Original subtitles

I've decided to take the pain that poor Chester must be

feeling and turn it into something productive.

What's productive for you? Burning down a Mosque?

No!

I've decided to enter politics,

and tonight at Susan's-Suzanne's fundraiser I will make my

announcment.

Oh, no, no meat Chester.

We kill animals and then we eat them because we are unconscious.

You want to be conscious don't you?

Can I be conscious and eat a Jumbo Jack?

Just one little bite, come on.

Oh! Oh!

[samba music]

[Suzanne] Hmm, are you alright?

Mostly.

I'm feeling angry and bitter. And I don't want to become that.

It's bad for my skin.

When I divorced Robert, I decided it was finally time for

me me me.

I went on safari, look!

I bagged a few Rhinos, deeply satisfying.

Have you thought about going on an excursion?

That does sound rejuvenating.

I do need a real distraction, a new direction, a new

beginning.

Well, you could do anything!

Maybe it's time for you to get back out there. Oh!

I, for one, would love to see that.

Actually Suzanne, I've been thinking,

and I need your opinion.

Well of course you do.

It's a disgrace what is happening to this country.

Don't get me started.

Even Chester found himself helping the homeless.

That's terrible.

It's enabling.

Oh, they just use money for drugs.

Kills their spirit!

I could have that cock sucker hurt. You just say the word.

He is the father of my children.

Small matter, sweet revenge.

Thinking of something a little more in the other direction,

a little something in the public space.

Put the law degree to work finally.

Are you thinking of running?

Your endorsement would mean everything.

Everything.

It would be so huge.

Huge!

Well, sweetheart...

running?

Well...

It's great, right?

Let me think about it. Hi! Hi!

What did you say her name was?

[Claire] Deborah

Wait, wait, is she the one with that weird, oily, fresh turned

dirt smell?

Disgusting, disgusting.

Little twat better watch her ass.

Now since we are being honest,

Wait, are we?

Chester didn't have it, right ladies? You know what I mean.

He didn't have it!

You my dear,

you are a wild cheetah!

You're gonna be just fine. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Plenty of fish!

Here's to fish.

You can count on us for anything We are there for you.

[Laurel] Absolutely

Now, it's funny you should say that because I believe Claire

has a little something to say?

Oh, yes. Well,

I am considering something and I'd love your opinion.

Oh come on, do tell.

What is it?

I'm considering, running for office!

Wow.

Why don't you just go on a long cruise or somthing?

Yes! take me with you!

Vacation! Roadtrip! Roadtrip girls!

Lets go!

I'm serious girls!

I want to...

I want to give back.

Whoa!

We got this.

What do you think?

My friends forever MUH!

[Laurel] To the Mayor!

Yoohoo, everybody yoohoo.

Oh, I'd like your attention.

Oh good.

I had a little birdy just whisper in my ear.

Some wonderful news, praise Jesus.

We have made our fundraising goal!

Now I know I know you understand the only way to keep our sweet

babies safe, is to arm our blessed teachers. With a mother

fucking gun!

Oh! let's sing a song!

Here honey, catch!

♪ And I'm glad to be an American ♪

♪ Cuz at least I know I'm free. ♪

♪ And I won't forget the men who died who gave his ♪

♪ Life for me, and I gladly stand up next to you ♪

♪ to defend her still today right? ♪

♪ Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land, like you ♪

♪ Like you, like you, oh, God bless the U.S.A! ♪

Oh praise Jesus!

Oh!

♪ It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. ♪

You are terrible.

No no no, here. Look.

A Chink, a Wop, a Jew, a Krout, a Mick, a Raghead,

and an African American walk into the White House.

Are you kidding me? The White House? No way!

You haven't even heard the joke yet!

Oh my god, there's more?!

Well it's not gonna get any better.

Oh my god, thank you.

Did I over hear you say you're planning on running for office?

Yes!

Well, I think that is a wonderful idea.

Oh well, thank you.

Yes.

Do you know that I happen to have run a campaign or two in my time?

-No. -Oh yeah.

Wow.

Do you have a campaign manager?

I do not.

You need a campaign manager.

Yes I-

You should have a campaign manager from the start.

Set priorities, get you talking points.

-Right. -Understand your goals.

Okay, well maybe the stars are lining up here!

I think they are lining up, I can see them clearly.

Call me the big dipper!

Dipper!

Keep the 'big' part on, that's really the selling point.

Uh, Tony.

Claire.

Well, hello Claire.

Nice to meet you, Tony.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

It's the wind, the cobwebs.

We just have to do this every week.

Lupita,

you're legal right?

Of course, I'm from Canada.

That's what I thought.

[Door bell rings]

And this is regarding?

Claire's expecting us.

[Clicks tongue]

Claire, running a campaign is like starting a small business.

You need people around you to support.

This is Jessica, she will be the head of PR.

I'm so excited about working with you.

I'm seriously thinking about having you do some damage

on the conservative talk show circut. Public access,

Podcasts.

This is James, he'll help build your message.

He's written for Ted and Marco.

Oh, hold your horses, I just want to be sure we all

support the NRA here, yes?

Yes!

This is Ryan, he will tranform your image.

Personal stylist to the stars.

Jackie Oh, my god, look at you, lucky me.

Oh, you!

And this is Jessica, she will be your social media maven.

Looking forward to working with you and expanding your

brand ma'am. Instagram, Twitter I like planning hashtags.

Okay come on, everybody up.

Okay.

Wait, two Jessicas? Okay, you're Thing One and you're

Thing Two, T1 and T2, that's Dr. Seuss.

Who?

Okay, welcome to all of you.

I think it's time for our conservative family values

for God and country to really take root. You know, roots,

in the ground.

They hold things together.

Nourishing the plants and making them strong.

Root, root, root, root,

MAGA!

Alright Claire, we have your first to-do appearance

this weekend, we are gonna have you attend a rally

downtown.

Downtown? That's skid row. The place is lousy with MS13.

They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists.

And I suppose some of them are good people.

What do you say?

I'll have Jesus check my schedule.

Come on, let's get some drinks!

♪