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1
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:35,434
(MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,548
- (AIR HISSING)
- (GURGLING)
3
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,194
- (BUZZING)
- (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
4
00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,779
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
5
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,460
(BANGING)
6
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,168
(MUSIC PLAYING)
7
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,544
♪ On the edge ♪
♪ of outer space ♪
8
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,646
♪ Space, space, space ♪
9
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,715
♪ She's the one ♪
♪ with a serious face ♪
10
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,784
♪ Face, face, face ♪
♪ face, face ♪
11
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,154
♪ And I dropped in, ♪
♪ checked it out ♪
12
00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,322
♪ Alien girls ♪
♪ were all about ♪
13
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,291
♪ Eons since ♪
♪ I had a date ♪
14
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,528
♪ Another light-year's ♪
♪ too long to wait ♪
15
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,730
♪ Earth girls are easy ♪
16
00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:47,166
♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪
17
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,800
♪ Earth girls ♪
18
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,641
♪ Hey, those girls ♪
♪ are loads of fun ♪
19
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,609
♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun ♪
20
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,845
♪ Even hotter ♪
♪ than the sun ♪
21
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,614
♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪
22
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,683
♪ You know that I've had ♪
♪ lots of girls ♪
23
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,586
♪ Most of them ♪
♪ from other worlds ♪
24
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,721
♪ While trippin' through ♪
♪ the galaxy ♪
25
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,858
♪ The valley girls ♪
♪ are the ones for me ♪
26
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,227
♪ Earth girls are easy ♪
27
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,329
♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪
28
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,298
♪ Earth girls ♪
29
00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,994
♪ Earth girls ♪
30
00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:53,966
♪ Girls ♪
31
00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,468
♪ I've had lots of girls ♪
32
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,537
♪ Most of them ♪
♪ from other worlds ♪
33
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,739
♪ Eons since ♪
♪ I had a date ♪
34
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,675
♪ Another light-year's ♪
♪ too long to wait ♪
35
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,978
♪ Earth girls are easy ♪
36
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:08,347
♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪
37
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,315
♪ Earth girls ♪
38
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,753
♪ Earth girls are easy ♪
39
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,888
♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪
40
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,724
♪ Earth girls ♪
41
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,260
♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪
42
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,295
♪ So easy, so easy ♪
43
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,497
♪ Earth girls ♪
44
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,466
♪ Earth girls. ♪
45
00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:47,619
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
46
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:54,426
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
47
00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,032
- (DOOR OPENS)
- MAN: Valerie.
48
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:02,067
(MEOWS)
49
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,903
- I'm home.
- Oh, no. Ted, wait.
50
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,372
You're not supposed to see me
in this before the wedding.
51
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,308
It's bad luck.
52
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,009
Don't worry about it.
53
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,078
I mean, sweetheart,
54
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,748
it's just some stupid
superstition anyway.
55
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,650
Yeah, you're right.
56
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,554
We met on Friday the 13th
and look how happy we are.
57
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:26,325
So, Ted, what happened?
You said 11:00.
58
00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,893
I'm sorry, Val.
59
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:31,697
It was blood and guts night
at the old emergency room.
60
00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,800
Again?
61
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,768
Gee, I wish you'd called me.
62
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,705
I would have, but, you know,
63
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,107
five minutes on the phone
and that could, uh,
64
00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,943
cost a life.
You know that.
65
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,812
Oh.
66
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,814
I'm ready, Teddy.
67
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,985
Oh, what a day.
68
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,124
Boy.
(GROANS)
69
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,096
I was fluffing it for you.
70
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,009
Sweetheart, could you
get the light, please?
71
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,654
Teddy…
72
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,590
look what I found.
73
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,658
Sweetheart, I'm sorry,
74
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,762
but I have to take out a gall
bladder first thing in the morning.
75
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:40,432
- Tomorrow night. I promise.
- No, I won't be here tomorrow night.
76
00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,968
- I'll be at the nail expo.
- What?
77
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:46,138
The cuticle convention, remember?
I'll be gone till Monday.
78
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:49,541
Oh, well, Monday, then.
I promise.
79
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,581
You know, I was reading
an ad for these pyramids
80
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,150
that you can get
and put over the bed
81
00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:00,051
and they're supposed to
increase sexual energy.
82
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,788
- I thought we could…
- Valerie, please.
83
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,591
- Sorry.
- Good night, sweetheart.
84
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,827
Night.
85
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,869
WOMAN ON RADIO: K-Earth 101 southland
weather… another gorgeous day in L.A.
86
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,071
Sunny and warm.
86 degrees in Malibu.
87
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,541
94 in the valley.
88 in Hollywood.
88
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,010
That's K-Earth 101 news.
I'm Claudia Marshall.
89
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:31,783
♪ It's the summer of love, ♪
♪ love, love ♪
90
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,886
♪ I'm in love with ♪
♪ the love, love, love ♪
91
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:39,491
♪ For everyone ♪
♪ transcends who ♪
92
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,127
♪ I'm thinking of you ♪
93
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,962
♪ Boy ♪
94
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,797
♪ Love energy ♪
95
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,900
♪ Is giving us a shove ♪
96
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:53,839
♪ Making this ♪
♪ the summer of love… ♪
97
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,908
Hi, Miss Lana.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
98
00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,879
I missed our appointment.
You look so great.
99
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:05,484
- That's a great outfit.
- Thanks, dear. That door's a real bitch.
100
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,820
- Hi, Val.
- Morning.
101
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,857
WOMAN: It's a really
good color for me.
102
00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,025
- Wow.
- Yeah.
103
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,528
You need a fill.
104
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,531
- Uh, morning, all.
- ALL: Good morning.
105
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,834
You better have a note from
your mother, young lady.
106
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,837
♪ He's showing ♪
♪ off his body… ♪
107
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,539
I don't know.
108
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,175
I'm just not that
turned on by her lately.
109
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,545
I hear oysters
are good for potency.
110
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,181
Yeah, I tried that once,
but they kept slipping off.
111
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,818
If I was any more potent,
I'd kill somebody.
112
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,786
- Whoa!
- Oh, right!
113
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,688
No, no, no.
114
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,191
I gave this cute, little nurse a
ride home the other night, right?
115
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,793
Yeah, and?
116
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,962
And nothing. I'm getting
married next month.
117
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:54,666
And why are you
so tardy, young lady?
118
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,835
Oh, I was up real late
last night with Ted.
119
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,905
Oh, Dr. Dolittle
finally came through, huh?
120
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,073
No. He was
dead on arrival.
121
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,310
- Again? Sanka?
- Sure.
122
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,679
You know, at the rate
we've been having sex,
123
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,148
we might as well
be married already.
124
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,183
What's it been, like, a week?
125
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,986
Two weeks.
126
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,922
Valerie,
127
00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,925
Ted is obviously
a victim of PMS.
128
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,928
- What?
- Premarital stress.
129
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,697
Oh. What'll snap him
out of it?
130
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,700
- A new woman.
- Thanks.
131
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,903
Wait. That's it!
We'll make you a new woman.
132
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,673
Oh, this is great. This is
totally fabulous. Watch this.
133
00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,309
Okay, let's see how you look
on the makeover machine.
134
00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:38,743
Oh, housewife from hell.
135
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:44,115
Matron on drugs.
Look at that.
136
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:48,119
That's it. We'll make you
blonde with blue eyes.
137
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,854
VALERIE:
I don't know.
138
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,289
Maybe when I get back
from the nail expo…
139
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,626
No, skip the expo.
Stay home and ambush Ted.
140
00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,861
Oh, what if he doesn't like it?
141
00:09:56,863 --> 00:10:00,098
At this point, what
have you got to lose?
142
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,902
- I don't know.
- Hey, come on, everybody. We're doing a makeover.
143
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:07,038
BOTH:
Ooh! Ooh!
144
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,208
(SCREAMING)
145
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,943
- A perm.
- A perm.
146
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,145
- A butch.
- A butch.
147
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,014
- A facial.
- A facial.
148
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,083
- A body wrap.
- A body wrap.
149
00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,685
- Gravel scrub.
- A gravel scrub.
150
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,320
- Bikini wax.
- Bikini wax.
151
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,055
- (SCREAMS)
- A fall.
152
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,858
- We'll do it all.
- WOMAN: All right!
153
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:41,039
♪ It's time to face the music, ♪
♪ it's time to make you see ♪
154
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,943
♪ The root of all your problems ♪
♪ is that you don't look like me ♪
155
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:49,114
♪ Now this is gonna hurt you, ♪
♪ but I just got to say ♪
156
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:53,151
♪ Your love life's going nowhere ♪
♪ 'cause you look like Doris Day ♪
157
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,220
♪ Who's the one ♪
♪ they can't resist? ♪
158
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,988
♪ The brand new girl ♪
159
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,290
♪ Who's on ♪
♪ the most wanted list? ♪
160
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,660
♪ The brand new girl ♪
161
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:05,263
♪ Honey, if you vixenize, ♪
♪ guaranteed he'll get a rise ♪
162
00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,267
- ♪ Believe that you can be a brand new ♪
- ♪ Brand new
163
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,202
- ♪ Brand new
- ♪ Brand new
164
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,171
- ♪ Brand new
- ♪ Brand new
165
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,874
♪ Brand new girl, ow ♪
166
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,942
(CAT ROARS)
167
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,916
(SCREAMS)
168
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,419
♪ You're cute and fresh ♪
♪ and wholesome ♪
169
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:29,320
♪ But science ♪
♪ has a cure ♪
170
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,089
♪ The natural look ♪
♪ is nowhere ♪
171
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,458
♪ Your hairdresser ♪
♪ knows for sure ♪
172
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,894
♪ You gotta learn ♪
♪ the art of teasing ♪
173
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,862
♪ Change ♪
♪ your repertoire ♪
174
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,031
♪ All you need's ♪
♪ a little faith ♪
175
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,133
♪ And a see-through
pushup bra ♪
176
00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,972
♪ If you wanna be ♪
♪ a femme fatale ♪
177
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,874
♪ You can't rest ♪
♪ on your L'Oreals ♪
178
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,110
♪ You know, I think ♪
♪ she might be right ♪
179
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,878
♪ Grab the bleach, ♪
♪ she's seen the light ♪
180
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,081
(SCREAMS)
181
00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,016
- ♪ Maybelline ♪
- Ooh.
182
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,151
- ♪ Revlon ♪
- (MOANS)
183
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,986
- ♪ Rubbermaid ♪
- Mm.
184
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,055
♪ Talk to me, ♪
♪ Max Factor ♪
185
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,191
♪ Who's the one ♪
♪ they can't resist? ♪
186
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,493
- ♪ The brand new girl
- ♪ Brand new
187
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,295
♪ Who's on ♪
♪ the most wanted list? ♪
188
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,497
♪ The brand new girl ♪
189
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,733
♪ Honey, ♪
♪ if you vixenize ♪
190
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,801
♪ Guaranteed ♪
♪ he'll get a rise ♪
191
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,170
♪ Believe that can be ♪
♪ a brand new ♪
192
00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,406
- ♪ Brand new ♪
- ♪ Brand new ♪
193
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,274
- ♪ Brand new ♪
- ♪ Brand new ♪
194
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,344
- ♪ Brand new ♪
- ♪ Brand ♪
195
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,313
♪ New ♪
196
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:33,084
♪ Girl ♪
197
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,153
♪ Girl ♪
198
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,122
(THEME FROM "LOVE STORY"
PLAYING)
199
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,194
Hello, Dr. Gallagher.
200
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,263
Surprised?
201
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:50,135
Yes, it's me.
202
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,537
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Dr. Gallagher.
203
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,173
Why are you looking
at me like that?
204
00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,145
You want to do what?
205
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,281
Oh, no, no.
I couldn't.
206
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,484
No, no, please.
Stop.
207
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,386
No, no.
208
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,421
Well…
209
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,323
all right.
210
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,829
Okay.
Let's see.
211
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:21,466
Now, champagne, flowers,
212
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,302
sushi, feathers,
213
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,438
um, sensual oil,
214
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,107
right,
215
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:32,443
and incense or… let's see.
216
00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,046
"Sprinkle a light bulb
with your favorite perfume
217
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:38,183
to sensualize the atmosphere
of your love trap."
218
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,588
(MUSIC SKIPPING)
219
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,027
(SIZZLES)
220
00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,298
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- (SCREAMS)
221
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,033
Oh, no!
222
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,170
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
- Oh, God. He's here.
223
00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:19,090
Well, this is where we live.
224
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:23,361
- We?
- Yeah. Uh, you know, me and, uh,
225
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,964
the cat… Bambi.
226
00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,470
Just make yourself
at home, all right?
227
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,439
Okay.
228
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,514
(MEOWS)
229
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,483
(HISS)
230
00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:56,527
"How to Drive a Man Crazy."
231
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,568
(TOILET FLUSHES)
232
00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,240
- (SCREAMS)
- Eat me, I'm a cookie!
233
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,045
I'm sorry.
I'm so embarrassed.
234
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,981
I didn't know Ted had company.
I'm Valerie.
235
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,183
I don't usually dress like this.
236
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,486
Here comes Dr. Love.
237
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,392
All right, Robin, a pileup.
238
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:30,228
Who's your friend?
239
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:33,932
- Shit! Val.
- Ted, what are you doing?
240
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,568
- Uh, gee, nothing.
- What… what is going on here?
241
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,537
You brought a girl home
to have sex?
242
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,539
Well, you weren't
supposed to be here, Val.
243
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,642
- You were going to have sex without me?
- Well, no.
244
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:48,046
- Of course not.
- Look, I don't know what you two had in mind,
245
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,182
but I'm really not
into kinky scenes.
246
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,284
Bye.
247
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,653
Gee, Val, you look incredible.
248
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,289
Hey, you know… hey, honey, she
doesn't mean a thing to me, really.
249
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,158
If meaningless sex
is what you want,
250
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,260
why can't you have it with me!
251
00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,362
I'm sorry.
I made a stupid mistake.
252
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:08,266
Hey, you know, I thought I
wanted a last fling, that's all.
253
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,135
You can't expect me to be
more evolved than I really am.
254
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,738
Evolved?
I'll show you evolved.
255
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,407
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Val.
256
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,242
No, no, no. No, don't do that.
That's very dangerous.
257
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,611
Hey! Cut it…
Val, stop it!
258
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,314
Cut it out!
259
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,084
- Val, come on!
- (FEEDBACK)
260
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,752
Neighbors are watching!
261
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,358
Val, open up.
Sweetheart, open the door!
262
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,660
VALERIE: You're wanted
in emergency, Dr. Love.
263
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,063
Val, you can't do this
to me! I'm a doctor!
264
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:45,069
Here! Take these
with you, Dr. Love.
265
00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,374
And don't come back!
266
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,577
(MUTTERING)
267
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,615
- (CAR STARTS)
- Ted!
