Original subtitles

You may recognize me. I'm Josie Hart, and I'm a model.

Recognize me now?

That was my famous centerfold picture for Casanova magazine.

Being named Hart, you can guess which month I was.

That smiling gentleman over there is Charles Boone.

He's the publisher of Casanova.

He's been very instrumental in helping my career.

My fans know me as more than just a model.

Modeling is how I work my way through graduate school.

Now, I have a PhD in psychology, and professionally I'm known as Dr.

Josie Hart.

Being a psychologist named Hart, then you can understand why Charles asked me

to write Casanova Magazine's advice column.

The affairs of the Hart column has been a phenomenon for both Casanova and me.

When I'm standing in a crowd, I always see your face in other strangers.

As they walk on by, I want to cry out loud.

You drive me crazy with your royal attitude.

And you say it's alright.

Well, it's alright.

a loving touch oh it's all right when it's all right

i never thought i could want to this much and it's one

chance in a lifetime that we could be together

to tell you but you say i'm getting much too close

and then you put a face on like an angel with the

devil's smile you're missing everything how could you

just ignore the way i feel and you say it's all

right well it's

I'm now on my way to New York to shoot a calendar.

And no, I'm not missing February this year.

Should I go through again? I don't think so, miss. I think we're going to have to

do a personal search.

Is this really necessary?

More than you'd think.

Well, I guess you're not carrying any concealed weapons.

I guess not.

Josie. Josie.

Josie. Please, please. Sure, sure.

What's your name? Sal.

Sal?

John. John.

Hi, John. Hi.

There you go. I need my cast, too. Etchy?

Etchy.

There you go. Thanks a lot. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. You been doing any TV

work? Yeah, I started an exhibition.

Oh, great. I'll make sure to watch it. Hi, Cindy. Thank you. Cindy. God, I wish

I had a career like yours.

Well, you can. You're a beautiful girl. Thank you.

Maria. Maria.

Sorry, miss, but I'm going to have to hand search you.

Hey, hey, hey.

What do you think you're doing?

My job.

Oh, okay.

Yo, Joseph.

Joseph.

You signed my body.

Did I sign your body?

All right. All right.

Thank you so much. Well, let's do it.

Oh, man, it's better than a tattoo.

But it feels better. Oh, yeah, I'm never going to wash this off my body.

Yeah, thanks.

You're welcome.

All right, check this.

Dr. Hart? How would you like your chest signed to?

I'm afraid my chest is only big enough to sign the X on.

Well, then I can sign a piece of paper if you'd like. I really don't want an

autograph. All I wanted to say was thank you.

Thank you? For what?

See, I wrote to you for some advice.

She has always been the woman of my dreams.

lustrous hair, full kissable lips, breasts so perfect they must have taken

God's breath away when he created them.

But my dreams are the only place my dream girl has ever been, except for

that one night.

You going to the graduation dance or what?

Yeah. Good.

We need a spoon head for the fudge. Have a nice trip.

See you next fall.

You're a pig.

You look like a nice guy, unlike some guys around here.

Dance with me.

I'm talking to you.

Come on. Let's dance.

Look at this. Will you look at this?

I can't. I'm going to kill this guy. I'm going to kill this guy.

Get off me, man.

You're such a good dancer.

And you know what they say about good dancers?

What?

They're even better than us.

Why don't we go somewhere where we can be alone?

scared hmm oh yes

you're a man

close

your eyes and i'll give you a surprise

Are your eyes closed?

Here's your surprise.

What should I do, Dr. Hart?

I really want to go to the ten-year reunion.

The chance to gaze upon her beauty one more time is almost worth the

humiliation.

I know she'll be there.

She's reunion chairperson and sent me a personal letter begging me to come.

Is it another set-up?

Ten years have passed, but I'm afraid she'll still think I'm a geek.

Dr. Hart, should I go?

Signed, Confused geek.

Dear geek, no need to be confused.

Go to your reunion.

A lot may have happened to her in ten years.

