Original subtitles

I guess down at Pensacola, they still talk about the day of the Admiral's Tea

Party. It's one of what came to be called Spig's Big Days.

Spigweed and I were in Annapolis in World War I together.

But all along, Spig knew he wanted to fly, and I knew I wanted whatever Spig

wanted. So we wangled our way into the first regular flying class the Navy ever

had.

Not bad, not bad, not bad.

Question, Mr.

Dexter? The same question, Mr. Weed? The same question, sir.

Same answer, Mr. Weed. I suspected as much, sir.

What was the answer, Mr. Weed? We are not to engage in solo flight until our

instructor feels we are ready, sir.

And the reason, Mr. Weed?

Planes and funerals are expensive.

They cost the taxpayers' money, sir.

Attention!

I shall see you at the Admiral's Tea Party.

Dismissed!

Come on, let's go.

Fig, will you quit riding him?

Fig, fight!

Can these things really fly?

Where did you fellas leave your motorcycles? What?

Mac, there's no smoking on the face. What about you?

Cigars only.

How do you like that? What's the Army doing around my plane?

Who cares what the Army's doing? Spickman told us 3 o'clock. She's

waiting. The Admiral's tea?

Hey, you!

This pile of junk, can anybody get it up in the air?

Now, why don't you just hop right up in there with me and we'll find out.

Now, why don't we just do that?

Grip over your spurs.

Put your foot here.

One foot there.

Back over here now. Big, you idiot!

Jughead! Let's go!

Go where? Taking the army for a ride. Oh, you're taking the army for a ride,

just like that, huh? Just like that.

You've never been at the controls of this thing by yourself before.

And right now, this minute, you owe six payments on your furniture, three on

your studs, bear cap, and two on your baby.

You know what happens if anything goes wrong? There'll be a general court

-martial. They'll kick you out of the Navy, and I'll wind up a second-class

seaman the rest of my life, just like this dope here. Think of the future, Mr.

Leonard. Shut up, Pincus.

Speak we.

Never listen to anybody else. Just do exactly what you want to do all the

time. All right, you want to fly that thing? Go ahead. Go ahead and kill

yourself. You'll wind up busted and broke.

I can always join the Army.

Why don't you be quiet just once in a while?

Mr. Weed wants to fly. Didn't you hear him? Get a line. Hurry up. Get a move

on.

Ready, Army?

Ready, Navy.

All right, Johnny.

Where is he? I told him 3 o'clock. Did I have to specify what day?

Who's that idiot?

That's Spig, honey.

Spig?

The Admiralty Party was-

Yes sir!

Please? Please?

Weed, the admiral would like to see you in his quarters immediately.

Yes, sir.

Won't be home for dinner, hon.

I hope they throw the book at you page by page.

I hope they throw you the... Captain Hazard? Yes.

General Ricketts compliments, sir. He would like to see you at once.

Is that all you've got to say? Yes, sir. Nothing more to add?

No, sir. The whole truth and nothing but?

Yes, sir.

Carson, do you know that you're the biggest liar in the United States Navy?

Yes, sir. No, sir.

Yes, sir.

That's all.

Thank you, sir.

Mr. Weed.

Attention.

Annapolis, to your commendation for war duty, this is a record that any officer

might envy.

That is, up until this episode.

You've confirmed the facts presented to this board. Yes, sir.

Is there any statement that you'd like to make prior to the board's action?

Yes, sir. Make it. Charges against me boil down to doing something I'd never

done before.

How else are we going to get aviation for the United States Navy?

This all may be true, but it doesn't seem to have much bearing on this case.

Sir, it is the case.

At least it's mine.

And I think it should be yours.

Hi, man.

Hi. Hi, Commodore.

I borrowed a little old spig's corn whiskey. Sure, that's okay.

What else have you got to do? Here.

What are you all clobbered up about, men?

If Spig gets bounced out of the Navy, they'll... Bounced out of the Navy?

Look, Johnny, Spig just joined the Navy. I'm married to it.

I run the mess hall, I swab the decks, I kick the rust.

You're afraid that they'll kick Spig out of the Navy.

I'm afraid that they won't.

He's favorite.

Now I owe you my life. You owe me nothing. That's what I meant.

Good evening.

So they didn't kick you out after all. Right.

And you spent all of next month's pay celebrating.

Wrong. I won the first to solo pool, and I am loaded. No tracks.

The squadron decided that flying with the army was as close to soloing as a

sailor could get.

And this, my Tigenere darling, is what I brought for you.

First prize.

Commodore sick.

Commodore? Oh.

Commodore. Hiya, little old fella.

How you feeling, little old boy?

Look what your daddy brought you. First prize for the first crash.

Hey, let's get out of there.

You know, this crib's getting a little small for the old Commodore.

Hey, man.

This kid is sick.

Doc's in there.

You'll be okay, Spig.

Sure, Mr. Weed. Them little kids get everything, you know. Yeah, sure.

I had to mumps myself six times. It don't mean anything.

Spig!

Sorry, Spig.

anything we can do no but he can do her some good

stick around

Congratulations. Thank you, sir.

Congratulations.

We sort of split up, Spig and I did, after graduation.

He became a hotshot pilot, all right.

Hotshot with a plane and a baby carriage, too.

In those years, big was only little brass.

But after all, where would big brass be without little brass?

Good morning, sir.

Morning, Jack.

Did you see this? Yes, sir. What are we going to do about it?

Jack, who's our best pilot?

Oh, I don't mean the best throttle jockey or the one who flies by the pit

of his stomach or by the seat of his pants.

I mean our best brain.

Capital B-R-A-I-N.

S-P-I-G?

Get him.

Yes, sir.

Quiet, kids. Wallace didn't take your bath.

minute young ladies come back here and pick those up and take them upstairs

with you come on now hurry up hurry up come on

get moving see that you wash yourselves clean

good

afternoon miss america

Here among your unpaid bills, I find a communication.

From Washington.

Washington, D.C.

