Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:06,050
Hey, Baxter.
2
00:00:06,052 --> 00:00:08,344
Working hard or hardly working?
3
00:00:08,346 --> 00:00:09,554
Go back to:
4
00:00:09,556 --> 00:00:11,982
"Whazzup!"
5
00:00:11,984 --> 00:00:13,400
You know, I was going through
6
00:00:13,402 --> 00:00:15,918
the company manual
looking for reasons why...
7
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,562
why Joe would be up here.
8
00:00:17,564 --> 00:00:19,314
Yep, nah, nothing there.
9
00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,200
I'm sure there's prob...
No, nothing there, either.
10
00:00:22,202 --> 00:00:24,135
Should I go through all the...
11
00:00:24,137 --> 00:00:25,945
Nothing in... Oh, wait
a minute, there it is.
12
00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:28,840
Oh. Yeah. Joe should
never be up in the office.
13
00:00:29,868 --> 00:00:32,335
It doesn't say that.
14
00:00:32,337 --> 00:00:35,154
Oh, oh, oh, there she is!
15
00:00:35,156 --> 00:00:36,247
Lay it on me.
16
00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:39,000
What's the theme for the
chili contest this year?
17
00:00:39,002 --> 00:00:41,228
Why did I take the stairs?
18
00:00:41,230 --> 00:00:44,380
You know, when she's older,
I'm gonna have her piggyback me
19
00:00:44,382 --> 00:00:47,091
for nine months... ha...
see how she likes it.
20
00:00:47,093 --> 00:00:49,226
All due respect,
21
00:00:49,228 --> 00:00:51,405
she's not due for another few weeks.
22
00:00:51,407 --> 00:00:53,389
The chili contest is now.
23
00:00:53,391 --> 00:00:54,932
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
24
00:00:54,934 --> 00:00:56,994
You'll have to let it go. He's a novice.
25
00:00:56,996 --> 00:00:59,070
He hasn't won it four times, you know?
26
00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:00,414
When you win it that many times,
27
00:01:00,416 --> 00:01:04,192
you realize the contest
actually... comes to you.
28
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,861
He may be a novice, but as I recall...
29
00:01:06,863 --> 00:01:09,781
Chuck won the Golden Apron last year.
30
00:01:09,783 --> 00:01:12,116
Wait a minute, Joe.
31
00:01:12,118 --> 00:01:14,844
If I won last year,
32
00:01:14,846 --> 00:01:17,697
why-why, that would
mean that Baxter lost.
33
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:18,748
Oh-ho-ho!
34
00:01:18,750 --> 00:01:20,241
Which is something
35
00:01:20,243 --> 00:01:22,560
he's gonna have to live with
for the rest of his life.
36
00:01:22,562 --> 00:01:23,920
Yeah? Yeah?
37
00:01:23,922 --> 00:01:26,064
Those judges all reeked of bourbon.
38
00:01:27,192 --> 00:01:28,850
Everybody thought that your chili
39
00:01:28,852 --> 00:01:31,695
tasted like bad meat
just drenched in ketchup.
40
00:01:32,689 --> 00:01:34,222
Sorry.
41
00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,548
Okay. Okay.
42
00:01:35,550 --> 00:01:38,910
Uh, the twist for this year is:
43
00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:42,684
all of the chili needs
to be Asian-influenced.
44
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,191
- Oh.
- I love these twists.
45
00:01:45,193 --> 00:01:48,427
Ah. When I won my, uh,
second... or was it third?...
46
00:01:48,429 --> 00:01:50,029
maybe the fourth time I won,
47
00:01:50,031 --> 00:01:52,123
we had to use pork shoulder.
48
00:01:52,125 --> 00:01:55,451
So my kitchen just
had that delicate aroma
49
00:01:55,453 --> 00:01:59,214
of boiled tomatoes
and pulled pork shank.
50
00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:08,169
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
51
00:02:10,635 --> 00:02:12,760
Hey, Jen. What are you up to?
52
00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:16,055
Uh, studying for my AP History exam.
53
00:02:16,057 --> 00:02:17,997
Boy, that Genghis Khan,
54
00:02:17,999 --> 00:02:19,841
- what a Grumpy Gus.
- Yeah.
55
00:02:20,854 --> 00:02:22,579
And a Pillaging Pete.
56
00:02:23,557 --> 00:02:25,116
Well, I'm sure you'll do well.
57
00:02:25,118 --> 00:02:28,377
You actually excel at
anything you put your mind to.
58
00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:30,921
What do you want?
59
00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,828
Chili cook-off is coming
up, and it's an Asian theme.
60
00:02:35,830 --> 00:02:37,243
And I was thinking...
61
00:02:37,245 --> 00:02:39,120
remember the other night
you gave us that Chinese dish
62
00:02:39,122 --> 00:02:40,921
with that unbelievably good smoked pork?
