Original subtitles

BABY, JUST HOLD ON, OKAY?

NO, DON'T HOLD ON, BABY.

WHERE'S THAT DAMN AMBULANCE?

THEY SAID THEY WERE ON THEIR WAY.

WELL, HELL, THEY'RE TAKING FOREVER.

IT'S NOT GONNA MATTER.

OOH, DON'T SAY THAT, BABY.

OH, I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT TO THE HOSPITAL.

‐YOU SURE? ‐I FEEL HER COMING NOW.

WELL, HELL, I DON'T FEEL IT COMING.

‐LOOK! ‐NO, DAMN!

NO.

PHILIP, I NEED YOU TO LOOK.

NOW, BABY, YOU KNOW, I DON'T MIND LOOKING

BUT NOT UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES.

PHILIP, I NEED YOU TO HELP ME.

‐FLOYD. ‐NO.

OH, YOU AIN'T GOT TO EVER TELL ME NO

'CAUSE I AIN'T LOOKING UP UNDERNEATH THERE

FOR NOTHING.

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO HELP ME.

I'LL LOOK.

I AM A SEX‐PERT AT THIS.

STAY AWAY FROM ME, SAM.

OKAY, BUT I COULD HELP YOU.

DREW. PLEASE.

HUH?

I NEED YOU TO HELP ME.

NOW, ALL OF Y'ALL KNOW I'M A FREAK.

I DON'T GET DOWN LIKE THAT.

I NEED YOU TO SEE IF THE BABY'S CROWNING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

THE BABY'S CROWNING?

OH, THE KING OF KINGS, HUH,

COMING IN HERE WITH A CROWN.

THAT'S A REAL CROWN, MY GOD.

OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.

FLOYD, CROWNING IS WHEN THE BABY'S HEAD

IS COMING THROUGH THE THING.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

I KNOW THAT.

BETTER PRAY IT DON'T COME OUT LOOKING LIKE A THING.

WHERE'S THAT DAMN AMBULANCE?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS,

BUT YOU NEED TO HELP YOUR WIFE.

I CAN'T DO THAT, MAN.

‐WHAT? ‐I CAN'T DO THAT.

THAT ‐‐ THAT AIN'T RIGHT.

SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE.

BABY, YOUR MAMA CAN HELP YOU.

WHERE IS MY MAMA?

BABY, I DON'T KNOW.

MAMA!

THEY'RE GONNA START TO BLEED.

MAMA!

HERE I AM.

OH, HO!

DON'T WORRY. I GOT THIS HERE.

SET, DOWN, HUT.

OMAHA!

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

♪♪♪♪

Y'ALL GOT TO GET THE AMBULANCE HERE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, BABY.

IF THEY DON'T COME, I'VE GOT YOU.

MAMA.

I CAN'T, BABY. I CAN'T.

OH, OKAY. I'M RIGHT HERE.

I'M RIGHT HERE. I'M HERE.

I'M HERE. I'M HERE.

WOW!

HAS THE OLD LADY LOST IT OR WHAT?

SOMEBODY LOST IT ALL OVER HER.

WHAT'S WITH THE MASK?

I DON'T KNOW. YOU TELL ME.

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT'S KIND OF...

CREEPY.

I WAS GONNA SAY KINKY BUT...

YOU'RE THE WORST.

OKAY.

I'VE GOT THE WATER BOILING AND AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH.

AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, NOTHING.

SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD.

I WILL SHUT UP IF YOU JUST TELL ME

WHAT THE HELL YOU GOT ON.

SCRUBS!

AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE, TOO, A SCRUB.

DON'T WORRY, EVERYBODY. I GOT THIS NOW, I GOT THIS.

NO, YOU DON'T GOT THIS. WE NEED THAT AMBULANCE.

DON'T WORRY, MY BABY, BECAUSE I'M GONNA HELP MY DAUGHTER.

LOOKING LIKE THAT?

