Original subtitles

♪♪♪♪

SAY THAT AGAIN.

I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER.

WAIT. YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH DREW?

YES. STOP PLAYING!

I'M NOT!

WAIT. SAM, YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE.

I AM.

AND THAT SHE'S VERY SPECIAL.

SHE IS.

AND I HAD TO WAIT TO MEET HER.

YES.

AND ‐‐ WAIT.

THAT'S IT.

YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT DREW? YES!

WELL, SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KEEP ON TALKING.

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?

NO.

WAIT. ARE ‐‐ ARE YOU SURE

THIS ISN'T, LIKE, A LUST THING?

I'M PAST THAT.

SAM.

AND IT FEELS REALLY STRANGE TO ME.

WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

I'VE NEVER LOVED ANY WOMAN BEFORE.

I KNOW.

BEEN IN LOVE WITH A FEW GUYS.

YOU INCLUDED.

AWW, THANKS, BRO. LOVE YOU, TOO.

YEAH, BUDDY.

Both: MWAH, MWAH, MWAH.

YOU. YOU BODY‐BLOCKED?

I'M JUST TOO FAR, MAN.

OR NOT FAR ENOUGH.

WAIT. SAM.

DREW? YES.

TELL ME HOW THIS HAPPENED.

WELL, I WISH I COULD.

WELL, START FROM THE BEGINNING.

WELL, WE WENT OUT THAT NIGHT.

MM‐HMM.

AND, UH, WE GOT DRUNK.

Both: MM‐HMM.

AND WE WERE FLIRTING.

Both: MM‐HMM.

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, 500 POSITIONS LATER...

Both: MM‐HMM.

...I'M IN LOVE.

[ BOTH SIGH ]

DOES SHE KNOW THIS?

NO.

IS SHE IN LOVE WITH YOU?

NO, SHE STILL THINKS I'M THE SAME OLD SAM.

OH, SAM.

I KNOW, AND IT HURTS.

SAM...

I KNOW, DANNY, I KNOW!

ARE YOU HURT? YES!

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH ME.

♪♪♪♪

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

♪♪♪♪

♪♪♪♪

SO, WHAT DO I DO?

NOTHING. WHY NOT?

IF SHE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, DO NOTHING.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. YEAH.

ACTUALLY, THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

JUST LET THIS GO, MAN.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? WHAT IF SHE'S MY SOUL MATE?

DON'T YOU EVER CUSS AT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!

SHE AIN'T YOUR DAMN SOUL MATE, ALL RIGHT?

HEY.

HEY, DON'T GET ‐‐ DON'T GET OFFENDED, BUDDY.

YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE MY...

RIGHT. YEAH.

SHE'S MY FEMALE SOUL MATE.

OKAY, WELL, YOU BETTER FIX IT.

WELL...

SAM, YOU'RE SERIOUS?

YES, CAN'T YOU TELL?

YEAH, AND THAT'S WHAT SCARES ME.

I JUST CAN'T LET GO.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO.

WHY?

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T MAKE HER LOVE YOU

IF SHE DOESN'T.

THAT'S A COUNTRY SONG.

THAT'S THE TRUTH, LITTLE BUDDY.

[ CLICKS TONGUE ] HEY!

YOU SHOT AT ME!

WITH THE TRUTH. [ BLOWS SHARPLY ]

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I BET I CAN.

SAM...

NO, OPERATION "MAKE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH ME" IS ON!

THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.

YOU KNOW HOW MANY WOMEN I MADE FALL IN LOVE WITH ME?

YEAH, AND YOU BROKE ALL THEIR HEARTS, YOU JERK.

THIS IS DIFFERENT.

HOW SO? BECAUSE IT'S DREW.

YEAH, IT'S DREW, OUR FRIEND.

I THINK THIS IS JUST YOUR WAY OF GETTING HER TO FALL FOR YOU

JUST SO YOU CAN SLEEP WITH HER.

AND THAT'S NOT COOL, MAN.

