Original subtitles

GREG THOMEY: [TV] Yes, ignore that deficit!

Come, be part of the Jerry Boyle team.

Come, be part of the Jerry Boyle momentum.

Ignoring the deficit together.

ADULT MARK (V.O.): They say comedy is tragedy plus time.

In Newfoundland, we had plenty of both.

POP: See, now, that there...

that�s comedy.

Now, that�s what you should be doing, Mark!

Something with an edge.

You could stick it to the arseholes in power.

Make a difference.

-You think so, Pop?

-Oh, I know so.

The news today is so depressing.

The only thing you can do is just laugh at it.

-The Premier�s approval ratings are at an all-time low,

with some within his own party calling for him to step down.

-Case in point. -[clicks remote]

PREMIER: [TV] Some are calling for my resignation.

But it�s simply not backupable!

The last crowd sold the shop!

It�s not my fault the arse is out of �er!

It�s the crowd in Ottawa.

-[mimicking Premier] They sold the shop!

It�s simply not backupable!

The arse is out of �er,

and I�m just the man to put it back!

If anyone can make an arse of it, it�s me.

-Yes, now!

That�s what I�m talking about!

Ha-ha!

[front door closes]

-Hey, Mom, do you, uh, have that suitcase?

-Right here, all ready for ya.

So, must be gettin� serious if you�re

heading to Ontario to see Amanda.

-I don�t know, Mom, she�s been away to school

for like a year and a half now,

and we talk on the phone all the time.

And I just haven�t really felt this way about anyone before.

You like her, right?

-She�s lovely.

-All right.

You call me as soon as you land, you hear me?

-Yes, ma�am.

[poignant music]

[phone ringing]

[Mary sighs]

-Mary! Who�s calling the house at this ungodly hour?

-I�m not a G.D. mind-reader!

Critch residence. How you do?

Oh, it�s so nice to hear from you.

Yes, we would love to get together.

-[in a whisper] No, no!

-Well, we will see you then.

-[in a whisper] No! No!

-Oh! Goodbye.

-Who was that? -That was Ellie.

The Premier�s wife.

-What the hell did she want?

-She invited us to afternoon tea with her and her husband

at the Confederation Building.

-Tea? With the Premier?

-And his wife!

-There has to be a reason.

-Why can�t I be the reason?

Ellie and I really hit it off in Ottawa!

We had a lovely time!

-Mary, I can�t be socializing with the Premier, all right?

I�m writing a story about him. I need to maintain a distance.

We�re not going.

-Oh, yes, we are.

And I�ll need a new dress.

-[scoffs] A new dress?

-A new dress.

-Well, I need an Aspirin.

And a TUMS.

-Night, Pop. -Yeah.

[clicking remote]

Oh, God, I can�t get this clicker to click.

It�s never worked properly, this thing.

-It�s okay, Pop.

ADULT MARK (V.O.): It was just a remote,

but I knew it meant more.

Pop was slipping, piece by piece,

and it tore at my heart.

-Wait, wait...

Will you wake me up on your way to school?

Uh, it�s my alarm clock. I...

I can�t seem to get that to work either.

-But... why?

Where are you going?

-A wake.

-Hm. Anyone I know?

-Yes.

Newfoundland.

I mean, the fishery�s gone under,

and the government, they�re dead on their feet,

blind to the mess right in front of �em.

-Another protest?

-Not really a protest. It�s...

it�s more of a peaceful sit-in.

-Pop, you can�t go alone.

Not anymore.

-Look, I�m not a child.

Don�t tell your parents.

-Okay. I won�t.

But I�m going with you.

-Don�t you have school?

-Didn�t you say there�s no better education

than seeing history take place in front of your own eyes?

-Did I?

Yeah...

I think I did.

Good to see that you�ve been listening!

ADULT MARK (V.O.): Pop had watched over me my whole life.

Now, it was my turn to watch over him.

-You need a ride to the Premier�s tea party, Mike?

-Gee...

Keep it down, will ya, Dick? I gotta be careful.

-Careful? What for?

-Reliable sources told me there�s a scandal brewing

in the Premier�s office.

-Oh, yes, b�y... What about?

-Something to do with a big contract that wasn�t tendered.

If it�s true, this could be the final blow

to the Premier�s hold on power.

But don�t be telling anybody about it

until I get it all sorted. I shouldn�t even have told you.

