Original subtitles

Miss Cleo, if you please.

Miss Cleo is a tea.

Cleopatra.

Cleopatra,

that's her name.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, gentlemen, please, please, gentlemen.

I have 10 dinars bid for this fine piece of woman flesh.

You are here 12.

12? 13.

Aha, a man of hot blood, I see.

But he's stealing her from the rest of you.

15 dinars.

15? Mark Anthony bids 15.

He could have all the women of Rome for nothing.

They fall at his feet.

Are you going to let him buy them from you as well?

I bid 20.

25.

25. The gentleman must have a good reason for going that high.

Will anyone top him?

Here, my lord.

You better hope that somebody outbids you.

25 the first time.

You'll have needed the best physician in Rome if you drag that tart home to your

wife. 25, the second time.

May I suggest that I lay with her until you break the news to your wife, Julia?

Rumor has it that you've already laid my wife.

Do you want every woman of Rome?

It's a lie, my lord.

25, going.

Going.

I beat Sadie.

So the senator Marcellus he thinks his age is too much and I fear she will kill

him But a better way to die I know not

Bring

up the Norris beauty

Now here's a healthy one.

Reliable sources say that she can lay half the Roman legion and still not be

satisfied.

What am I bid?

Ten dinars.

What the hell would he do with her?

What? Only ten?

Romans! Romans!

This is a true Norse beauty.

She was captured on one of the northern raids.

A bird got from her home. Do I hear more?

I wager if that auctioneer had been in a northern campaign as we have, he'd be

happy to just give her away.

I'm a lord. Those Nordic beauties fight like the god of war himself.

I'd fear for my life if I were in bed with one.

Rock Anthony?

Your presence is requested by Caesar.

Oh, where is he? In the Senate chambers, my lord.

What's he doing?

I think he and Cicero are planning other conquests, my lord.

Tell me, good Cicero, does not Rome rule the world?

Of course, mighty Caesar, from the wilds of Britain to the shores of Africa.

And did not the people choose me as their emperor to rule over this empire

like a god?

You say so, my lord.

Oh, and why must so great a heart beat all alone?

Can you tell me that?

If you keep this up, I think it may stop beating altogether.

Aren't these wretched serving girls, these slaves, the best Rome has to

offer?

Cicero, answer your emperor.

To hear you breathing, my lord, I would say that they offer enough.

Well, perhaps, perhaps.

But my cravings go much deeper.

Anything deeper, I think one of you would swoon.

Although you will not swoon alone.

There has been talk among the boys in the senate.

That bunch of faggots.

What do they know about hot wenches?

I require an angel to soothe my passions, a jewel to shine in my nights.

And in all of Rome, I have not found a single woman so precious.

My lord, your emissaries have arrived from Alexandria.

They report that a jewel such as you seek is set upon the royal throne of

Egypt.

Cleopatra? Don't stop now, my lord.

No.

You begin to get my drift now, Cicero.

And I've heard much of this dark princess.

And I must have her.

Caesar's ghost.

The boredom of a god.

Most mortals just don't understand.

Have you thought of a way to entice Cleopatra to Rome?

This is going to have to be handled very carefully.

So I have chosen the greatest lover in all of Rome to deliver my message to

Cleopatra.

Mark Anthony?

Yes.

Ah, he comes now.

Hail mighty Caesar, ruler of all Rome.

I come in answer to your summons, my lord.

Mark Anthony.

You are to make hence to Egypt.

I fear he'll make a hell of a lot more than hence once he arrives.

What purpose am I dispatched to Egypt, my lord?

You go to Alexandria, where sits the queen, Cleopatra.

And you will tell her... of my desire to lay her.

That's handling it carefully.

Don't you think that's coming on a little heavy?

When I get on top of her, she'll find out how heavy it is.

And what if she will not come?

I have every confidence in your ability to convince her.

However, if you should fail, it would be best to drown yourself in the Nile.

Here we go.

Hold, Mark Anthony.

There is one thing more.

My lord.

You are granted the honor of interceding in your Emperor's desires However, you

are only my spiritual messenger in this You keep your hands to yourself

My lord my hands would not dare touch that which mighty Caesar

desires for himself

Oh, my handsome general.

Keep my hands to myself, he said.

If I were to do so, I would best be a eunuch.

Demands that I take you to him.

But why should I go?

I was sent to convince you.

Oh, my dear, dear general.

Caesar knows not what I, Cleopatra, queen of all Egypt, am made of.