UH, UH, NO, IT'S NOT, AND ‐‐ AND ‐‐ AND ‐‐ AND I'M NOT.

DANIEL, I'VE ALREADY SLEPT WITH HER A LOT.

LIKE, A LOT.

SAM, I'M TELLING YOU,

I DON'T LIKE THIS, MAN, SO LET IT GO.

WELL, I DO LIKE IT, AND I LOVE HER!

"LOVE" ‐‐ THE L‐WORD AND YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HEARING THIS.

CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING IT...

OR DOING HER.

EW! SAM.

NO, DANNY. SHE'S AMAZING!

DREW? YEAH, DREW.

YOU KNOW, "SAM, SAM, SAM, MORE!"

"LIKE, PLEASE, LEAVE ME ALONE."

SHE PULLS OUT A GUN ‐‐ TWO OF 'EM.

SHE'S GOT IT TO MY ‐‐ "YOU BETTER NOT, YOU BETTER NOT.

YOU BETTER WAIT THREE HOURS.

NOT TOO SOON."

I'M LIKE, "CAN I NOW?"

I DON'T GET IT.

YEAH.

WELL, UM, IT'S LIKE THIS.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I‐I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

NO, NO, NO. IT'S THE WAY THAT SHE HOLDS ME.

AWW, SAM.

AND THE WAY THAT SHE GRABS MY EARS.

SAM?

USES 'EM LIKE A GPS!

"IN 1/4 INCH,

YOU'VE BOTH ARRIVED AT YOUR MUTUAL DESTINATION.

WELCOME TO CLIMAX STATION."

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS.

SORRY. WELL, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR

ABOUT YOU AND...TROY, BUT I DO.

THAT'S DIFFERENT.

NO, IT'S NOT. YES, IT IS.

TROY AND I ARE MARRIED,

AND WE'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, AND...

NEITHER ONE OF US ARRIVE AT OUR DESTINATION

AT THE SAME TIME.

SHE TAKES FOREVER!

AND SOME‐‐ SOMETIMES I GO EARLY.

OHH.

BUT WE'RE MARRIED, SO SHE DOESN'T GET THAT MAD.

JUST KIND OF COMES WITH THE TERRITORY.

[ TAPS DESK ]

AND YOU KNOW, DREW WILL GET THERE.

NO, SHE WON'T. DON'T YOU SEE HER?

OHH.

NO, NO, NO, I'LL GET HER TO FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

I JUST NEED TO TURN ON MY CHARM.

DON'T DO IT.

YOU'RE NOT GIVING ME A REASON WHY NOT TO DO IT.

YOU.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU'RE JUST GONNA CHANGE YOUR MIND.

NO, I'M NOT.

LOOK, I KNOW YOU, SAM.

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE CHASE FOR YOU.

DANNY, YOU ‐‐ YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT, DO YOU?

I KNOW YOU BY YOUR WORKS, BRO.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M DOING. I REALLY DO LOVE HER.

THEN DON'T PLAY THAT "GOTTA GO GET HER" GAME.

I'M A MAN! THAT'S WHAT MEN DO!

WE'RE HUNTERS.

YEAH, AND HUNTERS ENJOY THE HUNT.

THEY JUST HUNT FOR SPORT.

I DO IT TO LIVE! YEAH!

OKAY, NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME.

NO, I'M NOT.

OKAY, FINE, DO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO, THEN.

OH, I WILL.

SAM, IF SHE GETS HURT, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SURE ‐‐

I'M SURE THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH HER.

I AM SURE.

OKAY.

WELL, LISTEN,

I JUST NEED TO MAKE HER FALL IN LOVE WITH ME.

THIS IS NOT GONNA BE GOOD.

♪♪♪♪

OOH.

AHH.

SO DAMN NICE, I'LL HIT IT TWICE.

HERE YOU GO.

WHAT THE HELL?

WHAT IS THIS?

I KNEW YOU LIKED THESE.

SAM?

YEAH?

