Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,592
Don't lose your head
2
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:27,559
Don't lose your head
when you can't pay your taxes
3
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:31,359
Don't lose your head
when they're grinding their axes
4
00:00:31,394 --> 00:00:35,035
Try to be calm when your
head's on the block
5
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:38,839
You may be in for a nasty shock
6
00:00:38,874 --> 00:00:42,734
Don't lose your head,
get a hold of your wig
7
00:00:42,769 --> 00:00:46,601
Smile when the grave-digger
starts out to dig
8
00:00:46,636 --> 00:00:50,434
Don't lose your head,
you'll get by in the end
9
00:00:50,469 --> 00:00:54,035
Don't lose your head, my friend
10
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,074
Don't lose your head
when they're screaming for blood
11
00:01:00,109 --> 00:01:03,771
Don't lose your head,
or your name will be mud
12
00:01:03,806 --> 00:01:07,602
You're asking for trouble
if you've no head
13
00:01:07,637 --> 00:01:11,364
Because, when you wake up, you'll be dead
14
00:01:11,399 --> 00:01:15,157
Don't lose your head
when the world's at its worst
15
00:01:15,192 --> 00:01:18,990
Don't lose your head
when the bubble has burst
16
00:01:19,025 --> 00:01:22,788
Don't lose your head,
you'll get by in the end
17
00:01:22,823 --> 00:01:26,316
Don't lose your head, my friend
18
00:01:26,351 --> 00:01:28,356
The Marseillaise
19
00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:34,035
Don't lose your head, my friend
20
00:01:34,070 --> 00:01:38,004
Paris, 1789. The Great Revolution has begun.
21
00:01:38,039 --> 00:01:40,275
The hands of the masses are smeared
22
00:01:40,276 --> 00:01:42,511
with the blood of the
poor bleeding aristocracy.
23
00:01:42,546 --> 00:01:44,795
The tumbrels run a regular
half -hour service
24
00:01:44,830 --> 00:01:48,117
between the Bastille
and the many guillotines around the city.
25
00:01:48,152 --> 00:01:50,121
The growing mounds of noble heads
26
00:01:50,156 --> 00:01:53,994
are only matched by the growing mounds
of unused return tickets.
27
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:57,353
No-one is spared.
Madame La Guillotine claims them all.
28
00:01:57,388 --> 00:02:00,678
Dukes and duchesses,
lords and ladies, men and women...
29
00:02:00,713 --> 00:02:02,204
of both sexes.
30
00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:03,764
A dozen times an hour,
31
00:02:03,799 --> 00:02:06,110
the drums roll, the blade falls,
32
00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:07,518
and the heads roll.
33
00:02:07,553 --> 00:02:10,677
Yes, every five minutes,
a freshly sliced loaf.
34
00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:15,475
And there, as always, grimly watching
the results of his evil machinations,
35
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,092
keeping a watchful eye
out for queue-jumpers,
36
00:02:18,093 --> 00:02:20,674
stands the most dreaded
man in all France,
37
00:02:20,709 --> 00:02:24,036
Robespierre's Chief of Secret Police,
Citizen Camembert.
38
00:02:24,071 --> 00:02:25,643
Eurgh!
39
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:28,911
And beside him, as always,
keeping count of the grim harvest,
40
00:02:28,946 --> 00:02:32,629
his number-one assistant,
the toadying Citizen Bidet.
42
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,639
I said heads, not tails.
The wretched aristo's the wrong way round.
44
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:50,516
- That Malabonce doesn't know his head...
- Never mind all that. He'll have to aller.
45
00:02:50,551 --> 00:02:52,909
- Eh?
- He'll have to go.
49
00:03:08,708 --> 00:03:11,109
And the next one, s'il vous pla�t.
53
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,440
- What a carve-up.
- Disgusting.
54
00:04:00,475 --> 00:04:03,154
- What, sir?
- That last one had terrible scurf.
55
00:04:03,189 --> 00:04:04,957
Sterilise the blade!
56
00:04:04,992 --> 00:04:07,548
- You can't be too careful.
- Oh, I agree, Citizen.
57
00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:10,119
- Sir!
- Sorry. Citizen, sir.
58
00:04:10,154 --> 00:04:12,549
That's better. What's the tally for today?
59
00:04:12,584 --> 00:04:14,790
Er... 26 head of aristo.
60
00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:16,930
Ooh, that's very good.
61
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,878
Carry on choppin'!
62
00:04:18,913 --> 00:04:20,757
Rule Britannia
63
00:04:20,792 --> 00:04:25,590
Meanwhile, just across the Channel
far removed from the awful scene of carnage,
64
00:04:25,625 --> 00:04:29,958
the cosy little homes of England
ring with merry, carefree laughter,
65
00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:32,439
and satisfied after-dinner belches,
66
00:04:32,474 --> 00:04:37,350
as the aristocracy, oblivious of the horrors
facing their counterparts in France,
67
00:04:37,385 --> 00:04:41,513
continue with their normal and fashionable
country pursuits.
68
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:43,556
Hunting.
69
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,436
And, of course, shooting.
70
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:07,508
Not to mention the most
pleasurable of them all.
71
00:05:07,543 --> 00:05:09,556
Fishing.
72
00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:27,199
No-one indulged in these pleasures
more diligently and energetically
73
00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:31,039
than two of society's most distinguished
and fashionable layabouts -
74
00:05:31,074 --> 00:05:34,078
the powdered, bewigged,
beribboned Sir Rodney Ffing,
75
00:05:34,113 --> 00:05:35,683
with two Fs,
76
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:39,679
and his inseparable companion,
Lord Darcy Pue.
77
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,235
- Good day, gentlemen.
- Good day? I suppose so.
78
00:05:50,270 --> 00:05:53,591
It's all a monstrous bore.
What say you, Darcy, my dear?
79
00:05:53,626 --> 00:05:56,672
- Definitely the same old round.
- Same old people.
80
00:05:56,707 --> 00:05:59,490
- Same old girls.
- Same old tea parties.
81
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,273
- Same old concerts.
- Same old balls.
83
00:06:04,749 --> 00:06:08,392
Henri, we regret to inform you,
we're bored with our appearances.
84
00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:12,035
- Exceeding bored.
- This wig you gave me is absolutely common.
85
00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:14,963
Definitely below your usual standard, Henri.
86
00:06:14,998 --> 00:06:19,551
Please forgive me, but I'm so upset by the
news I've received from my beloved France.
87
00:06:19,586 --> 00:06:21,755
- Your beloved who?
- France, my country.
88
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,155
Oh, I thought he meant a person.
A chap, a girl.
89
00:06:24,190 --> 00:06:26,435
News? What news?
90
00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:29,913
- Why, the Revolution.
- Revolution? What does he mean, Darcy?
91
00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:33,357
Some new form of vice, I imagine.
You know what they're like.
92
00:06:33,392 --> 00:06:35,361
Oh, yes. Another bore.
93
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,616
No. Haven't you heard, gentlemen?
94
00:06:37,617 --> 00:06:39,837
All the French aristocracy
are losing their heads.
95
00:06:39,872 --> 00:06:41,443
But that isn't news!
96
00:06:41,478 --> 00:06:44,438
- By the guillotine.
BOTH: Oh.
97
00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:46,043
Executed.
98
00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:48,081
Oh. For what reason?
99
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:51,078
For no reason,
except that they are lords and ladies.
100
00:06:51,113 --> 00:06:53,469
Ladies too? I say, that isn't cricket.
101
00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:55,117
Damnable waste, to boot.
102
00:06:55,152 --> 00:06:57,480
It's madness, absolute madness.
103
00:06:57,515 --> 00:07:01,354
And no-one is lifting a finger to help them.
No-one at all.
104
00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:03,970
Please excuse me, Sir Rodney.
105
00:07:04,005 --> 00:07:06,517
I am so overcome.
106
00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:09,632
Stab me sideways.
Did you hear that, Darcy, my dear?
107
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,641
They're chopping their heads off.
108
00:07:11,676 --> 00:07:13,796
With no-one lifting a finger to help them.
109
00:07:13,831 --> 00:07:16,200
- Disgraceful.
- Damned.
110
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:19,915
I say, Darcy, my dear.
Do you think that you and I might...
111
00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:22,525
...lift a finger?
- Or two.
112
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,596
I say, that would be a good idea!
113
00:07:24,631 --> 00:07:26,283
Wouldn't it just?
114
00:07:26,318 --> 00:07:28,321
Darcy... to Paris.
115
00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:31,514
And so started the rescue
operation that was to utterly
116
00:07:31,515 --> 00:07:33,094
bewitch, bewilder and bedevil
117
00:07:33,129 --> 00:07:37,833
Citizens Camembert and Bidet. An operation
in which Sir Rodney and Lord Darcy,
118
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:41,276
by means of a series
of audacious ruses and artful disguises,
119
00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:43,920
snatched the victims from the very steps
120
00:07:43,955 --> 00:07:46,355
of Madame La Guillotine.
125
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:01,359
He always leaves one of these behind,
eh, Camembert?
126
00:09:01,394 --> 00:09:03,157
Yes, Citizen Robespierre.
127
00:09:03,192 --> 00:09:05,201
Well, what is it? What's it supposed to be?
128
00:09:05,236 --> 00:09:10,235
From inquiries I've made, I gather it's
a sign used in England to convey contempt
129
00:09:10,270 --> 00:09:11,240
England?
130
00:09:11,275 --> 00:09:15,592
Yes. Many of them have it
on their coats of arms. Two digits, rampant.
131
00:09:15,627 --> 00:09:19,468
Then what you're trying to say is
that this...What did you call him?
132
00:09:19,503 --> 00:09:23,310
The Black Fingernail, for want of a
better name. One nail is black.
133
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,789
Yes, yes, yes!
Is he one of the British aristocracy?
134
00:09:25,824 --> 00:09:27,531
Oh, undoubtedly.
135
00:09:27,566 --> 00:09:29,199
I spit on them.
136
00:09:29,234 --> 00:09:30,833
So do I.
137
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,637
Oh, I beg your pardon.
138
00:09:33,672 --> 00:09:37,673
- He must be stopped, Camembert. - Don't
worry, Citizen. I'll get him next time.
139
00:09:37,708 --> 00:09:39,477
Well, you'd better.
140
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:42,433
The Duc de Pommfrit
goes to the guillotine tomorrow,
141
00:09:42,468 --> 00:09:45,478
as a prominent leader of the
Royalists.
142
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,897
I said Royalists, Camembert.
143
00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:54,040
Oh, yes, of course. (Spits)
144
00:09:54,075 --> 00:09:56,434
That's better. Now, as I was saying,
145
00:09:56,469 --> 00:10:00,200
if the Duc de Pommfrit should escape,
it would be disastrous.
146
00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:02,712
Don't worry, Citizen.
I'll have the guillotine
147
00:10:02,713 --> 00:10:05,189
inspected and put
extra soldiers on duty.
148
00:10:05,224 --> 00:10:08,875
By this time tomorrow,
the Duc of Pommfrit will have had his chips.
149
00:10:29,560 --> 00:10:32,676
Whoa! Here we are, then, Citizens.
150
00:10:32,711 --> 00:10:37,316
This is it. Working models of
the guillotine. Only five francs each.
151
00:10:37,351 --> 00:10:40,631
Complete with six aristos,
with fully detachable heads!
152
00:10:40,666 --> 00:10:42,994
Ha-ha! Take one home to the kids tonight.
153
00:10:43,029 --> 00:10:45,918
Play with it yourself
and watch it fall off in your hands.
154
00:10:45,953 --> 00:10:47,523
Right. Here we are. Five francs.
155
00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:50,438
- Good old Darcy.
- That's right. Lovely.
156
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:53,857
Come on, Bidet. Come on. Let's get started.
157
00:10:53,892 --> 00:10:56,274
Certainly, Citizen, sir. Le Duc de Pommfrit.
158
00:10:56,309 --> 00:10:58,032
Le Duc de Pommfrit!
159
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,949
Le Duc de Pommfrit!
Le Duc de Pommfrit!
160
00:11:03,984 --> 00:11:05,757
That's him. Get ready.
161
00:11:05,792 --> 00:11:08,678
Well, don't just stand there, man.
Go and get him.
162
00:11:08,713 --> 00:11:09,874
Eh? Yes, all right.
163
00:11:09,909 --> 00:11:13,913
Clear the way! Clear the way there!
Get out of it.
164
00:11:13,948 --> 00:11:15,929
Pommfrit.
166
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:20,355
Pommfrit, we're waiting for you.
167
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:22,680
Oh, hello.
168
00:11:22,715 --> 00:11:24,916
I shan't be long. I'm on the last chapter.
169
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:27,958
This is good, you know!
170
00:11:27,993 --> 00:11:30,200
Put that book down.
171
00:11:30,235 --> 00:11:34,074
Oh, I couldn't possibly do that.
This is the latest Marquis de Sade.
172
00:11:34,109 --> 00:11:35,080
Oh.
173
00:11:35,115 --> 00:11:37,725
- Come on.
174
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,842
Take your filthy hands off me, peasant.
175
00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:44,589
Peasant, am I? Let me tell you
that my blood's as good as yours.
176
00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:47,797
Nonsense. Everyone knows
your father was a basket-maker.
177
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,995
Ah-ha. That's where you're wrong, see?
178
00:11:50,030 --> 00:11:53,078
Nobody knows who my father was.
Not even my mother.
180
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,197
You'll laugh on the other side of your face
when your head comes off.
181
00:11:59,232 --> 00:12:02,033
Thank you.
I'm quite capable of making my own way.
183
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,975
Your Grace, there's an urgent
letter for you.
184
00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:29,071
Drop it in the basket. I'll read it later.
186
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,396
Short back and sides.
Not too much off the top.
187
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,595
One has to admire his courage.
188
00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:41,598
These aristos are all the same.
Anything for a giggle.
189
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,320
Hold it. The Duc de Pommfrit?
190
00:12:50,355 --> 00:12:53,512
- Oh, hello. - I'm sorry to
bother you at a time like this.
191
00:12:53,547 --> 00:12:55,556
Quite all right. It happens to all of us.