She may have even grown fat and ugly. But if she has sent you a personal note,

the chances are she's been regretting her actions ever since that night, not

looking to set you up for another practical joke.

Take the chance. It's the only way the girl of your dreams can ever become a

real night of fantasy.

I'm glad you came.

I'm not sure why I did.

Oh, I didn't expect you to show up, geek.

I was specially invited.

What sort of friends you got there?

He's getting geeks, huh, Ros? Leave him alone, both of you. Leave him alone? Oh!

Have a nice trip. See you next fall.

You know, you guys haven't changed in ten years.

No, no, yeah.

assholes then and your assholes now.

The hell's her problem?

She obviously has not been getting enough.

But I am just the man to give it to her. Go get it, Tiger.

Please don't go because of Dan. Why not? You've had your laughs.

That's why you invited me.

I invited you so I can apologize for what I did to you at the graduation

dance.

What happened in there just now was those jerks' fault.

I had nothing to do with it.

Please. Don't go.

At least not without me.

What is it that you want? Strip me down to my underwear again?

Yes.

I knew it.

I don't believe what I am seeing.

Yo, geek.

Get your hands off of my girl.

I haven't been your girl in ten years.

And I'll never be your girl. If you were the last man on earth, I'd...

i date women yeah well sure sure you would but you know i date women too

We're all alone here.

No one got here before us to jump out and say surprise?

You know, ever since that night, I felt awful about playing that joke on you.

You have?

Yes, I have.

I'm not the same person I was ten years ago.

And you're even more beautiful today.

I don't know about that.

But I am older and wiser.

I still don't understand why you wanted to even come back here.

Because I know what it's like to be hurt.

Who ever hurt you?

I mean, no one ever picks on someone who looks like you.

Looks are deceiving.

I was married to a man just like those idiots at the dance.

I spent five years putting up with his caveman attitudes about women.

It's men like that that are the real geeks.

Men like you.

who are sensitive and intelligent or sexy.

Men like you know the proper way to treat a lady.

We do?

Have you ever been married?

Married? I've hardly even had a date.

I find that hard to believe.

You're a very handsome man.

Is that right?

Take the chance. It's the only way the girl of your dreams can ever become a

real night of fantasy.

Dr. Hart, I can't believe this is happening.

What? I said, I can't believe this is happening.

Your advice changed my life, Dr. Hart. Thanks. I'm really glad to hear that.

Thanks again.

You're welcome.

Okay, give me a profile.

Yeah,

okay.

That's right.

Okay, shoot that arrow right at me. Right at me.

Beautiful. Give me a kiss.

Yeah. Close.

A little bit up in the air.

That's it.

Yeah, okay.

Give me a real touch.

She's on her way.

Oh, great.

Like you really want it.

Beautiful. Great.

Do you have any advice for me, Dr. Holmes?

Get lost.

That wasn't exactly the advice that I had in mind.

But I'm sure it's advice you often get.

P.S. Air, flight number 16 has been delayed due to weather conditions in New

York. Our new departure time is only five.

Um, personal search.

Oh, sorry, lady. Um, friends.

We're sorry for the delay, Dr. Hart. Would you care for some champagne?

Sure, thank you.

Will we be leaving at 11 or will there be another delay?

I'm sure this will be the last delay.

Thanks.

Delays can be boring.

Especially when there's no one interesting to talk to.

Well, I guess that's why I'm not bored, you see.

I've found someone who is very, very interesting to talk to.

Are you trying to tell me something?

Only those same two little words get lost.

But I am lost.

I'm lost in the beauty of your eyes.

Excuse me.

Dr. Hart.

You don't give up, do you?

Not when what I'm after is worth going for.

I'm like a hunter, trying to capture beautiful and elusive game.

Well, I'm sorry, buddy, but you don't have the right ammunition.

Because it's going to take more than BBs and a pea shooter to bag me.

Would that I had Cupid's arrow to strike you in the heart.