I'm not going.

They broke and keep moving. That's the story of our lives.

Spig, you've got two daughters.

And they've lived in seven different houses and seven different stations in

seven different years.

Back and forth across the country and in and out of it, too.

Well, I'm just not going to move them anymore.

Well, have a drink.

Pensacola Coronado. What's the difference between houses?

It's a big difference to me, because I've got to live in them. All right. One

of these days you'll have a nice, big, fine, gold-braided admiral's house, and

you can live in it forever.

No, Spade.

I'm a little tired.

I want to relax a little bit. I want to drink a little bit, and I want to spend

a little bit more than we can afford.

Okay, you've had your say. Now let's throw the kids and the bags and the

jalopy and get on the road. We haven't much time.

Okay.

You take the high road, and I'll take the low road.

And we'll see who gets to the poorhouse first.

But my road leads here, right here.

It's like you've got a shiny desk with a great big drawer marked navy, and a big

drawer marked flying, and a tiny little drawer marked men, et cetera, et cetera,

et cetera, and so on, and so on.

There's not much air in my drawer, Spig, and I'm finding it pretty tough to

breathe. I think you're getting too big for your drawers.

No, no, no, no, no, ma'am. I'll give you a clue.

Coronado, California.

Si, like in crop game.

Yes, ma'am, I want you to keep trying.

Stick and stay, bound to pay.

That's my way, sweetie, mate.

Beautiful? Is it on the level? Ask me when we get to Bombay, Paris, or Hong

Kong. Which reminds me, since when have you been cutting orders on me, boy?

Not me, Johnny.

Me and Admiral Moffat.

Finkus, what's bothering you?

That's my foot, sir.

Every time you want a veteran, it's fever.

Oh, I keep my money in my shoes, and every time I pay it out, it hurts

right... Knock it off!

Weed, did you announce this? Yes, sir. Do you like it?

Yes, sir.

War and football draw the biggest crowds, so now we'll have an Army-Navy

race around the world.

Sir, the whole country will be sitting in on it.

Congress is sitting in on it. In fact, Congress is sitting on it.

They've ordered a special hearing tomorrow for you and me.

Will you shut up and get out the phone, you stupid idiot?

All right. Good evening, sir.

Hello, Fingers.

Good evening, sir.

How's the wife? Fine.

And them lovely kiddies? Fine.

Nice to see you.

Why? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to speak. Sir.

Hello.

Hello. Min?

Yeah. Did you get my wire, hon?

It looks like we're going to be gone about a month.

Oh, you know how I am about writing letters. They all sound like inter

-office memos.

Tell me you love her.

Looks like we'll be back here a couple of years.

Why don't you move on out?

Of course I miss you. That's what I'm trying to say.

Look, I found a swell apartment, hon. It'll be just great for the kids, about

a block from a kindergarten.

Of course, it'll be a little noisy.

It's right near the airfield, and my squadron's flying.

Anyway, I finally got her.

I didn't.

This is a private party, a private army party. And a very nice party too, right?

Tell them

to come right out here. It's an emergency.

Is that beer?

Yes. In prohibition?

Don't you know it's illegal?

I just worked here.

Carson.

Compliments of the Army Air Corps.

Sir.

Boy.

Come on, Spig. Don't you think we ought to blow? We're going to stir up a heck

of a mess here. What? Where's your curiosity, Mr.

Price? This is a rare opportunity to study the species Homo sapiens.

Subspecies army.

To General John J.

Pershing. To Calvin Coolidge. To Spig Weed. Who's he?

The gentleman that sent us the beer.

To Spig Weed. Mr. Weed. Sorry.

To Mr.

Weed!

To our landlocked Congress, may they quit smoking cigars for a month and buy

us some planes.

To celebrate being selected as the Army flight team to beat Navy around the

world!

Spare guests go on out of here. Don't be so rude. Our host is about to make a

speech.

Continue.

Thank you.

Gentlemen, I think we do well now to make plans for our victory dinner,

right? Right!

Every race implies a loser as well as a winner.

And I think it could only prove once again Army sportsmanship to invite the

Navy losers to our victory dinner.

I presume that each team will have the same number of men, correct, mister?

Correct.

Each of you, then, will invite your opposite Navy number.

For the occasion, consider him as your big brother.

As a representative of the Navy, I think a few words are in order.

Very few.

It is 25,000 miles around the world.

We expect to finish 12,500 miles ahead of you. End of you words. Thank you.

The trouble is, mister, you got nothing to fly.

We won't need much more than a kite to beat you.

May I make a suggestion?

Please do.

Why don't you fly this?

Our words are in order.

You're our guest.

What manners.

We grace your party, we drink your liquor, and I suppose this is supposed

to be funny.

A matter of opinion.

Well, the liquor was pretty good.

And the cake is nice.

Right? Right!

Thank you for the party, gentlemen. Thank you, and thank you.

Police!

Police!

Hey, buddy.

Hold it.

Let's quit. We're even.

Not a thing.

I'm going to say that I forgot my wife's birthday. She clobbered me. They can't

argue with that.

Sure can't. But me, I can't think of a thing.

Go ahead.

You go ahead.

You afraid?

No.

So, we were discussing.

Mr. Weed.

Captain Hazard.

Mr. Weed, Captain Hazard.

Information has reached me through certain channels that you two gentlemen

have met.

Just for the record, are we at war?

Where did you get those eyes?

I forgot my wife's birthday and she clobbered me.

And you?

Me, I can't think of a thing.

Well, gentlemen, your round-the-world race is canceled.

Well, the Army flight will take place because the Army asked for it first.

But no race.

The Navy appreciates your position, Senator.

Good. You can't win?

Might as well be a good loser.

However,

I'm not sure the entire Navy shares that view. Permission to speak, sir?

Fire away.

It's our training.

We're not taught to be losers, good or otherwise.

And now we are losing carriers that we need and planes to fly from them.

Someday we may lose something bigger than that.