192
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:57,453
- A pinch?
- Thank you, no.
193
00:12:57,488 --> 00:12:59,281
I represent Lloyd's of London.
194
00:12:59,316 --> 00:13:02,596
- Could I interest you in life insurance?
- No, not today.
195
00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:06,554
It's a very good policy. It covers
accidental death by drowning, shooting,
196
00:13:06,589 --> 00:13:08,561
stabbing, poisoning, hanging...
197
00:13:08,596 --> 00:13:11,523
- Beheading?
- No. We can't take too many risks.
198
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:16,191
What's going on here? You, sir, how dare you
obstruct the course of justice in this way!
199
00:13:16,226 --> 00:13:19,317
- All right. I'm only trying to
make a living. - A living?
200
00:13:19,352 --> 00:13:21,752
- Are you fully covered?
- I hope so.
201
00:13:21,787 --> 00:13:24,118
Come on. Get off. Come on. Allez. Go.
202
00:13:24,153 --> 00:13:27,197
Terribly sorry to keep you waiting,
Your Grace.
203
00:13:27,232 --> 00:13:31,029
That's all very well, but it would
never have happened under a monarchy.
204
00:13:31,064 --> 00:13:33,839
There's no need
to make a political issue out of it.
205
00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:35,478
Carry on, Malabonce.
206
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,255
- Now what's the matter?
207
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,675
I dunno. It worked all right this morning.
208
00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:49,917
Excuse me, but isn't the rope
caught up at the top there?
209
00:13:49,952 --> 00:13:52,320
No, it isn't, and mind your own business.
210
00:13:52,355 --> 00:13:56,444
- I was only trying to help. - We're
quite capable of managing, thank you.
211
00:13:56,479 --> 00:14:00,348
Well, I wish you'd hurry up. I'm getting
a shocking pain in the neck down here.
212
00:14:00,383 --> 00:14:03,512
I assure you, my dear Duke,
that once we get this working,
213
00:14:03,547 --> 00:14:05,556
you'll be the first to know about it.
214
00:14:05,591 --> 00:14:08,611
Excuse me.
I think I can see what the trouble is here.
215
00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:11,632
- What do you know about it?
- Plenty. Take that blade up.
216
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,656
I'm sorry to bother you,
but could you step out?
217
00:14:15,691 --> 00:14:18,193
Oh, really! Just as I was
getting comfortable.
218
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,434
Aha.
219
00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:23,272
I thought so. Who made this thing?
220
00:14:23,307 --> 00:14:24,553
I did.
221
00:14:24,588 --> 00:14:26,601
I approved the design, of course.
222
00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:29,996
Well, you didn't do a very good job.
One of these runners has a kink.
223
00:14:30,031 --> 00:14:32,036
Yes. You have got a kinky runner.
224
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:34,714
I ain't got a kinky runner.
225
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,756
See for yourself.
226
00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,797
I don't see no kink.
227
00:14:40,832 --> 00:14:43,071
- Oh, it's there, all
right. It'll never work.
228
00:14:43,072 --> 00:14:45,311
- Of course it will.
Won't it, Malabonce?
229
00:14:45,346 --> 00:14:46,764
Of course. Course.
230
00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:50,031
- Do you want a bet?
- Yes. 100 francs.
231
00:14:50,066 --> 00:14:52,235
- You're on.
- Right.
232
00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:55,875
- We'll show him, won't we, Malabonce?
- Yeah, yeah. We'll show him.
233
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,379
Mon Dieu!
236
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:07,084
Dear, oh, dear. I owe you 100 francs.
237
00:15:07,119 --> 00:15:10,476
What have I done?
Is there a doctor in the house?
239
00:15:12,357 --> 00:15:14,914
You have no right to get up... Guards!
240
00:15:14,949 --> 00:15:17,289
Guards! Protect my person. Get 'em off.
241
00:15:17,324 --> 00:15:19,630
I'm a faithful servant of the Republic!
242
00:15:19,665 --> 00:15:21,641
You have no right.
243
00:15:21,676 --> 00:15:23,853
- Thank you.
- My pleasure.
244
00:15:23,888 --> 00:15:25,999
Get 'em off. Down! Down!
245
00:15:26,034 --> 00:15:28,111
Help! Help! Guards! Guards!
246
00:15:28,146 --> 00:15:30,071
Protect my person!
247
00:15:30,106 --> 00:15:31,996
Guards! Guards!
248
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,081
You have no right!
249
00:15:35,116 --> 00:15:38,112
I'm Camembert. I'm the big cheese.
250
00:15:38,147 --> 00:15:39,314
Get off.
251
00:15:39,349 --> 00:15:42,637
I'm a member of the Government.
You have no right.
253
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:47,074
It's all the fault of that
insurance salesman.
254
00:15:47,109 --> 00:15:50,078
Where is he? Where's he gone?
I'll have his head for this.
255
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,995
He's gone. So has the Duc de Pommfrit.
256
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:55,956
What?! Aargh!
257
00:15:55,991 --> 00:16:00,358
- What is it, Citizen, sir?
- The Black Fingernail.
258
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,080
It seems that the English have struck again.
259
00:16:04,115 --> 00:16:06,854
Yes, Citizen Robespierre,
but then, they say it's
260
00:16:06,855 --> 00:16:09,593
the one thing the English are good at
- striking!
261
00:16:09,628 --> 00:16:11,954
- I'm not amused.
- Neither am I.
262
00:16:11,989 --> 00:16:14,400
So, Citizen Head of Secret Police Camembert,
263
00:16:14,435 --> 00:16:17,512
the so-called Black Fingernail
has fooled you again.
264
00:16:17,547 --> 00:16:19,556
Oh, I wouldn't say that, Citizen.
265
00:16:19,591 --> 00:16:21,323
- Oh, you wouldn't?
- No.
266
00:16:21,358 --> 00:16:25,357
This is his calling card! It was
found on the guillotine this afternoon.
267
00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:29,321
Yes, that's true, but he didn't fool me.
Oh, no, not for one minute.
268
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:34,195
He didn't? Perhaps I've got the story wrong.
He posed as an insurance salesman. Correct?
269
00:16:34,230 --> 00:16:35,394
Yes.
270
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,204
- He abducted the Duc de Pommfrit?
- Yes.
271
00:16:38,239 --> 00:16:41,118
- And tricked you into executing Malabonce?
- Yes.
272
00:16:41,153 --> 00:16:43,121
And he didn't fool you for one minute?
273
00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:46,357
I knew who he was.
I wanted to see how far he would go.
274
00:16:46,392 --> 00:16:49,203
Mon bloomin' Dieu!
275
00:16:49,238 --> 00:16:51,914
He couldn't have gone very much further,
could he?
276
00:16:51,949 --> 00:16:54,275
I don't know. We've still
got the guillotine.
277
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,434
Now, listen, Camembert.
278
00:16:59,469 --> 00:17:03,438
I want this Fingernail caught.
Do you understand me?
279
00:17:03,473 --> 00:17:07,599
Yes Citizen, but the trouble is, I don't
know what he looks like. Nobody does
280
00:17:07,634 --> 00:17:10,831
Then find out,
or nobody will know what you look like.
281
00:17:10,866 --> 00:17:14,037
Oh, everyone always recognises me.
282
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,599
Without a head?
283
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:18,560
Now, get out of here, and find him.
284
00:17:18,595 --> 00:17:21,205
Yes, Citizen. I'll do my best,
but it won't be easy.
285
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,869
The Fingernail is a master of disguise.
He could be anyone.
286
00:17:24,904 --> 00:17:26,837
Get out!
287
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:29,563
Get out!
288
00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:33,356
Come, now, girl. Admit it.
You're a cursed aristo, aren't you?
289
00:17:33,391 --> 00:17:37,080
Come, come. We secret police
have ways of making people talk.
290
00:17:37,115 --> 00:17:40,829
- Shall we use the thumbscrews?
- Not till Citizen Camembert gets here.
291
00:17:40,864 --> 00:17:42,956
If there's screwing to be done, he'll do it.
292
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,271
- He's screwed up the Revolution already.
- Ah, Bidet.
293
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,959
All roads and other exits out of the city
are guarded?
294
00:17:51,994 --> 00:17:54,803
Oh, yes, definitely, sir. This woman here...
295
00:17:54,838 --> 00:17:57,480
- Bridges are securely held?
- I haven't asked her, sir.
296
00:17:57,515 --> 00:17:59,391
I said bridges, not britches.
297
00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:00,798
Oh, yes. Yes, sir.
298
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:04,595
Good. This accursed Fingernail
must be caught this time.
299
00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:06,601
If only we knew what he looked like.
300
00:18:06,636 --> 00:18:10,136
Don't worry. I've given orders
to hold anyone disguised...
301
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:13,637
- as anyone.
- That'll be a lot of help, won't it?!
302
00:18:13,672 --> 00:18:16,404
Who's this woman? What's she doing here?
303
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:19,954
I was about to tell you, Citizen, sir.
She was out after curfew.
304
00:18:19,989 --> 00:18:23,469
Well, nothing wrong
with a bit of after-curfew, eh, my dear?
305
00:18:23,504 --> 00:18:26,518
- But you shouldn't be out late, you know.
306
00:18:26,553 --> 00:18:30,319
- You're a naughty girl, aren't you?
307
00:18:30,354 --> 00:18:34,353
- Yes. - And I bet you've
done it before, haven't you?
308
00:18:34,388 --> 00:18:37,193
Oh, yes.
309
00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:42,797
Well, I don't think we need detain you
any longer. You can go home now.
310
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,836
Thank you. You're very kind.
311
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,150
- Just a moment.
312
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:56,909
You'd better let me have your address.
I'll be along later to erm... check up.
313
00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:58,956
Thank you.
314
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,960
Nice little... citizen thing, eh?
315
00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:13,629
- You're not letting her go, sir?
- Of course I'm letting her go, Bidet.
316
00:19:13,664 --> 00:19:15,641
I think you're making a great mistake.
317
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:19,639
You should get the chance
to make such a mistake, Citizen Bidet.
318
00:19:19,674 --> 00:19:21,880
But she's probably an aristo.
319
00:19:21,915 --> 00:19:24,514
Have you ever known a lady
who needed a shave?
320
00:19:24,549 --> 00:19:26,635
- A shave, sir?
- Yes.
321
00:19:26,670 --> 00:19:29,991
When she kissed me just now,
I distinctly felt her stubble.
322
00:19:30,026 --> 00:19:31,398
Really?
323
00:19:31,433 --> 00:19:34,478
And not only that.
She positively reeked of tobacco.
324
00:19:34,513 --> 00:19:37,692
Well, perhaps you're right, Citizen, sir.
325
00:19:37,727 --> 00:19:40,837
Of course I'm right, Citizen Bidet.
Ah-ha-ha.
326
00:19:40,872 --> 00:19:44,759
Make a note of these things,
and we'll make a policeman of you yet.
327
00:19:44,794 --> 00:19:49,635
Well, I must be off now. Business, you know.
Let me know immediately of any developments.
328
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:52,837
- Yes, Citizen, sir. Where will you be?
- At this address... Aaargh!
329
00:19:52,872 --> 00:19:54,238
What is it?
330
00:19:54,273 --> 00:19:57,193
It was him. The Black Fingernail.
331
00:19:57,228 --> 00:20:00,113
Really? Aaargh!
333
00:20:02,191 --> 00:20:04,236
No wonder she reeked of tobacco!
334
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:07,995
He... he... he kissed me!
336
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:12,952
Don't worry, Citizen, sir.
It was a marvellous disguise.
337
00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:14,961
It would have fooled me.
338
00:20:14,996 --> 00:20:17,116
He did fool you, didn't he?
339
00:20:17,151 --> 00:20:18,484
What?
340
00:20:18,519 --> 00:20:20,954
You had him here,
and you let him go, didn't you?
341
00:20:20,989 --> 00:20:23,833
- I did, Citizen, sir?
- Yes, you did, Citizen nit!
342
00:20:23,868 --> 00:20:27,276
- Ooh!
- Oh, you great wheyface, you! You!
343
00:20:27,311 --> 00:20:30,158
Oh! I've just remembered...
344
00:20:30,193 --> 00:20:33,715
what I was about to try and do with him.
345
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:36,717
- He can't have got very far.
- No, and neither could I.
346
00:20:36,752 --> 00:20:40,354
I mean out of the city. If we're quick,
perhaps we can catch her... him.
347
00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:44,632
Yes, that's right. Yes, he'll make for
Calais, if he can get past the roadblocks
348
00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:46,243
Coachman!
349
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,998
- Coachman!
- Did you call, Citizen?
350
00:20:49,033 --> 00:20:51,873
Yes. Prepare my coach.
We leave at once for Calais.
351
00:20:51,908 --> 00:20:54,269
Right, Citizen.
352
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,296
BIDET: To Calais, as quick as you can!
353
00:21:03,331 --> 00:21:05,877
Wait for me! You stupid great fool!
354
00:21:05,912 --> 00:21:10,755
Pick your hat up. You're supposed to
make way for a superior citizen, you know
355
00:21:10,790 --> 00:21:12,796
Allez to Calais!
356
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,236
Halt! Who goes there?
357
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:20,916
Citizen Camembert.
358
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,657
Listen. Has anyone passed out
within the hour?
359
00:21:27,692 --> 00:21:30,714
Only the sergeant. He's sleeping it off now.
360
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,721
I'm looking for a woman.
361
00:21:32,756 --> 00:21:36,515
Oh, nothing doing out here, chum.
You want to try Montmartre.
362
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:38,521
I don't mean that!
363
00:21:38,556 --> 00:21:41,916
Oh, how I loathe these peasants.
Give me the aristocracy any time.
364
00:21:41,951 --> 00:21:44,434
Has anyone passed through here this evening?
365
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:46,441
No, not as far as I know, Citizen.
366
00:21:46,476 --> 00:21:48,959
Well, you keep a sharp lookout. Mind my hat.
367
00:21:48,994 --> 00:21:52,789
Keep a lookout for an Englishman,
a woman and the Duc de Pommfrit,
368
00:21:52,824 --> 00:21:54,676
probably all disguised.