Then, my lady, maybe you'd have the love for me like I have for you.

You must be from Iowa, right?

Because those have got to be the corniest lines I have ever heard.

Do any of your lines ever work?

I didn't think so.

Like old Willie Shakespeare said, Methinks the woman doth protest too

much.

Don't fight it, Dr. Hart.

I know you're attracted to me.

Opposites do attract.

And since everyone already knows that I'm a winner, I guess we all know what

that makes you.

Excuse me, dear.

I'm sorry, lady. I didn't mean you. I meant that conceited jerk over there.

You look just like that lady on television. Yeah, what's her name?

Yeah, Robin Bird.

That's because I am.

You

know,

nothing infuriates me more than a man who thinks he's God's gift to women.

Oh, he is a handsome devil, isn't he?

It's nice to see love at first sight.

Yeah, right.

You look more beautiful than ever.

And you look like as big a jerk as ever.

You know, most women find me irresistible.

I'm not like most women.

No, Dr. Hart, you're definitely not like most women.

I know who you are, but you don't know who I am yet.

Don't know, don't care.

Well, it's good to know you're not after me for my fame and fortune.

I'm not after you for anything except a little peace and quiet.

Josie, I know your reputation almost as well as I know my own.

We're hot for each other.

Stewardess, I'll have some more champagne, and this time I will pour.

That should cool you off.

P.S. Air, flight number 16 to New York is now ready for boarding.

You're only making me hotter.

He had it coming.

And I don't want to talk about it either.

All I'm going to do is put this on, go to sleep, and think of nothing between

takeoff and landing.

Especially nothing. I'm a seated jerk.

Will you wake me up when we get to New York, please?

Uh-huh. Thank you.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Would you mind trading seats with me, please? Not at all. I'll do everything I

can to help true love run smooth.

Thank you.

seat belts are securely fastened and your seat backs are in an upright

position ready for takeoff.

Also make sure all of your carry-on luggage is safely stowed beneath the

seat in front of you or in the overhead compartment.

Thank you. Please prepare for takeoff.

Oh, like you really... Oh, you're having... You want me to kiss you. Come

on, come on.

Ask me, come on.

And bend over. Yeah, give me that.

Good, all right, good.

Now, uh... Yeah, bend over again. Close... Yeah, really.

Look down at... Yeah, and chest out a little bit. Yeah.

Yeah, like that.

You know... You are amazing.

How can you sleep through takeoffs?

Takeoffs in London scare the hell out of me. You know, I've probably flown a

thousand times. Do you mind?

I'm trying to sleep.

I'm sorry, but I thought maybe you'd like a little champagne.

It might help you sleep.

No, thanks.

Stewardess. Yes, Dr. Hart? This man is in the wrong seat.

May I see your ticket, please?

No, this is his correct seat. Well, then I'm in the wrong seat because I refuse

to sit next to him.

I'm very sorry, Dr. Hart, but as you can see, there are no other seats available.

This flight is sold out.

Lighten up, Dr. Hart.

I think you need a prescription for a sense of humor.

Are you saying I don't have a sense of humor?

You're looking pretty uptight to me.

Do you know what it's like being me?

Do you know how many times I get hit on?

That's the price you have to pay for fame and beauty.

Wait a minute.

I know who you are.

You're that famous baseball player.

The one that hits all the home runs.

Well, this time you struck out.

You can give advice, Dr. Hart.

But can you take it?

What is there, a game of musical chairs going on here?

I'd like to give you some advice from years of experience.

You know what they say about free advice.

It costs too much.

Then pay me. I was going to give you this advice anyway.

Don't be so high and mighty.

That's it?

And don't judge a book by its cover.

That's not advice. That's a fortune cookie.

Good night.

Dr. Hart, I hope in your dreams you don't let a good man get away.

Welcome to New York, Dr. Hart.

I'm Paul from American Dream Limousine.

Mr. Boone here said I should take you right over to the chute because they

already started.

Okay, bend a little forward.