63
00:02:40,923 --> 00:02:42,974
I wonder if you could just
give me the recipe for that?
64
00:02:42,976 --> 00:02:44,834
You mean my family's recipe
65
00:02:44,836 --> 00:02:47,187
that we've kept secret for 200 years?
66
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,691
Give it to me.
67
00:02:51,810 --> 00:02:53,426
Interesting.
68
00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,404
You need some information
69
00:02:55,406 --> 00:02:59,116
and I happen to have said information.
70
00:03:03,062 --> 00:03:05,438
Maybe we could come up with a...
71
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,607
mutually beneficial transaction?
72
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,150
A little, uh...
73
00:03:09,152 --> 00:03:11,920
quid pro ro, if you will.
74
00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:14,756
Ro is Chinese for meat.
75
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,565
I wonder what Chinese is
76
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:21,087
for "get your feet off the damn table".
77
00:03:21,089 --> 00:03:25,398
Okay, the National Spelling
Bee is on this whole week,
78
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,169
and I need to record
it on your DVR. Deal?
79
00:03:28,171 --> 00:03:30,671
Quid pro no.
80
00:03:30,673 --> 00:03:33,424
I just have the one DVR, and it's full.
81
00:03:33,426 --> 00:03:36,243
Full of old stuff. Who
the heck is Matlock,
82
00:03:36,245 --> 00:03:38,980
and why do you need 20 hours of him?
83
00:03:38,982 --> 00:03:42,308
He's the best country lawyer ever,
84
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:45,871
and he's dead, and they're
not making any more like him.
85
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:47,146
Well...
86
00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:49,816
good luck in your...
87
00:03:49,818 --> 00:03:52,294
Tournament of Meat, or whatever.
88
00:03:54,489 --> 00:03:57,332
All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.
89
00:03:57,334 --> 00:03:59,919
Goodbye, Matlock.
90
00:03:59,921 --> 00:04:01,777
Nobody looked better
91
00:04:01,779 --> 00:04:04,473
in a seersucker powder
blue suit than you.
92
00:04:06,295 --> 00:04:08,476
_
93
00:04:08,478 --> 00:04:10,617
I don't know what it is about tapas,
94
00:04:10,619 --> 00:04:13,464
but it is the only thing this
baby doesn't toss back up.
95
00:04:13,466 --> 00:04:15,827
Well, that is because it's delicious.
96
00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:18,486
Or, as they would thay in Barthelona,
97
00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:19,846
delith-ioth.
98
00:04:19,848 --> 00:04:23,057
Mom, that accent is
so good I can feel it.
99
00:04:23,059 --> 00:04:24,818
I'm sorry.
100
00:04:24,820 --> 00:04:27,436
You know, I just... I just
love our weekly get-togethers.
101
00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:29,289
You know, what we need is more...
102
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:30,749
thangria.
103
00:04:32,986 --> 00:04:35,575
- Mom's the best.
- She's the greatest.
104
00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:37,506
We have to stop these weekly lunches.
105
00:04:37,508 --> 00:04:40,567
I know. I mean, I love
Mom's sangria dance
106
00:04:40,569 --> 00:04:42,967
as much as anyone else, but every week?
107
00:04:42,969 --> 00:04:44,770
I'm swamped with work right now.
108
00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:47,164
Me too. And I'm pregnant.
I should be spending
109
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:50,126
all of my free time in a bathtub.
110
00:04:50,128 --> 00:04:51,510
So, wait, what are we gonna do?
111
00:04:51,512 --> 00:04:52,612
I have an idea.
112
00:04:52,614 --> 00:04:54,097
- Uh, just play along.
- No, no. But I don't know
113
00:04:54,099 --> 00:04:55,390
what you're doing...
I'm not good at this.
114
00:04:55,392 --> 00:04:57,767
Guys, guys, guys, uh, is it me,
115
00:04:57,769 --> 00:05:00,862
or does our waiter look
just like Antonio Banderas?
116
00:05:01,857 --> 00:05:05,099
It's the sangria goggles. Mm.
117
00:05:05,101 --> 00:05:07,151
Uh, hey, Mom, Mandy
and I were just talking
118
00:05:07,153 --> 00:05:09,353
- about how much we love these weekly lunches.
- Oh...
119
00:05:09,355 --> 00:05:11,791
She was talking.
I was just playing along.
120
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,157
But, uh...
121
00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:16,068
... sadly, there are two
people who feel left out.
122
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,111
Really? Who?
123
00:05:17,113 --> 00:05:18,321
Ryan and Kyle.
124
00:05:18,323 --> 00:05:19,956
- Hmm.
- They really miss seeing you.
125
00:05:19,958 --> 00:05:22,375
I-I bet they would love to
have lunch with you, too.
126
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:25,119
Yes. That's it. I love this now.
127
00:05:25,121 --> 00:05:27,955
Well, that is... That
is really sweet, Kris.
