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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:35,434 (MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:01:20,113 --> 00:01:22,548 - (AIR HISSING) - (GURGLING) 3 00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,194 - (BUZZING) - (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 4 00:01:51,811 --> 00:01:53,779 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 5 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,460 (BANGING) 6 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,168 (MUSIC PLAYING) 7 00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,544 ♪ On the edge ♪ ♪ of outer space ♪ 8 00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,646 ♪ Space, space, space ♪ 9 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,715 ♪ She's the one ♪ ♪ with a serious face ♪ 10 00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:32,784 ♪ Face, face, face ♪ ♪ face, face ♪ 11 00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:35,154 ♪ And I dropped in, ♪ ♪ checked it out ♪ 12 00:02:35,156 --> 00:02:37,322 ♪ Alien girls ♪ ♪ were all about ♪ 13 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:39,291 ♪ Eons since ♪ ♪ I had a date ♪ 14 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,528 ♪ Another light-year's ♪ ♪ too long to wait ♪ 15 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,730 ♪ Earth girls are easy ♪ 16 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:47,166 ♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪ 17 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,800 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 18 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,641 ♪ Hey, those girls ♪ ♪ are loads of fun ♪ 19 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,609 ♪ Fun, fun, fun, fun ♪ 20 00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,845 ♪ Even hotter ♪ ♪ than the sun ♪ 21 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,614 ♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪ 22 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,683 ♪ You know that I've had ♪ ♪ lots of girls ♪ 23 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:07,586 ♪ Most of them ♪ ♪ from other worlds ♪ 24 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,721 ♪ While trippin' through ♪ ♪ the galaxy ♪ 25 00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:12,858 ♪ The valley girls ♪ ♪ are the ones for me ♪ 26 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,227 ♪ Earth girls are easy ♪ 27 00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,329 ♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪ 28 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,298 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 29 00:03:47,293 --> 00:03:48,994 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 30 00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:53,966 ♪ Girls ♪ 31 00:03:53,968 --> 00:03:56,468 ♪ I've had lots of girls ♪ 32 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,537 ♪ Most of them ♪ ♪ from other worlds ♪ 33 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,739 ♪ Eons since ♪ ♪ I had a date ♪ 34 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,675 ♪ Another light-year's ♪ ♪ too long to wait ♪ 35 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,978 ♪ Earth girls are easy ♪ 36 00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:08,347 ♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪ 37 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,315 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 38 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,753 ♪ Earth girls are easy ♪ 39 00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,888 ♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪ 40 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,724 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 41 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,260 ♪ Earth girls, so easy ♪ 42 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,295 ♪ So easy, so easy ♪ 43 00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,497 ♪ Earth girls ♪ 44 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,466 ♪ Earth girls. ♪ 45 00:04:45,885 --> 00:04:47,619 (CAR DOOR CLOSES) 46 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:54,426 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 47 00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:00,032 - (DOOR OPENS) - MAN: Valerie. 48 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:02,067 (MEOWS) 49 00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:04,903 - I'm home. - Oh, no. Ted, wait. 50 00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,372 You're not supposed to see me in this before the wedding. 51 00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,308 It's bad luck. 52 00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,009 Don't worry about it. 53 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:13,078 I mean, sweetheart, 54 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,748 it's just some stupid superstition anyway. 55 00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,650 Yeah, you're right. 56 00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:22,554 We met on Friday the 13th and look how happy we are. 57 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:26,325 So, Ted, what happened? You said 11:00. 58 00:05:26,327 --> 00:05:27,893 I'm sorry, Val. 59 00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:31,697 It was blood and guts night at the old emergency room. 60 00:05:32,732 --> 00:05:34,800 Again? 61 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,768 Gee, I wish you'd called me. 62 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,705 I would have, but, you know, 63 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:42,107 five minutes on the phone and that could, uh, 64 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,943 cost a life. You know that. 65 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,812 Oh. 66 00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,814 I'm ready, Teddy. 67 00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,985 Oh, what a day. 68 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,124 Boy. (GROANS) 69 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,096 I was fluffing it for you. 70 00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,009 Sweetheart, could you get the light, please? 71 00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,654 Teddy… 72 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,590 look what I found. 73 00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,658 Sweetheart, I'm sorry, 74 00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:36,762 but I have to take out a gall bladder first thing in the morning. 75 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:40,432 - Tomorrow night. I promise. - No, I won't be here tomorrow night. 76 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,968 - I'll be at the nail expo. - What? 77 00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:46,138 The cuticle convention, remember? I'll be gone till Monday. 78 00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:49,541 Oh, well, Monday, then. I promise. 79 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,581 You know, I was reading an ad for these pyramids 80 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,150 that you can get and put over the bed 81 00:06:58,152 --> 00:07:00,051 and they're supposed to increase sexual energy. 82 00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,788 - I thought we could… - Valerie, please. 83 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,591 - Sorry. - Good night, sweetheart. 84 00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,827 Night. 85 00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:17,869 WOMAN ON RADIO: K-Earth 101 southland weather… another gorgeous day in L.A. 86 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,071 Sunny and warm. 86 degrees in Malibu. 87 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:22,541 94 in the valley. 88 in Hollywood. 88 00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,010 That's K-Earth 101 news. I'm Claudia Marshall. 89 00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:31,783 ♪ It's the summer of love, ♪ ♪ love, love ♪ 90 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,886 ♪ I'm in love with ♪ ♪ the love, love, love ♪ 91 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:39,491 ♪ For everyone ♪ ♪ transcends who ♪ 92 00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,127 ♪ I'm thinking of you ♪ 93 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,962 ♪ Boy ♪ 94 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,797 ♪ Love energy ♪ 95 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,900 ♪ Is giving us a shove ♪ 96 00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:53,839 ♪ Making this ♪ ♪ the summer of love… ♪ 97 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:56,908 Hi, Miss Lana. Oh, I'm so sorry. 98 00:07:56,910 --> 00:08:00,879 I missed our appointment. You look so great. 99 00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:05,484 - That's a great outfit. - Thanks, dear. That door's a real bitch. 100 00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,820 - Hi, Val. - Morning. 101 00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,857 WOMAN: It's a really good color for me. 102 00:08:11,859 --> 00:08:14,025 - Wow. - Yeah. 103 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,528 You need a fill. 104 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:19,531 - Uh, morning, all. - ALL: Good morning. 