369
00:21:54,711 --> 00:21:56,995
- What as?
- Well, how should I know?
370
00:21:57,030 --> 00:21:59,953
There'd be no point in the disguise
if I knew what it was.
371
00:21:59,988 --> 00:22:01,961
Oh, open the barrier.
372
00:22:01,996 --> 00:22:04,674
Coachman! Calais, with all speed.
373
00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:07,399
With pleasure, Citizen.
374
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,756
- Aaargh!
- I'm sorry.
375
00:22:35,791 --> 00:22:36,954
Fool.
376
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:39,594
Wait here, Coachman.
The rest of you, follow me.
377
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,756
Sorry, Citizens. You're too late.
I've already called temps.
378
00:22:45,791 --> 00:22:47,973
Curb your insolent tongue, wench.
379
00:22:48,008 --> 00:22:50,120
You're talking to Citizen Camembert,
380
00:22:50,155 --> 00:22:52,834
head of the Secret Police
of the glorious Republic.
381
00:22:52,869 --> 00:22:56,241
Vive l'�galit�! Vive fraternit�! Vive...
382
00:22:56,276 --> 00:23:00,318
Oh, shut up. I wish
you wouldn't keep viving all over the place.
383
00:23:00,353 --> 00:23:04,672
Now, listen to me, woman. Have you had
any men in here disguised as women?
384
00:23:04,707 --> 00:23:07,444
I should say not!
What sort of place do you think this is?
385
00:23:07,479 --> 00:23:11,792
We are looking for a man who's trying
to flee the country disguised as a woman.
386
00:23:11,827 --> 00:23:14,917
Well, there's nobody here except me,
and I'm just going off.
387
00:23:14,952 --> 00:23:18,333
- She's gone off, if you ask me.
- She's gone off..
388
00:23:18,368 --> 00:23:21,714
Wait! She could be him.
She's got the right build.
389
00:23:21,749 --> 00:23:23,756
Leave it to me, Citizen, sir.
390
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,836
All right, woman.
391
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,354
- Give us a kiss.
- Oh! Aargh!
392
00:23:32,389 --> 00:23:34,396
Stop messing about.
393
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,676
- Well?
- No beard.
394
00:23:39,711 --> 00:23:42,758
Come along, then.
We'll try the harbour. Come along.
395
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,679
And let that be a lesson to you, woman.
396
00:23:46,714 --> 00:23:48,113
Oi, blackhead!
397
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,870
Look! The horse has gone.
399
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,441
The Black Fingernail!
400
00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:07,472
I don't believe it. The horse?
He couldn't have been.
401
00:24:07,507 --> 00:24:09,516
Duc? Come on, Duc. Come on.
402
00:24:09,551 --> 00:24:11,835
- Search everywhere.
- Here they come.
403
00:24:11,870 --> 00:24:15,191
- They can't be far away.
- We'll never get to the boat now.
404
00:24:15,226 --> 00:24:18,158
Don't worry about it.
Just give me your hat and coat.
405
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:20,360
Quick.
406
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:26,683
Hello!
407
00:24:26,718 --> 00:24:30,190
A thousand francs for the first man
who takes the Fingernail alive.
408
00:24:30,225 --> 00:24:33,123
A thousand francs? Ho-ho!
409
00:24:33,158 --> 00:24:35,533
I don't know where he's getting it from.
410
00:24:35,568 --> 00:24:37,909
I'll keep them busy. Meet you at the boat.
411
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,279
Yoo-hoo!
412
00:24:44,120 --> 00:24:45,633
- It's me.
- 'Tis he.
413
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,759
- After he!
- After who?
414
00:24:48,794 --> 00:24:50,119
- After him.
- After you.
415
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,312
Yoo-hoo!
416
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,239
Can't catch me.
417
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,118
CAMEMBERT:
Bolt the doors. He's in here somewhere.
420
00:25:18,273 --> 00:25:21,158
Zounds! 'Tis a woman. And what a cracker.
421
00:25:21,193 --> 00:25:23,924
What means this intrusion, Monsieur?
422
00:25:23,959 --> 00:25:27,032
How handsome he is!
And every inch a gentleman.
423
00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,438
I mean you no harm.
424
00:25:28,473 --> 00:25:30,312
Opportunity would be a fine thing.
425
00:25:30,347 --> 00:25:32,560
Please... leave at once.
426
00:25:32,595 --> 00:25:35,831
If he does,
I shall surely swoon with disappointment.
427
00:25:35,866 --> 00:25:38,001
Alas, I cannot.
428
00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:40,554
Just look how that pretty bosom heaves.
429
00:25:40,589 --> 00:25:42,561
Pray, why not?
430
00:25:42,596 --> 00:25:45,240
Oh, why does my pretty bosom heave so?
431
00:25:45,275 --> 00:25:47,879
The Secret Police are after me.
432
00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:50,912
What's this pounding in my ear holes?
Could I be in love?
433
00:25:50,947 --> 00:25:53,957
The Secret Police? But why?
434
00:25:53,992 --> 00:25:57,321
Oh, my fluttering heart.
Can it be I love him?
435
00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,115
They seek me because...
I am the Black Fingernail.
436
00:26:01,150 --> 00:26:03,071
The Black Fingernail?
437
00:26:03,106 --> 00:26:04,957
My hero in person!
438
00:26:04,992 --> 00:26:07,799
I must love her,
or I wouldn't have told her that.
439
00:26:07,834 --> 00:26:11,953
I, and all France, are in your debt,
Monsieur.
440
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:13,996
I salute you.
441
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,516
Now, that's what I call a salute.
442
00:26:17,551 --> 00:26:19,556
I would do anything for you.
443
00:26:19,591 --> 00:26:22,831
Your wish is my command,
and your desire is my desire.
444
00:26:22,866 --> 00:26:24,841
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
445
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:28,111
Methinks, if I play my cards right,
I might be onto a good thing.
447
00:26:29,553 --> 00:26:33,599
Ouvrez, in the name of Citizen Camembert
and the glorious new French Republic!
448
00:26:33,634 --> 00:26:36,034
Vive l'�galit�, vive fraternit�, vive...
449
00:26:36,069 --> 00:26:39,596
Oh, shut up.
Open up! We wish to search the room.
450
00:26:39,631 --> 00:26:41,470
One moment.
451
00:26:41,505 --> 00:26:43,567
You must flee.
454
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,763
Open up in there!
455
00:26:51,798 --> 00:26:53,711
Go quickly, my dearest love.
456
00:26:53,746 --> 00:26:55,915
I will return. Here.
457
00:26:55,950 --> 00:26:58,599
Take this, as a token of my undying love.
458
00:26:58,634 --> 00:27:03,236
- What a beautiful locket! - My mother's
It contains her last set of teeth.
459
00:27:03,271 --> 00:27:06,437
Thank you.
I will think of you every time I clean them.
460
00:27:06,472 --> 00:27:08,195
Ouvrez! Ouvrez!
461
00:27:08,230 --> 00:27:10,093
Oh, go, man, go.
462
00:27:10,128 --> 00:27:11,956
Till we meet again.
464
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,297
Ooh! Go on! Giddap!
465
00:27:17,332 --> 00:27:19,239
Go on! Go on!
466
00:27:19,274 --> 00:27:21,281
BIDET: Oh. I'll have another go.
467
00:27:21,316 --> 00:27:24,312
CAMEMBERT: Show your authority, man.
BIDET: I can't.
468
00:27:24,347 --> 00:27:26,311
- Show your authority!
- My trousers...
469
00:27:26,346 --> 00:27:28,630
Bidet, I warn you...
470
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,270
Ouvrez! Ouvrez!
471
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,552
Stand aside, sir. I'll open it this time.
472
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,359
There he is. Seize him.
473
00:27:52,394 --> 00:27:55,517
So, the accursed Fingernail
is in our hands at last.
474
00:27:55,552 --> 00:27:57,521
It would seem so, Monsieur.
475
00:27:57,556 --> 00:28:01,314
Oh, no, all your disguises and funny voices
won't help you now.
476
00:28:01,349 --> 00:28:05,194
Take him below, and get fresh horses.
We leave for Paris immediately.
477
00:28:05,229 --> 00:28:08,636
And Bid... Bidet? Where is he?
478
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,589
And this, you claim,
is the Black Fingernail?
479
00:28:22,624 --> 00:28:24,726
Yes, Citizen Robespierre.
480
00:28:24,761 --> 00:28:26,828
Er... but this is a woman.
481
00:28:26,863 --> 00:28:29,160
Oh, yes!
482
00:28:29,195 --> 00:28:33,193
He may look like a woman,
but the Fingernail is a master of deception.
483
00:28:33,228 --> 00:28:36,715
Just because he rode all the way from Calais
side-saddle...
484
00:28:36,750 --> 00:28:40,389
All right, Citizen Camembert.
If you insist this is a man, prove it.
485
00:28:40,424 --> 00:28:42,630
- Me? But how?
- How? How, he asks.
486
00:28:42,665 --> 00:28:44,641
Call yourself a Frenchman?
487
00:28:44,676 --> 00:28:49,038
- If I might make
a suggestion. - Well, what is it?
488
00:28:49,073 --> 00:28:52,476
I have an infallible method
for finding out the true sex, sir.
489
00:28:52,511 --> 00:28:55,437
- Yes?
- Yes, sir. Sooner or later, sir,
490
00:28:55,472 --> 00:28:58,552
he or she
will want to go and powder his or her nose.
491
00:28:59,960 --> 00:29:03,589
Right, sir. When that time comes,
we merely put him or her in a place
492
00:29:03,624 --> 00:29:05,716
that has two cloakrooms.
493
00:29:05,751 --> 00:29:07,244
Ladies and gents.
494
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:10,432
Then we secretly observe
which one he or she goes into.
495
00:29:10,467 --> 00:29:13,557
Citizen Bidet, I really must commend you.
496
00:29:13,592 --> 00:29:15,119
Any time, Citizen.
497
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,434
If I chopped off your head,
498
00:29:19,469 --> 00:29:22,279
you'd still have as much brains
as you have now.
499
00:29:22,314 --> 00:29:24,077
Thank you, sir.
500
00:29:24,112 --> 00:29:26,953
I'll show you what sex she is.
501
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:33,559
There. Have either of you ever seen
a man looking like that?
502
00:29:33,594 --> 00:29:36,359
Well, it's marvellous
what you can do with padding.
503
00:29:36,394 --> 00:29:38,361
If I could just have a bit of a prod...
504
00:29:38,396 --> 00:29:42,109
No, you cannot have a bit of a prod.
Imbecile! Admit it.
505
00:29:42,144 --> 00:29:44,634
This Fingernail
has made a monkey out of you again.
506
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:48,537
All right, girl. Tell me. Where is he?
507
00:29:48,572 --> 00:29:50,919
Out of your reach. Safe back in England.
508
00:29:50,954 --> 00:29:53,724
It should be quite obvious to you now,
Camembert.
509
00:29:53,759 --> 00:29:56,877
She and this Fingernail
have been in collusion together.
510
00:29:56,912 --> 00:30:01,710
Oh, no, Citizen. I don't think they
had time for anything like that.
511
00:30:01,745 --> 00:30:05,588
Take her away! And make her talk.
512
00:30:05,623 --> 00:30:07,601
And get me this Fingernail.
513
00:30:07,636 --> 00:30:12,174
Yes, Citizen, but it won't be easy,
if he's gone back to England.
514
00:30:12,209 --> 00:30:16,182
Then go to England. Find him.
Unfrock this master of deception.
515
00:30:16,217 --> 00:30:20,156
- But what if I fail?
- Then don't bother to get your hair cut!
516
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,000
Go to England? What for?
517
00:30:26,035 --> 00:30:29,043
I told you. To find this accursed
Black Fingernail.
518
00:30:29,078 --> 00:30:32,789
- Well, what's going to happen to me?
- What do you mean, happen to you?
519
00:30:32,824 --> 00:30:35,234
Well, you're my protector.
Who'll protect me?
520
00:30:35,269 --> 00:30:39,956
I can't think about things like that now.
I'm in danger of watching my own head roll.
521
00:30:39,991 --> 00:30:41,961
It wouldn't roll far. It's too square.
522
00:30:41,996 --> 00:30:45,959
I wish you wouldn't do that. When you
undress, it's like emptying a dustbin.
523
00:30:45,994 --> 00:30:48,565
Well, why don't you buy me a wastebasket,
then?
524
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,275
That's all I've ever really
wanted out of life -the simple things.
525
00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:55,397
I'd like to marry a nice man
with a fortune...
526
00:30:55,432 --> 00:30:57,959
and a ch�teau... and a title.
527
00:30:57,994 --> 00:31:00,816
Then why don't you go and marry someone
with a title?
528
00:31:00,851 --> 00:31:03,639
How can I?
You keep slicing their bloomin' heads off.
529
00:31:03,674 --> 00:31:05,676
- Who's that?
530
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:10,916
Oh, it's you.
531
00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,839
Sorry to disturb you, Citizen, sir. I mean
you did say, if it was anything im...
532
00:31:17,874 --> 00:31:19,841
...portant...
533
00:31:19,876 --> 00:31:21,712
Evening, Citizen miss.
534
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,722
- Well?
- Very nice. Very nice indeed.
535
00:31:30,757 --> 00:31:33,195
Well, don't just stand there, man.
Get it out.
536
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,000
- Get it out.
- Get what out?
537
00:31:37,035 --> 00:31:39,440
Whatever it was that was so important.
538
00:31:39,475 --> 00:31:41,834
It's about the girl.
It's like you said, sir.
539
00:31:41,869 --> 00:31:44,872
I spent half the night
working to get information out of her.
540
00:31:44,907 --> 00:31:47,155
- And what did you find out?
- Nothing.
541
00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:48,912
Nothing? Nothing at all?
542
00:31:48,947 --> 00:31:50,239
No. She kept mum.
543
00:31:50,274 --> 00:31:53,432
Never mind her financial arrangements
with her mother.
544
00:31:53,467 --> 00:31:55,441
What about the Fingernail?
545
00:31:55,476 --> 00:31:59,235
Oh, well, there was this silver locket.
