Original subtitles

Good evening.

Did anyone see a golf ball go by?

It couldn’t have gone far.

I just gave it a toss.

I’ve been employing this means of getting around

the golf course since the club voted to ban

all motorized carts.

It was a ban I heartily endorsed.

By the way, since the carts were always tipping over

when they ran over laggards,

this slowed up the game terribly.

This system of travel also helps me comply

with another rule, which was made because of

the crowded condition of the course.

We are asked to play in foursomes.

But I believe you tuned in for a story.

I shall step aside and allow you

to play through.

[yawns]

Well, look who’s here.

Sleeping Beauty himself.

Oh, cut it out, will you?

What’s the matter, Joe?

The noon whistle wake you up?

That late already?

Boy, I must’ve really been pooped.

What’s for breakfast?

You mean lunch, don’t you?

I’ve been up since 8:00 listening to you snore.

Things aren’t bad enough, you’ve gotta watch television

till 2:00 in the morning.

It was a good movie.

Don’t you see enough movies?

Now, what does that crack mean?

Oh, you know what I mean.

Don’t you think I know where you spend your afternoons?

I’ve been looking for work every day.

What as, an usher?

Put your toast in.

Look, Irene, I’ve been to half a dozen

employment agencies this week, and I went on two interviews.

They just didn’t pan out, that’s all.

How come they never pan out with you, Joe?

How come everybody else is working

and you can’t even collect unemployment insurance anymore?

You’re gonna burn those eggs.

The papers are full of jobs. I can read, you know.

Yeah, they’re full of jobs. But what kind of jobs, huh?

You just don’t understand the way it is with me, Irene. You never did.

I’m not a laborer!

Then get a job in an office!

-You mean a clerk’s job? -Yes.

That’s not for me.

I gotta have something with a future.

You should’ve taken that job my brother offered.

And sell shoes? I’d starve first.

We might just do that!

Do you know that Mr. Waters won’t give me any more credit?

Do you know that I haven’t even got a bottle

of milk in this house?

Oh, what’s the matter with this toast?

This thing’s broken, Irene.

It was all right this morning.

Oh, no!

It’s the electricity!

Oh, how do you like that for nerve?

They cut us off!

Nerve? Nerve?

We haven’t paid a bill in three months!

[sobbing]

Aw, forget it, honey.

We’ll get along for a while.

It’ll be kind of romantic with candles around this place.

[sobbing] Oh, Joe. I’m so ashamed.

I’m so ashamed.

There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

We’ve got to get some money, Joe.

-We need money! -OK, OK.

I’ll go out this afternoon and take the first thing that comes along.

We need it now. We need it right now!

We can’t go on owing everybody!

-Maybe if we asked Davey. -Oh, no, you don’t!

I’m not asking your brother for another dime.

Look, I’ll tell you what we’ll do.

I’ll go out and get ourselves a loan to tide us over.

Just a small one.

And then I’ll go back to that employment agency,

and I’ll take anything they offer.

I’ll dig ditches, Irene. Anything!

There, does that make you feel better?

Oh, Joe.

It’s gonna be OK, honey.

Don’t you worry about a thing.

It’s gonna be all right.

I see by your application, Mr. Helmer,

that your last employment was in food merchandising.

Just what kind of work was that?

I worked in a meat market.

Pardon?

I sold meat in a supermarket.

Oh. That was way back in April, according to this.

Have you been on the unemployment insurance since then?

It stopped last month.

-And you’re married? -Yes.

No children, I see.

You’ve had quite a number of jobs in that time, haven’t you?

Route salesman, waiter, dry cleaner, printer...

Printer-- [mutters] Printers do pretty well, don’t they, Mr. Helmer?

Well, I...

wasn’t exactly a printer.

I was a night watchman in a big printing plant.

I guess that’s a mistake, what I wrote there.

Oh, I see.

And the purpose of the loan?

Oh, it says home improvement.

-Home improvement? -Yes, yes, that’s right.

Do you have any collateral, Mr. Helmer,

any stocks or bonds, jewelry, anything like that?

-No. -Do you own a car?

No.

You’re not making this easy for me, Mr. Helmer.

Now, I told you that the Friendship Corporation

doesn’t like to turn anyone away from its door,

but you present a rather-- what shall I say--

a bleak picture of your finances.