128
00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:30,082
Why don't you guys bring
'em along next time?
129
00:05:30,084 --> 00:05:32,043
- No.
- What she means is,
130
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:33,836
uh, no...
131
00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:36,672
they should have you all to themselves.
132
00:05:36,674 --> 00:05:40,235
That's what I mean 100%.
133
00:05:40,237 --> 00:05:43,313
Oh, I see. Um, okay.
134
00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,504
Well, you know, next time
it'll just be me and the boys.
135
00:05:46,506 --> 00:05:47,609
Cool.
136
00:05:47,611 --> 00:05:51,362
Oh, grathiath, Antonio.
137
00:05:54,004 --> 00:05:55,542
♪ Sangria! ♪
138
00:06:00,073 --> 00:06:02,573
Get 'em while they're
hot. And they are hot.
139
00:06:02,575 --> 00:06:05,743
I like to call this Baxter's
Chili Chili Bang Bang.
140
00:06:05,745 --> 00:06:07,827
Hmm. All right.
141
00:06:07,829 --> 00:06:09,163
- Here we go. Thank you.
- Buh, buh, buh, buh!
142
00:06:09,165 --> 00:06:10,423
Just one per customer,
143
00:06:10,425 --> 00:06:12,166
just enough to haunt you in your dreams,
144
00:06:12,168 --> 00:06:13,968
- get you begging for more.
- Okay.
145
00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:16,061
Just settle down, Mike.
146
00:06:16,063 --> 00:06:18,726
This is chili, not
Sophia Loren, all right?
147
00:06:18,728 --> 00:06:21,017
For God's sake. Huh,
what's the big deal?
148
00:06:21,019 --> 00:06:23,636
It's just... just a...
149
00:06:23,638 --> 00:06:25,179
Damn!
150
00:06:25,181 --> 00:06:26,689
Oh-ho-hoo!
151
00:06:26,691 --> 00:06:29,934
This is Sophia Loren
and Gina Lollobrigida.
152
00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:31,936
Yes, sir. Mmm.
153
00:06:31,938 --> 00:06:35,439
All swirled together in one tiny cup.
154
00:06:35,441 --> 00:06:37,441
Oh, boy, that's good. Boy, that's good.
155
00:06:37,443 --> 00:06:39,586
But it's more...
156
00:06:39,588 --> 00:06:41,546
Margaret Thatcher and Madame Curie.
157
00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:45,658
I like 'em tough and brainy, you know?
158
00:06:45,660 --> 00:06:48,494
What are you up to with
these samples, Baxter?
159
00:06:48,496 --> 00:06:49,745
Well, I made too much last night.
160
00:06:49,747 --> 00:06:51,239
I wasn't gonna throw it out.
161
00:06:51,241 --> 00:06:54,208
I mean, would Michelangelo
toss it away if he sculpted
162
00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:56,210
too much David?
163
00:06:56,212 --> 00:06:58,421
I've seen that statue, Mikey.
164
00:06:58,423 --> 00:07:01,890
Believe me, he did not sculpt too much.
165
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:03,092
- Give it a shot.
- Mm-hmm.
166
00:07:03,094 --> 00:07:04,116
See what it tastes like
167
00:07:04,118 --> 00:07:05,344
when you don't get your recipe
168
00:07:05,346 --> 00:07:06,721
off the back of a ketchup bottle.
169
00:07:06,723 --> 00:07:08,389
Hey, hey, don't knock ketchup.
170
00:07:08,391 --> 00:07:11,368
In a pinch, it makes a great hair gel.
171
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:15,229
You know what I say about this, Baxter?
172
00:07:15,231 --> 00:07:16,447
Here it comes.
173
00:07:16,449 --> 00:07:19,358
- It's fantastic!
- Yeah.
174
00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,373
What? Don't mock me with your praise.
175
00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:22,578
I will not be praise-mocked.
176
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:24,872
No, no... no, no, I'm
serious. This time, you...
177
00:07:24,874 --> 00:07:27,908
you really brought your A game.
178
00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:30,411
Yeah. The only thing that would
make this more delicious is
179
00:07:30,413 --> 00:07:32,666
- watching you go down in flames.
- Mm.
180
00:07:32,668 --> 00:07:35,066
Unfortunately, that is not gonna happen.
181
00:07:35,068 --> 00:07:36,810
- Oh, yeah, I think it will.
- Because I'm dropping out.
182
00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:38,228
Oh, yeah. What?
183
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,757
This chili made you drop out?
184
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,486
I should send this to Bernie Sanders.
185
00:07:52,351 --> 00:07:54,769
What do you mean you're
dropping out? You can't quit.
186
00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:57,472
I'm not. I'm retiring as champion.
187
00:07:57,474 --> 00:07:58,579
- Wh-what?
- And to tell you the truth,
188
00:07:58,581 --> 00:08:00,274
I only stayed in this long to, you know,
189
00:08:00,276 --> 00:08:02,068
motivate you to raise your game.
