Original subtitles

Any similarities in the events and characters of this film

and real-life are purely coincidental. Furthermore we would be left puzzled

because real-life is not as crazy or stimulating. The authors simply wanted to

reflect without pretensions the world of erotic dreams and the imaginations of

two couples that are sent into cinematic roles that border on pornography.

THE SEX IS CRAZY

Penis one!

Penis two!

Penis three!

Penis four!

Penis one!

Penis two!

Penis three!

Penis four!

Vagina one!

Vagina two!

Vagina three!

Vagina four!

Vagina one!

Vagina two!

Vagina, attention!

Attention!

Attention!

The session is commencing!

Captured earth women!

Captured earthling vagina!

Captured earthling vagina!

Captured earthling vagina!

The earthling vagina can be impregnated, with children for the planet Argolis.

Argolian vagina cannot be impregnated.

Vaginas and penises from Argolis are very evolved!

Fertilizing system, accelerated.

Penises prepared for the accelerated system.

Sex to delivery in nine seconds.

Sex to delivery in nine seconds!

Penises set to launch!

Captured earthling vagina! - Penises prepared for...

Captured earthling vaginal -... accelerated. Sex to delivery...

The earthling vagina can be impregnated with children

for the planet Argolis! - Prepared for accelerated system.

Argolian vaginas cannot be impregnated. -... Nine seconds... Penises ready for...

Vaginas and penises from Argolis are very evolved. -... In position for launch...

Penises ready! - Fertilizing system accelerated.

Vaginas and penises from Argolis are very evolved! - Sex to delivery...

Fertilizing system accelerated.

Sex to delivery in nine seconds.

Penises set to launch!

Sex to delivery in nine seconds.

Penises set to launch!

Ready to operatel - To operate!

Penis one, ready to operate!

Ready to operatel - Ready to operate!

Let's begin.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine... - Nine...

Child! - Child!

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Child! - Child!

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Child! - Child!

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Eight...

Nine...

Child! - Child!

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five...

Six...

Seven...

Child! - Child!

Wow. A seven second baby.

Penis five!

Penis six!

Penis seven!

Set to launch!

Here is one that has gone too long.

They don't do it too bad, for aliens.

It's too bad that they look so weird.

We now present you...

Manolita...

Castafuelal - Shit! A folk legend!

Spencer, you have some valuable hands!

What are you telling me?

1 thought you liked other things more.

Before, you were calling me the golden penis.

Don't tell me those things!

Do you think that she'll fall for the trap?

Of course!

The way she looked at you when you made love to Flanagan...

Will you be long?

I also have the right to make myself look pretty.

What do you mean, "you also"?

You know very well what I mean!

You hooked up with Dorothy again today!

Me?

Like a good professional...

This one must be very professional too then,

because this morning it was king sized!

They pay us for that. A half-assed show is not a show.

Yeah, yeah...

Just keep on being jealous... It's ridiculous for you to be jealous, doll.

Oh, you think it's ridiculous, eh?

Since we've been together, I've only been with girls during the show.

I love you...

1 promise you.

Cut! Again Flanagan, and this time be more happy, more pleasant... both of you!

Hello! Will you be long?

I have the right to make myself look pretty, also.

What do you mean, "you also"?

You know very well what I mean! You hooked up with Dorothy again today!

Who me?

Like a professional!

This one must be very professional too, then!

They pay us for that. A half-assed show is not a show.

Just keep on being jealous... It's ridiculous for you to be jealous, doll.

Oh, you think it's ridiculous, eh?

Of course! Since we've been together, I've only been with fifteen or twenty.

We will now introduce you to Rosalinda.

She has nothing to do with this movie, but because she is the director's girifriend,

We've happily given her a good role.

I'm tired of that bitch!

But if they keep impregnating me...

One day, I'll grab my Colt. 45. .

Remember my days in Tucson City as I push the gun into his chest...

and then I'll squeeze the trigger and...

That bastard...

You frighten me, my beautiful Dorothy - You were always a wuss, Spencer.

You knew that from the start.

I was just a little employee in Minnesota,

until you appeared.

I warn you, if you want your autonomy back someday, it means nothing to me!

Don't tell me that!

I can't...

...live without you!

1 would have to go back defeated!

To Minnesota!

Oh, if only your admirers could see you,

they couldn't even imagine having sex with you...

In the intimacy of the home.

You are so sweet...

It costs more, each time we to go to the laundromat!

We'll have to start washing our own clothes.

You're not going out, right?

I wanted to buy ten minutes.

Let's make a baby! - Agreed...

but first a little glass of white wine from California.

My aunt Felicia sent it to me from the farm.

It's a little bit effervescent.

To us.

This will put her to sleep for a few hours.

The coast is clear!