105 00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:22,834 You better have a note from your mother, young lady. 106 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:25,837 ♪ He's showing ♪ ♪ off his body… ♪ 107 00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,539 I don't know. 108 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,175 I'm just not that turned on by her lately. 109 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:33,545 I hear oysters are good for potency. 110 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,181 Yeah, I tried that once, but they kept slipping off. 111 00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:39,818 If I was any more potent, I'd kill somebody. 112 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,786 - Whoa! - Oh, right! 113 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,688 No, no, no. 114 00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:46,191 I gave this cute, little nurse a ride home the other night, right? 115 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,793 Yeah, and? 116 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,962 And nothing. I'm getting married next month. 117 00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:54,666 And why are you so tardy, young lady? 118 00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,835 Oh, I was up real late last night with Ted. 119 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,905 Oh, Dr. Dolittle finally came through, huh? 120 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,073 No. He was dead on arrival. 121 00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,310 - Again? Sanka? - Sure. 122 00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,679 You know, at the rate we've been having sex, 123 00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,148 we might as well be married already. 124 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,183 What's it been, like, a week? 125 00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,986 Two weeks. 126 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,922 Valerie, 127 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:19,925 Ted is obviously a victim of PMS. 128 00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,928 - What? - Premarital stress. 129 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,697 Oh. What'll snap him out of it? 130 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:28,700 - A new woman. - Thanks. 131 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,903 Wait. That's it! We'll make you a new woman. 132 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,673 Oh, this is great. This is totally fabulous. Watch this. 133 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,309 Okay, let's see how you look on the makeover machine. 134 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:38,743 Oh, housewife from hell. 135 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:44,115 Matron on drugs. Look at that. 136 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:48,119 That's it. We'll make you blonde with blue eyes. 137 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,854 VALERIE: I don't know. 138 00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,289 Maybe when I get back from the nail expo… 139 00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:54,626 No, skip the expo. Stay home and ambush Ted. 140 00:09:54,628 --> 00:09:56,861 Oh, what if he doesn't like it? 141 00:09:56,863 --> 00:10:00,098 At this point, what have you got to lose? 142 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,902 - I don't know. - Hey, come on, everybody. We're doing a makeover. 143 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:07,038 BOTH: Ooh! Ooh! 144 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,208 (SCREAMING) 145 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,943 - A perm. - A perm. 146 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,145 - A butch. - A butch. 147 00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:16,014 - A facial. - A facial. 148 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,083 - A body wrap. - A body wrap. 149 00:10:18,085 --> 00:10:20,685 - Gravel scrub. - A gravel scrub. 150 00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,320 - Bikini wax. - Bikini wax. 151 00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:24,055 - (SCREAMS) - A fall. 152 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,858 - We'll do it all. - WOMAN: All right! 153 00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:41,039 ♪ It's time to face the music, ♪ ♪ it's time to make you see ♪ 154 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,943 ♪ The root of all your problems ♪ ♪ is that you don't look like me ♪ 155 00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:49,114 ♪ Now this is gonna hurt you, ♪ ♪ but I just got to say ♪ 156 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:53,151 ♪ Your love life's going nowhere ♪ ♪ 'cause you look like Doris Day ♪ 157 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,220 ♪ Who's the one ♪ ♪ they can't resist? ♪ 158 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:56,988 ♪ The brand new girl ♪ 159 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,290 ♪ Who's on ♪ ♪ the most wanted list? ♪ 160 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,660 ♪ The brand new girl ♪ 161 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:05,263 ♪ Honey, if you vixenize, ♪ ♪ guaranteed he'll get a rise ♪ 162 00:11:05,265 --> 00:11:09,267 - ♪ Believe that you can be a brand new ♪ - ♪ Brand new 163 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,202 - ♪ Brand new - ♪ Brand new 164 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,171 - ♪ Brand new - ♪ Brand new 165 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,874 ♪ Brand new girl, ow ♪ 166 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:17,942 (CAT ROARS) 167 00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,916 (SCREAMS) 168 00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:27,419 ♪ You're cute and fresh ♪ ♪ and wholesome ♪ 169 00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:29,320 ♪ But science ♪ ♪ has a cure ♪ 170 00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,089 ♪ The natural look ♪ ♪ is nowhere ♪ 171 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,458 ♪ Your hairdresser ♪ ♪ knows for sure ♪ 172 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,894 ♪ You gotta learn ♪ ♪ the art of teasing ♪ 173 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,862 ♪ Change ♪ ♪ your repertoire ♪ 174 00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,031 ♪ All you need's ♪ ♪ a little faith ♪ 175 00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,133 ♪ And a see-through pushup bra ♪ 176 00:11:45,971 --> 00:11:47,972 ♪ If you wanna be ♪ ♪ a femme fatale ♪ 177 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,874 ♪ You can't rest ♪ ♪ on your L'Oreals ♪ 178 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:52,110 ♪ You know, I think ♪ ♪ she might be right ♪ 179 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,878 ♪ Grab the bleach, ♪ ♪ she's seen the light ♪ 180 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,081 (SCREAMS) 181 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:58,016 - ♪ Maybelline ♪ - Ooh. 182 00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,151 - ♪ Revlon ♪ - (MOANS) 183 00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:01,986 - ♪ Rubbermaid ♪ - Mm. 184 00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,055 ♪ Talk to me, ♪ ♪ Max Factor ♪ 185 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:06,191 ♪ Who's the one ♪ ♪ they can't resist? ♪ 186 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:08,493 - ♪ The brand new girl - ♪ Brand new 187 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,295 ♪ Who's on ♪ ♪ the most wanted list? ♪ 188 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,497 ♪ The brand new girl ♪ 189 00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,733 ♪ Honey, ♪ ♪ if you vixenize ♪ 190 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,801 ♪ Guaranteed ♪ ♪ he'll get a rise ♪ 191 00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:19,170 ♪ Believe that can be ♪ ♪ a brand new ♪ 192 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,406 - ♪ Brand new ♪ - ♪ Brand new ♪ 193 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,274 - ♪ Brand new ♪ - ♪ Brand new ♪ 194 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:26,344 - ♪ Brand new ♪ - ♪ Brand ♪ 195 00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:28,313 ♪ New ♪ 196 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:33,084 ♪ Girl ♪ 197 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,153 ♪ Girl ♪ 198 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:37,122 (THEME FROM "LOVE STORY" PLAYING) 199 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,194 Hello, Dr. Gallagher. 200 00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:45,263 Surprised? 201 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:50,135 Yes, it's me. 202 00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:52,537 (CLICKS TONGUE) Dr. Gallagher. 203 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:55,173 Why are you looking at me like that? 204 00:12:57,476 --> 00:13:00,145 You want to do what? 205 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:03,281 Oh, no, no. I couldn't. 206 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:06,484 No, no, please. Stop. 207 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,386 No, no. 208 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,421 Well… 209 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,323 all right. 