Original subtitles

[ WHISTLING ]

ALL CLEAN?

YES. I. AM.

GOOD. [ LAUGHS ]

WHY DON'T YOU COME OVER HERE AND SMELL YOUR SEXY MAN?

OOH. ONE MORE TIME. GET THE OTHER SIDE.

‐MM‐HMM. ‐MM.

‐WHAT DO YOU THINK? ‐MM.

YOU SMELL... VERY...

‐MANLY. ‐GIRLY.

‐WHAT? ‐YEAH.

YOU SMELL LIKE A CHICK.

‐IS THAT MY SOAP? ‐NAH, GIRL.

AIN'T NOBODY GONNA USE YOUR SOAP.

[ Muttering ] THIS A MAN. USE NO SOAP.

DANNY.

[ Chuckling ] YEAH, IT'S YOUR SOAP.

GOTCHA. [ LAUGHS ]

WHY DID YOU USE IT, DANNY?

'CAUSE I LIKE TO THINK ABOUT WHAT I'M MISSING

WHEN YOU'RE NOT AROUND. [ CHUCKLES ]

‐THAT'S SO SWEET. ‐YEAH, I KNOW.

BUT DON'T USE MY DAMN SOAP NO MORE.

‐OKAY. ALL RIGHT. ‐OKAY?

‐NOW, DID YOU CLEAN THE TUB? ‐YES, I DID.

‐AND YOU DRIED THE FLOOR? ‐TWICE.

AND I RAN YOU A HOT BATH.

DANNY, DID YOU REALLY CLEAN THE TUB OUT?

OF COURSE. I AIN'T TRIFLING LIKE SAM.

DID YOU USE SOMETHING TO CLEAN THE TUB WITH?

YES. I'M NOT A KID.

DID YOU TAKE OUT YOUR RUBBER DUCKIES?

NAH, I LEFT THEM IN THERE. [ CHUCKLES ]

DANNY, GO GET THEM.

BUT PETE, LITTLE PETE, RE‐PETE,

AND PETEY JUNIOR LOVES IT ALL IN THERE.

DANNY, CAN YOU PLEASE GO GET THEM?

OKAY, OKAY. I ALREADY TOOK THEM OUT.

WE CAN'T LEAVE THEM OUT TOO LONG,

'CAUSE THEY'LL JUST GET DRY AND CRACK.

‐LITTLE PETEY HAS ASTHMA. ‐OKAY.

HE WILL QUACK HIS LAST QUACK.

‐OKAY. ‐BUT YOU DO KNOW

IF WE WERE TO BATHE TOGETHER, THEN WE COULD SAVE THE PLANET.

MM‐HMM.

YES, BUT I HAVE TWO PROBLEMS WITH THAT.

WHAT'S THAT?

NUMBER ONE, YOU'RE SO DIRTY

THAT WHEN YOU GET OUT OF THE TUB, IT'S MUD.

AND NUMBER TWO, WE NEED A TOY BOX.

‐NO, WE DON'T. ‐YEAH, WE DO.

YOU HAVE SO MANY TOYS IN THAT BATHTUB,

YOU WOULD FORGET I WAS EVEN IN THERE.

‐YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. ‐MM‐HMM.

BUT I'D NEVER FORGET

HOW MUCH I LIKE TO PLAY WITH YOUR HUMAN TOYS.

[ LAUGHS ]

LET ME PLAY WITH THEM TOYS RIGHT NOW.

‐OOH! THERE GO A TOY. ‐DANNY.

‐THERE GO ANOTHER ONE. ‐STOP IT.

‐I LOVE YOU. ‐LOVE YOU, TOO.

I'M GONNA GO GET IN THE BATHTUB.

OKAY.

[ HUMMING ]

[ DOOR SHUTS ]

[ SHRIEKS ]

‐WHAT'S WRONG? ‐SAM.

HE IS IN THE BATHROOM.

‐WHAT? ‐IN MY BATH WATER!

WHAT?!

MM!

I AM SO SICK OF THIS, DANNY!

I'M SICK OF THIS!

♪♪♪♪

AAH! AAH!