268
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,688
- (TIRES SQUEAL)
- Ted!
269
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,456
Ted, where are you going?
270
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,500
Go to bed, Mrs. Merkin!
271
00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,503
- (REVERBERATING) Mrs. Merkin! Mrs. Merkin!
- (SCREAMS)
272
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,772
(MEOWS)
273
00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:24,742
♪ You're a liar, ♪
♪ and it took me forever ♪
274
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:28,579
♪ To figure that out ♪
275
00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,184
♪ You could ♪
♪ switch on a smile ♪
276
00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,420
♪ Pretend to be tender ♪
277
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:40,058
♪ But I know now ♪
♪ what you're all about ♪
278
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,560
♪ What a nightmare ♪
279
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,230
♪ My friends thought ♪
♪ you were a dream ♪
280
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,836
♪ You could ♪
♪ switch on a smile ♪
281
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,505
- ♪ And seem so sincere ♪
- (BARKS)
282
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:58,209
♪ But you don't even know ♪
♪ what that means ♪
283
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:02,747
♪ I don't think ♪
♪ you'll ever understand ♪
284
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:07,485
♪ Ooh, did cheating on me ♪
♪ make you feel like a man? ♪
285
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:12,323
♪ I used to worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
286
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:16,594
♪ I did anything ♪
♪ you wanted me to ♪
287
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:21,699
♪ I used to worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
288
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:26,637
♪ Now I've lost ♪
♪ my faith in you ♪
289
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,211
♪ Ahh ♪
290
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,349
♪ Sunday mornings ♪
♪ I'd wake up ♪
291
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:41,486
♪ Lie in bed ♪
♪ watching you sleep ♪
292
00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:47,458
♪ It was almost religious ♪
293
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,294
♪ How I believed in you ♪
294
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,598
♪ It hurt when you ♪
♪ destroyed my belief ♪
295
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,835
♪ I don't think ♪
♪ you'll ever understand ♪
296
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:02,807
♪ Ooh, did cheatin' on me ♪
♪ make you feel like a man? ♪
297
00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:07,512
♪ I used to worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
298
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:11,582
♪ I did anything ♪
♪ you wanted me to ♪
299
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:16,721
♪ I used to worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
300
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:21,659
♪ Now I've lost my faith ♪
♪ in you ♪
301
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,630
♪ Oh, I've lost ♪
♪ my faith in you ♪
302
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:41,779
♪ I used to worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
303
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,917
♪ Didn't think ♪
♪ I'd get by without you ♪
304
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:51,322
♪ Now I don't worship ♪
♪ the ground you walk on ♪
305
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:55,493
♪ And I'm stronger ♪
♪ than I knew ♪
306
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,963
♪ I'm stronger ♪
♪ than you knew ♪
307
00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,342
- Come here, you.
- No, Doctor. What about your wife?
308
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,245
She's in a coma.
You're not.
309
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:19,617
No. Oh.
Mm. Oh.
310
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,853
John?
John?
311
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,790
(GROANS)
312
00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:29,227
You weasel dick!
313
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,795
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
314
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,233
Hello.
Oh, Candy.
315
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,236
The worst thing
in the world happened.
316
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,304
No, Bambi's fine.
317
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,906
It's Ted.
318
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,276
Yeah. The blonde
thing did not work.
319
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,678
ROBIN LEACH: It's the show
that shows the ins and outs
320
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,947
of the southern California
fitness craze.
321
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,351
Let's face it.
Inner beauty is for losers…
322
00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,454
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
323
00:21:32,724 --> 00:21:34,525
Ooh.
324
00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,375
(LAUGHING)
325
00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:27,044
Uh!
326
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,496
(SCREAMS)
327
00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:49,700
Mac!
328
00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:59,610
(SCREAMS)
329
00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:46,757
(SCREAMS)
330
00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,699
Oh, great.
331
00:23:58,170 --> 00:24:00,704
Oh, this is too good.
332
00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:03,507
There's a giant blow dryer
in my pool.
333
00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:14,151
Oh, shit!
334
00:24:14,153 --> 00:24:17,855
Goddamn it, Ted, you're not gonna
control my mind when you're not here.
335
00:24:17,857 --> 00:24:20,090
Okay, now…
336
00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:23,727
just release all this
negative energy
337
00:24:23,729 --> 00:24:26,030
out into the universe.
338
00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,965
You're just gonna swim
right through it.
339
00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,945
(BANGS)
340
00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:01,198
(COUGHS)
341
00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:15,579
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
342
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,795
(COUGHS)
343
00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:35,699
Oh, Teddy bear.
You're back.
344
00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:42,673
- (SCREAMING)
- (SCREAMING)
345
00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:51,982
What is this?
What's going on here?
346
00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:54,718
This isn't what
it looks like, is it?
347
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,854
- Is it?
- (MUMBLES)
348
00:25:56,856 --> 00:25:58,689
Oh, my God, it is.
349
00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,724
It's a spaceship.
350
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,927
Oh, like things
weren't bad enough.
351
00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,862
Now I've been abducted by a UFO.
352
00:26:04,864 --> 00:26:06,797
Now, you guys…
353
00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:09,333
you're just gonna do some
little experiments on me
354
00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:13,203
and then, um, let me go like in
the "National Enquirer," right?
355
00:26:13,205 --> 00:26:15,306
- Right?
- Right?
356
00:26:15,308 --> 00:26:17,274
Right?
357
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:20,945
Okay, okay.
358
00:26:20,947 --> 00:26:23,180
Just don't take out
anything I'm gonna need later.
359
00:26:29,187 --> 00:26:31,755
Come on, come on. Get it over
with and then let me go, okay?
360
00:26:36,027 --> 00:26:37,928
I don't know why
you abducted me anyway.
361
00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,130
I mean, I'm sure you're looking
for somebody more important,
362
00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:42,132
- you know, like Nancy Reagan.
- Nancy Reagan.
363
00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:44,268
- Nancy Reagan.
- Really, if you let me go
364
00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:45,869
I'll tell you where
to find her because…
365
00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:48,105
see, I'm just a manicurist.
366
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,808
I don't know anything
about anything except nails.
367
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:53,177
- You know, nails.
- Nails.
368
00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,745
- Nails.
- Nibs.
369
00:26:59,084 --> 00:27:01,051
Really,
I can keep my mouth shut.
370
00:27:01,053 --> 00:27:03,287
I mean, I'm the kind of person
that you can tell anything to
371
00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:05,789
and I would never tell.
Ask my cousin Debbie.
372
00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:08,325
You know, she got her boobs
done, and I never told anyone.
373
00:27:10,061 --> 00:27:11,895
Oh, except I just told you.
374
00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,836
Oh, my God.
You're aliens.
375
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:20,804
(WHINING)
376
00:27:25,343 --> 00:27:27,745
Zeebo.
377
00:27:27,747 --> 00:27:31,382
Is that your name?
Zeebo?
378
00:27:31,384 --> 00:27:33,350
Wiploc.
379
00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:37,021
Wiploc. Hi.
380
00:27:37,023 --> 00:27:39,156
Makelsolakveder.
381
00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:42,059
Maybe I'll just call you Mac.
How's that?
382
00:27:42,061 --> 00:27:44,128
Oh, and I'm Valerie.
383
00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:46,030
- Valerie.
- "Walerie."
384
00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,998
Volare.
385
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,300
You guys aren't
gonna to hurt me, are you?
386
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,372
Your planet is weird.
387
00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:59,076
We're still in my pool.
388
00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:01,278
- Oh.
- Oh!
389
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,048
Well, listen. It was really
nice meeting you, fellas,
390
00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:06,383
but I have to go.
391
00:28:06,385 --> 00:28:10,721
Feel free to use the pool, really, but
you've caught me at sort of a bad time.
392
00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:13,390
- (YELLING)
- (SCREAMING)
393
00:28:13,392 --> 00:28:15,359
(ALARM BLARING)
394
00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:30,874
Did I do that?
I flooded the ship.
395
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,377
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm so embarrassed.
396
00:28:33,379 --> 00:28:36,880
I'm really, really sorry, you guys,
but I'm sure you can fix it, right?
397
00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:41,719
Don't freak out, really.
398
00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:45,322
This is just like the time that I
dropped my lady Schick in the toilet.
399
00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:48,992
It's really… as soon as it
dried out, it worked fine.
400
00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:50,761
Really.
401
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,136
Let's go in my house
and I'll make some lunch
402
00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:01,371
and I'll get the pool drained
403
00:29:01,373 --> 00:29:05,743
and then you guys can take off,
you know, back to your planet.
404
00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,811
Blast off.
(MIMICS BLAST OFF)
405
00:29:07,813 --> 00:29:10,948
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Comprende?
406
00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,118
- Comprende?
- Comprende?
407
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,086
Comprende.
408
00:29:29,534 --> 00:29:31,935
Be careful. This
ladder's a little loose.
409
00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:35,139
Oh, I'm glad you can
breathe okay.
410
00:29:35,141 --> 00:29:37,441
The air quality
is actually very good today.
411
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,409
(COUGHING)
412
00:29:40,979 --> 00:29:43,080
Careful.
It's kind of wet.
413
00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:50,354
Okay?
414
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,290
Well, uh, come on.
Let's go in the house.
415
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:56,927
This way.
416
00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:03,066
Those are lemons. You know,
lemonade, lemon Pledge.
417
00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:06,403
Oh. It's okay.
It's a sprinkler.
418
00:30:06,405 --> 00:30:10,140
Listen, Earth people are gonna
freak out if they see you.
419
00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:13,277
No offense, but you do look kinda
like wookies or werewolves
420
00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:15,345
or something,
and people hate that.
421
00:30:15,347 --> 00:30:17,080
I mean, they're gonna wanna
shoot you or something,
422
00:30:17,082 --> 00:30:19,850
- so just be cool, okay?
- (CHIMING)
423
00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,888
Let's go inside.
Come on, come on.
424
00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,892
What's going on
in my horoscope today?
425
00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:35,833
Well, this is my house.
426
00:30:35,835 --> 00:30:38,268
Um…
sorry about the mess.
427
00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:40,237
Make yourselves at home.
428
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,012
(CHIRPING)
429
00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:53,350
Hi. This is
Valerie Gale.
430
00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:56,019
Could you send Woody
to drain my pool?
431
00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:58,288
Yeah. Right away.
It's an emergency. I…
432
00:30:58,290 --> 00:31:00,257
(MEOWS)
433
00:31:01,459 --> 00:31:03,427
(HISSING)
434
00:31:08,132 --> 00:31:09,533
(PURRING)
435
00:31:12,337 --> 00:31:15,606
Wow! I've never see
her do that before!
436
00:31:15,608 --> 00:31:19,009
What is that,
some kind of love touch?
437
00:31:20,078 --> 00:31:22,045
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
438
00:31:24,115 --> 00:31:25,949
Oh! Hi. Yeah.
Listen.
439
00:31:25,951 --> 00:31:27,451
This is a matter
of life and death.
440
00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:29,953
See, I lost my contact lens
in the pool…
441
00:31:29,955 --> 00:31:33,991
no, no. It's gotta be Woody.
He found it the last time.
442
00:31:33,993 --> 00:31:36,526
Hey!
Those are Ted's fish!
443
00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:39,596
Thanks.
No. No. No. No.
444
00:31:39,598 --> 00:31:43,467
Not food!
Not food!
445
00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:48,071
Let's see.
Oh, not much here,
446
00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:51,141
but then, I didn't expect
I'd be have aliens for lunch.
447
00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:53,043
Oh, look.
448
00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:56,246
Low-cal Pop Tarts.
These are natural.
449
00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,215
Great.
450
00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:02,619
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
451
00:32:02,621 --> 00:32:06,590
Okay. We have an entree.
What else?
452
00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:11,995
Uh… instant pudding!
453
00:32:11,997 --> 00:32:15,098
Add water, hmm…
too much work.
454
00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:17,401
Oh, spray-on cheese!
This is great.
455
00:32:19,203 --> 00:32:21,171
You have eggs on your planet?
456
00:32:22,974 --> 00:32:24,942
I could cook those for you.
457
00:32:35,353 --> 00:32:37,654
This is wonderful.
458
00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:55,105
- (MEOWS)
- (MEOWS)
459
00:33:01,412 --> 00:33:04,214
Oh, Wiploc!
No! No! Not there!
460
00:33:04,216 --> 00:33:06,183
No.
Come with me.
461
00:33:15,593 --> 00:33:18,495
Okay.
So you go in there.
462
00:33:20,264 --> 00:33:22,532
No! No!
Come here. No.
463
00:33:22,534 --> 00:33:26,069
You go in there.
464
00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:27,637
Go in there…
465
00:33:27,639 --> 00:33:30,173
Yeah.
And then you flush.
466
00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:32,142
(TOILET FLUSHING)
467
00:33:35,146 --> 00:33:37,114
(MIMICS TOILET FLUSHING)
468
00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,191
(MEOWS)
469
00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:50,160
(MEOWS)
470
00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:53,497
(REVERBERATING)
471
00:33:58,669 --> 00:34:00,637
(RECORD SCRATCHING)
472
00:34:02,340 --> 00:34:03,807
Oh, my God!
Woody's here!
473
00:34:03,809 --> 00:34:05,776
Whatever you do,
just stay inside.
474
00:34:49,153 --> 00:34:50,854
(HORSE NEIGHS ON TV)
475
00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:57,394
- (SCREAMS)
- (NEIGHS)
476
00:34:57,396 --> 00:35:00,330
(SINGING IN SPANISH)
477
00:35:04,535 --> 00:35:07,704
- (CLICKS)
- You are Americans.
478
00:35:07,706 --> 00:35:09,739
You're the product
of the freest society…
479
00:35:09,741 --> 00:35:11,675
(SCREECHING)
480
00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:15,812
- (CLICKS)
- You're tearing me apart!
481
00:35:15,814 --> 00:35:19,282
You say one thing, he says another,
and everybody changes back…
482
00:35:19,284 --> 00:35:22,352
- MAN: A new car!
- A new car!
483
00:35:22,354 --> 00:35:26,289
- (SCREAMS)
- ♪ Take a mind excursion ♪
484
00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,858
♪ It's just… ♪
485
00:35:27,860 --> 00:35:29,826
Hey!
How's it going?
486
00:35:29,828 --> 00:35:33,363
- Hey, Woody.
- What's that you're sitting on?
487
00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:37,534
- Some kind of giant boogie board?
- No, it's my new pool patio.
488
00:35:37,536 --> 00:35:39,669
- Bitchin', huh?
- It's pretty rad.
489
00:35:39,671 --> 00:35:41,538
(HISSES)
490
00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:44,274
WOODY:
Whoa! Shoot the curl, kitty!
491
00:35:44,276 --> 00:35:46,343
Those little guys
love the water, don't they?
