Original subtitles

COME TO MY BEDSIDE

- No! No! No, I don't want to...! - You could try.

No! I won't do it.

- Only a little suck, for fun? - No, it's unnatural!

- One reads about it every day. Just try it. - No...!

- It will become much bigger. - I won't do it!

Just try it. I'd love to suck on yours.

- You're perverted! I'm going to call mum. - Mum...

The phone is ringing, Hagbard.

Hell... women...!

You can't be forced to doing something like that! Marriage isn't a brothel.

Then you have to leave him. You'll keep the flat and everything in it.

Yes, I'll be right there, Kirsten.

I have to go to Kirsten. They're getting a divorce.

- They only just got married. What is it? - He tried to force her to ...

I refuse to say what. Hagbard, it's awful... awful!

- I'll take the car. - She ought to do what he says.

You don't understand anything!

She gave you everything, and you've taken her virtue.

Einar had her when she was 16 years old.

- Did you break her tail? - Einar probably had the pleasure of that.

- She just lays there and lets it happen. - Yes, we are respectable women.

- You men do have your rights. - And he had his too, but this morning...

Don't tell me it was in the middle of the day! That is so perverse!

I give up. I love Kirsten, but there are limits!

You'll pay her maintenance, you beast!

I'm just taking a cold beer to the Major in the garden.

Hagbard, where are you?!

A man has to stay in shape. One just sits on his ass with an office job!

- Do you regret leaving the military? - No. But the leisure time was good.

Wine, women and song. You must have really enjoyed it.

- Yes, but then I met lnger. - You were quite lucky, there!

You have a wonderful wife, too. If we weren't such good neighbors...

- Are you telling me she tempts you? - Really? That's damned interesting...!

"FLAT FOR RENT"

The restroom is there. There are hand towels and hot water.

It's everything you need - an entire flat.

There's a bath in the basement that you can use, according to the contract.

But I banned the last tenant. She ran around...

... in an indecent bathrobe. She was naked underneath!

She'd go out, with my little boy watching. She brought in visiters at night.

My boy is at a sensitive age. She advertised in the newspaper...

... that she liked to be raped. Sign here.

- Absolutely not, they'd never agree. - No, but the idea is nice to think about.

Wife swapping is quite common in America and England.

What good is all this emancipation if a man can't get a roll in the hay?

My wife will only do it in the dark. But you're much younger.

We only do it in the dark, too. lnger is so shy...

... and she finds my body to be disturbing.

Also in the dark? Hmm, that is interesting...!

Hagbard!

- Good day, Mr. Hansen! - Good day!

- Unfortunately I need to borrow my husband. - I'll be right there!

We can talk about this later. There must be a solution.

I need to talk to the neighbors, and ask them to turn down the radio.

- Hi, I'm B�rge, the new tenant. - Egon Peterson... the landlady's son.

I have to rinse off these photos in the bathtub down in the basement.

Would you like to have a beer?

- Amateur photographer? - No, I'm a professional.

I work for an electronics company. If there's something particularly exciting...

... I bring it home with me and keep working on it. Like this, for example.

- Good heavens! That looks like a cunt. - You have it upside down.

lntegrated circuit chip, DZ531. What you thought were hairs are the wires.

- I'm a saleman. I sell quartz sunlamps. - I see, you must sell quite a few.

- Are you pleased with the apartment? - Yes.

I'm getting divorced. She threw me out into the street.

With this button here you can open the curtain behind the bed...

- ... where it conceals a mirror. - Your mum didn't say anything about that!

The girl that lived here was good-looking. I thought maybe we'd...

But mum had thrown her out before anything could happen.

My mum works the night shift every other week.

- She's very protective of your little brother. - I don't have a little brother.

- He can't be exposed to certain things. - There's only me.

- Regulation military underwear. - Good.

Your wife must get used to you wearing them.

Say that they're from your time in the military, and that you feel more comfortable in them.

We need floorplans of our bedrooms. Think of it as a military operation.

- Does your wife turn on the light afterwards? - Yes.

- We turn them on with the cord on the wall. - The lamps?

May I sit here?

- What are you laughing at? - We had hoped to go out and eat in peace.

I don't wish to interfere. I'll take another table.

- No... we're for equal rights. - Men are our fellow creatures.

- Sit down. - Thanks.

I removed your bedspread. I'm working nights this week.

- I'm working at home today. - Wonderful! Don't overdo it.

Perhaps I'll spend some time with B�rge and show him my new camera.

He is very nice. He's been here a week without any problems.

- I was married for six months, but... - Your marriage must have been in trouble.

