleman. - OK.

It seems they dragged a body here. There are bloodstains.

I see, I see.

Commissioner!

It's still warm.

What're you doing here? - Why, one can't sleep?

One couldn't! - Says who! - Boor! - Asshole!

And this scarf?

I didn't touch it to not taint the proofs.

Good. Bloodstains here too. - Yes.

Dear Gridelli, this time I have the feeling that...we're on it.

Signs of struggle, bloodstains everywhere.

The murder weapon!

Get the fingerprints detected. - By whom? - By whom it may concern!

Two lipstick-stained glasses. - Two women have drunk.

Or one woman who drank from 2 glasses. - I hadn't thought of it. Shrewd!

A cigar. What's got to do with this? This cigar intrigues me. - Commissioner.

Commissioner... - A man, or a woman smoking a cigar...

May I hazard a theory? - Go ahead.

At a guess, it seems yours.

Well done. I wanted to see if you were attentive.

So, this is the landlady, right? The red-haired.

Yes, the one who drove mad the whole island.

This?

A jewel box. Empty. - Robbery.

Could be a motive. Why not?

Cassette player. There's nothing written here.

How does it work? - I'll see about it.

Scared...

I'm scared. The phone rang 3 times tonight.

No-one answered. They want to kill me!

Who might want to kill you?

You know, many people! - The engineer? - His wife too.

And Mario. He wants my money.

And that one who demands to make love with me. He threatened me!

Then that whore Barbara! - Why don't you leave? - To where?

To Acapulco? Remember what happened there?

Those would track me down anywhere!

What're you doing with that violin? - I've put everything in it.

Keep it in mind if something happens to me. Remember!

Hello?

Hello? They hung up! I'm scared!

Keep this. What do you reckon?

It's like the plot of Capitol. I didn't understand a damn.

Remember that at times he who doesn't understand is closer to the truth,

since he has no barriers. - Nice!

I'll mark it if you repeat it.

I declare open the inquiry for the murder of what's-her-name.

My first murder case. I have goose pimples.

Now it's up to the coroner. Come. Careful for bloodstains.

The big day, even though it was night, had come.

I finally saw Lo Gatto at work. There was a lot to learn from him. And how!

So? - So, no doubt.

I can confirm that what was believed to be blood, is blood indeed!

It's the blood type that is indentifiable.

In what sense? - In the sense that, the here pharmacist is little experienced.

Pardon me but, if we were before, say, a bronchitis,

or sun-rash, I would know how to advice you, big way!

But the blood... It's a difficult matter to me.

Why don't you send a blood sample to the Forensic Unit in Trapani?

Nice one, so they'll bag all credit!

I know Trapani's Forensic Unit well!

That's all I can do.

What did Trapani's Forensic Unit do to him?

Thanks goodness we've arrived.

Excuse me! Little sisters, mind your heads!

Looks like we're in Africa. Watch out for the lions!

It's so hot! - So hot!

Move aside or he's going to knock you in the head!

Excuse me! Mind your heads!

Dead! - Who did it?

Madam, I can't tell. - Poisoned? You sure?

Gridelli, take the photos and then seal.

Presently, I lack both seals and camera. - Of course.

Did you take the fingerprints, at least? - Yessir. Which fingerprints?

Sleep tight, Grindelli!

He's inexperienced. It's his first murder case...

Manager, this lady... - Wilma Cerulli. - Wilma Cerulli.

She often slept out? - How would I know! I can't check all of my clients.

Then, with all these cops, you're terrorizing my club.

Let's be more practical!

Let's not say crap! I'm doing inquiries for a murder, not for a trifle!

And if it's necessary, I will...

Where was I? - If necessary...

If necessary I will turn this resort upside down!

You want to hinder my inquiry?

Instead, if we collaborate, we'll help each other. - OK.

What was that Miss Wilma like? - Hot body, legs...

Yes, but some detail, something more.

She was crazy about Oltrepo white wine. - It might be a clue.

She liked Oltrepo. So, dry? - White dry, yes.

White dry.

Did she know someone here?

She came from Rome with a certain architect

Arcuni. - I'll be waiting at the bar. - OK.

Archi-tit Arcuni...

Commissioner, I heard about this Wilma Cerulli

who would have disappeared, even killed.

Come on, it's absurd!

Sparkling water and Sicilian Marsala quenches and oxygenates the grey cells.

So, you came to Favignana with Miss Wilma.

No, I had come on my own. - Are you sure? - Yes.

Miss Wilma and I had met on the ferry.

Really? - Yes.

Strange! You know why? I have a phonogram here

that says that you and her had booked in the same agency on the same day.

You paid the advance with a cheque. So?

Hot, isn't it? Yes, I know, it's hot here.

I'd propose to continue our conversation in the cool.

In a Trapani's prison suite. - A moment. Let me think over.

OK, I'll let you think. Are you thinking?

It's true, Wilma and I knew each other.

You should know that here, I have a relationship with a married person.

So...

So Wilma served as a cover-up. Oh, smartass of an architect!

There, yes.

Last night, when the fact happened, I was boating with that person.

Now, you just need to tell me the name...

No. Please, I can't. - You can't, huh? I bet your hands are tied. - Obvious.

I knew it. I will tie them completely, so we won't lose time.

Let's go.

The key is here... Help me get the key.

In the pocket.

Do not tickle me!

The key!

Did you take it? - Here it is. - The name.

The name!

What? - Bellugi.

Bellugi. - Bellugi!

I'm architect Arcuni's lover?

But, are you joking?

Madam, I'm not joking. It's a murder.

I just want to know if you are Arcuni's lover or not! - No way!

And you want to know why?

Because Arcuni is my husband's lover!

Oh, yes.

In short, you husband is gay. - For that matter,

my husband is impotent, voyeur, and even a bit fag.

And nothing else? - Dunno!

Anyway, Arcuni said that, at the time of the crime,

was boating with your husband. You confirm this? - Yes, at night

they often go fishing together. They have that hobby. - I see.