Yeah, right.

Give me a little bit of a profile.

Turn away from me a little bit.

Your body.

That's right. Okay, keep the right back.

Beautiful.

Yeah, water those flowers.

Okay.

Miss May, you'll make more than just the flowers, bro. That's right.

I want to thank you, Dr. Hart.

For changing my life.

Have you really been helping people?

You can give advice, Dr. Hart, but can you take it?

Dear Dr.

Hart, I have a great job that brings me in contact with many exciting customers.

Some are famous celebrities.

Others are unknown, but very rich.

Unfortunately, I don't get the chance to talk to them since my company has a

strict policy against fraternizing with the customers.

And that's where my problem lies.

Once a week for the past three months, I have been specially requested by the

same customer.

He never says a word to me.

Instead, he writes the destination down on a piece of paper.

Each time, it's a different destination and a different woman. And each time,

I'm instructed by note to drive wherever I feel like going. The only rule is, I'm

not allowed to make any stops.

I've never seen anything like this before.

A hot tub in a car.

Does it work?

All in good time.

We have to work our way to it.

Oh.

Definitely heading in the right direction.

Each evening is the same.

He and his date end up in the hot tub.

And every time he lowers the partition so that I'm forced to see and hear

everything.

Dr. Hart, I am so turned on by this scene.

I fantasize about being the woman in the hot tub.

I never really understood the word before, but now I truly know what

obsession is.

The man never says a word to me.

In fact...

He acts as if I didn't exist.

Except when he wants an audience.

If I seduce him, I will probably lose the best job I've ever had.

Dr. Hart, should I risk everything for one night of obsession and lust?

Signed, an obsessed but stalled driver.

Dear stalled, remember the squeaky wheel always gets the grease.

If you really want them, it's time to squeak. Take it from Dr. Hart, a night

of lust is always worth the risk.

Hello? Hello?

Damn, the line went dead.

I'm sorry for the delay, but I'm not quite sure what the problem is. It looks

like something with a transmission.

I called another limo to pick me up.

Oh, the phone back here works?

I'm sorry.

I just realized that in the past few months, those are the first words you've

ever said to me.

Well, I guess there's nothing else I can do but just wait for the other limo.

I really love a glass of champagne.

I haven't offered.

Well, in case you do, you know my answer.

Such a mess.

But the hot tub looks really warm and inviting.

You know, in the past three months, you've been putting on a show for me.

Star.

Star.

I knew not talking to you was driving you wild.

I knew this night would come.

It's all been part of my game.

Well, tonight there are no rules.

Dear

Dr.

Hart, I followed your advice of risking everything for a night of lust.

I lost my job when my boss found me with the client.

But you were right.

Was it ever worth it?

I'm no longer a limo driver.

Now I'm a customer.

And the wife of the man I had lusted over for three months.

Thank you, Josie. Your advice changed my life.

Hello?

Charles, relax. I'm on my way.

Well, hurry up, Josie.

You know you make my ears beautiful.

Great. Oh, yes, that's it.

Dear Dr. Hart, you might say my girlfriend and I have a volatile

relationship. Of course, that's also like saying living on a fall line is a

little shaky.

We fight all the time, mostly it's because of my jealousy.

But as they say, it's not the fighting, it's the making up.

When we're on speaking terms, our sex life is incredible.

And when we're not, my bed might as well be in Siberia.

Hmm.

I told you not to bother coming back here.

Go away.

I never want to see you again.

Excuse me?

Who is it?

It's a delivery, ma'am. Yeah, right.

Don't try to disguise your voice.

This is my real voice.

Oh, I'm sorry. Come in.

Anyplace special you want these?

If those are from who I think they are, you can throw them in the garbage.

Is there a card?

No, ma'am.

Here's a tip for your troubles, but I don't want the flowers.

You could give them to your girlfriend.

Oh, I can't do that.

Oh, it'll get you in trouble with your boss?

No, it'll get me in trouble with my girlfriend.