A man only marries a woman so that she'll sleep with him.

Yes, it's like holding a glass of water in front of a man who's dying of thirst.

- It's an abuse of trust. - It doesn't matter, that's behind me now.

The first man I've met who doesn't have sex on the brain.

Why don't we go to my place? It's cheaper to drink at home.

- Cheers! - Quiet. The landlady lives here,...

... and she doesn't want me to have guests. Especially not girls.

The older generation believes that everything is about sex.

They must be missing out on something.

How delightful, my girl! Congratulations.

- Kirsten got a job. - At last...!

The same thing, every night. It's been 100 years since we lost that war.

What does all this mean? "Bed" and "bedside tables"?

- Is it something to do with the military? - As a matter of fact, yes.

It's a map of a hospital ward in a camp that was attacked in 1848...

- Were there nurses back then? - Yes. Florence Nightingale...

The enemy attacks and cries: "Kill all the men, rape all the women!"

The nurses cry out: "Spare our beloved matron!"

But she says: "Quiet, girls - war is war!"

- Oh! Disgusting soldier jokes...! - You asked ...

You can joke if you like. Men always have desire, but can't always perform.

- Why did you get divorced? - She didn't want to try anything new.

- Mutual erotisicsm. - Intense mutual respect.

- Maybe she never had an orgasm? - The orgasm is overrated.

- I've never had one. - Then you should try it.

- Rita won't do it, she says it doesn't matter. - No? Are you willing to play strip poker?

- We'll see if you're really liberated. - Are you afraid to get naked?

Alright then, let's clear the table.

- I hadn't seen this until just now. - It's lovely!

The landlady said nothing about this. She probably doesn't know anything about it.

See there... I had the bad luck!

I'll take off my sport coat.

Well, that's the last of my clothes.

- The moment of truth. - You are beautiful, Lili!

Draw! Now it's just you and I, Rita.

I see, now it's my turn.

Stand up, just like Lili.

Yeah... surely you have nothing to be ashamed of?

I have an idea: Whoever draws the high card chooses what he or she wants.

- What is your desire, then? - A cup of coffee.

Coffee? Are you crazy?

- Do you want coffee, too? - No thanks, I'd like something else.

Just a cup of coffee...!

Thanks.

Now, we'll play one more time.

Do you know what I desire?

- What about you, Rita? - What do you want to do?

I'll play solitaire.

The queen goes down...

- Mum is working nights this week...! - That's great!

- Now that's what I call an orgasm! - You've never had one before?

- I came like I usually do. - Now it's my turn.

Damn! There should be a large supply in here...!

The most important thing in a night operation is silence.

I'm familiar with your bedroom now. But the problem is toothpaste.

Yes... we have to use same brand. UltraBrite? They say it makes you sexy.

- I'll buy two tubes. - But wear dark glasses and a beard.

- When can we do it? - Between midnight and one a.m.

- Okay... which day? - Wednesday. That's when you and i always meet.

But she'll only do it on a Saturday night.

Drinks before, red wine with dinner, cognac in the coffee ...

- ... and then we usually fall asleep! - So, it's to be Wednesday?

Sure, why not?

How do you do, Mr. Hansen.

- I have a new darkroom assistant for you. - Does he have any experience?

He's a woman. Here's your new boss. This is a Kirsten Sorensen.

Hi, Kirsten, I'm Egon. Come in, I'll show you the dark room.

Would you close the door, please?

It was nice of you to ask me out. It's the end to a pretty good day.

The company gives me the addresses of prospects. If the customer buys a lamp, I get the commission.

- Can I get you a drink? - Yes. But I'd rather not be left alone...

- ... in a place like this. - That was thoughtless of me.

Check it out...!

I'm so happy for the little thing I hold in my hand.

I kiss and I caresses you. Release me from my stress you...

... dear little thing in my hand.

I'm so happy for the little thing I hold in my hand.

I turn you on with a switch. You make me a wicked witch.

You turn me on in my hand.

Do you girls want to try the thing in my hand?

I know that you boys want to try the thing in my hand.

- She's wonderful, isn't she? - If she were in my bed...

... I'd cum between her legs in an instant.

... in my hand.

I can leave free my hands, because you fit in my pants.

Dear little thing. Oh, dear little thing.

Dear little thing in my hand.

- You've had lots of experience, right? - It's never enough. But I'm going to try to do...

- ... everything before it's all over. - I've never done anything.

- Shocking! I'll fix that. - You mean it?

You see that guy at the bar? It's his birthday...

... and I promised him a fuck. Are you interested?