SAM!

WHAT?

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS TAKING A BATH.

I RAN THAT WATER FOR MY WIFE.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YEAH, I DID.

OH.

YOU USED TO RUN WATER FOR ME.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU SMELL.

LIKE YOUR GRANDMA.

RAN WATER FOR HER, TOO.

I'VE BEEN IN THAT TUB.

HEY, WAIT. THAT WAS FRESH WATER?

YES.

WELL, UH, THIS JUST IN.

NOT ANYMORE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

‐SAM... ‐WHAT?

YOU'RE MAKING THINGS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR ME.

WELL, SO IS SHE.

HOW IS THAT?

BECAUSE NOW YOU HAVE TO RUN ANOTHER FRESH BATH FOR HER.

‐SAM, I'M NOT ‐‐ ‐RUNNING ANOTHER BATH FOR HER.

REAL MEN DON'T RUN BATHS.

WE RUN GAME!

I AM A REAL MAN.

BUT YOU RAN A BATH FOR ME.

WELL, THAT JUST SHOWS HOW SOLID OF A MAN I AM.

DOES IT?

HEY, THE TUB WAS THERE.

WATER WAS LOOKING AT ME.

SO, I GOT IN.

SAM...

HEY, SAM.

DAMN!

THAT'S WHAT I SAY.

YOU NEED TO START WEARING SOME CLOTHES AROUND HERE.

I WAS IN THE BATHTUB.

IN MY BATH WATER.

I AIN'T SEE YOUR NAME ON IT.

SAM, I SWEAR TO GOODNESS!

‐OOH! ‐OOH.

BABY, JUST GO GET READY FOR WORK.

I WILL ‐‐

BABY, JUST GO GET READY ‐‐ STOP PATTING, BABY.

DON'T CLAP, NEITHER.

JUST HEAR ME.

JUST GO GET READY FOR WORK, AND I WILL TALK ‐‐

I WILL TALK TO HIM.

YOU BETTER HANDLE THIS.

OKAY.

‐OKAY? ‐OKAY.

IT'LL BE ALL BETTER BY THE TIME YOU GET HOME FROM WORK.

DANNY WILL MAKE IT ALL BETTER.

‐IT BETTER BE. ‐MM‐HMM.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

"I LOVE YOU, TOO." AWW.

‐SAM, LISTEN! ‐SAM, LISTEN!

‐DON'T DO THAT! ‐DON'T DO THAT!

‐YOU! ‐YOU!

STOP IT!

SORRY.

YO, STOP IT. DON'T DO THAT.

YOU'RE MAKING THINGS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR US.

AND PLEASE JUST TRY TO KNOCK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR

BEFORE JUST WALKING IN.

WE NEVER DID THAT BEFORE.

WELL, WE'RE DOING IT NOW, 'CAUSE I'M MARRIED

AND THERE'S A GIRL IN THE HOUSE.

WHERE'S THE FUN IN THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, SAM?

DON'T EAT MY BREAKFAST.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT BACON!

DON'T TAKE MY WIFE'S BATH WATER THAT I RAN.

AND DON'T EVER SIT ON MR. QUACKERS AGAIN.

YOU KNOW LITTLE PETEY HAS ASTHMA.

AND DON'T WEAR MY WIFE'S UNDERWEAR.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU HAVE HER UNDERWEAR ON UNDER THERE?

MAYBE.

JUST STOP IT!

UGH.

OKAY. FINE. I'LL STOP.

THANK YOU. DAMN!

BUT I DON'T LIKE HER COMING IN BETWEEN US AT ALL.

SHE'S NOT COMING IN BETWEEN US.

YES, SHE IS.

'CAUSE THERE WAS A TIME THAT...

WE WOULD HAVE SHARED THAT BATH WATER.

YEAH, I KNOW.

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID THAT.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I GOING THROUGH?

JUST DEPRESSED.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL STOP IT.

THANK YOU.

I DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD ASTHMA.

IT FLARES UP SOMETIMES. YOU GOT TO WATCH IT.

DON'T YOU HEAR THE WHEEZE WHEN YOU SQUEEZE HIM?

IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE OTHER QUACKS.

[ QUACKS ]

YEAH.

‐[ QUACKS ] ‐MM‐HMM.

‐POOR GUY. ‐YEAH.

♪♪♪♪

BABY?

[ Sweetly ] DANNY.

DANNY.

DANNY, YOU KNOW YOUR ASS HEARS ME.

DANNY!

Danny: YEAH, I HEAR YOU IN THERE HOLLERING!

BABY, I THOUGHT YOU WAS COUGHING, SOUNDING THAT DEEP.

MAMA'S WAITING FOR YA.

AND DADDY'S COMING TO GET YA!

WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG?!

HOLD YOUR HORSES! CRIPES!

BRING YOUR HORSES!

HERE I COME, BABY.

[ IMITATES HORSE WHINNYING ]

HOWDY, MA'AM.

ANYWHERE I CAN PARK THIS HORSE?

DANNY...

MA'AM.

WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE THIS?

WHAT?

‐DANNY. ‐WHAT?

IS ‐‐ IS THIS A‐A ONESIE?

[ Chuckling ] YEAH.

YOU LIKE IT?

YEAH...?

YEAH, SAM GOT IT FOR ME.

WE GOT MATCHING ONES.

FIGURES.

EXCEPT HIS HAS DUCKS.

‐DANNY, HONEY? ‐YEAH?

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY TIME.

YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW.

THAT'S NOT SEXY.

WHAT ABOUT NOW?

HUH?

HUH?

‐HUH? ‐STOP!

YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS SEXY?

NO.

THIS ‐‐

OH, HOLD ON, NOW! IT'S CUSTOM.

IT'S A LITTLE SNUG. LITTLE TIGHT.

IT'S CUSTOM‐FIT. DON'T YOU RIP IT.

ALL RIGHT.

SEE? THAT'S SEXY, BABES.

YEAH.

I FEEL SO NAKED!

‐DANNY! ‐WHAT?

OH, MY ‐‐

YOU'RE MARRIED NOW. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE NAKED.

I KNOW, BUT IT FEELS SO...

WHAT?

STRANGE.

WELL, IT FEELS STRANGE FOR ME, TOO.

‐IT DOES? ‐YES,

ESPECIALLY WITH SAM NEXT DOOR.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. HE'S PROBABLY SOMEWHERE LISTENING.

NO, I'M NOT!

NICE WASHBOARD, BRO.

THANKS, BUDDY.

SEE?

WELL, BABY, I THINK WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS.

YEAH, WE NEED TO.

OKAY. WELL, I THINK THAT WE SHOULD, YOU KNOW ‐‐

MM‐HMM. I'M THINKING THE SAME THING.

‐YOU ARE? ‐YEAH.

HE NEEDS TO MOVE HIS ASS ON OUT!

SAM NEEDS TO MOVE.

WHAT?!

YOU HEARD ME, DANNY.

SAM?

YES. HE NEEDS TO MOVE.

BUT HE'S MY ROOMMATE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE MARRIED NOW.

BUT WE'RE SO CLOSE.

LOOK, HE IS ALWAYS IN OUR BUSINESS,

AND HE'S ALWAYS ALL UP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

HE NEEDS TO MOVE.

BABY, I CAN'T ASK HIM TO DO THAT.

WELL, YOU HAVE TO.

IT'S GONNA BREAK HIS HEART.

BETTER THAT THAN ME BREAKING HIS NECK.

TONE DOWN THE GHETTO A LITTLE BIT MORE.

I'M NOT TONING ANYTHING DOWN.

DANNY, THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME.

HE NEEDS TO GET HIS ASS OUT.

I REALLY CAN'T ASK HIM TO DO THAT.

WELL, IF HE DOESN'T, I WILL.

TROY...

‐I'M SERIOUS. ‐YOU CAN'T.

DANNY, I'M NOT DOING THIS WITH HIM.

I'M NOT DOING THIS. LOOK, I LOVE YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU, TOO.

THIS FRAT‐BOY THING IS NOT WORKING FOR ME.