WHY DID YOU BUY THOSE?

'CAUSE I KNEW THEY WERE YOUR FAVORITE.

YEAH, THEY ARE. [ CHUCKLES ]

AND I WANTED YOU TO HAVE 'EM.

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

NOTHING.

NO, YOU'RE UP TO SOMETHING.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU.

OH. WELL, THANK YOU. [ CHUCKLES ]

YOU'RE WELCOME.

NOW, DON'T THINK OF ME AGAIN.

I WISH I COULD.

NOW IT'S GETTING CREEPY.

I'LL SAY.

I WANT YOU TO NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

LOOK, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHEN I THINK ABOUT YOU,

I'MA DO SOMETHING.

SAM.

EVERY TIME.

DO YOU WANT ME TO HURT YOU?

SO GOOD.

OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? DANNY?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME

END THIS LITTLE MINDLESS FLING WITH SAM.

THAT IS REALLY INSENSITIVE, BUT YOU'RE WELCOME.

IT WON'T WORK.

WHAT?

YOU CAN'T RESIST THIS.

I LIKE BLACK MEN, BITCH.

BLACK MEN.

I'M A BITCH THAT LIKE BLACK MEN.

WELL, YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING THIS VANILLA BEAN

FOR SEVERAL MONTHS.

AND FOR THE RECORD,

VANILLA PODS ARE LONG, HARD, AND BLACK.

[ SCOFFS ]

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T GET.

YOU'VE BEEN A PASSER‐OF‐TIME MAN‐FRIEND THING.

THAT'S IT.

YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S SO RACIST.

NO, IT'S NOT. IT'S WHAT I PREFER.

IT'S A PREFERENCE.

DANNY, DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S RACIST?

WELL, I THINK IT'S THE NASTIEST.

UH, OH. MMM.

SORRY. I GET YA?

IT'S OKAY. I CAUGHT IT.

THAT THE TWO OF YOU WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER.

ARE. WERE.

WHATEVER.

LOOK, WE HAVE WORK TO DO.

ENOUGH WITH THE CHILD'S PLAY.

I ‐‐ I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YEAH, OKAY. FINE.

BACK TO WORK.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

"SEND."

"SEND."

"SEND."

[ E‐MAIL ALERT RINGING ]

SAM!

YES?

STOP SENDING ME E‐MAILS.

I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW

THAT EVERY "SEND" TIME "SEND" TIME

"SEND" I THINK "SEND" ABOUT "SEND" YOU "SEND."

OH. OKAY.

[ COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING ]

[ E‐MAIL ALERT RINGING ]

SEE? NOW YOU THINK ABOUT ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

GO AHEAD AND OPEN THAT BAD BOY.

OKAY, I'LL OPEN THIS BAD BOY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH! WHAT THE HELL?!

WHAT?

WHO IS THIS?!

IT'S A BIG BLACK MAN.

A BIG FIRM, STRONG, BIG, BLACK MAN.

THEY CALL HIM LIL' DONKEY.

AH.

NOTHING ABOUT HIM IS LIL'.

YOU SHOULD SEE HIS DAD.

THERE'S A SECOND ATTACHMENT?

OHHHH!

MMM. [ SIGHS ]

THIS IS...

MY TYPE.

NOW, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

OH.

IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO GROW ONE OF THOSE,

YOU CAN CALL ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

TAKES A LOT OF HGH TO MAKE THIS THING HAPPEN.

SAM, I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO LEAVE HER ALONE.

NO, I'M JUST GETTING STARTED.

♪♪♪♪

HONEY, DINNER WAS GREAT.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THE DISHES, ALL RIGHT?

THANK YOU, BABY.

OOH, THAT BABY GOT SOME GOOD SUCTION.

YOU CAN TELL.

EVERY TIME IT SUCK, LINDA'S EYES GET BIGGER.

[ LAUGHS ]

SHE LOOK DEHYDRATED.

BUT I KNOW ONE THING, FLOYD, SHE SURE COOKED THAT MEAL.