It appears he gave it to her.
546
00:31:59,270 --> 00:32:01,675
- With a lock of his hair?
- No, a set of his teeth.
547
00:32:01,710 --> 00:32:03,716
A set of... A set of his teeth?
548
00:32:03,751 --> 00:32:07,844
Fancy keeping your teeth in a silver locket!
I ask you!
549
00:32:07,879 --> 00:32:10,177
Isn't that typical of
these damned aristocrats?
550
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,476
A glass of water isn't good enough.
551
00:32:12,511 --> 00:32:14,593
Mind you, sir, it'll help us to find him.
552
00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:16,676
All we've got to do is to look for a man...
553
00:32:16,711 --> 00:32:18,477
who talks like that.
554
00:32:18,512 --> 00:32:21,284
A man who talks like that? That's no good.
555
00:32:21,319 --> 00:32:24,358
You know these plutocrats.
He's probably got a second set.
556
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,158
- What are you gawping at?
- Er... I come from a poor family, miss.
557
00:32:36,193 --> 00:32:38,196
We couldn't afford luxuries like you.
558
00:32:38,231 --> 00:32:40,612
Just a crust of bread and...
559
00:32:40,647 --> 00:32:43,097
an occasional bit of crackling.
560
00:32:43,132 --> 00:32:45,513
Cammie, I'd be very much obliged
561
00:32:45,548 --> 00:32:49,484
if you'd ask this underling
to take his hot, sticky eyes off me.
562
00:32:49,519 --> 00:32:54,628
Underling? There'll be no more of that talk.
In our glorious Republic, all are equal.
563
00:32:54,663 --> 00:32:58,121
Equality, fraternity... and liberty.
564
00:32:58,156 --> 00:33:00,257
I don't care about the
equalities and fraternities,
565
00:33:00,258 --> 00:33:02,358
but I am not having the liberties.
566
00:33:02,393 --> 00:33:06,797
- Quiet, you two. I've got it. I've got it!
- Well, you didn't get it off me.
567
00:33:06,832 --> 00:33:10,555
This girl,
she is the bait with which we set the trap.
568
00:33:10,590 --> 00:33:12,670
The Fingernail must be in love with her.
569
00:33:12,705 --> 00:33:14,715
- But how do you know?
- My dear Bidet,
570
00:33:14,750 --> 00:33:17,053
gentlemen don't go giving
lockets with their teeth
571
00:33:17,054 --> 00:33:19,356
in them to every casual acquaintance.
572
00:33:19,391 --> 00:33:21,282
Oh, the English are a queer lot.
573
00:33:21,317 --> 00:33:24,801
Be that as it may, once we let him know
we have this girl a prisoner,
574
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:29,152
he will hasten back to France to rescue her,
and then... he's in your trap.
575
00:33:29,187 --> 00:33:30,877
Then what?
576
00:33:30,912 --> 00:33:33,001
- Shut your trap.
- I only asked.
577
00:33:33,036 --> 00:33:35,680
But how can we let him know
the girl's a prisoner,
578
00:33:35,715 --> 00:33:37,681
if we don't know who he is?
579
00:33:37,716 --> 00:33:40,654
We'll find out.
We leave for England immediately.
580
00:33:40,689 --> 00:33:43,592
Now, there's a packet
leaving at dawn from Calais.
581
00:33:43,627 --> 00:33:45,681
Oh, no, Citizen. It's too dangerous.
582
00:33:45,716 --> 00:33:48,120
It won't be the first time
I've caught a packet.
583
00:33:48,155 --> 00:33:51,710
I mean, to go to England.
You know what they think of you over there.
584
00:33:51,745 --> 00:33:54,359
Yes, he's right.
Only aristos are welcome there now.
585
00:33:54,394 --> 00:33:57,677
Then we shall be aristos.
Hurry up, Bidet. Order my coach.
586
00:33:57,712 --> 00:33:59,920
- Yes, sir.
- And don't forget my bag.
587
00:33:59,955 --> 00:34:03,281
Not that one, you fool.
I mean my travelling bag.
588
00:34:03,316 --> 00:34:07,154
Oh, I don't know, though.
We'll need something to do on the journey.
589
00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:11,196
Oh, excuse me.
590
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,396
Slow music
591
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:47,270
Ah, Sir Rodney! I must congratulate you.
592
00:34:47,305 --> 00:34:49,714
A perfectly splendid charity ball.
593
00:34:49,749 --> 00:34:54,231
- Thank you, Lady Binder.
- Now, do tell me. What is it all in aid of?
594
00:34:54,266 --> 00:34:55,843
SFA.
595
00:34:55,878 --> 00:34:58,758
Oh, come. It must be in aid of something.
596
00:34:58,793 --> 00:35:01,935
SFA. Stranded French Aristocrats.
597
00:35:01,970 --> 00:35:04,742
Oh, of course. A very worthy cause.
598
00:35:04,777 --> 00:35:07,480
And you've done them proud tonight.
599
00:35:07,515 --> 00:35:13,436
But then, you've always had magnificent
balls, and I wouldn't miss one of them.
600
00:35:13,471 --> 00:35:15,476
Thank you, Lady Binder.
601
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,803
Darcy, I've been waiting for you.
What news from France?
602
00:35:25,838 --> 00:35:28,057
Nothing yet. We have
agents making inquiries,
603
00:35:28,058 --> 00:35:30,277
but the girl seems to have disappeared.
604
00:35:30,312 --> 00:35:32,514
I've got to find her,
Darcy. Did you tell them
605
00:35:32,515 --> 00:35:34,716
they'd recognise her
by my mother's teeth?
606
00:35:34,751 --> 00:35:38,236
Yes. It's very difficult
looking in every girl's mouth, you know.
607
00:35:38,271 --> 00:35:41,721
Not in the mouth, you fool!
In the locket round her neck.
608
00:35:41,756 --> 00:35:46,038
Isn't it marvellous? No wonder they haven't
traced her. I'll have to go over myself.
609
00:35:46,073 --> 00:35:48,963
I wouldn't, if I were you.
There's a price on your head.
610
00:35:48,998 --> 00:35:53,790
Oh, and a couple calling themselves
the Duke and Duchess de la Plume de Ma Tante
611
00:35:53,825 --> 00:35:56,110
arrived in London from France yesterday.
612
00:35:56,145 --> 00:35:57,917
- Escaped?
- Mm-hm.
613
00:35:57,952 --> 00:36:00,200
- Without our help?
- Exactly.
614
00:36:00,235 --> 00:36:02,456
There is something fishy going on,
615
00:36:02,457 --> 00:36:04,677
so I took the liberty of
inviting them here tonight.
616
00:36:04,712 --> 00:36:08,958
Good lad.
It'll give us a chance to... quiz them, eh?
617
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,564
Oh, thank you.
618
00:36:17,599 --> 00:36:19,601
Come along. What's the matter with you?
619
00:36:19,636 --> 00:36:23,269
It's these humpback bridges.
I shan't be able to sit down for a week.
620
00:36:23,304 --> 00:36:26,432
Oh, don't be so vulgar.
You're supposed to be an aristocrat.
621
00:36:26,467 --> 00:36:28,441
Don't they have bottoms, then?
622
00:36:28,476 --> 00:36:31,562
Of course,
but down here they're called country seats.
623
00:36:31,597 --> 00:36:34,737
- And what do they call them in London?
- The London derri�re.
624
00:36:34,772 --> 00:36:37,877
Well, I won't be putting my derri�re
on a country seat.
625
00:36:37,912 --> 00:36:39,916
Come on.
626
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,798
Welcome to Ffing House, my dears.
I'm Sir Rodney Ffing. Two Fs.
627
00:36:58,833 --> 00:37:00,881
Ah, Sir Rodney.
628
00:37:00,916 --> 00:37:04,237
I am Count Henri de la Plume de Ma Tante.
One P.
629
00:37:04,272 --> 00:37:07,523
Delighted, my dear.
Methinks we have met before.
630
00:37:07,558 --> 00:37:11,598
Oh, methinks not. Er...
this is my sister, the Countess D�sir�e.
631
00:37:11,633 --> 00:37:15,155
- Charmed to make your acquaintance.
- Likewise, I'm sure.
632
00:37:15,190 --> 00:37:19,610
Grace and beauty. You're a picture,
Mademoiselle... if a trifle overexposed.
633
00:37:19,645 --> 00:37:24,031
You'll forgive this intrusion, Sir Rodney,
but after we heard about your ball...
634
00:37:24,066 --> 00:37:27,475
- Think not of it. My house is yours.
- You're very kind.
635
00:37:27,510 --> 00:37:31,115
And now you must make up for lost time.
You've got a little behind.
636
00:37:31,150 --> 00:37:33,509
Oh, fancy you noticing!
637
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,669
- So, you've just escaped from France?
- Yes, by fishing boat.
638
00:37:39,704 --> 00:37:42,239
Oh, yes.
I thought that perfume wasn't from Paris.
639
00:37:42,274 --> 00:37:46,717
We're anxious to make the acquaintance
of the Black Fingernail.
640
00:37:46,752 --> 00:37:49,643
- The what?
- The Black Fingernail,
641
00:37:49,678 --> 00:37:54,709
that gallant gentleman who's been helping
so many of my dear compatriots to escape.
642
00:37:54,744 --> 00:37:57,325
- Oh, yes, that big show-off.
- You know him, then?
643
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:01,911
Heavens, no! I have no stomach
for the manly, virile type.
644
00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,594
Now, excuse me.
My card is marked for this dance.
645
00:38:04,629 --> 00:38:07,284
Perhaps the Countess will honour me later.
646
00:38:07,319 --> 00:38:11,154
Delighted... if someone will mark my card.
647
00:38:11,189 --> 00:38:13,196
I will, Countess. Don't worry.
648
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,071
Do you think that's the Black Fingernail?
649
00:38:18,106 --> 00:38:20,116
What, that Ffing? Don't be silly.
650
00:38:20,151 --> 00:38:22,560
Well, he seems very nice,
and he's got a title.
651
00:38:22,595 --> 00:38:25,638
Yes, I'm sure,
and it's not one you use in polite society.
652
00:38:25,673 --> 00:38:27,641
Well... what do we do now, sir?
653
00:38:27,676 --> 00:38:32,276
Circulate. Try and pick up anything
that might lead us to the Black Fingernail.
654
00:38:32,311 --> 00:38:36,592
- Circulate? Right, sir.
- But remember, you must be circumspect.
655
00:38:36,627 --> 00:38:38,636
Oh, I was, sir, when I was a baby.
657
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,156
Excuse me, my dear. May I cut in?
658
00:39:02,191 --> 00:39:06,034
- Of course, Rodney, darling.
- Thank you, my dear.
659
00:39:08,720 --> 00:39:11,314
Your friend, the Duc de la Plume de My Aunt.
660
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,117
What about him?
661
00:39:13,152 --> 00:39:17,358
- He's the living image of Camembert.
- What, the leader of the Secret Police?
662
00:39:17,393 --> 00:39:20,716
- The big cheese himself.
- Well, what's he doing over here?
663
00:39:20,751 --> 00:39:22,756
Shh. Act naturally.
665
00:39:38,436 --> 00:39:40,237
Oh, hark at me.
666
00:39:40,272 --> 00:39:43,044
You needn't request an audience.
You've got one.
667
00:39:43,079 --> 00:39:46,038
I can't help it.
These bubbles get lodged in my chest.
668
00:39:46,073 --> 00:39:48,350
Hm, there's room for a few lodgers there.
669
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:51,363
- Psst.
- What?
670
00:39:51,398 --> 00:39:54,676
- Psst. - Don't be ridiculous.
I've only had a couple.
671
00:39:54,711 --> 00:39:58,429
No, no, no.
I think I've got a lead. Over there.
673
00:40:00,317 --> 00:40:02,960
The Duc de Pommfrit.
674
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,538
Do go on with your story, Duke.
It's so thrilling.
675
00:40:09,573 --> 00:40:12,521
Oh, yes.
There I was, face down on the guillotine,
676
00:40:12,556 --> 00:40:15,632
with a basket full of dirty great heads
staring up at me.
677
00:40:15,667 --> 00:40:17,915
I wonder what happens to all the heads.
678
00:40:17,950 --> 00:40:21,396
Oh, my dear, they have a special place
for them: the napper's yard.
680
00:40:23,038 --> 00:40:25,235
Do go on with your story, Duke.
681
00:40:25,270 --> 00:40:29,558
Well, the drum roll stopped,
and everything went extremely hush.
682
00:40:29,593 --> 00:40:32,916
The executioner pulled the handle,
and the knife came down,
683
00:40:32,951 --> 00:40:34,921
and bounced off the back of my neck.
684
00:40:34,956 --> 00:40:37,793
- Bounced off the back of your neck?
- Yes! I had 'em fooled.
685
00:40:37,828 --> 00:40:39,801
I was wearing a hard collar.
686
00:40:39,836 --> 00:40:43,512
Well,
before they had time to recover themselves,
687
00:40:43,547 --> 00:40:47,188
I leapt to my feet,
I seized the sword, and I laid into them.
688
00:40:47,223 --> 00:40:49,032
Take that. Take that.
689
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,356
Take this. Take that. (Laughs)
690
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,774
And I must say, they took it very well.
691
00:40:56,809 --> 00:40:58,914
- How many did you kill?
- Oh, six, seven.
692
00:40:58,949 --> 00:41:02,316
Six or seven?
What a bloody sight it must have been.
693
00:41:02,351 --> 00:41:04,834
Oh, it could have been a bloody sight more.
694
00:41:04,869 --> 00:41:06,921
But what of the Black Fingernail?
695
00:41:06,956 --> 00:41:09,873
- Was it not he who saved you?
- Him? Oh, no, my dear.
696
00:41:09,908 --> 00:41:11,881
He was around, but I didn't need him.
697
00:41:11,916 --> 00:41:14,525
Did you hear that, sir? What a load of bull.
698
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:19,668
All men talk nonsense in their cups, Bidet.
It's what we call "coq au vin".
699
00:41:19,703 --> 00:41:21,955
But I bet he knows who
the Black Fingernail is.