True.

But I am rapidly finding out.

Oh, I will now convince you.

If only my legions could move like that, I would rule the world.

It's true, my dear general.

That is why I am queen of all legion.

to maneuver an army with such motion.

Just my luck to be sent to this burning desert.

Aye.

It's hard.

Mark Anthony says this mission is of the greatest importance, Caesar.

Well, let's hope he does it well then, and quickly.

I can stay here for an eternity viewing such a sight.

And one day,

Mark came her way.

A man was he

that desired

she.

She played the game.

Mark went insane.

When he.

That's a bomb.

That's Cleopatra.

That's Cleopatra. That's Cleopatra.

I don't take you like I take my enemies, leaving you torn, weak and ravished.

Oh, do it, my general, do it.

You'll feel like you've been raped a hundredfold. Oh, rape me, rape me.

It seems to me Mark Anthony spends a lot of his time doting on the queen.

Aye, she's a hot one, that gypsy.

Take note.

I fear we should see our lord, the pillar of the world.

transformed into a strumpet's fool.

Do you think Mark Anthony has finished his business with the Queen? By the

gods, I say she was finished.

Tis so.

Oh, would this day have ended with the sun up.

Oh, my big, big general.

Stay here in Egypt with me.

But what of Caesar?

Oh, to hell with Caesar.

But what of my wife? To hell with your wife.

But what of me?

Ah, you.

You have but one chore.

Rate me again.

It is pleasure you want.

Wayne tells me we've quite a treat in store for us tonight.

Now what is that, my lord?

A visit to the harem, perhaps.

Something almost as good.

They're going to sacrifice a virgin to the goddess of love tonight.

I didn't know they worshipped a love goddess.

I didn't know they had any virgins.

O Isis, protector of the Nile, O goddess of fertility,

your loyal subjects have brought you sacrifice.

Prepare the Virgin.

She will shed much blood. A true virgin always does.

Oh, Isis.

Accept this sacrifice.

An untouched daughter of the Nile.

May she please you, that you will smile upon Egypt and give

us your blessing of love.

One slash with that knife, and he should cut her in half.

I'd like to slash her with something more than that knife.

By the gods, is he blind?

Strike home!

This is a strange sacrifice.

Aren't you going to kill her?

We always kill them in Rome.

What a barbaric custom.

Why should we kill her?

Isis is the goddess of love.

It is only necessary to sacrifice the girl's virginity, not her life.

Watch now and see how she will enjoy her sacrifice.

Hmm.

Thank you.

queen.

ISIS is satisfied.

You are all free to love.

um oh

um um

Bye.

I love you.

I'm going to die.

I think I'm going to die.

Oh, not now, my lord. Oh, you wouldn't dare.

Up. Up, you horny natives.

Few Egyptian slaves overpower the cream of my Roman legions.

Up, up, I say.

Nay, nay, my lord, it was the wine.

Since when does wine leave black and blue bruises?

Demetrius, up, you hot-ass bull.

Has war been declared?

Who in the hell will declare war?

Ah, my good friends, we deal in sloth too long.

Egypt is ripe with pleasure.

Yet Rome awaits my coming.

That's so, my lord.

But what will you tell Caesar of his Egyptian queen?

I... He will be anxious to know.

He will not be his.

I will handle Caesar in my own manner.

As for Cleopatra... I'm afraid she has shackled my heart.

And she is cunning past men's thoughts.

Would that I had never laid eyes on her.

My noble lord, Mark Anthony.

I see by your colors that you have been dispatched by Caesar.

Aye, my lord. Caesar demands your return to Rome immediately.

There has been war in the capital.

War?

What the hell are you talking about?

Your brother Lucius, sir, with the backing of your wife Fulvia and your

army, did take up arms against Caesar.

You must be sunstroke.

My army obeys only me. They obeyed your wife, my lord.

What madness.

She must have heard about you and Cleopatra and tried to get revenge.

She'll get no more revenge because she's dead.

Dead?

Killed in battle?

In your bedroom with your brother Lucius, sir.

They retired after the fight.

I think there was a hotter battle between your sheets.

Aha! I always knew that brother of yours was a horny bastard.

What's your complaint?

The fool did me a favor. Aye.

Now we can stay here and continue our mission with these Egyptian slaves.

Not so. Caesar demands your return.

He's angry at your family's treason.

Besides, he's hotter than hell for Cleopatra.