You see, if I give her flowers like this, she'll be convinced I did

something wrong and I haven't.

At least not this week.

At least not yet.

Just put them on the floor.

You're not going to get off that easily.

But, Dr. Hart, I now need your advice.

This last fight might be the end of our relationship.

I love her, and I will do anything to keep her.

What should I do?

Now what? If you think you can just hand me some flowers and walk in here like

nothing's happened, you've got another thing coming.

There must be some mistake.

No, this is the right address.

I'm here to present you with a very special dinner.

I'm not hungry, and I want no part of a dinner paid for by my ex-boyfriend.

He said.

It was your favorite.

Oh, peanut butter and bananas and marshmallow fluff.

No, he's not getting away with this by trying to make up with fluffernutter

sandwiches.

Shall I take them away, madam?

Yes.

No, just leave them here. There's no sense in wasting good food.

Thank you.

They're great.

The best way to overcome the green-eyed monster of jealousy is charm and humor.

Remember the good times you've shared together and keep the good times coming.

If you love her and make her happy, then you have no reason to be jealous.

You should have quit while you're ahead.

The fluffernutters almost worked.

Ah, bonjour, mademoiselle. Here is the dessert.

Unless there's a male dancer with a really hot body inside that cake, you

could take it out right now.

You know there is a surprise filling.

Prize. I'm sorry. You're sorry, all right. You're the sorriest sight I've

ever seen.

Can't we kiss and make up? I promise I'll get over my jealousy.

It's just that I love you so much.

How do I know I can trust you? How can I be sure that every time I talk to a man,

you're not going to act like a jerk and punch the guy out?

We can work out our problems. I know we can.

Communication has always been one of the two strongest points of our

relationship.

And you know what the other strongest point is.

Beautiful. Want to see some time?

Love it. Great.

Beautiful.

Great.

Yeah. Take the hat off.

Yeah. Get rid of that.

Yeah. Hold that.

Yeah. Hold it like that. Hold it. Good jacket like that. Great.

Great. Okay.

Now come on. You got to show me a little excitement, the swirl glory.

That's it.

Okay, come back to me.

Yeah, hold back the hair.

All right, hold it up.

Jersey should be here by now.

Yeah, well, we're only up to July. We still have time.

Okay, why don't you lose the jacket?

Yeah.

Hold that.

Looks like there's quite a bit of traffic this morning, Dr. Hart.

If you'd like, I could give Mr. Boone a call.

I'll let him know we'll be about, oh, say, half an hour late.

No, that's okay. I love to keep Charles on his toes.

Anyway, he knows I'm worth the wait.

Worth the wait?

You're worth your weight in gold.

Now, I'm not just saying that because you're so sexy and beautiful, Dr. Hyde.

I'm saying that because you're so smart, too.

You know, your advice saved my sister's marriage.

It did?

How? You remember Itchy?

From Punxsutawney.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Ah, come on. You don't got to pretend, Dr. Hart. I know you must get lots and

lots of letters.

Well, anyway, my sister wrote to you.

Dear Dr. Hart, I've been married for seven years.

Until recently, I would have written happily married.

But I fear my husband is scratching his seven-year itch. He works late at the

office almost every night and often comes home after I'm already asleep.

Honey, what's staying home tonight?

Camp. You know, it's bowling night.

Boys are depending on me.

Don't wait up.

And the worst part, Josie, is that our love life has become as dull as a love

boat rerun.

I wasn't very experienced when I got married. To be honest, I was a virgin.

Do you think he's grown tired of me and found an adventurous woman who really

knows how to satisfy him?

What can I do, Dr. Hart?

I really love him and I don't want to lose him.

Signed, Itchy and Puxatawney and Scratching Back.

That was your sister?

I do remember that letter.

And what I told her.

Dear Itchy, don't do anything rash.

If your husband has given you no reason to distrust him for seven years, give

him the benefit of the doubt.

These A.B. Lambden outfits are great.