I NEED A MAN AND AN ADULT APARTMENT,

NOT SOME FRAT HOUSE

WITH SOME YOUNG BOYS RUNNING ALL AROUND.

OKAY, OKAY. I‐I'LL TALK TO HIM.

‐THANK YOU. ‐OKAY.

GREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M GETTING INTO BED.

‐NO, YOU'RE NOT. ‐I'M NOT?

‐NO. ‐THEN WHAT AM I DOING?

‐YOU'RE GONNA GO TALK TO SAM. ‐RIGHT NOW?!

YES!

YES.

BABY, MY BREASTS IS ALL OUT, THOUGH.

DANNY, YOU BETTER GO TALK TO HIM.

BABY, HEY, YOU AIN'T GONNA KEEP GETTING ‐‐

I‐I GOT SOME GHETTO, TOO, YOU KNOW?

‐OH, YEAH? ‐YEAH.

‐NOW, HEY! ‐WHAT?

THIS IS OUR FIRST FIGHT!

‐AWW, BABY... ‐I KNOW.

‐I KNOW. ‐...BRING IT IN. BRING IT IN.

I KNOW.

NO. YOU BETTER GO GET.

YOU BETTER GO TALK TO SAM.

HOW YOU CHANGE IT UP SO FAST?

THAT'S A ‐‐ THAT'S A TALENT.

OH, WOW! SAM'S NOT HERE.

‐SAM WAS JUST HERE. ‐BUT HE'S GONE NOW.

CAN I PLEASE JUST TALK TO HIM IN THE MORNING ABOUT THIS?

OKAY.

THANK YOU.

DAMN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GETTING INTO BED.

FIRST, TAKE THAT OFF.

YES, MA'AM.

THANK YOU.

FEEL ALL KINDS OF NAKED.

LEAVE ME IN THE TRENCHES, JUST TAKING GRENADES.

I GOT A GRENADE FOR YOU.

LET IT BLOW UP.

[ MOANING ]

STOP. WAIT.

DANNY, STOP USING MY SOAP.

I SMELL LIKE YOU!

I DON'T WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO ME.

NOW, GOOD NIGHT.

WELL, I GUESS I GOT TO MAKE LOVE TO ME.

DO IT, AND I'LL BURY YOU IN THAT ONESIE.

♪♪♪♪

IT DON'T TAKE THAT LONG TO GET NOBODY NO DAMN PLATE!

WHAT IF YOUR MOMMY HAD TOOK THAT LONG TO FEED YOU?!

SEE HOW LONG IT TAKE ME TO WRITE THEM DAMN CHECKS!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. IT'S PLATE TIME.

HERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

PLEASE COME AGAIN.

MAMA, YOU'RE SCARING THE CUSTOMERS.

HELL, HE SCARED ME THE WAY HE LOOK.

‐WELL, WE ARE BUSY. ‐YEAH.

THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M SO NICE TO THE CUSTOMERS.

AND MY EMPLOYEES.

WILL YOU GET THEM DAMN SANDWICHES OUT HERE?!

AND MY RECIPES!

WELL ‐‐ WELL, WHAT IS IT, MAMA?

IT'S STEW PIE.

EVERYBODY LOVE IT.

‐YEAH, SHE PUT THAT ‐‐ ‐Shh!

EVERYTHING. [ CHUCKLES ]

PUT THAT STUFF ON THE MENU EVERY YEAR.

AND THEY KEEP COMING BACK FOR IT.

YEAH, THEY DO.

I DON'T SEE WHY YOU DON'T JUST

PUT IT ON THERE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR LONG.

‐NAH‐UNH, FLOYD. ‐WHY NOT?

‐I CAN'T DO THAT! ‐WHY NOT?

YOU GOT TO TEASE THEM WITH IT.

YEAH, YOU JUST WANT TO KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.

YEAH. THAT'S HOW I GOT ALL MY MENS.

WITH A BAD HIP?

YEAH, YOU BETTER LISTEN AT ME, LINDA.

UM, I THINK SHE'S ALREADY GIVEN UP ENOUGH.