If you can't develop both services impartially, you're either shirking your

duty or you don't know what your duty is.

Well, son, there's a lot of things we don't know. But here's some of the

things we do.

Now, we've got a country yelling pacifism at us.

Disarmament. The world is gonna live together like one big happy family.

There'll be no more war.

The Army and the Navy are going out of business.

Now, you, outside of clubs and bar rooms, you fight maybe one war in a

generation.

Well, we have to fight those voters every blamed two years.

You want us to cancel that flight for the Army?

No, sir. That stunt may get them the bombers they need for their service.

You just want to nail down the Lexington and Saratoga, huh? Yes, sir.

Not just a mock-up like the Langley.

Well, they tell me there's more than one way to skin a cat, Admiral.

That'll be all, gentlemen. Yes, sir.

By the way, off the record, who won that fight?

The Army!

Oh, boy!

Where is the lady's retiring room?

Right in there, ma'am. Come on.

Black eyes, swimming pool, congressman.

Now, what's this new scuttlebutt you're spreading?

The international seaplane races, sir.

The United States has never won them, nor the Schneider Cup that goes with the

winning. I'm aware of that, Weed. All right, sir, let's play the races.

We'll hit the public and keep hitting them.

You okay it, sir, and we'll bring the Schneider cup home.

Fill it with champagne and jam it down the Army's throat.

Yeah, that would be nice.

There's only one thing wrong.

Why let the Army drink our champagne?

It's your daddy up there with the goggles.

See, your daddy is the one beside Mr. Daddy!

Sam? Yeah?

Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

Will you shut up?

Oh, drop dead.

This is a happy cup, inside and out.

And here's a toast to all of you who brought it back where it belongs.

You're a great crew, each and every one of you.

Even Carson there, who slept all through the race.

Oh, I know, Jughead, you were up 96 hours getting the planes ready.

But seriously, I want to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my

heart. It was a long, back-breaking job.

And those that flew know what they owe to the others.

If it hadn't been for the cooperation and the teamwork...

a record i told you it's something nobody else ever did would it be a

record if daddy came home that would be a world's

record

It ain't paid for. It isn't paid for.

Don't you kids ever read the newspapers?

I'm your daddy.

Hey, Picklepuss, come here.

What is it? Are you the funny man with the goggles?

I sure am, honey.

Oh, Daddy!

And I've got a present for each one of you.

There's one for you and one for you.

Where's your mother?

At the bridge club.

Oh, the bridge club, eh?

Oh, they're beautiful. Who's getting your supper?

I am, of course.

Do you want some?

What is it?

A chicken all king. I sure do. Out of a tin can.

Want some? I'm hungry.

Sure.

Then you just sit down right there. I was going to.

You better.

Me too?

You too, Pippin Woods.

Here, wait a minute. Let me take that.

I'll serve you.

Sit down.

Sit down.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my

soul to take.

Good night!

Good night who?

Daddy!

Good night.

Sleep tight.

Home is the sailor, home from the sea, and the hunter, home from the hill.

Well, they cooked their own supper, and then I threw them in bed.

How'd it feel?

Great, but I blackmailed them. I brought them some beads.

Well, go ahead, get it over with.

Ask me where I have been.

I know where you've been. You've been playing bridge.

Got behind.

The winners go to dinner, and the losers stay to play.

I know it is.

I was going to phone you, and then I got a cute idea.

Thought I'd come in unannounced.

To tell you the truth... Why don't you?

All right.

I've been thinking what a heel I've been.

About you and about my own kids.

I don't know. When I do something, I go all the way. Living, gambling, flying. I

tap myself out.

I guess that's the way I want it to be.

Maybe even it's the way I am.

Star-spangled spade.

Damn the martinis, full speed ahead, and don't give up the ship.

E pluribus unum. Have a drink.

Listen, men, I'm trying to say I've been a fool. First-class, senior-grade, gold

-braided.

So am I.

Okay.

Let's change it.

Let's grow up before our kids do.

We'd better hurry up.

Oh, it's ringing.

Oh, let it ring.

One. It's probably just Washington.

Oh, I forgot.

Do you know that you're in the arms of the newest lieutenant commander in the

United States Navy?

Star Spangled Spig.

And a squadron leader.

All I know is that I'm in the arms of a fella named Spig that I'm nuts about.

Hey, how about getting back to your necking with a little more enthusiasm?

Right.

with him.

How do you do?

Why don't you go to bed?

Don't. Don't move me, man.

I can't.

My back.

No feeling.

Call hospital.

Naval hospital.

Resulting from medicated fracture of the fifth cervical vertebrae. You mean my

next blasted? That's it.

How bad is that?

Not good.

What are my chances?

If I operate right away, about four to one.

What are we waiting for?

Permission from you and your next of kin.

I'm my next of kin. Let's go.

Scissors?

Scissors.

Sponge? Sponge.

Doctor?

Pressure's dropping, Doctor.

CC adrenaline.

CC adrenaline.

Hey.

Can you hear me, Lee? Yes.

Open your eyes, Spade. Can you see anything?

No. He's taking a dive.

What's the matter, Mr.

Weed? Can't you ever win a fight? Carson. Yeah, Carson. Trying to keep me

alive. That's right.

Well, you're doing it. Thanks. You're welcome.

Get him the hell out of here.

Man throws under your belt.

Make a new man out of you.

Thanks, Mr. Weed.

Me? Oh, I'm the new corpsman, ma'am. I'm assigned here to take care of Mr. Weed.

Glad to cooperate with you any way you want. And you just did call... Hey,

you're pretty.

We'll see about this. Yeah, you do that.

Carson. Yes, sir, Carson. Oh, excuse me.

Why? Why? Because I'm a human nurse, that's why.

I'm going to see you through this little trouble.

Now, listen, do you know the fix that you're in?

No. Do you?

Yes, because I figured it out all night, and now I'm going to brief you.

Go ahead.

Brief.

All right.

Now, look.

This here is a spinal cord.