Go. Tell Caesar we depart for Rome immediately.

Hail Caesar.

Hail Caesar.

Anobarbus, Demetrius, alert the troops.

Make ready the ships.

We sail for Rome.

My dear queen.

You seem so sad.

Don't you like my music?

It's not that charming.

Mark Anthony has been away but a few hours.

And already my body quivers for him.

Come, my lady.

Let me massage you with perfume and oils.

You will feel much better.

Yes.

Yes.

Massage me.

Administer the oils as you always do so well.

Mmm, that feels so good.

And its aroma is intoxicating.

I shall be a bouquet for Mark Anthony.

Does your heart, Roman, caress you as delicately as I?

His rough touch defiles your skin.

while my fingers worship its softness.

Dear Charmian, jealous words do not become you.

From girlhood we played, and no man may break the passion between us.

Come.

Let's try another scent.

Just like the sun.

So true.

So true.

Dear world.

Dear world. Dear world.

Dear world.

Dear world.

I love you.

A greater lover no woman has ever known.

And Mark Anthony?

Have you forgotten him now?

My dear sweet flower, a queen must rule with a king.

I fear I will never see him again.

I shall go to Rome.

To Rome, my lady?

This day?

This hour?

Alert the guard, Charmian. Have them ready to sail at my command.

But we shall be seen.

You will be brought before Caesar and I will be lost.

And what will we do then?

We will enter Rome in disguise.

I shall seek out Mark Anthony.

Together, we shall destroy Caesar.

Oh, mistress, why have we come to this place?

Please, you're complaining, Charmian, and be patient.

The word is, Julius Caesar will join the party soon.

Why do you seek Caesar?

Let's go find Mark Anthony.

There's plenty of time for Mark Anthony.

As for Caesar, I don't wish to talk with him.

Only to see what sort of man he is.

Keep your face hidden.

That'll look you well.

For that is the emperor of the Roman Empire.

I must confess, my lady, I did expect something more like a man instead of a

large pig.

Indeed, so did I.

To think that pot-bellied ass may force me to marry him.

Such a fate is unthinkable.

Not so unthinkable, Charmian.

Perhaps it may even be wise.

More wine, you bitch!

The Caesar doesn't appear to be much of a stud.

To be sure.

I don't think I would like to romp with him in his bed.

Yet, if he is as weak as he looks, perhaps it would not be hard for me to

become the true ruler of his throne.

But my gracious lady, I thought you had the huts for Mark Anthony.

Oh, no man can be better than he is in bed.

But here's a chance to become queen of the world and not just the wife of a

mere soldier.

Besides, I can always ball Mark Anthony.

I would not marry that fat pig.

Ah, but you're not I, Charmian.

In the dark, and with your eyes closed, who knows?

Come, I have a plan.

I'll call up Steve Petty, before I throw you to the lions.

My senses grow dull with wine.

What the hell kind of a feast is this anyway? Is everybody dead?

Oh, my brave emperor.

Shall we dance now the Bacchanals and celebrate more drink?

So be it. Sing and dance, you drunken bastards.

Come, all join hands.

We shall dance and sing until the conquering

wine has steeped our senses into a soft and delicate sleep.

Delicate sleep?

What a queer this sister always become.

of sovereign owner to you stupid ass.

I received news.

I received news that Mark Anthony has returned to Rome.

What?

What the hell are you doing? Keeping it a secret? But my lord.

Cicero, if you weren't a eunuch, I'd sure as hell make you one.

Give me my dagger.

I'll...

Too much wine.

The curse of Bacchus.

What about Mark Anthony?

Cicero, you ass.

Can't you see I'm stoned?

I couldn't tell Mark Anthony from Cleopatra right now.

We'll bring him to the Senate chambers in the morning.

Jewish, my lord.

I've got to make it to the vomitorium. I...

Oh,

I swear, as of tomorrow, I go on the chariot.

Hail Caesar!

Who the hell is hailing Caesar at this hour? So

this is how the great emperor ends his nights.

A drunken stupor.

What the hell kind of a DT is this?

You know me, great Caesar.

You desire me.

I am called Cleopatra.

Queen of the Nile.

Cleopatra. Stop your blithering, girl.

She's still in Egypt.

Although I know not why.

I think Mark Anthony was to deliver her to me. And he has.

Here I am.

Are we going to have some action or are we going to stand around here all night?

Cleopatra or not, you sure are a stacked bitch.

Come, let's go make some flute music.