190
00:08:02,070 --> 00:08:05,193
You know what you remind
me of is old canned chili.
191
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,007
Gassy and full of beans.
192
00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:09,241
- Hey, you got to admit, Baxter, it worked.
- What?
193
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:11,419
Last year's chili was... meh.
194
00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:13,763
But this is meh-nificent.
195
00:08:16,949 --> 00:08:18,796
The only reason you're dropping out
196
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,252
is you don't think you can beat me.
197
00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:21,420
You know... you know,
198
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:23,005
you're what I would never put in chili.
199
00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,066
- Hmm?
- Chicken.
200
00:08:25,068 --> 00:08:27,694
Why are you so upset?
201
00:08:27,696 --> 00:08:29,970
With me out, you're a slam dunk to win.
202
00:08:29,972 --> 00:08:32,538
You kn-you know... you
remember when Frazier quit?
203
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:35,434
Ali only had to fight Trevor Berbick.
204
00:08:35,436 --> 00:08:36,977
Who cares if you beat a dude
205
00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,855
named Trevor?
206
00:08:39,857 --> 00:08:42,492
- I don't care what you say, I'm done.
- No, you're not done.
207
00:08:42,494 --> 00:08:44,584
- No, no, no. And unlike the champ...
- No, no, no.
208
00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:45,876
... I'm going out on top.
209
00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:47,571
I don't buy it. You're not a quitter.
210
00:08:47,573 --> 00:08:49,031
He's not a quitter. He doesn't quit.
211
00:08:49,033 --> 00:08:51,867
Except golf. He should quit that.
212
00:08:51,869 --> 00:08:54,453
Hey, I-I got a question.
213
00:08:54,455 --> 00:08:56,172
If it's hot...
214
00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:59,291
why do they call it chili?
215
00:08:59,293 --> 00:09:03,045
You're a deep thinker, Joe.
216
00:09:03,047 --> 00:09:05,397
Probably why you're such
good friends with Chuck.
217
00:09:05,399 --> 00:09:06,572
Oh, yeah, we're really close.
218
00:09:06,574 --> 00:09:09,630
In fact, he doesn't know it,
but he's godfather to my cats.
219
00:09:10,530 --> 00:09:12,210
That's why I'm gonna
have you do something
220
00:09:12,212 --> 00:09:13,305
no one would suspect.
221
00:09:13,307 --> 00:09:15,775
I'm gonna have you
gather some intelligence.
222
00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:18,111
Okay.
223
00:09:18,113 --> 00:09:21,581
And while you're at it,
gather some for yourself.
224
00:09:27,015 --> 00:09:28,454
- This place is great.
- Yeah.
225
00:09:28,456 --> 00:09:29,864
And the gazpacho was,
226
00:09:29,866 --> 00:09:31,657
to quote my favorite mother-in-law,
227
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:34,160
"delith-ioth".
228
00:09:34,162 --> 00:09:36,846
Well, I am glad you enjoyed it.
229
00:09:36,848 --> 00:09:39,048
You know, what a great
idea the girls had, huh?
230
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:42,018
Yeah. Turns out I love
tapas. I'm so relieved.
231
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:44,187
I thought Mandy said, "Mom
wants to take you and Ryan
232
00:09:44,189 --> 00:09:46,523
to a... topless bar".
233
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:49,981
And yet you showed up.
234
00:09:56,785 --> 00:10:00,769
So, Ryan... talk.
235
00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:03,606
Uh, well, it is really nice
getting out of the house.
236
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:06,200
- Kris has been a little...
- Oh, hey, dude,
237
00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:08,535
it's not polite to complain
about your wife
238
00:10:08,537 --> 00:10:09,653
to her mother.
239
00:10:09,655 --> 00:10:11,488
Have you even read Emily Post?
240
00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,324
No, no, no, no, no. That's okay, Kyle.
241
00:10:13,326 --> 00:10:14,834
Look, I raised Kristin,
242
00:10:14,836 --> 00:10:16,702
so I know exactly what
Ryan's dealing with.
243
00:10:16,704 --> 00:10:18,424
You-you dish, girlfriend.
244
00:10:19,757 --> 00:10:23,334
Okay, it's just... the
mornings are particularly hard.
245
00:10:23,336 --> 00:10:24,769
You know, Kris can be just...
246
00:10:24,771 --> 00:10:26,003
- A total monster? Yeah, yeah.
- Yes.
247
00:10:26,005 --> 00:10:28,306
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She needs an hour
248
00:10:28,308 --> 00:10:30,108
before she becomes a human being again.
249
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,601
- Yes.
- I know.
250
00:10:31,603 --> 00:10:33,144
I finally feel heard.
251
00:10:33,146 --> 00:10:35,261
You know, Mike and I used
to have a nickname for her
252
00:10:35,263 --> 00:10:36,323
when she was a girl.