210 00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:17,829 Okay. Let's see. 211 00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:21,466 Now, champagne, flowers, 212 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,302 sushi, feathers, 213 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,438 um, sensual oil, 214 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,107 right, 215 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:32,443 and incense or… let's see. 216 00:13:32,445 --> 00:13:35,046 "Sprinkle a light bulb with your favorite perfume 217 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:38,183 to sensualize the atmosphere of your love trap." 218 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,588 (MUSIC SKIPPING) 219 00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,027 (SIZZLES) 220 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,298 - (GLASS SHATTERS) - (SCREAMS) 221 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,033 Oh, no! 222 00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,170 - (CAR DOOR CLOSES) - Oh, God. He's here. 223 00:14:15,921 --> 00:14:19,090 Well, this is where we live. 224 00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:23,361 - We? - Yeah. Uh, you know, me and, uh, 225 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,964 the cat… Bambi. 226 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:32,470 Just make yourself at home, all right? 227 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,439 Okay. 228 00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:43,514 (MEOWS) 229 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,483 (HISS) 230 00:14:53,592 --> 00:14:56,527 "How to Drive a Man Crazy." 231 00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:03,568 (TOILET FLUSHES) 232 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:09,240 - (SCREAMS) - Eat me, I'm a cookie! 233 00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:14,045 I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 234 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,981 I didn't know Ted had company. I'm Valerie. 235 00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,183 I don't usually dress like this. 236 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,486 Here comes Dr. Love. 237 00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:27,392 All right, Robin, a pileup. 238 00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:30,228 Who's your friend? 239 00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:33,932 - Shit! Val. - Ted, what are you doing? 240 00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:37,568 - Uh, gee, nothing. - What… what is going on here? 241 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,537 You brought a girl home to have sex? 242 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,539 Well, you weren't supposed to be here, Val. 243 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,642 - You were going to have sex without me? - Well, no. 244 00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:48,046 - Of course not. - Look, I don't know what you two had in mind, 245 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:51,182 but I'm really not into kinky scenes. 246 00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,284 Bye. 247 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,653 Gee, Val, you look incredible. 248 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,289 Hey, you know… hey, honey, she doesn't mean a thing to me, really. 249 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,158 If meaningless sex is what you want, 250 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,260 why can't you have it with me! 251 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:04,362 I'm sorry. I made a stupid mistake. 252 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:08,266 Hey, you know, I thought I wanted a last fling, that's all. 253 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,135 You can't expect me to be more evolved than I really am. 254 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,738 Evolved? I'll show you evolved. 255 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,407 Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Val. 256 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,242 No, no, no. No, don't do that. That's very dangerous. 257 00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:20,611 Hey! Cut it… Val, stop it! 258 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,314 Cut it out! 259 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,084 - Val, come on! - (FEEDBACK) 260 00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,752 Neighbors are watching! 261 00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,358 Val, open up. Sweetheart, open the door! 262 00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,660 VALERIE: You're wanted in emergency, Dr. Love. 263 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,063 Val, you can't do this to me! I'm a doctor! 264 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:45,069 Here! Take these with you, Dr. Love. 265 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:49,374 And don't come back! 266 00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,577 (MUTTERING) 267 00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,615 - (CAR STARTS) - Ted! 268 00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:03,688 - (TIRES SQUEAL) - Ted! 269 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,456 Ted, where are you going? 270 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,500 Go to bed, Mrs. Merkin! 271 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:18,503 - (REVERBERATING) Mrs. Merkin! Mrs. Merkin! - (SCREAMS) 272 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:20,772 (MEOWS) 273 00:17:20,774 --> 00:17:24,742 ♪ You're a liar, ♪ ♪ and it took me forever ♪ 274 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:28,579 ♪ To figure that out ♪ 275 00:17:30,416 --> 00:17:33,184 ♪ You could ♪ ♪ switch on a smile ♪ 276 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,420 ♪ Pretend to be tender ♪ 277 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:40,058 ♪ But I know now ♪ ♪ what you're all about ♪ 278 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,560 ♪ What a nightmare ♪ 279 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,230 ♪ My friends thought ♪ ♪ you were a dream ♪ 280 00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:51,836 ♪ You could ♪ ♪ switch on a smile ♪ 281 00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,505 - ♪ And seem so sincere ♪ - (BARKS) 282 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:58,209 ♪ But you don't even know ♪ ♪ what that means ♪ 283 00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:02,747 ♪ I don't think ♪ ♪ you'll ever understand ♪ 284 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:07,485 ♪ Ooh, did cheating on me ♪ ♪ make you feel like a man? ♪ 285 00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:12,323 ♪ I used to worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 286 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:16,594 ♪ I did anything ♪ ♪ you wanted me to ♪ 287 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:21,699 ♪ I used to worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 288 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:26,637 ♪ Now I've lost ♪ ♪ my faith in you ♪ 289 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,211 ♪ Ahh ♪ 290 00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,349 ♪ Sunday mornings ♪ ♪ I'd wake up ♪ 291 00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:41,486 ♪ Lie in bed ♪ ♪ watching you sleep ♪ 292 00:18:44,723 --> 00:18:47,458 ♪ It was almost religious ♪ 293 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:50,294 ♪ How I believed in you ♪ 294 00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,598 ♪ It hurt when you ♪ ♪ destroyed my belief ♪ 295 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,835 ♪ I don't think ♪ ♪ you'll ever understand ♪ 296 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:02,807 ♪ Ooh, did cheatin' on me ♪ ♪ make you feel like a man? ♪ 297 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:07,512 ♪ I used to worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 298 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:11,582 ♪ I did anything ♪ ♪ you wanted me to ♪ 299 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:16,721 ♪ I used to worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 300 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:21,659 ♪ Now I've lost my faith ♪ ♪ in you ♪ 301 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:25,630 ♪ Oh, I've lost ♪ ♪ my faith in you ♪ 302 00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:41,779 ♪ I used to worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 303 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:45,917 ♪ Didn't think ♪ ♪ I'd get by without you ♪ 304 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:51,322 ♪ Now I don't worship ♪ ♪ the ground you walk on ♪ 305 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:55,493 ♪ And I'm stronger ♪ ♪ than I knew ♪ 306 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,963 ♪ I'm stronger ♪ ♪ than you knew ♪ 307 00:20:07,773 --> 00:20:11,342 - Come here, you. - No, Doctor. What about your wife? 308 00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,245 She's in a coma. You're not. 309 00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:19,617 No. Oh. Mm. Oh. 310 00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,853 John? John? 311 00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:25,790 (GROANS) 312 00:20:25,792 --> 00:20:29,227 You weasel dick! 313 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,795 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 314 00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,233 Hello. Oh, Candy. 