Look, I only wanna borrow $100 bucks.

I’m not looking for any million.

Well, the amount isn’t the problem. It’s your credit!

You haven’t worked for three months.

You haven’t any collateral.

Say, what about a co-signer?

Do you think you could find one?

No, I don’t think I could do that.

Or some relative, maybe?

No.

I’m askin’ nothing of them. Nothing!

I’m trying to help you Mr. Helmer,

but under the circumstances, I--

You mean I don’t get the money?

What can I do? My hands are tied.

OK, OK. If that’s the way you want it.

Thank you.

Hey!

Mister!

Mister, are you all right?

He’s dead.

[Irene] Well, you certainly took your time.

[Joe] Those stairs are murder.

It’s warm, you know.

The refrigerator isn’t working.

I don’t care.

Well, what about it? Did you get the loan?

No, I didn’t get the loan.

Well, you know how they are.

You can’t get any money unless you can prove you don’t need it.

I’m not surprised.

Well, we’ll just have to call Davey tomorrow.

I won’t have to call Davey.

Then what are we going to do?

I don’t mind candlelight suppers,

only there won’t be any supper.

You know that, don’t you?

I know.

Oh, stop it, Joe!

I’m in no mood for kidding around.

You know where I was all afternoon?

How should I know? In the movies, I suppose.

You’re wrong.

I was with an old pal of mine, a buddy from the Army.

I hope he bought the drinks.

He did better than that.

He remembered about some dough he borrowed from me

when we were both stationed at Fort Bragg.

I got him out of a real jam once, and he remembered.

Shows there are still some nice people in the world.

Are you serious?

Sure, I’m serious.

Want to see the money?

Sure, let’s see it.

I’m not sure I’ll recognize the stuff, but let’s try.

Oh, Joe.

How much is that?

Two hundred and seventy-five bucks.

Almost $300.

[laughing] It’s exactly what he owed me.

It’s about time we got a break, isn’t it?

Oh, Joe, this is wonderful!

Now we can give $50 to Mr. Peterson.

And $100 to Mr. Waters, so we can get back our charge account.

And we’ll call the electric--

Hey! Take it easy, will you?

Leave out about ten bucks for a good steak dinner tonight.

We owe it to ourselves, don’t we?

Tonight? You really mean it?

Sure, I mean it.

I’ll take you to that steak house on First Avenue.

Oh, Joe!

Come on now!

I gotta shave, and you put on your blue dress,

and we’ll get going, huh? I’m starved.

"Marvin Horine.

9 East, 70th street, New York."

"I am not dead.

I am subject to a form of cataleptic illness

which may appear to cause death.

If I am found, notify at once Dr. Nelson Kruger,

441 East 64th Street, Plaza 3.

[whispering]

I am not dead."

I thought you were shaving.

-I’ve got to go out, Irene. -Out? Out where?

Well, I can’t explain now. It’s something I forgot, something important.

B-But what about dinner? You told me to get dressed.

[Joe] I’ve got to go out!

[sirens]

Good evening, officer.

[officer] Evenin’.

Some excitement, huh?

It was an ambulance, wasn’t it?

Man dropped dead in the street.

-You sure he was dead? -Oh, he was dead, all right.

You know anything about it, mister?

-Me? -Yeah, you.

Not a thing.

Just passing by, saw the ambulance,

Just curious, that’s all.

[dial tone]

[woman] Dr. Kruger’s office.

Hello, can I speak to Dr. Kruger, please?

I’m sorry, Dr. Kruger’s not available right now.

May I take a message?

Where is he? I have to talk to him.

He’s on vacation. If you’ll just give me your name.

Look, my name’s not important.

Are you his nurse?

No, sir, this is his answering service.

[dial tone]

[woman 2] Operator.

Operator? Get me the police.

[man] 21st Precinct, Sergeant Dugan.

Look, one of your ambulances just picked up a man

at 17th Street and 2nd Avenue,

about an hour ago.

What was that name again?

I didn’t give any name.

Look, I’m talking about the man who fell dead in the street.

The one that they took away.

I wanted to tell you that he isn’t really dead.

Hey, what is this? Some kind of joke?

Look, I’m serious!

The guy had a kind of an attack, that’s all,

but you shouldn’t... bury him.