-�Course, my b�y! Won�t tell a soul.

-Hey, Mike, heard about your tea with the Premier.

-Not another soul.

-Ah, well, sir, I could cancel that.

I mean, it is during working hours-

-Oh, no, no, no. In fact, take the day.

But listen, you gotta do me a favour.

Put in a good word for me.

I got a piece of land I need the province to rezone.

Now, I donated top dollar to that arsehole�s campaign;

I can�t get my foot in the door!

So, I would appreciate it if you propped it open for me.

-Well, sir, you know, I don�t think it�d be approp-

-Keep up the good work!

-Don�t worry about me, Mike. I don�t want nothin�.

-He�s the Premier, Dick.

Not Santy Claus.

MIKE JR: This place... it�s just so big.

-I�m just glad you had a chance to see it.

It�s hard to believe I�m graduating soon.

-Then you�ll be back home.

-Mike...

I have a job offer.

-Back home? That�s great!

-No, here. In Ottawa.

It�s a copywriting position, but in a year or two,

I could be on air. It�s not much, but it�s a start.

-Y-yeah.

Geez, I-I...

I guess I just thought you�d come back

and work at the station.

-As what?

Logo girl?

Mike...

There just aren�t any slots at VOCM.

But this new job, it could lead to serious journalism.

-Yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Serious is, uh... it�s great.

[poignant music]

?

-[sighs] -This is a story.

-This is tea, and we are guests.

Please, Mike, just put your press pass away for once, hmm?

[drum thumping]

[drum thumping]

POP: Ah, hi.

Here.

-What�s with the black bands, Pop?

-We�re in mourning for the fishery.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

This won�t do. Where�s the Premier�s face?

-Oh, it�s perfect.

He doesn�t have the guts to face us.

CROWD: Yeah!

-Ha-ha! Ah, I like that.

Symbolic.

All right, boys.

On three. One, two, three.

[drum thumping slowly]

-What�s going on here?

-What does it look like?

The government killed the fishery.

We�re here to bury the bones.

-Yeah, well, you�re not takin� that in here.

[drum continues thumping]

ADULT MARK (V.O.): At first, I thought I was only there

to watch over Pop, but standing in that line,

shoulder to shoulder, I felt it:

the weight of history and my place in it.

Now I just had to keep from ending up in the casket myself.

[drum thumping slowly]

-[straining]

Splinter, splinter.

-All right, all right. Stop the bloody drumming.

All right, let �er down. Nice and easy.

MARK: [in a whisper] Pop!

Mom and Dad are here!

POP: Impossible.

MARK: I�m supposed to be at school.

-Get down, b�y.

-Okay...

MARK: Oh, Jesus. That was too close.

[sighs] Okay, made your point.

Let�s go home, Pop.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa. We�re not leaving.

This is a sit-in.

At my age, that�s my favourite part.

Now, sit!

All right, everyone.

[Fisherman playing Jim Payne�s "Empty Nets" on guitar]

-? But it�s empty nets ?

? That�s what he gets ?

? When you�re out on the water ?

? No time for regrets ?

? Those empty nets ?

? That�s what he gets ?

? How�s a poor fisherman ?

? To pay off his debts ?

? When he goes out each morning ?

? To haul empty nets ?

?

? You can blame it on foreigners ?

? Blame it on feds ?

[camera shutter clicking]

? Cast all the blame on each other instead ?

? But when all�s said and done... ?

ADULT MARK (V.O.): For once, I was avoiding the spotlight.

PREMIER: We�ve been meaning to do this ever since Ottawa.

Haven�t we, Ellie?

-Absolutely!

And we had such a lovely time together, didn�t we?

-Oh! -And I gave your husband

that wonderful exclusive.

Remember? Meech Lake.

-Of course I remember. You were so kind.

PREMIER: You were the first to report

that I was walking out on talks with Quebec.

We both come off lookin� pretty good.

About time we had some good news for a change, I figures.

-Yeah, that was a big one for us.

I notice there�s a bit of a story

brewing downstairs today.

It looked like a fisheries protest?

PREMIER: Ah, let�s put politics aside.

Nothing better than a feed of sandwiches

and a good mug up.

Or does a cup of tea count as a bribe, Mike?

[laughter]

[Mary clears throat]

[playing "I�se the B�y" on instruments]

[crowd clapping to beat]

?

-So, now we�re having a party?

-No, it�s not a party.