- What are you doing with my girl? - Absolutely nothing.

- Has he embarrassed you? - He was quite polite.

- I only asked where the toilet was. - Then go take a piss! Get lost!

Do you see that guy at the bar?

Sure.

- Hi, I'm Gerda. I came over to say happy birthday. - But it's not my birthday.

I told her it's your birthday today.

Okay, now it's my turn.

- I promised him a birthday present...! - It really isn't his birthday.

- I only wanted to get you up to my flat. - You're a bit cheeky...!

I'm completely wild about you.

He might wake up. I don't want someone watching.

He won't wake up.

Liquor isn't good for sex.

It arouses desire in the beginning...

... but later...

...it inhibits one's ability.

I see you haven't had much to drink.

You haven't, either.

Good morning!

Food for the sluggard.

- Gerda, what the hell are you doing here? - I prettied the place up...

... and brought in some of my things. I intend to live here.

- Aren't you glad? - Are you crazy?!

I'll be thrown out if I have someone stays here. You have to leave...! Get...!

Don't say that. I waited until your landlady went to work.

When she returns you have to be gone ...!

- Don't talk to your little Gerda like that. - I have to go to work!

I won't come back until you're gone...!

I'm aware of that! Yes. See you soon.

Kirsten is moving back in with us. Isn't that nice?

- No, it isn't. - Why?

A grown daughter should not live at home with her parents.

- But Hagbard, she's our only child. - Yes. I need some fresh air!

Something's happened! Our daughter is moving back home. It's far too risky now!

- Give her sleeping pills. - Just so you can get into bed with my wife?!

- As will you, with my wife! - I'll need to think about this.

I'm going to the factory. Think of something!

Shit!

- Here's the sun you've been longing for. - You replied to our ad.

Now, I understand. Come in.

- The bedroom is the best place. - In here.

You set the tripod here... and then remove your clothes and get a tan.

- Don't even think about it! - There's nothing to be ashamed of.

- You can wait until I've gone. - How shall I pay? My husband will be home soon.

Just try it for a few days. Then get back to me. Here's my card.

I'll try it out, but you have to leave first.

- When is the best time to call on you? - In the mornings.

I'm sure you'll be pleased. I'll let myself out.

Would you please bring me some more paper?

What's this?

- These are awful! Where did you find them? - On the shelf.

A refined and beautiful girl like you shouldn't see things like this.

Well, you're not so refined if you took these photos! Who's the guy?

- Where did you take them? - At home. He rents there. Do you know him?

I have a dark room at home, so mistakes can happen.

- Egon, the Director wants to see you. - Okay! You can take the rest of the day off.

- Reception. - Can you give me Egon's address?

There will be a delegation from the Far East here tomorrow.

The photo of the DZ531 chip is excellent, but it needs to be enlarged even more.

- I should be able to finish it this evening. - Good. When it's ready ...

... just leave it here on my desk. I'm going home now to work on my speech.

- Here's the sun you've longed for. - Great. Please come in.

I've given the servants the rest of the day off, and my husband isn't home.

I can't find the television program. Is today Wednesday?

Here's Kirsten.

- Hi, Mum! - Hi...

Hi, father.

Haven't you organized the retreat from Dannevirk yet?

It's time for dinner.

Set the tripod here if this is where you want to disrobe and lie down.

You turn it on with this button here. Set the timer for 12 minutes.

After 14 days, you can increase the time by 5 to10 minutes.

Read the brochure carefully. You'll get the best results without clothing.

So then,...

... would you care for a drink?

Aren't you hot in all those clothes?

- You're trying to seduce me, aren't you? - Who, me?!

I need to go to my apartment this evening. I have to water the flowers ...

- ... and I can sleep over there. - But you've only just come home!

- Kirsten can do as she pleases. - Thanks, father. You understand me.

- Hagbard, aren't you going to finish your dessert? - No, I need to talk to the Colonel.

- He only thinks of his work. - She'll be gone all night.

- Let's meet in the garden to set the exact time. - Come, finish your dessert.

- Over and out, colonel! - Dessert...

I'll have dessert later.

We'll synchronize our watches now. It is exactly 19:12 hours.

- What does that mean? - Twelve minutes after seven.

At exactly 22 minutes after midnight, I'll meet you here.

- What was that? - Father has fallen down the hole!

The Hansens.

One moment. It's for you. Director Poulsen from the factory.

Director Poulsen? He's an old military friend.

Yes, it's me.

What?

- Have the arrangements been cancelled? - No, only delayed.

You have to put a bandage on your foot. Yes, Colonel, everything is still according to plan.