Sleeping pills have never been enough for me, Flanagan.

We now present you: Rosalinda,

the director's girlfriend, whom is improving her acting day by day.

Taxi! Taxil

Taxil

Follow that car!

Okay, let's start. I haven't eaten dinner yet.

All right. Hit me.

Give me alight.

Are you staying?

All or nothing.

You'll put me in house, because I'm blind.

Let's talk about the little one. - She can be won over.

I pass. - Pass.

Garcilaso, you go. - I'll call.

And me.

Me too.

And I call rabbit.

My hand in the bank.

All or nothing.

Hey you, get started, she's coming!

Yes, yes...

Yes, yes...

Freeze!

Come on woman! I have a pair!

Are you lost, Flanagan?

What were you going to buy the ten minutes with, eh?

You see?

That's not true!

It was only an excuse for you to betray me!

Pain in the ass! Here we go again!

Let her be!

No. When she gets these jealousy attacks, she becomes insufferable.

Unbelievable!

I gave you the best years of my life, Flanagan.

Now everything is finished?

Could you leave us in peace?

Flanagan...

If you don't come with me, I'll kill you!

But woman, I have a pair!

Or I'll kill myself!

DO it...

How annoying! Hey, come here.

Have the Argentineans gotten here yet?

Well...

The Argentineans are... - Oh, yeah, yeah!

Flanagan...

Love me!

Here you go.

Look. There it is.

Let me gol Leave me alone!

What do you want from me? Let me go!

Listen, bitch!

Let me go!

Jerkl What were you doing at Baster's at midnight yesterday?

Baster's?

Who is Baster? - Yes, Baster!

We know exactly what he's paid you.

Nobody's paid me anything...

We're going to hit you if you don't tell us everything!

Imbecile! Are you going to sing?

Sing! Okay...

To the son of my life!

Stupid girl... - If you don't talk, you'll regret it.

Let's go, Varser.

Come here.

Faster!

You can go get changed.

That's good.

Should I continue? - Continue.

No... no...

No...

ll can't...

No, please...

I'm getting really dizzy...

No...

No!

No... - Where are the plans?

Plans? What plans? I don't know what plans you're talking about!

The ones for the air/ground submarine, stupid girl!

Listen, I don't understand anything about politics.

Oh, no?

What were you doing with the minister in the bathroom?

I can't tell you about that. Those are private things! I can't talk about...

Private matters, eh? Then why are you bothering your husband with jealousy,

then giving yourself to other men?

There are certain things that shouldn't be talked about in public...

You're a cynic. I'll come down at seven. - Sounds good, sounds good.

The Argentineans! Quickly!

Let's go ahead with it.

No...

No!

No...

If she doesn't talk, carve her without mercy.

Down there! Right on the pussy!

I don't know anything...

No...

No...

No...

There! There!

No...

No... No!

Like that!

No... No...

No...

Are you going to talk, you damn girl?

Where are the plans for the ground/air submarine?

Where? - I don't know anything!

You know everything! Where are they? - No! I don't know anything!

I don't know anything! - Yes!

Do you know if we have enough for a while? - I don't know...

One hour? - Maybe.

No!

No! Please! No!

Stab her! - No! No...

Stab her!

Fuck her with it!

I don't know anything! - Come on...

Nol I don't know anything! - Speak!

Prick her!

Prick her! More! More!

Prick her! - No! I don't know anything!

I don't know anything! - Speak!

1 don't know anything, please...

Nol - Therel

Prick her! - No!

Speak! Speak!

Speak! Prick her!

I don't know anything! - Yes!

Enough!

Enough!

You said that you could trust her, that she would never find out about us!

1 already did it.

Dear Flanagan.

Understand...

We had to be sure about her.

Marcia can know our secret, can't you see.

You've already made her suffer with your stupid suspicions!

Can I take her?

Of course!

Leave her, guys. You can go.

There you have her.

Marcia, my country iris!

Come here, Nina!

My love...

Everything is over now.

Did those damned people hurt you? - Yes.

She's hiding the secret!

What are you saying, Flanagan?

You didn't give her the plans, did you?

She's hiding the plans!

Let's see...

They were here...

Here they are, Spencer!

The plans for the submarine are in this microfilm!

My poor girl...

She's had them hidden for the past two months.

Do you see her sacrifice?

Excuse us boy, but we've had many bad experiences with the wives of spies.

I can't untie her. It's very hard!

Who tied this?

Why don't you call the firemen... - You did it last time...

Come here.

Come herel Somebody come here and get this.

Touch your own.

Come here, Martinez.

Look at this sexy thing!

Juanito, are you seeing this? - What's so special about that?

Juanito, you don't see? - No...

They're fucking!

Here is Rosalinda,

the director's girlfriend, in her first acting scene.