This is an Irish wake.

We gotta give her a proper send-off!

?

GUARD: All right!

You�re making too much of a racket!

You all have to leave.

-The Premier needs to see this!

-He�s not in the building!

-Liar!

I happen to know my son is meeting with him as we speak!

[crowd exclaiming and muttering]

-[sputtering]

To give him a piece of his mind!

CROWD: Yeah!

-Yeah! We want the Premier!

-Okay, everybody calm down!

CROWD: [chanting] We want the Premier!

GUARD: Easy, easy, boys. Take it down a notch, guys.

CROWD: [chanting] We want the Premier!

ADULT MARK (V.O.): We�d gone from a wake

to a kitchen party to a circus...

and Pop was the ringleader.

CROWD: [chanting] We want the Premier!

-Mike, I�ve always admired your journalistic integrity.

Not something I can say about many in your field these days.

-Oh, why, thank you, Premier.

-There�s something I�d like to show you in the other room.

-[sighs] Yeah.

CROWD: [chanting] We want the Premier!

-Yes, well, give us a chance to catch up, eh, Mary?

And, um...

MARY: Oh!

It�s a little early for that, isn�t it?

-Well, it�s 5 o�clock somewhere. [chuckles]

-5:30 in Newfoundland.

ELLIE: Oh! [chuckles]

MARY: Oh my!

-A little bit more? -Ooh, whoa-

-Okay, there. [chuckles]

[lounge-style music]

?

MIKE JR: There�s nothin� like this back home.

You know, the coffee definitely beats the VOCM stuff.

-[laughs]

-Look, Amanda, if you�re gonna stay in Ottawa...

maybe I should stay with you.

Yeah. I�ll get a job.

I mean, I�m sure there�s gotta be a radio station

or somethin�, right?

-[chuckles]

That�s sweet...

But is that what you want?

-You�re what I want.

Or...

you�re who I want.

Yeah. It sounds...

[both laugh]

-I just wanna be where you are.

And this time apart has really made me realize that.

If... that�s what you want.

[Fisherman playing Jim Payne�s "Empty Nets" on guitar]

FISHERMAN: ? How can they feed multitudes ?

? On fishes so small ?

? How can they feed families ?

? On no fish at all ?

? Get down on your knees ?

? For a miracle call ?

? We�ll stick it for as long ?

? As we�re able ?

-That song really sums it all up.

It really says something.

FISHERMAN: ? When you�re out on the water, no time... ?

-You know, if you�ve got a voice,

you may as well use it to say something worth hearing.

-? How�s a poor fisherman ?

? To pay off his debts ?

-You could do that.

FISHERMAN: ? When he goes out each morning to haul... ?

-Well, I�m...

I�m a comedian.

I wish I could write a joke the way he writes a song.

You know, one that matters.

-Plenty around here to take the piss out of.

I mean, God knows we could use a good laugh.

Hmm, look who it isn�t.

Well, we�ve certainly got their attention now.

MARK: What do you say? Head home?

Price is Right is on soon.

-I hate that show.

FISHERMAN: ? May bankers and loan boards ?

? Not stand in your way ?

ADULT MARK (V.O.): You didn�t need to be a meteorologist

to see there was a storm on the horizon.

-? �Deed I am in love with you ?

? Out all night in the foggy dew ?

? �Deed I am in love with you ?

? Mussels in the corner ?

? Ask a townie for a smoke ?

? He will say his pipe is broke ?

? Ask a bayman for a chew ?

? He will bite it off for you ?

You know, Mike, they calls me the singing Premier.

-Well, to be honest, sir,

I�ve never heard you referred to as that.

-[chuckles]

Well, you know, I�m the first Premier ever elected

who could play the accordion.

There must be a story in that.

-That�s very impressive, sir.

�Cause I�ve heard you�re sniffin� around about a story.

-Well, to be honest, I had heard tell of a contract

that didn�t go to tender...?

-[sighs]

Here�s the truth of it, Mike.

My brother-in-law has a little sign company.

He�s stunned, but he�s family.

So, he got the Soiree contract.

A few ol� buttons and puttin� logos on hats.

That kind of thing. Small potatoes.

-Well, you can buy a lot of potatoes

with a million dollars, Premier.

-But we�re gettin� a lot of buttons for that!

Good ones, too!

Here...

Have a button.

Mike...

Chasing gossip is beneath you.

