Original subtitles

[ KEYBOARD CLACKING ]

SO...

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK I'M CONFUSED.

I THINK I'M IN LOVE.

WHAT?

UH, WITH MY PROJECT.

UH...

WHAT ARE YOU CONFUSED ABOUT?

DID YOU NOT SEE THE CLIENT'S REQUEST?

YES, I DID.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A WEBSITE FOR A PRESCHOOL.

WHY IS THERE A POLE?

FOR SAFETY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SAM CREATED THIS WEBSITE FOR A PRESCHOOL.

OH.

OH, MY WORD.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

EVERYTHING.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU'RE JUST GIRLS.

WE NEED A REAL MAN'S OPINION.

GOOD. DANNY.

[ CHUCKLES, CLEARS THROAT ]

I SAID A MAN, NOT A‐MAN‐DA.

VERY FUNNY.

[ Mockingly ] OH, HE WON'T LIKE IT

'CAUSE HE'S SUCH A MAMA'S BOY.

"OH, MAMA, POOH. OH, MAMA, POOH."

MAYBE.

WHAT IS IT?

WHEN DID WE START WORKING WITH STRIPPERS?!

THANK YOU!

SAM DESIGNED THIS WEBSITE

FOR ONE OF OUR CLIENTS ‐‐

THEY'RE A PRESCHOOL.

SAM, HOW COULD YOU COME UP WITH THIS FOR A PRESCHOOL?

THERE'S A STRIPPER POLE!

HEY. CAREER DAY.

THEY ASKED FOR BUNNIES.

WAIT. THESE ARE BUNNIES?

OH.

THEY'RE NOT TOPLESS.

THEY ARE BREAST‐FEEDING.

SAM!

‐‐Captions by VITAC‐‐ www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

SAM, YOU ARE GONNA HAVE TO DO A LOT BETTER THAN THIS.

OKAY. DANNY GETS RAVING REVIEWS ALL THE TIME.

AND SO DO I.

SOMETIMES.

I'M SORRY.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO GIVE THIS PROJECT TO DANNY.

FINE, FINE.

I'M SORRY, BUT HE'S JUST A LOT BETTER

AT THE SENSITIVE STUFF THAN YOU ARE.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

[ GIGGLES ]

SHE THINKS I'M SENSITIVE.

[ Mockingly ] IT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT.

YES, IT IS.

NO, IT'S NOT.

WHEN A WOMAN CALLS YOU SENSITIVE,

THAT MEANS SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU.

SO...

ENJOY YOUR LITTLE PRESCHOOL WEBSITE WITH THE BUNNIES.

I'LL GIVE YOU...BUNNIES.

WELL, IF YOU GIVE ME HER, THE RABBIT'S GONNA DIE.

[ CLEARS THROAT ] DANNY.

UH‐HUH?! [ CHUCKLES ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

UH, CAN YOU HANDLE THIS?

YES, I CAN.

WAIT. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THIS PROJECT.

WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?

HELLO? SENIORITY.

YOU KNOW, THAT'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL.

OH, JUST LET HIM DO THIS.

I'VE GOT SOMETHING SO MUCH BETTER FOR US TO DO TODAY.

OH. AND WHAT'S THAT?

OKAY, AT LUNCH, I'M GONNA GO VOLUNTEER

AT A WOMEN'S SHELTER TO MENTOR YOUNG MOTHERS.

IT'S GONNA BE BEAUTIFUL. YOU SHOULD COME WITH ME.

[ CHUCKLES ] DID YOU SAY "WOMEN"?

SHELTER.

CAN I COME?

SURE.

AS LONG AS IT'S IN A BODY BAG.

HEY, THAT'S CRUEL.

THE REASON I'M GOING THERE

IS TO KEEP THESE YOUNG MOTHERS AWAY FROM GUYS LIKE YOU.

THEN IT'S GOOD I PROBABLY DON'T COME.

I WOULDN'T WANT ANY OF THOSE LITTLE CRUMB SNATCHERS

TRYING TO CLAIM I'M THEIR FATHER.

TRUST ME, THEY DON'T WANT TO CLAIM YOU AS ANYTHING.