492
00:35:49,347 --> 00:35:52,182
Listen, Valerie. How come
you want your pool drained?
493
00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:54,718
How come?
I don't know.
494
00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:58,321
You know, the water just seems
really stale or something.
495
00:35:58,323 --> 00:36:00,490
We've seen a lot of that.
496
00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:02,325
So, how long is this gonna take?
497
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,861
Uh… about…
a day.
498
00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:09,933
Whoa, check out the sets, man.
499
00:36:09,935 --> 00:36:13,570
If I was six inches tall,
I'd be out there now.
500
00:36:13,572 --> 00:36:16,206
They were pumping
like that this morning…
501
00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:18,341
- I don't believe this.
- no, for real.
502
00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:21,878
And I was getting barreled
in this totally cool tube.
503
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,515
I had just Sex Waxed
my board… really prem'.
504
00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:28,718
Some hotdog shoots his board,
hits me in the head.
505
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,721
- Look at that.
- This is the worst.
506
00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:34,257
Yeah, it would've been
the ride of the decade, too.
507
00:36:34,259 --> 00:36:37,460
Well, what am I supposed to do
until tomorrow?
508
00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:40,463
Waste your brain.
Wax your board.
509
00:36:40,465 --> 00:36:42,632
Pray for waves.
510
00:36:42,634 --> 00:36:44,601
(WHISTLING
"ANDY GRIFFITH" THEME)
511
00:36:47,672 --> 00:36:50,574
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
512
00:36:50,576 --> 00:36:52,809
(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
513
00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:55,879
Try this.
♪ What'll it be, hmm. ♪
514
00:36:55,881 --> 00:36:58,882
- ♪ What'll it be? ♪
- ♪ Hmm ♪
515
00:36:58,884 --> 00:37:03,353
Nice. Make me an Alaskan polar bear
heater on the double. Come on, come on.
516
00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,890
We'll make our own music,
gorgeous. You and you stay.
517
00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:09,826
Tubby, you go rest
your thumbs. I'll drive.
518
00:37:09,828 --> 00:37:12,629
Now watch, baby.
Every move a picture.
519
00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:16,299
- (PLAYING PIANO)
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
520
00:37:20,671 --> 00:37:22,606
(ANSWERING MACHINE)
Is there a doctor in the house?
521
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,808
(CHUCKLES)
Not right now.
522
00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:27,677
- Leave a message when you
hear the beep. - (BEEP)
523
00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:30,547
TED:
Valerie? Are you there?
524
00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:33,750
Please pick up.
I need to talk to you.
525
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,819
I'm sorry I was such an asshole.
526
00:37:35,821 --> 00:37:38,922
Val, you've got to believe this.
527
00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:41,858
I've never ever been
unfaithful to you. Ever.
528
00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:44,661
I'm only guilty of a little
kissy-face with one nurse.
529
00:37:44,663 --> 00:37:46,930
I swear.
Oh, sweetheart.
530
00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:49,866
You stopped me from making a biggest
mistake of my life last night.
531
00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:53,603
Val, I'm so sorry.
Please forgive me.
532
00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:56,273
I'll see you
when I get home. Bye.
533
00:38:00,678 --> 00:38:02,846
WOMAN:
Come back to Finland.
534
00:38:02,848 --> 00:38:06,583
Come back to winter
all year round.
535
00:38:06,585 --> 00:38:10,287
Come back to parkas
and goat's cheese.
536
00:38:10,289 --> 00:38:12,789
Finland knows what you want.
537
00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:16,459
(YODELING)
538
00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:18,428
(YODELING)
539
00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:21,898
(CLICKS)
540
00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:23,867
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
541
00:38:27,571 --> 00:38:30,607
Okay.
Well, we're all set.
542
00:38:30,609 --> 00:38:32,909
- Finland is here?
- Finland?
543
00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:34,844
No, this is the valley.
544
00:38:34,846 --> 00:38:38,348
Finland is the capital of Norway.
God, you guys sure learn fast.
545
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:40,016
(MIMICS TED'S VOICE) I'm
sorry I was such an asshole.
546
00:38:40,018 --> 00:38:43,453
Oh! I see you found
a cable station.
547
00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:46,823
(MIMICS TED) Valerie, are you there?
Please pick up.
548
00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:49,326
Did Ted call?
549
00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:51,461
I'll be over right
after work tonight.
550
00:38:51,463 --> 00:38:54,564
- Okay, honey? Bye.
- Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?
551
00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,966
Ted is, like, a trained doctor.
552
00:38:56,968 --> 00:39:00,670
One look at you guys and
he'll know you're not local.
553
00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:02,405
Oh, wow.
554
00:39:02,407 --> 00:39:04,974
If I only had about
zillion gallons of Nair.
555
00:39:04,976 --> 00:39:06,876
- Nair. Nair.
- Nair.
556
00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,015
♪ I'm a sex pixie ♪
557
00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:13,883
♪ Is that okay? ♪
558
00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:16,486
♪ Do do do do do ♪
559
00:39:16,488 --> 00:39:20,523
♪ Do do do do ♪
♪ do do do do ♪
560
00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:24,094
♪ Hey, hey, ♪
♪ do do do do ♪
561
00:39:24,096 --> 00:39:26,730
♪ Do do do do ♪
562
00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:29,499
♪ Da-do, oh, oh, oh ♪
563
00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:31,368
- Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out.
- (SCREAMS)
564
00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:33,436
- Valerie!
- I mean it, don't freak out.
565
00:39:33,438 --> 00:39:36,039
- Promise me you will not freak out.
- Stop! You are freaking me out!
566
00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,974
Okay, okay.
Oh, my God.
567
00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:40,877
Um… a UFO landed
in my pool
568
00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:42,879
and they captured me,
but we made friends,
569
00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:45,815
and I fed them Pop Tarts
and they're here now,
570
00:39:45,817 --> 00:39:47,817
but Ted's coming home tonight,
so you've got to cut their hair.
571
00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:51,588
- What did you say?
- Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs.
572
00:39:51,590 --> 00:39:53,423
Candy, you gotta help them.
573
00:39:53,425 --> 00:39:55,392
Would you listen to yourself?
574
00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:57,660
Valerie, no man is worth
575
00:39:57,662 --> 00:40:00,397
getting yourself
in this state over.
576
00:40:00,399 --> 00:40:02,966
Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted!
577
00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:04,734
Valerie, come here.
578
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:07,003
Just sit down, honey.
579
00:40:07,005 --> 00:40:09,572
Relax.
Have a mental Margarita.
580
00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:11,775
Candy, now I'm gonna
show you something
581
00:40:11,777 --> 00:40:14,878
that's gonna totally change your
life completely, forever, okay?
582
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,714
Well, in that case,
let me get a cigarette.
583
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,156
You got little alien house guests…
let's see 'em.
584
00:40:28,959 --> 00:40:31,694
(COUGHING)
Shit, Valerie!
585
00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:34,764
- Those are aliens!
- I told you.
586
00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:37,000
Oh, God!
Oh, shit!
587
00:40:37,002 --> 00:40:38,735
Valerie! Valerie!
588
00:40:38,737 --> 00:40:42,472
Those are… those are big…
aliens!
589
00:40:42,474 --> 00:40:46,609
What do they want from us?
What do you want from us?
590
00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,678
Did they take control
of your brain?
591
00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,747
Oh… I don't
think so.
592
00:40:50,749 --> 00:40:54,184
- Can they talk?
- ♪ What'll it be, hmm? ♪
593
00:40:54,186 --> 00:40:55,852
I ate all the Frusen Gladje.
594
00:40:55,854 --> 00:40:57,787
My panty shields make me
feel fresh all day.
595
00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:00,490
Are they straight?
596
00:41:00,492 --> 00:41:02,492
I don't know.
They're aliens.
597
00:41:02,494 --> 00:41:04,227
This is Mac,
598
00:41:04,229 --> 00:41:06,463
and this is,
uh… Zeebo,
599
00:41:06,465 --> 00:41:09,032
- and this is Wiploc.
- (COUGHING)
600
00:41:09,034 --> 00:41:11,568
Well, they're just darling.
601
00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:13,203
Get 'em out of here.
602
00:41:13,205 --> 00:41:15,171
They can't leave
until the pool is drained
603
00:41:15,173 --> 00:41:17,674
and you know Ted, I mean, if
he finds out they're aliens,
604
00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:20,677
he'll wanna call Washington
or dissect them or something.
605
00:41:20,679 --> 00:41:23,947
I mean, I think we could make
them look more sort of human.
606
00:41:23,949 --> 00:41:26,216
Yeah, I thought you never
wanted to see Ted again.
607
00:41:26,218 --> 00:41:29,052
I don't. I just want
to talk to him.
608
00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:31,688
Valerie, this is insane.
609
00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:34,491
Oh, God. They're, like,
throwing up on my stuff!
610
00:41:34,493 --> 00:41:36,092
VALERIE:
Come on, Candy.
611
00:41:39,530 --> 00:41:41,898
Well, I see split ends
are universal.
612
00:41:45,035 --> 00:41:47,537
Lost in space
with no conditioner, huh?
613
00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:49,672
I think they've been
up there a long time.
614
00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:54,711
Well, it's all dead.
It's got to come off.
615
00:41:54,713 --> 00:41:57,881
- Can you do it?
- Does Tina Turner wear a wig?
616
00:41:57,883 --> 00:41:59,983
- That's a wig?
- That's a wig.
617
00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:03,019
- Great!
- No, thanks. It's got spit on it.
618
00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:06,155
- I'll get clothes!
- But if I find one flea, the deal's off!
619
00:42:08,792 --> 00:42:12,128
Okay, Val, are you ready?
I think they're almost done.
620
00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,931
Okay, with the big red one I
went for the blond-surfer look.
621
00:42:18,936 --> 00:42:20,203
Wow!
622
00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:22,605
Which one is that?
623
00:42:22,607 --> 00:42:25,808
Wiploc.
We are human now!
624
00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:28,545
I don't believe it!
He's even cute!
625
00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:30,313
CANDY:
I know! Bitchin', huh?
626
00:42:32,016 --> 00:42:34,918
Val, you won't believe this.
627
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,253
Okay…
628
00:42:37,255 --> 00:42:39,722
surprise!
629
00:42:42,660 --> 00:42:46,896
- Is that Zeebo?
- (MIMICS CANDY) Oh, my God! You're, like, totally black!
630
00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:52,835
Okay… and…
631
00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:55,138
behind door number three…
632
00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:57,273
this is the ultimate!
633
00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:07,717
Wow!
634
00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:11,688
You're incredible.
635
00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:19,128
Well, it was easy. You know,
I started on poodles.
636
00:43:19,130 --> 00:43:21,197
Good?
637
00:43:21,199 --> 00:43:23,333
Real good.
638
00:43:26,971 --> 00:43:29,672
Okay, okay. Group picture.
Come on.
639
00:43:29,674 --> 00:43:31,774
Come on.
Get down there.
640
00:43:34,712 --> 00:43:36,145
All right…
641
00:43:36,147 --> 00:43:38,881
now say, Velveeta Slices.
642
00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:41,017
- Sl… vegakld.
- Vel… salksi.
643
00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:46,189
Okay, you guys,
what's the plan for tonight?
644
00:43:46,191 --> 00:43:48,758
Whoa! Candy,
reality check.
645
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,860
We can't go out with these guys.
They're aliens.
646
00:43:50,862 --> 00:43:53,963
So?
They can still be dates!
647
00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:56,399
Do you guys have Margaritas
on your planet?
648
00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:59,335
Candy, it's just not safe. I'll
give you a life home and that's it.
649
00:43:59,337 --> 00:44:01,638
Don't get your panties
in a bunch.
650
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,340
We're with three major cute
guys and it's Saturday night!
651
00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:06,309
Come on!
652
00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:16,019
CANDY: You guys are so lucky
you crashed in the valley.
653
00:44:16,021 --> 00:44:18,154
I mean, it's the baddest
place on earth.
654
00:44:26,864 --> 00:44:29,732
Candy, sit down!
655
00:44:29,734 --> 00:44:31,801
Hi, sweets.
656
00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:35,872
I think we'd like to keep
a low profile, Candy.
657
00:44:35,874 --> 00:44:38,274
Guys, whatcha doing later?
658
00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:45,014
You know, I never would have
believed that this could happen.
659
00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:47,850
What, that you'd be cruising the
boulevard with shaved Martians?
660
00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:51,054
No. That Ted would
do this to me.
661
00:44:51,056 --> 00:44:54,123
Men, boy. Give 'em enough rope
and they'll dig their own grave.
662
00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:58,094
- So true.
- He said he wanted one last fling.
663
00:44:58,096 --> 00:45:00,897
Maybe that's normal,
I don't know.
664
00:45:00,899 --> 00:45:02,965
I'm sure we'll be happy
once we're married,
665
00:45:02,967 --> 00:45:06,235
but I just can't pretend like
this didn't happen, you know?
666
00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:11,307
Valerie, you work so hard to make
Ted happy. Who is making you happy?
667
00:45:18,982 --> 00:45:22,018
- ALL: Whoo!
- Finland babes!
668
00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:25,154
(YODELING)
669
00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:27,390
Hey, didn't you go
to Van Nuys High?
670
00:45:27,392 --> 00:45:29,992
Van Nuys High?
671
00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:33,362
- Aren't you Terry Harper's brother?
- Terry Harper's brother?
672
00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:34,864
(LAUGHING)
673
00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,966
Someone oughta
hose those girls down.
674
00:45:36,968 --> 00:45:39,936
- Wanna party?
- Wanna party?
675
00:45:39,938 --> 00:45:41,270
Yeah, come on!
676
00:45:43,107 --> 00:45:44,974
Wiploc!
677
00:45:47,111 --> 00:45:49,078
Wiploc!
678
00:45:52,850 --> 00:45:54,817
CANDY:
Look! There they are!
679
00:45:58,355 --> 00:46:00,223
Okay, don't worry.
I'll go get him.
680
00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:02,492
- Me, too.
- Me, too, too.
681
00:46:02,494 --> 00:46:04,060
Wait, I don't think
we all should go…
682
00:46:04,062 --> 00:46:06,295
Oh, it's only
gonna take a minute.
683
00:46:11,135 --> 00:46:13,069
Come on, you guys,
what are you doing?
684
00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:17,039
("TARZAN" YELL)
685
00:46:21,145 --> 00:46:23,913
♪ When I need something ♪
♪ to help me unwind ♪
686
00:46:23,915 --> 00:46:27,884
♪ I find a six-foot baby ♪
♪ with a one-track mind ♪
687
00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:31,888
♪ Smart guys are nowhere, ♪
♪ they make demands ♪
688
00:46:31,890 --> 00:46:34,924
♪ Give me a moron ♪
♪ with talented hands… ♪
689
00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:37,026
Where did you buy those?