253
00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:38,482
We called her "Partly Cloudy".
254
00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,697
Why?
255
00:10:45,699 --> 00:10:49,265
Well, because it would take
forever for the sun to come out.
256
00:10:49,267 --> 00:10:50,444
Oh.
257
00:10:50,446 --> 00:10:52,920
- Yeah.
- Oh, Emily Post is wrong.
258
00:10:52,922 --> 00:10:54,716
Gossiping is a hoot.
259
00:10:54,718 --> 00:10:56,283
Do Mandy now.
260
00:10:56,285 --> 00:10:57,618
- Oh, yeah.
- Of course.
261
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:59,828
Ah, ooh. But first...
262
00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:02,640
♪ Sangria! ♪
263
00:11:06,003 --> 00:11:09,089
Greetings, my good sir.
264
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:11,698
What's with the old-timey talk?
265
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:13,723
Oh, it's just something
I'm experimenting with.
266
00:11:13,725 --> 00:11:17,012
I always felt I was meant
to live in a bygone era.
267
00:11:17,014 --> 00:11:20,283
Probably, 'cause you sure
weren't meant for this one.
268
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:23,912
Hey, be nice to me. I got your intel.
269
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,789
Or as the French call it, "information".
270
00:11:28,609 --> 00:11:31,341
No, they don't.
271
00:11:31,343 --> 00:11:33,783
So, what's going on? I-I suspect
272
00:11:33,785 --> 00:11:35,882
he's working on a secret
recipe. Is that what it is?
273
00:11:35,884 --> 00:11:37,992
No. No, he's definitely out
of it. I've confirmed it.
274
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,645
Well, what's he doing?
275
00:11:39,647 --> 00:11:42,450
Look, I don't want to betray
Chuck's confidence, okay?
276
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,335
I mean, who's gonna take
care of my cats when I'm gone?
277
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:47,677
Joe, they're cats.
278
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,227
They're all just counting
the minutes until we die.
279
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:52,690
Spill it.
280
00:11:52,692 --> 00:11:56,264
Okay, okay. A couple of months
ago, Chuck had an angioplasty.
281
00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:58,297
Really?
282
00:11:58,299 --> 00:12:00,113
Well, why didn't he say that?
283
00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:03,159
Oh, I don't know. Why do
you think, Mr. "Bwok-bwok"?
284
00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:05,978
Luckily, it was just a partial blockage,
285
00:12:05,980 --> 00:12:07,446
and he's just gonna change his diet.
286
00:12:07,448 --> 00:12:11,358
So certainly no more of
his great double-meat chili
287
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,544
with all that bacon and
nacho cheese in it, huh?
288
00:12:13,546 --> 00:12:16,405
Apparently. I guess
that's bad for you, huh?
289
00:12:16,407 --> 00:12:18,073
Oh, it's bad for you.
290
00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:19,366
You know how I know?
291
00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:21,627
'Cause it's delicious.
292
00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:23,537
You know, his dad died of heart disease.
293
00:12:23,539 --> 00:12:25,706
- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.
294
00:12:25,708 --> 00:12:28,963
But, hey, Chuck's making
some changes to his lifestyle.
295
00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,150
He's gonna live a healthier life.
296
00:12:33,099 --> 00:12:35,132
You look a little nauseous.
297
00:12:35,134 --> 00:12:36,759
It's not nausea.
298
00:12:36,761 --> 00:12:38,844
It's-it's... it's worse.
299
00:12:38,846 --> 00:12:41,281
It's... empathy.
300
00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,939
So Chuck didn't say anything
to you about this heart problem?
301
00:12:50,941 --> 00:12:53,376
Yeah, well, to be honest,
I'm not quite sure.
302
00:12:53,378 --> 00:12:55,586
You know, my hearing's not
as good as it used to be.
303
00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:59,081
I just hope if he did, I
didn't say, "Great story!" Yeah.
304
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:01,881
Hey, we having a drink
before we head home?
305
00:13:01,883 --> 00:13:03,574
Yeah, we were just talking
about it. Do you want, uh,
306
00:13:03,576 --> 00:13:06,094
some carrot juice or just the
hot water with lemon in it?
307
00:13:06,096 --> 00:13:09,467
Oh. Joe told you?
308
00:13:09,469 --> 00:13:12,503
Yeah. Damn it, when were
you gonna say something?
309
00:13:12,505 --> 00:13:13,969
I was just waiting for a time
310
00:13:13,971 --> 00:13:16,465
when I was in the mood
to be savagely mocked.
311
00:13:16,467 --> 00:13:19,444
Really? You think I'd make
fun of something this serious?
312
00:13:21,138 --> 00:13:22,721
Right. Right.
313
00:13:22,723 --> 00:13:24,723
This isn't like my golf game
314
00:13:24,725 --> 00:13:26,887
or my turtleneck sweaters
315
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:28,811
or the hundred other
things you ride me about.