REGULAR OLD MOTHER TERESA, THAT ONE, EH?

MOTHER "T" DIDN'T HAVE AN "A" LIKE THAT.

STOP IT!

WHAT?

SHE'S GOT A GREAT BODY.

SHE'S OUR BOSS.

AND BOSS ME SHE CAN.

YOU'RE ALWAYS UNDRESSING HER WITH YOUR EYES,

JUST LOOKING HER UP AND DOWN.

STOP MAKING A FOOL OF YOURSELF.

Marianna: DANNY!

OOH.

ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU CAN FINISH THIS PROJECT BY TOMORROW?

YES. I CAN WORK ON IT ALL NIGHT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'D LIKE TO WORK ON YOU ALL NIGHT.

DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

HE SAID HE'D LIKE TO WORK ON YOU ALL ‐‐

UH, THAT DANNY, UH, WILL WORK ON IT

WITH ALL OF HIS MIGHT.

PERFECT.

DREW, I'M GONNA GO GET MY PURSE

SO THAT WE CAN HEAD ON OVER TO THE SHELTER.

OKAY. I'LL GO GRAB MY PURSE, ALSO.

[ Italian accent ] MOTHER TERESA.

I LIKE HER A LOT. [ CHUCKLES ]

I LIKE HER SO MUCH, I WANT HER DEAD.

I LIKE HER SO MUCH,

I WANT HER ANY WAY I CAN GET HER...

HERE...

THERE...

THE VACANT DESK BEHIND ME.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

OH, SHE'S SO SWEET.

IF YOU SAY THAT WORD ONE MORE TIME,

I'M GONNA RIP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF YOUR MOUTH

AND THEN FEED IT TO YOU.

BON APPéTIT.

YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

OH, GROSS.

WHAT?

I DON'T WANT TO TAKE ANYTHING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

WOULD YOU GUYS RELAX?

SHE GAVE ME THE PROJECT.

THIS IS SO GREAT!

[ CLEARS THROAT ] NO, I'LL MAKE US ALL LOOK GOOD.

COME ON.

YOU KNOW I ONLY RIDE SOLO...

...UNLESS I'M RIDING A TRAIN...

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

WHO'S IN THE BACK? WHO'S IN THE FRONT? SWITCH.

I‐I GOT IT.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I HAVE WORK TO DO.

[ LAUGHS ]

IF I DIDN'T THINK HE WAS SO CUTE

AND IF I WASN'T SO ATTRACTED TO HIM,

I'D KILL HIM.

WELL, NEITHER OF THOSE APPLY TO ME,

BUT I WANT TO KILL HIM, TOO.

I'M A LITTLE BIT ATTRACTED TO HIM.

MAN CRUSH.

OKAY, LADIES, LUNCH IS OVER.

WE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE FACILITY.

[ BABIES COOING ]

HI.

THAT'S CUTE.

MISS HATTIE?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

[ BABY CRIES ]

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HELPING ME AND MY GIRLS.

OH, IT WAS MY PLEASURE.

OOH! GOOD GOD!

LOOK LIKE SHE GONNA DROP THAT LOAD ANY DAY NOW.

HI, BABY.

OH, LOOKY THERE. THAT BABY NEED A PERM.

[ CHUCKLES ] Y'ALL TAKE CARE.

AWW. LOOKY THERE.

OOH! THAT ONE LIKES IT!

[ BABBLING ]

YOU KNOW, THIS WAS ACTUALLY REALLY AMAZING

WORKING WITH ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMEN.

IT REALLY WAS.

THEY HAVE SOME AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL STORIES, RIGHT?

YES, I KNOW. WELL, WE ARE GONNA GO.

WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK.

BYE. THANK YOU, MISS HATTIE.

Hattie: BYE, Y'ALL. TAKE CARE.

MAMA, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

WHY?

UH, HEY. LET ME ANSWER THAT.

BECAUSE SHE FED ALL THESE WOMEN FOR FREE.

FREE?

WHAT THE HELL?!

AIN'T NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS HERE FOR FREE!

MAMA, GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR THAT.