Do you hear them, Panchito? They're fucking!

That's good. May they make the best of it.

Leave that magazine alone, you bad boy! - What does it matter? Leave it alone!

What do you want?

The ones from before!

Hello! - Hello!

Come in.

Sit down, please.

We didn't want to show up at a bad time.

No, no, no...

Sit down, you're among friends - Of course! Sit down.

This is so surprising, Martinez! She's the girl that I've been seeing in my dreams.

But, what are you saying?

No, no... I had to say that line. - No...

It's in the screenplayl That's her linel - No.

Listen...

Did she or did I have to say that line?

Let's see.

No, Eusevia you have to look at her surprised, and confused,

but she is the one that says "that is the girl from my dreams”

Is it clear now, do you understand?

Yes. - Yes.

Okay. Let's go again. Again...

Should we start again? - Yes! Action!

Gutierrez! Look, it's the girl from my dreams!

What a charming couple!

Martinez. - Nice to meet you.

Mrs. Fonseca. - Delighted.

Hello, how are you? - Hello.

Take a seat please, and don't be shy.

Act as you would in your own home.

They're divine, no?

Yes, they look like a very nice couple.

I love them!

Oh Gutierrez!

They get along well.

I'm getting horny!

Oh Gutierrez, oh Gutierrez!

My treasure!

My love!

My love!

My life!

The Bull Plaza. The Bullfight.

Yes...

Yes...

Yes...

What can I do for you?

We hate to bother you, but we would like to get married.

Are any of you already married?

No...

No.

Well then, I don't see any problems.

Excuse me, I don't know if you understood right.

The four of us want to get married.

Mr. Martinez, do you take Ms. Gutierrez and Ms. Castel to be your wives?

1 do.

Ms. Castel, do you take Mr. Martinez and Mr. Gutierrez to be your husbands?

1 do.

Ms. Fonseca, do you take Mr. Gutierrez and Mr. Martinez to be your husbands?

1 do.

Mr. Gutierrez, do you take Ms. Fonseca and Ms. Castel to be your wives?

By the power invested in me, I now declare you husbands and wives.

Congratulations! We're married!

Here is Rosalinda,

the producer's girlfriend,

remembering excitedly her first role as a movie actress.

Paris Cafe

Do you want to try some, love?

Here, my dear.

You try some, love.

Thank you, love. - Taste how good this is!

How cute!

I'm going to see if I can buy the pink dress, because it's nice.

I like the other one more. What are we going to do?

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

What a life...

What's the matter?

I can't take it any more! 1 can't take it...

Are you already tired of marriage?

Sleeping with the same two girls every night...

It's true.

I've had it up to here!

I can't stand it...

Always with the same girls!

This can't be...

Bye!

This one looks like it could work out. Let's meet her!

Let's go!

Hey girl!

Girl...

What's wrong?

My husbands are messing around on me...

So they're doing it to me too...

Are you sure that you aren't mistaken?

Looks like we have to give ourselves to other men too.

Wow, its finished!

That was short, eh?

Of course. Everything good lasts a short while.

It's the end of the second episode.

Why do they end it when everything is heating up?

Obviously, so we buy the third episode.

I didn't know that they had such silly things on TV!

Look how they've evolved!I - It's not television, dear...

It's a video. - Video?

A videotape.

Tell me in simple language, Mrs. Ernarda.

Mrs. Bernarda...

is trying to say that she bought and put a tape in there herself.

Doesn't it embarrass you to put on those vulgarities, Mrs. Bernarda?

Who would believe it? She looks so innocent.

You can't trust appearances, young one.

Call me Cookie.

Okay, Cookie... You look like you could be...

A whore? Go ahead, say it. I like it!

She has a charming honesty about her.

You don't have to doubt that.

I call bread, bread, and wine, wine...

and I am more of a whore than hens.

1 open my legs whenever I need to.

A real find...

I congratulate you, my dear Flanagan.

To good times.

I'm not that good!

She's a box of surprises as well.

And she's very pretty.

She has a natural elegance.

You're going to make me blush.

I'm pretty hot eh? The boys like me!I

1 envy women that know how to attract men.

Anyone can do it...

You have to be a little crafty and know them,

so that you know where to attack them.

Some of them you just talk to,

some of them you use your lips on,

and some of them you get with your breasts, like little kids!

What would you say to Ms. Bernarda to enhance her beauty?

You're an expert - I don't know,

you look very good, but this dress is like a raincoat!

You have to show off the merchandise a little more...

What do you think?

You have to show a little of this and a little of that...

dress a little bit more lively... - You have a precious outfit! I love it

It cost me a fortune, but thanks to him, I got it!

Surely you must have something sexier than that, right?