LIKE WHAT, FLOYD?

LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO PLAY HOCKEY.

OR SCARE SOME WHITE KIDS

IN THE WOODS ON SPRING BREAK.

MAMA. MAMA.

‐WHAT, BABE? ‐I NEED YOU TO LOOK.

I NEED YOU TO LOOK DOWN THERE

AND SEE IF THE HEAD'S CROWNING.

I AIN'T ABOUT TO LOOK DOWN THERE.

BUT ‐‐ BUT ‐‐

MAMA, BUT I NEED TO KNOW. I NEED YOU TO TELL ME.

I NEED YOU TO TELL ME IF YOU SEE IT, MAMA.

PLEASE HELP ME.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, THEN.

BUT FIRST I GOTTA GET MY GLASSES.

UH, HATTIE.

HUH?

YOUR GLASSES ARE RIGHT THERE.

THEY DON'T SHOW.

I NEED ‐‐ I NEED ‐‐

I NEED TO GO GET MY OTHER GLASSES.

MNH‐MNH, NO.

THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

THEM GOT A PRESCRIPTION IN IT.

I CAN'T SEE WITH THEM ON.

SO, WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO GET SOME GLASSES

THAT YOU CAN'T SEE WITH?

BECAUSE WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO WITNESS RIGHT HERE,

IT'S GONNA STAY A WHILE.

I'M GONNA GET ‐‐ I WILL GO GET MY OTHER GLASSES

AND GET YOU A MIRROR.

WHAT?

WHAT? MISS HATTIE!

OKAY, THIS IS CRAZY.

A BUNCH OF GROWN‐ASS PEOPLE

DON'T WANT TO HELP A WOMAN IN NEED.

I GOT YOU, LINDA.

BUT FIRST, LET ME TAKE A SELFIE.

‐WHAT? ‐ARE YOU SICK?

YOU MIGHT WANT TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR BACK,

YOU'RE LOOKING REAL ROUGH.

OKAY, YOU'RE READY?

NO, THE LIGHTING'S OFF. THE LIGHTING'S OFF UP IN HERE.

THIS AIN'T GOOD. NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA CALL MY LIGHTING GUY RICHARD.

HE'S GONNA MAKE US LOOK FLAWLESS.

YOU READY? YOU READY?

DOES RICHARD DELIVER BABIES, DREW?

DOES RICHARD DELIVER BABIES?

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE GETTING AGGRESSIVE.

TAKE THE DAMN THING.

ALL RIGHT, RELAX, I GOT THIS.

I GOT THIS.

OH, DAMN, OH, DAMN!

‐OH. OH. OH. ‐OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

I DON'T FEAR SAYING THIS HERE.

YOU DON'T NEED A HO‐SPITAL.

YOU JUST NEED A HO.

I LIKE TO PLAY DOCTOR.

I ALWAYS CARRY A SPECULUM.

LET'S LIFT UP THAT HOOD AND TAKE A LOOK.

I DON'T LIKE THIS.

OH, IT LOOKS LIKE THE OTHER HALF OF THAT.

IT'S LIKE KRYPTONITE UNDER THERE.

YEAH, THAT'S WHY I MARRIED HER.

‐OH. ‐NASTY.

SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!

I GUESS I MUST.

I CHANGED THE DIAPERS.

I GUESS I COULD SEE THIS.

THANK YOU.

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PERM?

‐OH! ‐FLOYD!

‐DAMN. ‐GET YOUR ASS UP.

DAMN.

OW, BABY, BABY. DAMN. BABY.

YOU ARE MY HUSBAND.

I AM. YES, I AM.

AND YOU DID THIS TO ME.

I ‐‐ BABY, I WAS.

SO, YOU GONNA HELP ME.

‐OKAY. ‐YOU BETTER MAN UP.

I'M A MAN. I'M MANNING UP.

I'M MANNING UP. I'M A MAN.