But the best way to keep him is to let him have an affair. An affair with you.

Become the woman you've always wanted to be.

Rather than the woman everyone expects you to be, be sexy and adventurous.

Ooh, this'll get him.

Hey, what's the holdup on dinner?

What took you so long?

I was making sure the pasta was al dente.

Al who?

Al Dente.

To the mouth.

What's got me to you? Wiggling around like a Mexican jumping bean.

Why don't you stay home tonight and we can wiggle around together?

You know Wednesday's poker night.

And why are you talking funny like that?

You want to bring me some cheese?

This is the last shot. If I can't get his passion back tonight, I give up.

I knew it. She's

finally gone nuts.

Have you lost your mind? I've lost my mind.

you what's gotten into you it's not what's gotten into me it's what's gone

out of you it's something i never allowed myself to have passion

well

whatever it is let's keep it going oh let's keep it

going for the rest of our lives

You know, before my sister wrote that letter, I was sure her and her husband

were heading right for divorce.

Now, they're the happiest couple I know.

What about you?

Aren't you happily married?

Me?

I'm happily single.

No offense, Dr. Hart, but this is one guy who doesn't need your help.

Well, maybe there is something dear Dr.

Hart can help me with.

Not that it's... Haven't been a problem, and I've never had any complaints.

Are you coming on to me?

If the shoe fits.

Sorry, the shoe's nice looking, but it's not quite my style.

Come on, move it, Mac. We ain't got all day here.

You know, I do have a question for you, Dr. Hart.

I turned down your come on. We can still be friends. Call me Josie.

Okay, okay, Josie.

Josie. What's the hottest letter you ever got?

That's a good question, and one I'm asked a lot.

So what's the answer? Come on, give me the scoop. I want the dirt, the juice.

What's the hottest letter you ever got?

The hottest letter.

The hottest letter.

It wasn't a letter asking for advice.

It was a letter from a businessman.

He traveled a lot, and he wrote me to tell me about something that happened on

a business trip.

I'm a salesman who travels quite a bit, and I've had my share of interesting

sexual encounters and experiences, but never any like this.

It was like she was reading my mind.

Although, to be honest, what was on my mind was pretty obvious.

I am so hot

So hot.

I hope I'm not disturbing you.

Not the way you think.

Besides, I'm just filling out some boring sales reports.

What do you sell?

Breasts.

You know what? Turkey breasts, chicken breasts.

I'm a food wholesaler.

My kind of man. I have a huge appetite.

I just love working up an appetite.

Um, could you help me?

I'm willing to die trying.

I always have problems untying my bikini knot.

Could you do it for me?

Thank you, God.

It's hard, isn't it, to untie the knot?

Very hard.

Work rate.

Well, I'll let you get back to work and I won't disturb you anymore.

Disturb me all you want.

Would you come and join me?

Okay.

Come in and join me. The father's great.

Take me on the horse.

Yes, yes, yes, yeah!

Wow.

That really was a hot story.

It was so hot you overheated the car.

But Josie, tell me, do you really think that's a true story?

I don't know, but sometimes fantasy is the deepest truth of all.

Take me on yours.

Excellent. You definitely look like the girl most likely to.

Come, Tony.

Yeah, that's it.

Wait a little bit.

Ah, you.

Now I'm getting concerned.

You definitely should have been here by now.

Already up to September.

Again, forward.

Dear Dr.

Hart, I need your advice.

My best friend has suggested that my wife and I join his wife and him on

vacation. While Dick and I get along like brothers, and Jane and Karen also

get along real well, the problem is between Karen and myself.

Smokey the Bear.

Not. Hey,

guys, what do you think?

Let's go camping.

Great idea.

I mean, I love the outdoors, and getting back to nature, it's really exciting.

Since when do you like getting back to nature? She sees a spider, and she

starts screaming like Godzilla's crashed through the roof.

So I don't like spiders. Yeah, or snakes, or bears, or wolves. Forget

about camping. Hey, I know about this cottage at the lake.