YEAH, I RECKON SO, BUT HE TAKE TOO LONG.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALWAYS GOOD

TO HELP SOMEBODY OUT EVERY NOW AND THEN.

YES, IT IS.

WELL, LET ME GO BACK HERE

AND CHECK THESE BATHROOMS AND EVERYTHING.

I'M GONNA START STRAIGHTENING UP AROUND HERE.

♪♪ I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF ♪♪

♪♪ WHAT ♪♪

♪♪ I'M SINGING ♪♪

MY MAMA GIVING ‐‐

THAT'S SO WONDERFUL.

ISN'T IT SO WONDERFUL?

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

[ SIGHS ]

THE REASON YOUR MAMA IS GIVING

IS 'CAUSE SHE'S EXPECTING SOMETHING BACK.

MAYBE SHE'S CHANGING, UNCLE FLOYD.

NO, SHE'S NOT.

YOUR MAMA NEED A TAX BREAK.

NO, SHE DOESN'T.

SHE'S JUST BEING KIND.

YOUR MAMA AIN'T GOT A KIND OSTEOPOROSIS‐SUFFERING BONE

IN HER BODY.

AND IF SHE DID, THAT ONE'S BRITTLE.

CRKK! [ CHUCKLES ]

Hattie: OH, MY!

WHAT'S GOING ON, HATTIE?

WHAT'S WRONG, MAMA?

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. WHAT IS IT?

WELL, GO IN THERE.

NO, I'M NOT GOING IN THERE.

THE LAST TIME SHE CALLED ME IN THE BATHROOM,

IT WAS DISGUSTING.

FLOYD!

[ High‐pitched voice ] HE LEFT.

FLOYD, COME QUICK!

[ Normal voice ] I'M NOT GOING IN THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM

WITH YOU, HATTIE.

LINDA!

WHAT?

LOOK.

WHAT?

THAT'S A BABY.

Y‐YOU THINK IT WAS ONE OF THE WOMEN FROM THE SHELTER?

HAD TO BE.

OKAY, I'LL CALL DANNY AND HAVE HIM ASK MARIANNA

IF ALL THE KIDS ARE ACCOUNTED FOR.

OKAY. WELL, I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE.

NO, FLOYD. I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

BUT WE'VE GOT TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE AT THAT SHELTER.

GOOD IDEA.

MAYBE ONE OF THE WOMEN LEFT THE BABY BY MISTAKE.

HOW THE HELL YOU GONNA LEAVE A BABY BY MISTAKE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GONNA STAND THERE AND SAY THAT.

Shut the hell up, Floyd.

No, you shut the hell up.

No, you shut up. You shut the hell up.

I'm gonna punch you in the back of your damn head.

[ MUTTERS ]

WHA‐‐ WHAT?

TELL HER.

YOUR MAMA LEFT YOU SOMEWHERE BY MISTAKE.

MAMA, DID YOU?

YOU OLD BASTARD.

MAMA!

WHAT?! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

ACCIDENT MY ASHTRAY.

TELL HER WHERE YOU LEFT HER.

[ BABBLING ]

MNH‐MNH. NOT ALL THAT.

MAMA, WHERE DID YOU LEAVE ME?

[ MUTTERS ]

WHAT?

[ MUTTERS ]

[ BABBLING ]

WHAT IS ‐‐ WHAT IS SHE SAYING?

SHE LEFT YOU ON TOP OF THE BUICK.

OW.

YEP. LEFT YOU SLAP UP THERE.

MAMA!

IT ‐‐ IT WAS A MISTAKE!

AND I JUST SAT YOU UP ON TOP OF THE ROOF

TO DIG DOWN IN MY POCKETBOOK TO FIND THE KEYS.

THEN I DROVE OFF, AND I FORGOT YOU WAS UP THERE.

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU STAYED UP THERE.

FOR HOW LONG?

Three hours.

[ BABBLING ]

WHAT?

Three hours.

YOU STAYED UP THERE FOR THREE HOURS.

[ MUTTERING ]

MAMA, YOU DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GONE FOR THREE HOURS?