NOW, YOU GONNA LOOK DOWN THERE.

‐NO. ‐YES.

OKAY.

AND YOU'RE NOT GONNA PASS OUT.

OKAY.

NOW, I NEED YOU TO LOOK.

OKAY.

AND I NEED YOU TO TELL ME...

‐I'M LOOKING. ‐...IF YOU SEE THE HEAD.

DO YOU SEE THE HEAD, PHILIP?

I SEE SOMETHING, YEAH.

OKAY.

WHAT'D YOU WANT ME TO DO NOW?

NOW CALL 911 AND TELL THEM

THAT THE BABY'S HEAD IS CROWNING.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

I'M GONNA DO THAT.

OKAY. AAH!

WHERE YOU GOING?

TO THE PHONE AROUND THE CORNER.

USE YOUR CELL.

RIGHT, YEAH.

RIGHT. THAT'S ‐‐ HEY.

DO IT NOW.

GIRL, I GOT YOU.

I GOT YOU.

SO, WHAT'S ‐‐ WHAT'S THE NUMBER?

IT'S JUST ME AND YOU, BABE. IT'S JUST ME...

OKAY, I'M READY NOW.

OH, DAMN, OH!

OH!

DAMN, I GOT TO HELP. I GOT TO HELP.

WE GOT THIS. WE GOT THIS.

‐YOU ‐‐ YOU SURE? ‐CALL THE PEOPLE.

CALL THE PEOPLE.

TELL THE PEOPLE WHAT?

PEOPLE.

THIS IS 911.

SAY I'M PREGNANT.

I'M PREGNANT AND I'M HAVING A BABY

AND THE BABY IS WEARING A CROWN.

HELL, EVERYBODY LAYING OUT.

YEAH.

OH.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST ME AND YOU, KID.

LISTEN, WHEN ‐‐ WHEN I SAY PUSH, YOU PULL.

OKAY?

I JUST DID THE DAMN THING.

I JUST DID, DID, DID, DID IT.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, BIG GUY.

JUST GROWING UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES.

[ TROY SCREAMS ]

DAMN, BABY, I THOUGHT THAT KIND OF SCREAMING WAS OVER.

DANNY. DAMN!

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

BREAK A RECORD?

DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?

I JUST DID THE DAMN THING.

I JUST DID THE DAMN THING.

DANNY, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IN THE BED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, GIRL?

YOU LEAVING THAT TOILET SEAT UP.

SORRY, I HAD TO GO.

IF I FALL IN THAT THING ONE MORE TIME...

I'M TELLING YOU, BABY, DO IT LIKE MY GRANDMOTHER.

JUST SQUAT, THEY NEVER TOUCH THE SEAT.

IT'S REALLY GOOD FOR YOUR BOOTY.

TRYING TO TELL YOU.

I FELL IN, SO I HAD TO TAKE A SHOWER.

I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING?

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN OR

YOU'RE EXPRESSING SOMETHING?

WHAT? ‐I'M JUST SAYING YOU NEEDED

TO WASH THAT LILAC OFF YOUR NECK.

GIRL, I DON'T LIKE THE WAY IT TASTES.

YEAH, YOU TOLD ME THAT.

WELL, I LIKE YOU ALL NATURAL.

MM‐HMM, WELL, THANK YOU, BABY.

MM‐HMM, YOU'RE WELCOME.

UH, DON'T YOU LIKE ME ALL NATURAL?

WELL, WE'LL TALK ABOUT THAT.

COME ON, BABY.

BABE, I'M STILL HUNGRY.

LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

‐OKAY. ‐COME ON.

CAN I GO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON FIRST?

NO, I WANT YOU TO GO JUST LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE KIND OF KINKY.

MM‐HMM.

YEAH, I LIKE THAT, THAT'S ‐‐ COME ON.

YEAH, BUT IT'S ALSO KIND OF DRAFTY

AND LITTLE DANNY LIKES TO HIDE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

‐OKAY, FINE. ‐THANK YOU.