It's a great place. It's secluded, and the price is real reasonable.

A guy at work told me about it.

Sounds great. What do you think, Tom?

I think I need another beer.

You want something? Yeah.

What are we going to do?

Well, they're going to be suspicious if we're both against vacationing together.

We're going to have to go home.

We'll somehow forget about that night.

What should we do, Dr. Hart?

Both Karen and I are afraid if we're together for a week, we won't be able to

keep our hands off each other.

I'm married, but, Dr.

Hart, I've never really been able to get Karen out of my mind.

Signed, Lusting in my heart.

Dear Lusty, marriage is a commitment.

And just how committed are you?

Nowhere in your letter did you say that you were happily married.

But if you and Karen do love your mates... then do everything you can to

keep away from one another.

But that night you shared sure sounds hot.

This is it.

That's what I was afraid of. It's quaint, isn't it? This is much bigger

than a tent.

It would be fine.

It's just one room. How are the four of us gonna fit in one room?

Dick, there's gotta be a motel close by.

Even the Bates Motel is better than this place.

The closest motel is probably 20 miles away.

Karen, you're gonna love it here.

Look, Tom, isn't this a great view of the lake?

Yeah, great.

Great.

Dick, I have one small question.

Where the hell are we supposed to sleep?

You said there were beds?

Sleeping bags are like beds.

Kind of.

Vic, is this supposed to be our second honeymoon?

We have no privacy.

Relax. I got the privacy angle. I'll figure it out.

Okay, it doesn't look very even. Tom, move it up a little bit. A little bit

more.

Perfect. Don't you agree, Karen?

Yeah, sure.

This is great. Now we have two rooms.

This is so exciting. This is like the old Clark Gable movie. It happened one

night.

There's not much privacy.

They'll be able to hear everything I do.

So what?

You have something kinky in mind you don't want them to know about?

Well, I don't know how kinky they are.

But I do have some things in mind.

One more day, Tom, and we're home free.

You ever think Dick suspected anything about us?

Never.

What about Jane?

No way.

We just had a great idea.

Jane says she really does want to go camping.

What? And I know this spot not far from here.

We can take our sleeping bags, spend the last night here in the woods.

Forget about camping. I've grown used to this place.

Yeah, I agree with Ken. I don't want to go camping tonight or any other night

for that matter.

Then why don't the two of you stay here?

Jane and I will go camping.

No way.

What's the matter, Tom? You're acting like you don't trust us.

Of course I trust you, but we're on vacation.

And it's our last night. We should spend it together.

Tom. It's right. Why don't we all stay here?

Why don't you and Tom stay here if you don't want to go? But Jane and I really

want to go.

Beautiful. Lean forward.

Yeah.

Good.

Great.

Beautiful. Lean forward.

Do you think they're trying to get rid of us?

What are you saying? That they're having an affair?

I wonder.

Although Dick does like camping, and a lot more than I do.

Yeah, Jane's talked about going camping before.

I'm the one more afraid of spiders and snakes.

We have nothing to worry about.

Yeah, they never cheat on us.

What about us, though?

There is no us.

Your lips say no, but your eyes say yes.

Then I'll close my eyes and you'll read my lips.

I'd rather kiss your lips.

Why are you making this situation so much more difficult than it needs to be?

Karen, you turn me on.

You've always turned me on.

You always will turn me on.

Tom, let go of my hand.

Stop.

Stop.

What am I doing?

You're right.

Let's just forget about that night.

You love Dick. I love Jane.

I need a cold shower.

Too bad this dump doesn't have running water.

Do you

think

we were too obvious?

No longer matters does it?

Besides, all they both care about are their careers.

You're not going to back out, are you?

No.

We'll tell them in the morning we both want a divorce.

So the two of us can be together.

Karen.

Karen, are you asleep?

I was.

Leave me alone.

I can't sleep.

You can't sleep.

I keep getting this feeling that they're messing around behind our backs.