316
00:13:28,813 --> 00:13:31,814
This is about mortality,
Mike. This is about
317
00:13:31,816 --> 00:13:34,733
me coming to grips with
the idea that I could die.
318
00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:36,502
Great story!
319
00:13:37,571 --> 00:13:40,781
Ed, lean in a little closer.
320
00:13:40,783 --> 00:13:44,304
So after the procedure,
are you okay now?
321
00:13:44,306 --> 00:13:46,328
Oh, yeah, and I plan
on staying that way.
322
00:13:46,330 --> 00:13:48,831
I'm eating better, getting
exercise. I feel great.
323
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:50,165
Good for you.
324
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:52,292
Who cares if anyone mocks you?
325
00:13:52,294 --> 00:13:55,638
Yeah, you know, three nights
a week, Bonnie and I go vegan.
326
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:59,192
So three nights a week,
you don't eat anything?
327
00:14:00,219 --> 00:14:02,143
What about you, Baxter?
328
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,515
What are you doing to-to
fend off the Grim Reaper?
329
00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,849
I don't think of death
as the Grim Reaper.
330
00:14:06,851 --> 00:14:09,535
I think of death as a for-sure
way of keeping me from dancing.
331
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,330
Come on, Mikey.
332
00:14:12,332 --> 00:14:14,565
Chuck and I are opening
up. Show us you're human.
333
00:14:14,567 --> 00:14:16,334
Okay. Get this.
334
00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:19,173
- I've started meditating.
- Oh.
335
00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:21,113
Mike Baxter meditates!
336
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:26,135
He also owns a gun store.
337
00:14:26,137 --> 00:14:28,328
Okay.
338
00:14:28,330 --> 00:14:29,963
Why can't you still be in the contest
339
00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,564
and just not eat that stuff?
340
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:34,751
No way, man. When I started
making my test batch, it hit me.
341
00:14:34,753 --> 00:14:37,653
This does not fit into my new lifestyle.
342
00:14:37,655 --> 00:14:38,797
I wish it could.
343
00:14:38,799 --> 00:14:41,216
You know, there are plenty
of vegan chili recipes. Yeah.
344
00:14:41,218 --> 00:14:43,469
Yeah. Bonnie just made
one the other night.
345
00:14:43,471 --> 00:14:44,979
Our dog loved it.
346
00:14:46,671 --> 00:14:48,652
You can't make a healthy chili
347
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:51,339
that can compete with the
kind that will kill you.
348
00:14:52,914 --> 00:14:55,022
You can't.
349
00:14:55,024 --> 00:14:56,607
What are you saying, Baxter?
350
00:14:56,609 --> 00:14:58,188
I'm saying, the next best thing
351
00:14:58,190 --> 00:15:00,128
to whipping your butt in a competition
352
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,464
is dragging you with me
into the winner's circle.
353
00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:09,328
Oh. Hey, it's my girls.
354
00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:11,121
What a nice surprise.
355
00:15:11,123 --> 00:15:13,499
Oh, this beautiful day just got better.
356
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:16,084
Really, Mom? Is it a beautiful day?
357
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:17,903
You sure it's not partly cloudy?
358
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:23,234
Yeah, with a chance of
Princess Poopy Pants?
359
00:15:25,155 --> 00:15:28,055
Sorry, but my nickname
doesn't have a weather theme.
360
00:15:28,057 --> 00:15:30,382
I see. You are upset
361
00:15:30,384 --> 00:15:33,200
because I shared some childhood
nicknames with your husbands.
362
00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:35,365
Yeah. Nicknames that
probably should have stayed
363
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,822
within the family, Mom.
364
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:39,229
So Kyle and Ryan aren't family?
365
00:15:39,231 --> 00:15:42,870
No. They are just two
guys with strong genes
366
00:15:42,872 --> 00:15:44,872
we dragged home to
mate with. It's science.
367
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:48,468
Yeah, they're in-laws.
368
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,386
We're... laws.
369
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:53,306
All right, well, I'm sorry.
370
00:15:53,308 --> 00:15:56,041
I will try to be less
gabby with your husbands
371
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,019
the next time you both want to ditch me.
372
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:00,804
What?
373
00:16:00,806 --> 00:16:04,341
Mom, no. God, we would never ditch you.
374
00:16:04,343 --> 00:16:07,456
Yeah, especially if we knew
we were gonna get caught.
375
00:16:07,458 --> 00:16:10,148
Look, Mom, I'm really sorry,
376
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,713
but we're both really busy right now.
377
00:16:11,715 --> 00:16:13,058
Well, that's fine.
378
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,102
You know what? You
could have just told me.
379
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,145
We don't have to have lunch every week.
380
00:16:17,147 --> 00:16:18,560
You're not gonna hurt my feelings.
