Original subtitles

(horn blows) (upbeat music)

♫ He's Vic the Viking

♫ Sailing the seas, it's Vic the Viking

♫ Full of ideas, it's Vic the Viking

♫ Say won't you take us with you please?

♫ He's Vic the Viking

♫ Vic the Viking

♫ With new adventures Vic the Viking

♫ Vic the Viking

♫ Battle the dangers Vic The Viking

♫ Vic the Viking

♫ Bring every enemy to his knees

♫ Vic the Viking

- What are you doing?

- They're mittens, Little Pops.

They'll be really useful.

- Vikings don't need mittens.

If your hands are cold you sit on them.

What do you think Odin gave you a bottom for?

Hmph, a Viking doesn't fear the cold.

He fears nothing!

- Except his wife.

When he doesn't do a share of the housework.

- Oh...

What do you mean?

- It's your turn to wash the dishes.

- Well, we better be going or we'll miss the tide.

Last one to the drakkar is a stinky seal.

- Hmm?

(snickers giddily)

(Caribbean limbo music)

- Follow me, Vicky.

Bye, Ylva!

Missing you already.

- You haven't heard the last of this.

(board snaps loudly)

(shouts)

- Is the tar ready yet?

(screams)

- Oh, the tar patch!

(screams)

My boots are bewitched.

- My, Gorme, you're just stuck in some sticky tar. (giggles)

(screams)

(giggles) Now this is how you hold things

which are too hot to handle.

(gasps in amazement)

- Gather 'round, men.

Today we set sail for the Rainy Isles.

Huh?

Hmph!

It's going to be dark.

It's going to be damp.

And it's going to be dangerous.

But Urobe has assured me

that paths there are paved with gold.

And we'll all return rich men.

(cheering merrily)

(shouts in pain)

(snoring)

- No, I don't believe mermaids exist.

- That's what you said about America

before we discovered it.

- Mermaids ahoy!

- Where!?

Oh!

Oh yeah!

- Huh? - Where?

- You choose.

That's the problem with drakkars,

the front and the back look the same.

(boat crashes) (Vikings shouting)

- What do you think you mermaids are doing

distracting my men?

We could've had a nasty accident.

- I already have.

- I'm not a mermaid.

What do you think these are?

- Uh, is this a trick question?

- They're legs, dad.

- Ohh...

- I am Rhiannon.

Welcome to the Rainy Isles.

Let us do our welcome dance for our handsome visitors.

Jazz hands, ladies!

You'll get a much better view if you stand here.

- Ugh, sticky.

(bagpipe folk music)

♫ Golden boys are out to play

♫ The sun will shine throughout the day

♫ Leave your sword and leave you shield

♫ And join your fellows in the field

- I've got a bad feeling about this.

- I know what you mean.

I'm no fan of folk dancing myself.

Give me a fike any day.

- [Rhiannon] Girls, disarm them

- Huh?

- Prepare yourselves for a taste of British justice.

- What does she mean, Little Pops?

- Beats me.

Women aren't difficult to understand, Vicky.

They're impossible to understand.

Take me to your leader.

- You're looking at her.

I am Queen Rhiannon.

- I meant your bravest, strongest man.

- Here.

Our menfolk stay at home.

We women are the warriors.

- I demand my rights under the, uh...

Oslo Agreement!

I'm entitled to an arm wrestling match to win my freedom.

- Okay, let's do it.

- (stammers nervously) I've decided to waive my rights.

- Let the trial commence.

- Trial? But what have we done?

- Ahem.

On July the 5th, last, beautiful Southend on Sea

suffered the fury of the Norsemen.

They pillaged, ransacked,

and generally made a terrible mess.

- It can't be us.

We always tidy up afterwards.

- Therefore, their leader must face three trials by ordeal.

Earth, wind and fire.

- Ha! Bring it on.

- But papa, what if you fail?

- Then, you Vikings must all wash dishes

for the whole village until the end of time.

(cheering)

First, the accused must face Trial Under Turf.

He has to path underneath without touching it.

- Impossible.

- Imagine it's mom's arm barring the way.

- Ah, gotcha.

(Caribbean limbo music)

- Yay! (celebratory cheers)

- You're very flexible.

And now the Wind of Righteousness.

It should blow as powerful as usual

with the next change of tide.

Only the innocent can withstand its mighty blast.

- That can't be Odin's ravens this far south.

- [Halvar] What? What're you doing, Vicky?

- Oh!

Whoa!

(screams)

- Ew, it's sticky.

- Whoa! (shouting)

Oof!

Vikings, two.

- Britons, nil.

(laughing happily)

- And finally, the Fire of Judgment.

The accused must lift the burning blade.

If his hands are scorched then he is guilty.

(gasps)

- Oh no, what're we gonna do?

(laughing wickedly)

- Aha!

(whispering)

- Hmm?

What are you doing?

- Uh, you don't want to see grown Viking cry, do you?

(grunts of disgust)

(grunting and shouting)

(triumphant music)

- You're innocent?

- [Vikings] Yay!

What a great idea.

Who made them?

- Oh, uh, Vic must've made them during the trial.

I've tried to stop him sewing but you know kids nowadays.

They never listen.

(chuckles heartily)

- But I was sure you were the Norsemen who raided our home.

I heard the raiders calling out a name.

What was it?

- [Halvar] Benny?

- Leon?

- Agnesya!

- Sven!

- That's it!

That's the Norseman who attacked us.

- Let's pay the Britons a return visit.

I remember it was like taking

broad bean cake from a baby (laughs)

- You actually tried to take broad bean cake from a baby.

- D'oh! And I told you never to mention it again!

(stammers nervously)

- What kind of person is this Sven, anyway?

- You should hear the things he says.

- Uh, that's right.

He says no woman could make him wash dishes.

(gasps)

- We'll see about that.

Girls, prepare to give our pirate visitors

a welcome they won't forget.

(laughing happily)

- Good luck!

- We don't need luck.

We're pirates.

(laughing)

- Ohh...

- Remind me.

- Who's going to do the bowing?

(chuckles)

- That'd be me, madam.

Ohh...

- Well, we didn't find the paths of gold.

But I realized I've got a little treasure here at home.

Your mom.

- I'm glad you're back.

I've saved all the washing up for you.

- On second thoughts.

(whistling)

Set sail for the Rainy Isles.

- Come on, dad.

We can't keep running forever.

(sighs)

- But sweetie, can't the dishes just wait a little bit?