700
00:41:21,990 --> 00:41:27,518
I say. Would any of you young ladies
care to join me for a stroll in the garden?
701
00:41:27,553 --> 00:41:30,160
I know a nice, quiet little nook.
702
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,602
Not the nooky types, obviously. Oh, well.
703
00:41:38,637 --> 00:41:41,518
- Follow him, D�sir�e. See what
you can learn. - Why me?
704
00:41:41,553 --> 00:41:46,395
Because you are a woman,
and women can do things to... disarm a man.
705
00:41:46,430 --> 00:41:48,436
By the looks of him, he isn't even armed.
706
00:41:48,471 --> 00:41:50,441
- Do as I say!
- Oh, all right.
707
00:41:50,476 --> 00:41:54,439
But I warn you, one hint of the old whatsit,
and I'm turning it in.
708
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,995
- Follow her, Bidet. Watch what she does.
- Why? Don't you trust her?
709
00:41:59,030 --> 00:42:03,995
Not all are as loyal to me as you are,
my faithful Bidet.
710
00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:07,316
Thank you, sir.
711
00:42:07,351 --> 00:42:09,396
I wish I had someone to follow him.
712
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,029
That's him there, the one who looks
like he's smelling something nasty.
713
00:42:15,064 --> 00:42:18,306
- What do you think?
- Difficult to tell with that wig on.
714
00:42:18,341 --> 00:42:21,549
Yes, if we could think
of some way of getting it off...
715
00:42:21,584 --> 00:42:23,596
like a nice, juicy sneeze.
716
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,637
- Ah, Sir Rodney.
- All alone? Where's your gorgeous sister?
717
00:42:37,672 --> 00:42:39,437
They just popped out.
718
00:42:39,472 --> 00:42:43,189
That sort of thing is bound to happen
with those low-cut gowns.
719
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,518
You do take snuff?
720
00:42:45,553 --> 00:42:48,871
The taking of snuff
is a vice of the degenerate aristocracy...
721
00:42:48,906 --> 00:42:50,563
And I love it.
722
00:42:50,598 --> 00:42:53,638
Well, you'll go mad about this one.
It's very special.
724
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:58,991
Rather mild for my taste, I fancy.
725
00:43:03,760 --> 00:43:05,158
Aaa-choo!
726
00:43:05,193 --> 00:43:08,158
My wig! Where's my wig? Oh!
727
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:25,149
Excuse me, madam. That's my wig, I think.
728
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,115
Yes, that's more like it...
729
00:43:29,150 --> 00:43:32,030
Oh... Well, perhaps not.
731
00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:11,793
Oh... excuse me, but I seem to 'ave dropped
my 'andkerchief somewhere.
732
00:44:11,828 --> 00:44:14,633
Oh, it was yours, was it?
I did see it somewhere.
733
00:44:14,668 --> 00:44:17,813
Oh, don't bother, really. I... l...
734
00:44:17,848 --> 00:44:20,924
- What is it?
- I feel a little wan.
735
00:44:20,959 --> 00:44:23,918
Oh, dear. Then perhaps you'd
better sit down.
736
00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:26,195
How kind you are!
737
00:44:26,230 --> 00:44:29,389
Is there somewhere
we can be quiet and undisturbed?
738
00:44:29,424 --> 00:44:32,471
Oh, rather.
There is a beautiful spot in the arbour.
739
00:44:32,506 --> 00:44:35,518
Oh, really?
I had no idea we were so near the sea.
740
00:44:35,553 --> 00:44:37,556
Come!
741
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:49,041
What a quaint little place.
742
00:44:49,076 --> 00:44:51,799
POMMFRIT: It is called a love pavilion.
743
00:44:51,834 --> 00:44:54,120
Oh, really? I wonder why
744
00:44:54,155 --> 00:44:59,109
Yes, so do I. This marble seat's enough
to cool anyone's ardour. However...
745
00:44:59,144 --> 00:45:01,679
Why, sir, what are you doing?
746
00:45:01,714 --> 00:45:04,112
Mademoiselle, may I say you are the most
747
00:45:04,113 --> 00:45:06,510
ravishingly beautiful
woman I have ever seen?
748
00:45:06,545 --> 00:45:11,037
Am I really? Oh, no, sir,
you mustn't. I do insist.
749
00:45:11,072 --> 00:45:13,280
'Ere, knock it off.
750
00:45:13,315 --> 00:45:16,402
- What's wrong?
- Well, there is something I want from you.
751
00:45:16,437 --> 00:45:20,638
Oh, well, that's all right, then.
As long as we're both on the same lines.
752
00:45:20,673 --> 00:45:24,429
No, no, sir. Besides,
I insist we have a little talk first.
753
00:45:24,464 --> 00:45:26,794
Oh, very well, then. What about?
754
00:45:26,829 --> 00:45:30,799
D�SIR�E: I believe you know who
the Black Fingernail is.
755
00:45:30,834 --> 00:45:33,564
Yes. Well, I enjoyed that little chat.
Now, then...
756
00:45:33,599 --> 00:45:37,878
I haven't finished yet. Besides,
my brother, the Count, wishes to meet him.
757
00:45:37,913 --> 00:45:39,836
I'm afraid that is impossible.
758
00:45:39,871 --> 00:45:42,918
You see, I promised never to
reveal his identity.
759
00:45:42,953 --> 00:45:44,956
D�SIR�E: Not even to please me?
760
00:45:44,991 --> 00:45:47,473
Not even to please you.
761
00:45:47,508 --> 00:45:50,433
Not even if I were to please you?
762
00:45:50,468 --> 00:45:53,273
Not even if you were to...
763
00:45:53,308 --> 00:45:55,475
Oh, that's different.
764
00:45:55,510 --> 00:45:59,070
I say. How pleasing do you think
you can get?
765
00:45:59,105 --> 00:46:01,116
As pleasing as...
766
00:46:03,760 --> 00:46:05,681
...that, for example.
767
00:46:05,716 --> 00:46:08,712
A few more examples like that,
and you can please yourself.
768
00:46:08,747 --> 00:46:12,129
- Come here, you little vixen!
- Oh, get off! Stop it!
769
00:46:12,164 --> 00:46:15,511
I can't stop it.
My blood's on fire, my heart's on fire...
770
00:46:15,546 --> 00:46:17,601
Yes, and your hands are groping. Get off!
771
00:46:17,636 --> 00:46:20,792
POMMFRIT:
Vive l'amour! Down with everything!
772
00:46:23,080 --> 00:46:25,640
Darcy,
you must be more careful where you sneeze.
773
00:46:25,675 --> 00:46:27,713
You quite upset Monsieur Camembert.
774
00:46:27,748 --> 00:46:29,931
What's that? What did you call me?
775
00:46:29,966 --> 00:46:32,061
You called me Monsieur Camembert. Why?
776
00:46:32,096 --> 00:46:34,121
Oh, do forgive me. A slip of the tongue.
777
00:46:34,156 --> 00:46:38,153
But you do look like a chappie of that name
we met in Paris. You remember, Darcy?
778
00:46:38,188 --> 00:46:40,639
Oh, yes, a weaselly-faced little runt
779
00:46:40,674 --> 00:46:43,311
who tried to sell us those funny postcards.
780
00:46:43,346 --> 00:46:46,109
Of course, it couldn't be you,
could it, Count?
781
00:46:46,144 --> 00:46:48,838
Do I look like a man who sells
funny postcards?
782
00:46:48,873 --> 00:46:52,509
Not a bit. You look more like the chappie
on the funny postcards.
783
00:46:52,544 --> 00:46:54,760
I hardly think that's possible.
784
00:46:54,795 --> 00:46:57,405
That's what I said when I saw the postcards.
785
00:46:57,440 --> 00:47:00,876
Forgive me, gentlemen.
I find this conversation rather boring.
786
00:47:00,911 --> 00:47:03,075
Well, then, let's change it, Count.
787
00:47:03,110 --> 00:47:07,193
Did you have any luck finding that chappie?
What did you call him? The Big Toenail?
788
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:10,077
The Black Fingernail.
789
00:47:10,112 --> 00:47:12,998
Ah, yes, of course. Aren't I a silly Ffing?
790
00:47:16,280 --> 00:47:19,113
Er... excuse me.
My secretary wishes to speak to me.
791
00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:24,438
- Well?
- She's with him, Pommfrit, in the garden.
792
00:47:24,473 --> 00:47:27,512
- Excellent. Is she getting it?
- Not half.
793
00:47:27,547 --> 00:47:29,589
- What do you mean?
794
00:47:29,624 --> 00:47:31,631
- Had what off?
- His gloves.
795
00:47:31,666 --> 00:47:33,880
Bad news, my dear Count?
796
00:47:33,915 --> 00:47:39,028
On the contrary. I fancy my quest for the
Black Fingernail will soon be at an end.
799
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,363
He... Oh.
800
00:47:49,398 --> 00:47:52,637
Never again. Next time you want
information, get it yourself.
801
00:47:52,672 --> 00:47:54,641
Was it a distressing experience?
802
00:47:54,676 --> 00:47:58,639
Distressin'? Talk about wanderin' hands!
He could write a travel book.
803
00:47:58,674 --> 00:48:01,852
Well, never mind.
Did you get the information I wanted?
804
00:48:01,887 --> 00:48:05,030
Oh, yes, he knows who
the Black Fingernail is, all right.
805
00:48:05,065 --> 00:48:07,068
Oh, there you are!
806
00:48:07,103 --> 00:48:09,037
Oh, hello, Duke.
807
00:48:09,072 --> 00:48:13,756
Naughty little girl. Running off like that,
just when my resistance was weakening.
808
00:48:13,791 --> 00:48:16,593
Oh, this is my brother,
the one what I was talking to you about.
809
00:48:16,628 --> 00:48:18,556
- How do you do?
- Delighted.
810
00:48:18,591 --> 00:48:21,682
My sister says
you have some information for me.
811
00:48:21,717 --> 00:48:25,679
Oh, you must be the one
who's looking for the Black Fingernail.
812
00:48:25,714 --> 00:48:28,399
- Yes, I am.
- There you are.
813
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,959
Oh, why can't we go home?
I'm fed up with this country.
814
00:48:36,994 --> 00:48:39,270
They all want you to talk
about their parents.
815
00:48:39,305 --> 00:48:40,883
What do you mean?
816
00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:44,595
I've had dozens of men say to me,
What about a bit of how's-your-father?
817
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:49,195
Well, what else can you expect
from a bunch of beef-eaters?
818
00:48:49,230 --> 00:48:53,279
Why don't they eat frogs' legs and snails,
like normal people do?
819
00:48:53,314 --> 00:48:55,361
Oh, the English have always been backward.
820
00:48:55,396 --> 00:48:58,711
Do you know, they're still taking
people's heads off by hand!
821
00:48:58,746 --> 00:48:59,914
Ow!
822
00:48:59,949 --> 00:49:04,352
Doesn't surprise me. People who keep false
teeth in lockets are capable of anything
823
00:49:04,387 --> 00:49:08,752
The locket! I almost forgot.
We may trap the Fingernail yet. Put this on.
824
00:49:08,787 --> 00:49:11,798
Oh, not that horrible thing.
It's got false teeth in it.
825
00:49:11,833 --> 00:49:13,916
Oh, it's all right. They won't bite you.
826
00:49:13,951 --> 00:49:15,717
Oh, all right.
827
00:49:15,752 --> 00:49:20,550
When you go back in the ballroom, make sure
you dance with every man there, if you have to
828
00:49:20,585 --> 00:49:24,349
and also make sure he gets a
good look... at that.
829
00:49:24,384 --> 00:49:26,157
They always do.
830
00:49:26,192 --> 00:49:28,884
- I mean the locket.
- Oh.
831
00:49:28,919 --> 00:49:31,877
Go on, then. And don't forget,
keep flashing it.
832
00:49:31,912 --> 00:49:35,834
Watch her, Bidet, and report to me
if anyone recognises the locket.
833
00:49:35,869 --> 00:49:37,672
Oh, yes, sir.
835
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,154
- I see you're admiring my locket.
- What locket?!
836
00:49:51,189 --> 00:49:52,992
Ah-ha!
837
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:00,916
Excuse me.
838
00:50:02,120 --> 00:50:04,415
- Pretty, isn't it?
- Magnificent.
839
00:50:04,450 --> 00:50:06,675
'Ere, have a good look. That better?
840
00:50:06,710 --> 00:50:09,553
Yes, thank you. It was rather in the way.
841
00:50:09,588 --> 00:50:11,596
Oh. Excuse me.
843
00:50:29,720 --> 00:50:33,190
Erm... excuse me, but erm... that locket.
844
00:50:33,225 --> 00:50:34,997
Yes? What about it?
845
00:50:35,032 --> 00:50:37,254
W- Would you mind taking it off?
846
00:50:37,289 --> 00:50:39,476
It keeps b-bashing me in the face.
847
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,276
- Really, Sir Rodney! - This chain
round your neck... may I pull it?
848
00:51:15,311 --> 00:51:17,316
Please do.
849
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,255
- Where did you get that?
- You recognise it?
850
00:51:22,290 --> 00:51:24,710
- Yes, it was mine. I gave it to...
- Yes?
851
00:51:24,745 --> 00:51:26,950
- I must talk to you alone.
- Where?
852
00:51:26,985 --> 00:51:28,996
In the arbour in five minutes.
853
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:54,830
- Oh! - You didn't tell anyone
about our assignation?
854
00:51:54,865 --> 00:51:56,717
I didn't even tell 'em we was meeting.
855
00:51:56,752 --> 00:51:58,358
Clever girl.
856
00:52:02,240 --> 00:52:05,038
Oh, sir... you mustn't.
857
00:52:05,073 --> 00:52:09,119
I must say it, though. I must confess,
his kiss kindles a flame in me.
858
00:52:09,154 --> 00:52:11,535
I s-s-simply cannot help it.
859
00:52:11,570 --> 00:52:13,881
I'm absolutely enamoured of you.
860
00:52:13,916 --> 00:52:16,389
I've got to say it,
even if she does get on my wick.