315 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,236 The worst thing in the world happened. 316 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,304 No, Bambi's fine. 317 00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,906 It's Ted. 318 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:45,276 Yeah. The blonde thing did not work. 319 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,678 ROBIN LEACH: It's the show that shows the ins and outs 320 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,947 of the southern California fitness craze. 321 00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,351 Let's face it. Inner beauty is for losers… 322 00:20:54,486 --> 00:20:56,454 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 323 00:21:32,724 --> 00:21:34,525 Ooh. 324 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:24,375 (LAUGHING) 325 00:22:25,944 --> 00:22:27,044 Uh! 326 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,496 (SCREAMS) 327 00:22:48,433 --> 00:22:49,700 Mac! 328 00:22:56,908 --> 00:22:59,610 (SCREAMS) 329 00:23:44,790 --> 00:23:46,757 (SCREAMS) 330 00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:55,699 Oh, great. 331 00:23:58,170 --> 00:24:00,704 Oh, this is too good. 332 00:24:00,706 --> 00:24:03,507 There's a giant blow dryer in my pool. 333 00:24:11,683 --> 00:24:14,151 Oh, shit! 334 00:24:14,153 --> 00:24:17,855 Goddamn it, Ted, you're not gonna control my mind when you're not here. 335 00:24:17,857 --> 00:24:20,090 Okay, now… 336 00:24:20,092 --> 00:24:23,727 just release all this negative energy 337 00:24:23,729 --> 00:24:26,030 out into the universe. 338 00:24:26,032 --> 00:24:27,965 You're just gonna swim right through it. 339 00:24:38,977 --> 00:24:40,945 (BANGS) 340 00:24:59,231 --> 00:25:01,198 (COUGHS) 341 00:25:13,612 --> 00:25:15,579 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 342 00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,795 (COUGHS) 343 00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:35,699 Oh, Teddy bear. You're back. 344 00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:42,673 - (SCREAMING) - (SCREAMING) 345 00:25:47,913 --> 00:25:51,982 What is this? What's going on here? 346 00:25:51,984 --> 00:25:54,718 This isn't what it looks like, is it? 347 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,854 - Is it? - (MUMBLES) 348 00:25:56,856 --> 00:25:58,689 Oh, my God, it is. 349 00:25:58,691 --> 00:26:00,724 It's a spaceship. 350 00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,927 Oh, like things weren't bad enough. 351 00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,862 Now I've been abducted by a UFO. 352 00:26:04,864 --> 00:26:06,797 Now, you guys… 353 00:26:06,799 --> 00:26:09,333 you're just gonna do some little experiments on me 354 00:26:09,335 --> 00:26:13,203 and then, um, let me go like in the "National Enquirer," right? 355 00:26:13,205 --> 00:26:15,306 - Right? - Right? 356 00:26:15,308 --> 00:26:17,274 Right? 357 00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:20,945 Okay, okay. 358 00:26:20,947 --> 00:26:23,180 Just don't take out anything I'm gonna need later. 359 00:26:29,187 --> 00:26:31,755 Come on, come on. Get it over with and then let me go, okay? 360 00:26:36,027 --> 00:26:37,928 I don't know why you abducted me anyway. 361 00:26:37,930 --> 00:26:40,130 I mean, I'm sure you're looking for somebody more important, 362 00:26:40,132 --> 00:26:42,132 - you know, like Nancy Reagan. - Nancy Reagan. 363 00:26:42,134 --> 00:26:44,268 - Nancy Reagan. - Really, if you let me go 364 00:26:44,270 --> 00:26:45,869 I'll tell you where to find her because… 365 00:26:45,871 --> 00:26:48,105 see, I'm just a manicurist. 366 00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,808 I don't know anything about anything except nails. 367 00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:53,177 - You know, nails. - Nails. 368 00:26:53,179 --> 00:26:54,745 - Nails. - Nibs. 369 00:26:59,084 --> 00:27:01,051 Really, I can keep my mouth shut. 370 00:27:01,053 --> 00:27:03,287 I mean, I'm the kind of person that you can tell anything to 371 00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:05,789 and I would never tell. Ask my cousin Debbie. 372 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:08,325 You know, she got her boobs done, and I never told anyone. 373 00:27:10,061 --> 00:27:11,895 Oh, except I just told you. 374 00:27:16,067 --> 00:27:18,836 Oh, my God. You're aliens. 375 00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:20,804 (WHINING) 376 00:27:25,343 --> 00:27:27,745 Zeebo. 377 00:27:27,747 --> 00:27:31,382 Is that your name? Zeebo? 378 00:27:31,384 --> 00:27:33,350 Wiploc. 379 00:27:34,853 --> 00:27:37,021 Wiploc. Hi. 380 00:27:37,023 --> 00:27:39,156 Makelsolakveder. 381 00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:42,059 Maybe I'll just call you Mac. How's that? 382 00:27:42,061 --> 00:27:44,128 Oh, and I'm Valerie. 383 00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:46,030 - Valerie. - "Walerie." 384 00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,998 Volare. 385 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:50,300 You guys aren't gonna to hurt me, are you? 386 00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,372 Your planet is weird. 387 00:27:55,374 --> 00:27:59,076 We're still in my pool. 388 00:27:59,078 --> 00:28:01,278 - Oh. - Oh! 389 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,048 Well, listen. It was really nice meeting you, fellas, 390 00:28:04,050 --> 00:28:06,383 but I have to go. 391 00:28:06,385 --> 00:28:10,721 Feel free to use the pool, really, but you've caught me at sort of a bad time. 392 00:28:10,723 --> 00:28:13,390 - (YELLING) - (SCREAMING) 393 00:28:13,392 --> 00:28:15,359 (ALARM BLARING) 394 00:28:27,772 --> 00:28:30,874 Did I do that? I flooded the ship. 395 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,377 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed. 396 00:28:33,379 --> 00:28:36,880 I'm really, really sorry, you guys, but I'm sure you can fix it, right? 397 00:28:39,350 --> 00:28:41,719 Don't freak out, really. 398 00:28:41,721 --> 00:28:45,322 This is just like the time that I dropped my lady Schick in the toilet. 399 00:28:45,324 --> 00:28:48,992 It's really… as soon as it dried out, it worked fine. 400 00:28:48,994 --> 00:28:50,761 Really. 401 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:59,136 Let's go in my house and I'll make some lunch 402 00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:01,371 and I'll get the pool drained 403 00:29:01,373 --> 00:29:05,743 and then you guys can take off, you know, back to your planet. 404 00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,811 Blast off. (MIMICS BLAST OFF) 405 00:29:07,813 --> 00:29:10,948 Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Comprende? 406 00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:14,118 - Comprende? - Comprende? 407 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,086 Comprende. 408 00:29:29,534 --> 00:29:31,935 Be careful. This ladder's a little loose. 409 00:29:31,937 --> 00:29:35,139 Oh, I'm glad you can breathe okay. 410 00:29:35,141 --> 00:29:37,441 The air quality is actually very good today. 411 00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,409 (COUGHING) 412 00:29:40,979 --> 00:29:43,080 Careful. It's kind of wet. 413 00:29:49,053 --> 00:29:50,354 Okay? 414 00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:53,290 Well, uh, come on. Let's go in the house. 415 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:56,927 This way. 416 00:29:59,964 --> 00:30:03,066 Those are lemons. You know, lemonade, lemon Pledge. 417 00:30:03,068 --> 00:30:06,403 Oh. It's okay. It's a sprinkler. 418 00:30:06,405 --> 00:30:10,140 Listen, Earth people are gonna freak out if they see you. 419 00:30:10,142 --> 00:30:13,277 No offense, but you do look kinda like wookies or werewolves 420 00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:15,345 or something, and people hate that. 421 00:30:15,347 --> 00:30:17,080 I mean, they're gonna wanna shoot you or something, 422 00:30:17,082 --> 00:30:19,850 - so just be cool, okay? - (CHIMING) 423 00:30:22,987 --> 00:30:24,888 Let's go inside. Come on, come on. 424 00:30:26,825 --> 00:30:28,892 What's going on in my horoscope today? 425 00:30:33,965 --> 00:30:35,833 Well, this is my house. 426 00:30:35,835 --> 00:30:38,268 Um… sorry about the mess. 427 00:30:38,270 --> 00:30:40,237 Make yourselves at home. 428 00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:49,012 (CHIRPING) 429 00:30:51,349 --> 00:30:53,350 Hi. This is Valerie Gale. 430 00:30:53,352 --> 00:30:56,019 Could you send Woody to drain my pool? 431 00:30:56,021 --> 00:30:58,288 Yeah. Right away. It's an emergency. I… 432 00:30:58,290 --> 00:31:00,257 (MEOWS) 433 00:31:01,459 --> 00:31:03,427 (HISSING) 434 00:31:08,132 --> 00:31:09,533 (PURRING) 435 00:31:12,337 --> 00:31:15,606 Wow! I've never see her do that before! 436 00:31:15,608 --> 00:31:19,009 What is that, some kind of love touch? 437 00:31:20,078 --> 00:31:22,045 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 438 00:31:24,115 --> 00:31:25,949 Oh! Hi. Yeah. Listen. 439 00:31:25,951 --> 00:31:27,451 This is a matter of life and death. 440 00:31:27,453 --> 00:31:29,953 See, I lost my contact lens in the pool… 441 00:31:29,955 --> 00:31:33,991 no, no. It's gotta be Woody. He found it the last time. 442 00:31:33,993 --> 00:31:36,526 Hey! Those are Ted's fish! 443 00:31:36,528 --> 00:31:39,596 Thanks. No. No. No. No. 444 00:31:39,598 --> 00:31:43,467 Not food! Not food! 445 00:31:45,236 --> 00:31:48,071 Let's see. Oh, not much here, 446 00:31:48,073 --> 00:31:51,141 but then, I didn't expect I'd be have aliens for lunch. 447 00:31:51,143 --> 00:31:53,043 Oh, look. 448 00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:56,246 Low-cal Pop Tarts. These are natural. 