690
00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:40,029
- They're my dad's.
- Those are fabulous.
691
00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,898
I know.
692
00:46:41,900 --> 00:46:43,566
♪ …fall in love ♪
♪ till we're done ♪
693
00:46:43,568 --> 00:46:45,902
♪ Then they're ♪
♪ out in the hall ♪
694
00:46:45,904 --> 00:46:47,203
♪ I like 'em big ♪
695
00:46:47,205 --> 00:46:49,305
♪ And stupid ♪
696
00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,907
♪ I like 'em big ♪
697
00:46:50,909 --> 00:46:52,809
♪ And real dumb ♪
698
00:46:52,811 --> 00:46:54,443
♪ I like 'em big ♪
699
00:46:54,445 --> 00:46:56,412
♪ And stupid ♪
700
00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:04,020
♪ What kind of guy ♪
♪ does a lot for me? ♪
701
00:47:04,022 --> 00:47:06,889
♪ Superman ♪
♪ with a lobotomy ♪
702
00:47:06,891 --> 00:47:08,457
♪ My father's ♪
♪ out of Harvard ♪
703
00:47:08,459 --> 00:47:10,193
♪ My brother's out of Yale ♪
704
00:47:10,195 --> 00:47:12,328
♪ But the guy ♪
♪ I took home last night ♪
705
00:47:12,330 --> 00:47:14,030
♪ Just got out of jail… ♪
706
00:47:14,032 --> 00:47:16,933
Valerie! Hi!
Over here!
707
00:47:16,935 --> 00:47:18,568
- Candy!
- Hi!
708
00:47:18,570 --> 00:47:21,003
Are you nuts?
What are you doing?
709
00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:22,972
Having cocktails.
710
00:47:24,041 --> 00:47:26,609
Alaskan polar bear heater.
711
00:47:26,611 --> 00:47:29,111
Candy, give me a break.
Ted is coming home tonight
712
00:47:29,113 --> 00:47:32,315
and there's a UFO
in my pool. A UFO!
713
00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:36,085
B.F.D. Ted's not gonna
be there for a few hours.
714
00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:39,121
- Just chill out, Val.
- We have to get these guys out of here
715
00:47:39,123 --> 00:47:41,324
before anyone figures out
they're aliens.
716
00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:43,626
No one's going to know
they're aliens, okay?
717
00:47:43,628 --> 00:47:47,263
Tonya!
718
00:47:47,265 --> 00:47:49,131
Hi. You know Val.
719
00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:51,901
- And this is Mac, Wiploc, and Zeebo.
- Hi.
720
00:47:51,903 --> 00:47:55,104
They're from Mars or something!
Could you die?
721
00:47:55,106 --> 00:47:57,173
Hey, Zeebo, wanna dance?
722
00:47:58,475 --> 00:48:01,177
- Wanna dance?
- Great idea.
723
00:48:03,614 --> 00:48:05,181
Wiploc.
724
00:48:06,617 --> 00:48:09,585
- Should I dance?
- Sure.
725
00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:12,154
Fine.
Hey, party down.
726
00:48:12,156 --> 00:48:15,057
When you're ready for your
chauffeur, I'll be out on the patio.
727
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,662
What's her problem?
728
00:48:22,099 --> 00:48:24,166
Two weeks?
729
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:25,668
Whoa!
730
00:48:25,670 --> 00:48:28,037
♪ …'Cause ♪
♪ it was so stupid ♪
731
00:48:28,039 --> 00:48:31,474
♪ The bigger they come, ♪
♪ the harder I fall ♪
732
00:48:31,476 --> 00:48:33,342
♪ In love till we're done ♪
733
00:48:33,344 --> 00:48:35,344
♪ Then they're ♪
♪ out in the hall… ♪
734
00:48:35,346 --> 00:48:38,447
Come on. Let's dance.
Whoo!
735
00:48:38,449 --> 00:48:40,416
♪ I like 'em big ♪
736
00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:42,184
♪ And real dumb ♪
737
00:48:42,186 --> 00:48:44,020
♪ I like 'em big and… ♪
738
00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,288
He left?
739
00:48:49,026 --> 00:48:51,260
♪ She likes 'em big ♪
740
00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:52,695
♪ And stupid. ♪
741
00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:55,431
(PIANO PLAYING)
742
00:49:06,543 --> 00:49:09,512
You, go rest your thumbs.
I'll drive.
743
00:49:40,544 --> 00:49:43,112
You can actually play that?
744
00:49:43,114 --> 00:49:46,248
Valerie, are we limp
and hard to manage?
745
00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:50,119
Oh, no, no.
You're fine.
746
00:49:50,121 --> 00:49:51,687
I'm sorry.
747
00:49:51,689 --> 00:49:54,123
I just don't feel
like talking much.
748
00:49:54,125 --> 00:49:58,160
I guess, I figured that everything
would just fall into place
749
00:49:58,162 --> 00:50:01,630
- if I found Mr. Right.
- Mr. Right?
750
00:50:01,632 --> 00:50:03,532
Yeah.
751
00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:06,535
Mr. Right is like the guy
you dream of meeting
752
00:50:06,537 --> 00:50:08,404
ever since you're a little girl.
753
00:50:08,406 --> 00:50:12,608
And you'd go anyplace
or do anything to be together.
754
00:50:12,610 --> 00:50:14,510
And he feels
the same way about you
755
00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:18,214
because you're right
for each other.
756
00:50:18,216 --> 00:50:21,283
I don't know.
Maybe I'm kidding myself.
757
00:50:21,285 --> 00:50:23,119
Maybe there's no such thing.
758
00:50:31,695 --> 00:50:34,130
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
759
00:50:34,132 --> 00:50:36,032
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
760
00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,267
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
761
00:50:38,269 --> 00:50:40,169
♪ Out on the floor ♪
762
00:50:40,171 --> 00:50:42,171
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
763
00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:44,206
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
764
00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:45,641
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
765
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,276
♪ - Hey, baby. ♪
♪ - Hi. ♪
766
00:50:47,278 --> 00:50:49,779
Why be with a zero when you
can dance with a hero?
767
00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:54,683
♪ Oh, baby ♪
768
00:50:56,086 --> 00:50:58,287
♪ You got to tell me ♪
769
00:50:58,289 --> 00:51:01,290
♪ Where it takes us ♪
♪ you don't care ♪
770
00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:03,759
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
771
00:51:03,761 --> 00:51:06,462
♪ Baby, just fix up ♪
♪ your hair ♪
772
00:51:06,464 --> 00:51:12,535
♪ It doesn't matter ♪
♪ what you wear to me ♪
773
00:51:12,537 --> 00:51:14,670
♪ Get yourself back ♪
♪ in your car ♪
774
00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:17,740
♪ You won't have to ♪
♪ go too far ♪
775
00:51:17,742 --> 00:51:20,743
♪ To see, oh, baby ♪
776
00:51:20,745 --> 00:51:22,678
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
777
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,847
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
778
00:51:24,849 --> 00:51:26,615
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
779
00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,717
♪ Out on the floor ♪
780
00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:30,753
♪ Come on, now, hurry ♪
781
00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:32,788
♪ There's always something ♪
♪ we can do ♪
782
00:51:32,790 --> 00:51:36,559
Yo, baby. Why be with a hero
when you can dance with a zero?
783
00:51:36,561 --> 00:51:38,761
♪ Don't have to worry ♪
784
00:51:38,763 --> 00:51:42,098
♪ As long as I'm out there ♪
♪ with you ♪
785
00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:44,800
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
786
00:51:44,802 --> 00:51:47,203
♪ Baby, just fix up ♪
♪ your hair ♪
787
00:51:47,205 --> 00:51:53,209
♪ It doesn't matter ♪
♪ what you wear to me ♪
788
00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:55,377
♪ Get yourself back ♪
♪ in your car ♪
789
00:51:55,379 --> 00:51:57,880
♪ You won't have to ♪
♪ go too far… ♪
790
00:51:57,882 --> 00:52:00,516
- Whoa.
- Hey, hey, hey!
791
00:52:00,518 --> 00:52:01,851
Back off, Jack!
792
00:52:01,853 --> 00:52:04,386
The lucky lady's
with me, all right?
793
00:52:04,388 --> 00:52:06,255
And don't be copping
my dance moves.
794
00:52:06,257 --> 00:52:08,724
I'll dance with you both.
I don't care.
795
00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:10,493
No, no, no.
You don't understand.
796
00:52:10,495 --> 00:52:12,728
He can't dance.
797
00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:15,531
All right. I know
he can't do this.
798
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,335
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
799
00:52:19,337 --> 00:52:21,637
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
800
00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:24,240
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
801
00:52:24,242 --> 00:52:25,808
♪ Out on the floor ♪
802
00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:27,576
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
803
00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:29,812
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
804
00:52:29,814 --> 00:52:31,647
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
805
00:52:31,649 --> 00:52:34,383
- ♪ Out on the floor ♪
- Yeah, go!
806
00:52:34,385 --> 00:52:36,152
♪ Shake all night ♪
807
00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:38,320
♪ Don't you ♪
♪ want to shake it? ♪
808
00:52:40,223 --> 00:52:43,526
♪ Come on, shake it, baby ♪
809
00:52:43,528 --> 00:52:44,894
♪ Shake it, baby ♪
810
00:52:44,896 --> 00:52:46,862
♪ Shake it, baby, ♪
♪ shake it ♪
811
00:52:46,864 --> 00:52:48,697
♪ Dance all night ♪
812
00:52:48,699 --> 00:52:50,666
♪ Out on the floor ♪
813
00:52:57,374 --> 00:52:58,774
Come on, man.
814
00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:04,747
Hot damn!
Hot damn!
815
00:53:07,684 --> 00:53:12,254
♪ There's nothing ♪
♪ I'd rather do ♪
816
00:53:12,256 --> 00:53:16,759
♪ Right here ♪
♪ while you're mine ♪
817
00:53:16,761 --> 00:53:19,662
♪ Being here with you ♪
818
00:53:19,664 --> 00:53:22,965
♪ Leaving it ♪
♪ all behind, baby ♪
819
00:53:25,735 --> 00:53:28,737
All right!
Hey! Whoo!
820
00:53:39,216 --> 00:53:41,317
♪ Baby, just fix up ♪
♪ your hair ♪
821
00:53:41,319 --> 00:53:47,289
♪ It doesn't matter ♪
♪ what you wear to me ♪
822
00:53:47,291 --> 00:53:49,425
♪ Get yourself back ♪
♪ in your car ♪
823
00:53:49,427 --> 00:53:52,428
♪ You won't have to ♪
♪ go too far ♪
824
00:53:52,430 --> 00:53:55,397
♪ To see, oh, baby ♪
825
00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:57,433
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
826
00:53:57,435 --> 00:53:59,568
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
827
00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,670
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
828
00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:03,672
♪ Out on the floor ♪
829
00:54:03,674 --> 00:54:05,608
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake all night ♪
830
00:54:05,610 --> 00:54:07,543
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake it right ♪
831
00:54:07,545 --> 00:54:10,246
♪ Baby gonna ♪
♪ shake so fast ♪
832
00:54:10,248 --> 00:54:12,281
♪ Out on the floor ♪
833
00:54:12,283 --> 00:54:13,482
♪ Shake all night ♪
834
00:54:13,484 --> 00:54:16,885
- Damn!
- ♪ Baby. ♪
835
00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:28,564
I'm going home with him.
836
00:54:28,566 --> 00:54:31,467
I'm going home with him.
837
00:54:31,469 --> 00:54:33,435
I'm going home with him.
838
00:54:35,839 --> 00:54:37,740
Bitch.
839
00:54:37,742 --> 00:54:41,377
You know, I don't even know
what planet you're from.
840
00:54:41,379 --> 00:54:42,878
Jhazalla.
841
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:46,382
Oh. We've only been
as far as the moon.
842
00:54:49,886 --> 00:54:51,887
You know, at first,
843
00:54:51,889 --> 00:54:53,756
I thought you kind of looked
844
00:54:53,758 --> 00:54:56,492
like a giant bigfoot
or something,
845
00:54:56,494 --> 00:55:00,462
but now, I mean, if I didn't
know you were an alien,
846
00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:03,332
I would just think that you were
847
00:55:03,334 --> 00:55:05,401
a really cute guy…
848
00:55:05,403 --> 00:55:07,836
who, I'm sure, has a girlfriend.
849
00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:11,307
No Mr. Right girlfriend.
850
00:55:21,017 --> 00:55:22,985
(WIPLOC YODELING)
851
00:55:24,854 --> 00:55:27,356
My God, that's Wiploc.
852
00:55:27,358 --> 00:55:29,858
♪ Hit me ♪
853
00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:32,561
MAN:
All right! All right!
854
00:55:46,943 --> 00:55:49,044
- Give me your autograph.
- On my forehead.
855
00:55:49,046 --> 00:55:50,846
Sign these.
856
00:55:53,983 --> 00:55:56,952
Candy, I can't believe you're frenching
an alien in front of all these people.
857
00:55:56,954 --> 00:55:58,921
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
858
00:56:01,758 --> 00:56:05,728
We go, okay? Come on. Wiploc.
859
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:09,098
No, I want to be zero.
I want to be zero.
860
00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:13,402
- No, no, no.
- (SCREAMING)
861
00:56:17,540 --> 00:56:20,442
Candy, uh, I'll call ya.
862
00:56:20,444 --> 00:56:23,379
- Oh, what was it like?
- Oh, my God! You're so lucky!
863
00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:25,681
Did you get his number?
864
00:56:25,683 --> 00:56:28,384
I want his baby.
865
00:56:30,587 --> 00:56:32,388
Sweetheart?
866
00:56:32,390 --> 00:56:34,390
Sweetheart, I'm sorry.
867
00:56:34,392 --> 00:56:36,091
Val?
868
00:56:39,596 --> 00:56:41,730
Honey?
869
00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:43,866
Hey, Val?
870
00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,906
What?
Oh, wait a second.
871
00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,409
They said the Commodore
would stand up to anything.
872
00:56:53,411 --> 00:56:55,077
- (BOWLING BALL THUDS)
- Ow!
873
00:56:55,079 --> 00:56:58,614
Beemer?
Beemer?
874
00:57:00,483 --> 00:57:02,684
Beemer.
(MIMICS FISH SOUND)
875
00:57:02,686 --> 00:57:05,521
Astin, where's Martin?
876
00:57:05,523 --> 00:57:07,623
Where's Martin? Where's Val?
Alright, don't… don't panic.
877
00:57:07,625 --> 00:57:10,893
She probably wasn't here
when it happened.
878
00:57:10,895 --> 00:57:13,028
Operator, give me the police.
This is an emergency.
