Original subtitles

Where do you stand on Obama's birth certificate?

He's from one of the shit-hole countries.

You cannot run for the Senate in the middle of

this, little twat hippie cashier business.

You got to get that cock sucker back in line. I don't

care how you do it!

I will make it priority one.

I've just been thinking about your father, I'm worried about him.

Why don't you just text him like a normal person.

This is more a face-to-face.

What kinda sick sex freaky shit is this?

I'm Jocelyn King, I've been working here with Chester.

He doesn't need any work, he just wants to get laid.

Not the only reason Claire!

You need to leave now.

You need to leave now.

- Now, you need to leave! - Do not threaten me!

You can't kidnap my Chester!

Fuck you Deborah!

[jazz music]

I have never been violent but this woman makes me want to

spit.

She's captivated my Chester.

Bitches.

I know! What am I gonna do?

What goes around comes around.

Come on Laurel, you don't think Claire has got a right?

I'm just saying negative actions have consequences.

Scary stuff, karma.

Fuck karma.

Blow up her mail box.

-Fuck Deborah. -Claire's revenge!

Yoohoo!

Are you pretty little girls having fun without little

ole' me?

Oh thank God.

We are just plotting with Claire over here, about Deborah-

Hang on, I got some ideas.

We could rig the airbags in her car so they explode

when she is sitting at a stop light.

Flatten her hippie ass tits in a New York minute!

No no no, maybe a little poison in her food, on the door knob.

I tell you what girls in 48 hours she's gonna be looking

like an extra on the 'Walking Dead.'

Oh now girls, I'd never do that-

And tell you about it.

Claire, darling, don't you worry. I'm gonna take care of

little twat. I promise.

Thank you, Suzanne.

-Go team Claire -Go team Claire

[Claire] Oh, Jesus, take the wheel!

Thanks for picking us up my little latin compatrio-toto.

[Suzanne] Thank you!

Oh Lord.

I wish I could decide what to do to that horrible creature.

You know, in my country, if we wanted to send a message,

we leave a flaming bag of Ka-Ka on their door step.

Well good God Almighty, Jesus has spoken.

That is genius, as if Don Jr. spoke himself.

Where did you get him?

Hey listen amigo! If you need any help with ICE you call me!

I'm a citzen.

Well they are gonna deport your ass anyway, stupid!

Now listen, we need a bag and we need some matches.

Oh, you're not serious.

Well, as a heart attack.

We're doing it!

Get a move on, Jesus!

Jesus, go shit in this bag.

Are you sure about this?

I've never been more certain of anything in my life, go!

Okay.

Are you sure you don't want me to do it?

Oh Suzanne, that's ridiculous. What do you think I pay him for?

I'm only thinking about you.

[Claire] What do you mean?

[Suzanne] Plausible deniability, protecting my candidate.

I mean, it would be remiss of me to let my candidate be in -

Oh, hell who am I kidding? I live for this, honey.

I knew it! I knew it!

I can't squeeze one out.

Squeeze harder!

I'm trying!

Try harder!

Maybe we should give him some menudo to help things along.

Aw hell, give me that bag.

No! No, Suzanne! No, no, no.

Give it to me. I will do it.

I will do it myself.

I want to do it!

Get back here! No give me that!

Give me that, I cannot permit that, Suzanne.

Give me that bag!

[Claire] No it's my revenge, my shit!

It don't matter whose shit it is!

It matters! Shit matters!

Suzanne?

Oh my God, what have I done?

Congrats, you just knocked out one of the most powerful women

in American politics over a-

Shut up!

She is gonna love you when she wakes up, hope your

passport is current.

Okay, I'm going to kill you just shut the fuck up.

Should we take her to the hospital?

Yeah!

Or straight to the morgue?

I have some cousins that can take care of this for a price!

Okay, get out of the way I'm doing it myself.

How's it going back there?

This is the best crap I ever took.

Looks wonderful.

Look away!

[Ears ringing]

Ahh, ohhh...

Oh, yeah, that's not so bad.

You're gonna be okay,

You're gonna be okay.

Good morning sunshine.

Don't be a wise ass, nobody likes a cocky tweaker.

Well, not to toot my own horn but, I've got 90 days.

Oh, 90 days.

That's longer than my first marriage.

Good for you.

Your Mom would be so proud.

Thanks. I feel amazing.

We should celebrate.

Do you have any weed?

I'm just kidding.

I'll just make a mimosa.

