All language subtitles for Francis (1950)

Thank you.

[ Door Opens ]

I appreciate it very much,
Mrs. Gordon. Most helpful.

We thought you ought to know.
Absolutely.

We bankers
can't be too careful.

Give my best to that nice
husband of yours. Thank you.

[Ringing]

Yeah?
Yes, sir!

Hey, Stirling,
Mr. Munroe wants to see you.

Y-Y-You sent for me,
sir?

That's all,
Miss King.

Sit down,
young man.

Stirling, how long have
you been with this bank?

A-About, uh, uh,
f-four years, sir.

Counting the time before the war.
Four years.

I must speak frankly. There's a great
deal of talk going around town,

talk that isn't good for
you or the bank. Yes, sir.

Oh, so you know about it?
Oh, yes, sir.

Well, then
you can understand.

In the banking business
we can't be too careful.

[Chuckling] The talk's
all nonsense, of course.

Oh, but, sir,
it's not nonsense.

Utter non-
What?

L-I-l mean,
it's true, sir.

How can such an absurd,
ridiculous-

Stirling, what's
the matter with you?

W-Well, could I
tell you about it?

Tell me? Yes. lf you'd
just let me explain.

I'm an extremely busy man.
B-But, sir, it means my job.

Well, then... make it brief.
Yes, sir.

It all began a few years
ago over in Burma. Burma?

[ Stirling] Yes, sir. The jungle was
the hottest I 'd ever known it.

Still, there was no excuse
for me, a second lieutenant,

getting separated from
my platoon, no excuse at all.

When I realized I was alone,
lost behind the jap lines,

I was scared.

Then I thought what my commander would
say when I told him I'd lost my platoon.

And I was really scared!

[ Screeching]

At last I took refuge
under a tree.

I must've been exhausted
because I fell asleep.

[Artillery Shelling]

Our barrage woke me.

My mouth felt dry.

It's funny how wet you can be
outside and so dry inside.

[Shelling]

I Explosion]

[ Man's Voice] Hey, watch it! If
you don't want to live, I do.

Keep your head down.

Who said that?

Who said that?

I did.

Where are you? Come
on out or I'll shoot.

Lieutenant, you better put that
gun up before you hurt somebody.

Who's speaking?
Me!

Who's me?

Me. The mule.

Oh, don't.
Don't be ridiculous.

Coming from a second lieutenant,
that's almost ironic.

Must be a booby trap of some kind.
You oughta know.

But it's fantastic.
I don't believe it.

Hey-

What are you?

I'm just an army mule,
and my name happens to be Francis.

“Frances“?

That's a girl's name.
Uh-Uh-Uh.

Let's keep sex
out of this.

The name is still Francis...
with an

Why? Must be wired for sound.

Well, it's some kind
of a trick.

It's a cinch
Mules don't talk.

[Explosion]

We are facing an extremely
serious situation.

I must decide upon a course of action.
Brilliant, Lieutenant.

Smack-dab on the button.
Brilliant.

I must be crazy to even
think it can talk.

That bang on the head must've
been worse than l thought

I gotta get outta here!

Say
Huh?

Could-Could you carry me
outta here?

Carry you and slow myself up?
[Laughing]

But I am
an officer.

A second lieutenant.

Why, it wouldn't
even be patriotic.

You mean, my life
isn't worth saving?

The question is, would it
be worth risking mine to do it?

What do you mean?

Is there a shortage of second lieutenants?
Certainly not!

The War Department has announced
they got a large surplus.

But mules?
That's a different story.

No, I just couldn't do it.

Not with my interest
in furthering the war effort.

[ Shelling Continues]

Pull your ears in!

- M-My leg. I've been hit.
- This would have to happen.

By the tail of my Great Aunt Regret
who won the Derby,

I oughta leave you here
for jap bait.

Go ahead. Go ahead,
save yourself.

You know perfectly well
I can't leave you now.

Well, I thought you said a second
lieutenant wasn't worth saving.

A whole one ain't. Wounded, you've
become a matter of principle.

Never mind that! Come on. Get on my back
and I'll take you to an aid station.

Francis, I'll have you made
a corporal for this.

What us mules go through
to earn a couple of stripes.

Lt. Stirling?
Uh,yes, sir.

How's the leg? It's just
a flesh wound, Captain.

I'm getting out of here in
a couple of clays. Fine.

Cigarette?
No, thank you.

Stirling.

I'm from 6-2.

6-2?

What does Intelligence
want of me?

You had quite an experience out
there, didn't you? Yes, sir.

The men on my patrol, did they all-
They're all back safe and sound.

It's okay, Lieutenant. Those
things can happen on patrol.

We were crawling on the hillside
and suddenly I was alone.

I was afraid to call out. Lucky for
you that mule found headquarters.

Mule?
Oh, Francis!

Francis?

The mule, sir, Francis.
He spelled it with an

You seem to know quite
a lot about this mule.

Only what
he told me, sir.

What who told you?
Francis.

Francis? Yes, sir. The mule.

That's what
I thought you said.

Lieutenant, this doesn't indicate there's
anything the matter with your mind.

Why, there isn't, sir.

But... you just told me
a mule talked to you.

He did, sir.
You're sure of that?

Oh, yes, sir. I didn't believe it
at first either. But he really did.

Now, uh, take it easy,
Lieutenant.

Just... take it easy.

Well, young fellow,
how are you getting along?

Huh? Uh,fine,sir.

Had a little bump on the head
too, didn't you? Yes, sir.

Doesn't seem to amount to a thing.
No, sir.

I hear you told Capt. Grant a
mule talked to you. That right?

Uh,yes, sir.

Well, my patients like
to have their littlejokes.

But I wasn't joking, sir. Lieutenant,
this is no time for leg-pulling.

There's a war going on.
You know mules can't talk.

That's what I thought, sir.
B-But this one talked to me.

You mean the animal talked
to you the way I'm speaking?

W-W-Well, m-maybe
not so loud, sir.

Tell me, Stirling.

Is it just one particular
mule who talks to you?

Or do all the mu/es talk?
just Francis, sir.

Francis? That's the
mule's name, Lieutenant.

He spells it
with an

Do any other animals talk toyou?
Elephants? Rabbits?

Chickens 7 Goldfish?

No, sir.
Of course not.

The very thought of such things talking
is ridiculous, isn't it, young man?

Yes, sir.

Lieutenant, yours is not an unusual case.
Nothing unusual about it at all.

In no time we'll have you
fixed up good as new.

Good morning, boys.

Samuel. Ben.

Hiya, Raymond.

Feeling better?

Come, come, Lieutenant.
Upsy-daisy.

Colonel Plepper wants to see you.
Col. Plepper?

Yes! He's our
top, top psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist? But I
don't need a psychiatrist.

Now, now, come along.