It was designed in Paris.

Funny boys! I'm sure a faggot made it too!

How funny! It's true!

We'll see...

Do you both want me to make her over like new?

Personally, I would love that.

1 would too.

Make it happen.

Go on, don't be shy.

Let's go to your room. I'm going to make you sexier than me!

Onward Pygmalion.

Rascal! I don't know what you're up to but surely it must be a dirty trick!

Marvelous! Magnificent, Flanagan!

It's the most vulgar, rudest,

dumbest and miserable thing 1 have seen in all my life!

Yes...

It's what we needed.

Malevolent bitches, lowly whores, trash!

It makes me sick!

But the sword of our Father will fall on them all!

Over here,

over there,

here,

and there.

Come on, come on...

Hey, this is not bad at all, eh?

And this is a knockoutl - You're sweet...

You have beautiful skin. If you would take care of it...

You're a charmer.

You must be a phenomenal love maker...

You do what you can...

Surely you're not too bad yourself...

Do you like to make love with another woman?

Well, I suppose it depends...

Women are more soft. We are more tender than men.

Have you ever made love with another woman?

It's been a while, and she made a permanent mark on me.

You liked it, eh?

Maybe much less than 1 would like to right now, with you.

Curses!

Aren't you embarrassed?

What are you doing?

No... nothing. We were just here, chatting.

Damned woman...

Perverting my wife! - No... no...

No... - You deserve an exemplary punishment!

No... please... - Yes!

An exemplary punishment!

No...

Damned woman! - No...

Yes, an exemplary punishment!

No... no!

And here is Rosalinda, the producer's girlfriend, destined for stardom.

Get in there, bitch!

Where are you going?

Stupid!

Cucu...

fates...

Cucufates...

Going upl Going downl Going all around!

Cucufates! Cucufates!

And no one else...

Kiss the uncorrupted hand of Saint Cucufate of Maguncia.

And the skull of Catalina the Great...

Repeat with me...

Cucufate...

Cucufate...

Cucufate...

Cucufate...

Cucufate...

This sacred secret...

whose origins dated back to the ancient Adecia,

appears like a necessary reaction to the bad things of the world.

Cucufate of Meguncia.

Simple man,

covets a multinational society.

With a proclaimed love of order and correction...

comes back today to come back and modernize himself,

to fight against the plagues of society.

Our society celebrates annual meetings...

of its great symposium, and others more frequent...

to an autonomic level...

In these festivities,

a prostitute gets eliminated.

In these festivities, a prostitute gets eliminated.

Who did she say it to?

To my cousin, Belcebu and to Uncle Lucifer.

Who did she say it to?

To my cousin, Belcebu and to Uncle Lucifer.

Who did she say it to?

To my cousin, Belcebu and to Uncle Lucifer.

Who did she say it to?

To my cousin, Belcebu and to Uncle Lucifer.

Cucufates...

Cucufate.

Cu - Cu...

fates...

- Cufa

It's not so bad, but hopefully they're coming to pick me up.

Do you think that we'll give it today?

I don't know.

It's been the perfect mugging.

We've lost seven days in January, because of the national rifle.

The producers in the cabaret,

and us waiting for Bodo, like strangers in a train.

And what can you say about the escape from Gloria,

from Globi, from Samantha and Julia!

And us with the damned money, and thanks to Sabrina,

have made possible the last crazy thing about Mel Brooks taking off!

For me, everything has been a story of Oliver.

Since Friday the thirteenth,

he is considered one of the masters of the night.

It's a ghost.

Thank you for being a divorced woman,

and that the upcoming divorce will set you free.

Hello. - Hello.

Hello, flat nose. Can you take me?

It depends on where you're going. We're going to Timbuktu which is close by.

It works for me. Can I get in? - Yes, of course.

Can you stop for a second? I have to go pee...

And if you get out with me, we can play mom and dad.

How about that?

Careful...

Let's go.

We present to you, Rosalinda...

the ex-girlfriend of the producer,

that couldn't accept the marvelous role of Rosalinda,

in the scene playing mom and dad with the hero of the movie.

Spencer? Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

Spencer?

What are you doing here all alone, cutie?

In preparation for,

begin vagina one!

Vagina two!

Vagina three!

Penis one!

Penis two!

Penis three!

Apprehended earthling vagina,

to fertilize for the good of the galaxy!

Vagina...

Vagina...

Vagina...

Apprehended earthling vagina...

Apprehended earthling vagina...

The earthling vagina can fertilize children for the planet, Argolis.

Argolian vaginas cannot fertilize.

Argolian vaginas and penises are very evolved!

The fertilization system is accelerated.

Vagina one.

Vagina two.

Vagina three.

The End

English subtitles ripped and synched by suckmysound for cinemageddon.