Original subtitles

WHAT THE...?

Mailman: HEY!

SORRY, MR. MAILMAN!

OH, HELL. NOW ALL THE NEIGHBORS LOOKING.

BUT THERE'S A TREE.

I CAN'T MAKE IT TO THAT TREE.

OH, BUT THE SHEETS.

I COULD JUST ‐‐ I'LL TIE ‐‐ I'LL TIE THE SHEETS UP

AND JUST KNOT THEM TOGETHER.

I'LL TIE THEM TOGETHER,

AND I'LL ‐‐ I'LL LOWER MYSELF DOWN AND...

AND THE SHEETS WILL RIP, AND I WILL FALL TO MY DEATH.

OKAY.

OH, GOD.

HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

OH, WAIT.

OH.

OH.

OH, OH, OH, OH.

OH, THERE'S NO CONDOMS.

OKAY. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. OKAY, GIRL. OKAY.

OKAY, OKAY.

DEAR LITTLE BABY JESUS...

...I PROMISE, IF YOU GET ME OUT OF THIS ONE ‐‐

JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE, AND I PROMISE

I WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER

GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION AGAIN.

WHAT?

OH!

WELL, FINE. FINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL JUST DIE.

I'LL JUST...THROW MYSELF OUT THIS WINDOW

AND DIE.

UH, HI.

HI.

SOMETIMES IN THE MORNING,

I LIKE TO GET A FULL, FRESH BREATH OF AIR.

SO, I WAS JUST GETTING IT.

THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF AIR.

IT'S A WHOLE LOT.

[ CHUCKLES ] YOU OKAY?

YES.

YES.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, GOOD.

LOOK, I MADE YOU BREAKFAST.

OH, YEAH? MM‐HMM.

[ CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY ]

OKAY, WHAT IS IT?

HUH?

WHAT IS IT?

HOW DID I WAKE UP IN YOUR BED?

WELL, YOU, UH...

DID ‐‐ DID ‐‐ DID WE?

YES.

OH!

YOU DON'T REMEMBER?

YOU SAID, "I'M JUST GONNA KISS YOU,

I CAN HUG YOU, I CAN TOUCH YOU."

"BUT I WOULDN'T ‐‐ I JUST CANNOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU."

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT, MAN?

YOU ‐‐ YOU WAS DRINKING...

...AND WAS TOUCHING AND RUBBING.

I MEAN, YOU COULDN'T RUB MY CHEST

AND NOT EXPECT ME TO RUB YOURS.

OH!

YOU WAS A WILD WOMAN.

YOU WAS SPANKING YOURSELF.

NO! [ CRIES ]

LOOK, I GOT ‐‐ I SAID I COULD KISS YOU, HUG YOU, TOUCH YOU.

I GOT THREE OUT THE FOUR.

OH.

[ STUTTERS ]

YOU REALLY DON'T REMEMBER?

I THOUGHT I WAS DREAMING. OH, NO.

NO, IT DEFINITELY WASN'T NO DREAM.

YOU REALLY... DON'T REMEMBER?

YEAH, I REMEMBER.

AND?

AND IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING...

AMAZING DREAM I EVER HAD.

THANK YOU.

PHILIP.

WHAT?

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID THIS.

WHY NOT?

WE'RE BOTH ADULTS.

YEAH, BUT I'M AN ADULT WHO DOESN'T LIVE LIKE THIS.

OKAY.

I'VE BEEN CELIBATE SINCE MY DIVORCE.

WHY HAVE YOU BEEN CELIBATE?

'CAUSE I LOVE GOD, AND I WANT TO BE PLEASING TO HIM.

I'M NOT MARRIED.

I WANT TO HAVE SEX IN MY MARITAL BED, NOT IN A SINGLE MAN'S BED.

WELL, YOU DID.

BUT ONE NIGHT, PHILIP.

ONE NIGHT.

LINDA, MAYBE I SHOULD'VE STOPPED YOU.

WHY DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, I MEAN, DAMN. LOOK AT YOU.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH. BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE A VOW WITH GOD.

PHILIP.

LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP, AND YOU DIDN'T WANT ME TO STOP.