‐SHE'S GOOD AND PREGNANT. ‐[ CHUCKLES ]

SHUT UP, UNCLE FLOYD.

YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.

HI, HONEY. I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND GO TO WORK.

OKAY, BABY.

‐I'LL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME? ‐OKAY.

DON'T YOU WORK TOO HARD, ALL RIGHT?

‐I WON'T. ‐ALL RIGHT.

‐I LOVE YOU. ‐LOVE YOU, TOO.

ALL RIGHT. BYE.

BYE, FLIP.

IT'S PHILIP.

SON.

DAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

‐HEY, MAMA. ‐HEY, BABY.

‐IS SAM HERE? ‐NO.

HEY, DANNY.

HEY, DREW. WHERE'D SAM GO?

HE SAID HE WAS GOING TO LUNCH.

WHERE?

AM I SAM PARKER'S KEEPER?

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?

YEAH, BABY.

I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SAM.

ABOUT WHAT?

HE HAS TO MOVE OUT.

SAY WHAT?!

YEAH, HE HAS TO MOVE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

HE'S JUST IN THE WAY OF TROY AND I.

YOU ARE AWARE THAT THAT WAS SAM'S APARTMENT FIRST?

YEAH, I KNOW.

HE AIN'T GONNA TAKE THAT TOO WELL.

NO, HE'S NOT.

YEAH, HE CAN COME ON AND MOVE IN WITH ME NOW.

HE SURE AS HELL AIN'T GONNA TAKE THAT TOO WELL.

I KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW. YOU JUST GONNA HAVE TO TELL SAM.

YOU JUST GONNA HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO TELL SAM.

TELL SAM WHAT?

YOUR BACK‐STABBING FRIEND DANNY HAS SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

‐OH! ‐WHAT THE...

HEY!

OW!

DAMN, DAMN!

YOUR MAMA'S HELLA STRONG.

DREW'S HELLA WEAK.

SO, UH...

WHAT'S GOING ON, DANNY?

NOTHING. [ CHUCKLES ]

TELL ME.

OW.

SORRY.

WELL, SAM, UH,

YOU'RE KIND OF IN THE WAY OF TROY AND I.

OH.

IS SHE MOVING OUT?

‐YEAH? ‐GREAT!

YEAH! MM! UNH!

[ LAUGHS ]

SORRY.

UNLESS YOU DO.

WHAT?

I WANT YOU TO MOVE OUT, SAM.

[ GRUNTS ]

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE, SAM,

AND WE JUST NEED SOME MORE SPACE.

WHY DO I HAVE TO MOVE OUT?

WELL, IF YOU DON'T, THEN WE WILL.

‐DANNY! ‐NO, SAM.

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

OKAY, WELL,

I GUESS THEN WE'LL HAVE TO MOVE.

‐WH‐‐ ‐THIS IS ME MOVING.

HEY. STOP IT.

I'LL GO THIS WAY.

WHEN YOU MOVE, I MOVE.

JUST LIKE THAT.

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA GO?

I DON'T KNOW. MY GRANDMOTHER'S?

[ DISHES CLATTERING ]

OR NOT.

NOT.

OKAY, OKAY. I'LL ‐‐

I'LL LOOK FOR A PLACE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO MOVE.

WE'LL ALWAYS STAY CLOSE.

YOU PROMISE?

YEAH.

DANNY, I JUST ‐‐

I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.

I DON'T WANT TO COME IN BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU,

SO I'LL LOOK FOR A PLACE.

THANK YOU, SAM.

BUT YOU GOT TO PAY ME.

SAM.

I TAKE CASH.

I'M SO VULNERABLE, AND YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT.

OR...

I TAKE A PRICELESS BRO SQUEEZE.

OKAY.

I'M GONNA MISS YOU, BUD.

YOU SMELL JUST LIKE TROY.

YEAH, HER SOAP IS FANTASTIC.

ISN'T IT?

IT SMELLS SO...

‐MANLY. ‐MANLY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I GUESS THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED TESTOSTELADE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I HAVE GOT TO START LOOKING AT LABELS.

‐YEAH. ‐[ CHUCKLES ]