Commissioner, you know you have beautiful eyes? Are they green?

Yes...well, green...They become green depending on the amount of sunlight...

Because... I've got my father's size, okay?

Instead, my mother who was Greek, Greek not geek, from Patras, tall,

beautiful, a woman...

But why we get lost in chatter? Where is you husband? I must speak to him!

You'll find him on the rocks. He went for mussels. - Thanks.

Goodbye.

Excuse me, engineer Bellugi?

Are you engineer Bellugi? - Sorry?

Bellugi? - I'm here! What is it?

I'm Commissioner Lo Gatto, homicide squad.

Yes, at 00:30 I went boating, but not with Arcuni, with Mario.

Mario? - Yes, Mario.

And Mario! He wants my money.

Who is this Mario now? - He's the lifeguard.

That handsome young man, big muscles? - I don't know him.

Mind you, a gorgeous body! - I'm not interested! Go on.

The one who, at night, works as a DJ at the disco.

Profession: animator. - Now, I can't understand anything.

If you were on the boat with Mario, you weren't with Arcuni.

Simple, isn't? - Arcuni lied to me.

That's flat.

Where can I find Mario? - At the swimming pool.

Thanks, doctor. - I'm an engineer!

Engineer?

Who might want to kill you? The engineer?

Even his wife.

Why are you laughing? - I laugh.

I'm laughing, so what?

You must remain on hand, don't move from here! Inform your wife too!

"Why are you laughing?" he asks.

Come on, lift up that bum! Higher! That's right.

Are you Mario the lifeguard? - Yes.

I'm Lo Gatto, I have to ask you few questions.

Now go ahead by yourself. I'll be right back. - Come on!

Tell me. - Last night you were boating with Mr. Bellugi? - Yes.

At what time, roughly? - 00:30.

Did you stay for long in the boat? - No. About 20 mins.

So shortly? - I had better things to do.

And then? - I swam ashore. I had a date at 1.00.

Another one? - Yes. - With whom?

With a lady... Her name is Barbara...

And there's also that whore Barbara!

Who is this Barbara? - Mrs Bellugi's girlfriend.

In what sense? - They're together.

Why, Mrs Bellugi is...? - Oh, yes.

But, if Mrs. Bellugi and Barbara...

what's with you and Barbara?

Me and Barbara, we screw! - So, last night, you and Barbara...

Yes, but before dinner. Around 1am I went to apologise to her.

We had a quarrel at the disco. See the scratch?

Why did she scratch you? - She got quite pissed off

because I was dancing with Wilma. - W. Cerulli?

Yes, she, while dancing, practically makes love.

Wait. Did you just dance with Wilma or...?

Screwed! - Screwed! It's really nonstop.

She fucks with anyone, randy, men and women!

Even! So with Mrs Bellugi too. - And how!

How do you know? - I was there.

You're always in the middle? - Well,

with this body, this face I don't know if you understand.

I understand perfectly. Indeed, congratulations! Lucky you.

What muscles you have!

Yours aren't bad, either.

Hey!

I'll smash your gums! Don't you dare!

What did I do to you?

Idiot! Be on hand cause we still have to talk!

Maybe! - Queer!

"Echo of Trapani". You and I, we have to talk. - Alright.

I do have an alibi,

but there's a Commissioner asking a lot of questions! A tough guy!

You got me into a mess! I don't know if we'll come off it.

Yes, ok, alright.

You hurt me! - I'm glad.

Now listen here, Arcuni.

When someone fucks me around, I turn into a beast.

My right hand's cartilage stiffens

and I can do anything! It becomes a steel-blade!

I'll hit you and smash your vertebral carotid!

I swear to Our Lady of Incoronata

that I'll make you end up in a wheelchair!

And now listen carefully, you shi...

Did you hurt yourself? - No!

Now I'll kill you. - No! - Yes, I must kill you! - Please!

Speak! If I've decided to kill you, I'll kill you!

Speak. Speak!

If you speak softly, I'll understand. Speak slowly. Calm down.

I spent an hour under Manuela's windows.

And who's Manuela? - A very young girl.

I watch her touching her breasts, thighs...

I go crazy! - No, I go crazy. Aren't you a fag?

Not full-time, I take some diversion.

And you know what she does when I watch her? - What?

Who is this girl? - Bellugi's daughter.

Bellugi? Is the Addams Family this? Where can I find her?

At the beach.

Be on hand!

I'll kill you.

Every night he puts himself before my window and stays there.

I don't know what for, but I don't care.

I know he's poof. - Was he there last night too?

Yes, last night too. - At what time? - Around 1.00.

But, I don't understand. Couldn't you close the window?

There's no air-conditioning. It's boiling inside.

Well, sleep. You don't sleep? - My brain is always working

and a lot of trifles come to my mind.

And when those trifles come, I... - Enough, please...

Why don't you help me? Soap my back.

C'mon! What are you waiting for? Are you scared? - No, it's just...

Rub harder with that damn hand!

Eh, damn hand... - That's right.

How old are you?

Almost 14.

Almost 14?!

And you're not ashamed of doing these things?

Why should I? What I've told you it's not true.

The truth is that the other night I got bored, so around 1.30 I left my room

and I went out to kill Wilma. - You? - Yes. I didn't like her.

Whenever you don't like someone, you kill them?

Get off the tree, dumbo! I didn't kill her

but I could.

Sex and violence intrigue me a lot

and if you torture me, I might spit the whole true.

Good Heavens. But why?

Who is that?

What an dumbo!

What does this damn guy want?

Gridelli, sleeping, eh?

Have you put the seals? - You have to pull, not push.

Where is he? - He went that way!

Stop or I'll shoot!

Gridelli, the hat! - Right away! - Turn around!

Hands on your head!

What were you doing inside?

Snooping around. It's part of my job. May I?

Ragusa Vito, Echo of Trapani. Journalist.

You have surely heard of me. - Honestly, never.

I know many things about you, Lo Gatto.

Weren't you Vatican Commissioner? - So?

So what?