THAT WAS A GOOD MEAL THERE.

DIDN'T SHE, THOUGH? MM‐HMM.

YES, MA'AM. YEAH.

THANK YOU.

LINDA, YOUR COOKING IS GETTING BETTER.

SURE A GOOD DEAL, AIN'T IT, FLOYD?

YEAH. YEAH.

THANK YOU. YEAH.

[ SUCKING ]

WHAT IS IT, GIRL?

[ SUCKING CONTINUES ]

TIMMY FELL IN THE WELL?

[ SUCKING ]

THAT AIN'T NOTHING BUT TAKE‐OUT.

[ GASPS ]

YOU AIN'T WHO COOKED THAT DAMN MEAL.

WHAT?

MAMA.

THAT AIN'T NOTHING BUT GERALDINE'S.

I JUST HAD A BRAND‐NEW BABY.

I CAN'T BE STANDING OVER A HOT STOVE ALL DAY.

SO YOU JUST GONNA TAKE THE CREDIT

FOR GERALDINE COOKING, HUH?

I HEATED IT UP.

GERALDINE GONNA WHUP YOUR ASS.

SURE IS.

WELL, WE ENJOYED IT.

DIDN'T WE, BABY?

YEAH. YEAH, IT WAS GOOD.

BABY, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

NOTHING.

IT'S SAM AND DREW.

YEAH, I'M STILL A LITTLE SALTY ABOUT THAT, TOO.

HMM. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M NOT SALTY ABOUT IT.

WELL, THEN WHAT'S WRONG, SON?

SAM SAYS HE LOVES HER.

AAH!

IT COMES AND GOES.

WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT. DON'T BREAK MY COUCH.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SAY IT AIN'T SO. SAY IT AIN'T SO.

SAM DON'T LOVE NO HOS.

HE MIGHT LOVE THAT HO.

I THINK IT'S NICE THAT HE LOVES HER.

NO, IT'S NOT, NEITHER.

AIN'T NOTHING NICE ABOUT THAT THERE.

WHY NOT, MISS HATTIE?

'CAUSE THAT'S MY SIDE PIECE!

SIDE PIECE OF WHAT?

STOP PLAYING, MAMA.

DO I LOOK LIKE I'M PLAYING TO YOU, LINDA?

LOOK, I THINK IT'S NICE.

NO, IT'S NOT.

DANNY, DIDN'T YOU FIND TROY?

YES.

OKAY.

WELL, HE COULD BE IN LOVE, TOO.

I MEAN, MAYBE HOS FIND HUSBANDS, TOO.

YOUR GRANDMA'S BEEN MARRIED.

MM‐HMM.

[ CLEARING THROAT ]

HMM.

YEAH, I'LL GO AND TAKE IT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I TAKES ONE FOR THE TEAM. I TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM.

YEAH. RIGHT HERE.

HMM.

YOU KNOW, DANNY, IT COULD HAPPEN,

I MEAN, THEY COULD FALL IN LOVE.

MMM. WELL, SHE IS NOT INTO HIM.

SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND KEEP ON TALKING.

SHE ISN'T?

NO, SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIM LIKE CRAZY AT DINNER.

THESE THINGS CAN HAPPEN.

MNH‐MNH. NO WAY. I DON'T SEE IT.

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, WHAT SHE SAY?

SHE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT HOW HE WORKS ON HER LAST NERVE

AND HOW SHE WISHES HE WOULD MOVE OUT.

SHE WAS GOING IN!

[ SNAPPING FINGERS ]

YES. ALL THE WAY.

SOUND LIKE SHE IN LOVE WITH HIM, TO ME.

NO, IT DOESN'T.

YES, IT DOES.

THAT... [ SIGHS ]

YOU KNOW HOW WE DO AS WOMEN.

WE FEEL ONE WAY,

BUT WE'RE UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT HOW OUR HEART FEELS.

WE TRY TO CONVINCE OURSELVES THAT WE FEEL SOME WAY ELSE,

'CAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE THE WAY WE DO FEEL.