That's guilt.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Good night, Karen.

I have waited all week for us to be alone.

But how are we going to tell them about us?

We'll find the words.

Tom, are you awake?

Huh?

You can't sleep.

Did you try counting sheep?

No, I'm really thinking that maybe Dick and Jane are having an affair.

Let's go find them.

What, you mean spy on them? No!

I mean, yeah.

Yes, I do.

like rational adults rational i'm not rational right now tom i can't believe

you're taking this so lightly that was your wife he was throwing karen don't

get mad get even don't you see this is our chance

we're the ones who belong together

Of course, even I sometimes make mistakes.

You know, take me to the convention center.

But we're already late for the photo shoot.

Why would you want to go to the convention center? There's a baseball

card convention.

A baseball card convention?

What, you like baseball?

Not really, but there's a certain home run hitter.

I'd like to give another shot at that.

Yeah, but what about Mr. Boone?

I'll handle Charles. You just get me to the convention center.

All right.

You're the boss.

Okay, real sexy.

Yeah, that's it.

Yeah,

good, good.

Yeah.

We are running on a tight schedule.

Josie.

All right, real

sexy. Yeah, give me a little pump.

Good.

now take down your strap get your hair back and take down your stripe and now

that's something to give thanks for yeah beautiful beautiful take down the other

one beautiful great now yeah get up and

as if you were about to shoot a turkey or something oh yeah about to take a

shot good good

Hi, Rupert. You are? John. Hi, John. You're a great blitz side man.

Thank you. I think, uh, I think I got one. Thank you, John. Sure.

Hey,

I don't know. Sure.

You are? Bill. Bill.

Trade me. I don't know. I'm hoping not because I like, I like plenty of you

guys. It's great.

Thank you very much.

My favorite player. Thank you.

Y'all were my favorite fans.

I don't remember ever using this particular banning stance.

So, what brings you here?

Well, I looked at the instant replay.

You didn't strike out.

You only hit a foul ball.

Charles, darling, I'm here.

Hi. Thank you.

Put

that

hair back.

This will be the best calendar yet.

Put the hair back. Yeah, that's it.

Josie, you are the best way to end the year.

Merry Christmas, Charles.

And a hot New Year's fall.

Great, yeah.

Look at the camera, Tina.

Great. Yeah, put this hair back.

Yeah.

Are we almost through, Charles?

I have a sleigh to catch, and there's a certain reindeer I don't want to keep

waiting.

And delays can be boring.

Not when there's someone interesting to talk to.

I guess I had that coming, didn't I?

Will you have something coming too?

Oh, no more champagne.

Oh, don't worry about it. It's time I let you do more.

I'm sorry for coming on so strong and acting like such a jerk.

You weren't a jerk.

You're just a very determined man.

Well, you're right.

That's what's gotten me where I am.

And I know that you're a very determined woman, which is what's gotten you where

you are.

So where are we?

The mile high.

Why not?

Because there's people on this airplane.

I don't believe it. Believe what?

That you are not a member of the Mile High Club.

The Mile High Club?

Yeah, you know, people who've made love in airplanes are mile high.

Making love in public has never been one of my biggest turn-offs.

You're right.

Affairs of the heart, Colin, for Casanova.

You're one of the most famous centerfold girls of all time.

I would think you would find everything eternal.

Not everything, but Dr.

Hart does have some advice for you.

And what's that?

Let's make love.

And when I'm standing in a crowd, I always see your face in other

strangers.

As they walk on by, I want to cry out loud.

You drive me crazy with your royal attitude.

And you say it's all right.

Well, it's.

all right think you need a loving touch oh

it's all right when it's all right i never

thought i could one do this much and it's one chance in a

lifetime that we could be together

This affair of the heart is burning for a long, long

time.

You know I tried to tell you, but you say I'm

getting much too close.

Then you put a face on like an angel.

With the devil's smile, you're missing everything.

How could you just ignore the way I feel?

And you say it's all right.

i never thought i could one chance