Years earlier, hadn't you arrested the entire City Council of Salerno

for pilchard trafficking, then they were acquitted

and you were transferred where... - Where you getting at?

To the bar. We speak better before a glass of cold beer, no?

Why don't we collaborate? - Let's collaborate.

I can be of use to you.

There are things they tell to a journalist and not to a policeman.

Many people like seeing their name in the paper.

In the paper, but not in The Echo of Trapani, dear...

Well, I'm also correspondent for Corriere.

Milan's Corriere della Sera?

No, Catania's. Still a great newspaper.

Don't forget Commissioner that, if I want, I can destroy you.

Or I can make a great man of you.

I know many things that you don't know.

What, for example?

Give time to time.

I'll tell you, provided you let me snoop around. - Snoop around!

A question.

Did you make sure that none of the suspects has left the island?

Of course! You want to teach me how to do my job?

Absolutely not, I would never dare to!

Do you know who intrigues me? - What?

Who?

That Barbara Barletti. Intrigues me a lot.

I think she knows a lot. Have you already heard her?

Have I heard her?

Who? Ah, Barletti? I've questioned her for 2 hours!

I'm going to phone my paper.

Will you speak well of me?

You'll read. I'll do a good job.

You are a tough guy, huh? - Well!

I'll make a great man of you. - Cheers!

Ah, Gridelli.

Did you check that no one left the island?

You didn't tell me to!

Do I need to tell you everything? Fuck!

Take some initiative too! - Yes, sir.

Where you going, wait! I haven't finished yet!

Call the Port authority.

No one must leave without my permission. Ok?

Yes, sir! - Again! Always saluting like a puppet!

Let me finish!

Then you have to find Barbara Barletti. I want to question her.

Who is she? - I know who. One who intrigues me a lot.

After visiting the islands of Levanzo and Marettimo

a frozen-fish based soup will be served for breakfast.

As I was saying, in these waters, in 241 BC,

during the Second Punic World War, the Romans...

Good morning.

Commissioner Lo Gatto, pleased.

Barbara Barletti. Ouch! - It was lighted, sorry.

You are from Milan? - Yes. I work and live there. I'm in the PR.

Red Brigades? - No, Public Relations.

I travel a lot. I'm an independent woman.

You are Mrs Bellugi's friend? - Yes, for some years.

If you want to know, we're very close friends. - Yes, I've been told that.

Are you married? - Me?

Husbands are a race I detest!

But, I mean, you like men, males, don't you?

Yes, but only if young and handsome.

Like Mario, the hunk, the lifeguard . Just to not name names, huh?

I see you're informed. - Well, curiosity is my job.

You said you travelled a lot. - Yes.

Ever been in Paris? - Many times.

Were you in Paris in 1965?

I was 6 in 1965. - Why? A 6 years old can't be in Paris?

Why are you asking me that? - To know if you ever saw this lady.

I'm the one on the right.

I don't go with such ridiculous people.

What does it mean? You're tactless, Miss!

Anyway, the night of the crime you were at the club, at the resort?

They were all there.

Bellugi, with that bore husband of hers, and their unpleasant daughter.

Madam, may I dance with your daughter?

You need to ask my mother, dumbo?

There was the friend of the red woman, who then left with Bellugi.

Oh, yes.

Bellugi, the engineer a bit sissy...

So you say that Bellugi went fishing with the little architect, a sissy him too.

You saw them leaving together?

Yes, why? - I was told that Bellugi was boating with the lifeguard.

And you believed it? - No.

Impossible, because Mario was dancing with me.

DJ was the lawyer from Turin, so I was petting that hunk at leisure.

Petting? - Yeah!

And the red-haired petted the dentist. - You make my blood boil!

He'd really gone off his head. And she was playing cat and mouse with him.

But suddenly, Wilma dumps the dentist,

comes to me and says:

Do you mind if I steal him? - Yes. This is the ladies' night.

Come back Thursday, on your day off.

Barbara, stop it! - Never mind, she might go into hysterics.

Hey, have you gone insane?

What are you doing, you scratch me?

You think that Wilma got upset? - Don't know. Did she? - No.

She burst out laughing. I would have killed her.

However, it wasn't me who killed her.

And then what happened? - I don't know.

I went to sleep in my room.

Ask Mrs Bellugi. She remained there.

After that melodramatic scene with Barbara, Mario...- The lifeguard. - Yes,

stuck to the red lady.

Wilma. - Exactly.

And after a while, I see that they stop dancing and head to the beach.

They must have had a row, Wilma had such a face!

And when he tried to hug her she gave him a smack!

Meanwhile comes to my table the dentist, that Pedretti, totally pissed off!

Why don't you dance with Manuela?

My daughter. At night she's always in our way.

Yes, I met her. A very precocious girl. - A pest!

Meanwhile, I see Mario coming back from the beach, angry red.

But Wilma doesn't return. So I get up and go looking for her.

Commissioner, may I tell you something? - Yes. - I felt sorry for her.

What's wrong? What happens?

It happens that all want just one thing from me.

And you cry for that?

I know lots of women who would like to be in your place, you know?

My life sucks.

No one understands me, no one tries to understand who I am.

Come on, go to your room.

Then, later, I come to keep you a bit of company huh?

Yes... I don't know.

Now leave me alone.

See you soon...

When I went to her it was about 1:30, but she wasn't there.

There was Barbara.

What are you doing here? - I came to get a painkiller.

I had a terrible headache.

I knew Barbara as a big liar, and I knew her soft spot for Wilma.

Were you jealous? - Yes, I admit it. I was a bit.

Anyway, hers, seemed downright an excuse.

What? A little earlier she wanted to kill her

and now she was there, for a painkiller?

Dear Madam, it's me who needs a painkiller now.

I can't understand anything. I'm losing all trace.

Arcuni, the dentist, the one from Bologna...Who the hell killed Wilma?

You asking me? Not me, for sure!

Commissioner.

May I have a word with you? - Tell me.

One-to-one would be better.

Excuse me, Madam. - Away from prying ears.