879
00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:14,997
(YELLING)
880
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,168
(DOG BARKING)
881
00:57:26,643 --> 00:57:29,912
Police?
This is Dr. Gallagher.
882
00:57:29,914 --> 00:57:32,648
I'd like to report a break-in
883
00:57:32,650 --> 00:57:35,717
and… and a possible kidnapping.
884
00:57:35,719 --> 00:57:37,953
Oh, God.
Ted's here.
885
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:41,023
You guys, act human, okay?
886
00:57:41,025 --> 00:57:43,926
Just act human.
887
00:57:43,928 --> 00:57:46,228
Oh, sweetheart,
you're all right.
888
00:57:46,230 --> 00:57:49,198
Oh, I was so worried about you.
889
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,700
When I came home, the house
was totally wrecked.
890
00:57:51,702 --> 00:57:54,803
(ELECTRIC RAZOR BUZZING)
891
00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:58,507
- Who are they?
- Who? Those guys?
892
00:57:58,509 --> 00:58:00,576
- Yeah.
- A band.
893
00:58:00,578 --> 00:58:03,579
- Boy, I'm totally clear.
- (HUMMING)
894
00:58:03,581 --> 00:58:06,882
- ZEEBO: What's up, Doc?
- You mean like a rock 'n' roll band?
895
00:58:06,884 --> 00:58:09,184
What are you doing
with a band, Val?
896
00:58:09,186 --> 00:58:11,854
I won them on MTV.
897
00:58:11,856 --> 00:58:14,857
I won an MTV weekend
with a band.
898
00:58:14,859 --> 00:58:17,826
Hi. I am, uh, Mac.
899
00:58:17,828 --> 00:58:19,595
How is it hanging,
Mr. Dude?
900
00:58:19,597 --> 00:58:22,664
- Dr. Dude.
- Dr. Dude.
901
00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:24,766
Oh, no, Val.
Wait a minute.
902
00:58:24,768 --> 00:58:26,768
Listen, I came home
to talk to you alone.
903
00:58:26,770 --> 00:58:29,204
I'm sorry, fellas.
This is private.
904
00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:31,673
- I'm sure you won't mind when I ask you to leave.
- Oh, leave? No, no.
905
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:34,209
They can't leave. They're
spending the weekend.
906
00:58:34,211 --> 00:58:36,812
No, no, Val. They can't
spend the weekend.
907
00:58:36,814 --> 00:58:39,781
- This is my house. I say they're out of here.
- Your house? Wait, wait, wait.
908
00:58:39,783 --> 00:58:42,150
I think I threw
you out, Dr. Love.
909
00:58:42,152 --> 00:58:44,019
Oh, yeah? Well, now I'm
gonna throw them out.
910
00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:45,854
- So what about that?
- No, you're not.
911
00:58:45,856 --> 00:58:47,856
- Yes, I am. They're out of…
- No…
912
00:58:47,858 --> 00:58:50,125
- I won them. I get to…
- What?
913
00:58:50,127 --> 00:58:55,797
- You're tearing me apart!
- Val, these guys are too weird.
914
00:58:55,799 --> 00:58:58,634
- You have no business being with people like that.
- Listen, I never won a band
915
00:58:58,636 --> 00:59:00,736
before and I get them for the whole
weekend, so they're staying.
916
00:59:00,738 --> 00:59:02,738
I want you to be happy.
That's fine, but…
917
00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,806
- Dr. Dude?
- What is it now?
918
00:59:04,808 --> 00:59:06,108
- (SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE)
- (SCREAMS)
919
00:59:06,110 --> 00:59:09,044
- For you is good.
- You animal!
920
00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:12,147
I oughta give you a tracheotomy.
921
00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:14,316
- Do you know who that was? That was Mercedes.
- No, Ted, don't!
922
00:59:14,318 --> 00:59:16,985
My most expensive fish! Do you
know how much Mercedes cost me?!
923
00:59:16,987 --> 00:59:19,321
- He cost me 300 bucks!
- Hey, what's going on here?
924
00:59:19,323 --> 00:59:21,189
All right, all right.
Break it up.
925
00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:24,059
- Hey, hey! Come on!
- Break it up.
926
00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:27,663
- What are you doing?
- Who's Dr. Gallagher?
927
00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:31,333
- I'm Dr. Gallagher.
- Uh-huh. I'm Officer Demonte.
928
00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:33,168
This is Officer Murphy.
929
00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:35,904
You reported a break-in
and possible kidnapping?
930
00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:40,208
Yes, I did, officer, but, thank
God, she's here now and she's fine.
931
00:59:40,210 --> 00:59:43,779
However, these degenerates
broke into my home
932
00:59:43,781 --> 00:59:46,949
and destroyed my property and I
want them arrested right now.
933
00:59:46,951 --> 00:59:48,784
- They're MTV scum!
- All right.
934
00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:51,687
Ma'am, you mind telling us
what's really going on here?
935
00:59:51,689 --> 00:59:55,157
Officer, sir, this man
does not live here anymore,
936
00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:57,159
and he's strangling my guests.
937
00:59:57,161 --> 01:00:00,829
- He was eating my Blue-Gilled Dorky.
- Hey, watch your mouth!
938
01:00:00,831 --> 01:00:04,800
10-13. We got
a false report.
939
01:00:04,802 --> 01:00:07,669
Just a domestic dispute.
940
01:00:07,671 --> 01:00:10,973
His girlfriend dumped
him for a rock band.
941
01:00:10,975 --> 01:00:13,675
- That's bullshit!
- Hey, buddy.
942
01:00:13,677 --> 01:00:15,744
Maybe you need to go
someplace and cool off, huh?
943
01:00:15,746 --> 01:00:17,379
Let go of me!
I'm a doctor!
944
01:00:17,381 --> 01:00:20,015
Good, if we have to bust your arm,
you can put on your own cast.
945
01:00:20,017 --> 01:00:23,752
You're right, Val. There is a
lot I don't know about you,
946
01:00:23,754 --> 01:00:26,688
but if you thought I was gonna
spend the rest of my life with you
947
01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:30,826
and your weird friends and that
psychotic cat of yours, you're crazy!
948
01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:34,029
- The wedding's off, Val!
- Come on, buddy.
949
01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:41,269
ZEEBO: You wanna
dance with a zero?
950
01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:43,305
I'm sorry.
951
01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:46,141
I think I have to
go to my room now.
952
01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:58,286
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
953
01:01:21,744 --> 01:01:23,779
Is Ted coming back?
954
01:01:26,082 --> 01:01:27,883
(SIGHS)
955
01:01:27,885 --> 01:01:31,186
No. Ted doesn't
wanna come back.
956
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,188
I don't know what Ted wants,
957
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:35,891
but it's not me.
958
01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:38,293
What does Valerie want?
959
01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:44,199
I don't know.
I just wanna be happy.
960
01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:46,068
Mac could make Valerie happy.
961
01:01:48,404 --> 01:01:52,240
Thanks, but I don't think anybody could
make me feel very good right now.
962
01:01:52,242 --> 01:01:56,912
Mac could make Valerie feel
very, very good.
963
01:01:58,915 --> 01:02:01,416
Wait a minute. Are you,
like, coming on to me?
964
01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:04,319
Is this a pass? Because,
I mean, if it is,
965
01:02:04,321 --> 01:02:07,255
sex is, like, totally
out of the question.
966
01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:09,257
What is sex?
967
01:02:09,259 --> 01:02:13,428
Sex…
you know, making love.
968
01:02:13,430 --> 01:02:16,331
A man and a woman
like each other,
969
01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:18,867
and they take
their clothes off, and…
970
01:02:18,869 --> 01:02:22,137
- Okay.
- Well, no, no, no!
971
01:02:22,139 --> 01:02:25,941
We can't. No, because,
I mean, me and Ted are, uh…
972
01:02:25,943 --> 01:02:28,076
well, I guess we're not,
but, I mean, uh…
973
01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:31,012
we can't because, I mean,
you're an alien,
974
01:02:31,014 --> 01:02:33,048
and I'm from the valley.
975
01:02:33,050 --> 01:02:36,885
We may not even be, you know,
anatomically correct for each other.
976
01:02:36,887 --> 01:02:38,954
That could be a real problem.
977
01:02:38,956 --> 01:02:42,090
(ZIPPER UNZIPS)
978
01:02:42,092 --> 01:02:45,327
No problem. But, I
mean, uh, no, no, no.
979
01:02:45,329 --> 01:02:48,330
I mean, it just wouldn't work.
980
01:02:48,332 --> 01:02:51,199
You're from out of town. The phone
bills would just be hell…
981
01:02:51,201 --> 01:02:53,435
Shh.
982
01:02:53,437 --> 01:02:56,471
Well, I just don't
want you to think
983
01:02:56,473 --> 01:03:00,976
- Earth girls are easy.
- What is easy?
984
01:03:00,978 --> 01:03:03,178
This is easy.
985
01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:59,094
(SCREAMS)
986
01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:06,067
(SCREAMS)
987
01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:09,504
- (SIREN BLARING)
- Oh!
988
01:05:21,550 --> 01:05:24,052
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
989
01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:27,122
- I told you not to have fun.
- I wasn't.
990
01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:33,128
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
991
01:05:43,039 --> 01:05:44,406
Help!
992
01:05:59,455 --> 01:06:01,323
Ted!
993
01:06:03,459 --> 01:06:05,460
Help!
994
01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:09,030
Uh-oh.
Uh, don't go anywhere.
995
01:06:09,032 --> 01:06:10,632
I've been paged.
996
01:06:10,634 --> 01:06:13,601
- Oh, sweetheart.
- Ted.
997
01:06:13,603 --> 01:06:15,403
- Ted, make it stop.
- Oh, hey.
998
01:06:15,405 --> 01:06:17,238
Ted.
999
01:06:19,075 --> 01:06:21,609
What happened to my fish?
1000
01:06:24,613 --> 01:06:26,581
Ted!
1001
01:06:34,223 --> 01:06:36,191
Beemer!
1002
01:06:36,193 --> 01:06:38,994
Your face!
What happened?
1003
01:06:38,996 --> 01:06:40,395
(FROG CROAKS)
1004
01:06:47,036 --> 01:06:50,505
Don't!
1005
01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:52,540
Stop it, stop it!
1006
01:06:57,346 --> 01:06:59,147
(SCREAMS)
1007
01:07:32,248 --> 01:07:33,815
Hi.
1008
01:07:35,151 --> 01:07:36,518
Hi.
1009
01:07:40,823 --> 01:07:44,592
God, I had the weirdest
dream last night.
1010
01:07:44,594 --> 01:07:46,761
- All I remember is…
- Shh.
1011
01:07:52,435 --> 01:07:55,236
(TWO HEARTBEATS)
1012
01:07:55,238 --> 01:07:57,839
You have
the strangest heartbeat.
1013
01:07:57,841 --> 01:08:00,442
Sounds like you have two hearts.
1014
01:08:00,444 --> 01:08:03,445
Yes.
Don't you?
1015
01:08:04,747 --> 01:08:06,848
No, I just have one.
1016
01:08:08,451 --> 01:08:10,718
Tell me about Zimbabwe.
1017
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:15,323
- Jhazalla?
- Jhazalla. Is it like Earth?
1018
01:08:15,325 --> 01:08:17,592
Yes. It's beautiful.
1019
01:08:17,594 --> 01:08:19,594
Sounds neat.
1020
01:08:19,596 --> 01:08:23,598
- Is driving a UFO a good job?
- Oh, yes.
1021
01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:26,434
- Do you own your own home or do you rent?
- (KNOCKS ON WINDOW)
1022
01:08:26,436 --> 01:08:28,236
No water.
Come look.
1023
01:08:30,172 --> 01:08:32,373
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1024
01:08:51,427 --> 01:08:53,394
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1025
01:09:36,372 --> 01:09:37,906
Hi, guys.
1026
01:09:37,908 --> 01:09:39,674
Hope instant decaf is okay.
1027
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:41,442
Breakfast is on the way.
1028
01:09:41,444 --> 01:09:43,645
I'm making pancakes
from scratch.
1029
01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:46,314
Yeah. Valerie, uh…
1030
01:09:46,316 --> 01:09:48,449
we can go home now.
1031
01:09:48,451 --> 01:09:50,852
Oh.
1032
01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:53,588
Gee… that's great.
1033
01:09:55,457 --> 01:09:59,594
Wow. I didn't think
it would be so soon.
1034
01:09:59,596 --> 01:10:02,363
Yeah.
1035
01:10:02,365 --> 01:10:04,632
That's, uh, that's really good.
1036
01:10:06,569 --> 01:10:10,371
Yeah. Uh, Valerie…
1037
01:10:10,373 --> 01:10:15,376
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)
- Well, I better go get that.
1038
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:16,811
WOODY:
Pool man!
1039
01:10:18,614 --> 01:10:20,682
Hey, dudes, what's happening?
1040
01:10:21,817 --> 01:10:24,619
- Woody.
- Woody.
1041
01:10:24,621 --> 01:10:26,654
What is this?
1042
01:10:26,656 --> 01:10:29,290
- A spaceship?
- Spaceship?
1043
01:10:29,292 --> 01:10:32,493
(LAUGHS)
1044
01:10:32,495 --> 01:10:34,696
- No way, Jose, Woody.
- No.
1045
01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:36,631
- What is it, then?
- A car.
1046
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:39,534
Oh! That's why she
wanted me to drain it.
1047
01:10:39,536 --> 01:10:41,769
She drove her car into the pool.
1048
01:10:41,771 --> 01:10:44,606
I'm always doing that.
1049
01:10:44,608 --> 01:10:47,008
Pretty rad car, though.
Where is it made?
1050
01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:48,876
Finland.
1051
01:10:48,878 --> 01:10:50,311
- Finland.
- Finland.
1052
01:10:50,313 --> 01:10:52,447
Oh, I heard of that.
1053
01:10:52,449 --> 01:10:56,317
Ted, bringing that girl
here was inexcusable,
1054
01:10:56,319 --> 01:10:59,287
but now that I've slept on it,
1055
01:10:59,289 --> 01:11:00,755
I could probably forgive you,
1056
01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,924
but what about
calling off the wedding?
1057
01:11:02,926 --> 01:11:05,460
Sweetheart, I didn't mean that.
1058
01:11:05,462 --> 01:11:08,496
Marrying you is the most important
thing in the world right now.
1059
01:11:08,498 --> 01:11:11,499
I need you to take care of me.
1060
01:11:11,501 --> 01:11:15,503
And I promise, I won't so much as look
at another woman, so long as I live.
1061
01:11:15,505 --> 01:11:19,907
Well, unless, of course, I'm
giving her a physical examination.
1062
01:11:19,909 --> 01:11:21,609
Well, I hope not.
1063
01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:25,280
A relationship is a lot like
a porcelain nail, Ted.