NOW, WE DID WHAT WE DID BECAUSE WE WANTED TO.

WE JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT.

[ SIGHS ]

I KNOW.

NOT MAD AT ME, ARE YOU?

NO.

[ SIGHS ]

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

I'M JUST UPSET WITH MYSELF.

LOOK, LINDA, I'M SORRY.

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH. OOH. OOH.

OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH?

ARE YOUR KIDS HERE?

NO, NO. THEY'RE NOT HERE.

OOH.

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD THING.

OH, I ‐‐ I KNOW.

'CAUSE, GIRL, THAT FIRE TRUCK SOUND YOU MADE LAST NIGHT...

...OOH!

GIRL, YOU WAS ‐‐ OH, MY GOODNESS.

WHAT FIRE TRUCK?

[ IMITATES SIREN WAILING ]

YOU SAID IT WAS YOUR MATING CALL.

OH! YES!

STOP IT, PHILIP.

I'M ‐‐ OKAY, I'M JUST KIDDING.

JUST KIDDING.

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU WAS MAKING A LOT OF NOISE LAST NIGHT, THOUGH.

SO WERE YOU.

WELL, I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.

YOU MADE ME BREAKFAST.

AND IT'S SO PRETTY.

THANK YOU.

HONEY, I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

WHY?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T MAD.

I'M NOT. I'M ‐‐ I'M JUST UPSET AND DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF.

COME ON, LINDA. IT'LL BE FINE. COME ON.

OKAY, OKAY.

I'LL, UM ‐‐ I'LL WALK YOU TO THE ‐‐ TO YOUR CAR.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT ALL YOUR THINGS?

OKAY.

OOH, I GOT IT. GOT MY THING.

YOU BREAK MY HEADBOARD?

PHILIP.

OH, GOD, OH, GOD, PLEASE.

OH.

WHERE YOUR SHOES?

OH, I, UM ‐‐ I SENT THEM AHEAD.

WHAT?

THEY WALKED OUT AHEAD OF ME.

OKAY.

LINDA, WHAT THE HELL?

WHY YOU ‐‐ HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

YOU'RE FORGETTING YOUR PURSE.

WHAT YOU RUNNING FOR?

WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE?

OH, THAT'S JUST MY NEIGHBORS.

WELL, WHEN DO THEY LEAVE?

UH, SISTER JOHNSON?

SHE RETIRED. SHE AIN'T NEVER GONNA LEAVE.

AND SHE NOSY AS HELL.

THEY CAN'T SEE ME LEAVING OUT HERE LIKE I'M A LOOSE WOMAN.

COME ON, LINDA.

OKAY, I'LL GO.

THAT'S A BACK DOOR NEXT TO THE BATHROOM?

WAIT, WAIT. HEY, HEY, HEY.

AND I GOT TO GET MY SHOES.

LINDA.

MY MOTHER IS ALREADY AT THE DINER.

I GOT TO GO RIGHT HOME.

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS WITH YOU ALL NIGHT.

OKAY.

OKAY. I'M GOING HOME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

BUT ONE MORE THING, PHILIP.

YEAH?

THIS...

...THIS CAN'T HAPPEN EVER AGAIN.

LINDA, LOOK...

NO.

NO, IT'S NOT.

LET'S BE CLEAR.

YOU NEED TO FIND ANOTHER WOMAN.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE, AND I'M SURE OF IT.

A MISTAKE, LINDA?

YES.

I'M NOT GONNA SEE YOU ANYMORE.

LINDA.

OKAY. HAVE IT YOUR WAY.

BUT I WILL SEE OTHER WOMEN...

...IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

[ BOTH SNORING ]

NOT SO DAMN FAST.

TAKE YOUR ASS RIGHT ON BACK DOWN THEM STAIRS, AND COME OVER HERE.

[ COUGHS ]

[ SIGHS ] LINDA!

MAMA.

WE WERE WORRIED SICK ABOUT... [ YAWNS ]

...ABOUT YOU.

I CAN TELL BY THE WAY Y'ALL ALL IN HERE SLEEPING.

WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN?

AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

OH, NO. TH‐THIS ‐‐ THIS IS CRAZY.