Please, be careful with that whatsit. - Sorry.

So, Ragusa, what's up? - The editor wavers. - What does he want?

Who? - Editor Havers, what does he want from me?

No, wavers, he wastes time, hesitates.

He's an old-fashioned man: no guarantee, no article.

He wants the certainty of the corpse!

He thinks he is the editor of the NY Times? The certainty of the corpse!

Are we in England? - It's a nuisance for me too.

I'd written a great article, midway between Peyton Place and Mario Puzo.

You know "The Godfather"? - Commissioner.

Commissioner. - Yes.

Listen to this diver. - What's up?

So? - Commissioner,

while I was diving, at Saraceno Rock...

Get to the point! - On the seafloor, I saw a severed head.

A severed head! And where is it now? - On the seafloor!

What's the hair colour? - Fiery red. - Fiery red?

Want to bet it's Wilma? Thanks!

There! These are front page news! Phone your editor!

Do we take a nice photo? - It's not the right moment, this.

We'll publish it. - How should I place myself?

Facing, or profile? - Smile.

Like this? - Now in profile. - Commissioner!

Wait a minute! - Now with the hat.

Commissioner!

You don't have a pipe? - No, I smoke cigars. - Now with glasses on.

Commissioner.

Gridelli, we've found the cut-off head of Wilma.

Who's Wilma? - My cousin from Barletta! The corpse, the dead!

Hey, diver! - Indeed, go with that diver who found the head,

take some photos, then bring Arcuni for the indentification of the body.

Indeed, I came to inform you that Arcuni has been seen leaving the island

with annexed bag, evading the Police roadblock. - What roadblock?

Me, sir. - What? You let him get away?

I don't have 100 eyes. - 101 you must have!

Exactly, with that extra eye, I think I saw something.

Do you remember Wilma's photo?

It's in my pocket! So? - You see the ring on her finger?

I saw it at the hand of Mario, the lifeguard.

Mario the lifeguard...

It resembles to sergeant Calò.

You claim that Wilma gave it to you?

Yes. - When? - That night at the club.

Now, calmly, tell me all that happened that night.

We'd made love on the beach, and... - We, who? - Me and Wilma!

Yeah, if you don't fuck... - I get a headache.

Mario! Mario, come!

Trudy, I'm busy with the Commissioner at the moment. I'll be right!

Komm. Ich will Liebe machen.

What did you say? - Come. I want to make love.

Go on with the story, hurry! What then? - Then we returned to the club. I was DJ

and she danced with the dentist, who did her a sort of interrogation.

Where have you been?

At the beach. - What have you done?

Love! - With him but not with me!

You got it! With him but not with you!

Some day I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

You heard all this with your own ears? - On my word!

What's the dentist's name? - Pedretti, but they call him Bazooka.

Bazooka.

And where I can find him now? - Surely at the nudists' club.

Go! - Thanks. - Or you will get a headache.

Why didn't you tan your bum?

Gridelli! - Yes!

Why aren't you naked? - Because I'm a Commissioner.

Or you ashamed to have a tiny one? - Your dad's is no bigger! Go!

Asshole!

You're the dentist Pedretti from Bolzano? - Yes, sir.

Why do they call you Bazooka? - Nature has been very generous to me.

Hold as well...your hat on. Take a seat.

Did you know a certain Cerulli Wilma? - Very well.

Do you confirm that the day she got killed you said these words?

"Some day I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" - Do you confirm? - I confirm.

Words said in a moment of rage. Have you ever been in love?

Hey, I'm the one asking questions! - If you have, as I hope,

you know that sometimes you say things you don't mean

especially when you know that the woman you love

has given to her lover, a lifeguard!

the ring you've given to her! - Don't get pissed off!

So, you gave that ring to her. Then? - Yes. It was a ring very dear to me.

A lucky charm, holy cow! - Don't shout!

The night when it happened, where were you between 1 and 2am?

I was madly jealous, I admit it.

I was beside myself. I'd completely gone off my head.

I wandered around Wilma's hut and... - Wait, you went around that hat, right?

No, around Wilma's hut!

And I saw Mrs Bellugi and Miss Barbara going out.

When I went in, Wilma wasn't there.

But she came right after me. She burst out laughing and said...

You did well to come.

That's what drove me crazy, about her.

Her sudden mood swings. So I asked her...

Where have you been?

Nowhere.

I had to see someone.

You're jealous... I like jealous men. They excite me.

You want to make love? - You need asking?

I was aroused like a beast,

but in the thick...

In the thick?

My bazooka jammed up.

Well, it happens. When there's a lot of desire, it can happen.

It happened to you too? - To me?

Yes, once, in Paris, in 1965.

Commissioner? - What is it?

Well... - Oh yes. And then?

I went away with shame, rage. I cried, I would have killed myself!

Yes, bad moments.

Later, when you left Wilma's whatsit, did you notice anything?

No. Yes. Actually I did. A dark figure

a shadow, hiding behind a hut.

Man or woman? - Woman.

This is something new. Gridelli, did you hear?

Where did you buy this ring? - In Mexico.

During a holiday in Acapulco, I think.

Acapulco...

Remember what happened in Acapulco?

Listen, are you sure that you hadn't met this Wilma Cerulli right in Acapulco?

Pretty sure.

Alright, thank you. Enough for today. Be on hand, ja? - Jawohl.

Excuse me. - Sorry, dear...

I'm unable to...

Excuse me, ugh!

All those nudes had dazed me a bit,

but didn't stop me from admiring

how Commissioner Lo Gatto was holding the inquiry:

with tactfulness, firmness, astuteness.

My admiration for him was growing day by day.

I was beginning to understand the meaning of the word "charisma".

You are crazy! Crazy! - Yes, I was up to anything!

The dishonor of the family, you are!

It's not true! Hot female, I am! Not like you!

Whore you are! Take! - It's not true, innocent I am!

Hey, keep calm! What's going on here? - It wasn't me!

I swear I'm innocent! - Take it easy. Leave us alone, please.