It's just like the main cable on any three-phase circuit.

And when you stuttered down them stairs, you busted five-six of it.

Can it be spliced? What?

Can it be spliced?

Oh, well, these croakers around here tell you it can't be done, but I'm

telling you it can.

You remember the manual said I couldn't splice rudder cable?

One-six left.

That's right, and that one-six is gonna be enough.

Because we're going to learn that 1-6 to carry the whole load all the way down to

these feeder circuits.

You know, these medics here never saw no one wire around a bad magneto post.

That's true.

Doctor, you heard him. He gives me a chance.

I heard him.

But you know.

Well, we never give up hope.

We'll do the best we can.

Carson, when were you busted back?

Hey, Mr. Weedy, recognize me. Do I have to have him around?

You want him spanking? No, but I guess you'll have to do.

I've assigned Miss Crumley to your case, Weed.

Fine woman, fine nurse.

Anything we can do, Miss Crumley, just give us a buzz.

This is Miss Crumley.

How is he, Carson?

What do you expect?

I can't get the guy to eat. He won't sleep.

He hasn't eaten a thing.

I can ask him to touch the orange juice, a piece of toast, soup or something, but

he don't want to touch nothing.

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Kids?

Oh, they're fine.

They know?

Big one does.

Little one thinks she just took off again.

Oh, um, she's worn the beads around her neck.

Is it raining?

Yeah.

Those doctors, did they tell you it was no go?

Look, Spig, they haven't given up hope.

Don't you?

Oh, it's got all twisted, Min.

Stay broke and never move.

I won't let you believe that.

You always yelled that I moved around too much. Maybe you were right.

You know what else you said that was right?

Damn the martinis, full speed ahead.

Well, you be like that, Min.

You be on your own from now on.

Don't talk like that, Spade.

You'll be all right again. Oh, don't pity me. I never pitied anybody, so I

don't want any.

Sorry, Spig.

You're right.

Don't pity yourself, either.

Get out in the world.

Be alive.

Take your turn.

I took mine.

All right, Spig.

Let's have it.

What are you trying to tell me? We were just about through anyway, Min.

We'd lost it. It got away from us.

Whatever it was, and we both remember the good part,

the fine time, let's not louse it up and

let it be something bad and hopeless just because we couldn't keep it.

I'll bring the kids in to see you. No.

I couldn't take it.

Will you tell me when?

I'll tell you when.

Big one.

She's like me.

Don't let her get away with a thing.

Picklepuss.

A little old picklepuss. She's like... like you.

Love her hard.

She's lost without it.

So long, Spade.

So long.

Good luck.

Good morning.

Is it still raining?

Rain in California?

Guys, don't knock the rain. Rain makes the corn jump up. Cows eat the corn,

boom, you got porterhouse.

Went over to Tijuana and got some of that panther sweat.

Medicinal panther sweat.

Tequila.

Besides, if we didn't have any rain, we wouldn't have any ocean. No ocean, no

Navy. No Navy, no retired pay. You and me would have to go to work.

You about ready to get started?

Why not?

Okay. Now, that brain of yours is like a generator.

What we're gonna do is generate that power right past that break in your

spinal cord all the way down here to these fetus circuits they call nerves.

And we're gonna start with this big left pinky.

You feel that?

No. Well, anyway, that's it.

Now, you start saying, I'm gonna move that toe.

Come on, mister, say it.

Move.

Move. No, say it nice. Say it nice.

Come on, say it, mister.

I'm gonna move that toe. Say it. I'm gonna move that toe. All right, say it

again. I'm gonna move that... All right, louder.

I'm gonna move that... Say it again.

I'm gonna move that... Keep saying it.

I'm gonna move that toe. Come on, believe it.

I'm gonna move that toe. That again.

I'm gonna move that toe. Louder, once more.

I'm gonna move that toe.

All right, knock it off. Take a little rest.

Anything happen?

No, not yet.

Let's put some oil in the crankcase.

Now, don't be impatient. We got lots of time, Mr. Weed.

That's enough. We're gonna stick right at this.

Start saying it again. I'm gonna move that toe. Let's go. I'm gonna move that

toe. Come on, loud.

I'm gonna move that toe. All right, believe it. I'm gonna move that toe.

Again. I'm gonna move that toe. Believe it. I'm gonna move that toe. Come on,

go. I'm gonna move that toe.

Go ahead.

Get that man's name!

Quick, did you see what I got?

I kicked myself all the way back from that joint for not thinking of it

before. Get a load of this, Mr. Weed. We got this thing whipped.

Tell me now, what do you see in there?

Dolores, roommate... No, no, no, no. Down here, down here. Can you see this?

Huh? Yeah.

All right, take a look at this. Can you see your big pinky?

Yes. All right, keep your eye on it. And let's get started. Come on, same old

thing.

I'm gonna move that toe. Go ahead.

I'm gonna move that toe. Right, say it.

I'm gonna move that toe. Come on, mean it.

I'm gonna move that toe.

You mean I could kill myself?

No, I'm just saying you could overdo the work.

Well, I don't care too much anymore which way it is, but one of us is gonna

give, either me or that big toe.

You may just be right.

You're sleeping better, eating better.

Carson. Yes, sir.

This is strictly against regulations, but I feel it might do him some good.

Alcohols? Oh, no, no, whiskey.

A few drops of... Oh, no, sir, I couldn't do that.

Orange juice.

Yes, it's an orange juice. Don't have it for me. Oh, no, no. Right. All right,

sir, trust me. Keep it under your hat. Yes, sir.

See you, Spade. Keep it up.

How's your patient?

Still alive.

I'll drop in to see him.

All right, hit it and hit it hard. I'm gonna move that toe.

I'm gonna move that toe. Well, doctor, sir.

And Miss Crumley.

Good evening, Wade.

Good evening, doctor.

Well, quite an arrangement.

My idea, sir.

Dolores.

Oh, by the way, I was talking to the commander of the base about Carson's

temporary duty.