WHY ARE YOU SITTING DOWN?

CAN I RECOVER FIRST?

AND I KNOW YOU NEED TO RECOVER FIRST

FROM WHAT I DID TO YOU.

PSSH.

DANNY.

WHAT, MAMA, WE JUST DID A MARATHON IN THERE

AND I'M NOT KENYAN.

I NEED A SECOND.

THEY WIN EVERY RACE.

‐DANNY. ‐HMM?

YOU WANT TO CHECK YOUR PHONE, DON'T YOU?

NO, NO, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

MM‐HMM.

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE STALLING.

NAH, GIRL, I AIN'T STALLING.

GO ON.

HMM?

I SAID GO ON CHECK IT.

NO, NO, I'M WITH YOU NOW.

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU WANT TO.

‐OKAY, OKAY. ‐MM‐HMM. GO ON.

NO, NO, YEAH.

NO.

NO, NOW, I SAID I WASN'T GONNA DO THAT.

YOU KNOW, I'M HERE WITH YOU

AND WHOEVER THAT IS THAT'S BEEN CALLING ME

OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER...

THEN THEY'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.

I'LL JUST FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

THANK YOU.

DAMN!

WHAT?

YOU DON'T HAVE NO SYMPATHY, DO YOU?

NOT FOR PEOPLE WHO TALK ABOUT ME

AND DOG ME OUT EVERY CHANCE THEY GET.

THIS IS MY FAMILY.

THEY TALK ABOUT EVERYBODY EVERY CHANCE THEY GET.

THIS IS MY FAMILY.

WELL, I'M YOUR NEW FAMILY.

YES, YOU ARE.

SO, THAT MEANS I COME FIRST.

TROY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? GO ON, CHECK YOUR PHONE.

NO, NO, NOW, I SAID I WASN'T GONNA DO THAT.

WELL, CAN WE GET SOMETHING TO EAT, PLEASE?

OKAY, FINE. WELL, CAN WE STAY HERE?

I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT. ‐DANNY.

LOOK, I COULD ORDER US SOME TAKE‐OUT,

MAYBE SOME CHINESE, ITALIANO, TUTTI‐FRUTTI.

HE'S A CUTIE.

‐OKAY, GO AHEAD. ‐OKAY, GREAT.

AH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M TRYING TO GET THE NUMBER TO CALL THE PEOPLE.

DANNY, CALL HER NOW.

WHAT? I NEED THE NUMBER TO CALL THE PEOPLE.

YOU CAN USE MY PHONE.

NO. UM, MY NAME'S ON THE ACCOUNT.

IT'S THE WAY I GOT IT SET UP.

WE CAN USE MY PHONE.

OH, BABY, THEN I GOT TO ADD YOUR NUMBER

TO THE ACCOUNT, YOUR CREDIT CARD,

AND IT'S JUST ONE BIG HASSLE.

DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, DANNY.

OKAY, GREAT.

UM, WHAT YOU DOING NOW?

GIRL, I'M LOOKING UP THE NUMBER FOR THE RESTAURANT.

DON'T LOOK. JUST DIAL.

I'M NOT LOOKING, I'M LOOKING UP THE NUMBER.

‐TO WHAT? ‐THE RESTAURANT.

SEE, I DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU WHAT KIND OF FOOD I WANTED.

OH! WELL, YOU KNOW, BABY,

THEY GOT IT ALL UNDER ONE NUMBER,

YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

‐DANNY. ‐HMM?

WHY THE HELL IS YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?

WELL, YOU REMEMBER YOU DID THAT THING WITH MY HAND

AND MY FINGERS WERE ALL...

AND IT JUST SWITCHED.

PUT IT ON THE RIGHT DAMN FINGER RIGHT DAMN NOW.

OKAY.

SO, YOU JUST GONNA GO AHEAD AND CHECK YOUR MESSAGES.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M SICK OF THIS.