381
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:19,940
We're all adults here.
382
00:16:19,942 --> 00:16:23,310
Even you, Princess Poopy Pants.
383
00:16:23,312 --> 00:16:26,895
Okay, well, in that case,
I-I can't do lunch next week,
384
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,646
and the week after is iffy.
385
00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:31,451
Yeah, same. I'm just...
I'm really swamped.
386
00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:33,353
Okay. Okay. Well, you know what?
387
00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:35,652
Thanks for telling me. See?
388
00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:37,925
It didn't kill me.
389
00:16:37,927 --> 00:16:40,019
But... but I am wounded.
390
00:16:40,021 --> 00:16:42,713
Because, you know,
391
00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:45,340
I'm only the woman who...
392
00:16:45,342 --> 00:16:47,193
gave you both life.
393
00:16:49,330 --> 00:16:51,186
There she goes.
394
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:53,372
Melodramatic Martha.
395
00:16:58,230 --> 00:16:59,730
- Hey.
- Uh.
396
00:16:59,732 --> 00:17:02,024
Sorry I'm late. I was watching TV.
397
00:17:02,026 --> 00:17:05,494
You were right. Matlock is great!
398
00:17:05,496 --> 00:17:07,720
"I'd sooner eat a live chicken
399
00:17:07,722 --> 00:17:09,740
than be your lawyer!"
400
00:17:09,742 --> 00:17:12,376
"The Debt", season seven.
401
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:15,714
Is the contest over?
402
00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:16,757
- Who won?
- I don't know.
403
00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:18,966
Oh, uh, Kristin's, uh, tallying
up the votes right now,
404
00:17:18,968 --> 00:17:20,976
but to tell you the truth, I think
405
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:23,337
Baxter and I have a pretty good
chance of winning this thing.
406
00:17:23,339 --> 00:17:25,179
- You're working together?
- Yeah.
407
00:17:25,181 --> 00:17:28,216
What the ding-dang-dog is going on here?
408
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:31,341
- You've had enough Matlock.
- Yeah, it-it was actually
409
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,096
- Baxter's idea for us to work together.
- Yeah.
410
00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:35,515
We came up with one
amazing batch, which we call
411
00:17:35,517 --> 00:17:37,976
- "Chili Chili Bwok Bwok".
- That's right.
412
00:17:37,978 --> 00:17:40,437
- Okay, everyone.
- All right.
413
00:17:40,439 --> 00:17:42,522
The results for the
chili contest are in,
414
00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,066
and the winner is...
415
00:17:44,068 --> 00:17:45,863
Oh, God, so much pork in the air.
416
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:47,778
Uh...
417
00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:51,406
Joe Leonard and his Seven-Meat Chili.
418
00:17:51,408 --> 00:17:52,842
- Hey.
- What?
419
00:17:54,411 --> 00:17:55,761
Yeah.
420
00:17:55,763 --> 00:17:58,139
- Oh, thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
421
00:17:58,141 --> 00:18:00,290
Well, put my leg in a tea kettle.
422
00:18:00,292 --> 00:18:02,393
Justice has not been served.
423
00:18:03,754 --> 00:18:06,570
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
424
00:18:06,572 --> 00:18:10,064
If I won, that means you two lost,
425
00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,644
which is... something
you'll have to live with
426
00:18:12,646 --> 00:18:14,262
for the rest of your lives.
427
00:18:14,264 --> 00:18:16,640
How the hell did you win this?
428
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:19,559
Yeah, the only thing you
know how to make is cat food.
429
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:21,728
- And tell me that's not the seventh meat.
- No, no.
430
00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:24,481
I just wrote down all the
foods people shouldn't eat,
431
00:18:24,483 --> 00:18:25,958
and I put it in the pot.
432
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,235
- What about the Asian theme?
- Yeah.
433
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:31,363
I threw in some of my
old soy sauce packets.
434
00:18:31,365 --> 00:18:33,457
Uh, some of them from the '90s.
435
00:18:33,459 --> 00:18:36,802
The name "Chun King" ring a bell?
436
00:18:36,804 --> 00:18:38,954
Hold on, everyone.
437
00:18:38,956 --> 00:18:41,493
Uh, since I currently
find pork disgusting,
438
00:18:41,495 --> 00:18:45,168
I am offering a spot on the
menu for a healthier option.
439
00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:47,959
Congratulations, Mike
Baxter and Chuck Larabee.
440
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,758
Hey. Yes!
441
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,927
Now if you'll excuse
me, I need to go outside
442
00:18:53,929 --> 00:18:55,738
and vomit into a bush.
443
00:18:57,632 --> 00:18:59,229
Looks like we're both winners.
444
00:18:59,231 --> 00:19:00,540
Yeah, man.
445
00:19:00,542 --> 00:19:02,972
I know I say "not cool" a lot,
446
00:19:02,974 --> 00:19:04,813
but cool.