NO. NOT UNTIL I GOT ACROSS THE MISSISSIPPI LINE.

THEN I TURNED AROUND, AND I LOOKED BACK THERE,

AND YOU WASN'T BACK THERE.

THEN I STOPPED.

AND THEN I SEEN YOU.

AND THEN YOU JUST SLID RIGHT DOWN ON TOP OF THE HOOD.

IF IT WASN'T FOR THE HOOD ORNAMENT,

YOU WOULD BE DEAD NOW ‐‐ JUST HANGING.

MAMA!

[ BABBLING ] MAMA!

NO. [BABBLES] HELL.

COME ON. TALK TO HER.

THE DOCTOR SAID YOU'D BE FINE.

IT WAS JUST A ‐‐

JUST A MILD "COMCUSSIOM."

JUST A CONCUSSION, MAMA?

THAT IS AWFUL.

THAT'S WHAT THE POLICE SAID.

BUT, APPARENTLY, THE SWELLING

HASN'T GONE DOWN SINCE THE ACCIDENT.

Floyd, you reckon that's why her head so big now?

GOT TO BE FLUID RETENTION.

They gonna need a long needle to suck all that water out.

WHY YOU THINK HER GRADUATION CAP WAS SO BIG?

[ MOANS ]

UH... [ SIGHS ]

I'M GONNA CALL DANNY.

UH, BABY.

BE ‐‐ BE CAREFUL.

DON'T SLIP ON THAT WATER.

AND YOU WONDER WHY SHE GOT HELD BACK TWICE.

HER HEAD HELD HER BACK.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WOW!

STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT THING.

LOOK LIKE HE BEEN WORKING ON THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD.

OH, FLOYD. QUIT IT.

IT'S CUTE.

ARE WE LOOKING AT THE SAME BABY?

FLOYD, WELL, SOMETIMES BABIES TURN.

WELL, THAT FACE MADE A TURN FOR THE WORSE.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES AN UGLY BABY

CAN TURN INTO A PRETTY CHILD,

THEN INTO A BEAUTIFUL ADULT.

WELL, THAT BABY BETTER HURRY UP AND TURN THEN,

'CAUSE IT'S GOT A LONG WAYS BEFORE IT TURN PRETTY.

BUT, SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, WE NEED TO FIND OUT WHAT WE NEED

TO DO WITH THIS BA‐BA‐BA‐‐

BA‐‐ BABY.

FLOYD!

BA‐‐

BABY.

I THINK.

BABY.

THANK YOU.

SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN ‐‐

EVERY TIME I SAY "BA‐BA‐BABY," I WANT TO SAY "P‐P‐PUPPY."

BA‐FUPPY.

WELL, I MEAN...

P‐P‐PUPPIES ARE CUTER.

WELL, WHO WAS IN THERE EARLIER?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU ACT LIKE I WATCH EVERY WOMAN

THAT GOES IN AND OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

[ SCOFFS ]

[ Chuckling ] PLEASE. THAT'S PERVERTED.

FLOYD.

OKAY, THERE WERE 17 WOMEN

THAT WENT IN AND OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

AND THEY ALL CAME OUT AT A VERY DECENT TIME.

NOW, THERE WERE TWO THAT WENT IN THERE.

AND I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT THEY WERE DOING IN THERE...

EVEN THOUGH I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE WATCHED.

BUT, ANYWAY...

THERE WAS ONE WOMAN IN PARTICULAR

THAT STAYED IN THERE A REALLY LONG TIME.

YOU RECKON SHE THE ONE LEFT IT IN THERE?

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE RIGHT.

WE NEED TO CALL THE SHELTER.

[ BABY SNEEZES, CRIES ]

OH, JESUS! IT MOVED!

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

AHH!

AHH! AHH!

CAN YOU GUYS FEEL IT?

UH‐HUH. UH‐HUH.

ENOUGH. ENOUGH ALREADY.

[ SCOFFS ]

MARIANNA, THANKS A LOT

FOR LETTING ME HELP YOU OUT WITH THE WOMEN TODAY.

IT WAS ACTUALLY REALLY MOVING.