449 00:31:56,248 --> 00:31:58,215 Great. 450 00:32:00,084 --> 00:32:02,619 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 451 00:32:02,621 --> 00:32:06,590 Okay. We have an entree. What else? 452 00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:11,995 Uh… instant pudding! 453 00:32:11,997 --> 00:32:15,098 Add water, hmm… too much work. 454 00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:17,401 Oh, spray-on cheese! This is great. 455 00:32:19,203 --> 00:32:21,171 You have eggs on your planet? 456 00:32:22,974 --> 00:32:24,942 I could cook those for you. 457 00:32:35,353 --> 00:32:37,654 This is wonderful. 458 00:32:53,137 --> 00:32:55,105 - (MEOWS) - (MEOWS) 459 00:33:01,412 --> 00:33:04,214 Oh, Wiploc! No! No! Not there! 460 00:33:04,216 --> 00:33:06,183 No. Come with me. 461 00:33:15,593 --> 00:33:18,495 Okay. So you go in there. 462 00:33:20,264 --> 00:33:22,532 No! No! Come here. No. 463 00:33:22,534 --> 00:33:26,069 You go in there. 464 00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:27,637 Go in there… 465 00:33:27,639 --> 00:33:30,173 Yeah. And then you flush. 466 00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:32,142 (TOILET FLUSHING) 467 00:33:35,146 --> 00:33:37,114 (MIMICS TOILET FLUSHING) 468 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,191 (MEOWS) 469 00:33:48,193 --> 00:33:50,160 (MEOWS) 470 00:33:51,529 --> 00:33:53,497 (REVERBERATING) 471 00:33:58,669 --> 00:34:00,637 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 472 00:34:02,340 --> 00:34:03,807 Oh, my God! Woody's here! 473 00:34:03,809 --> 00:34:05,776 Whatever you do, just stay inside. 474 00:34:49,153 --> 00:34:50,854 (HORSE NEIGHS ON TV) 475 00:34:54,625 --> 00:34:57,394 - (SCREAMS) - (NEIGHS) 476 00:34:57,396 --> 00:35:00,330 (SINGING IN SPANISH) 477 00:35:04,535 --> 00:35:07,704 - (CLICKS) - You are Americans. 478 00:35:07,706 --> 00:35:09,739 You're the product of the freest society… 479 00:35:09,741 --> 00:35:11,675 (SCREECHING) 480 00:35:11,677 --> 00:35:15,812 - (CLICKS) - You're tearing me apart! 481 00:35:15,814 --> 00:35:19,282 You say one thing, he says another, and everybody changes back… 482 00:35:19,284 --> 00:35:22,352 - MAN: A new car! - A new car! 483 00:35:22,354 --> 00:35:26,289 - (SCREAMS) - ♪ Take a mind excursion ♪ 484 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:27,858 ♪ It's just… ♪ 485 00:35:27,860 --> 00:35:29,826 Hey! How's it going? 486 00:35:29,828 --> 00:35:33,363 - Hey, Woody. - What's that you're sitting on? 487 00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:37,534 - Some kind of giant boogie board? - No, it's my new pool patio. 488 00:35:37,536 --> 00:35:39,669 - Bitchin', huh? - It's pretty rad. 489 00:35:39,671 --> 00:35:41,538 (HISSES) 490 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:44,274 WOODY: Whoa! Shoot the curl, kitty! 491 00:35:44,276 --> 00:35:46,343 Those little guys love the water, don't they? 492 00:35:49,347 --> 00:35:52,182 Listen, Valerie. How come you want your pool drained? 493 00:35:52,184 --> 00:35:54,718 How come? I don't know. 494 00:35:54,720 --> 00:35:58,321 You know, the water just seems really stale or something. 495 00:35:58,323 --> 00:36:00,490 We've seen a lot of that. 496 00:36:00,492 --> 00:36:02,325 So, how long is this gonna take? 497 00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,861 Uh… about… a day. 498 00:36:07,532 --> 00:36:09,933 Whoa, check out the sets, man. 499 00:36:09,935 --> 00:36:13,570 If I was six inches tall, I'd be out there now. 500 00:36:13,572 --> 00:36:16,206 They were pumping like that this morning… 501 00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:18,341 - I don't believe this. - no, for real. 502 00:36:18,343 --> 00:36:21,878 And I was getting barreled in this totally cool tube. 503 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,515 I had just Sex Waxed my board… really prem'. 504 00:36:25,517 --> 00:36:28,718 Some hotdog shoots his board, hits me in the head. 505 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:31,721 - Look at that. - This is the worst. 506 00:36:31,723 --> 00:36:34,257 Yeah, it would've been the ride of the decade, too. 507 00:36:34,259 --> 00:36:37,460 Well, what am I supposed to do until tomorrow? 508 00:36:37,462 --> 00:36:40,463 Waste your brain. Wax your board. 509 00:36:40,465 --> 00:36:42,632 Pray for waves. 510 00:36:42,634 --> 00:36:44,601 (WHISTLING "ANDY GRIFFITH" THEME) 511 00:36:47,672 --> 00:36:50,574 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 512 00:36:50,576 --> 00:36:52,809 (SPEAKING JAPANESE) 513 00:36:52,811 --> 00:36:55,879 Try this. ♪ What'll it be, hmm. ♪ 514 00:36:55,881 --> 00:36:58,882 - ♪ What'll it be? ♪ - ♪ Hmm ♪ 515 00:36:58,884 --> 00:37:03,353 Nice. Make me an Alaskan polar bear heater on the double. Come on, come on. 516 00:37:03,355 --> 00:37:06,890 We'll make our own music, gorgeous. You and you stay. 517 00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:09,826 Tubby, you go rest your thumbs. I'll drive. 518 00:37:09,828 --> 00:37:12,629 Now watch, baby. Every move a picture. 519 00:37:12,631 --> 00:37:16,299 - (PLAYING PIANO) - (TELEPHONE RINGING) 520 00:37:20,671 --> 00:37:22,606 (ANSWERING MACHINE) Is there a doctor in the house? 521 00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:24,808 (CHUCKLES) Not right now. 522 00:37:24,810 --> 00:37:27,677 - Leave a message when you hear the beep. - (BEEP) 523 00:37:27,679 --> 00:37:30,547 TED: Valerie? Are you there? 524 00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:33,750 Please pick up. I need to talk to you. 525 00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:35,819 I'm sorry I was such an asshole. 526 00:37:35,821 --> 00:37:38,922 Val, you've got to believe this. 527 00:37:38,924 --> 00:37:41,858 I've never ever been unfaithful to you. Ever. 528 00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:44,661 I'm only guilty of a little kissy-face with one nurse. 529 00:37:44,663 --> 00:37:46,930 I swear. Oh, sweetheart. 530 00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:49,866 You stopped me from making a biggest mistake of my life last night. 531 00:37:49,868 --> 00:37:53,603 Val, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. 532 00:37:53,605 --> 00:37:56,273 I'll see you when I get home. Bye. 533 00:38:00,678 --> 00:38:02,846 WOMAN: Come back to Finland. 534 00:38:02,848 --> 00:38:06,583 Come back to winter all year round. 535 00:38:06,585 --> 00:38:10,287 Come back to parkas and goat's cheese. 536 00:38:10,289 --> 00:38:12,789 Finland knows what you want. 537 00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:16,459 (YODELING) 538 00:38:16,461 --> 00:38:18,428 (YODELING) 539 00:38:20,498 --> 00:38:21,898 (CLICKS) 540 00:38:21,900 --> 00:38:23,867 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 541 00:38:27,571 --> 00:38:30,607 Okay. Well, we're all set. 542 00:38:30,609 --> 00:38:32,909 - Finland is here? - Finland? 543 00:38:32,911 --> 00:38:34,844 No, this is the valley. 544 00:38:34,846 --> 00:38:38,348 Finland is the capital of Norway. God, you guys sure learn fast. 545 00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:40,016 (MIMICS TED'S VOICE) I'm sorry I was such an asshole. 546 00:38:40,018 --> 00:38:43,453 Oh! I see you found a cable station. 547 00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:46,823 (MIMICS TED) Valerie, are you there? Please pick up. 548 00:38:46,825 --> 00:38:49,326 Did Ted call? 549 00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:51,461 I'll be over right after work tonight. 550 00:38:51,463 --> 00:38:54,564 - Okay, honey? Bye. - Oh, my God! What am I gonna do? 551 00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:56,966 Ted is, like, a trained doctor. 552 00:38:56,968 --> 00:39:00,670 One look at you guys and he'll know you're not local. 553 00:39:00,672 --> 00:39:02,405 Oh, wow. 554 00:39:02,407 --> 00:39:04,974 If I only had about zillion gallons of Nair. 555 00:39:04,976 --> 00:39:06,876 - Nair. Nair. - Nair. 556 00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,015 ♪ I'm a sex pixie ♪ 557 00:39:12,017 --> 00:39:13,883 ♪ Is that okay? ♪ 558 00:39:13,885 --> 00:39:16,486 ♪ Do do do do do ♪ 559 00:39:16,488 --> 00:39:20,523 ♪ Do do do do ♪ ♪ do do do do ♪ 560 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:24,094 ♪ Hey, hey, ♪ ♪ do do do do ♪ 561 00:39:24,096 --> 00:39:26,730 ♪ Do do do do ♪ 562 00:39:26,732 --> 00:39:29,499 ♪ Da-do, oh, oh, oh ♪ 563 00:39:29,501 --> 00:39:31,368 - Candy, whatever you do, don't freak out. - (SCREAMS) 564 00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:33,436 - Valerie! - I mean it, don't freak out. 565 00:39:33,438 --> 00:39:36,039 - Promise me you will not freak out. - Stop! You are freaking me out! 566 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,974 Okay, okay. Oh, my God. 567 00:39:37,976 --> 00:39:40,877 Um… a UFO landed in my pool 568 00:39:40,879 --> 00:39:42,879 and they captured me, but we made friends, 569 00:39:42,881 --> 00:39:45,815 and I fed them Pop Tarts and they're here now, 570 00:39:45,817 --> 00:39:47,817 but Ted's coming home tonight, so you've got to cut their hair. 571 00:39:47,819 --> 00:39:51,588 - What did you say? - Oh, nothing. I'm on drugs. 572 00:39:51,590 --> 00:39:53,423 Candy, you gotta help them. 573 00:39:53,425 --> 00:39:55,392 Would you listen to yourself? 574 00:39:55,394 --> 00:39:57,660 Valerie, no man is worth 575 00:39:57,662 --> 00:40:00,397 getting yourself in this state over. 576 00:40:00,399 --> 00:40:02,966 Mel Gibson, maybe, but not Ted! 577 00:40:02,968 --> 00:40:04,734 Valerie, come here. 578 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:07,003 Just sit down, honey. 579 00:40:07,005 --> 00:40:09,572 Relax. Have a mental Margarita. 