Do we have any elastic bandages? I twisted my foot when I got out of the car.

- In the medicine cabinet. Do you need any help? - No, I can take care of it myself.

You should exercise a little more often to avoid such things.

Come in!

You seem a bit lost. Can I give you directions?

- My husband lives here. - Is that so?

- I want to talk to him. - You're just after his money!

- Money? He's always broke! - He says he's tired of you.

- Liar...! - You're calingl me a liar?

Watch out!

All these programs tonight are equally boring. I'm going to bed.

I'll just watch the end of the news.

Terribly boring, as usual. I'm going to lie down.

Fine... I'll just watch the end of the news.

- What's your name? - Gerda.

I'm Kirsten.

My husband's coming!

Good evening, young man.

Thanks for taking such good care of my wife.

I haven't the energy for such a strenuous business, but I'll gladly watch.

I see... okay, then.

B�rge?

- Is that you, Egon? - Kirsten?

- Do you know each other? - Only with our clothes on.

We need to correct that...!

- Come help me. - Okay!

- All clear? - Yes. She's gone to bed.

We need to swap watches. They're not the same.

She's used to to being gripped by the ass with both hands.

Good luck ...!

Two... three...

... four... five... six.

Shit!

... three... four... five...

I've just fallen asleep, Hagbard. Can't this wait until Saturday?

Why are you crawling around on the floor, Hagbard? Stop with all that the military nonsense, Hagbard!

If you want it, then do it. Just hurry up.

No, Hagbard, don't pull the blankets off! I don't want to see anything.

Hagbard! What are you doing?!

What was that? My new quartz sunlamp. You've broken it!

Svend, you're raping me...!

Yes!

Oh, Svend!

Oh yes, Svend!

My mother never told me anything about this!

Yes... Hagbard!

Hagbard!

Oh, Hagbard...!

Hagbard!!

Oh...my little stallion...!

- Everything went well? - Oh yes... what a mature, wonderful woman!

- I'll thank you to leave out the details. - Were you pleased, then?

You could have told me about the sunlamp. I tipped it over, and had to grab her ...

- ... to avoid being identified. - Did she find out?

- She called me "her little stallion". - No details, please.

I must have been crazy..!

Egon, you managed it at last?

And with two girls...! Kirsten, what are you doing here?

- Enjoying life and freedom. - You can sleep with him, but...

- Is that how you speak to a lady? - Lady? She's my wife!

Your estranged wife. Come here if you want to join in.

I'm totally exhausted. I've been working all day, and just want to get some sleep.

Working? You made the rounds and screwed everyone in sight!

You slept with my one and only friend. I'm disappointed in you!

I'm not disappointed. I learned many things last night.

- Things that you never showed me! - Yes... that's because I respected you.

- And who was it that called her mother? - And who made up those stupid apologies!

- Stupid apologies? - Come, Egon, ...

One should never get involved in family disputes.

- What now? - Where's the bathroom?

We have time to before mum returns.

- Bye, B�rge. - Bye, Kirsten.

Call me if you'd like to apologize.

Apologize?

When one is the fifth wheel, it's best to leave.

- No! Stop teasing me...! - I'm just washing you.

- Is this where you develop your photos? - No, I just rinse them off down here.

- Such a filthy photo... and so close up! - I had a telephoto lens.

- It looks familar. - It should...

- That's you. - Is that my ...?!

- What are you doing? - I want the negative.

- The negative? It's at work. - Go get it ... I'll wait here!

- Mom might want to take a bath. - I'll be in your room, then.

- Let me in. I'm all soapy! - First the negative!

Can't you at least let me rinse off?

What on earth? Why are you standing outside the bathroom, covered in soap?

- I heard someone coming. - You're completely naked.

- Are you drunk? - No, mom. I came straight from work.

I needed to take a bath. I have to be at the lab by eight.

My hardworking baby! I'll go and clean up your room.

No! You must not! There's some film that will be destroyed if you enter.

- Then I'll go to bed. - Sleep well, mom.

- May I rinse off now? - First the negative!

You need some eggs after that powerful performance.

Fried eggs today?

Yes... I thought you might need them.

- It was wonderful! - It was?

You were so masculine and rough.

Until now, you've always been so considerate of me.

- It was glorious. You just took me! - I'm glad you enjoyed it.

- Surely that won't be the last time? - Yes... No... Of course not!

Hagbard, I want to talk to you about something.

We haven't talked much about sex. We're both self-conscious.

- Is something wrong? - No, quite the opposite.

What you did last night, you've never done before. It was so ... delicious.