[ Knocking]

[Knocking]
Yes 7

Oh, well?

Col. Piepper,
Lt. Stirling is here.

Lieutenant,

this is Col. Plepper.

No, no, my boy, none of that.
just come in and sit down.

Make yourself
right at home.

Thank you, sir.

How long have you been visiting us?
Let me see.

Ten days.

Hmm! I see you've gained
a pound a day.

Yes, sir. I've been on
a condensed milk diet.

Mm-hmm. Remarkable what it can
do for a man. Remarkable.

You feel fatter?

Yes, sir.
Perfectly natural.

Wonderful the way the army is
able to put weight on a man.

This is going to look beautiful
on our chart.

Mm-hmm.

Now, Lieutenant,

suppose you tell us all about
your friend the mule who talks.

Well, uh-

Well, Colonel, sir, I must've
been wrong about that

just imagined it. It could've
been that bang on the head.

Or perhaps I was just
shell-shocked.

Oh, no.
We call it combat fatigue.

You're thinking
of the last war.

I must've been fatigued, but I'm perfectly
all right now. Of course you are.

Why don't you report to Col. Saunders
this afternoon for assignment to duty?

See how quickly
the army can cure you?

Mm-hmm.

Oh. gosh!

Yes?
Uh-huh.

Fine! Then I'll bring
Miss Geider over right away.

Your quarters are arranged. The ladies of
the Red Cross are waiting to welcome you.

Ah, merci. They are so
kind to let me stay.

You're still under the
wing of the army. Yes.

It may be some time before it's safe for you
to return to your father's trading post.

Monsieur,
vous etes si aimable.

I am so touched that with a
war on you trouble with me.

Papa would be so grateful. lf only we could
find him to let him know you're all right.

But who knows
where he is?

The japanese came in so fast
we had to take to the hills...

with scarcely time
to pack.

Poor Papa and I got separated. I was
looking for him when your patrol found me.

We'll do everything we can
to find your father.

We'd better get you settled.
Merci Col. Saunders.

Merci encore,
Col. Hooker.

[Clears Throat]

I hope you'll be comfortable
in your quarters.

Gentlemen!

I trust you're not too busy to attend
the staff meeting this afternoon.

What does the Colonel got I haven't got?
Rank, Captain, rank.

And me only
a second lieutenant.

And that is the reason
for this staff meeting.

Of course, this opening in Intelligence
offers the opportunity for advancement.

Gentlemen, I'd like to ask if there is
any officer in this headquarters...

who feels that he has special
qualifications for G-2 work.

Lt. Brimm?

Sir, I speak seven languages
of the Far East.

I was a professor
at Duke University.

Fine. Make a note, Lieutenant.
Captain Norman?

I've spent nine years in Burma, prospecting.
I know the country and the people.

You speak the language?

Yes, sir,
all dialects fluently.

Very good.
Note that, Lieutenant.

Oh, uh,
Lt. Stirling?

2nd Lt . Stirling!
Oh, yes, sir?

Lieutenant, have you any special
qualifications for intelligence work?

Oh, no, sir.
None at all, sir.

I wouldn't even-
Oh, no, sir. None.

[Ringing]

G-2 Intelligence.

.','[Swing]

It's hard to picture a beautiful young girl
like you living in a jungle trading post.

Do you find it pretty dull?
The jungle dull? No!

It is mystérieuse
wonderful, thrilling.

I'm afraid some of the men here
don't find it so thrilling.

That is because they are
so lonely, n'est-ce pas?

It's a sacrilege the way that
luscious armful's being wasted.

Yeah. I can hear the Colonel's last two red
corpuscles yelling for reinforcements.

It's unpatriotic.

It's on all their faces.

A sort of...
sadness.

Oh, no, no, not sadness.
Hunger.

They're all hoping
I'll drop dead.

And they're all so handsome.
So attractive.

Well, it might be good strategy
if I did share you with them.

Come, I'll introduce you.

Hello!

Hello.

Lt. Stirling, I don't believe you've
met our charming guest, Miss Gelder.

N-N-No, I haven't, sir. But it's
wonderful. A pleasure, Lieutenant.

Lt. Stirling has just been
assigned to Intelligence.

Oh! And
so very young too.

My compliments
Lieutenant.

[ Francis Snorts]

Oh.

You must be
Lt. Stirling's friend.

Fascinating.

Simply fascinating.
[Swing]

Aren't you going to ask me
to dance, Lieutenant?

Y-You mean,you would?
I-l mean, would you?

Mais, oui.
But of course.

Ah, after Lt. Col. Saunders
and the two majors and-

Lt. Stirling?

Surprise, Lieutenant.
Someone's looking for you.

Lt. Stirling was my favorite patient.
Such an unusual-

Dance?

Lieutenant, the colonels,
the majors, the captains,

what will they think?
Oh, what have I clone.

Forgive me.
I'll take you right back.

Max's, non.
I like a masterful man...

that sweeps me away
from everyone!

Oh, gee,
I did, didn't I?

Comment...

allez-vous?

Comment allez-vous 7?

Vous- Pardon, monsieur. Phase.

Please, can you-- Ah, it is the
masterful young Lt. Stirling.

Banjour, mon ami.

Miss Gilder!

Comment allez-vous 7?

Trés b/en, merci.
I see you study fiangais.

That is very nice. Oui, but when I say
it, it doesn't sound like you do.

It is the same for me
with anglais - English.

At the trading post
I do not learn.

There is only Papa
and he is worse than me.

Tell me, monsieur,

if your army should have
a message from Papa,

they would tell me,
no?

W-Well, you see-
But you mustn't worry.

Maybe I can, well,
look into it and let you know.

Oh, it is trés genil. So
very kind of you to trouble.

I would be
most grateful.

Until then,
au revoir, monsieur.

Au revoir,
“madammozle.”

Ah, bonjour,
monsieur Ie sargente.

Good morning, sir.

Morning.

[Humming]

“Come at once.
Francis.“

Oh, Sergeant,
do I look all right?

All right?
Yes, sir.

[Laughing]
[Braying]

Francis?

Francis, it's me,
the second lieutenant.

Hey!
Hey, Francis!

Remember me?

Gee, maybe I am
a mental case.

Most second lieutenants are!

Francis!

Francis!
All right, all right!

Then-
Then you can talk.

L-I did hear you
the first time.

I didn't imagine it at all!
I'm not crazy!

That's debatable,
Lieutenant.

Well, then, why did
you send for me?

Me?
Send for you?

Yes, this note
you wrote me.

- I never put anything in writing.
- But it's signed “Francis?

Get smart, Lieutenant. You're
being ribbed by your buddies!

Ribbed?

Huh. Then the joke's
on them. You can talk!

I'm gonna bring 'em out here
and prove it.

Lieutenant,
meet the Sphinx.