580 00:40:09,574 --> 00:40:11,775 Candy, now I'm gonna show you something 581 00:40:11,777 --> 00:40:14,878 that's gonna totally change your life completely, forever, okay? 582 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,714 Well, in that case, let me get a cigarette. 583 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,156 You got little alien house guests… let's see 'em. 584 00:40:28,959 --> 00:40:31,694 (COUGHING) Shit, Valerie! 585 00:40:31,696 --> 00:40:34,764 - Those are aliens! - I told you. 586 00:40:34,766 --> 00:40:37,000 Oh, God! Oh, shit! 587 00:40:37,002 --> 00:40:38,735 Valerie! Valerie! 588 00:40:38,737 --> 00:40:42,472 Those are… those are big… aliens! 589 00:40:42,474 --> 00:40:46,609 What do they want from us? What do you want from us? 590 00:40:46,611 --> 00:40:48,678 Did they take control of your brain? 591 00:40:48,680 --> 00:40:50,747 Oh… I don't think so. 592 00:40:50,749 --> 00:40:54,184 - Can they talk? - ♪ What'll it be, hmm? ♪ 593 00:40:54,186 --> 00:40:55,852 I ate all the Frusen Gladje. 594 00:40:55,854 --> 00:40:57,787 My panty shields make me feel fresh all day. 595 00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:00,490 Are they straight? 596 00:41:00,492 --> 00:41:02,492 I don't know. They're aliens. 597 00:41:02,494 --> 00:41:04,227 This is Mac, 598 00:41:04,229 --> 00:41:06,463 and this is, uh… Zeebo, 599 00:41:06,465 --> 00:41:09,032 - and this is Wiploc. - (COUGHING) 600 00:41:09,034 --> 00:41:11,568 Well, they're just darling. 601 00:41:11,570 --> 00:41:13,203 Get 'em out of here. 602 00:41:13,205 --> 00:41:15,171 They can't leave until the pool is drained 603 00:41:15,173 --> 00:41:17,674 and you know Ted, I mean, if he finds out they're aliens, 604 00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:20,677 he'll wanna call Washington or dissect them or something. 605 00:41:20,679 --> 00:41:23,947 I mean, I think we could make them look more sort of human. 606 00:41:23,949 --> 00:41:26,216 Yeah, I thought you never wanted to see Ted again. 607 00:41:26,218 --> 00:41:29,052 I don't. I just want to talk to him. 608 00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:31,688 Valerie, this is insane. 609 00:41:31,690 --> 00:41:34,491 Oh, God. They're, like, throwing up on my stuff! 610 00:41:34,493 --> 00:41:36,092 VALERIE: Come on, Candy. 611 00:41:39,530 --> 00:41:41,898 Well, I see split ends are universal. 612 00:41:45,035 --> 00:41:47,537 Lost in space with no conditioner, huh? 613 00:41:47,539 --> 00:41:49,672 I think they've been up there a long time. 614 00:41:52,676 --> 00:41:54,711 Well, it's all dead. It's got to come off. 615 00:41:54,713 --> 00:41:57,881 - Can you do it? - Does Tina Turner wear a wig? 616 00:41:57,883 --> 00:41:59,983 - That's a wig? - That's a wig. 617 00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:03,019 - Great! - No, thanks. It's got spit on it. 618 00:42:03,021 --> 00:42:06,155 - I'll get clothes! - But if I find one flea, the deal's off! 619 00:42:08,792 --> 00:42:12,128 Okay, Val, are you ready? I think they're almost done. 620 00:42:12,130 --> 00:42:14,931 Okay, with the big red one I went for the blond-surfer look. 621 00:42:18,936 --> 00:42:20,203 Wow! 622 00:42:20,205 --> 00:42:22,605 Which one is that? 623 00:42:22,607 --> 00:42:25,808 Wiploc. We are human now! 624 00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:28,545 I don't believe it! He's even cute! 625 00:42:28,547 --> 00:42:30,313 CANDY: I know! Bitchin', huh? 626 00:42:32,016 --> 00:42:34,918 Val, you won't believe this. 627 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,253 Okay… 628 00:42:37,255 --> 00:42:39,722 surprise! 629 00:42:42,660 --> 00:42:46,896 - Is that Zeebo? - (MIMICS CANDY) Oh, my God! You're, like, totally black! 630 00:42:50,734 --> 00:42:52,835 Okay… and… 631 00:42:52,837 --> 00:42:55,138 behind door number three… 632 00:42:55,140 --> 00:42:57,273 this is the ultimate! 633 00:43:05,749 --> 00:43:07,717 Wow! 634 00:43:09,787 --> 00:43:11,688 You're incredible. 635 00:43:15,759 --> 00:43:19,128 Well, it was easy. You know, I started on poodles. 636 00:43:19,130 --> 00:43:21,197 Good? 637 00:43:21,199 --> 00:43:23,333 Real good. 638 00:43:26,971 --> 00:43:29,672 Okay, okay. Group picture. Come on. 639 00:43:29,674 --> 00:43:31,774 Come on. Get down there. 640 00:43:34,712 --> 00:43:36,145 All right… 641 00:43:36,147 --> 00:43:38,881 now say, Velveeta Slices. 642 00:43:38,883 --> 00:43:41,017 - Sl… vegakld. - Vel… salksi. 643 00:43:43,921 --> 00:43:46,189 Okay, you guys, what's the plan for tonight? 644 00:43:46,191 --> 00:43:48,758 Whoa! Candy, reality check. 645 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,860 We can't go out with these guys. They're aliens. 646 00:43:50,862 --> 00:43:53,963 So? They can still be dates! 647 00:43:53,965 --> 00:43:56,399 Do you guys have Margaritas on your planet? 648 00:43:56,401 --> 00:43:59,335 Candy, it's just not safe. I'll give you a life home and that's it. 649 00:43:59,337 --> 00:44:01,638 Don't get your panties in a bunch. 650 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,340 We're with three major cute guys and it's Saturday night! 651 00:44:04,342 --> 00:44:06,309 Come on! 652 00:44:13,651 --> 00:44:16,019 CANDY: You guys are so lucky you crashed in the valley. 653 00:44:16,021 --> 00:44:18,154 I mean, it's the baddest place on earth. 654 00:44:26,864 --> 00:44:29,732 Candy, sit down! 655 00:44:29,734 --> 00:44:31,801 Hi, sweets. 656 00:44:31,803 --> 00:44:35,872 I think we'd like to keep a low profile, Candy. 657 00:44:35,874 --> 00:44:38,274 Guys, whatcha doing later? 658 00:44:41,879 --> 00:44:45,014 You know, I never would have believed that this could happen. 659 00:44:45,016 --> 00:44:47,850 What, that you'd be cruising the boulevard with shaved Martians? 660 00:44:47,852 --> 00:44:51,054 No. That Ted would do this to me. 661 00:44:51,056 --> 00:44:54,123 Men, boy. Give 'em enough rope and they'll dig their own grave. 662 00:44:54,125 --> 00:44:58,094 - So true. - He said he wanted one last fling. 663 00:44:58,096 --> 00:45:00,897 Maybe that's normal, I don't know. 664 00:45:00,899 --> 00:45:02,965 I'm sure we'll be happy once we're married, 665 00:45:02,967 --> 00:45:06,235 but I just can't pretend like this didn't happen, you know? 666 00:45:06,237 --> 00:45:11,307 Valerie, you work so hard to make Ted happy. Who is making you happy? 667 00:45:18,982 --> 00:45:22,018 - ALL: Whoo! - Finland babes! 668 00:45:22,020 --> 00:45:25,154 (YODELING) 669 00:45:25,156 --> 00:45:27,390 Hey, didn't you go to Van Nuys High? 670 00:45:27,392 --> 00:45:29,992 Van Nuys High? 671 00:45:29,994 --> 00:45:33,362 - Aren't you Terry Harper's brother? - Terry Harper's brother? 672 00:45:33,364 --> 00:45:34,864 (LAUGHING) 673 00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,966 Someone oughta hose those girls down. 674 00:45:36,968 --> 00:45:39,936 - Wanna party? - Wanna party? 675 00:45:39,938 --> 00:45:41,270 Yeah, come on! 676 00:45:43,107 --> 00:45:44,974 Wiploc! 677 00:45:47,111 --> 00:45:49,078 Wiploc! 678 00:45:52,850 --> 00:45:54,817 CANDY: Look! There they are! 679 00:45:58,355 --> 00:46:00,223 Okay, don't worry. I'll go get him. 680 00:46:00,225 --> 00:46:02,492 - Me, too. - Me, too, too. 681 00:46:02,494 --> 00:46:04,060 Wait, I don't think we all should go… 682 00:46:04,062 --> 00:46:06,295 Oh, it's only gonna take a minute. 683 00:46:11,135 --> 00:46:13,069 Come on, you guys, what are you doing? 684 00:46:14,505 --> 00:46:17,039 ("TARZAN" YELL) 685 00:46:21,145 --> 00:46:23,913 ♪ When I need something ♪ ♪ to help me unwind ♪ 686 00:46:23,915 --> 00:46:27,884 ♪ I find a six-foot baby ♪ ♪ with a one-track mind ♪ 687 00:46:27,886 --> 00:46:31,888 ♪ Smart guys are nowhere, ♪ ♪ they make demands ♪ 688 00:46:31,890 --> 00:46:34,924 ♪ Give me a moron ♪ ♪ with talented hands… ♪ 689 00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:37,026 Where did you buy those? 690 00:46:37,028 --> 00:46:40,029 - They're my dad's. - Those are fabulous. 691 00:46:40,031 --> 00:46:41,898 I know. 692 00:46:41,900 --> 00:46:43,566 ♪ …fall in love ♪ ♪ till we're done ♪ 693 00:46:43,568 --> 00:46:45,902 ♪ Then they're ♪ ♪ out in the hall ♪ 694 00:46:45,904 --> 00:46:47,203 ♪ I like 'em big ♪ 695 00:46:47,205 --> 00:46:49,305 ♪ And stupid ♪ 696 00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:50,907 ♪ I like 'em big ♪ 697 00:46:50,909 --> 00:46:52,809 ♪ And real dumb ♪ 698 00:46:52,811 --> 00:46:54,443 ♪ I like 'em big ♪ 699 00:46:54,445 --> 00:46:56,412 ♪ And stupid ♪ 700 00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:04,020 ♪ What kind of guy ♪ ♪ does a lot for me? ♪ 701 00:47:04,022 --> 00:47:06,889 ♪ Superman ♪ ♪ with a lobotomy ♪ 702 00:47:06,891 --> 00:47:08,457 ♪ My father's ♪ ♪ out of Harvard ♪ 703 00:47:08,459 --> 00:47:10,193 ♪ My brother's out of Yale ♪ 704 00:47:10,195 --> 00:47:12,328 ♪ But the guy ♪ ♪ I took home last night ♪ 705 00:47:12,330 --> 00:47:14,030 ♪ Just got out of jail… ♪ 706 00:47:14,032 --> 00:47:16,933 Valerie! Hi! Over here! 707 00:47:16,935 --> 00:47:18,568 - Candy! - Hi! 708 00:47:18,570 --> 00:47:21,003 Are you nuts? What are you doing? 709 00:47:21,005 --> 00:47:22,972 Having cocktails. 710 00:47:24,041 --> 00:47:26,609 Alaskan polar bear heater. 711 00:47:26,611 --> 00:47:29,111 Candy, give me a break. Ted is coming home tonight 712 00:47:29,113 --> 00:47:32,315 and there's a UFO in my pool. A UFO! 713 00:47:32,317 --> 00:47:36,085 B.F.D. Ted's not gonna be there for a few hours. 714 00:47:36,087 --> 00:47:39,121 - Just chill out, Val. - We have to get these guys out of here 715 00:47:39,123 --> 00:47:41,324 before anyone figures out they're aliens. 716 00:47:41,326 --> 00:47:43,626 No one's going to know they're aliens, okay? 717 00:47:43,628 --> 00:47:47,263 Tonya! 718 00:47:47,265 --> 00:47:49,131 Hi. You know Val. 719 00:47:49,133 --> 00:47:51,901 - And this is Mac, Wiploc, and Zeebo. - Hi. 720 00:47:51,903 --> 00:47:55,104 They're from Mars or something! Could you die? 721 00:47:55,106 --> 00:47:57,173 Hey, Zeebo, wanna dance? 