Keep calm, tell me everything, dont' worry, trust me!

From the start, ok?

It's true, the other night I went to the resort

to kill the whore! - Don't shout. Who is the whore?

The one who stole Gino's senses! - Who's Gino? - Gridelli Gino!

Oh, my agent. - Commissioner, I've got him under my skin

He's handsome, like a god! - Well...

In short, you went to kill that whore, that woman. Her,

and maybe even him! - Instead another person was killed.

Yes, but it wasn't me, I swear! My sister thinks I'm guilty

because she saw me back late at night, investigated,

and learned of my murderous rampage.

I know, you got nothing to do with Wilma Cerulli.

But I saw her shortly before she got killed.

You did? Tell me all.

I walked among the bulgalows...

Bulgarians? - The huts, bulgalows! - Oh, bulgalows.

Looking for the damn couple, trying to catch them red-handed,

when suddenly I saw Wilma with a man.

A man? - Yes. - What time was it? - Almost 2:00.

What was he like?

Well, I just saw his athletic shoulders and...

And what?

A bum like a Riace Bronze!

Why, was he naked? - Yes, both of them were.

Well, and then? - I ran away.

You did right, don't worry. Stay calm and go to sleep, ok? - Yes.

You're a false lean, huh?

Ow, ow, ow. The matter gets complicated.

Come in!

Excuse me, Commissioner. - Please.

I brought you the tisane. - Thanks. - I'll put it here.

Annunziata, how could you ever think that your sister is involved in a murder?

Huh? - I don't know.

But since you arrived, this island has become hell!

My sisters burn, like cats in heat! - Yes, I know.

I too am burning! Feel how I'm burning! - Yes, yes. - You feel it?

What are you doing? Hold still! - Handsome! Your eyes drive me crazy!

Please, I'm a public officer. Try to...

But you, are you a man, or what? - I am a man, but... - No!

Do not push!

She's really horny!

Naughty, naughty, naughty!

Oh, fuck off!

I don't know... - Naughty! - Incredible!

Babette, chérie...

La chair est faible! The flesh is weak!

Excuse me.

You still there? - Yes!

Would you...bring me some sugar? - Now! Right away!

Very alike, dear doctor Lo Gatto! Photogenic at the utmost!

A cocktail of Commissioner Maigret and Lieutenant Colombo!

And even more handsome than in natural!

Gorgeous, Commissioner!

Self-assured, professional, charming!

Don't stiffen your arse.

Congratulations, Commissioner!

Handsomer than Lt. Kojak!

Congratulations! They will erect him a monument!

Congratulations. - Are you all gone mad today?

Congrats, cheers...What's up? - We are in the paper!

No, on the front page.

Turbid murder in Favignana.

Do I look fat?

You're gorgeous! - Read it, I don't have my glasses.

So...

There!

The inquiry has been entrusted to Commissioner Natale Lo Gatto,

a mature man, thoughtful, cultured, endowed with a strong charisma.

Well? Is that all? - No, there's more. - Go on then!

Faultless and without blemish, is the right man to unravel

the tangled skein of the giallo of Favignana.

The doom of the murderer is marked.

It is finished? - Unfortunately, yes.

Nice pen, this Ragusa! I like it!

He just told the truth.

Well, I must admit that I underrated you. - I know, I know.

I'm like those jokes that come late.

Offhand, you don't understand them.

But then, you wake up at night and feel like laughing.

I switch here, it's best. It happened to me too, many times, this thing.

I remember once, in Nocera lnferiore, I was...

Commissioner? - Yes? - At what point is the investigation?

Ragusa, you're likeable, but, the confidentiality of investigations.

Anyway, since I'm fine with you, I too am a cultured man,

while chatting...

Tonight we dine together, my treat! - No, I won't allow. - OK, your treat!

Addolorata? - Yes. - Is there some Marsala left?

Sure! I'm coming! Here it is.

I brought you some cookies. I made them myself.

Thanks. - You're welcome. - Vintage year 1964. Good!

Well, the little sisters treat you well, huh? - Well, all in all...

Let's say they love me, so I'm like the hotel's mascot. - Commissioner? - What?

You with the sisters...huh?

Ragusa, please!

Come on! Lobsters, cookies, Marsala... I grasp these things on the fly.

I've held the gössip column for years. - Which column?

The gössip column, right?

But you, are you really from Turin?

No, not exactly from Turin.

I was born in Polignano a Mare, Bari.

Oh! I heard "gössip", and the like...

But inside I feel like a Piedmontese. - I see.

Excuse me. I take a toothpick, because I have sparse teeth.

You know how they say in Spain? - No.

"Sparse teeth, lucky beneath"

Excuse me a question...a bit delicate. - Go ahead.

How did the mishap happen?

Which mishap? - Your foot.

Oh! That's not a mishap!

It's a family foot, everyone has it at home: my father, my uncle, my grandpa.

It's the so-called "equine foot". Like horses, right?

Listen... Damn! I always feel like saying "thou".

Obviously I deem you a friend! Let's thou each other!

Shall we thou? - Sure! Vituccio! - Natalino.

I wanted to ask another thing: but you've always galloped...?

Sorry. You've always worked here, in Sicily?

You've touched a sore spot, dear Natalino.

My life is like a Jack London novel,

where the protagonist finds gold in Klondike,

then goes to California loses all, becomes a banker,

falls in love with the wrong gal and goes back to grow lettuce.

I didn't see this film. When was it showed?

It's not a film: everything took place between Catanzaro, Reggio and Trapani.

I was abroad just once, in Portugal.

Lisbon? - No. Fatima.

A pilgrimage with the parish, to the sanctuary.

A wonderful thing. 80 hrs by coach.

That was the top. The rest was mediocrity.

I still haven't found my ace up the sleeve!

What say. Even with me, life hasn't been generous.

I always dreamed of being Commissioner in Milan,

but I never went beyond Rome. From Rome upwards, never.

A crap of life, if you will.

You married?

No. I am a lone wolf.