What did he say?

As far as they're concerned, they hope he never comes back.

Uh, if you'll excuse us, Miss Crumley. Yes, doctor.

Carson. Yes, sir.

This is against all medical ethics, Carson, but the slightly debilitating

effects of alcohol are more than compensated for by the physical

stimulation and the marked psychological benefit to be derived.

I was thinking the same thing myself, sir.

In other words, a good cycle of booze won't hurt him.

I want you to give him some of this.

All of it, sir?

No, no, no. A spoonful at a time? Yes. A little water or orange juice?

Grapefruit. Grapefruit juice, right, sir. And if it doesn't upset Mr. Weed,

we might have another bottle for next week.

We'll see. But keep it under your hat. Trust me, sir.

I can make better booze than that. All right, let's go.

I'm going to move that. Come on, Mr. Wade.

That's it.

I'm going to move that.

I'm gonna move that toe I'm gonna move that toe I'm gonna move that toe

I'm gonna move that toe I'm gonna move that toe I'm gonna

move that toe I'm gonna move that toe I'm gonna move that toe

I'm gonna move that toe.

I'm gonna move that toe.

I'm gonna move that toe.

I'm gonna move that toe.

I gotta move that toe.

I gotta move it.

I gotta move that toe.

I gotta move that toe.

I gotta move that toe.

I'm gonna move it. I gotta move...

More? Please.

Now, you enjoy that nice fresh air.

Good morning.

Well, look at you.

Pretty soft.

All you gotta do is lay there, look at the little children out in the park,

pretty ships out in the bay. What are the men with legs doing? Oh, they're

trying to learn to use their heads.

The millionaires are back from Florida and the bums are out of the pool rooms

for the summer. What are you reading?

Dane's murder what?

Love.

Lousy. He writes like he'd use my big toe for a pencil.

You don't like any of the books I bring you, do you?

You don't even like the one I swiped from the chaplain. You know, the one

that was banned in Boston?

You don't like my literature.

Why don't you try writing some yourself?

It's not a bad idea.

No pictures.

You know, as far as I can make out, writing is just like telling lies, only

they wrap it up in fancy paper.

You were about the world's greatest natural-born liar I ever met, so why

don't you try it?

Eight months.

Oh, quit, Billy. Eight months, and that seems like eight years.

What are you crying about? You were 4 to 1 not to be here at all. And you were

about 100 to 1 never to be puffing on a cigarette, and about 500 to 1 not to be

propped up here like the sultan of pandemonium, and about a million to 1

not to be able to sign your name on your paycheck, which incidentally, after the

allotment for your wife and the kids, came to 94 bucks.

So I gave 10 bucks to each of the charge accounts, which left us 14 fish. Here

you are. Sign it.

Broke, you are busted.

Alice!

Oh, well, hello, Alice. Or is it Agatha? Or is it Dolores? No, it couldn't be

Dolores.

Hey, that's not bad.

That's the best yet.

The best yet. Well, let's get to work.

All right.

Who sent the flowers?

Send what?

Those red roses.

Don't look at me. I'm not in the habit of sending flowers to men.

Let me know where you can see it, all right? Okay, there?

All right, now remember, what we got to do is concentrate, huh? Was there a card

in them? No, there was no card.

Okay, now, when you think... Are you sure there was no card in them? I told

you there was no card.

Use your brain for a generator, all right?

Let's push that power all the way down, right down here to these feet of nerves,

right? Right in here, okay?

Got the idea?

All right, now let's concentrate.

Ah, that's it. That's the idea.

It moved.

What? Mr.

Wee, I... The foot.

Do it again.

What? Move, move.

He moved.

He moved his toe, Mr. Crumley.

Why do you always have her husband coming through the door with a gun?

Don't the guy ever get away with it?

I never did a long time ago.

You're late. Here you are, right off the boat. Straight off.

Ha, ha.

Hi, Mr. Wade.

Gee, you look great.

Just great.

Thanks. Sitting up in bed and everything.

Still writing up stories?

Arab shikes?

Moira?

Now I believe in miracles.

That's all that happens.

Except there.

What's that, Spade?

20 for 20.

20 stories, 20 rejections.

I'm batting zero, zero, zero.

What you're batting?

Let's have it straight, Doc.

You gonna retire me?

I'm afraid I am.

But we've got some good news for you, Spade. Good news.

Here you are, sir. Wheels for legs.

Doctor, permission, please.

Miss Crumley has made a request which is strictly against naval regulations.

But if my colleague concurs... Oh, by all means, Doctor.

Permission granted.

Thank you, Doctor.

This is elderberry wine that my aunt made back in Wisconsin, especially for

this occasion.

Oh, Miss Crumbly, thanks.

Thanks.

Wind. Sky.

Sea. And elderberry wine.

Simple things, eh, Jughead?

Sheer poetry.

Now, Mr. Weed, sit back and close your eyes.

What for? As I said so.

Take a look.

Saratoga. First real carry.

Yep. Pretty as you.

She's a beautiful lady.

Who's upstairs?

Mr. Price.

That's his squadron.

Maybe not in the news.

Take me back.

What?

I said take me back.

You say, Mr. Wade.

Let me have that safe.

Thank you.

Okay, Arizona, let's go.

Right there. Hold it right there.

Hang on.

All right, one second.

All right, sir, up you go now. One.

All right, fingers. There we go.

That's it.

That's it.

Take it easy up there, sir. All right.

All right, sir, here's yesterday's mark. Now let's try and pass that one today.

Okay.

Come on, pick him up. Lay him down.

That's it. One.

Let's try with the other one.

Mr. Weed?

That's it. Try with the other one. Come on, stand on it. Don't shoot with the

crutches. Come on.

Stand up on him.

Come on.

Pick him up. Shut up, Pincus. Pick him up and lay him down. Just listen to me,

Mr. Weed.

That's it. One more.

Come on. Come on. Sure you can. We did this yesterday. Come on.

Pick him up. Lay him down.

