Original subtitles

YOU TELL HIM, DANNY.

WHAT ARE Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT?

AN ELDERLY WOMAN FAINTED

IN THE LOBBY OF OUR OFFICE BUILDING,

AND SAM JUST LOOKED AT HER.

HE WOULDN'T EVEN GIVE HER MOUTH‐TO‐MOUTH.

WELL, HOW OLD WAS SHE?

OLDER THAN HATTIE!

OOH!

AND ‐‐ AND SHE HAD FOAM

COMING OUT OF HER MOUTH!

SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT ‐‐

YOU WOULD LET THE WOMAN DIE

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT AESTHETICALLY PLEASING TO YOU?

YES.

HUH.

I'D PROBABLY HAVE TO GO WITH SAM ON THIS ONE.

THANK YOU.

I'M A PERFECTIONIST.

NO, WHAT YOU ARE IS AWFUL.

OKAY, HOLD ON A SECOND.

I DIDN'T SEE ANY OF YOU GUYS VOLUNTEERING.

YOU WERE THE LIFEGUARD IN COLLEGE.

YEAH, YOU ARE TRAINED IN CPR.

I ONLY BECAME A LIFEGUARD FOR THE WOMEN.

[ Laughing ] I DIDN'T DO ANY RESCUES!

THAT'S ‐‐ THAT'S CRAP.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY, SO, I MEAN, IF THOSE LOSERS,

THEY WANT TO SWIM OUT THERE AND GET THEMSELVES IN TROUBLE,

THAT'S NOT MY FAULT.

I DIDN'T DO ALL THAT TRAINING FOR THEM.

LIFEGUARD TRAINING.

WHAT YOU NEED IS TRAINING ON HOW TO BE A HUMAN.

AND YOU NEED A TRAINING BRA!

AND YOU NEED POTTY TRAINING.

AND YOU NEED A TRAINING BRO.

WHEN I SAID, "BRA," I WAS WRONG.

YOU NEED A BRA FOR GUYS.

WELL, Y'ALL NEED TO PAY YOUR TAB AND GET THE HELL UP OUT OF HERE!

OKAY, STOP IT, YOU TWO.

I'D LIKE TO START THOSE TWO.

AH‐OOGA!

AH‐OOGA!

[ IMITATES WHIRRING ]

DOWN BOOB‐ASCOPE.

SAM, YOU DO KNOW I'M YOUR BOSS, RIGHT?

I WILL FIRE YOU.

OKAY, I'M SORRY.

NOW, SHOULD I APOLOGIZE TO THEM B‐B‐‐

TO THEM B‐BOTH?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

ENOUGH.

ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GLAD SHE'S OKAY.

OH, WOW.

IS THAT CARL FRANTENLY?

WHO'S THAT?

HE'S, LIKE, THE RICHEST GUY IN CHICAGO.

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

NO, DREW, WE WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIS KIDS.

OH, YEAH!

BOBBY AND DINO! YEAH.

BOY, THOSE BOYS WERE CUTE.

NO, THEY WERE NOT.

THEIR DAD IS RICH.

TRUST ME, THEY'RE CUTE.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MARRY RICH.

DOES HE HAVE ANY DAUGHTERS?

JUST BOYS.

WELL, IF I HAVE TO.

SAM! WHAT?

IT'S LEGAL IN SOME STATES.

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

MAN, HOW RICH IS HE?

HE'S WORTH LIKE $50 MILLION.

WOW.

$50 MILLION?

DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT I'D DO WITH THAT KIND OF MONEY?

BUY SOME BOOBS?

YES...BUT FIRST,

I'D HIRE A HIT MAN TO TAKE YOU OUT.

BANG, BANG!

I'D HIRE ANY MAN TO TAKE YOU OUT.

BANG, BANG.

YEAH, I COULD USE A BANG.

CAN'T WE ALL?

WAIT, IS HE CHECKING OUT MY MOTHER?

AH, GREAT, NOW I AM.

LOOK, CALM DOWN, DANNY,

BEFORE HE PIMP‐SLAPS YOU WITH HIS WALLET.

LISTEN, IF HE LIKES YOUR MOTHER,

THEN YOU NEED TO LET HIM LIKE HER.

HE'S RICH!

AND MARRIED.

OH, NO, I'M NOT HAVING THIS.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

TO EMBARRASS HIMSELF.

AND I'M NOT WATCHING IT.

VAMANOS, MARIANNA.

LET'S GET BACK TO WORK. GOOD IDEA.

YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. YEAH.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

YO, YO, YO, EXCUSE ME.

YES?

OH, THAT'S MY MAMA YOU'RE LOOKING UP AND DOWN AT.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH!

SHE LOOKS FAMILIAR.

SHE DON'T KNOW YOU.

IS HER NAME LINDA?

MAYBE.

WOW.

LINDA?

CARL?