You mean,you'd let them
laugh at me?

Let 'em think
I'm a mental case?

Next thing you know, theyll be
sending me home as a psycho.

So? I know what you think
of second lieutenants,

but even we want
to help win the war.

Come back here.
Your morale's draggin'.

Never thought I'd have
to wet-nurse a lieutenant.

How'd you like
to be a hero?

Me? A hero?

There's a jap
observation post...

spotting your base about 2,000
yards from headquarters.

Oh, don't be an ass.

Be that as it may, that jap
observation post is there.

Well, then why aren't you
doing something about it?

I am. I'm tellin' you. Me? Why?

You know what section
you're in?

Certainly. I'm in 6-2.
Intelligence.

Then don't sound so surprised
when I give-you some.

This must be reported
immediately!

Look, haven't you been
in the army long enough...

to know that you don't get
medals forjust reportin' it?

What else can I do?
What else can you do?

You can go out and capture that post!
Who? Me?

Either you'rea soldier
or an optical illusion!

And tonight I intend
to find out which!

This must be
an illusion!

What are you made up for,
Lieutenant?

Shh!

My aching back.

Shh! Shush my Great
Aunt Regret's tail!

You're making enough noise
to wake up the whole jap army.

Well, well! What are you
made up for, Lieutenant?

What secret weapon have you
got hidden in that pack, huh?

It's a shelter half.

In case of rain or do you expect
to shack up with those japs?

Go on. Get rid of it.
Go on!

Why that shovel? We may
have to dig entrenchments.

Lieutenant, if there's any diggin'
clone, it'll be to bury ya.

Get rid of it!

And that gas mask too!

I have been ordered to wear
my gas mask at all times.

Do you really believe that two japs
in the middle of the jungle...

are gonna launch the first
gas attack of the war...

against you personally?

That goes too.

Now, how many grenades
you got there, huh?

A dozen.
A dozen?

Look, Lieutenant,
we're goin' after two.

Get it?
Two frightened japs.

How do you know
they're frightened?

Two japs alone
are always frightened.

One grenade's plenty.

A whole dozen grenades!

Now that revolver. Suppose
the tom my gun doesn't work?

Then you won't need anything
except flowers.

Yep. Mm-hmm.

Francis, you've stripped me.
Uh-huh! We're ready to go.

And for the love of Burma mud,
quiet!

Come on.

Hey, don't yank.
I'm sensitive.

Come on!

I thought you said
it was only 2,000 yards!

Oh, we haven't even gone
200 yet!

[ Twig Cracks]

[ Twig Cracks]

Shh.
They're right up there.

What do we do now?

I'm gonna get
behind 'em.

You stay here.
When I yell,

fire a couple of shots in the air.
In the air?

Shh! Quiet.

In the air.

Throw down your guns!

You're surrounded!

Come down...
on the double!

[ Francis ] Close in
with your men
Lieutenant.

C-C-Coming!

F- F- F--

Forward, men!

I'm Lieutenant Sakia. Pleased
to make your acquaintance.

[ Francis] Save your bows, One
false move and we'll drill ya!

Very good. Very good.
We'll surrender.

I hope to kiss a duck
you surrender!

[Francis] Get those hands higher"!
Higher'!

Come around here, Lieutenant
Yes, sir!

Get 'em up.

No need to worry, my good fellow.
We know when the game is up.

Hey, quite a cultivated
accent you got there.

Harvard, I presume. Harvard?
Certainly not.

Yale! Ah, so “solly.” Let's go.

Wha' happened?

“Wha' happened?“

My boy, you are
to be congratulated.

(3-2 is proud of you.
No, thank you, sir.

Yes, sir!

Here.

How 'bout one of these?
Oh, no Thank you, sir.

What you've clone, although highly
irregular, is of tremendous value.

And you did it alone!
That's the remarkable part.

Oh, no, sir.
That's not quite-

- What's that?
- I mean,yes, sir.

The general is delighted!

And now, Lieutenant,
just a few questions.

Yes, sir. TheJapanese
observation post,

just how did you
find out about it?

What's the matter?
That's a simple question.

Ah, yes, sir.
Well?

Well, uh-
I don't know, sir.

- What kind of answer is that?
- I mean, I'd rather not say.

You capture a jap post
within yards of headquarters,

you tell me
you'd rather not say!

Why? lf l told you, sir,
you wouldn't believe me.

I'll be the judge
of that! Well?

- You really want to know?
- I demand to know.

Well, sir,
it all happened like this.

The mule-

Well, Lieutenant,
welcome home.

Is- Is it
that mule again?

Such a fascinating friend to have!
Simply fascinating!

It's Col. Plepper.

Good morning, Col. Plepper.
Morning.

No, no, my boy.

Well, well. And how are we today?
Fine, sir.

Of course we are. Nothing
serious the matter with us.

Nothing at all.

But you do have a cold feeling
at the tips of your fingers?

No, sir.

Then you suffer from dizziness?
No, sir.

I mean, there are times when
you feel faint, out of breath?

No, sir. I don't think so, sir.
No.

Oh, I understand!

The thing that's bothering
you is here. Mm-hmm.

You're feeling perfectly
all right,

then suddenly there's
a sharp pain, hmm?

No.

Lieutenant, did they take X-rays of your head?
Yes, sir.

And what did they show?
Nothing, sir.

Lieutenant, what the devil's the
matter with you? Nothing, sir.

Nothing? Hmph! Fine attitude
for a military man.

Drives my doctors crazy, my
psychiatrists crazy, my staff crazy!

I'm sorry, sir.
Sorry?

Half of'em say you're loco.
Other half say you aren't.

Me, I'm the head doctor.
I think they're all loco.

Give a man a good close of castor oil and
a hot bath; either he's crazy or isn't.

Doesn't make much difference anyway.
Yes, sir.

How did you ever get your commission?
Officers Candidate School.

Pass all your examinations?
Yes, sir.

Doesn't prove a thing. Father
and mother living? Yes, sir.

Sane?
Yes, sir.

Doesn't prove a thing!

Well, that's it, gentlemen.
What do you think?

A clear case of
hyper-imaginative reaction...

induced by
emotional starvation.

Acute symptoms impelled by battle fatigue.
What treatment, Colonel?

Activity.
Violent activity.

Give him four aspirins
and send him back to duty.

Stirling, the medics
have recommended activity.

Fortunately, I've got just the thing.
Really, sir?

Yes. See this area, Lieutenant?
Yes, sir.

We have reason to believe there's
ajap patrol in there. That close?

That's right. We don't know the number
of men or just where they are...

so we've decided to send out a
patrol tomorrow. Of course, sir.

And I've chosen you
to lead it.
Yes, sir.

Who me? B-B-But- But what?

But, uh-
Yes, sir.

[ Phone Ringing]

Yes.