Come on. That's it. Stand on that one, Mr. Weed.

That's it. Don't cheat with those crutches. I'm telling you.

That's it. Pick him up. Lay him down. That's it. Pick him up. Lay him down.

Just say it to yourself.

Pick that up and lay it down.

Pick. That's it. And one more. I'll hold it right there, sir.

Right, sir. Now, it's yesterday's mark. Now, today, here's where we go today.

Oh, I think that's it. Oh, you're going to make it. Now, come on. Come on. You

just believe in this. Listen to me, Mr. Weed. Come on.

Pick them up.

Lay them down. Come on.

Pick them up. One more, sir. One more. Just one more.

Just one more.

Hey, John Dale. How are you, boy? Home as a sailor. Yeah, you're looking good.

You're looking a thousand miles new. Oh, thank you. I'm walking, or toddling.

Yeah? Say, I brought you some flowers.

Red roses?

Well, sure, red roses. You brought them for me? Yeah.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Hey, what's this? You finally made it. Congratulations.

We're gonna have to celebrate that and wet them down.

Maybe we better wait till I get them paid for.

Say, Spig, did you see her out there?

Yeah. I saw her.

She's a beaut, ain't she?

She sure is.

Travis wanted me to tell you, Spig, you helped us get that ship.

You can help us again.

We need a dozen more just like her.

What do you want me to do, go back to study?

No.

But yesterday a man came down from Hollywood asking about a carrier movie.

He asked the old man, and the old man dumped him in my lap.

Well, I was looking around for the next lap to put him in when I remembered what

you once said about getting the public on our side, getting them to help us out

with the money men in Congress.

Well, I figured a lot of the public could go to see a good movie about

carriers, so I tossed him a couple of bones, and he wants to talk to you.

He wants me to write about carriers?

Why not?

Well, how does he know I can write?

Well, he knows he can't.

Well, I'm a writer without a reader.

That's not exactly what I told him.

Hey, that's good.

Hold on to your hat and cross your fingers, Mr... Well, hi, Mr. Price. Hi,

Jughead. Oh, congratulations.

You're all gonna get re-elected?

Uh-huh.

Here goes, Mr. Frank Weed, Jr. That's a bill, Mr. Frank Weed. A bill, Melford,

Austin, Carson. No, not that.

Mr. Frank Weed, Jr.

What is it?

Another rejection?

It's got a different envelope, sir. And they didn't send the story back this

time. Open it up. Open it up. You open it.

Pay to the order of Frank Weed, Jr.

100 bucks. I told you, if you got the husband out of there with a gun, you'd

get lucky.

One hundred bucks, we're rich! May I be the first to congratulate you, sir?

This part's for a celebration. How about a drink? Oh, I couldn't be any party to

that, sir.

Well, I think that under the circumstances... Would you like these in

the bar, sir?

No. Just leave them right here.

To the first story.

To Mr. Price's wife.

And the red roses.

Pretty good liar, aren't you, Johnny?

And three swell guys.

I'm, uh, Commander Weed. I think Miss... I'm sorry, but Mr. Dodge.

I believe he's expecting you, Commander Weed.

Thank you.

The weed is here.

Blast that stone wall. I told you I was in conference.

I'm not supposed to be disturbed under any second...

Oh.

Come on in.

Come in. Come in. It's good to see you. Fine. All right.

Get over here and sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Have to kind of watch that couch.

It's got a hidden spring in it someplace that surprises us sometimes.

Watch that door.

Familiar?

Yeah, Commander.

I find that about this time of the afternoon, a little drink's very good

for you. Good for the pump, you know?

Here you are.

I used to make excuses when I drank in the afternoon, too.

Funny thing, a man always makes the loudest excuses to himself.

That's a fact.

That sure is a fact. Right here, Commander.

There you are.

Commander of a portable typewriter.

That can be a lot harder to handle in a battleship. I found that out.

Well, I know you haven't had much experience writing.

And none at all in pictures.

But I've heard about you.

It all sounded like you were just the man I wanted for a story about the Navy.

I don't want a story just about ships and planes. I want a story about the

officers and... And the men that run them.

That's exactly it.

For example, do you happen to know any chief buddy officers?

Do I? Hand me that cane. No, I'm kidding.

Well, I want this story from a pen dipped in salt water, not dry martinis.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. Damn the martinis. Full speed ahead.

Would you like to take a crack at it? That's why I'm here.

Well, good. Come on, let's go.

Can I give you a hand? No, I'm all right. Oh, sorry, sorry.

I didn't know this man had been injured. Why didn't you tell me?

Well, give him that office across the way and see that he gets everything he

wants.

Now, Commander, what do they call you? Spig, isn't it? That's right.

Mind if I call you Spig? Not at all.

Christmas Jackson.

Stonewall Jackson, Commander Wheat.

Hello, Commander.

You mind if I call you Stonewall? Not at all.

Stonewall's been with me for 22 years.

She's my brother.

She likes your script, I throw it away.

Wouldn't know what to do without her. Now, go to work.

Oh.

You didn't ask about your salary.

Well, I figured you'll pay me what I'm worth.

What you have to worry about is that I'm worth what you pay me.

It's a deal.

Well, wait a minute. Is that all?

What do you need? Pencil and paper?

Well, what do I write about?

People. Navy people.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Clap that off, will ya? What's the idea?

That was on the level. Certainly it was. I came down here to knock your block

off. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Congratulations, Commander.

How'd you like that kid with beer inside? Right.

Sign him up.

Spig, I've been thinking about that title, Hell Divers.

Great title.

Of course, we'll have to take it up with the Hays office.

You can't say hell on the screen, you know.

Listen, Spig, you might just as well face it.

Writing is the loneliest job in the world. There's nobody there but you.

And I'll give you 50, I'll give you 100 of one, your play won't be a success.

You're not listening to me. You blame me?

Not a bit.

Spig, I know the stage, I know the screen.

I've toured every tank town from East Burlap, Maine, to West Burlap, Oregon.