[ SNORING ]

THE WAY WE REALLY FEEL, SO WE...

TRY TO MAKE OURSELVES BELIEVE WE FEEL SOME WAY ELSE.

[ SNORING CONTINUES ]

[ SNORING STOPS ]

YEAH, YOU RIGHT ABOUT THAT. THAT'S TRUE.

WHATEVER SHE SAID. YES.

WHATEVER SHE SAID.

SO, YOU REALLY THINK SHE'S IN LOVE?

I KNOW SO.

COULD NOT BE SO.

YOU THINK SHE LIKES HIM?

BABY, WHO KNOWS? BUT I THINK SHE DOES.

THIS IS NOT GOOD.

JUST LET IT GO. THEY'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

OR KILL EACH OTHER TRYING TO.

♪♪♪♪

DAMN!

WELL, WHO DIED?!

WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ALL OF THESE CANDLES?

SAM TRYING TO PUT A SPELL ON ME.

HE TRYING TO CAST SOME DEMONS ON ME.

SAM?!

AW, HELL, NO.

[ BLOWING SHARPLY ]

THEY SMELL GOOD.

BLESS ME LORD, BLESS ME LORD!

BLESS ME!

Sam: DREW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

IT'S TOO DAMN DARK IN HERE.

OW!

THAT'S MY SEX SHOES!

[ SCOFFS ]

SAM!

HEY.

AAAAH!

WHAT THE HELL?

WHAT?

WH‐‐?

I'MA ASK YOU THIS REAL NICE.

WHY THE HELL

IS YOUR MOTHER...FACE THAT DAMN DARK?!

'CAUSE I'M A GOOD LISTENER.

AND YOU ‐‐ YOU KEEP SAYING YOU WANTED ME DARKER.

YOU ‐‐ YOU GOT ME DARKER.

[ SIGHS ]

YOU CAN OPEN YOUR PRESENT AT ANY TIME.

I SAID I LIKE BLACK MEN.

HEY, THE FACE AND THE HANDS AREN'T THE ONLY THING I COLORED.

ALTHOUGH, IT DIDN'T MAKE IT LOOK ANY BIGGER.

IN FACT ‐‐

SAM.

WHAT?

WHY ARE YOU IN BLACKFACE?

WHAT'S ‐‐ WHAT'S BLACKFACE?

THE MOST OFFENSIVE FACE THAT YOU CAN BE IN.

WHAT? I...

I JUST ‐‐ I WAS ‐‐ NO.

NO, YOU NEED TO TAKE THAT OFF.

DO YOU KNOW HOW TROUBLING THIS IS?

NO, I WAS JUST TRYING TO SHOW YOU

THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US,

EXCEPT SKIN COLOR. FOR WHAT?

I THOUGHT WE COULD TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT

AND SEE IF YOU LIKED IT. YOU COULD ‐‐

YOU WOULD LIKE ME FOR ONCE.

I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE IT.

YOU'RE IN BLACKFACE, SAM.

YOU SAID YOU LIKED THE BROTHERS.

WASH THAT... OFF YOUR FACE.

SOON AS ‐‐ NOW!

O‐OKAY, O‐‐ NOW, SAM!

OKAY, OKAY!

SORRY. AW.

CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!

IN BLACKFACE!

AND WHY ARE THERE ALL THESE CANDLES

AND FLOWERS AROUND HERE?!

I KNOW WHY. 'CAUSE THIS YOUR FUNERAL.

YOU GONNA DIE TODAY!

[ SNIFFS ]

OH, SMELLS SO NICE. [ SNIFFS ]

FARMER'S MARKET, EH?

WHY WOULD HE DO...

OH, NO.

HE WANTS ME.

HE WANTS US TO BE TOGETHER.

OH, HELL, NO!

NO, NO, NO!

I GOT TO GO! I GOT TO GO!

AND DON'T WASH UP IN MY DAMN SHOWER!

♪♪♪♪

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