[ CHUCKLES ]

HI. HOW ARE YOU? HI.

[ LAUGHS ] OH, MY. IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NOT AS GOOD AS IT IS TO SEE YOU.

YOU HAVEN'T AGED A BIT.

OH, STOP. [ LAUGHS ]

BUT GO ON.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

YOU LOOK GREAT.

THANK YOU.

HOW ARE YOU?

OH, I'M GREAT. [ CHUCKLES ]

MAMA, YOU KNOW HIM?

YES, BABY.

HE WAS MY HIGH‐SCHOOL SWEETHEART.

REALLY?

AND YOU WERE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

AND I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN YEARS.

NOT FOR THE LACK OF TRYING.

WHATEVER.

DANNY, THIS IS CARL.

CARL, THIS IS MY DANNY.

HI.

HI.

SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL OF THESE YEARS?

WELL, I LIVE IN CHICAGO NOW.

OH, GREAT.

HOW'S YOUR WIFE?

SHE'S GOOD.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE MARRIED.

THAT'S WHY I SAID THAT.

YEAH, 25 YEARS NOW.

AND YOU?

DIVORCED.

OH, I'M SORRY. DON'T BE.

SO, WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

WELL, I, UH ‐‐ I TOOK OVER A COMPANY.

WHAT COMPANY'S THAT?

VALORA SOLDER.

WOW. YOU WORK FOR THEM?

NO, I, UH, I OWN THEM NOW.

WHAT? YEAH.

WAIT A SECOND.

ARE YOU REALLY DOING THAT WELL?

LIFE IS GOOD.

I'LL SAY.

CAN I TAKE YOU OUT TO DINNER? UH...

I'M ONLY IN TOWN FOR ONE DAY.

NO. YOU'RE MARRIED.

OH, I‐I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT FOR FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.

YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, RIGHT?

[ SCOFFS, MUMBLES ]

SURE. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

OKAY. COOL.

WE CAN CATCH UP. OKAY.

[ FOOTSTEPS APPROACH ]

LINDA, YOU NEED TO GET BACK THERE

AND GET YOUR POTS AND PANS OUT HERE.

WHILE YOU OUT HERE DOING ALL THIS HERE

CACKLING AND SKINNING AND GRINNING AND CARRYING ON,

THEM FLOORS BACK THERE NEED TO BE MOPPED.

AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME TO BE FOOLING WITH YOU.

MAMA, YOU REMEMBER CARL?

NO, I DON'T REMEMBER HIM, NEITHER.

CARL FRANTENLY?

OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.

I OWE YOU SOME CHANGE.

I REMEMBER THAT NIGHT WE WAS LAID UP THERE,

AND YOU LEFT ALL THAT MONEY ON THE TABLE THERE.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO TAKE ALL OF IT,

BUT I‐I‐I THINK I OWE YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING BACK.

NO, NO, NO, I'M THE GUY YOU TOLD

NEVER TO, UH, CONTACT YOUR DAUGHTER AGAIN.

WHAT?

YEAH.

OH, YOU THAT BOY ‐‐

YOU'D CALL MY HOUSE ALL THE TIME OF NIGHT AND DAY?

VERY DISRESPECTFUL.

UH, NO, MA'AM, I MEANT NO DISRESPECT.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET TO LINDA.

SHE WAS MY ONE TRUE LOVE.

ONE TRUE LOVE?

SHOULDN'T YOUR WIFE BE YOUR ONE TRUE LOVE?

NO, I HAD TO LEARN TO LOVE HER THE WAY THAT I DO.

YOUR MOTHER WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

WELL, MY MAMA AIN'T GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU.

OH, NO, SON. IT'S ‐‐ IT'S FINE. IT'S OKAY.

HOW'S YOUR WIFE GONNA FEEL ABOUT THIS, MAN?

MY WIFE AND I ARE FINE, MAN. SHE'S VERY SECURE.

I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.

25 YEARS OF MARRIAGE IS A LONG TIME.

YES, IT IS.

HERE'S MY CARD.

GIVE ME A CALL. I'LL PICK YOU UP.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

WHAT THE HELL YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT FOR?

MAMA, YOU TOLD HIM NOT TO CALL ME?

YEAH.

YOU TOLD ME HE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE.

OH, DID I SAY THAT?

YES, YOU DID.

WELL, HE WASN'T NO GOOD FOR YOU NO HOW.

YOU OUGHT TO BE GLAD YOU AIN'T GET CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.

HE PROBABLY A LOSER ANYWAY.

AND YOU KNOW YOU AIN'T NEVER KNEW HOW TO PICK 'EM.

MAMA, YOU WERE WRONG FOR THAT.

YOU AIN'T MISSED NOTHING. BESIDES, HE'S MARRIED ANYWAY.

WHAT THE HELL GOING ON?