I even played in this thing once.

Ulysses? Yep.

You played in Ulysses? Bowling Green, Kentucky.

I played Robert E. Lee.

Look, you got a beautiful home here, half paid for, half empty. But no, you

gotta go to New York and do a play.

I'll give you a thousand to one. You'll have the worst flop that ever hits

Broadway.

Nice going, nice going, Mr. Lee. Thanks, Joe.

Looks like you got a hit.

Jughead. Yes, sir. Carson. Lady of the U.S. Navy. I thought you were running a

chicken farm.

I was running a chicken farm, but I didn't give it up. Chickens get up too

early. Early to bed, early to rise. Might as well be dead.

Big play right now, huh?

Rich as creosote.

Never could find time to drop a guy a line, though. Not even a Christmas card.

Okay, Carson.

So I'm a stuffed shirt. That's right.

So I'm a horse's rump. Correct.

Well, that was yesterday.

Where are we going now?

We're going to our saloon. Where else?

This chicken ranch of mine was six miles from my nearest neighbor.

She was a Polish lady that weighed 258 pounds.

And when she started looking good to me, I blew.

What are you going to do with all your loot?

You know who it's for.

Who? The kids. Who else?

How are they doing?

They're both in school.

I'm going to get them out there with me.

How old can we get?

You ever hear from her?

She's doing fine.

Has a job in San Francisco.

And she's happy.

Is she married?

Yes. To me.

Well, you're going to get the kids. Why don't you get her?

Buy yourself a yacht. Take a trip around the world before it blows up.

I'll sail it for you.

I'm no good for her.

I can remember when they gave you two chances to live.

Slim and none.

But you made it.

And I can remember you had two crutches and 14 bucks which you parlayed into a

fortune. Of course, that's before you became fat and bald-headed.

Them days, all you ever asked for was a chance.

Do you think I've got a chance with her?

Well, what makes you think you ain't?

Come on.

Where are you going? We're going to the airport.

I'm gonna put you on a plane for San Francisco. After that, you're on your

own. Here, give me that. Don't you know rich guys like you never pick up a tab?

Come on, we got 46 minutes to catch that plane.

Hi, man.

Big playwright. Huh.

Huh. I was gonna call you, and then I decided to get cute again.

Here, let me take your coat.

Cashmere.

Here, let me help you. No, I... Sure.

Go ahead.

Well, what are we going to talk about?

You heard from the kids?

Sure. I hear from them every week. That's how I know about you.

Your pictures, your plays, your books.

Somehow or other, you always manage to stand out in their letters.

Second year of college.

Yeah.

Spig, you mean an awful lot to them.

Why don't you have them with you for a while?

I want to.

That's one of the reasons I'm here.

I think you should. I think they need you.

And I need them, too.

I need more than that.

I need you.

Hard to believe?

A little.

Just believe it, Min.

Don't analyze it or take it apart or look at it too hard.

I've done all that.

Just believe it.

I don't know, Spig.

I've made a new life for myself.

At least I can be what I am and what I want to be.

I've got somewhere. Sure, sure, you're somewhere.

The kids are somewhere, and I'm somewhere.

But we're really nowhere, unless we're together.

If it isn't a family, it's nothing.

Maybe it's too late.

Maybe.

What are you all dressed up for? Where are you going? To Mass on the Sabbath,

and it wouldn't do you any harm someday.

Perhaps you're going to confession, too.

I might.

And what put that in your evil mind, Craig?

This room.

The kitchen.

And the bar.

And the ashes.

And the dust.

Unmitigated sloppiness.

I'm guilty.

We're both guilty.

But we're gonna reform, old felon.

Because in just a few seconds, I'm going over, pick up that phone, call my wife,

and she's coming here to live with us.

Herself? Herself.

You mean your wife is coming here to live with us? She is.

Oh, God bless you. And God bless her for her foolishness.

Long distance?

I want San Francisco.

Sutter 2-3-9-6-9.

Crestview 4-5-1-0.

How long will it wait?

Yes, ma'am.

I'll be right here. Thank you.

The Japanese.

Pearl Harbor. What are you talking about? The newsboy just told me. The

Japanese bombs.

Turn on the radio.

...and launched an attack on the giant U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor. The

planes appeared utterly without warning, apparently coming from aircraft carriers

which had been moved forward during the night.

The enemy craft were over the island of Oahu for one hour and 20 minutes,

bombing the naval base and nearby Hickam Field.

The White House has just announced that one old battleship capsized, several

others were hit, and a destroyer was sunk.

American casualties are said to total three pounds, of which 1,500 were

killed.

Min?

Did you hear it?

I just turned off the radio.

Of course you'll try, Spade.

Well, I'll try.

You know I've got to try, Min.

I'll go there.

To Washington.

Talk to them.

Maybe they won't have me. I don't know.

If I don't have you, Spig, I will.

Well, that's all I need.

That's all I've got, Spig.

I said that's all I've got!

Bye, Spig.

And you want active duty?

Combat? I've never been under fire, you know that, sir.

Are you looking for a thrill?

Just a fight.

Spig, let's talk like what we are, old friends.

Old, I said.

Even a sailor must do it, get old.

Like Nimitz, Halsey, and Pete Metcher?

Spig, you know better than this.

A war gets fought at a desk just as hard as it does on a flattop. It gets won and

lost by logistics.

And I'll let you in on something.

Every plan that we ever had is down at the bottom of Pearl Harbor.

Yeah, we lost our Sunday shirt.

That bad?

Yeah, that bad.

Now, you see this?

Well, this is sort of a flat top.

I'm sticking my neck out.

You want one, you can have one.

I'll try it for size, Admiral, and thanks.

The name's still Jack.

Farrington, get him a uniform, a desk, and a drink.

He's going to go to work for the first time in his life.

Aye, aye, sir.

I'm all right.

Well, more on the way.

Well, they won't help.

They won't help now.

Every battle we fight depends on the big carriers.