Sam: TELL ME ABOUT IT.

MAMA.

SORRY, I HAD A LITTLE GAS.

MAMA, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY GAS. SAM'S UNDER THERE.

Sam: [ GRUNTS ]

GET ‐‐ GET OFF ME.

HEY!

OKAY. THAT WAS ONE THREESOME I DID NOT WANT TO BE A PART OF.

YOU AIN'T HAD TO PUSH ME LIKE THAT, YOU OLD BASTARD.

PICK IT UP. COME ON, GRANDMA. GET UP.

BOY!

I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU UP. GET YOUR...

TOASTING ON ME, YOU OLD INSTELOUS‐TATION.

WHAT? WHAT?

YOU HEARD ME, YOU IN‐INSTESTUOUS‐TATION.

INSECTS?

UH, INFESTATION AND FORNICATION?

MNH‐MNH.

ALL OF IT MEETS TOGETHER.

OH. THAT'S NOT IN THE HATTIE DICTIONARY.

[ GRUNTS ] OOP!

S‐SOMEBODY GOT TO GO PEE‐PEE.

SOMEBODY JUST DID.

JUST A LITTLE. JUST A LITTLE.

SO, I HAD TO GET UP OUT OF MY BED TO COME OVER HERE,

SPEND THE NIGHT IN THIS UNCOMFORTABLE CHAIR,

WORRIED ABOUT YOU?

WHERE YOU BEEN?!

WE WAS WORRIED SICK!

AND I'M SICK.

OH, I'M FINE.

I‐I JUST HAD TO GET SOME AIR.

DAMN!

WHAT YOU MEAN, YOU NEEDED AIR?

FOR 12 HOURS?

WE NEEDED AIR.

WE CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE.

HAD TO STAY THE NIGHT IN THIS DAMN MOTH MOTEL.

COME ON, Y'ALL. LET'S GO.

WAITING FOR YOU ALL NIGHT, WORRIED AGAIN!

YEAH, I KNOW.

GET A TRACKING DEVICE.

SHE'S NOT AN ANIMAL.

SHE'S WEARING THE PRINT.

IT WORKS ON HUMANS, TOO.

I CAN TELL YOU WHERE ALL MY WOMEN ARE AT ANY MOMENT.

WHAT IS THAT?

BAM!

"TRACK YOUR CHICK" APP.

ALL DAY, PLAYA.

CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. THAT'S DISGUSTING.

DON'T FORGET TO SEND ME THE LINK FOR IT.

COME ON, Y'ALL. LET'S RIDE.

OH, I ‐‐ CINNAMON'S TWO BLOCKS AWAY, AND LOOK!

SHE'S ON THE MOVE.

LET'S GO. LET'S GO.

COME ON, GHETTO SUPER CHICK!

COME ON, DANNY. SOMETHING WRONG WITH THEM.

NOW, WHERE YOU BEEN?

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE AT WORK ALREADY.

MM‐HMM, I WOULD'VE BEEN IF YOU HADN'T HAVE HAD ME WORRIED ALL NIGHT LONG.

OH, MAMA.

THAT'S SO SWEET. YOU WAS WORRIED ABOUT ME.

I'M FINE. YOU CAN GO NOW.

I AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.

WHERE YOU WAS AT, LINDA?

I WENT OUT.

OKAY. OUT WHERE?

I WENT OUT, OKAY?

NOW, I NEED TO GO TAKE A SHOWER, OKAY?

DON'T "OKAY" ME!

YOU GONNA TELL ME WHERE YOU WENT.

MAMA. QUIET!

YOU COME IN HERE WITH YOUR SHOES IN YOUR HAND,

AND I AIN'T SUPPOSED TO ASK NO QUESTION?

WAIT A ‐‐ WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

YOU!

WHAT?

WHERE YOUR DRAWERS AT?

WHAT?

WHERE YOUR DRAWERS AT?

WHAT?

WHERE YOUR UNDERWEAR AT, LINDA? WHERE THEY AT?

MAMA.

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

EVERY DAY YOU COME DOWN THIS STAIR, YOU GOT A PANTY LINE!