722 00:47:58,475 --> 00:48:01,177 - Wanna dance? - Great idea. 723 00:48:03,614 --> 00:48:05,181 Wiploc. 724 00:48:06,617 --> 00:48:09,585 - Should I dance? - Sure. 725 00:48:09,587 --> 00:48:12,154 Fine. Hey, party down. 726 00:48:12,156 --> 00:48:15,057 When you're ready for your chauffeur, I'll be out on the patio. 727 00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,662 What's her problem? 728 00:48:22,099 --> 00:48:24,166 Two weeks? 729 00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:25,668 Whoa! 730 00:48:25,670 --> 00:48:28,037 ♪ …'Cause ♪ ♪ it was so stupid ♪ 731 00:48:28,039 --> 00:48:31,474 ♪ The bigger they come, ♪ ♪ the harder I fall ♪ 732 00:48:31,476 --> 00:48:33,342 ♪ In love till we're done ♪ 733 00:48:33,344 --> 00:48:35,344 ♪ Then they're ♪ ♪ out in the hall… ♪ 734 00:48:35,346 --> 00:48:38,447 Come on. Let's dance. Whoo! 735 00:48:38,449 --> 00:48:40,416 ♪ I like 'em big ♪ 736 00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:42,184 ♪ And real dumb ♪ 737 00:48:42,186 --> 00:48:44,020 ♪ I like 'em big and… ♪ 738 00:48:44,022 --> 00:48:45,288 He left? 739 00:48:49,026 --> 00:48:51,260 ♪ She likes 'em big ♪ 740 00:48:51,262 --> 00:48:52,695 ♪ And stupid. ♪ 741 00:48:53,931 --> 00:48:55,431 (PIANO PLAYING) 742 00:49:06,543 --> 00:49:09,512 You, go rest your thumbs. I'll drive. 743 00:49:40,544 --> 00:49:43,112 You can actually play that? 744 00:49:43,114 --> 00:49:46,248 Valerie, are we limp and hard to manage? 745 00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:50,119 Oh, no, no. You're fine. 746 00:49:50,121 --> 00:49:51,687 I'm sorry. 747 00:49:51,689 --> 00:49:54,123 I just don't feel like talking much. 748 00:49:54,125 --> 00:49:58,160 I guess, I figured that everything would just fall into place 749 00:49:58,162 --> 00:50:01,630 - if I found Mr. Right. - Mr. Right? 750 00:50:01,632 --> 00:50:03,532 Yeah. 751 00:50:03,534 --> 00:50:06,535 Mr. Right is like the guy you dream of meeting 752 00:50:06,537 --> 00:50:08,404 ever since you're a little girl. 753 00:50:08,406 --> 00:50:12,608 And you'd go anyplace or do anything to be together. 754 00:50:12,610 --> 00:50:14,510 And he feels the same way about you 755 00:50:14,512 --> 00:50:18,214 because you're right for each other. 756 00:50:18,216 --> 00:50:21,283 I don't know. Maybe I'm kidding myself. 757 00:50:21,285 --> 00:50:23,119 Maybe there's no such thing. 758 00:50:31,695 --> 00:50:34,130 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 759 00:50:34,132 --> 00:50:36,032 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 760 00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:38,267 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 761 00:50:38,269 --> 00:50:40,169 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 762 00:50:40,171 --> 00:50:42,171 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 763 00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:44,206 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 764 00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:45,641 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 765 00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,276 ♪ - Hey, baby. ♪ ♪ - Hi. ♪ 766 00:50:47,278 --> 00:50:49,779 Why be with a zero when you can dance with a hero? 767 00:50:52,783 --> 00:50:54,683 ♪ Oh, baby ♪ 768 00:50:56,086 --> 00:50:58,287 ♪ You got to tell me ♪ 769 00:50:58,289 --> 00:51:01,290 ♪ Where it takes us ♪ ♪ you don't care ♪ 770 00:51:01,292 --> 00:51:03,759 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 771 00:51:03,761 --> 00:51:06,462 ♪ Baby, just fix up ♪ ♪ your hair ♪ 772 00:51:06,464 --> 00:51:12,535 ♪ It doesn't matter ♪ ♪ what you wear to me ♪ 773 00:51:12,537 --> 00:51:14,670 ♪ Get yourself back ♪ ♪ in your car ♪ 774 00:51:14,672 --> 00:51:17,740 ♪ You won't have to ♪ ♪ go too far ♪ 775 00:51:17,742 --> 00:51:20,743 ♪ To see, oh, baby ♪ 776 00:51:20,745 --> 00:51:22,678 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 777 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,847 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 778 00:51:24,849 --> 00:51:26,615 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 779 00:51:26,617 --> 00:51:28,717 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 780 00:51:28,719 --> 00:51:30,753 ♪ Come on, now, hurry ♪ 781 00:51:30,755 --> 00:51:32,788 ♪ There's always something ♪ ♪ we can do ♪ 782 00:51:32,790 --> 00:51:36,559 Yo, baby. Why be with a hero when you can dance with a zero? 783 00:51:36,561 --> 00:51:38,761 ♪ Don't have to worry ♪ 784 00:51:38,763 --> 00:51:42,098 ♪ As long as I'm out there ♪ ♪ with you ♪ 785 00:51:42,100 --> 00:51:44,800 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪ 786 00:51:44,802 --> 00:51:47,203 ♪ Baby, just fix up ♪ ♪ your hair ♪ 787 00:51:47,205 --> 00:51:53,209 ♪ It doesn't matter ♪ ♪ what you wear to me ♪ 788 00:51:53,211 --> 00:51:55,377 ♪ Get yourself back ♪ ♪ in your car ♪ 789 00:51:55,379 --> 00:51:57,880 ♪ You won't have to ♪ ♪ go too far… ♪ 790 00:51:57,882 --> 00:52:00,516 - Whoa. - Hey, hey, hey! 791 00:52:00,518 --> 00:52:01,851 Back off, Jack! 792 00:52:01,853 --> 00:52:04,386 The lucky lady's with me, all right? 793 00:52:04,388 --> 00:52:06,255 And don't be copping my dance moves. 794 00:52:06,257 --> 00:52:08,724 I'll dance with you both. I don't care. 795 00:52:08,726 --> 00:52:10,493 No, no, no. You don't understand. 796 00:52:10,495 --> 00:52:12,728 He can't dance. 797 00:52:12,730 --> 00:52:15,531 All right. I know he can't do this. 798 00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:19,335 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 799 00:52:19,337 --> 00:52:21,637 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 800 00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:24,240 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 801 00:52:24,242 --> 00:52:25,808 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 802 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:27,576 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 803 00:52:27,578 --> 00:52:29,812 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 804 00:52:29,814 --> 00:52:31,647 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 805 00:52:31,649 --> 00:52:34,383 - ♪ Out on the floor ♪ - Yeah, go! 806 00:52:34,385 --> 00:52:36,152 ♪ Shake all night ♪ 807 00:52:36,154 --> 00:52:38,320 ♪ Don't you ♪ ♪ want to shake it? ♪ 808 00:52:40,223 --> 00:52:43,526 ♪ Come on, shake it, baby ♪ 809 00:52:43,528 --> 00:52:44,894 ♪ Shake it, baby ♪ 810 00:52:44,896 --> 00:52:46,862 ♪ Shake it, baby, ♪ ♪ shake it ♪ 811 00:52:46,864 --> 00:52:48,697 ♪ Dance all night ♪ 812 00:52:48,699 --> 00:52:50,666 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 813 00:52:57,374 --> 00:52:58,774 Come on, man. 814 00:53:02,546 --> 00:53:04,747 Hot damn! Hot damn! 815 00:53:07,684 --> 00:53:12,254 ♪ There's nothing ♪ ♪ I'd rather do ♪ 816 00:53:12,256 --> 00:53:16,759 ♪ Right here ♪ ♪ while you're mine ♪ 817 00:53:16,761 --> 00:53:19,662 ♪ Being here with you ♪ 818 00:53:19,664 --> 00:53:22,965 ♪ Leaving it ♪ ♪ all behind, baby ♪ 819 00:53:25,735 --> 00:53:28,737 All right! Hey! Whoo! 820 00:53:39,216 --> 00:53:41,317 ♪ Baby, just fix up ♪ ♪ your hair ♪ 821 00:53:41,319 --> 00:53:47,289 ♪ It doesn't matter ♪ ♪ what you wear to me ♪ 822 00:53:47,291 --> 00:53:49,425 ♪ Get yourself back ♪ ♪ in your car ♪ 823 00:53:49,427 --> 00:53:52,428 ♪ You won't have to ♪ ♪ go too far ♪ 824 00:53:52,430 --> 00:53:55,397 ♪ To see, oh, baby ♪ 825 00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:57,433 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 826 00:53:57,435 --> 00:53:59,568 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 827 00:53:59,570 --> 00:54:01,670 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 828 00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:03,672 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 829 00:54:03,674 --> 00:54:05,608 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake all night ♪ 830 00:54:05,610 --> 00:54:07,543 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake it right ♪ 831 00:54:07,545 --> 00:54:10,246 ♪ Baby gonna ♪ ♪ shake so fast ♪ 832 00:54:10,248 --> 00:54:12,281 ♪ Out on the floor ♪ 833 00:54:12,283 --> 00:54:13,482 ♪ Shake all night ♪ 834 00:54:13,484 --> 00:54:16,885 - Damn! - ♪ Baby. ♪ 835 00:54:25,996 --> 00:54:28,564 I'm going home with him. 836 00:54:28,566 --> 00:54:31,467 I'm going home with him. 837 00:54:31,469 --> 00:54:33,435 I'm going home with him. 838 00:54:35,839 --> 00:54:37,740 Bitch. 839 00:54:37,742 --> 00:54:41,377 You know, I don't even know what planet you're from. 840 00:54:41,379 --> 00:54:42,878 Jhazalla. 841 00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:46,382 Oh. We've only been as far as the moon. 842 00:54:49,886 --> 00:54:51,887 You know, at first, 843 00:54:51,889 --> 00:54:53,756 I thought you kind of looked 844 00:54:53,758 --> 00:54:56,492 like a giant bigfoot or something, 845 00:54:56,494 --> 00:55:00,462 but now, I mean, if I didn't know you were an alien, 846 00:55:00,464 --> 00:55:03,332 I would just think that you were 847 00:55:03,334 --> 00:55:05,401 a really cute guy… 848 00:55:05,403 --> 00:55:07,836 who, I'm sure, has a girlfriend. 849 00:55:07,838 --> 00:55:11,307 No Mr. Right girlfriend. 850 00:55:21,017 --> 00:55:22,985 (WIPLOC YODELING) 851 00:55:24,854 --> 00:55:27,356 My God, that's Wiploc. 852 00:55:27,358 --> 00:55:29,858 ♪ Hit me ♪ 853 00:55:29,860 --> 00:55:32,561 MAN: All right! All right! 854 00:55:46,943 --> 00:55:49,044 - Give me your autograph. - On my forehead. 855 00:55:49,046 --> 00:55:50,846 Sign these. 856 00:55:53,983 --> 00:55:56,952 Candy, I can't believe you're frenching an alien in front of all these people. 857 00:55:56,954 --> 00:55:58,921 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 858 00:56:01,758 --> 00:56:05,728 We go, okay? Come on. Wiploc. 