And you, are you married? - No. Single, alone, free.

As the Americans say. You kidding?

No, once, I was about to fall for it, in Paris,

in 1965.

A wonderful woman, different...

Interesting...interesting.

But, you too were different!

Were you a singer?

No, at all. It was fashionable then to have a tuft Elvis style.

Paris...Lovely.

Natale, but you're crying!

You are crying.

No, I've got a hay fever.

But there's no hay on this island. - But there's fever!

Look here. - Eh.

Her name was Raffaella, daughter of a gynaecologist.

A cultured girl, intellectual, femminist,

with an ass to make you dizzy.

I was about to marry her.

Going to the altar she stops and says: Sorry, I changed my mind. I won't marry.

And she leaves. And that's where my wedding ended.

How many meters were you from the altar?

Well, we were on our way to it.

I mean, was it near?

Half the aisle. But why do you ask?

A professional bias. I always like to know the details.

A toast to love? - A toast to love? - To Babette!

To Raffaella!

I propose another toast. - Again!

I toast to the happy conclusion of our giallo.

The Commissioner finds the killer and gets promoted to Milan! - I like that.

I propose another toast.

To Vituccio Ragusa, who does a sensational scoop,

and gets close friend with Enzo Biagi!

But now I have to go. - Fuck, this thing is strong!

It's good, strong. Strong but good!

I need to go because I'm in Trapani tomorrow. I too am on a track.

Which one?

You're teaching me that if you want to find the culprit

you have to know the victim first. - I don't get it. - You will.

Good night, my friend! And thanks for the delicious dinner!

Good night, Vito!

Poor thing!

Babette.

So, Commissioner, should I serve the brew here

or take it to your bed?

No, thanks, Addolorata. Better not. I've drunk too much Marsala.

Pity.

What a good perfume! What is? - It's a French perfume.

It's called Vertige.

Pleasant! Vertige...

Vertige...

of fish.

Addolorata?

I was thinking...that thing, the brew...

maybe...

bring it to me in bed.

Yes...

Great news! Trapani FC buys Maradona!

Wait till you hear my news!

Maradona?

Ragusa, just on the eve of Ferragosto you had to break our balls?

For us journalists there's no Easter, Christmas nor Ferragosto.

We're always in the trenches, as said Ernesto!

Hemingway! Do you know what a scoop is?

One of those news that then make seize the newspaper. Here, this is '82.

I marked the day that interests you, and these are the photos.

Here she is!

The new Miss Trinacria elected last night in Polipo d'Argento.

Quite a babe, she is. - She was!

This is the girl brutally murdered on the island of Favignana.

Wilma Cerulli is a fake name. The girl's name is Maria Papetti.

Papetti Maria? - Do you know her? - No.

Papetti Maria...

What are you doing? - Verbalizing!

And who told you to verbalize?

Sorry. - I remembered having seen her somewhere,

and indeed I had seen her!

Maria Papetti had frequented Trapani.

We're talking of some time ago.

She even tried the climb to success, a local TV station.

She hosted a show on Sicilian wines.

The title was "It isn't corked!" - It isn't, yes. - You saw it? - No.

A disaster! So she began to perform in striptease.

She worked in a very exclusive club, The Mocambo.

Mocambo... - Mocambo.

Gridelli, please, this tick-tick-tick is drilling my head ! Fuck!

Type faster, or don't type! Go away, it's best!

Tick-tick-tick! Go on, go on.

Then she became the lover of a very rich man, very high up.

I don't recall his name.

It was a complicated, long name. Fri... Fri... Fri...

Frico? - That's right!

Baron Frico. - Do you know him? - Yes, I know him.

My commander would like to speak with your boss.

The Baron's not here. He's hunting for wild rabbit today.

On the mountain, St Catherine, find him you can. - Thanks.

Commissioner, the Baron is hunting, at Saint Catherine.

What an ugly face!

There he is!

The Baron, waiting is. - And I, going am.

Who's playing the violin? - The Baron.

What are you doing with that violin? - I've put everything in it.

Keep it in mind if something happens to me. Remember!

Take off you hat! - Hey!

Watch your mouth, you know? No one ever told me "take off your hat"!

I take it off if I want to. If I don't, I won't! Got it? Boor!

I take it off.

Baron, the Commissioner is here. - Take it, asshole.

Dearest Commissioner! - Baron... - What brings you here?

So. Just visiting. I didn't know you played violin.

Let's rather say I torture the violin! But, see, music relaxes me.

May I offer you a glass of Marsala?

No, thanks, I never drink on duty.

Then accept at least a good cigar! These are genuine Havana.

Thank you!

Good old stuff!

Dear Baron, should I consider this as a indemnity? - For what?

Baron, you surprise me! Really you don't know the mishap

to my cigar this morning in your game reserve? - No!

What happened? - To the cigar?

Shattered.

But not by a hand. A rifle shot! - Shit!

Shit, if you allow, I say it. They nearly killed me!

But you tell me if you knew a certain Wilma Cerulli.

Wilma Cerulli? I don't think so, I don't remember.

And Maria Papetti? - Oh, her, yes. But many years ago!

Four, to be precise.

A gorgeous girl who performed striptease at the Mocambo.

Baron, Wilma and Maria are the same person.

And this person was killed under mysterious circumstances.

Tell me where you were the night of the crime!

I don't know, I don't remember, so many days have passed.

Give me that violin. - Why?

Give me that violin!

But why? What you want to do with my violin?

But what have you done, Commissioner? Are you crazy? A museum piece!

A Stradivarius worth 800 millions!

I don't give a damn! It could be worth a billion!

800 millions? Shit!

When I get mad I can't understand a thing! Alright?

Baron Frico has an alibi.

I looked carefully into the violin, a Stradivarius worth 800 million,

there was nothing.

Were you looking for drug?

Natale,

I bet you're thinking exactly what I'm thinking.

No?

I think so.

And I wonder how you did understand.

Let's hear, what I was thinking?

That someone has tried to hush you!