861
00:52:16,424 --> 00:52:20,393
And I of you, from the first moment we met.
862
00:52:20,428 --> 00:52:22,720
Oh, how can I betray him to Cammie?
863
00:52:22,755 --> 00:52:26,150
This is a bit of luck.
I can find out where she got that locket.
864
00:52:26,185 --> 00:52:27,763
My little poodle.
865
00:52:27,798 --> 00:52:32,317
Inever knew that Englishmen could love so.
Hold me close again, I pray you.
866
00:52:32,352 --> 00:52:34,515
I care not if you are the Black Fingernail,
867
00:52:34,550 --> 00:52:37,961
- and an enemy of France.
- How did you know that?
868
00:52:37,996 --> 00:52:40,753
You recognised the locket.
It was set there to trap you.
869
00:52:40,788 --> 00:52:43,035
- By Camembert?
- Then you know who he is?
870
00:52:43,070 --> 00:52:46,948
From the moment I saw him. Now, where is
the girl you got that locket from?
871
00:52:46,983 --> 00:52:50,237
- I will tell you, if...
- If what?
872
00:52:50,272 --> 00:52:52,276
...if you will make me thine.
873
00:52:52,311 --> 00:52:54,953
- Make you mine?
- Make me thine.
874
00:52:54,988 --> 00:52:57,560
I don't think I can go that far.
875
00:52:57,595 --> 00:53:01,320
Look, I want to be Lady Rodney Ffing.
876
00:53:01,355 --> 00:53:03,655
Yes, all right, providing
you promise not to tell
877
00:53:03,656 --> 00:53:05,956
Camembert that I am
the Black Fingernail.
878
00:53:05,991 --> 00:53:07,961
- Gladly.
- Right.
879
00:53:07,996 --> 00:53:10,001
Now, then, about that girl...
880
00:53:10,036 --> 00:53:14,830
Camembert... has her prisoner. The Bastille.
881
00:53:14,865 --> 00:53:17,115
I know what he is. Where is the girl?
882
00:53:17,150 --> 00:53:20,481
I've just told you. She's in the Bastille.
883
00:53:20,516 --> 00:53:24,001
- The swine. I'll kill him.
- No, no, you must not do that.
884
00:53:24,036 --> 00:53:26,376
He has left orders that
if he does not return
885
00:53:26,377 --> 00:53:28,716
within the week, she
will go to the guillotine.
886
00:53:28,751 --> 00:53:32,759
- Then I've got to get back to France...
- 'Ere! What about our bargain?
887
00:53:32,794 --> 00:53:35,174
- I hadn't forgotten it.
- Well, then, seal it.
888
00:53:35,209 --> 00:53:37,555
- I haven't got any sealing wax.
- Well, I have.
889
00:53:37,590 --> 00:53:41,234
No, madam! Madam! Put me down.
890
00:53:41,269 --> 00:53:43,555
It worked! It worked! We've got him.
891
00:53:43,590 --> 00:53:47,195
- Who is it? Who?
- You'll never guess. Sir Rodney.
892
00:53:47,230 --> 00:53:49,315
What? That Ffing? lmpossible.
893
00:53:49,350 --> 00:53:51,794
It's him, all right. He said
the locket was his.
894
00:53:51,829 --> 00:53:54,430
I can't believe it. That fiddlesome fop?
895
00:53:54,431 --> 00:53:57,031
That doodling dandiprat?
The Black Fingernail?
896
00:53:59,066 --> 00:54:01,041
Yes. Shall I do him now?
897
00:54:01,076 --> 00:54:04,481
No, no, this must be handled with caution.
We're not in France now.
898
00:54:04,516 --> 00:54:08,479
In this ridiculous country, you need a
reason for killing someone. Where is he?
899
00:54:08,514 --> 00:54:11,072
In the rose arbour with D�sir�e.
900
00:54:11,107 --> 00:54:13,596
In the rose arbour? Doing what?
901
00:54:13,631 --> 00:54:16,154
Well, I bet they're not watering the plants.
902
00:54:16,189 --> 00:54:19,481
He's played right into my hands.
903
00:54:19,516 --> 00:54:24,230
I'll walk in there, surprise them both
at it, play the outraged brother,
904
00:54:24,265 --> 00:54:26,629
and challenge him to a duel... thus.
905
00:54:28,840 --> 00:54:31,080
Aren't you taking a bit of a chance, sir?
906
00:54:31,115 --> 00:54:35,591
You seem to forget, Bidet.
I am the finest pistol shot in France,
907
00:54:35,626 --> 00:54:38,364
and it's obvious
he's no use with any sort of weapon.
908
00:54:38,399 --> 00:54:41,950
You wouldn't say that if you'd
seen him in the rose...
909
00:54:41,985 --> 00:54:43,961
I'll go and fetch a duelling pistol.
910
00:54:43,996 --> 00:54:48,198
But just to be on the safe side,
make sure you only load one with ball.
912
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,041
- What's this I see?
- Cammie!
913
00:54:54,076 --> 00:54:57,800
Oh!
My own sister ravaged before my very eyes.
914
00:54:57,835 --> 00:55:01,629
- No, no, it's the other way round.
- You despicable cur, sir.
915
00:55:01,664 --> 00:55:03,671
I demand immediate satisfaction.
916
00:55:03,706 --> 00:55:05,643
This seems a failing in your family.
917
00:55:05,678 --> 00:55:09,435
Enough, sir. You have insulted the honour
of the de la Plumes.
918
00:55:09,470 --> 00:55:12,602
- To say nothing of Ma Tante.
- Ooh, that hurt.
919
00:55:12,637 --> 00:55:16,121
As the injured party,
I have the choice of swords or pistols.
920
00:55:16,156 --> 00:55:19,516
Well, we won't quarrel.
You have the swords, I'll have the pistols.
921
00:55:19,551 --> 00:55:23,030
Do not jest, sir! Believe me:
I am deadly earnest.
922
00:55:23,065 --> 00:55:26,089
And I am living Rodney,
and mean to stay that way.
923
00:55:26,124 --> 00:55:29,114
You have no choice.
This is an affair of honour.
924
00:55:29,149 --> 00:55:31,121
We meet at dawn.
925
00:55:31,156 --> 00:55:33,834
Couldn't we make it later?
I sleep until midday.
926
00:55:33,869 --> 00:55:36,434
At dawn, sir. One hour from now.
927
00:55:36,469 --> 00:55:38,077
Oh, very well. Where?
928
00:55:38,112 --> 00:55:40,440
You may choose the location.
929
00:55:40,475 --> 00:55:44,599
- What about the Garden of Fragrance?
- The Garden of Fragrance it is, sir.
930
00:55:44,634 --> 00:55:46,910
They say the scent's lovely in the morning.
931
00:55:46,945 --> 00:55:48,956
Till dawn, then.
932
00:55:53,120 --> 00:55:55,076
What hour is it?
933
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,198
A minute before dawn, sir.
934
00:55:58,233 --> 00:56:00,161
Hello. Here they come.
935
00:56:00,196 --> 00:56:02,394
- I don't care for
your choice of location.
936
00:56:02,395 --> 00:56:04,592
- I know what I'm doing.
Are the horses ready?
937
00:56:04,627 --> 00:56:07,928
- Waiting. Will you kill him?
- No. He'd have the girl's head.
938
00:56:07,963 --> 00:56:11,230
I've just got to delay him long enough
for us to get a good start.
939
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:17,279
Morning. Well, here we are, then.
What happens now?
940
00:56:17,314 --> 00:56:21,244
- What? Haven't you ever fought
a duel before? - Only with conkers.
941
00:56:21,279 --> 00:56:24,830
- It's going to be a piece of cake, sir.
- I've never had a fight with cake.
942
00:56:24,865 --> 00:56:26,523
Wait for me!
943
00:56:26,558 --> 00:56:30,315
- What's he doing here?
- The Duke has agreed to act as referee.
944
00:56:30,350 --> 00:56:33,370
Good morning, gentlemen.
Lovely day. Are we ready?
945
00:56:33,405 --> 00:56:36,356
- Yes.
- Splendid. Now, I want a good clean fight.
946
00:56:36,391 --> 00:56:40,075
No fouling, plenty of action,
and no shooting below the belt. Right?
947
00:56:40,110 --> 00:56:41,444
- Right.
- Right.
948
00:56:41,479 --> 00:56:44,199
Now, then, arm yourselves,
gentlemen, please.
949
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,556
For me? Oh, thanks.
950
00:56:51,720 --> 00:56:54,553
- You're only supposed to have one.
- Yes, only one.
951
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,599
Well, for heaven's sake, get on with it!
952
00:57:00,634 --> 00:57:03,794
Now, now. Temper, temper. I am the referee,
953
00:57:03,829 --> 00:57:06,954
and we shall start when I am ready. Ready?
954
00:57:06,989 --> 00:57:08,712
Seconds... out.
955
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:13,396
Well done.
956
00:57:13,431 --> 00:57:17,132
Now, then, will you face me,
gentlemen, please?
957
00:57:17,167 --> 00:57:20,834
Now, when I give the signal, you will turn,
958
00:57:20,869 --> 00:57:23,211
walk ten paces, and fire.
959
00:57:23,246 --> 00:57:25,554
Are we ready? Good show.
961
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,199
- Aaargh!
- I say, you're a bit close, aren't you?
962
00:57:36,234 --> 00:57:39,119
You nincompoop!
You're supposed to go the other way.
963
00:57:39,154 --> 00:57:41,919
- Which other way?
- Over there. Go on.
964
00:57:41,954 --> 00:57:43,956
Did you see that? He pushed me.
965
00:57:43,991 --> 00:57:45,632
Come back here at once!
966
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:57,074
I'm very cross with you. Another
incident, and I shall send you both off.
967
00:57:57,109 --> 00:57:58,604
Well, he started it.
968
00:57:58,639 --> 00:58:00,472
- No, I did not!
- Yes, you did.
969
00:58:00,507 --> 00:58:02,675
That's enough. Really!
970
00:58:02,710 --> 00:58:06,349
All this fuss over a silly little duel.
Now, take your positions again.
971
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:10,269
We will start back-to-back this time.
972
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:13,830
That is better. Now, are you ready?
973
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:21,559
No! No! Don't kill him!
974
00:58:21,594 --> 00:58:23,357
I love... No!
975
00:58:23,392 --> 00:58:26,151
Get out of the way, woman!
976
00:58:26,186 --> 00:58:28,651
Get off! Get off! Get her off.
977
00:58:28,686 --> 00:58:31,081
Get that fan off the pitch.
978
00:58:31,116 --> 00:58:34,510
- Oooh! Oooh!
- I have never seen anything like it.
979
00:58:34,545 --> 00:58:36,283
You're a disgrace!
980
00:58:36,318 --> 00:58:40,837
If I may say so, sir, you're showing
an extraordinary lack of control.
981
00:58:40,872 --> 00:58:44,071
- So are you, in those trousers!
- You mind your own business.
982
00:58:44,106 --> 00:58:46,993
Now, for the last time, gentlemen...
places, please.
983
00:58:47,028 --> 00:58:49,036
Yes... Oh, thank you.
984
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:52,402
Are you ready?
985
00:58:52,437 --> 00:58:54,282
- Excuse me.
- Oh, what now?
986
00:58:54,317 --> 00:58:56,754
Could we make it 15 paces instead of ten?
987
00:58:56,789 --> 00:58:59,313
- What on earth for?
- Well, 15 is my lucky number.
988
00:58:59,348 --> 00:59:03,399
Oh, all right! 15 paces. For heaven's
sake, let's get this thing over with.
989
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,320
- Oh, no! (Chuckles)
990
00:59:17,355 --> 00:59:18,719
Come on.
991
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,201
BIDET: Sir! Sir! Are you all right?
992
00:59:24,236 --> 00:59:27,915
- Was it the?
- The cesspit, where he belongs.
993
00:59:27,950 --> 00:59:28,665
Oh!
994
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:31,921
Ooh! He's right in it this time.
995
00:59:31,956 --> 00:59:36,113
- That's why you picked this place.
- Yeah, that's it. Get the horses. Come on.
997
00:59:39,400 --> 00:59:40,859
Ready?
998
00:59:40,894 --> 00:59:42,284
Now!
999
00:59:42,319 --> 00:59:44,152
DARCY: Come on. Here we go.
1000
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,640
Oi, Rodney, what about our bargain?
1001
00:59:49,675 --> 00:59:52,194
Looks like you've lost your new-found love!
1003
00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:01,396
Are you all right, sir?
1004
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,836
The kiss of life!
1005
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:13,522
- What, no chopping today?
- Too early.
1006
01:00:13,557 --> 01:00:16,278
The unions won't let them
work before breakfast.
1007
01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:20,040
Why didn't you get rid of old stinky
Camembert when you had the chance?
1008
01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:25,075
You stupid Darcy. If Camembert doesn't
come back alive, the girl gets the chop.
1009
01:00:25,110 --> 01:00:27,193
Now, where is this Bastille, Pommfrit?
1010
01:00:27,228 --> 01:00:29,312
- I haven't got it.
- You've been there.
1011
01:00:29,347 --> 01:00:31,396
Oh, there. Yes, of course. Follow me.
1012
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:47,952
- I shall want half your detachment,
Captain. - Right, half of you, fall out.
1013
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:16,019
We're too late.
1015
01:01:20,120 --> 01:01:24,044
- He hasn't got her, sir. Look!
- I can see that, you great nitwit!
1016
01:01:24,079 --> 01:01:28,517
Citizen Nitwit, if you don't mind, sir.
In our new Republic, all are equal...
1017
01:01:28,552 --> 01:01:31,370
Yes, yes, I know all that rubbish.
1018
01:01:31,405 --> 01:01:34,154
So, Mademoiselle, we meet again.
1019
01:01:34,189 --> 01:01:37,371
I'm not afraid of you.
Send me to the guillotine, if you will.
1020
01:01:37,406 --> 01:01:40,581
You will never learn the identity
of the Black Fingernail.
1021
01:01:40,616 --> 01:01:43,757
I don't need to, Mademoiselle.
I already know who he is.
1022
01:01:43,792 --> 01:01:47,011
- What?