1064
01:11:25,282 --> 01:11:27,849
You can break it and you
can glue it back together,
1065
01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:29,984
but it's not gonna be
as strong as it was
1066
01:11:29,986 --> 01:11:33,388
unless the person is really committed
and not bringing home nurses.
1067
01:11:33,390 --> 01:11:36,524
Whoa, you should've
seen me today, man.
1068
01:11:36,526 --> 01:11:39,527
Nothing but radical rips
all the way in.
1069
01:11:39,529 --> 01:11:42,063
You want some slushy?
1070
01:11:42,065 --> 01:11:45,967
Yeah, I was barely off my board
and the wahines are all over me.
1071
01:11:45,969 --> 01:11:48,469
Ew! Wahines!
1072
01:11:48,471 --> 01:11:52,040
Wahines.
You know, girls.
1073
01:11:52,042 --> 01:11:54,976
- Girls?
- You know girls?
1074
01:11:54,978 --> 01:11:57,345
Does the Woodburger know girls?
1075
01:11:57,347 --> 01:12:00,882
Pinocchio got a wooden butt?
1076
01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:04,485
I could fix you up with some
bodacious chicks just like that.
1077
01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:07,655
- Don't believe me?
- Like that.
1078
01:12:07,657 --> 01:12:11,559
Come on. Let's hit the beach.
Ride the wild bikinis!
1079
01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,862
- We go get Candy?
- Yeah.
1080
01:12:14,864 --> 01:12:17,665
Candy, gum, beer nuts,
anything you want.
1081
01:12:17,667 --> 01:12:20,034
Twizzlers. I got some Milk Duds.
1082
01:12:20,036 --> 01:12:22,036
You oughta lay off
coffee, though, man.
1083
01:12:22,038 --> 01:12:23,671
It'll kill you in a day.
1084
01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:25,340
I know where I'm gonna take you.
1085
01:12:25,342 --> 01:12:27,508
I'm gonna take you
to Zuma Beach.
1086
01:12:27,510 --> 01:12:31,479
I need surprises.
I need romance.
1087
01:12:31,481 --> 01:12:33,414
I mean, how long has it been
since you said
1088
01:12:33,416 --> 01:12:36,584
I love you, I need you,
1089
01:12:36,586 --> 01:12:38,853
I'm crazy about you?
1090
01:12:41,123 --> 01:12:42,790
Well, Ted?
1091
01:12:42,792 --> 01:12:44,859
Get in the car, will you?
1092
01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,895
Wiploc. Zeebo.
1093
01:12:47,897 --> 01:12:51,432
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1094
01:12:51,434 --> 01:12:54,736
Zeebo going to Zuma Beach!
1095
01:12:54,738 --> 01:12:56,104
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1096
01:12:56,106 --> 01:12:58,906
Zeebo!
Wiploc!
1097
01:12:58,908 --> 01:13:02,510
Hey, dudes. I just
remembered something.
1098
01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:05,646
What was it? Oh, yeah.
At the beach today,
1099
01:13:05,648 --> 01:13:08,783
- they're having a blond-of-the-month contest.
- Blond?
1100
01:13:08,785 --> 01:13:13,154
Yeah, you know, blonde beach bunnies.
California's finest.
1101
01:13:27,736 --> 01:13:30,738
♪ Because I'm blond ♪
♪ I don't have to think ♪
1102
01:13:30,740 --> 01:13:33,641
♪ I talk like a baby ♪
♪ and I never pay for drinks ♪
1103
01:13:33,643 --> 01:13:36,511
♪ Don't have to worry ♪
♪ about getting a man ♪
1104
01:13:36,513 --> 01:13:38,946
♪ If I keep this blond ♪
♪ and I keep these tanned ♪
1105
01:13:38,948 --> 01:13:41,816
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1106
01:13:41,818 --> 01:13:44,585
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1107
01:13:44,587 --> 01:13:47,789
♪ I see people working, ♪
♪ it just makes me giggle ♪
1108
01:13:47,791 --> 01:13:50,691
♪ 'Cause I don't have to work, ♪
♪ I just have to jiggle ♪
1109
01:13:50,693 --> 01:13:53,161
♪ 'Cause I'm blond, ♪
♪ b-l-o-n-d ♪
1110
01:13:53,163 --> 01:13:56,063
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ don't you wish you were me? ♪
1111
01:13:56,065 --> 01:13:58,966
♪ I never learned to read ♪
♪ and I never learned to cook ♪
1112
01:13:58,968 --> 01:14:02,036
♪ Why should I bother ♪
♪ when I look like I look? ♪
1113
01:14:02,038 --> 01:14:04,539
♪ I know lots of people ♪
♪ are smarter than me ♪
1114
01:14:04,541 --> 01:14:08,609
♪ But I have this ♪
♪ philosophy… so what? ♪
1115
01:14:10,646 --> 01:14:13,514
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1116
01:14:13,516 --> 01:14:16,451
♪ I see girls without dates ♪
♪ and I feel so sorry for them ♪
1117
01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:19,053
♪ 'Cause whenever I'm around ♪
♪ all the men ignore them ♪
1118
01:14:19,055 --> 01:14:21,722
♪ 'Cause I'm blond, ♪
♪ nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
1119
01:14:21,724 --> 01:14:25,059
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ nyah, nyah, nyah ♪
1120
01:14:25,061 --> 01:14:27,795
♪ They say to make it ♪
♪ you need talent and ambition ♪
1121
01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:31,466
♪ Well, I got a TV show ♪
♪ and this was my audition ♪
1122
01:14:31,468 --> 01:14:33,868
Um, okay, what was it?
Okay, don't tell me.
1123
01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:36,003
Oh, yeah, okay.
"Duck, Magnum, duck!"
1124
01:14:36,005 --> 01:14:39,073
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1125
01:14:39,075 --> 01:14:42,610
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1126
01:14:42,612 --> 01:14:45,079
♪ I took an IQ test, ♪
♪ and I flunked it, of course ♪
1127
01:14:45,081 --> 01:14:47,648
♪ I can't spell "VW," ♪
♪ but I got a Porsche ♪
1128
01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:49,984
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ b-l-o-n-d ♪
1129
01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:53,554
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond ♪
♪ don't you wish you were me? ♪
1130
01:14:53,556 --> 01:14:56,657
I just want to say that being
chosen as this month's Miss August
1131
01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:59,260
is, like, a compliment I'll
remember for as long as I can.
1132
01:14:59,262 --> 01:15:01,896
Right now, I'm a freshman
in my fourth year at U.C.L.A.
1133
01:15:01,898 --> 01:15:04,932
But my goal is to become a
veterinarian 'cause I love children.
1134
01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:07,635
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1135
01:15:07,637 --> 01:15:10,838
♪ 'Cause we're a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1136
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:13,708
♪ Girls think I'm snotty ♪
♪ and maybe it's true ♪
1137
01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:16,511
♪ With my hair and body ♪
♪ you would be, too ♪
1138
01:15:16,513 --> 01:15:19,280
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ b-l… I don't know ♪
1139
01:15:19,282 --> 01:15:21,849
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1140
01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,919
♪ Yes, I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1141
01:15:24,921 --> 01:15:27,688
♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
1142
01:15:32,294 --> 01:15:35,663
(MAN ON RADIO)
1143
01:15:35,665 --> 01:15:37,899
Hey, dudes.
1144
01:15:37,901 --> 01:15:39,700
Dudes, come on.
Snap out of it.
1145
01:15:39,702 --> 01:15:41,669
- We're making a pit stop.
- Pit stop?
1146
01:15:51,713 --> 01:15:55,316
- Bang! Bang!
- Hello, Opie.
1147
01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,654
Bryan, come on over here!
1148
01:15:59,656 --> 01:16:01,689
Will you get in this car
right now?
1149
01:16:01,691 --> 01:16:04,692
Mom, he's got my gun!
1150
01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:07,328
How many times have I told you
not to tell fibs like that!
1151
01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:10,831
Hey, leave home, kid!
1152
01:16:10,833 --> 01:16:14,769
Hey, dudes! Listen. Since
I'm springing for the gas,
1153
01:16:14,771 --> 01:16:17,338
why don't you go pick up some
brews and some sandwich stuff.
1154
01:16:17,340 --> 01:16:20,308
BOTH: Some brews
and some sandwich stuff.
1155
01:16:20,310 --> 01:16:23,311
Yeah, you know, like, bread and junk.
Okay, dudes?
1156
01:16:23,313 --> 01:16:26,814
- Okay, dude.
- (GROANS)
1157
01:16:26,816 --> 01:16:28,916
Bread and junk.
1158
01:16:33,288 --> 01:16:35,990
- Give us bread.
- We need junk.
1159
01:16:35,992 --> 01:16:38,826
Don't shoot. Don't shoot.
I just work here.
1160
01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:42,797
I'm an American.
There. Take it.
1161
01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,098
- (BELL DINGING)
- Take it all.
1162
01:16:45,367 --> 01:16:49,670
- Where is Candy?
- Candy? Oh!
1163
01:16:49,672 --> 01:16:51,205
Right here. Take as
much as you want.
1164
01:16:56,078 --> 01:16:58,779
- Thank you.
- Thank you too much.
1165
01:17:00,148 --> 01:17:01,816
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1166
01:17:10,225 --> 01:17:13,294
Hey, troops! Had to
drain the lizard!
1167
01:17:13,296 --> 01:17:15,262
Be right with you.
1168
01:17:18,867 --> 01:17:20,735
Hey, what do I owe you, dude?
1169
01:17:20,737 --> 01:17:22,169
- Get down!
- What?
1170
01:17:22,171 --> 01:17:24,038
Get down!
1171
01:17:26,041 --> 01:17:29,076
I was just held up. They're
still out there. They got guns!
1172
01:17:29,078 --> 01:17:32,647
Guns? My buddies are out there.
1173
01:17:48,830 --> 01:17:51,232
- Where are they, man?
- In that green pile of junk.
1174
01:17:56,238 --> 01:17:59,206
Excuse me.
Could you back up?
1175
01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:01,442
I need to get some unleaded.
1176
01:18:05,047 --> 01:18:07,448
- Back up. Back up.
- Back up. Back up.
1177
01:18:16,124 --> 01:18:18,192
- (SCREAMS)
- (CAR CRASHES)
1178
01:18:20,829 --> 01:18:23,330
- That's my wagon!
- Back up.
1179
01:18:23,332 --> 01:18:26,867
- ♪ Cosmic, cosmic
- (SCREAMS)
1180
01:18:26,869 --> 01:18:29,403
♪ I was having this ♪
♪ out-of-body experience ♪
1181
01:18:29,405 --> 01:18:31,839
♪ Of all these cosmic things ♪
1182
01:18:31,841 --> 01:18:34,041
♪ Everywhere, ♪
♪ I went up there ♪
1183
01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:36,377
♪ They were shakin' ♪
♪ their cosmic things ♪
1184
01:18:36,379 --> 01:18:38,746
♪ Like someone gave you ♪
♪ a wild goose ♪
1185
01:18:38,748 --> 01:18:40,848
♪ Or a freight train ♪
♪ with a loose caboose ♪
1186
01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:43,718
- ♪ You better shake your ♪
- ♪ Honey buns ♪
1187
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,386
♪ Shake your honey buns… ♪
1188
01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:48,355
We are party Martians!
We are MTV scum!
1189
01:18:48,357 --> 01:18:50,858
- ♪ Shake it till the better melts ♪
- ♪ Shake it ♪
1190
01:18:50,860 --> 01:18:53,027
♪ Shake that cosmic thing ♪
1191
01:18:53,029 --> 01:18:55,096
♪ Shake that thing, ♪
♪ shake it ♪
1192
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:57,765
♪ Yeah ♪
1193
01:18:57,767 --> 01:19:00,034
♪ Shake that thing ♪
♪ all night long ♪
1194
01:19:00,036 --> 01:19:02,236
♪ Shake it fast, ♪
♪ you can't go wrong ♪
1195
01:19:02,238 --> 01:19:04,872
♪ Don't let it rest ♪
♪ on the president's desk ♪
1196
01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:07,007
♪ Rock the house ♪
1197
01:19:07,009 --> 01:19:08,442
♪ Cosmic ♪
1198
01:19:08,444 --> 01:19:11,512
- ♪ Woo, cosmic ♪
- (YELLING)
1199
01:19:11,514 --> 01:19:13,948
♪ Cosmic, woo ♪
1200
01:19:13,950 --> 01:19:17,918
- Hey! That looks great!
- ♪ Cosmic, woo ♪
1201
01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:19,320
- ♪Shake it ♪
- ♪Cosmic. ♪
1202
01:19:22,090 --> 01:19:23,791
Hey, guys!
1203
01:19:23,793 --> 01:19:25,526
Brunch is ready.
Come and get it.
1204
01:19:25,528 --> 01:19:27,895
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
1205
01:19:27,897 --> 01:19:30,965
Hey, Valerie. It's Woody.
What's shaking?
1206
01:19:30,967 --> 01:19:33,234
- Hi, Woody.
- Listen, you know your friends…
1207
01:19:33,236 --> 01:19:35,369
those Finland guys?
1208
01:19:35,371 --> 01:19:38,405
- I was taking them to the beach…
- What? They're gone?
1209
01:19:38,407 --> 01:19:40,975
- They're with you?
- No. They were.
1210
01:19:40,977 --> 01:19:44,078
I guess they kind of robbed the
mini mart when I wasn't lookin'
1211
01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:46,113
and then they totaled
the gas station
1212
01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:48,449
and then they ripped off
my van! It was a trip.
1213
01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:50,251
I don't believe this!
Where are you?
1214
01:19:50,253 --> 01:19:52,953
I'm at the mini mart
down the street.
1215
01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:56,023
- Toys 'R' Us.
- That's it? (BOTH LAUGH)
1216
01:19:56,025 --> 01:19:59,927
- You seen Zeebo and Wiploc?
- I got water in this one, man. I can't hear ya.
1217
01:19:59,929 --> 01:20:02,062
I think that might be
one of them now.
1218
01:20:02,064 --> 01:20:04,398
- Are you sure?
- Not really.
1219
01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:06,967
Good enough for me.
1220
01:20:06,969 --> 01:20:10,137
So look… (GROANS)
1221
01:20:10,139 --> 01:20:12,339
What's going on?
Woody!
1222
01:20:12,341 --> 01:20:14,909
What's happening?
1223
01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:18,012
- I gotta go now, Valerie. I'm gettin' my butt kicked.
- Woody!