After all, we're in Sicily. And, in Sicily, there is the ma...

The ma...? - Malmsey?

The Mafia!

Sure, I know, Mafia is a big word, a word that causes fear.

But sure you're not a guy who yields in the face of these intimidations.

You know how I thought to entitle the article, tomorrow? - No.

"Lo Gatto is a wild beast!".

You like?

Nice.

Listen, Vituccio...

you who know Sicily very well now, you're a connoisseur of Trinacria,

what do you recommend I do?

Natalino.

This calls for strong action.

I don't get it.

It takes a blitz.

I don't grasp.

A blitz!

All this noise! Why not put a rubber sole?

I do, ring? - No! Now we make a phone call!

We're here for a blitz. Want to join? Take off, idiot!

Nobody move! Freeze! Hands up!

There's nobody here.

What is this mess?

How dare you to shoot in my house?

Baron Fricò, you're under arrest. - Me!?

For complicity in the Cerulli murder, and Mafia conspiracy.

Mafioso?

Here is the Commissioner!

Thank you! - You're like Petrosino, now! I made you become a legend!

Look. "Lo Gatto challenges La Piovra".

A nice photo, Commissioner? - I go here, OK? - Ready?

Wait!

Say cheese! Done!

Another one? - Gridelli, not so intimate! - Done!

Commissioner Lo Gatto? - It's me.

I am the Deputy Public Prosecutor, Michele La Volpe.

Lo Gatto, nice to...

La Volpe?

Here comes our Annunziata, with the peppered mussels of Favignana.

Bon appetit!

Dear Lo Gatto, I was staying so well in Taormina...

Blitzes shouldn't be done at Ferragosto!

Dear La Volpe, we don't look at season, when is cause to force majeure!

And also Ferragosto is cause to force majeure!

I know, but this time I believe I hit the jackpot, judge.

Have you read the newspapers? - I have.

What's this stuff?

Mussels of Favignana. Aren't they good?

No, this story about mafia. - What proof do you have?

I have none, but I have strong suspicions.

And you unleash the press, arresting a Baron and a coloured worker,

only on suspicions? - But the anti-mafia law agrees with me,

since it says that even a suspicion may be sufficient evidence.

Where's that worker from? - Saint-Juan de la Martinique.

And have you ever heard of Martiniquan mafiosi? - No.

So then?

But hey, who the hell killed her, this Wilma?

Prosecutor La Volpe, I summoned all the suspects.

In an hour, the truth will be known. - In an hour.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Prosecutor. I've summoned you here

to let you know the path that led me to discover the murderer,

or murderess, of Wilma Cerulli.

At first, my suspicions fell on architect Arcuni

Wilma's steady companion, the only one who is not here,

I'd accused him, but... - Unjustly.

And you know what saved him? This button.

Button for overcoat.

Overcoat! Later I explain why.

Then I thought of Dr Pedretti, odontologist, from Bolzano,

naturist, known as Bazooka,

who had shouted that night, while dancing with Wilma, he shouted:

Some day I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

Too easy, judge! So, at that point,

increasingly took shape in me the hypothesis of a crime of passion.

Me? - No.

Too easy!

A crime of passion. Yes!

And for few hours the protagonists became these 2 beautiful ladies.

Thank you. - Intriguing,

scathing, liars,

belonging to a Milanese milieu where

there's an odd sense of morality, and an odd morality of the senses! - Bravo!

Bravo! Not very clear, but effective!

But sadly, even this time... - ...wrong I was! - I admit it.

And what saved these 2 beautiful ladies?

These strawberry-coloured panties.

Are they yours? - Later you'll understand.

Now we come to this young gent,

athletic, a bit thief and a bit scoundrel,

entertainer by day, lover by night,

he could be the murderer, but he's not, judge! What did save him?

This harmonica! And later you'll understand.

Hey! Send him out, Gridelli! Where does he think he is?

Let's go. - I need to test the mike. - Later, go!

Executed, Commissioner.

But finally some light begins to filter in this mystery.

At about 25 meters on the seabed,

is found by a diver the severed head of Cerulli Wilma!

Gridelli, the head!

Et voilà!

A toy head.

A macabre mistake that led me astray.

But then things start to get heavy, sir.

The local Gattopardo, Baron Fricò, tries to get me kill by his Mafioso servant.

And the riddles in my brain overlap one after another.

Mafia!

Drugs!

Kidnapping! Organized crime!

I know, it's complicated but, I'll try to summarize.

A fine August morning, lands on the island of Favignana

a stunning red-haired woman, accompanied by...a half...a half-man.

Is the same person that after three days is murd...

Is the same person that after three days is murd...murd...ed...

is murd...ered? This is the question mark!

Wilma Cerulli, was murdered?

That is, is murdered, her?

And the answer is no, folks! Because Wilma Cerulli is here!

Alive, kicking! 'Geez! She's here! Here she is!

Mr Lo Gatto, here we are, safe and sound.

But you weren't dead? - Dead, I? Up yours! Don't you see I'm alive?

Newspapers, mafia... Are you crazy? But mind you that I will ruin you all!

Calm down, Miss. - Who are you?

I am the Deputy Public Prosecutor.

If you were the Minister of lnterior, I couldn't care less!

If you knew in what a mess you committed yourselves!

Another photo, Wilma!

Commissioner, but you knew she was alive?

Geez, didn't I know? - How did you do? - Nose, Gridelli, nose!

Miss Wilma, we need to talk you and me!

Agent, will you remove these bracelets?

I must have forgotten the keys in a drawer at the precinct. - What brain!

La Volpe, do you have something to say to the press? - No comment!

Miss Wilma, to our readers you're something more than just news.

Tell us what happened.

No comment!

Allow me to insist. - Ragusa! Excuse him, miss.

If two people say "no comment", it is "no comment", huh?

Well, goodbye. - Goodbye, Miss.

Consider me a friend always available.

Available for anything you might need. You too, my regards. - Let's go.

Goodbye, architect.

Ragusa!