Um, okay, well later! Got to roll.

Hey, I really am proud of you. I respect what you're doing.

There's like a... You're just different.

You're a scrappy little bitch I love that about you.

Claire.

What?

Oh, God.

You have bad breath.

Yeah, off you go.

[Bird chirping]

Hey Blue,

Hey baby,

[Bird chirping]

How's my guy?

[Bird chirping]

Hi, hey.

Oh, there you are! Jesus, what is that smell?

What happened to you?

What?

You look like Obama just got re-elected.

I feel great, I was just about to go for a little run.

Yeah, it's 10am on a Tuesday, lady.

Wait you don't know?

What?

Oh my God,

you need to go upstairs and deal with your life.

I don't have the words right now.

Oh, okay Miss Thing, who made you the principal?

Dad, Dad is here. He's home.

Oh that's great! Why are you so upset?

Go go, maybe run through the sprinklers.

Okay, okay.

Okay I'm gonna go.

And deal with your life.

I feel so sorry for you, lady.

I'm gonna be fine in a couple of day's-hours.

[Hippie Music]

Chester?

Chester?

What are you doing in here?

I can't believe you're home. Yay!

Sweetheart, thank God you're home.

What the hell is she doing here?

Claire, take it easy.

Take it easy? She is wearing my robe!

So nice.

No no no, not the bed.

I tried to wake you dear but you were unconscious

You were out cold

We thought you were dead.

We did! Why did we think that?

Why is that funny?

Oh my God, her too?

Hey Claire! Sorry to intrude, love the bathroom.

Claire, give it a chance, hear me out.

I want you out.

Hey wait a minute, what is this cleaned with? Is this organic

detergent? Because-

We had no where else to go.

Because you know my skin is so sensitive, I can't put anything-

I'm sure it's fine. Claire, it's all organic stuff in the towels

right? Nothing but the best?

How the fuck do I know what's in the towels, I want you

out now.

-So angry. -So closed.

Maybe she needs a gummy bear.

-Look Claire-- -You know, stop right there

Do not come near me, do not.

Okay, maybe we can help each other?

I don't need any help.

Remember, build bridges not fences.

I like my fences, and my walls and everything eles that keeps

you people away from me.

Okay, okay look, Maybe we're all here for a reason.

Maybe somthing magical is going to happen.

Oh yeah, you're fucking right something magical is

gonna happen.

Okay that's good.

I'm gonna go get my gun.

Claire, wait!

Didn't you hear?

Hear what?

Wait a minute, does she really have a gun?

Yeah, one or two.

No, more.

More than 20?

Oh yeah, way more.

Hear what?

What happened last night

I'm surprised the helicopters didn't wake you up.

You must have been really fucked up, Claire.

Maybe you were having one of your blackouts.

Yeah, we barely made it out.

Uh, out of where?

Deborah and Jocelyn's house.

What a blaze, two stations, wow.

-I lost everything. -She lost everything.

It was horrible.

Don't worry, there's security footage, they'll find the

little pyro.

And they're lucky none of the other houses got it. All those

embers flying around.

We are so blessed.

We are lucky, come here.

So blessed.

Mouthing: Fire? Fuck!

Claire? Is that you?

Suzanne, first just let me say that I'm so sorry about last night,

for punching you in the nose and for not-

Oh now hold on.

Nothing wrong with a little blood bonding.

Hell, girls can do it just as well as men can.

So true.

Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did.

In heels.

And backwards.

And better.

True artistry.

One thing though, Claire,

Ow!

I demand a rematch!

I realized after that hook,

You're gonna make one kick-ass, big balled,

shove it up where the sun don't shine, voice of the people.

Does my heart good.

Oh Suzanne, that is so sweet.

I wish it were true.

Oh, it will be I promise.

Now I know, there are a lot of challenges ahead, and

well, I can be a bit of a nail driver. And remember I do

demand loyalty to me, me, me.

That's what makes you so good.

Well, I want to be good.

I wan't to be your friend, Claire.

Truly.

Oh Suzanne, you are my friend.

Losing a husband is a lonely matter.

And you have been right there for me.

Good.

Now tell your friend what's really the matter.

Well,

you know how you mentioned the idea of a fixer?

Are you talking about Ivan? What happened?

Well the good news is Chester is home.

Oh that is good news. Good girl. Mission accomplished.

What's the bad news?

We burnt the hippie's house down.

Oops.

Oops.

♪