SHE MISSED A LOT, 'CAUSE HE IS FILTHY RICH.

[ STAMMERS ] YOU SAY ‐‐ WHAT NOW?

DAMN!

[ STAMMERS ] YOU SAY ‐‐ WHAT NOW?

HE IS RICH.

WHO'S RICH?

CARL.

THE GUY WHO JUST LEFT HERE?

YEAH.

I KNEW HE LOOKED FAMILIAR.

APPARENTLY, HE AND MAMA USED TO DATE.

IS THAT THE ONE THAT USED TO CALL LINDA

ALL THE TIME, ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT?

HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

[ CHUCKLES ]

'CAUSE HATTIE THREATENED THAT BOY

WITHIN AN INCH OF HIS LIFE.

FLOYD, DON'T ACT LIKE I WAS JUST IN THIS HERE BY MYSELF.

WELL, I HELPED, TOO.

YES, YOU DID.

AND HE'S RICH?

YES. AND MY MOTHER'S VERY UPSET.

WELL, SHE SHOULD BE.

THAT'S LIKE TAKING A LOTTERY TICKET THAT YOU DONE WON

AND SNATCHING IT UP OUT OF YOUR HAND...

BY YOUR MAMA.

WELL, JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE RICH DON'T MEAN YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON.

MAMA, ARE YOU OKAY?

I WAS JUST BACK THERE WONDERING

HOW MY LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT HAD I STAYED WITH CARL.

YOU'D BE RICH.

YEAH.

PROBABLY STAYING IN A MANSION.

YEAH.

PRIVATE JETS.

YEAH.

BUT INSTEAD, YOU'RE BROKE AS A JOKE.

AND YOU WORK FOR YOUR MAMA.

I KNOW.

THAT IS SO SAD.

THINK OF IT THIS WAY. I WOULDN'T BE HERE.

THAT'S NOT HELPING THIS SITUATION.

REALLY, UNCLE FLOYD?

REALLY.

YES, IT IS, BABY.

BUT YOU WOULD'VE BEEN BORN TO CARL,

AND YOU WOULD BE RICH, TOO.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU, GRANDMA!

OH, YOU FEEL FROGGY,

THEN JUMP ON OVER HERE AND DO SOMETHING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, MAMA.

WELL, IT'S DONE NOW.

AND YOU WON'T EVEN APOLOGIZE.

WHY?

THAT COULD'VE BEEN MY HUSBAND.

HE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

[ Voice breaking ] WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOGETHER.

OH, HELL, GIRL, GET OVER IT.

HATTIE.

WHAT?

QUIT BEING SO MEAN.

THIS IS CRAZY.

YOU WAS IN ON IT WITH ME.

NOW YOU JUST WANT TO DROP IT ALL AT MY FEET?

UNCLE FLOYD, YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS, TOO?

YEAH.

AND WHAT DID YOU DO?

I DID WHAT SHE TOLD ME TO DO.

AND WHAT WAS THAT?

LET'S JUST SAY MY BROTHER AND I

PAID HIM A LITTLE VISIT.

AND WHAT HAPPENED, MAMA?

SHUT UP, FLOYD. YOU SHUT UP.

YOU SHUT UP. YOU SHUT UP.

WOULD SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT YOU DID?

TELL HER.

LET'S JUST SAY WE MADE HIM AN OFFER HE COULDN'T REFUSE.

OH, SO Y'ALL ARE GANGSTERS NOW?

G's, BABY.

FINE.

FI‐‐ MAMA, THIS IS IT.

MAMA! UH, NO, NO.

LET HER GO, MAN. SHE'S UPSET.

AND WHAT THE HELL IS SHE SO UPSET ABOUT ANYHOW?

HATTIE.

YOU SHOULD BE MORE UPSET THAN HER.

WHY?

THAT COULD'VE BEEN HER LIFE.

HE'S RICH.

OH, NOW I'M SICK.

SO, WAIT...

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT ‐‐ THAT HAD SHE MARRIED HIM,

SHE WOULDN'T BE LIVING IN THE HOUSE WITH ME RIGHT NOW?

EXACTLY.

GET OUT OF MY FACE.

DAMN!

AND I KNOW BETTER.

WHOO! LOOK AT YOU! YOU LOOK SO NICE.

I SAID YOU LOOK SO NICE.

OH, YOU'RE JUST GONNA IGNORE ME LIKE THAT, NOW?

YOU KNOW THAT'S HOW LOCKS GET CHANGED AROUND HERE.

WELL, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR LOCKS

IF YOU WOULD'VE LET CARL BE AROUND ME.

OH, GIRL, YOU'RE STUCK IN THE PAST.

WELL, THAT'S WHERE MY FUTURE WAS.

OH, COME ON HERE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SEPARATED ME FROM CARL.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

ANSWER ME.

I'M IGNORING YOU JUST LIKE YOU JUST DID ME.