Whatever you do, don’t bury him!

Look, Mac, I’ll tell you what you do.

Come on over here and tell us all about it, huh?

Come on over, right now.

No, I...

[Irene] Joe?

Yeah?

Thanks for the steak dinner.

I’m sorry.

I opened a can of pork and beans.

Still some left if you want any.

It’s not exactly sirloin, but it’s filling.

I’m not hungry.

You going to tell me where you went?

It was nothing important, I...

just forgot something at that bar,

the place where I met my army buddy.

Went back to see if it was still there.

I guess it was.

I can smell it.

So I had a couple of beers.

We have beer at home.

For Pete’s sake, do we have to have a quiz program every night?

Oh, Joe.

Joe, what’s happening to us?

This morning we were picking at each other

because we didn’t have any money.

And tonight I’ve got a jar full of $20 bills and...

Joe...

It’s not another girl, is it?

No, it’s not another girl.

Now, will you just please leave me alone for a while?

Sure.

I’ll leave you alone.

No, ma’am, there’s no law against keepin’ a dog in the backyard.

Long as the animal isn’t giving you any trouble,

there’s nothing we can do about it.

Yes, you let us know.

Thank you, ma’am.

Yes, sir, what can I do for you?

My name’s Helmer.

I’m the one who telephoned tonight.

We got a lot of calls tonight.

What was yours about?

About the dead man on 17th Street.

Oh, yes, I remember.

You’re the man who said he wasn’t dead.

Would you have a sit right over there?

I spoke to Lieutenant Bates about this.

He’d like to speak to you.

[sergeant] Lieutenant Bates, please.

Say, lieutenant, remember the D.O.A. in 17th Street?

The man just came in. The one that called.

Right.

He’ll be with you in a minute.

This is Mr. Helmer, lieutenant.

Mr. Helmer, I’m Lieutenant Bates.

Must admit, Mr. Helmer, that your phone call kind of puzzled me.

You sure you’re talking about the same man?

Yeah, I’m sure.

It was on 17th Street, about 9:00.

Small, well-dressed man, gray hair, about 60?

Yes, that’s him.

And you don’t think he’s dead?

I know he isn’t dead!

Well, he looked pretty dead when they brought him in here.

There was no heartbeat, no pulse, no nothing.

The doctor examined him and said he was dead.

They wrote out a death certificate.

The body’s in the morgue now awaiting burial.

So you see, Mr. Helmer, there’s nothing to worry about.

He’s really dead. Now take my word for it.

You think I’m insane! You think I’m some kind of nut?

I didn’t say that, Mr. Helmer.

Yeah, but that’s what you’re thinking, right?

Only you’re wrong!

I saw the guy’s wallet.

He had a card in it that said he wasn’t dead!

We didn’t find any card.

Yeah, but it was there! I saw it!

How did you see it, Mr. Helmer?

Well, I saw him when he fell down and I...

I went looking through his pockets

for identification, you know?

Go on.

So I saw this card.

It said he was a cataleptic.

It said he might look dead, but he really wasn’t!

Are you sure that’s how it happened?

All right.

So I took his wallet.

I thought he was dead.

I-I thought he wouldn’t need the money anymore.

That’s what I thought.

You’ve got to stop them, lieutenant!

You can’t let them bury him!

Max? Bates.

The stiff they brought in tonight, was it transferred to the City Morgue?

Yeah. It’s still in the freezer, huh?

Well, showcase him, we’ll be right down.

[hang up the phone]

Mr. Helmer.

Hope it’s not too cold for you, Mr. Helmer?

They keep it pretty chilly down here.

I’m OK.

Can you identify this man, Mr. Helmer?

Yeah, that’s him. That’s Marvin Horine.

His name’s not Horine. It’s Capper.

Sonny Boy Capper.

We’ve known about him for a long, long time.

It’s our business to know about men like Sonny Boy.

He was one of the slickest pickpockets in the country.

Till his bum heart gave out.

Pickpocket?

Then this isn’t Marvin?

Let’s go upstairs, Mr. Helmer.

We’ve got some talking to do.

I hear the shout of "fore."

Apparently someone is counting my horses again.

I shall have to move on.

Suppose you join me at the next tee.

I found this in the rough we just passed through.

I wonder who it belongs to.

Until next week,

goodnight.