YES, I AM.

‐OKAY, GO AHEAD. ‐I'M GONNA.

PSH, PSH.

UH‐OH.

WHAT?

BABY, WE NEED TO GO TO THE DINER.

I TOLD YOU I AIN'T GOING TO THAT DINER.

NO, MY MAMA WENT INTO LABOR.

‐AT THE DINER? ‐YES.

IT'S THAT FOOD, I KNEW.

OH, I KNEW IT WAS THAT FOOD.

OH, LORD. SHE DONE HAD THE BABY AT THE DINER.

UGH!

ANOTHER REASON

I WILL NEVER EAT AT THAT PLACE AGAIN.

[ RETCHES ]

OKAY. OKAY, COME ON.

YEAH. WAIT, DANNY. DAMN!

DANNY, DANNY, WAIT, WAIT NOW.

YOU GOTTA PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

THAT'S WHY IT'S SO DRAFTY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO HIDE ALL THE TIME, LITTLE BUDDY.

WELL, COME ON.

AND I NEED TO PUT SOME ON, TOO.

NOW!

DO YOU HEAR ME CALLING YOU?

I KNOW YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.

GET THAT ASS UP. COME ON, NOW. COME ON.

GET YOUR ASS UP. GET THAT ASS IN THERE NOW.

COME ON.

AHH! WE DID IT.

OH, MY GOSH. SHE'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH. I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

BABY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

THANK YOU, BABY.

I WAS TALKING TO MY WIFE.

I AM AWARE OF THAT.

OKAY, WELL, HONEY, WE GOTTA GO.

OKAY, Y'ALL GO ON TO THE HOSPITAL.

I'LL SEE Y'ALL DIRECTLY. I'LL BE DOWN THERE DIRECTLY.

SEE YOU LATER, GRANDBABY.

THAT'S QUITE A GRANDBABY, THERE, I THINK.

Floyd: LIKE ME.

SHUT THE HELL UP, FLOYD.

YOU WERE NO HELP AT ALL.

‐FLOYD! ‐HMM?

GET YOUR TIRED ASSES UP AND GET ON UP OUTTA HERE.

[ FLOYD GROANS ]

UGH, OH, GOD.

Sam: OOH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO WASH.

WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED?

I SAW THE LIGHT.

I SAW A SQUIRREL WITH DREADLOCKS.

AND A WHOLE LOT OF ASSES.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DELIVERED THE BABY.

REALLY?

OH, NO.

IS IT OKAY?

SHE'S JUST FINE.

OH, OKAY.

OH, I DON'T THINK MY PICTURE UPLOADED.

WHERE ARE THEY? WE GOT TO DO IT AGAIN.

WE GOT TO DO IT AGAIN.

OTHERWISE, THE HASHTAG IS GOING TO BE

THE FETUS THAT BEAT US.

WHERE ARE THEY?

THE AMBULANCE CAME AND TOOK THEM ALL AWAY,

TOOK THEM ON TO THE HOSPITAL.

‐AMBULANCE, HOSPITAL. ‐OH.

YEAH, I MUST SAY I'M THE PROUD WOMAN

OF A NEW LITTLE BABY GIRL.

‐AWW! ‐AWW!

YEAH.

SHE'S SO PRETTY, LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.

‐UGH. ‐UGH.

I'M GONNA BE SICK.

GET YOUR ASSES ON UP OUTTA HERE.

WITH THAT ASS, YOU'D HAVE TO MAKE TWO TRIPS, HUH?

YOU COULD SAVE THAT FOR ROLE‐PLAYING.

YEAH, MEET ME AT THE HYATT WHEN YOU GET OFF.

FLOYD!

Floyd: YEAH.

GET BACK HERE AND CLEAN THIS DAMN FLOOR.

LET A BUNCH OF KIDS COME ON THERE.

IT WILL BE A SLIP AND SLIDE.