1224
01:20:22,017 --> 01:20:27,188
- ♪ Well, if you plan to motor West ♪
- (SCREAMING)
1225
01:20:29,224 --> 01:20:31,125
♪ Travel my way ♪
1226
01:20:31,127 --> 01:20:34,295
♪ Take a highway, ♪
♪ that's the best ♪
1227
01:20:36,198 --> 01:20:38,165
♪ And get your kicks ♪
1228
01:20:38,167 --> 01:20:42,169
♪ On Route 66 ♪
1229
01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:43,971
(SCREAMING)
1230
01:20:43,973 --> 01:20:48,442
♪ Well, it winds ♪
♪ from Chicago to L.A. ♪
1231
01:20:50,946 --> 01:20:54,181
- ♪ More than 2,000 miles ♪
- (HORN HONKING)
1232
01:20:54,183 --> 01:20:56,150
- ♪ All the way ♪
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
1233
01:20:57,919 --> 01:21:00,020
♪ Get your kicks ♪
1234
01:21:00,022 --> 01:21:03,424
♪ On Route 66 ♪
1235
01:21:03,426 --> 01:21:05,559
Wiploc!
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1236
01:21:05,561 --> 01:21:07,528
♪ Well, it goes to St. Louis ♪
1237
01:21:07,530 --> 01:21:09,897
- ♪ Down to Missouri ♪
- (HORNS HONKING)
1238
01:21:09,899 --> 01:21:13,033
- ♪ Oklahoma City, it's oh, so pretty ♪
- (SCREAMING)
1239
01:21:13,035 --> 01:21:14,335
♪ You'll see ♪
1240
01:21:14,337 --> 01:21:16,971
♪ Amarillo ♪
1241
01:21:16,973 --> 01:21:20,274
♪ Gallup, New Mexico ♪
1242
01:21:20,276 --> 01:21:23,544
♪ Flagstaff, Arizona, ♪
♪ don't forget Winona ♪
1243
01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:27,314
♪ Kingman, Barstow, ♪
♪ San Bernadino ♪
1244
01:21:27,316 --> 01:21:32,186
- ♪ Won't you get hip to this timely tip? ♪
- (BIRD SQUAWKING)
1245
01:21:32,188 --> 01:21:34,121
(SCREAMING)
1246
01:21:34,123 --> 01:21:39,560
♪ And you'll take ♪
♪ that California trip ♪
1247
01:21:41,263 --> 01:21:46,367
♪ Get your kicks ♪
♪ on Route 66. ♪
1248
01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:49,270
(SIRENS BLARING)
1249
01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:58,979
You have the right
to remain silent.
1250
01:21:58,981 --> 01:22:01,415
Anything you say
can and will be used…
1251
01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:03,450
Hey.
1252
01:22:03,452 --> 01:22:05,619
Jail isn't so bad.
1253
01:22:05,621 --> 01:22:07,588
It's where I learned
how to surf.
1254
01:22:09,057 --> 01:22:11,592
He's dead meat.
You hang 10 now.
1255
01:22:11,594 --> 01:22:13,560
Come on, you guys.
You've gotta believe me.
1256
01:22:13,562 --> 01:22:16,263
- This is all a misunderstanding.
- Sorry, lady.
1257
01:22:16,265 --> 01:22:18,632
- Well, arrest me, too, then.
- Yeah, arrest her.
1258
01:22:18,634 --> 01:22:21,101
- She's a nice lady.
- Stay out of this, flipper.
1259
01:22:21,103 --> 01:22:23,070
OFFICER: We can't. You
didn't do anything.
1260
01:22:26,541 --> 01:22:31,245
- Hey, lady! Don't do that!
- Yeah, go for it!
1261
01:22:31,247 --> 01:22:35,215
MAN: This Paramedic unit 104. We
picked up two victims at Donut Land.
1262
01:22:35,217 --> 01:22:38,052
They fit the description of the
suspects in the mini mart robbery.
1263
01:22:38,054 --> 01:22:40,287
We're taking them to Our
Lady of the Valley Hospital.
1264
01:22:40,289 --> 01:22:42,289
10-13. Copy.
1265
01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,158
That's Ted's hospital.
1266
01:22:44,160 --> 01:22:46,460
We have to get there before
anybody finds out who they are.
1267
01:22:46,462 --> 01:22:50,464
Joe, take us
to hospital, please.
1268
01:22:50,466 --> 01:22:54,435
Hey, clown, you're
going to the slammer.
1269
01:22:54,437 --> 01:22:57,504
We go to slammer first.
1270
01:22:57,506 --> 01:23:01,675
Listen, give them that love touch
and then they'll come on to me.
1271
01:23:01,677 --> 01:23:04,478
They'll be putty in my hands.
1272
01:23:04,480 --> 01:23:06,413
You want sex with Joe and Mike?
1273
01:23:06,415 --> 01:23:10,517
No, no. Just so we can
get away. Do it, do it.
1274
01:23:10,519 --> 01:23:13,087
You'll see.
1275
01:23:19,194 --> 01:23:21,228
Hey!
1276
01:23:21,230 --> 01:23:23,197
How about those Lakers, huh?
1277
01:23:25,700 --> 01:23:28,769
What about those
incredible eyes of yours?
1278
01:23:30,205 --> 01:23:31,739
What?
1279
01:23:31,741 --> 01:23:36,076
They're just this far
from Liz Taylor violet.
1280
01:23:45,253 --> 01:23:47,654
Oh, Michael!
1281
01:23:50,125 --> 01:23:52,092
Joseph.
1282
01:23:53,328 --> 01:23:55,362
Two new patients in emergency…
1283
01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:57,498
Dr. Love.
(LAUGHS)
1284
01:23:59,801 --> 01:24:03,270
♪ It's the summer ♪
♪ of love, love, love ♪
1285
01:24:03,272 --> 01:24:06,607
♪ I'm in love ♪
♪ with the love, love, love ♪
1286
01:24:06,609 --> 01:24:10,644
♪ Everyone transcends here ♪
1287
01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:13,781
♪ I'm thinking of you ♪
1288
01:24:13,783 --> 01:24:15,516
♪ Boy… ♪
1289
01:24:15,518 --> 01:24:18,786
Well, bye, you guys.
Thanks for the lift.
1290
01:24:18,788 --> 01:24:21,355
- I hope things work out.
- BOTH: Bye.
1291
01:24:21,357 --> 01:24:23,590
- Happy house hunting.
- Ciao.
1292
01:24:23,592 --> 01:24:25,626
Thank you very much.
1293
01:24:25,628 --> 01:24:27,594
- Oh, they're such a nice couple.
- I know.
1294
01:24:27,596 --> 01:24:29,229
- Oh, they really are.
- Let's go shake somebody down.
1295
01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:30,397
BOTH: Bye.
1296
01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:34,468
Totally cool time.
1297
01:24:34,470 --> 01:24:37,538
Ridin' cool rips all the way in.
1298
01:24:39,274 --> 01:24:41,809
Great, you two.
1299
01:24:41,811 --> 01:24:44,278
- Hi, Dr. Dude.
- All right, boys.
1300
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:46,647
- The party's over. Settle down.
- Take us to Valerie's house, please.
1301
01:24:46,649 --> 01:24:48,649
We'd like to go
to Valerie's house.
1302
01:24:48,651 --> 01:24:51,151
You're not setting foot in my house again.
Just lie down.
1303
01:24:53,455 --> 01:24:56,557
Excuse me. We're looking for two
patients who were just admitted.
1304
01:24:56,559 --> 01:24:59,259
That's kind of a nasty bump.
1305
01:24:59,261 --> 01:25:01,795
- Does this hurt when I do this?
- (SCREAMS)
1306
01:25:01,797 --> 01:25:03,597
Good.
1307
01:25:03,599 --> 01:25:06,166
Let's just have a
listen here, shall we?
1308
01:25:06,168 --> 01:25:08,135
Surf's up.
Surf's up.
1309
01:25:08,137 --> 01:25:10,104
Leave it alone.
1310
01:25:11,372 --> 01:25:14,141
- Breathe.
- (TWO HEARTBEATS)
1311
01:25:14,143 --> 01:25:17,444
Again.
1312
01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:19,813
Wait a second.
Breathe.
1313
01:25:19,815 --> 01:25:22,783
- Breathe, breathe.
- Shh.
1314
01:25:24,853 --> 01:25:27,354
It's incredible.
1315
01:25:27,356 --> 01:25:30,124
It's amazing.
1316
01:25:30,126 --> 01:25:32,793
You each have two heartbeats.
1317
01:25:32,795 --> 01:25:35,462
Wiploc and Zeebo?
1318
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:37,264
What are their last names?
1319
01:25:37,266 --> 01:25:39,233
They don't have last names.
1320
01:25:39,235 --> 01:25:41,668
They're performers,
you know, like Cher.
1321
01:25:41,670 --> 01:25:43,904
Oh!
1322
01:25:43,906 --> 01:25:46,306
Yes. They're in
the emergency room
1323
01:25:46,308 --> 01:25:48,609
being examined
by Dr. Gallagher.
1324
01:25:48,611 --> 01:25:50,577
Oh!
He'll dissect them.
1325
01:25:52,714 --> 01:25:56,316
You can't go in there.
Medical personnel only.
1326
01:25:56,318 --> 01:25:58,152
We've got to get in there.
1327
01:26:00,355 --> 01:26:02,256
I have an idea,
1328
01:26:02,258 --> 01:26:05,893
but it means doing something
terrible to an innocent person.
1329
01:26:05,895 --> 01:26:07,227
Let's do it.
1330
01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,568
- Which floor?
- Two, please.
1331
01:26:14,570 --> 01:26:17,638
I think I'm gonna enjoy this.
1332
01:26:21,576 --> 01:26:23,610
Feel this?
It's a gun.
1333
01:26:23,612 --> 01:26:25,479
- What are you doing?
- Shut up and start walking.
1334
01:26:25,481 --> 01:26:28,849
Come on.
Come in here.
1335
01:26:30,852 --> 01:26:34,588
- Help. She's got a gun.
- Take off your uniform.
1336
01:26:34,590 --> 01:26:37,958
- What?
- Take it off! Quick!
1337
01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:41,495
- I know you. You're Ted's girlfriend.
- Strip.
1338
01:26:41,497 --> 01:26:44,198
Oh, look. I don't want
any part of you or Ted
1339
01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:47,301
- or your kinky sex trips.
- I said strip!
1340
01:26:47,303 --> 01:26:49,269
She said strip.
1341
01:26:52,674 --> 01:26:55,842
- The call button. Push the call button.
- Nuh-uh.
1342
01:26:55,844 --> 01:26:57,911
You'll go to prison for this.
1343
01:26:57,913 --> 01:27:01,982
- Excuse me.
- For molesting me, for having a gun…
1344
01:27:01,984 --> 01:27:03,884
Well, I don't have a real gun.
1345
01:27:12,527 --> 01:27:15,562
- Your heart…
- Excuse me, Doctor.
1346
01:27:15,564 --> 01:27:17,731
This doctor's here to
pick up these patients.
1347
01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:19,666
Oh, no, no, no, no. These
guys aren't going anywhere.
1348
01:27:19,668 --> 01:27:22,769
I'm admitting them both for
observation under my care.
1349
01:27:22,771 --> 01:27:25,539
- They seem okay to me, Doctor.
- Nurse, why don't you listen
1350
01:27:25,541 --> 01:27:27,507
to their hearts, and
tell me what you hear.
1351
01:27:28,843 --> 01:27:31,678
♪ Cover of ♪
♪ "Time" Magazine ♪
1352
01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:34,314
♪ Man of the year ♪
1353
01:27:34,316 --> 01:27:36,883
♪ Yes, I'll be rich and famous, ♪
♪ money, money, money, money. ♪
1354
01:27:36,885 --> 01:27:39,353
- I'll be on "The Today Show."
- Shh, Zeebo, it's me.
1355
01:27:39,355 --> 01:27:41,989
- Invitation to the White House.
- He sounds perfectly normal to me, Doctor.
1356
01:27:41,991 --> 01:27:43,790
Oh, no, no.
That's impossible.
1357
01:27:43,792 --> 01:27:46,727
They each have two
distinct heartbeats.
1358
01:27:46,729 --> 01:27:48,662
Try me, Doctor.
1359
01:27:48,664 --> 01:27:50,631
Yes.
Yes, I could try you.
1360
01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:53,867
(MIMICS TWO HEARTBEATS)
1361
01:27:57,872 --> 01:28:00,774
Oh, my God!
You, too.
1362
01:28:02,010 --> 01:28:04,044
(MACHINES BEEPING)
1363
01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:10,017
It's my beeper!
1364
01:28:10,019 --> 01:28:12,686
No, no, no. My beeper's
never done this before.
1365
01:28:12,688 --> 01:28:15,422
- (TELEPHONE RINGING) - Could
you get the phone, Doctor?
1366
01:28:15,424 --> 01:28:16,890
(MIMICS TED'S VOICE)
What phone, doctor?
1367
01:28:19,060 --> 01:28:20,827
Hello?
1368
01:28:20,829 --> 01:28:23,297
Doctor, I'm afraid
you must be hearing things.
1369
01:28:23,299 --> 01:28:25,299
(DOGS BARKING)
1370
01:28:25,301 --> 01:28:28,468
- (YODELING)
- (HORSE NEIGHING)
1371
01:28:30,438 --> 01:28:32,406
Is there something
wrong, Doctor?
1372
01:28:32,408 --> 01:28:34,574
Oh, hello, Doctor. Should I
call you a doctor, Doctor?
1373
01:28:34,576 --> 01:28:37,544
No! Please,
just make it stop!
1374
01:28:37,546 --> 01:28:40,013
- I can't stand it.
- (RINGING CONTINUES)
1375
01:28:42,684 --> 01:28:44,651
(FEET THUD)
1376
01:28:51,826 --> 01:28:55,529
You guys, you came this close
to being a science project.
1377
01:28:55,531 --> 01:28:57,497
Come on.
1378
01:28:57,499 --> 01:28:59,499
Ted's car!
Follow me.
1379
01:29:03,471 --> 01:29:04,971
Quick!
Get in quick!
1380
01:29:04,973 --> 01:29:07,607
Oh! Oh, God!
Here comes Ted!
1381
01:29:07,609 --> 01:29:09,576
Hide!
Get down and hide.
1382
01:29:13,448 --> 01:29:16,950
Valerie? Sweetheart,
I'm so glad to see you.
1383
01:29:16,952 --> 01:29:20,354
Can we go home? These last
two days have been hell.
1384
01:29:20,356 --> 01:29:24,758
It's effecting my work. Sweetheart, I
actually think I've been hearing things.
1385
01:29:24,760 --> 01:29:26,960
- No.
- Oh, Val, could you drive?
1386
01:29:26,962 --> 01:29:30,430
- Please, Valerie.
- Okay, Ted. Here.
1387
01:29:30,432 --> 01:29:32,866
- Get in, honey.
- I'm so exhausted.
1388
01:29:35,069 --> 01:29:36,937
TED: You know, I thought a
lot about what you said
1389
01:29:36,939 --> 01:29:39,039
and I've decided
to do something impulsive.