AND TODAY, YOU COME IN HERE AND AIN'T GOT NONE,

AND I AIN'T SUPPOSED TO QUESTION WHERE YOU AT?

WHERE YOUR PANTIES AT? IN YOUR PURSE?

HUH? WHAT?

MAMA! YOU'RE LOSING IT!

I'M GOING.

YOU AIN'T GOING NOWHERE. GET BACK OVER HERE.

COME HERE. COME HERE, NOW.

COME HERE.

COME HERE.

SIT DOWN.

SIT DOWN.

LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS.

WHAT?

LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS.

BEND YOUR ELBOW.

WHAT?

TOUCH YOUR NOSE.

MAMA, I'M... DO IT!

MMM!

[ CRIES ]

OH!

YOU SATISFIED?

OH!

OH?

OH, HELL NO.

YOU BEEN PLAYING SUBMARINE, GOING TO THE BAHAMAS.

MAMA, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

YOU DONE HAD SEX, LINDA.

AIN'T YOU?

AIN'T YOU?

GO AHEAD, PURGE. GO AHEAD, PURGE.

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

NO! IT'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.

YOU'RE THE ONE GOT YOUR DOORBELL RUNG.

YOU WERE PROBABLY HOLLERING, "WHO YOUR MAMA?

WHO YOUR MAMA? WHO YOUR MAMA IS? WHO YOUR MAMA?"

MAMA, STOP IT!

THAT'S WHAT YOU ASKED THE MAN, AIN'T IT?

MAMA, I FEEL SO BAD.

SIT DOWN.

GO AHEAD, SIT DOWN.

I KNOW YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED.

YEAH, I AM.

I KNOW. I AM, TOO.

I NEVER INTENDED TO BREAK MY CELIBACY VOW.

YOU SHOULD'VE NEVER EVEN TOOK YOUR ASS BACK OVER THERE TO WILL.

I KNOW VERY WELL WHAT YOU WERE GONNA DO.

I KNOW'D IT ALL ALONG, YOU WAS GONNA GO BACK OVER THERE.

THAT MAN AIN'T A BIT OF GOOD.

HE SAID, "BOO!"

YOU SAID, "HOW HIGH YOU WANT ME TO JUMP, MISTER?"

ARE YOU THROUGH?

YOU ARE JUST PATHETIC WITH THAT MAN.

MAMA.

I CAN'T STAND THAT BASTARD.

MAMA.

WHAT?

ARE YOU THROUGH?

I CAN'T STAND HIM. HE'S JUST AWFUL!

NOW I'M THROUGH.

MAMA, I WASN'T WITH WILL.

YOU WASN'T?

WHO WAS YOU WITH, THEN?

IT WAS PHILIP.

PHILIP?

IT WAS PHILIP?

YES.

OH.

I KNOW YOU'RE SAD.

NO, THE HELL I AIN'T, NEITHER.

I'M HAPPY AS HELL FOR YOU.

[ LAUGHS ]

IT WAS PHILIP?

IT WAS GOOD, TOO, WASN'T IT?

I ALREADY FEEL BAD THAT I SLIPPED UP AND...

YEAH, YOU WERE MAKING THEM FIRE TRUCK NOISES, TOO, WASN'T YOU?

[ IMITATES SIREN WAILING ]

MAMA!

MAMA, STOP IT. I FEEL ‐‐

I FEEL BAD ENOUGH.

I AIN'T MEAN TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD.

SIT DOWN.

BABY, STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.

WE ALL HAVE FALLEN AND HAVE COME SHORT.

NOBODY IS PERFECT, LINDA.

GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART.

YOU HEAR ME?

A LOT OF GREAT MEN IN THE BIBLE MESSED UP...

EXCEPT JESUS.

AND YOU'RE NOT HIM.

NOW, ACCEPT IT, REPENT, AND MOVE FORWARD.

WOW.

WOW, WHAT?

THAT ACTUALLY MADE A LOT OF SENSE.

I KNOW IT DID.

SHOCKED.

WHY YOU SO SHOCKED?

'CAUSE YOU SAID IT.

YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU HAD NO HAIR AROUND YOUR EDGES?

KEEP ON TALKING, AND I'MA BALD THEM OUT AGAIN.