Who is this?
Francis.

Francis? Francis who?
Lieutenant, please.

Francis! But, you can't
talk on the telephone.

I hear you're leading
an expedition.

You what?
But t-t-that's impossible.

For you to lead or
for me to hear about it?

You're just guessing.
ls Hill-X246 guessing?

Shh! For heaven sakes,
that's top secret!

Now you're showing signs
of basic intelligence.

Better show a little more
and get over here.

Yes, sir.
I mean, I'll be there.

How did you know I was
leading a patrol?

How did you find out about- How did
you find out about Hill-X46?

If I found out, you can
be sure the japs know.

But that's terrible!
Why?

Theyll ambush us. We'll have
to call off the patrol.

Oh, nothing of the sort!
That's the beauty of it.

We know they know All we gotta do
is to outmaneuver 'em. Who is we?

Let's just say that we're
gonna work it out together.

Work what out?
information the japs have...

gives you
a great opportunity.

F-F-For what?

To carry out your mission
successfully!

What do I do? I don't know why
I worry about you, Lieutenant.

I can't even understand
why I like you!

I suppose in all of us there's
a trace of the mother complex.

Lieutenant, this mule should be
in the rear with the rest of'em.

I want him up in the front. I know,
but that ain't the way it's clone.

Sergeant Chillingbacker, I'm in charge
of this patrol! So they tell me.

What's that?
Sir.

Tell the men to close up.
They're close enough.

Sgt. Chillingbacker!
Yes, sir.

Hmph.
Attaboy, Lieutenant.

What do we do now? Why,just
go ahead with the patrol.

This is it.
X246.

Put out security posts at the edge of
the clearing. Tell 'em to keep alert.

Posts are supposed to be
20 yards out in the jungle.

I want 'em at the edge
of the clearing.

Tell 'em to pitch their
tents in the center.

Out there in the open?
That's right.

But, Lieutenant-
There.

Okay.

What's that?
Sir.

What now?

Have 'em get a campfire ready.
A big one!

What?
I will not!

Are we gonna handle this,
Lieutenant?

We are.

What a way
to fight a war.

What do we do now?
just wait to be wiped out?

Now... we light the fire.
Light the fire?

[ Gunshots]

[Shouting]

Splendid.
A fine job.

And now, Lieutenant, just how did you
know the japs were going to ambush you?

[Knocking]
Yes 7

Good morning, Lieutenant.
We have a visitor.

Oh, no! Not another doctor.
Not this time.

Col. Plepper says
you need stimulation.

Stimulation!
Flapdoodle!

Yes, but who is it?

Are we respectable? Yes Yeah.

You may come in.

Ban/our, man cher ami.

No, no, no.
Please don't get up.

And how is my lieutenant?
Uh, bon-bon-

Fine since you came.

Then I am happy
to be here.

Will you be all right? Oh, I
will take very good care of him!

I'll be outside.

Just in case.

Well-

Oh, please, let me.
Thank you.

I thought
this would please you.

Gee.

Thanks.
And thanks for coming.

Oh, thank you!

Me? What for?

What for? Why, everyone, the whole
headquarters, we talk of nothing else.

Killing all those- And not one
of your men even wounded.

It was so
very wonderful.

Yes, but it wasn't I-- Oh,
please don't be so modest.

Gee. You're
so beautiful, Maureen.

I-l-l'm sorry.
Forgive me.

Forgive you?
For what?

Oh, oh, please.

I like to hear you say
Maureen.

Gee.
My name's Peter.

Peter.

[ Miss Gelder]
What is that?

I don't know. Have you
ever seen it before?

No, not that I--
Say, it looks almost like-

Could it be someone is trying
to send a message to you?

Who'd want to reach me?
Gosh, I can't read signals.

At Papa's trading post
we had a wireless.

Can you read that?
I will try.

B-U-T...

Q-U-l-C-K.

“But quick.“ Yes?

F-R-A-N...

C-I -S.

What does it mean?
“But quick. Francis.“

There must be trouble.
I gotta get outta here.

Going somewhere, Lieutenant?
Uh, no, no.

There are guards out there.
What am I gonna do now?

You wish to get outside? I must.
I've gotta see Francis.

That is very simple.
I will go out.

In two minutes
they will not be there.

Francis?

Francis, where are you?
Fran-

Francis!

Francis,
you're hurt!

I got here as fast as I could.
Tell me what happened.

Uh, nothing.
Don't you ever get tired?

I just wanted to tell ya-
Uh-oh, you brought company.

Peter. Oh!

Miss Gelder, I'm--

Why didn't you wait for me? I
didn't think there was time.

What were you saying,
Francis?

Who are you talking to, Peter?
Francis.

[ Stirling] Why did you send for me?
Lieutenant.

It was you who sent
the signals, wasn't it?

Well?
Say something!

Don't you realize I had to escape
from the psycho ward to get here?

I could be court-martialed
for this!

Oh, my lieutenant. Do not
excite yourself like this.

Come. Let us go back. No!
He can't do this to me.

Why did you send for me?
Come on. Start talking.

But, mon ami,
come with Maureen.

This is not good for you.
You think I'm crazy too.

I tell you,
Francis can talk!

Oh, yes!
Yes, of course!

And a very intelligent
mule he is too.

You must do
as he says.

But he hasn't said anything. Ah,
then you were too excited to hear.

He said it was all
one big mistake...

and you must go back
with Maureen and rest.

But, Maureen-- The nurse, she
will be angry with both of us.

Let us start walking.

See what you've done!
Why won't you talk?

Please, Lieutenant,
come. Let us go.

You got me into this,
you, you-

Oh, Peter, I know.
You wait right here.

I will come right back.
Wait... like a good boy.

Just one moment.
Wait, huh?

Hubba-hubba!
Quite a dame.

Oh, now that you've ruined
everything for me, you talk.

I'll have you know
Miss Gelder is no dame.

That's a matter of viewpoint.
Now maybe we can talk.

Francis, stop treating me like a child.
Remember, I'm an officer.

Remember?
Lieutenant, it haunts me.

Why did you send for me? I
got some hot information.

Oh, oh, no.
Not again.

Look, look at me. You see this?
Mm-hmm. Pajamas.

G.l. issue, I presume. Yeah, from
the psycho ward where you put me.

Still there's some credit to be had
and I thought you might just as well--

Will you please stop trying
to build me up?

A few months ago I was a perfectly
happy second lieutenant,

minding my own business,
bothering nobody.

Then I meet you...
and what happens?

I spend half my time
in the booby hatch.

Thanks but I've had enough. Maybe
now I can stay out of the hospital.

Okay. If you don't mind
gettin' yourself blown...

to kingdom come this afternoon,
I don't know why I should worry.

Are you crazy?

You're the one that's in
the psycho ward, remember?