I am curious, my lord, why did you command me to come to Rome?

My sweet, I have grown tired of the women of my country.

There is no royal blood among them.

They are not fit to lie with me.

But I am fit to lie with the great emperor.

My dear girl.

If the fit is right, you may lie with me forever.

Then let's try it on for size.

Indeed.

You're a jewel to be cut.

To be laid in a bed. I mean, in a fine setting.

Ah, but there's more of me than that.

In Egypt.

The night knows many secrets.

So clue me in, baby. Clue me in.

Meow, meow.

Yes, sir!

Shhh.

I love you.

Let's go.

You must be mad.

Nay, my lord. I swear by all the demons of hell.

I saw Cleopatra enter Julius Caesar's house.

The wine must have gone to your head, old friend.

For you know as well as I that what you say is impossible.

Of course I know it.

But I'd give my life if what I saw were not true.

Could not possibly have been Cleopatra.

And yet, something is amiss.

Caesar did not summon me to audience tonight.

Although he must know that I have returned to Rome.

Not me.

There's treason afoot.

It's bad luck to use that word around me.

I have just come from conspiring with some of the senators.

They are with me and against Caesar.

Well done.

When will the deed take place?

Tomorrow, in the Senate.

But what you say you saw tonight disturbs me very much indeed.

I swear I did see her.

You will have a chance to prove it to me.

Tonight, you will stand.

watch me

My lord, I came to help you. To help me?

By climbing into bed with my enemy?

I thought to win him to my wishes.

As a whore, using the same tricks on him as you used on me.

No, no.

I only did it because I loved you.

Is this the way you show your love?

Licking the emperor's ass while I risked my life for you?

I was afraid that you'd be killed.

So you thought to change sides while there was still time.

You traitorous bitch!

I didn't betray you!

I thought I could win him to obey me. Caesar may be many things, but he's not

a fool. Oh, I found that out.

He loves power more than women.

Oh, it was all for nothing.

Not quite, my dear.

It has benefited me greatly.

It has shown me what an ass I've been.

Oh, my Lord.

Have I not said we shall love forever?

Yes, but it came from a serpent's tongue.

Anobarbus, throw her ass into a dungeon cell.

That'll keep her from disrupting my plans.

It shall be done, my lord. Mark Anthony!

Love but only you.

And I command you, Anobarbus, to stay with her until I summon you.

Come, my lady, see your new boudoir.

And so

the mighty queen of the Nile ends up in a rat-infested hole.

What the hell's going on?

I am Diana, goddess of love.

Surely you must know me.

To be sure, but she is not mortal.

Ah, but that is what makes us gods.

We can be spirits or mortal.

That is our power.

But why me?

I have watched you since you were a child.

I have laid with you in your slumber.

I have played with you in your bath.

Now I must have you as a mortal.

Oh, Lucius!

Lucius? I am called Claudius.

Oh, but that is your mortal name.

Your spirit is known as Lucius.

But, but to lay a goddess.

Come.

Kneel down.

It will be an experience you have never felt.

Mark Anthony is a fool.

We could have ruled the world together.

The only thing you're going to rule is a broken down Egyptian camel.

So be it. But the gods will prove you all wrong.

Thank you.

Let's go.

You stay right there.

I'll see what demon this is.

Back in, you Roman scum. Or your vitals will be fed to the dogs.

Get his keys, milady.

Charmian. My dear, dear trusted servant.

Come, milady. We must tie up this guard.

What shall we use for binds?

Here's some rope.

We must make haste, for I fear tonight our lives are in danger. We will flee to

Egypt.

I have called this meeting to answer the charges of treason against me.

And yet, I think it is Caesar who is the traitor.

What say you, Senator Lepidus?

I would say aye.

Caesar has ruled far too long.

His power no longer becomes him, and Rome falters.

Aye.

And you, Senator Cassius?

Well, they say he's taken a disgusting shine to women lately.

What's a fellow to do?

Yes, well... And Brutus, do you take part?

To be sure.

These nightly debauches are getting bad enough.

We must seek to rid Rome of this immoral pestilence.

Are we agreed then, honored senators?

Shall we liberate Rome?

Aye. Down with the tyrants.

And quickly, before he marries some grasping female and entrusts the whole

city to her. The citizens are crying to be free.

On guard.

Caesar approaches.

Await my signal.

Then strike.

Damn important that you gotta get me out of bed at this hour.

Julius, what's this that I hear about you and that

Egyptian hussy?