WASN'T THAT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING?

I'D REALLY LIKE TO JOIN YOU GUYS NEXT TIME.

REALLY?

YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE WE ALWAYS NEED NEW VOLUNTEERS.

YES. SAM, YOU WANT TO GO?

SURE!

TO THE SHELTER? I'D LOVE TO.

NOT.

WELL, THAT'S A GOOD THING.

THE WOMEN HAVE ALREADY BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH.

THEY DON'T NEED THE TRAUMA OF HAVING TO LOOK AT YOU, TOO.

SAVE FOR THE TRAUMA FOR YOUR MAMA.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HEY, DRUSILLA.

HI, FLOYD.

HEY, FLOYD.

HI, MOM.

HEY, BABY.

GRANDMA.

[ BABY CRYING ] Floyd: OH! WHOA!

I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LET YOU CARRY HER.

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

WHY AREN'T YOU ALL ANSWERING THE PHONE?

MARIANNA HAD US MEDITATING.

YOU KNOW, IT JUST REALLY HELPS TO CLEAR THE SENSES.

AND MY ABILITY TO RELATE TO PEOPLE.

GRANDMA, THAT'S A BABY.

REALLY?!

I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

WHOSE BABY?

HOW THE HELL WE KNOW?!

[ Chuckling ] I AM NOT THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD.

OKAY?

I WANT A BLOOD TEST!

OKAY, LET'S LOOK AT THIS BABY.

LET'S LOO‐‐ OHH, BABY.

WAIT FOR IT. WAIT FOR IT.

AAH!

HE LOOKS LIKE A ‐‐

STOP.

STOP IT.

LET ME SEE THIS KID.

WOW.

OH, COME ON. DON'T BE SO MEAN.

THERE'S G‐‐ WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

PASS HIM BACK.

THAT WAY. THAT WAY.

HOT BABY. HOT BABY.

Y'ALL QUIT IT.

THIS HERE BABY CAN'T HELP THE WAY HE COME OUT LOOKING.

THAT'S WHY UGLY PEOPLE SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX.

OKAY, CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME

HOW THIS BABY GOT HERE?

'CAUSE UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX.

SOMEBODY LEFT HIM AT THE DINER TODAY,

AND WE THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF THE WOMEN

YOU WERE WORKING WITH.

OKAY, I'M GONNA GO CALL THE SHELTER RIGHT NOW.

THIS POOR BABY.

OH.

LOOK, HE LOOKS HUNGRY.

DOES ANYBODY WANT TO FEED HIM?

STOP IT.

I'LL GIVE HIM SOME MILK.

NO!

I'M SURE, BY NOW, YOURS IS POWDERED.

MM.

1%.

2%. [ CHUCKLES ]

BUTTERMILK.

SPOILED. [ CHUCKLES ]

MM.

OH, SHUT IT UP.

I...

I BOUGHT THE BABY A BOTTLE.

OH.

OH. I'LL WARM IT UP.

OH. HERE, BABY.

YEAH.

YOU DIDN'T PUMP, DID YOU?

I'M GONNA PUMP YOU UPSIDE YOUR HEAD.

HEY, HE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF CUTE

IF YOU LOOK AT HIM REALLY FAST.

OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

HE'S A CHARMER.

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

HOPE HIS MAMA IS A CHIROPRACTOR.

YOU GUYS, THEY ARE IN A PANIC.

HER MOTHER LEFT HER WITH ONE OF THE OTHER MOTHERS,

THINKING SHE HAD HER,

AND THEY'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR HER FOR THREE HOURS.

HOLD ON.

DID YOU SAY THAT'S A SHE?

YES.

OH.

SHE...GONNA HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF HER.

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR BRINGING HER HERE.

SHE'S GOT A PRETTY NAME.

HER NAME IS JASMINE.

YOU SAY JASMINE?

THEY SHOULD HAVE NAMED HER CACTUS.

COME ON, BABY.

COME ON. [ JASMINE COOING ]

Floyd: YOU COULD HAVE LET HER JUST WALK OUT ON HER OWN.

WHOO! THAT WAS AN UGLY BABY.