Uh, now-now-

Now wait a minute,
Francis.

What do you mean blown to kingdom come?
That's better.

I got some hot information
that better be passed on fast.

At 4:35 this afternoon headquarters
gets it- three waves of enemy bombers.

An air raid?
But this is serious.

I hope to kiss my
Great Aunt Regret it's serious!

Remember, 4:35,
three waves of enemy bombers.

Hey, looks like the dame
went for help.

What'll I do now? They'll take
me back to the psycho ward.

Cousin, there's an old army
maneuver known as scrammin'!

Quick, behind those bushes
over there. Hurry.

If you're not right about that air
raid, I'll be kicked out of the army!

Might be a patriotic gesture.
Duck!

You sure this is the place?
Oui; l am sure.

There is the mule. But the
poor lieutenant, he is gone.

Oh, never should I have
left him, not for a moment.

So that's his talking mule, huh?
Ask him where his pal is.

Do not waste time
with this stupid thing...

while the poor lieutenant
is getting lost in the jungle.

He's probably halfway
back to camp by now.

Come then.
We must be sure.

Oh, my poor
lieutenant!

Remember,
enemy bombers at 4:35.

[imitating Giider]
Oh, my poor lieutenant.

[ Braying]

Do you realize the seriousness
of this information? Yes, sir.

Where did you get it?
Uh-

If you tell me it was
tha tjackass again, I'll-

Lieutenant, I'm in charge
of Intelligence.

You tell me our headquarters are going
to be bombed. Give me their schedule.

Then you-j ust who do you
think you're working for? You, sir.

You still can't tell me the source?
No, sir.

Lieutenant, one of us is crazy.
Yeah! Yes, sir.

Don't be impertinent, young man.
Oh, no, sir.

All right, I've got to take a chance on
your past record. I'm going to trust you.

I can't afford not to.
That's all.

Lieutenant!

Do you know the status
of a buck private?

Well, if the information you gave
me isn't right, heaven help you.

I'm gonna have you
busted so low...

you'll have to use a telescope
to look up to a buck private.

Yes, sir.

Base headquarters to engineers. Scramble!
It's a three-bell alarm.

[Air Raid Siren Wailing]

Heaven help you,
Lieutenant.

Sergeant, get those map cases
and take off!

Lieutenant,
all I can say is,

heaven help you!

Quit your griping. This is for
the duration, plus six.

Snap it up. It isn't the
heat, it's the japs!

For heaven's sake, Francis,
you're not sleeping!

Francis!

It's after 4:35.
It's after 4:35!

Yeah, usually is about
this time of day.

But nothing's happened!

I hope headquarters didn't
go to sleep on that information.

Go to sleep? We've drawn fighter
cover from every unit in Burma.

Francis-
Francis, are you-

Are you sure
of your information?

(Dh,lsuspect ifsaHl1ghL
Suspect?SuspecU

Do you know what they're
going to do to me?

I'm gonna have to use a telescope
to look up to a buck private!

Why did I ever
listen to you?

My career, it's ruined.

Dear me. Do second
lieutenants have careers?

[Airplanes Humming]

Shh.
Shh, wait a minute.

I think I hear something. And they ain't
"mosquiters"!

Francis, they're coming!
Look. Up there.

I can see 'em.
Look!

And here come
our interceptors.

[Laughing] I knew you were
right all the time, pal.

I'm so happy,
I could kiss you.

Relax, Lieutenant, I can take it
as well as the next mule,

but there's a limit
to everything.

[Chuckles]

Leuienant? Oh, no. Thank you, sir.

And as I said, this entire command will
be eternally in your debt. Eternally.

Come, come.
No more nonsense.

You must realize this has gone
beyond the joking stage. But, sir--

You know, Lieutenant, I'm really
very fond of you. Yes, sir?

And I'm old enough to be your father.
Yes, sir.

And, if it's an affaire
d'amour; eh, Lieutenant?

I could
understand that.

D'amour? Oh, no, sir.
There wasn't any girl.

Oh, no girl.

Then what in thunder's so all-fired
confidential about your source of information?

I just can't
tell you, sir.

Why? Why? Because you
wouldn't believe me.

Oh, no, no!
Not that mule again!

Yes, sir.

[Hammering]

[ Knocking]

Hello, you. Is it
our cute little mule again?

How fascinating.
Simply fas-

Lt. Humpert, hasn't anyone
come to see me?

If by anyone
you mean Miss Gelder, yes,

but Col. Plepper's orders
are “no stimulation.”

No one is permitted
to visit you except-

Except? Except who? Except
the commanding general.

The who-
Who did you say?

Lieutenant General Stevens.

Nobody can stop him
from seeing you.

The commanding general
to see me? Oh, no.

Well, there's nothing
to be afraid of.

He's just another man.

Gen. Stevens!

At ease, Lieutenant.

Sit down.
Thank you, sir.

You've been having quite a
time of it, haven't you, son?

Yes, sir.

You performed a great service,
to your country and my command.

You've also caused
terrific turmoil.

You know that,
don't you?

I'm afraid I have, sir,
but I didn't mean to.

Why, I'm sure
that you didn't.

And I think you and I can get to the
crux of the situation successfully.

Now, at every interview, you have
claimed an army mule talks to you.

Is that right?
Yes, sir.

My boy, I want you to
understand the position...

in which you place
both me and my command.

Now your actions are worthy
of the highest commendation.

But your explanation of those
actions is an affront...

to the intelligence, to the
dignity of my command.

How do you suppose this
tale of a talking mule...

would sound in a communiqué to Washington?
But it's true, sir.

Am I to understand...

you refuse to tell us
the real truth, Lieutenant?

Sir, I have told the real truth.
lt's just nobody'll believe me.

Well, I'm stumped.
Completely stumped!

You really believe a mule
talked to you, don't you?

I know it, sir.

Positively the weirdest
tale I ever heard.

West Point,
35 years in the army,

nine campaigns, seven children,
four of them in the army.

I thought I'd bumped
into everything.

But a lieutenant who insists
he knows a mule that can talk!

May- May l make
a suggestion, sir?

May you?
I insist that you do.

Well, perhaps you'd go
and have a talk with Francis.

Perhaps I'd what?

You mean you want me to meet this animal?
Well, yes, sir.

Then you could ask him if what
I've said isn't the truth, sir.

Me? Ask a mule?

Why, if I ever did such a thing,
I'd- I'd lose my command.

But talk to a mule?

Well, I should say not!

Lieutenant,
is this the animal?

Yes, sir.
Hello, Francis.

How are you today?

Francis, I-- I'd like you to
meet the commanding general.

Francis,
the commanding general.

Is something
the matter?

Sir, I'm afraid I should have
told you this before.

Francis is scared the army will
discover he can talk. What?

He was afraid they'd send him
to Officers Candidate School.