1390
01:29:39,041 --> 01:29:41,141
Let's go to Vegas tonight
and get married.
1391
01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:43,143
Tonight?
1392
01:29:43,145 --> 01:29:46,046
Well, wait a minute. What about the
church and my dress and everything?
1393
01:29:46,048 --> 01:29:49,449
We can do the big church wedding later.
Just like you planned.
1394
01:29:50,518 --> 01:29:53,153
Well… what do you say?
1395
01:29:53,155 --> 01:29:56,156
Well, I don't know.
I'm just so surprised.
1396
01:29:56,158 --> 01:29:59,993
Come on.
You wanted surprises.
1397
01:29:59,995 --> 01:30:02,462
Ted.
1398
01:30:02,464 --> 01:30:04,431
(THEME FROM "LOVE STORY"
PLAYING)
1399
01:30:24,018 --> 01:30:26,987
You gotta bring that
one-piece night thing,
1400
01:30:26,989 --> 01:30:29,923
that, uh, corset that
looks like underwear.
1401
01:30:39,734 --> 01:30:43,069
What is it now?
Something old…
1402
01:30:43,071 --> 01:30:45,972
oh!
These pantyhose are old.
1403
01:30:45,974 --> 01:30:48,074
Something new.
1404
01:30:48,076 --> 01:30:49,943
This veil is new.
1405
01:30:51,946 --> 01:30:53,914
Dr. Tushman, please.
1406
01:30:55,616 --> 01:30:57,451
Barbara, Ted here.
1407
01:30:57,453 --> 01:31:00,120
Listen, uh,
I need a really big favor.
1408
01:31:00,122 --> 01:31:03,223
I want you to cover my shift
at the hospital tomorrow.
1409
01:31:03,225 --> 01:31:07,027
I'm going to Vegas.
1410
01:31:07,029 --> 01:31:09,529
Well, I'm gonna…
lose a little money,
1411
01:31:09,531 --> 01:31:13,567
take in a show,
and… get married.
1412
01:31:13,569 --> 01:31:17,571
Barbara.
Barbara…
1413
01:31:17,573 --> 01:31:19,673
Look, just because
I'm getting married
1414
01:31:19,675 --> 01:31:21,842
doesn't mean we can't date,
all right?
1415
01:31:21,844 --> 01:31:23,810
What?
1416
01:31:30,551 --> 01:31:32,519
(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)
1417
01:31:35,857 --> 01:31:38,558
ZEEBO:
Valerie.
1418
01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,527
- Good-bye.
- Bye.
1419
01:31:40,529 --> 01:31:43,930
Nice planet you have here.
Give Tonya my number.
1420
01:31:45,600 --> 01:31:48,134
Take care, Zeebo.
1421
01:31:48,136 --> 01:31:49,803
Aw, Wiploc.
1422
01:31:49,805 --> 01:31:52,005
I think I'll miss you
least of all.
1423
01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:53,974
You got lip lock for Wiploc?
1424
01:31:56,711 --> 01:31:58,678
MAC:
Valerie…
1425
01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:01,715
I don't know the words.
1426
01:32:01,717 --> 01:32:03,717
Oh, Mac.
1427
01:32:03,719 --> 01:32:05,619
I'm gonna miss you so much.
1428
01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:07,921
I'll miss you, too.
1429
01:32:07,923 --> 01:32:10,991
Sweetheart, I booked the Cave
Man Suite at Cupid's Lodge.
1430
01:32:10,993 --> 01:32:12,959
(CHIMING)
1431
01:32:16,097 --> 01:32:19,599
What the hell is this?
1432
01:32:19,601 --> 01:32:21,801
Okay, Ted, they're not a band.
1433
01:32:21,803 --> 01:32:24,271
- They're from another planet.
- What?
1434
01:32:24,273 --> 01:32:26,806
Go back in the house.
I'll be in in a second.
1435
01:32:26,808 --> 01:32:29,276
Oh, my God!
They're aliens.
1436
01:32:29,278 --> 01:32:31,611
Aliens! All right, Val.
I Got you covered.
1437
01:32:31,613 --> 01:32:34,548
It's okay.
Ted. Ted.
1438
01:32:34,550 --> 01:32:36,550
It's okay.
1439
01:32:36,552 --> 01:32:38,318
You're contaminated.
1440
01:32:40,154 --> 01:32:42,155
- I… I have to go now.
- Ted!
1441
01:32:42,157 --> 01:32:43,890
- I'll call the police.
- Ted, come on.
1442
01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:45,859
- I gotta go.
- Stop it.
1443
01:32:53,601 --> 01:32:55,669
Good-bye, Valerie.
1444
01:33:13,921 --> 01:33:17,857
Mac!
It didn't work!
1445
01:33:17,859 --> 01:33:22,596
Mac! I have to
tell you something.
1446
01:33:22,598 --> 01:33:25,665
I love you!
Take me with you!
1447
01:33:25,667 --> 01:33:28,768
- To Jhazalla?
- Anyplace!
1448
01:33:28,770 --> 01:33:30,837
I am Mr. Right?
1449
01:33:30,839 --> 01:33:33,106
Yes!
Yes!
1450
01:33:38,980 --> 01:33:41,381
Well, uh…
good-bye, Ted.
1451
01:33:41,383 --> 01:33:43,950
Um, I guess
it wasn't meant to be,
1452
01:33:43,952 --> 01:33:46,653
but, uh, I really
want to thank you
1453
01:33:46,655 --> 01:33:51,291
for, um…
thanks for the, uh…
1454
01:33:51,293 --> 01:33:53,259
good-bye, Ted.
1455
01:33:59,233 --> 01:34:01,201
Mac!
1456
01:34:16,150 --> 01:34:18,718
Mac!
1457
01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:21,955
Wait, you guys! You can't
leave without Margaritas!
1458
01:34:29,897 --> 01:34:32,098
Valerie, what are you doing?
1459
01:34:34,001 --> 01:34:36,002
Good-bye, Candy.
I'll miss you.
1460
01:34:36,004 --> 01:34:40,774
Well, good luck, Val.
Call me.
1461
01:34:43,944 --> 01:34:45,779
(MEOWS)
1462
01:34:46,681 --> 01:34:48,248
Happy trails.
1463
01:34:50,317 --> 01:34:53,453
- (MEOWS)
- Bambi, I never knew.
1464
01:34:53,455 --> 01:34:55,422
Wait!
1465
01:35:01,395 --> 01:35:04,097
Hey!
1466
01:35:04,099 --> 01:35:06,800
Give my love to Finland!
1467
01:35:17,278 --> 01:35:20,080
(MOANS, LAUGHS)
1468
01:35:47,775 --> 01:35:51,945
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
- ♪ Join hands ♪
1469
01:35:51,947 --> 01:35:55,482
♪ Start a love train, ♪
♪ love train ♪
1470
01:35:55,484 --> 01:35:57,350
♪ People all over the world ♪
1471
01:35:57,352 --> 01:35:59,753
♪ All over the world, ♪
♪ join hands ♪
1472
01:35:59,755 --> 01:36:01,821
♪ Start a love train ♪
1473
01:36:01,823 --> 01:36:04,190
♪ Love train, love train ♪
1474
01:36:04,192 --> 01:36:07,193
♪ First stop that we'll make ♪
1475
01:36:07,195 --> 01:36:09,963
♪ Will be England ♪
1476
01:36:11,932 --> 01:36:14,134
♪ Tell all the folks ♪
♪ in Russia ♪
1477
01:36:14,136 --> 01:36:16,302
♪ And China, too ♪
1478
01:36:16,304 --> 01:36:18,905
♪ Get on board ♪
1479
01:36:18,907 --> 01:36:21,975
♪ Don't you know ♪
1480
01:36:21,977 --> 01:36:24,010
♪ It's time to get on board ♪
1481
01:36:24,012 --> 01:36:26,146
♪ Time to get on board ♪
1482
01:36:26,148 --> 01:36:29,983
♪ Let the train ♪
♪ keep on ridin' ♪
1483
01:36:29,985 --> 01:36:32,152
♪ Ridin' on through ♪
1484
01:36:32,154 --> 01:36:35,155
♪ Ridin' on through ♪
1485
01:36:35,157 --> 01:36:37,223
♪ People all over the world ♪
1486
01:36:37,225 --> 01:36:39,459
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Join your hands ♪
1487
01:36:39,461 --> 01:36:41,461
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
1488
01:36:41,463 --> 01:36:45,198
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
1489
01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:47,467
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Everybody ♪
1490
01:36:47,469 --> 01:36:49,836
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
1491
01:36:49,838 --> 01:36:53,973
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ All of you brothers ♪
1492
01:36:53,975 --> 01:36:57,977
- ♪ Over in Africa ♪
- ♪ Come on now, people ♪
1493
01:36:57,979 --> 01:37:01,014
♪ Tell all the folks ♪
♪ in Egypt ♪
1494
01:37:01,016 --> 01:37:05,518
♪ And Israel, too ♪
1495
01:37:05,520 --> 01:37:09,923
♪ Please don't miss ♪
♪ this train ♪
1496
01:37:09,925 --> 01:37:13,026
♪ At the station ♪
1497
01:37:13,028 --> 01:37:15,261
- ♪ 'Cause if you miss it ♪
- ♪ Miss it ♪
1498
01:37:15,263 --> 01:37:21,968
♪ I feel sorry, ♪
♪ sorry for you ♪
1499
01:37:21,970 --> 01:37:24,504
♪ People all over the world ♪
1500
01:37:24,506 --> 01:37:26,506
♪ Join hands ♪
1501
01:37:26,508 --> 01:37:29,542
♪ Start a love train, ♪
♪ love train ♪
1502
01:37:29,544 --> 01:37:31,945
- ♪ Start a love train ♪
- ♪ People of the world ♪
1503
01:37:31,947 --> 01:37:34,480
- ♪ This doesn't matter ♪
- ♪ Join hands ♪
1504
01:37:34,482 --> 01:37:36,616
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
1505
01:37:36,618 --> 01:37:40,854
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ Get on board ♪
1506
01:37:51,265 --> 01:37:54,067
♪ Well, yeah ♪
1507
01:37:54,069 --> 01:37:56,035
♪ People all over the world ♪
1508
01:37:56,037 --> 01:37:58,238
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Join your hands ♪
1509
01:37:58,240 --> 01:38:00,373
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
1510
01:38:00,375 --> 01:38:03,943
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
1511
01:38:03,945 --> 01:38:06,145
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Everybody ♪
1512
01:38:06,147 --> 01:38:08,081
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
1513
01:38:08,083 --> 01:38:10,316
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
1514
01:38:10,318 --> 01:38:13,219
♪ First stop that we'll make ♪
1515
01:38:13,221 --> 01:38:15,588
♪ Will be England ♪
1516
01:38:17,658 --> 01:38:19,659
♪ Tell all the folks ♪
♪ in Russia ♪
1517
01:38:19,661 --> 01:38:22,428
♪ And China, too ♪
1518
01:38:22,430 --> 01:38:24,564
♪ Get on board ♪
1519
01:38:24,566 --> 01:38:27,600
♪ Don't you know ♪
1520
01:38:27,602 --> 01:38:29,669
♪ It's time to get on board ♪
1521
01:38:29,671 --> 01:38:32,038
♪ It's time to get on board ♪
1522
01:38:32,040 --> 01:38:35,475
♪ And let this train ♪
♪ keep on ridin' ♪
1523
01:38:35,477 --> 01:38:40,580
- ♪ Ridin' on through ♪
- ♪ Ridin' on through ♪
1524
01:38:40,582 --> 01:38:42,916
♪ People all over the world ♪
1525
01:38:42,918 --> 01:38:45,118
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Everybody ♪
1526
01:38:45,120 --> 01:38:47,587
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
- ♪ Join the love train ♪
1527
01:38:47,589 --> 01:38:50,456
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪
1528
01:38:50,458 --> 01:38:53,326
- ♪ Join hands ♪
- ♪ Everybody ♪
1529
01:38:53,328 --> 01:38:56,396
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
1530
01:38:56,398 --> 01:38:59,432
♪ Get on board ♪
1531
01:38:59,434 --> 01:39:03,136
♪ Get on board ♪
1532
01:39:03,138 --> 01:39:06,506
- ♪ Get on board ♪
- ♪ Get on board ♪
1533
01:39:06,508 --> 01:39:10,643
- ♪ Hey ♪
- ♪ Get on board ♪
1534
01:39:10,645 --> 01:39:13,179
♪ Well, yeah ♪
1535
01:39:13,181 --> 01:39:16,349
♪ New York, ♪
♪ are you in the house? ♪
1536
01:39:16,351 --> 01:39:20,353
♪ L.A., are you ♪
♪ in the house? ♪
1537
01:39:20,355 --> 01:39:23,456
♪ Motor city, ♪
♪ are you in the house? ♪
1538
01:39:23,458 --> 01:39:27,660
- ♪ Everybody ♪
- ♪ Miami, are you in the house? ♪
1539
01:39:27,662 --> 01:39:31,464
- ♪ Start a love train ♪
- ♪ All over the world join hands ♪
1540
01:39:31,466 --> 01:39:33,533
- ♪ Get on ♪
- ♪ Atlanta ♪
1541
01:39:33,535 --> 01:39:37,303
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
- ♪ D.C. ♪
1542
01:39:37,305 --> 01:39:39,405
- ♪ All over the world ♪
- ♪ Join hands ♪
1543
01:39:39,407 --> 01:39:41,074
- ♪ Everybody ♪
- ♪ London ♪
1544
01:39:41,076 --> 01:39:43,009
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ get on the love train ♪
1545
01:39:43,011 --> 01:39:44,744
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
- ♪ Philly ♪
1546
01:39:44,746 --> 01:39:48,014
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
- ♪ Join hands ♪
1547
01:39:48,016 --> 01:39:51,351
- ♪ And start a love train ♪
- ♪ Mars, are you in the house? ♪
1548
01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:54,220
- ♪ Everybody ♪
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
1549
01:39:54,222 --> 01:39:58,057
- ♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪
- ♪ Get on the love train ♪
1550
01:39:58,059 --> 01:39:59,625
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ Come on, people, now ♪
1551
01:39:59,627 --> 01:40:02,495
♪ People all over the world ♪
1552
01:40:02,497 --> 01:40:04,330
♪ Join hands ♪
1553
01:40:04,332 --> 01:40:07,100
♪ And start a love train, ♪
♪ love train ♪
1554
01:40:07,102 --> 01:40:10,103
- ♪ All over the world ♪
- ♪ People all over the world ♪
1555
01:40:10,105 --> 01:40:13,673
- ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Come on, boys
and girls, join the love train ♪
1556
01:40:13,675 --> 01:40:16,476
- ♪ Love train ♪
- ♪ Don't need no ticket. ♪
112956
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