Don't yell so, Cassius. Can't you see I have a hell of a hangover?

Caesar!

So there you are.

Mark Anthony, you are to stand trial for treason.

Your family tried to kill me last week.

And what about Cleopatra?

I... Cleopatra.

You swear I had a wet dream about that bitch last night?

I will not bring her to Rome, Caesar.

And you will not command me again.

What's going on here?

Now! I strike for Rome!

And I for the people!

For love.

For honor.

Et tu, Brute?

By the gods, will you guys quit making such a racket?

How the hell can a sober man sleep?

A great man has been killed.

Someone must pay for this crime.

Mark Anthony.

It was his words that beguile us.

He is at fault.

Let me see Cleopatra.

Hold still, you Roman dog.

It'll take but a second to behead you.

Where did he come from? He was caught rushing through the palace gates.

Charmian, you must let me see Cleopatra.

Why?

I seem to recall you threw her to the rats in a Rome dungeon.

I was mad with jealousy.

I was beyond my senses. I've always loved her.

You Romans have a weird way of expressing your love.

Show him now how hungry our rats can get.

Take him away.

What means this?

Mark Anthony.

My queen.

We were going to throw him into the dungeon, as he did you, my lady.

You may all take your leave.

But my lady... I said be gone!

Anthony, my lord.

Cleopatra. Cleopatra, can you ever forgive my foolishness?

My lord, I have long forgiven.

Then you do truly love me.

How could you ever doubt it?

But come.

Tell me, what has happened to you?

Well, Petra, Caesar is dead.

Then we are free.

You have come back to me.

For the time being, perhaps.

But I fear I bring the entire Roman legions chasing on my heels.

What do you mean?

I thought killing Caesar would end our trouble.

So did I.

But after the deed was done, the worthy senators needed a scapegoat.

Since I engineered the entire plot, I was the logical choice.

Those knaves turned on you?

They chased me through the streets of Rome like a dog.

And now they've sent the army to take me back to trial.

By the gods, you're mine now.

They'll have to fight all Egypt to take you.

My queen.

My queen, give me command of your fleets.

The Roman army approaches by sea.

I will take command and sweep the ocean of them like so many straws.

Oh, my brave general.

Your wish is my command.

What a black day this is.

Anthony's no sailor. I told him. I said, don't meet the Romans at sea, my lord. I

said, you're a great general, but you've always fallen land.

And now the Egyptian fleet lies scattered and sinking.

But would he listen to old Enobarvis? Oh, no.

Pants himself as a placid admiral.

Let's go.

The Romans will be landing soon.

I knew she'd be his downfall the first day we set foot in this palace. The

palace? Hey, some towboat's just lying about.

We're out of a job now.

It would be wise to go there and take as much as we can carry.

Hurry, my lady!

The Romans are approaching the city gates.

Charmy, run now and set your carriage. I will finish here. Very well, my lady.

Well, I see that you Romans are not only murderers, but also thieves.

That may be so, oh queen of the Nile.

Would you strip me of my only adornment?

Father God, come, let's go.

Not quite.

Maybe not for you, but as for me, I take my leave.

Let's see if queens are anything special.

You wouldn't dare.

Mark Anthony still lives.

Only for the moment that he's got his hands full with the Roman army.

But I am the queen of Egypt.

Queen? Ha!

Come on down.

You're a strumpet and good for only one thing.

No, you can't!

We're no part of this!

I missed you.

That's her name

Playing her

game

Miss Cleo

She has her fun With our

love Not just one

Cleopatra.

Bring me soldier.

You love me more and more.

That'll make it clear better.

Anthony!

Anthony!

Well, I fought all of Rome for you.

Well, I nearly died for you. You took your pleasure with any bastard that

wanted you.

Mark Anthony, please listen to me.

I'll hear no more lies.

He raped me.

I couldn't help it.

Just like you couldn't help yourself with Julius Caesar.

Or your soldiers.

Or your dogs.

No, please.

You were my only true love.

I was the greatest general in the Roman Empire.

You made me a joke to the world.

For that you must die.

What madness is this?

It was love.

I held it in my hand.

Mark Anthony.

Behold, the play draws near its end.

Mark Anthony, by order of the Emperor Octavius Caesar, you are to be brought

back to Rome to stand trial for high treason and murder.

So orders Octavius Caesar, Emperor of the Roman Empire.

May the gods know thy answer.

Now there is nothing.