- Yes, an English fop.
1023
01:01:47,046 --> 01:01:49,718
A dancing dandy. A mincing ninny.
1024
01:01:49,753 --> 01:01:52,390
His name is Sir Rodney Ffing.
1025
01:01:52,425 --> 01:01:53,798
With two Fs.
1026
01:01:53,833 --> 01:01:56,494
Sir Rodney Ffing! With two Fs.
1027
01:01:56,529 --> 01:01:59,121
Even his name is music to my ears.
1028
01:01:59,156 --> 01:02:01,913
And I happen to know
that he's in Paris even now,
1029
01:02:01,948 --> 01:02:04,718
and that he intends to try to rescue you.
1030
01:02:04,753 --> 01:02:07,877
And when he does try, I shall be
waiting for him.
1031
01:02:07,912 --> 01:02:09,881
Oh, what a dastardly scheme!
1032
01:02:09,916 --> 01:02:12,763
Now, now, none of your filthy,
bourgeois language here.
1033
01:02:12,798 --> 01:02:16,395
I shall not let him come here.
I shall get warning to him somehow.
1034
01:02:16,430 --> 01:02:18,401
I thought you might try that,
1035
01:02:18,436 --> 01:02:22,991
so I've arranged to have you secretly
conveyed to another place of detention
1036
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:27,920
I can't stand it. I'm going in.
1037
01:02:27,955 --> 01:02:31,635
You must be joking. There's too many of
them. We're not even armed.
1038
01:02:31,670 --> 01:02:34,314
So what?
Who knows what's happening to her in there?
1039
01:02:34,349 --> 01:02:36,356
Death, or even a fate worse than death.
1040
01:02:36,391 --> 01:02:40,917
Don't worry. I haven't tried death, but I
tried the other. It's not as bad as they say
1041
01:02:40,952 --> 01:02:42,956
- Somebody's coming.
- Come on.
1042
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:45,950
Oh!
1043
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:01,761
You know where to take her?
1044
01:03:01,796 --> 01:03:04,313
- Yes, Citizen.
- Get going.
1045
01:03:04,348 --> 01:03:07,352
And guard her well, if you value your head.
1046
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:13,875
I want two men on duty near her old cell,
night and day, Captain.
1047
01:03:13,910 --> 01:03:15,881
Yes, Citizen.
1048
01:03:15,916 --> 01:03:18,559
And you, Bidet, will remain in her cell.
1049
01:03:18,594 --> 01:03:21,473
If anyone tries to get in,
arrest them immediately,
1050
01:03:21,508 --> 01:03:24,353
no matter who or what they look like.
Understand?
1051
01:03:24,388 --> 01:03:26,316
Don't worry, Citizen, sir.
1052
01:03:26,351 --> 01:03:28,361
He won't fool me with his disguises.
1053
01:03:28,396 --> 01:03:32,359
Good. Let me know the moment
anything happens. I shall be in my office.
1054
01:03:38,320 --> 01:03:40,629
Nice of them to tell us they're
setting a trap.
1055
01:03:40,664 --> 01:03:42,756
Yes, isn't it? We'll make good use of it.
1056
01:03:42,791 --> 01:03:43,954
How?
1057
01:03:43,989 --> 01:03:48,949
Well, the first thing we do is find out where
they've taken her. It's very simple. Come on
1060
01:04:07,480 --> 01:04:09,436
You two, come with me.
1062
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:34,754
Count of Marseilles,
Princess of Lyons, Duc de Saville...
1063
01:04:34,789 --> 01:04:37,593
Guillotine, guillotine, guillotine.
1064
01:04:37,628 --> 01:04:39,397
- Come.
1065
01:04:39,432 --> 01:04:41,431
Citizen! Bidet's caught someone.
1066
01:04:41,466 --> 01:04:44,830
What?! At last! At last!
1068
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:55,196
This should be him. Come on.
1069
01:05:02,560 --> 01:05:04,312
- Hands up!
- What are you doing?
1070
01:05:04,347 --> 01:05:06,321
I'm arresting you, you fool.
1071
01:05:06,356 --> 01:05:09,193
Are you out of your senses?
It's me, Camembert.
1072
01:05:09,228 --> 01:05:11,409
Yes, of course, and I'm Madame Pompadour.
1073
01:05:11,444 --> 01:05:13,555
Don't take that tone with me, you upstart!
1074
01:05:13,590 --> 01:05:17,275
Watch it, watch it. Oh, you've made
a right mess of this, haven't you?
1075
01:05:17,310 --> 01:05:19,316
You don't even look like Camembert.
1076
01:05:19,351 --> 01:05:21,242
But I am him. I mean, he.
1077
01:05:21,277 --> 01:05:23,635
Yes, we'll see about that. Guards!
1078
01:05:23,670 --> 01:05:26,279
You fool!
1079
01:05:26,314 --> 01:05:29,416
- Does this look like Camembert?
- No, not half ugly enough.
1080
01:05:29,451 --> 01:05:32,518
- Where are those beady little eyes?
- And the snotty nose?
1081
01:05:32,553 --> 01:05:35,435
- And the rabbit teeth?
- All right. Take him away!
1082
01:05:35,470 --> 01:05:38,318
- Where are you taking me?
- To Citizen Camembert.
1083
01:05:38,353 --> 01:05:40,356
But I am Citizen Camembert.
1084
01:05:40,391 --> 01:05:41,998
Get out! Go on.
1085
01:05:46,080 --> 01:05:48,913
- He's not here.
- Of course he's not here. I'm him!
1086
01:05:48,948 --> 01:05:51,169
Why don't we take him to
Citizen Robespierre?
1087
01:05:51,204 --> 01:05:53,390
Yes, Robespierre. He'll tell you who I am.
1088
01:05:53,425 --> 01:05:54,798
Out! Out!
1089
01:05:54,833 --> 01:05:57,274
All right. In you go.
1090
01:05:57,309 --> 01:06:00,312
Citizen Robespierre,
will you tell these fools who I am?
1091
01:06:00,347 --> 01:06:02,117
Well, who are you?
1092
01:06:02,152 --> 01:06:07,314
I don't believe it. You know me.
Citizen Camembert. Little Cammie.
1093
01:06:07,349 --> 01:06:10,358
I know Citizen Camembert very well,
but who are you?
1094
01:06:10,393 --> 01:06:13,238
Oh, no! Oh!
1095
01:06:13,273 --> 01:06:15,669
I caught him trying to rescue the girl, sir.
1096
01:06:15,704 --> 01:06:17,044
Well done, Bidet.
1097
01:06:17,079 --> 01:06:20,003
Of course,
the idea for the trap was mine, Citizen.
1098
01:06:20,038 --> 01:06:22,963
Your idea?
Don't believe him, the two-faced little rat.
1099
01:06:22,998 --> 01:06:26,959
The girl isn't in the cell. I had her
removed, so the Fingernail couldn't get her
1100
01:06:26,994 --> 01:06:29,634
- Oh? Where to?
- The Ch�teauneuf.
1101
01:06:29,669 --> 01:06:31,721
Ch�teauneuf, eh?
1102
01:06:31,756 --> 01:06:33,976
With a guard of 20 soldiers over her.
1103
01:06:33,977 --> 01:06:36,197
Would I know all that
if I weren't Camembert?
1104
01:06:36,232 --> 01:06:38,414
I'll look into it. Bidet, guard him well.
1105
01:06:38,449 --> 01:06:40,596
- Yes, sir.
- You two, come with me.
1106
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:47,037
So, trapping the Fingernail was your idea,
was it?
1107
01:06:47,072 --> 01:06:50,232
Yes, that's right.
Citizen Camembert's not a bad old stick,
1108
01:06:50,267 --> 01:06:52,276
but he hasn't got it up here like me.
1109
01:06:52,311 --> 01:06:54,156
You stupid great fool!
1110
01:06:54,191 --> 01:06:56,350
- What's that?
1111
01:06:56,385 --> 01:06:58,396
I don't know.
1112
01:07:04,160 --> 01:07:06,438
Citizen Robespierre!
1113
01:07:06,473 --> 01:07:08,682
It can't be. He just went out.
1114
01:07:08,717 --> 01:07:13,954
That wasn't him, you blithering idiot!
That was the Fingernail. He's done it again.
1115
01:07:13,989 --> 01:07:17,311
- Then you must be...
BOTH: Camembert, yes.
1116
01:07:17,346 --> 01:07:20,870
Now will you believe me,
you blithering idiot?
1117
01:07:20,905 --> 01:07:24,395
Oh, no! The girl. I told him where she is.
1118
01:07:24,430 --> 01:07:26,436
My coach, quick.
1120
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:45,109
There we are. The Ch�teauneuf.
Or, as you would call it, Number Nine.
1121
01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:47,121
Well named. It won't be easy to take.
1122
01:07:47,156 --> 01:07:50,357
Not against 20 soldiers.
Are those doors the only way in?
1123
01:07:50,392 --> 01:07:52,331
- Oh, yes.
- They look pretty solid to me.
1124
01:07:52,366 --> 01:07:54,236
- We need a ram.
- I saw one in the field.
1125
01:07:54,271 --> 01:07:57,909
- That was a ewe.
- Wait. I've got a better idea. Gunpowder.
1126
01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:29,712
'Ere! What about me?
1127
01:08:34,000 --> 01:08:36,275
- Well, hurry.
- Nice manners, I must say.
1128
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:42,752
Ouvrez! Ouvrez! And hurry up about it.
1129
01:08:42,787 --> 01:08:45,444
Ouvrez! Ouvrez!
1130
01:08:45,479 --> 01:08:47,481
Oh, it's you, Citizen.
1131
01:08:47,516 --> 01:08:49,874
- Is the girl all right?
- Yes, Citizen. Fine.
1132
01:08:49,909 --> 01:08:52,958
Thank goodness for that.
We're in time. What's all that?
1133
01:08:52,993 --> 01:08:54,553
He loves me
1134
01:08:54,588 --> 01:08:56,113
SOLDIERS: Yeah, yeah, yeah
1135
01:08:56,148 --> 01:08:57,359
He loves me
1136
01:08:57,394 --> 01:08:59,112
Yeah, yeah, yeah
1137
01:08:59,147 --> 01:09:00,750
He lo-o-ves me
1138
01:09:00,785 --> 01:09:02,318
Yeah, yeah, yeah
1139
01:09:02,353 --> 01:09:05,352
- What's going on in here?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah
1140
01:09:05,387 --> 01:09:06,804
He loves me
1141
01:09:06,839 --> 01:09:08,916
Yeah, yeah, yeah
1142
01:09:08,951 --> 01:09:10,958
He lo-o-ves me
1143
01:09:10,993 --> 01:09:12,524
Yeah, yeah, yeah
1144
01:09:12,559 --> 01:09:15,916
Stop it! Stop it at once.
Get off the furniture, you louts!
1145
01:09:15,951 --> 01:09:18,195
How dare you sit on old, priceless antiques!
1146
01:09:18,230 --> 01:09:21,949
How dare you spoil beautiful things
with your grubby seat marks!
1147
01:09:21,984 --> 01:09:24,599
It's a disgrace. What's she doing
with that harp?
1148
01:09:24,634 --> 01:09:27,837
- Plucking it. - Well, I didn't
think she was knitting with it.
1149
01:09:27,872 --> 01:09:30,080
I didn't see any harm in a bit of freedom.
1150
01:09:30,115 --> 01:09:32,998
No harm, when the Fingernail may
arrive at any moment?
1151
01:09:33,033 --> 01:09:36,196
Take her to the top room of the High Tower.
1152
01:09:36,231 --> 01:09:39,596
Yes, Citizen. But there's a window there.
He might see her at it.
1153
01:09:39,631 --> 01:09:42,113
Fool! I want him to see her at it.
1154
01:09:42,148 --> 01:09:45,676
She is the bait
that will draw him into my final trap.
1155
01:09:45,711 --> 01:09:48,638
Yes, Citizen. Right, you two,
bring the girl.
1156
01:09:48,673 --> 01:09:50,676
Follow me.
1157
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,843
Oh, filthy great louts!
1158
01:10:00,878 --> 01:10:05,272
Oh, absolute vandalism. They don't
appreciate good stuff when they see it.
1159
01:10:05,307 --> 01:10:07,634
Why the fuss about a crummy
bit of furniture?
1160
01:10:07,669 --> 01:10:11,230
Crummy? This was the home
of Prince Jacques de Tourville,
1161
01:10:11,265 --> 01:10:13,709
one of the greatest art
collectors in France.
1162
01:10:13,744 --> 01:10:15,571
Every piece in it is priceless.
1163
01:10:15,606 --> 01:10:17,363
So what? It's not yours, is it?
1164
01:10:17,398 --> 01:10:22,838
Yes! It was presented to me as a reward
for all my services to the Revolution.
1165
01:10:22,873 --> 01:10:24,796
- Who by?
- Me, of course.
1166
01:10:24,831 --> 01:10:27,150
- Oh.
- But what about Prince Jacques?
1167
01:10:27,185 --> 01:10:29,161
Never mind Jacques. I'm all right.
1168
01:10:29,196 --> 01:10:32,431
- But where do I fit in?
- Wouldn't you like to be mistress of this?
1169
01:10:32,466 --> 01:10:35,636
No, I'm finished with that.
It's marriage for me or nothing.
1170
01:10:35,671 --> 01:10:40,276
The Princess D�sir�e de Ch�teauneuf.
Yes, I like the sound of that.
1171
01:10:40,311 --> 01:10:42,281
Oh, we'll see. We'll see. Come.
1172
01:10:42,316 --> 01:10:46,154
I must show you the private apartments.
They're magnificent.
1173
01:10:46,189 --> 01:10:49,242
Do you know, even the china
thing is Dresden. Bidet...
1174
01:10:49,277 --> 01:10:52,909
- Yes, Citizen, sir? - I shall want
top security. This is my final trap.
1175
01:10:52,944 --> 01:10:54,717
And she is the bait.
1176
01:10:54,752 --> 01:10:57,513
And what a smashing bit of cheese, sir!
1178
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:19,633
Oooh! Oh! Oh!