What if you came here to work in my office?

Comms Director.

Help fix things before they get all twisted.

[phone ringing]

-It never stops.

I said hold me calls!

A coffin?

Clear the room!

-Everything all right, Premier?

-Yes, good as gold, Mike, yup.

ELLIE: So, I hear you are working for tourism.

-Just part-time. -Oh.

-We�re gearing up for the big Soiree celebration next summer.

-Oh!

Well, it doesn�t have to be part-time.

I know some people who could make it full-time, easy!

-Really? -Mm-hm!

-We have to cut this short.

-Oh no, we were just getting started!

-We gotta leave now.

-Oh... -Oh, dear.

Oh... Well.

-[indistinct]

ELLIE: It was lovely seeing you again.

-Thank you so much.

[tense, intriguing music]

-[clears throat]

[crowd clamouring]

-Pop.

We need to go, now.

-Where�s the Premier? Let him speak!

Let the coward show his face!

-We�re gonna get arrested!

-Hold the line! -[crowd clamouring]

-Come on. [chanting] We want the Premier!

CROWD: [chanting] We want the Premier!

We want the Premier! We want the Premier!

ADULT MARK (V.O.): You can either watch history unfold

from the sidelines, or you can be a part of it.

-Everyone needs to clear the lobby!

Now!

-You�re a sellout, Butt!

And your uncle�s a fisherman! Shame!

Don�t...

-That�s it!

MARK: [on mic] Your attention, please!

[crowd calms]

Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies for the delay.

I�ve been very busy hiding from you.

[laughter]

MARK: I�m in the business of, uh...

avoiding responsibility,

and I think I�m doing a damn fine job!

I knows you crowd are worried about this "job security."

Well, I promise you, there�s nothing to worry about.

I got my job, and that�s all that matters!

I think that�s enough said about that!

-He�s a funny fella, Pat. He don�t take after Mike.

-That�s �cause he takes after me.

[applause]

ADULT MARK (V.O.): It�s impossible to be angry

and laugh at the same time.

That day, I learned that laughter

is the closest distance between any two groups.

-I think I got a job offer.

-Well, that figures. -Why? What�s goin� on?

-They offered me one too.

They want me to kill the story.

MARK: I promise to get to the bottom of this.

Who better to get to the bottom, �cause I can�t sink any lower!

[laughter]

MARK: And I promise you a full inquiry into myself!

Well, how can I look into myself, you ask?

Well, ha! Well, that�s easy!

�Cause I was born with my head up my arse!

[laughter]

-Who the hell is that?

-That�s our son. -[applause below]

[Mary chuckles]

-Some people, they say I�m two-faced.

Well, huh... they�re right!

I got two faces!

One here...

and one there!

[crowd jeering and booing]

-Well, I think we�re gonna dodge on.

Thanks for the tea.

MARK: Give it up for the Premier.

-Mary. -[applause below]

-So, that�s that, huh?

-Probably for the best.

Would have been nice, though.

-This is nicer.

C�mon, let�s go get Pop and Mark.

We got some yellin� to do.

-Sorry, Pop, I... should have checked in with you first.

-Ah, nonsense.

Not only did you do an impression...

you made one.

[chuckles]

ADULT MARK (V.O.): Sometimes you can say the unsayable

with a joke, because sometimes the funniest joke is the truth.

Even in our darkest days, we still find ways to laugh.

NEWS ANCHOR: [TV] The Premier announced today

that the federal government will extend fishery workers�

financial supports for another 10 weeks.

Union reps say it�s not much, but it�s a help.

-I guess we showed �em.

ADULT MARK (V.O.): No matter how scary something is,

you take away its power when you laugh at it.

MIKE JR: What?

-I had a message from Mr. Bartlett.

He offered me a job at VOCM.

-Oh, that... that�s amazing!

-Head of the news department.

-But that�s Dad�s job.

No. Uh... Congratulations!

ADULT MARK (V.O.): Where there�s laughter,

there�s still hope.

MIKE SR: The Premier says he will not be seeking

a third term.

He will step aside, putting a button on a long career

in the public service.

ADULT MARK (V.O.): But he who laughs last...

GREG THOMEY: [TV] Fair?

Look, I�m not talking about fair!

I work for Unemployment Canada!

ADULT MARK (V.O.): There�s no controlling

the things you can�t control.

All you can do is laugh.

-[laughs]

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