A mule? Well, that's
what he said, sir.

Well, what do we do? Well, sir, Francis
has been in the army for seven years...

and he takes great pride
in the military.

I believe if you were to give
him orders, he'd obey them.

Orders?
What sort of orders?

Well, uh, uh.

Perhaps, maybe you could
trick him into talking, sir.

Lieutenant, as an officer, I've been
required to do some mighty strange things,

but giving orders to a mule
to trick her-

Him-
It... into talking.

Well, I just wonder
what the limit is.

Attention!

Right face!

Left face!

About face!

About face!

At ease.

Attention!

Count off!

W-W-Would you
try again, sir?

One step forward.
March!

Report!

At ease.

Well, a remarkably
well-trained mule, Lieutenant.

But there's no indication
the animal can talk.

Ma)" try again, sir?

Go ahead.

Francis, you and I have been
through a lot together.

We've faced
death together.

So, for my sake,
won't you please,

please talk
to the general?

This whole thing is ridiculous.
It's inexcusable!

Some of you junior officers
are beyond me.

You're full of prunes
or prune juice.

You confuse me,
you confuse the G.l.'s,

you confuse
the whole war effort!

When I think of what you'll
do to the post-war world,

the hair I have left
stands at attention.

General,
you said a mouthful.

Just give me good junior
officers and I'll have the best-

Who said that?

It does my heart good, General,
to hear you talk that way.

Lust echoes what I've been
thinking ever since Pearl Harbor.

Lieutenant,
you're a ventriloquist!

Oh, no, sir.

Attention!

No nonsense,
this is an order.

I want direct answers
to direct questions!

Name?
Francis.

Organization?
723rd mule detachment, sir.

Serial number?
M-5-2-5-1 -9.

At ease!

Well, I'll be hanged.

I'll be double
and triple hanged.

I'll be hanged
in 72 languages.

So you can talk?
Yes, sir!

Lt. Stirling,
I owe you an apology.

We all owe you
an apology.

Yes, sir.

You, Francis, have clone a truly
magnificent job for the army.

Oh, shucks. I only tried
to do my duty as I saw it, sir.

When America hears about you, it'll
cause more furor than the war.

That's the last thing
I want, sir.

And, pardon
the presumption, sir,

it's the last thing
you should want too.

What's your point? Well,
that a three-star general...

won't get any further with those army
psychiatrists than the Lieutenant did.

They'll sing a different tune
when they hear you talk.

But they're not going to.

What? You mean you won't talk?
That's right, sir.

What if I order you to talk?
I hope you won't, sir.

But I'm
the commanding general.

And I'm a mule, sir, and I have
the right to act like one.

Francis, the one thing I won't tolerate
in my command is willful insubordination!

I'll obey any ordinary
mule order, sir, but that's all.

You'll obey any orders you're
qualified to obey, talking included!

And if I don't?
What happens to you?

Are you threatening me?

I'm merely reminding you, sir, of
what happened to the Lieutenant.

I'm perfectly aware
of what happened to the...

Lieutenant,
but I--

For the good
of the service, sir,

I suggest we forget
about this little meeting.

If you're going
to be stubborn, I--

You may have a point
at that.

At any rate, under the circumstances
you leave me no alternative.

But how am I ever gonna get out
of the psychopathic ward?

That'll be
taken care of somehow.

Come to think of it,
you may be right.

This should
go no further.

Very well, then. Are we all agreed?
Yes, sir!

Well?
Hmm?

Oh, yes, sir.

[ Knocking]

Yes?

Surprise.
Surprise, Lieutenant.

We're gonna start
another ducky new basket.

Here you are.
Oh, no, you don't.

Hasn't Col. Plepper heard
from Gen. Stevens yet?

Well, yes. In fact,
he's with the general right now.

Lieutenant, is there anything
wrong with the general?

Half the medical staff
is over there.

Oh, no.

Orders are orders, Colonel, and I
order you to discharge Lt. Stirling!

Sir, regulations
are regulations.

I can't discharge a man
in Stirling's condition!

For the 10th time, there's
nothing wrong with Stirling!

He's perfectly normal.

Normal people normally don't go around
holding conversations with mules.

Gentlemen, I was hoping
I could avoid this,

but for Lt. Stirling's
sake, you force me to-

Colonel Carmichael, in accordance
with army regulations,

you have periodically given me a
thorough physical examination?

Why, yes, sir.

You've always found my reflexes
to be normal? Yes, General.

You've found no sign of neurosis,
abnormality or mental aberration?

No, sir.
Very good!

Gentlemen,
I have news for you.

Lt. Stirling's mule
can talk.

I've talked with him, and
what's more, he's talked back!

Well, really now,
General!

Steady, Plepper.

General,
What is it, Col. Carmichael?

Nothing, sir.

I was merely trying to remember
when you had your last physical.

Get that look out
of your eye, Colonel!

You're not getting me
in any psycho ward!

I tell you Francis can talk!
Do you understand?

That mule can talk!
Yes, General.

If you say so,
that mule can talk.

That's better.

Now, gentlemen,
for obvious reasons,

no word of this should
get outside this office.

Furthermore,
I gave the mule my word.

Tell me, sir. Is it just Stirling's
mule who talks to you...

or do all mules talk,
hmm?

Excuse me, General. Put it
right over there, Sergeant.

Hooker, what the devil's
the matter with you?

W ejust made a transcription of the Tokyo
broadcast. You should hear it, sir.

Col. Carmichael, when did you
last examine Col. Hooker?

[Woman's Voice]
This is radio Tokyo...

bringing you the voice
of your Tokyo correspondent.

Good afternoon, fellows.
How's it going?

Before I give you
the news of the day,

I've picked up a little top
secret that's too good to keep.

Believe it or not, the Americans have a
talking mule in their Burma command.

Not mule talk, mind you,
but real important conversation.

He reports on japanese movements
and helps plan defense strategy.

At least, that's what
their general claims.

And a three-star general
can't be wrong.

Can he, fellows?

Well, that's
the scuttlebutt, boys.

Of course, it's just barely
possible the poor man can be-

Your guess
is as good as mine.

But it does make me wonder which
jackass would be the better general.

C'est la guerre, boys.
Nowa tune t0 cheer you up.

Turn that
blasted thing off!

It's obvious thejaps have got wind
of Stirling's hallucination...

and they have twisted it
into damaging propaganda.

Brilliant deduction, Colonel.
I suggest, General,

we issue an immediate denial
and state the real facts.

What I'd like to know is
how the news leaked out.

I'm sure Francis
didn't say anything.

Hardly, unless we share the Lieutenant's
delusions about the animal.

It's rather funny at that. Imagine
if a mule really could talk.

What do you mean, imagine? It was the
mule's idea that this be kept confidential.

[Chuckling]
Yes.

I beg your pardon, sir.