But there's a limiting factor.

Planes and crews.

Can't carry enough.

There ought to be some way to keep them in action.

Yeah, but how?

Well, it's a simple thing. It keeps going around in my head like a forgotten

name.

What do you do when you're stuck like that, Levi?

Well, I go through the alphabet backwards, sir.

I take a long cold beer.

Back in Hollywood, we cut to the 7th Cavalry.

Johnny! I've been looking high and low for you.

Well, what do you know?

Yeah, my uncle got re-elected again. You got your command?

Task force.

Come back, you lucky dog.

Say, and you, I have been calling your hotel, and you haven't checked in for

three days.

What are you doing, sleeping on this deck?

Well... Say, now, I've got three hours to kill, and I got a jeep outside.

Come on, and I'll buy you the tallest, coldest beer... You got a what outside?

A jeep.

That's it.

That's a forgotten name. Jeep.

Jeep carriers.

It was there all the time. I knew it'd be simple once we thought of it. Hand me

that Liberty ship.

Give me a chair.

Drag up a chair.

That's it, Johnny.

Jeep carriers.

That's the limiting factor.

Speak, I haven't got too much time.

Yeah.

So long, partner.

So long.

That's what we've been needing.

Johnny!

John Dale!

Akagi? I know all that.

Reed? Yes, sir. Let's have it.

Well, these big combat carriers are still the spear point of battle, but now

backing them up, we have these jeep carriers loaded with planes and crews.

If the big carrier loses a plane, she radios back, and a replacement is

immediately underway.

The big carrier stays in action.

You can get this on paper?

Yes, sir.

I like it.

Write it up.

Eureka.

Cut me some orders, boy.

Welcome home, sailor. Hello, jock.

How you feeling? Like an old fire horse. Good. Thanks for everything.

Thanks for nothing.

Well, as she is, she's all yours.

Oh, I want you to say hello to an old pal of yours.

Doc! Hiya, fella.

Oh, half man, half worm, half wet.

Well, I got the last chapter of the book.

Come on, speak.

I'll show you to the royal suite.

Knock it off.

How'd you angle this?

Same as you.

Drag, pull, juice.

I know where the bodies are buried.

You buried them.

Thanks, Juggernaut.

So you finally made it.

Come on, let me show you around.

I got the crap game. And everything else.

Yeah, too many soft years.

Living off the fat of the land, huh? Well, the sea will bring it up. Yeah,

well, don't worry. I'll make a man of it again.

And the next time you walk in that door, sailor, salute.

Aye, aye, sir.

Hey, wait. This is pretty nice, huh?

You and me and old jock and the doc.

All we need now is Pincus.

What ever happened to Pincus?

He made us fight to the old Arizona.

For a lot of it.

You know where we're going? I've got a general idea.

You're going to see yourself some action, sailor. There's all hands at

your battle stations.

Colin, on your plane.

Yep, plenty of action.

You're going to see Ireland grabbing the hard way, step by step on the Tokyo

Road. You'll see us pounding away with everything we've got, and then pounding

back at us with everything they've got.

And then we'll see if your jeep carriers can send replacement planes fast enough

to keep the big carriers in their slugger.

Because the big carriers are it, sailor. High load, jacking the game.

Nine minutes, 56 seconds.

Good job, Stig. Swell show.

If we'd had your plan at Tarawa, we could have saved so many customers. When

are you gonna get some sleep? You've been going for 54 hours straight. I'll

sleep after the party. The party's as good as over. And I'm as good as asleep

right here. Come on, Cap. Make him go to bed. Go to bed? No, sir.

Here's the Oscar, sir.

Ah, we've got him now.

Listen to this, Jughead.

Formal resistance has collapsed on all fronts as of 1242.

Vigilance against die-hard individual action will be maintained.

But your commander is signaling Washington that Coeur d'Alene is ours

and signals each of you, well done.

Clear path to the Marianas. A clear path to bed for you.

I haven't even got under fire.

Well, try getting under the sheets. Come on, Cap, make an order, will you? That's

an order, Spick. I'll fix the coffee.

No cream, no sugar.

I guess I forgot the stick out my hand.

Chuck.

That's it!

This is a game you have to think, you know. Use my brain a little bit when

you're playing. Relax.

Hi. Hi.

Well, I had to get to battle.

I got you killed.

I'm a Gemini. You can't kill me until after the 17th of the month. Well,

anyway, Frank Meriwell Jr.

had to see action.

You did me a favor. I'm a wounded hero. They're even gonna give me a medal.

I got a month at Waikiki and a son on the surf.

Gin Rummy.

Gin. Those beautiful nurses.

Hey, do you remember the nurse that you had in San Diego?

Miss Crumley. I want you to meet her son.

Name is McGuffey, sir. McGuffey Crumley. Put the black king on the red ace. He

even cheats when he plays for me.

Is there anything you need?

Yeah, but you ain't got it out here.

Well, look, Jughead, I'm trying to say it. You don't look so good yourself.

Why don't you move over?

Yeah.

Well, I, uh... Drop in and see a guy, will you?

There it is, Spade.

Looks like a drunken grasshopper.

No good?

Lousy.

How long does it say?

Three days, three months, three years.

Okay.

Why not?

I'd like to have you do me a favor, Johnny.

If I can.

Even if you can't.

Try me.

A lot of people went to some trouble to get me out here.

I know.

I don't want them to blame themselves.

Why should they?

I don't know why. I just don't want it.

What do you want?

You to snip a little red tape.

Go on.

I'd like to go over the side quietly.

Retire.

The tape?

Yeah.

Let them think I was beat up.

All right, Spade.

Will you get a load of all the brass over there? Yeah.

Army brass, too.

Reset!

Well, Spade?

Thanks for the ride, Jock. Good luck, fella.

That'll do with the side.

Johnny?

Thank you, sir.

Shorty, how do you speak?

No cake?

No cakes.

And no swimming pool.

Good luck, fella.

So long.