FINE.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO UPSET.

BESIDES, THAT THING HAPPENED 25 YEARS AGO.

BECAUSE YOU CHANGED MY ENTIRE FUTURE, MAMA.

NO, I DID NOT.

THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY HUSBAND AND MY LIFE,

BUT YOU RUINED IT.

MAMA, I COULD'VE BEEN LOVED.

I COULD'VE BEEN RICH.

OH, HELL, I COULD'VE BEEN OPRAH WINFREY.

I COULD'VE BEEN DIANA ROSS AND THE SUPREMES.

MICHAEL JACKSON, TITO, JANET, AND THAT OTHER GIRL.

YOU KNOW THE ONE THAT DID "CENTIPEDE".

NOW BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT.

YOU'RE WRONG, MAMA.

YOU NEED TO LET THIS HERE GO.

I WILL NOT.

YOU BETTER LET IT GO BEFORE I MAKE THE WIND FROM YOUR LUNGS.

YOU HAVE BEEN CONTROLLING MY ENTIRE LIFE.

OKAY, OKAY. I'M SORRY.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME?

NO.

WELL, I TRIED TO SOUND CONVINCING.

WELL, YOU WEREN'T.

OH, HELL, GIRL, BUILD YOU A PLANE AND FLY OVER IT.

NO, MAMA, I WILL NOT.

YOU WERE WRONG, AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT.

OH, SHE THINKS SHE DONE SAID SOMETHING, NOW.

[ DOOR CLOSES ]

BUILD YOU A BOAT AND FLOAT OVER IT.

BUILD YOU A YACHT FOR ALL I CARE.

AND TOOT YOUR DAMN HORN, TOO.

[ SIGHS ] WELL... THANKS FOR A GREAT DINNER.

SURE.

I'M SORRY MY MAMA DID THAT.

NO, IT'S WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.

WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?

WELL, I WENT ON AND MARRIED A GREAT WOMAN WHO WAS STRONG,

AND SHE KEPT ME ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

I WASN'T STRONG?

YES, BUT WE WERE DIFFERENT TOGETHER.

WHEN I WAS WITH YOU,

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS BE HOME AND BE AROUND YOU.

I COULDN'T SEE TWO FEET IN FRONT OF ME.

THAT KIND OF LOVE IS BLINDING AT TIMES.

SO THIS WAS FOR THE BEST.

MAYBE FOR YOU.

LOOK AROUND MY MAMA'S HOUSE.

I LIVE HERE.

Hattie Mae: AIN'T NOTHING WRONG WITH MY DAMN HOUSE.

AND NO PRIVACY, EITHER.

OH, GET YOU A MOAT.

NO, THIS IS BEST FOR THE BOTH OF US.

I'M SURE YOU HAVE SOMETHING GOOD OUT OF THIS, TOO.

YEAH. MY DANNY.

HE'S A PAIN IN THE EYE.

HE'S THE BEST.

OH, BOY.

SEE, IT WORKED OUT AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.

I GOT TO GO.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER?

OKAY.

UH...

TELL YOUR WIFE I SAID HI.

WILL DO.

AND TELL HER TO ENJOY MY HOUSE.

AND MY CAR.

AND MY LIFE.

Hattie Mae: OOH, GIRL, YOU'RE JUST SO DRAMATIC.

OOH, I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

GOT THAT RIGHT.

♪♪ DAUGHTER ♪♪

♪♪ OH, DAUGHTER ♪♪

YOU STILL IGNORING ME?

NO, MAMA.

OH, HELL, I WAS ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET.

HERE YOU GO.

WHAT'S THIS?

THE BILLS ‐‐ WHAT THE HELL ELSE YOU THINK IT IS?

MAMA.

THEM ALL THE LETTERS HE WROTE YOU.

YOU KEPT THESE?

YEAH.

WHY?

[ SIGHS ] 'CAUSE I KNEW THIS DAY WOULD COME.

[ SIGHS ] WELL, IT DID.

I'M SORRY I MADE THE WRONG CHOICE FOR YOU.

NO, MAMA.

IT WASN'T THE WRONG CHOICE.

MY LIFE IS JUST WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU REALIZE THAT.

I DO.

I JUST DON'T THINK HE WAS THE BEST FOR YOU.

AND YOU KNOW I WANT THAT.

I WANT THE VERY BEST FOR YOU.

WHY DO YOU THINK HE WASN'T THE BEST?

[ MUMBLES ]

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

[ MUMBLES ]

MAMA, TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID.

[ MUMBLES ]

DID YOU SAY HE'S MY BROTHER?!

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

BE CAREFUL WHO YOU DATE.

YOU DON'T WANT TO BE DATING YOUR SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I PUT A FEW OF THEM UP FOR ADOPTION.

ALL BOYS.

HOW MANY, MAMA?!

35.