447
00:19:04,815 --> 00:19:06,540
- Thanks for doing this with me, Baxter.
- Yeah.
448
00:19:06,542 --> 00:19:09,067
I mean... you got a good heart.
449
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,600
Nah. I got to be honest with you.
450
00:19:10,602 --> 00:19:13,418
I actually physically
do not have a heart.
451
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:16,217
That's why I can eat
whatever I want to eat.
452
00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,653
Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man,
453
00:19:25,655 --> 00:19:26,936
where we don't just sell gear.
454
00:19:26,938 --> 00:19:28,170
We sell a way of life.
455
00:19:28,172 --> 00:19:30,881
And you know the one thing
you need more than anything
456
00:19:30,883 --> 00:19:33,216
to enjoy our outdoor way of life?
457
00:19:33,218 --> 00:19:35,552
Life.
458
00:19:35,554 --> 00:19:37,596
Yep, if you're dead,
459
00:19:37,598 --> 00:19:40,107
you just won't appreciate all
the cool stuff we have to offer.
460
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,151
Or the amazing discounts.
461
00:19:42,153 --> 00:19:43,594
The only good thing about death...
462
00:19:43,596 --> 00:19:46,288
you don't got to pay taxes.
463
00:19:46,290 --> 00:19:47,981
Well, I guess you actually do.
464
00:19:47,983 --> 00:19:49,383
There's the death tax, isn't there?
465
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,695
Damn it. Some of the things
that make life worth living
466
00:19:53,697 --> 00:19:56,281
can actually make our lives
a little or a lot shorter.
467
00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:59,418
For each of these things, you
got to decide, is it worth it?
468
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:01,606
Now, sure, riding a
motorcycle without a helmet
469
00:20:01,608 --> 00:20:03,163
is a lot more fun than
squeezing your nugget
470
00:20:03,165 --> 00:20:05,382
into a carbon fiber bucket.
471
00:20:05,384 --> 00:20:08,251
Full helmet like the Wild Hogs,
472
00:20:08,253 --> 00:20:09,739
or wind blowing through your hair,
473
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,805
going full Captain America
in Easy Rider.
474
00:20:11,807 --> 00:20:14,612
Ooh. Good choice, but I like 'em both.
475
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,578
But then, you split lanes,
476
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:18,973
and the old lady in the
Oldsmobile Delta 88 decides
477
00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:20,555
to change lanes, too.
478
00:20:20,557 --> 00:20:22,048
You go over the handlebars.
You're thinking,
479
00:20:22,050 --> 00:20:24,401
"You know what would be fun
right now is that helmet!"
480
00:20:26,313 --> 00:20:28,822
You get older, you're forced
to give up more and more.
481
00:20:28,824 --> 00:20:30,824
Your doctor. Remember
those doctors you'd...
482
00:20:30,826 --> 00:20:33,735
- actually smoke with you?
- "You know, Bob..."
483
00:20:33,737 --> 00:20:36,988
"... you should give up
these lung darts. Wow".
484
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:38,990
You roll out of bed one morning.
485
00:20:38,992 --> 00:20:42,503
Your knees tell you to retire
from the annual 5K race.
486
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:45,824
And finally, finally,
they come for a man's grub.
487
00:20:45,826 --> 00:20:49,376
When did kale get a publicist?
488
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:52,862
They come for our belly-busted
food, comfort food.
489
00:20:52,864 --> 00:20:54,728
The German philosopher
Friedrich Nietzsche said,
490
00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:56,216
"Time is a flat circle".
491
00:20:56,218 --> 00:20:58,569
He believed time was an
endless loop like this,
492
00:20:58,571 --> 00:21:00,762
a repetition.
493
00:21:00,764 --> 00:21:04,408
Freddy, as I like to
call him, died at 55.
494
00:21:04,410 --> 00:21:07,152
So it didn't repeat very
long, did it, Friedrich, huh?
495
00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:09,152
Probably wished that
circle was a little wider,
496
00:21:09,154 --> 00:21:11,742
included one last bratwurst
and sausage, right?
497
00:21:11,744 --> 00:21:14,485
All the stuff we give
up as we get older,
498
00:21:14,487 --> 00:21:15,982
there's one thing
we're never quite ready
499
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,696
to part with is our friends.
500
00:21:17,698 --> 00:21:19,656
Studies show the more
time you spend with them
501
00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,218
being active in the outdoors,
the longer they'll live.
502
00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,962
And if you have a friend
who rides a motorcycle,
503
00:21:24,964 --> 00:21:27,139
buy him a helmet.
504
00:21:27,141 --> 00:21:29,875
We'd hate for you to lose a friend,
505
00:21:29,877 --> 00:21:31,560
or for me to lose a customer.
506
00:21:33,088 --> 00:21:35,147
Take care of yourselves. Baxter out.
507
00:21:38,319 --> 00:21:41,336
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37671
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