1179
01:11:20,760 --> 01:11:23,034
Oh, isn't it lovely?
1180
01:11:23,069 --> 01:11:25,081
What's that mirror up there for?
1181
01:11:25,116 --> 01:11:28,078
Oh, as I was saying,
the Prince was a great collector.
1182
01:11:28,113 --> 01:11:31,436
Oh, yes. He had some beautiful pieces.
1183
01:11:31,471 --> 01:11:33,715
Just look at this wardrobe here.
1185
01:11:35,597 --> 01:11:37,397
These were the Prince's?
1186
01:11:37,432 --> 01:11:39,954
- His wife's.
- Oh, I was going to say!
1187
01:11:39,989 --> 01:11:41,961
Oh, look at this beautiful one.
1188
01:11:41,996 --> 01:11:45,231
- Would you like me to get it out for you?
- Oh, yes, Cammie.
1189
01:11:46,440 --> 01:11:48,077
Ooh!
1190
01:11:48,112 --> 01:11:49,917
Isn't it lovely?
1191
01:11:49,952 --> 01:11:52,360
- Why don't you try it on?
- Can I?
1192
01:11:52,395 --> 01:11:55,597
- Of course.
- Oh, Cammie! Oh, this is fun!
1193
01:11:55,632 --> 01:11:57,910
Help me get my dress off.
1194
01:12:15,800 --> 01:12:18,951
- Why are these doors bolted?
- So the Fingernail can't get in.
1195
01:12:18,986 --> 01:12:21,634
Imbecile! We want him in.
It's a trap. Open them.
1196
01:12:21,669 --> 01:12:23,437
- But...
- Open the doors!
1197
01:12:23,472 --> 01:12:27,439
- I've had my orders, Citizen.
- Oh, well... never mind. I'll do it.
1198
01:12:41,520 --> 01:12:44,717
- Come along. The doors are open.
- I know, but they opened them.
1199
01:12:44,752 --> 01:12:49,794
What was that noise?
Bidet? Bidet? Where are you? Where?
1200
01:12:58,760 --> 01:13:01,911
- It looks like a trap.
- Yes, it's the spider-and-fly trick.
1201
01:13:01,946 --> 01:13:03,921
We'll have to find another way in.
1202
01:13:03,956 --> 01:13:05,996
I've got to get into Jacqueline's room.
1203
01:13:08,680 --> 01:13:12,912
Isn't it marvellous? I can't trust him
to do a thing without making a mess of it.
1204
01:13:12,947 --> 01:13:17,039
Bidet? Bidet? Are you all right? Bidet?
1205
01:13:17,074 --> 01:13:18,678
Mother!
1206
01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:22,758
Sorry, Citizen, sir. I can't think straight.
1207
01:13:22,793 --> 01:13:24,761
My brain's not working properly.
1208
01:13:24,796 --> 01:13:26,873
Yes, he's all right. Perfectly normal.
1209
01:13:26,908 --> 01:13:28,916
The Fingernail will be here any minute.
1210
01:13:28,951 --> 01:13:32,191
Now, no shooting.
I don't want bullet holes in my furniture.
1211
01:13:32,226 --> 01:13:34,236
Back to your stations, out of sight.
1212
01:13:34,271 --> 01:13:36,072
Yes, Citizen.
1214
01:13:43,280 --> 01:13:45,278
Are you sure this will get me up there?
1215
01:13:45,313 --> 01:13:47,276
We used it at the siege of Agincourt.
1216
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:51,274
All right. Go on. Let her go.
1217
01:13:54,960 --> 01:13:56,359
Aaaargh!
1219
01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:03,640
You!
1220
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:07,433
- Now, don't scream.
- Why? What are you going to do to me?
1221
01:14:07,468 --> 01:14:09,680
- Nothing.
- Well, that settles it. Help!
1222
01:14:09,715 --> 01:14:12,360
I tell you, I distinctly heard a crash
Come on.
1223
01:14:14,160 --> 01:14:17,789
Now, you know where she is,
and I've got to get her. Will you help me?
1224
01:14:17,824 --> 01:14:20,279
Look, you made a bargain,
and you never kept it.
1225
01:14:20,314 --> 01:14:23,517
I promise you,
if you help me, you'll marry your title.
1226
01:14:23,552 --> 01:14:26,213
- Honour bright?
- See that wet? See it dry?
1227
01:14:26,248 --> 01:14:28,875
If I break my promise,
you can spit in my eye.
1228
01:14:28,910 --> 01:14:31,133
Not now!
1229
01:14:31,168 --> 01:14:33,322
Well?
1230
01:14:33,357 --> 01:14:35,476
All right. It's a deal.
1231
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:40,588
And what, pray,
is the meaning of this intrusion?
1232
01:14:40,623 --> 01:14:42,203
What was that crash?
1233
01:14:42,238 --> 01:14:45,015
Oh, well,
I had a little accident opening the window.
1234
01:14:45,050 --> 01:14:47,793
A little accident?
That was worth thousands of francs.
1235
01:14:47,828 --> 01:14:49,801
It's a stained-glass window.
1236
01:14:49,836 --> 01:14:52,309
Well, if it was stained,
it needed replacing.
1237
01:14:52,344 --> 01:14:54,959
It needed repla...
1238
01:14:54,994 --> 01:14:57,036
Someone's been in here.
1239
01:14:57,071 --> 01:14:58,154
Don't be silly.
1240
01:14:58,189 --> 01:14:59,992
I don't believe you. Search the rooms.
1241
01:15:00,027 --> 01:15:02,036
- Please yourself.
- I will.
1242
01:15:25,200 --> 01:15:27,031
- Citizen, sir.
- What is it?
1243
01:15:27,066 --> 01:15:28,803
Look. Earmuffs.
1244
01:15:28,838 --> 01:15:31,514
You idiot! They're kneepads.
1245
01:15:34,400 --> 01:15:36,436
- Oh, yes.
1247
01:15:48,680 --> 01:15:51,990
Citizen, sir, I've got him,
the Black Fingernail! He's trapped.
1248
01:15:52,025 --> 01:15:54,469
Citizen Camembert? Citizen...
1249
01:15:56,840 --> 01:15:59,054
...Camembert.
1251
01:16:06,640 --> 01:16:10,017
You stupid...
Where are you? Where are you?
1252
01:16:10,052 --> 01:16:13,395
You stupid idiot!
What do you think you're doing?
1253
01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:26,198
Hello. Citizen Camembert
wants me to speak to the girl.
1254
01:16:26,233 --> 01:16:28,236
Certainly, madam.
1255
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:36,836
All right. You can come out now.
1256
01:16:40,440 --> 01:16:42,396
That was a hair-raising experience.
1257
01:16:42,431 --> 01:16:44,948
- You!
- Yes! It's me.
1258
01:16:46,400 --> 01:16:49,153
- You said you would come back.
- I said I would come back.
1259
01:16:49,188 --> 01:16:51,161
- And you are here.
- And I am here.
1260
01:16:51,196 --> 01:16:53,713
- Like you said you would.
- Like I said I would.
1261
01:16:53,748 --> 01:16:57,002
Oh, all right. What are you trying
to do? Make a play of it?
1262
01:16:57,037 --> 01:17:01,113
- I never thought you would come
back like this. - It was the only way.
1263
01:17:01,148 --> 01:17:03,998
- You took a big risk.
- Not half as big as the one I took.
1264
01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:07,514
- I love you.
- And I love you.
1265
01:17:07,549 --> 01:17:09,750
Oh, that's enough.
1266
01:17:11,280 --> 01:17:13,395
- Come on. Let's get out of here.
- But how?
1267
01:17:13,430 --> 01:17:17,399
I've got friends. Here. See?
They're waiting for my signal.
1268
01:17:20,080 --> 01:17:22,878
Right, my friend. To arms.
1269
01:17:27,000 --> 01:17:30,436
In case it slipped your mind,
you're supposed to get us out of here.
1270
01:17:30,471 --> 01:17:32,521
Eh? Oh, yes.
1271
01:17:32,556 --> 01:17:35,757
Right. You go first, and we'll follow.
In a couple of days.
1272
01:17:35,792 --> 01:17:38,558
Oh, no, you don't.
We all go together, or not at all.
1273
01:17:38,593 --> 01:17:42,992
All right, then, spoilsport.
Go on. Make a noise. Call for help.
1276
01:17:54,200 --> 01:17:57,272
Stay here.
I'll send for you when it's over.
1277
01:17:58,400 --> 01:17:59,559
Yoo-hoo!
1278
01:17:59,594 --> 01:18:01,442
It's me.
1279
01:18:01,477 --> 01:18:03,596
The Black Fingernail! After him.
1281
01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:10,237
Bolt all the doors, Bidet.
We've got him in the trap.
1282
01:18:10,272 --> 01:18:11,958
Yes, sir.
1283
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:26,161
DARCY: Come on, Pommfrit.
1284
01:18:26,196 --> 01:18:30,079
Ah-ha-ha! Come on.
Defend yourself, you poxy knave!
1285
01:18:30,114 --> 01:18:34,512
I'll have you arrested for this. You know
what you're doing? You're masquerading.
1286
01:18:34,547 --> 01:18:37,267
Help! Help! Help!
1287
01:18:37,302 --> 01:18:39,988
Pax! Fainites!
1289
01:19:00,560 --> 01:19:01,959
Cor!
1290
01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:05,713
No, no! Don't shoot. Mind the furniture.
1291
01:19:07,440 --> 01:19:09,351
No, no. Use your swords.
1292
01:19:11,360 --> 01:19:12,588
Darcy!
1293
01:19:16,200 --> 01:19:17,234
Now.
1294
01:19:17,269 --> 01:19:19,920
Ha-ha-ha! Come on.
1295
01:19:52,960 --> 01:19:55,155
Aaaargh!
1296
01:19:55,190 --> 01:19:57,999
Tremendous fun!
1297
01:19:59,400 --> 01:20:02,039
Get going. I'll hold 'em off.
1299
01:20:21,480 --> 01:20:24,438
You'll pay for that window!
You'll pay for it. Do you hear?
1300
01:20:43,040 --> 01:20:44,758
Hey-yaargh!
1301
01:20:59,960 --> 01:21:01,518
Argh!
1302
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:06,036
You clumsy great lout!
Can't you be more careful?
1303
01:21:06,071 --> 01:21:08,076
You've ruined my petit point.
1304
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:21,431
It could never have happened
before the Revolution.
1306
01:21:39,200 --> 01:21:43,512
Oh, beautiful things! Irreplaceable.
1308
01:21:59,800 --> 01:22:03,156
Wait! Mind the vase.
1309
01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:05,389
Ready?
1310
01:22:17,200 --> 01:22:20,988
Oh, no! One of the finest collections
in France.
1311
01:22:21,023 --> 01:22:24,197
Ruined! Ruined! Gone for ever.
1312
01:22:46,240 --> 01:22:48,754
SOLDIER: Go on!
1314
01:23:33,440 --> 01:23:34,509
Oh, no!
1316
01:23:51,240 --> 01:23:53,159
Won't be a minute, Duke.
1317
01:23:53,194 --> 01:23:55,078
Oh, no! Not the harp.
1318
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:59,796
POMMFRIT: Ah-ha! Ooh, I say!
1319
01:24:09,880 --> 01:24:12,189
- Thank you, Duke.
1320
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:20,315
Vandals! This took years to make.
1321
01:24:20,350 --> 01:24:22,356
Oh, beautiful thing!
1322
01:24:29,680 --> 01:24:32,911
Bidet! Bidet! Speak to me.
1323
01:24:32,946 --> 01:24:34,717
Waargh.
1324
01:24:34,752 --> 01:24:36,761
Oh... my bust!
1325
01:24:36,796 --> 01:24:40,077
Oh, beautiful thing.
1326
01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:45,553
Ha-ha!
1327
01:24:50,320 --> 01:24:52,276
- Ol�!
- Oh, shut up. Get the girls.
1328
01:25:02,040 --> 01:25:03,758
Look out, Rodney!
1329
01:25:05,840 --> 01:25:08,559
Oh, no! What have I done?
1331
01:25:09,993 --> 01:25:12,154
Well, Cheeseface, the reckoning has come.
1332
01:25:12,189 --> 01:25:14,316
All right, Sir Rodney. You win. I give up.
1333
01:25:14,351 --> 01:25:16,162
What shall we do with him, Darcy?
1334
01:25:16,197 --> 01:25:19,989
Well, there are lots of things we could do.
Hang him, drown him...
1335
01:25:20,024 --> 01:25:23,072
- Or just ventilate him!
- I'm coming, Citizen, sir!
1336
01:25:26,160 --> 01:25:27,080
Oh, no!
1337
01:25:27,115 --> 01:25:29,696
Oh, oh, no, no, no!
1338
01:25:29,731 --> 01:25:32,277
Darcy, bring the girls!
1339
01:25:36,560 --> 01:25:40,678
DARCY: Come on. Let's get out of here.
Come on, Pommfrit.
1340
01:25:40,713 --> 01:25:43,195
CAMEMBERT: Pull it up!
1341
01:25:43,230 --> 01:25:45,678
Up a bit! I'm holding it.
1342
01:25:48,600 --> 01:25:50,272
DARCY: Let's get out of here.
1343
01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:13,241
Anyway, we've drawn a big crowd.
1344
01:26:13,276 --> 01:26:17,797
I have, you mean. You don't think they've come
to see your miserable head fall, do you?
1345
01:26:17,832 --> 01:26:20,040
I hope the rain keeps off. I forgot my hat.
1346
01:26:20,075 --> 01:26:23,596
Thank goodness the accursed
Fingernail is not here to see this.
1347
01:26:23,631 --> 01:26:25,511
I've got news for you.
1348
01:26:26,640 --> 01:26:28,870
I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
1351
01:26:34,868 --> 01:26:36,837
Wedding March
1352
01:26:36,872 --> 01:26:39,120
Nice way to keep a bargain, I must say!
1353
01:26:39,155 --> 01:26:42,277
What's the matter?
I promised you a title, and he's got one.
1354
01:26:42,312 --> 01:26:43,998
I hate to think what it is.
104763
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.