It seemed to me as if you'd become a new man. When will you be doing that again?

- A large sirloin and a bottle of wine. - I'll hurry home, for your sake.

You'll hurry home, yes? We'll have the house to ourselves tonight.

Of course... my darling.

- If you can, with your injured foot. - It's much better now.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a magnification of the DZ531 chip.

- What did he say? - That the picture shows...

- ... the female sexual organ. - What?!

- It is a cunt! - A what? Oh?!

I'm afraid I mixed up the negatives. But I have the real microprocessor here.

You've ruined everything! You're fired!

- Are they outraged? - No, they're enthusiastic about the idea...

...and they want to have both pictures! They think Denmark has a progressive culture.

- This will generate about a million orders! - Stop, don't leave...!

I'll double your salary, triple your salary, if only you'll stay!

- Oh, you're here early! - I was able to get a little sleep last night.

- Thanks for coming in. - Happy to do it.

I need you to create a duplicate negative. Some woman wants it.

- Will it take long? - You need to leave?

Yes, I have to go home and have a talk with B�rge.

Ah... making up? It will revitalize your love!

Hello, is this the barracks? It's Svend Hansen. Is Major H.P.M. Sorensen there?

Yes, it's highly classified. You don't know? No, I can only speak with him!

No, that's alright.

Of course not. Goodbye...

What did he do to her?

- I saw it first. - I got to it first.

No, I don't think so... Is that you, Mrs. Hansen?

Hello, Mrs. Sorenson. We almost quarrelled, ...

... because I promised my husband a steak. He injured his right foot.

No! My husband injured his left one.

Strange, isn't it?

I'll find him another just as good. You keep that one.

- Tou take it. - No, no, no!

Do we always need to eat the same cut of meat just because we're neighbors?

Here's another one just like it ...!

Wake up, B�rge, it's quite late. I brought some food for you.

You can't live here, Gerda. Leave!

At least you never said that to your wife.

- Is that you, Kirsten? - Yes... are you sorry it's me?

On the contrary ...!

- I've learned a lot, recently. - So I heard, Egon was very complimentary.

Yeah, I tried a lot of new things, but something seemed to be missing.

I miss you. I was pretty jealous yesterday.

- Probably because I love you. - Really?

- Now eat... - Then we'll go home to our apartment.

- Yours, actually. And if it doesn't work out? - Then I'll pack up again.

I haven't unpacked yet.

Here you go, this is the negative.

- Thank you, Egon. - What have you done here ...?

- I intend to stay with you. - I'd like that.

Aren't you afraid of your mother?

- No, I decide things for myself now. - Oh yeah?

- But it won't work. My room is too small. - Then we'll move downstairs.

- It will too crowded. - B�rge has moved back home with his wife.

I can afford a whole suite of rooms now!

Whore! Right before my very eyes! Stop that! Cease moving immediately!

- Egon?! - Mom? I'm adult now...

- ... so you'll have to get used to it. - And just who is this woman?

- My fianc�e. - I'm Gerda Loraine. Your fianc�e?

- Yes, if you'll agree. - Yes!

Then God bless you, my dear children. Can't you stop that for just a moment?

Keep still until I've blessed you!

- Can I help you? - You're already dressed for me?

- Wait for me in the bedroom. - Yes, darling.

I'll just go to the bathroom.

Svend, are you coming soon?

Yes...!

- What are you doing? - Just like last night...

Hagbard, you devil!

- What is it? - Kirsten must have dropped this.

- That's our son-in-law. - Do you think that's Kirsten?

I haven't seen her like that since I changed her diapers.

- It looks like what you did to me last night. - What?

Only in reverse, I think.

- So, are we going to jump into bed? - I need to know how Kirsten is doing.

- If you don't want to, Kirsten, then ... - I think we both like it!

- Ignore the phone. - It might be something important.

- Hello... has something happened, Mum? - What's going on with you?

B�rge is moving back in with me. We're so happy.

That's good! I was a bit shocked that he wanted to.

But you should never be afraid to try something new. Have you two eaten?

No, we were just about to.

- We have loads of leftovers, so... - Thanks, mum, but we have plenty to eat.

It all sounds wonderful, my little girl. Has he called on you yet?

Yes... B�rge!

B�rge... B�rge... B�rge

- You sound so distracted. - B�rge, I'm cumming ...!

Hello?

Hello?

Oh my God, she must be submitting to her husband!

- That's better. Much better than last night. - Yes...!

No, Hagbard! Crawl across the floor and up under the blanket like last night.

Oh, my stallion...!