Remember me, Miss. Commissioner Natale Lo Gatto.

Lo Gatto Natale. All the best!

Always available, night and day, for anything!

Regards! Have a safe journey!

Don't forget me, dear!

Natale.

In name of our old friendship, if you leave me now, you stab me in the back.

Ragu', in name of our old friendship, if I speak now, I stab my balls!

Try to forget this thing. - I can't.

Because I smell a bombshell news! - The news there is, Ragusa, there is!

If I speak, in 2 days you become the editor of Corriere della Sera.

So, speak!

Commissioner,

you know I'm a grown man who goes about his business.

You gotta tell me what happened to the dead killed

who then all of a sudden is risen!

Armandino, from tomorrow I switch to the electric razor, OK?

Commissioner, the cloth! - Here!

And the rub?

Rub yourself, and you know where!

Seems they spread the word! All over me, all want to know,

like damn ticks!

Why are you so nervous today?

Who says I'm nervous? You too now, Gridelli?

Everybody's talking, wants to know. To know what? I'm so quiet, minding my own!

Mind you, it's a stamp! - I know!

Then, I don't want to smoke anymore, OK? What's up? What's up?

Commissioner, I'm not a scandalmonger from Romagna, a gossiper.

Confide with me. Don't keep everything inside, confess!

And I confess to you? Idiot! "Confessing with someone is good!"

Confessing!

I'm going. - Where to? - I'm not telling.

Now you understand, don Giacomo, more than a confession,

this is a confidence to a friend!

I must talk, I must confide with someone! The matter is too important!

Hey, beware, you won't go around to... - Oh no! - Well...

So, I'll explain the situation from the start. The summary.

Who is this Wilma Cerulli? Wilma is a fledgling starlet,

friend of a big shot, who recommends her to RAI

to do a television drama, a thriller.

So far, so good.

At one point, when I find the damn tape, on which...

on the tape, then, there was the crime told word by word!

I thought of a crime, whoever would have thought! But no!

It was the scene from that TV drama

that the girl had to learn by heart. Then suddenly Wilma disappears.

So I, as anyone in my place, finding blood in the room,

I think of a crime, of passion at least. But no. Why disappears?

Because she was picked up by a sailor that night!

To take her on board!

At one point, the room flooded with blood...

Did I say there was plenty of blood?

Did I? Hey! I'm talking to you! Did I tell you about the blood?

What was it? It was tunny's blood. - Bunny? - Tunny, the fish!

The big shot had bought it, and the two had prepared it to take it on board.

Where they would gobble it merrily with all friends of the cruise.

At some point, the girl returns, and I nearly get a stroke!

When she came back, I questioned the girl as everyone else.

I said: "Sorry, where were you the night of the crime?"

And, in the most candid way, she says:

I was on cruise on a Navy ship. - Huh?

In the company of the Prime Minister.

So you see, Don Giacomo, in what kind of mess too big for me I committed myself?

I'm sweating at the mere idea. In short,

I was going to badmouth the prime minister, in such a political moment,

during his escapade of Ferragosto!

It's not that you were going to! You badmouthed him alright!

Fuck, what a news!

A bombshell! - You! - Thanks, Commissioner!

This time I'll win the Pulitzer Prize! - Good Heavens!

So? - Wait! - Our Commissioner wants to confess?

Good, be my guest!

Let's hear him!

Vituccio!

That goddamn journalist had ruined me.

The bombshell news toppled the Government,

Christian Democrats returned to power. It was the end of my career.

So I thought. But ...

Dear Commissioner Lo Gatto,

you've done a great service to the State, and, in this instance, to my party.

The former president was hoping to stay in charge a lifetime, instead

has intervened an honest and courageous Commissioner:

you.

I'm sure that your loyalty to the institutions will be rewarded.

Do forward us a request, and we will try to fulfil it.

A request, Your Excellency?

Commissioner in Milan, is the dream of my life. - Very well.

The dream of my life had finally come true.

I was moved to Milan, and promoted deputy chief.

At the meeting of Heads of State of most industrialized countries,

I was given the most delicate task: the security.

Guard on the roof, hey!

On the air, RAI special correspondent, Vito Ragusa.

We see former Prime Minister Craxi,

who is kissing the hand of Mrs Thatcher.

It has thus begun today in Milan, the summit of major industrialized countries.

ln this splendid setting of the XIX century villa, that was dear to Manzoni,

will take place shortly the banquet... the business lunch,

that the Mayor of Milan will offer to the 7 great. But, let's go pr...

pry now into the tent where, in fact, the symposium will take place.

Here we are! The richly laid table... and this is the menu.

A menu that provides shrimp supreme à la sauce baignère,

Black Forest trouts with Abruzzi strawberries,

kidney stuffed veal à la Pompadour, meringue pie à la UNICEF,

bitters, wine and coffee at will, of course.

Good morning!

Thank you!

Impressive the security measures.

Security service was entrusted to deputy chief Lo Gatto.

Deputy Lo Gatto, can you tell us a word?

Well, what shall I say? I'm very excited,

the safety of the 7 great is in my hands.

You can see nothing, dear Ragusa. - No. - Well, on each tree,

each bush, and even in each flower pot, there's a cop.

Unbelievable, even in the pots!

But, let's go to the G7. Mrs. Thatcher wears a tailleur...

Tree squad, you hear, Corporal Gridelli?

Loud and clear. - Everything under control? - Yes, Chief.

Deputy Chief. Are you watching everything with 100 eyes?

101. - Alright.

Chief Lo Gatto! - What now?

Keep an eye on the tent! Something shiny comes out! A rod!

Good Heavens! A Kalashnikov!

It's an attack! Down on the ground! Everyone! Down!

You too, Excellencies! Sorry for throwing you in water!

So sorry!

A vacuum...

That courageous act, though pointless, was rewarded.

Promoted Chief, Lo Gatto was transferred to a hot area of Sicily,

where a mafia bomb, a few days before,

had killed Chief Marullo and his escort.

English subs by: marooned2 & edam17 @ KG