A TWX, sir.
Urgent.

Well,we're due
for a visit.

A planeload of correspondents on their way
to Kunming heard the Tokyo broadcast.

They request permission to land.
Of course you'll refuse, sir.

What, and have them think
I'm really crazy?

That mule's gonna have
to talk to the press!

Gentlemen,
with your permission.

Col. Hooker, release Stirling and
have him bring Francis here.

Here, sir?
Yes, sir.

Oh, Col. Hooker.
Yes, SW?

Tell him to...
brush him up a bit.

Yes, sir.

And if you're thinking
of starting me on a basket,

I'll have the three of you
court-martialed!

Dismissed!

What's the idea,
Lieutenant?

The-The-The
general's orders, sir.

General, Lt. Stirling
and a mule reporting, sir.

[ Stevens]
Send them in.

At ease.

What kept you,
Lieutenant?

Francis didn't want to come.
He's here under protest.

Oh, he is, huh?
Yes, sir.

He feels he's been double-crossed.
He's not going to talk.

What?

I'm sorry, Francis. An unfortunate
development, but that's war.

[Clears Throat]

Francis, I want you to meet Col. Hooker.
He's been a bit skeptical.

The G-2 men,you know.
Hard to convince.

Oh.
Speak to him.

It's a pleasure, Francis.

The general has spoken
very highly of you.

Now listen, Francis. This is
no time for personal feelings.

The morale of this
entire command is at stake.

Uh, perhaps, he should
rest a while, General.

He looks very tired. Nonsense!
He's just a stubborn m-

He's just stubborn,
that's all.

And that plane's due
any minute.

Attention!

Attention! General, please, you've
got to get hold of yourself.

Get hold of myself,
indeed!

My order's being defied by a
stupid, insubordinate jackass!

He could be shot for it.
He should be, General.

[ Hooker] It would solve
a lot of problems.

He can't do this to me.

The ungrateful, unpatriotic,
unmentionable!

Believe me, Francis, I don't know how
the japs got the news any more than you do.

Yes, there's a few questions
I'd like to ask on that subject.

If he won't talk to me,
he won't talk to you!

Oh, I wasn't going to talk
to the mule, sir. I--

Lt. Stirling.

Who did you talk to
about Francis?

Sir? Who did you talk
to about Francis?

Uh, no one, sir. That is-
Only to Mauree- Miss Gelder.

Oh, Miss Gelder? I had to prove
to her that I wasn't crazy, sir.

And I just happened to mention that
Francis had talked to the general too.

That's all
I wanted to know.

Sir, I may have the answer to everything.
I should know in a few minutes.

[Hooker] May I be excused sir?
Very well.

G-2 Intelligence. Huh!

Shoot him and we might
win this war.

My sentiments exactly.
Francis!

Francis, I knew you wouldn't
let the general down.

Keep your shirts on. The gentlemen of
the press will get no copy out of me.

Use your head, Francis.

You stand on the threshold
of fame such as few men-

Few people- Few creatures
have ever enjoyed.

Oh, I wouldn't
enjoy it, sir.

But- Now,
just picture it, Francis.

A special unit activated to handle you.
Waited on hand and foot.

Millions listening
to your every word.

One of the most revolting
sales talks I've ever heard.

Why the thought of 1t, sir; makes
me shiver right do wn t0 my tax!

Think of the opportunity!
Why, you're a nobody.

Well, it's your nobodies, sir,
who are winning this mule's war.

Francis,

I've given 35 years
of my life to the army.

And in all modesty,
up to now,

I have been considered
a pretty sound military man.

But my whole career will be
ruined today if you don't talk.

And mine will be ruined
if I do!

But, Francis, think of my family.
Uh-oh!

You've got me there, General.
I haven't got a family.

And according to all
scientific reports,

I can never acquire one.

But the answer
is still no!

And I am still the commanding
general of this theater!

I have a good mind
to horse whip you!

Easy now, General. Suppose you
raised one little finger to me.

Lust a gentle slap, mind you.
Then suppose I talked.

I can see the headlines. “Defenseless
Mule Beaten By General.”

What a story.
Why, you, you-

You're not worth
the gunpowder to blow you to-

Mess up my life,
mess up my command,

mess up the whole war effort!

You too!

Out of my sight,
both of you!

Yes, sir.
Come on, Francis.

Well, you certainly cooked our
“gooses.” Geese, Lieutenant, geese.

Get back in there, Lieutenant.
You can't leave now.

But the general's
orders, sir.

Sir, the correspondents have arrived.
They're on their way in.

Get that animal out of sight and
keep it out of sight. Yes, sir.

Sir, the correspondents
mustn't even see the mule.

Why not? Hiding him isn't
going to hide my humiliation.

But you're not going
to be humiliated...

and the correspondents
are going to get a story.

They- Behind the map board,
Lieutenant.

[ Stevens ] Stop talking
in circles, Hooker.

I'm in no mood
for guessing games.

General, Miss Gelder has been
induced to substitute.

She's ready and waiting
for the press conference.

Does that answer things
for you, sir?

Yes! Yes!

And, uh, if she doesn't make
them forget what they came for,

I don't know
war correspondents.

Very good, Colonel.

I'm afraid I've been
a bit testy.

Oh, I can well
understand, sir.

Come on.
Let's meet the press.

Lieutenant,
swing him around.

His... tail is showing!
Yes, sir.

And, Lieutenant.
Yes, sir?

Not a word out of either of you.
No, sir:

I wonder- I wonder what Maureen can
do to satisfy the correspondents.

Well, how about a fan dance?
Yeah, hey, hey.

And as you know, this is one of the
vital areas of action of this war.

The strategic situation here
is entirely dependent...

upon the uninterrupted
flow of supplies.

The airlift, as you are
aware, is definitely limited.

What about this
Tokyo broadcast?

In spite of all obstacles,
the job is being done.

General, do we get a look
at this famous mule?

How 'bout a picture? How about an
interview with this amazing mule?

Yeah, what's with this Tokyo
Rose and the talking mule?

Oh, yes, the story of the mule who's
winning the war single-handecl-

Single-footed!

What we could do with an army of such
remarkable creatures, eh, Col. Hooker?

Indeed, General, but I think we'll
muddle through without them...

despite the enemy's
ridiculous propaganda.

Much as it may spoil news
value for you, gentlemen,

I'm not quite ready
for the psychopathic ward.

But you're not going away
empty-handed.

Col. Hooker, suppose you brief the
boys on what's in store for them.

Glad to. As you know, both the
British and American armed forces...

have been operating in this theater
with complete cooperation.

British Intelligence picked up the trail
of a beautiful woman, supposedly French,

suspected of
being part...

of a network of agents
collaborating with the enemy.

She was last active
somewhere in Sumatra.

One of our patrols picked up the
supposed daughter of a Dutch trader,

also a very beautiful
young woman,

helping her papa run a trading
post in the Burma hills.

Oh, no, that's not true. Shh!

We suspect that she was the same
girl, but we have no proof

So we took a rather
ingenious young officer,

assigned him to Intelligence,
and dangled him as bait.

So that's what you were doing
in 6-2, a booby-trap.

When you see the girl, and then
take a look at Lt. Stirling,

you'll realize that her
only interest in him...

could have been for the purpose
of getting information.

We saw to it that the Lieutenant
gave her misinformation.

But, when he concocted the
fantastic story of a talking mule,

Miss Gelder
couldn't resist it,

sent it over to the enemy,
and the trap was sprung.

Well, gentlemen, there's your story.
Worth coming for?

Sure, if she looks as good
as she listens.

Bring Miss Gelder in.

Letgo of me!
Laissez-moi! Laissez-moi!

Cochons, cochons!
Pigs!

So brave, so strong,
these Americans.

Two of them
to guard one girl.

You have no evidence against me.
No evidence?

You're the only one
to whom Lt. Stirling...

told that absurd talking
mule tale, uh, story.

And that misinformation
got to Tokyo.

What proof have you got
that I sent it.

Who accuses me, anyway, that lunatic
Lieutenant? Oh, no, Maureen.

I didn't have anything to do with this.
I don't believe any of it!

Sir, this has all been
a terrible mistake.

She couldn't have done it. But you could.
And you did, didn't you?

Anyone crazy enough
to think that a mule can talk...

is crazy enough
to send messages to the enemy.

Isn't that so, Peter?

Why do you not confess?
Maureen.

Lieutenant, keep your mouth shut.
I'll handle this.

Sir, this dame's got him so goofy,
he's liable to say anything.

Silence, Francis,you'll speak
when you're spoken to!

Oh!

So you-
You can talk.

I hope to kiss a duck,
I can talk.

And now I'll tell you how she got
that information to the enemy.

You know that old Burmese temple
up the road a piece?

Well, you'll find a couple of natives
hanging around the back door.

They're her
messenger boys.

Maureen, why don't you say something?
Why don't you deny it?

Deny it? You stupid idiot.
It's all your fauit.

You- You and that
stinking mule!

Take her out. No, you cannot do this.
You have no evidence.

Laissee-moi!
Cochons! Laissez-moi! Maureen!

Thank you, Francis. I'm glad I have
at least one ackass in my command.

Gentlemen, I didn't want to deceive
you, but in the interest of-

Spy stories, they're a dime a
dozen, but a talking mule!

I still don't believe it.
It's mass hypnosis.

Sure, the whole
thing's a gag.

We're either being played for saps or we're
all going as balmy as the Lieutenant.

This thing can't talk.

A mule's the stupidest
beast in existence.

Next to correspondents.

So you geniuses
know eveything, huh?

Well, I got
some news for you.

Quote, there's a war going on,
unquote.

50 go peddle your papers.
We got some fightin' to do!

Francis!

Please remember that these gentlemen have
come thousands of miles to meet you.

If I'd have known,
I'd have baked a cake.

Francis, these men are leading
representatives of the press.

Lust goes to prove
what I've always said.

The only reliable reading
is the encyclopedia.

Francis!

What am I supposed to do, sir,
write their hogwash for 'em?

All we want
are a few statements.

Okay, shoot.

How did you
learn to talk?

A stupid question!
How'd you learn?

Why, my mother taught me. She
must've had quite a struggle.

Francis, a little courtesy.
That's an order.

Yes, sir.

Francis, how 'bout a couple of
shots of you and the general?

Well,
that's up to you, sir.

Why, certainly,
certainly.

All right, gentlemen,

shoot!

[ Hooker]
Attention!

Halt!

You understand, General, I'm
making this trip under protest.

Orders from Washington.

They're convinced
the correspondents are crazy...

and are holding the stories
until you arrive.

They've assigned six men
to you as orderlies.

You arrive in Washington
on Sunday.

From then on, you're under
direct orders of the Pentagon.

Everything's being arranged
for your comfort.

Just what I deserve for not
keeping my big mouth shut.

But think of the good
you can do.

War bond drives, speeches,
public appearances.

You'll have
a tremendous influence.

Horsefeathers!
I'm a fightin' mule.

I wouldn't be surprised
if! ran out on the whole show.

But you- you couldn't
do that, Francis.

No, I couldn't.
Then again, maybe I could.

Well, you better
get started.

Good voyage.

You know something?
I'm gonna miss you, Lieutenant.

Gee, Francis, it's only for
a couple of days though.

I'm to meet you
in Washington.

Oh, there must be something
the matter with me.

Why?

Oh, I hate to leave you.

Well, keep your
buttons shined.

Good-bye, Francis.

Yeah, so long.

Francis?
Huh?

- Take care of yourself.
- That's a hobby of mine.

Amazing.
Simply amazing!

You have your orders? Yes,
sir, 24 copies of them.

Fine. Proceed directly from the airport
to the Pentagon. Francis will be there.

You're to stay with him, reporting to Gen.
Fullbright of Morale Services.

Well, your plane leaves in a few minutes.
Good-bye, sir.

Bye.
Good-bye, sir.

[Phone Ringing] Take
good care of Francis.

I wil,sir. Hello? Good
trip, Lieutenant.

Thank you.

What?
Wait, Lieutenant, wait.

Are you sure?

Official?

All of them?

No word of him?

Yes,just as soon
as you get anything.

I'll wait.

There's been an accident.

What, sir?

The plane has crashed.

Francis crashed?

Oh, no.
What happened, sir?

We don't know.
Where?

The hills of Kentucky, just a few
minutes ago. No further details.

The crew?

All parachuted
to safety.

The mule refused
to leave the plane.

Francis!

Francis!

Sol was returned
to the United States.

I searched the wreckage
of the plane.

Francis's body wasn't there.

Then I started combing
the Kentucky countryside.

I looked everywhere, sir.
Everywhere.

And, of course,
you never found him.

What, sir? I say you
never found him.

Oh, yes, sir,
I found him.

You what?

I found him, sir.
You did?

But-but-but what
happened to him?

Well, he's living with me
at my house.

Living with you now?
Yes.

Would you like to come and meet him?
Who? Me?

♪ My bonnie lies
over the ocean ♪

♪ My bonnie lies
over the sea ♪♪

Is this the animal? Yes, sir.
This is Francis.

Wake up, fella.

I've brought our bank president, Mr.
Munroe, out to meet you.

Ah, he's heard stories, thought
I might be a little crazy,

so I want you
to put his mind at rest.

It's your mind that needs rest,
not mine, young man.

If that stupid-looking thing has a
thought in its head, let alone talks,

then I'm a jackass too!

Here we go again!