859 00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:09,098 No, I want to be zero. I want to be zero. 860 00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:13,402 - No, no, no. - (SCREAMING) 861 00:56:17,540 --> 00:56:20,442 Candy, uh, I'll call ya. 862 00:56:20,444 --> 00:56:23,379 - Oh, what was it like? - Oh, my God! You're so lucky! 863 00:56:23,381 --> 00:56:25,681 Did you get his number? 864 00:56:25,683 --> 00:56:28,384 I want his baby. 865 00:56:30,587 --> 00:56:32,388 Sweetheart? 866 00:56:32,390 --> 00:56:34,390 Sweetheart, I'm sorry. 867 00:56:34,392 --> 00:56:36,091 Val? 868 00:56:39,596 --> 00:56:41,730 Honey? 869 00:56:41,732 --> 00:56:43,866 Hey, Val? 870 00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:50,906 What? Oh, wait a second. 871 00:56:50,908 --> 00:56:53,409 They said the Commodore would stand up to anything. 872 00:56:53,411 --> 00:56:55,077 - (BOWLING BALL THUDS) - Ow! 873 00:56:55,079 --> 00:56:58,614 Beemer? Beemer? 874 00:57:00,483 --> 00:57:02,684 Beemer. (MIMICS FISH SOUND) 875 00:57:02,686 --> 00:57:05,521 Astin, where's Martin? 876 00:57:05,523 --> 00:57:07,623 Where's Martin? Where's Val? Alright, don't… don't panic. 877 00:57:07,625 --> 00:57:10,893 She probably wasn't here when it happened. 878 00:57:10,895 --> 00:57:13,028 Operator, give me the police. This is an emergency. 879 00:57:13,030 --> 00:57:14,997 (YELLING) 880 00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,168 (DOG BARKING) 881 00:57:26,643 --> 00:57:29,912 Police? This is Dr. Gallagher. 882 00:57:29,914 --> 00:57:32,648 I'd like to report a break-in 883 00:57:32,650 --> 00:57:35,717 and… and a possible kidnapping. 884 00:57:35,719 --> 00:57:37,953 Oh, God. Ted's here. 885 00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:41,023 You guys, act human, okay? 886 00:57:41,025 --> 00:57:43,926 Just act human. 887 00:57:43,928 --> 00:57:46,228 Oh, sweetheart, you're all right. 888 00:57:46,230 --> 00:57:49,198 Oh, I was so worried about you. 889 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,700 When I came home, the house was totally wrecked. 890 00:57:51,702 --> 00:57:54,803 (ELECTRIC RAZOR BUZZING) 891 00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:58,507 - Who are they? - Who? Those guys? 892 00:57:58,509 --> 00:58:00,576 - Yeah. - A band. 893 00:58:00,578 --> 00:58:03,579 - Boy, I'm totally clear. - (HUMMING) 894 00:58:03,581 --> 00:58:06,882 - ZEEBO: What's up, Doc? - You mean like a rock 'n' roll band? 895 00:58:06,884 --> 00:58:09,184 What are you doing with a band, Val? 896 00:58:09,186 --> 00:58:11,854 I won them on MTV. 897 00:58:11,856 --> 00:58:14,857 I won an MTV weekend with a band. 898 00:58:14,859 --> 00:58:17,826 Hi. I am, uh, Mac. 899 00:58:17,828 --> 00:58:19,595 How is it hanging, Mr. Dude? 900 00:58:19,597 --> 00:58:22,664 - Dr. Dude. - Dr. Dude. 901 00:58:22,666 --> 00:58:24,766 Oh, no, Val. Wait a minute. 902 00:58:24,768 --> 00:58:26,768 Listen, I came home to talk to you alone. 903 00:58:26,770 --> 00:58:29,204 I'm sorry, fellas. This is private. 904 00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:31,673 - I'm sure you won't mind when I ask you to leave. - Oh, leave? No, no. 905 00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:34,209 They can't leave. They're spending the weekend. 906 00:58:34,211 --> 00:58:36,812 No, no, Val. They can't spend the weekend. 907 00:58:36,814 --> 00:58:39,781 - This is my house. I say they're out of here. - Your house? Wait, wait, wait. 908 00:58:39,783 --> 00:58:42,150 I think I threw you out, Dr. Love. 909 00:58:42,152 --> 00:58:44,019 Oh, yeah? Well, now I'm gonna throw them out. 910 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:45,854 - So what about that? - No, you're not. 911 00:58:45,856 --> 00:58:47,856 - Yes, I am. They're out of… - No… 912 00:58:47,858 --> 00:58:50,125 - I won them. I get to… - What? 913 00:58:50,127 --> 00:58:55,797 - You're tearing me apart! - Val, these guys are too weird. 914 00:58:55,799 --> 00:58:58,634 - You have no business being with people like that. - Listen, I never won a band 915 00:58:58,636 --> 00:59:00,736 before and I get them for the whole weekend, so they're staying. 916 00:59:00,738 --> 00:59:02,738 I want you to be happy. That's fine, but… 917 00:59:02,740 --> 00:59:04,806 - Dr. Dude? - What is it now? 918 00:59:04,808 --> 00:59:06,108 - (SPEAKS ALIEN LANGUAGE) - (SCREAMS) 919 00:59:06,110 --> 00:59:09,044 - For you is good. - You animal! 920 00:59:09,046 --> 00:59:12,147 I oughta give you a tracheotomy. 921 00:59:12,149 --> 00:59:14,316 - Do you know who that was? That was Mercedes. - No, Ted, don't! 922 00:59:14,318 --> 00:59:16,985 My most expensive fish! Do you know how much Mercedes cost me?! 923 00:59:16,987 --> 00:59:19,321 - He cost me 300 bucks! - Hey, what's going on here? 924 00:59:19,323 --> 00:59:21,189 All right, all right. Break it up. 925 00:59:21,191 --> 00:59:24,059 - Hey, hey! Come on! - Break it up. 926 00:59:24,061 --> 00:59:27,663 - What are you doing? - Who's Dr. Gallagher? 927 00:59:27,665 --> 00:59:31,333 - I'm Dr. Gallagher. - Uh-huh. I'm Officer Demonte. 928 00:59:31,335 --> 00:59:33,168 This is Officer Murphy. 929 00:59:33,170 --> 00:59:35,904 You reported a break-in and possible kidnapping? 930 00:59:35,906 --> 00:59:40,208 Yes, I did, officer, but, thank God, she's here now and she's fine. 931 00:59:40,210 --> 00:59:43,779 However, these degenerates broke into my home 932 00:59:43,781 --> 00:59:46,949 and destroyed my property and I want them arrested right now. 933 00:59:46,951 --> 00:59:48,784 - They're MTV scum! - All right. 934 00:59:48,786 --> 00:59:51,687 Ma'am, you mind telling us what's really going on here? 935 00:59:51,689 --> 00:59:55,157 Officer, sir, this man does not live here anymore, 936 00:59:55,159 --> 00:59:57,159 and he's strangling my guests. 937 00:59:57,161 --> 01:00:00,829 - He was eating my Blue-Gilled Dorky. - Hey, watch your mouth! 938 01:00:00,831 --> 01:00:04,800 10-13. We got a false report. 939 01:00:04,802 --> 01:00:07,669 Just a domestic dispute. 940 01:00:07,671 --> 01:00:10,973 His girlfriend dumped him for a rock band. 941 01:00:10,975 --> 01:00:13,675 - That's bullshit! - Hey, buddy. 942 01:00:13,677 --> 01:00:15,744 Maybe you need to go someplace and cool off, huh? 943 01:00:15,746 --> 01:00:17,379 Let go of me! I'm a doctor! 944 01:00:17,381 --> 01:00:20,015 Good, if we have to bust your arm, you can put on your own cast. 945 01:00:20,017 --> 01:00:23,752 You're right, Val. There is a lot I don't know about you, 946 01:00:23,754 --> 01:00:26,688 but if you thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with you 947 01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:30,826 and your weird friends and that psychotic cat of yours, you're crazy! 948 01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:34,029 - The wedding's off, Val! - Come on, buddy. 949 01:00:38,801 --> 01:00:41,269 ZEEBO: You wanna dance with a zero? 950 01:00:41,271 --> 01:00:43,305 I'm sorry. 951 01:00:43,307 --> 01:00:46,141 I think I have to go to my room now. 952 01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:58,286 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 953 01:01:21,744 --> 01:01:23,779 Is Ted coming back? 954 01:01:26,082 --> 01:01:27,883 (SIGHS) 955 01:01:27,885 --> 01:01:31,186 No. Ted doesn't wanna come back. 956 01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,188 I don't know what Ted wants, 957 01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:35,891 but it's not me. 958 01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:38,293 What does Valerie want? 959 01:01:39,896 --> 01:01:44,199 I don't know. I just wanna be happy. 960 01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:46,068 Mac could make Valerie happy. 961 01:01:48,404 --> 01:01:52,240 Thanks, but I don't think anybody could make me feel very good right now. 962 01:01:52,242 --> 01:01:56,912 Mac could make Valerie feel very, very good. 963 01:01:58,915 --> 01:02:01,416 Wait a minute. Are you, like, coming on to me? 964 01:02:01,418 --> 01:02:04,319 Is this a pass? Because, I mean, if it is, 965 01:02:04,321 --> 01:02:07,255 sex is, like, totally out of the question. 966 01:02:07,257 --> 01:02:09,257 What is sex? 967 01:02:09,259 --> 01:02:13,428 Sex… you know, making love. 968 01:02:13,430 --> 01:02:16,331 A man and a woman like each other, 969 01:02:16,333 --> 01:02:18,867 and they take their clothes off, and… 970 01:02:18,869 --> 01:02:22,137 - Okay. - Well, no, no, no! 971 01:02:22,139 --> 01:02:25,941 We can't. No, because, I mean, me and Ted are, uh… 972 01:02:25,943 --> 01:02:28,076 well, I guess we're not, but, I mean, uh… 973 01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:31,012 we can't because, I mean, you're an alien, 974 01:02:31,014 --> 01:02:33,048 and I'm from the valley. 975 01:02:33,050 --> 01:02:36,885 We may not even be, you know, anatomically correct for each other. 976 01:02:36,887 --> 01:02:38,954 That could be a real problem. 977 01:02:38,956 --> 01:02:42,090 (ZIPPER UNZIPS) 978 01:02:42,092 --> 01:02:45,327 No problem. But, I mean, uh, no, no, no. 979 01:02:45,329 --> 01:02:48,330 I mean, it just wouldn't work. 980 01:02:48,332 --> 01:02:51,199 You're from out of town. The phone bills would just be hell… 981 01:02:51,201 --> 01:02:53,435 Shh. 982 01:02:53,437 --> 01:02:56,471 Well, I just don't want you to think 983 01:02:56,473 --> 01:03:00,976 - Earth girls are easy. - What is easy? 984 01:03:00,978 --> 01:03:03,178 This is easy. 985 01:04:56,893 --> 01:04:59,094 (SCREAMS) 986 01:05:04,333 --> 01:05:06,067 (SCREAMS) 987 01:05:06,069 --> 01:05:09,504 - (SIREN BLARING) - Oh! 988 01:05:21,550 --> 01:05:24,052 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 989 01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:27,122 - I told you not to have fun. - I wasn't. 990 01:05:31,160 --> 01:05:33,128 (TELEPHONE RINGING) 991 01:05:43,039 --> 01:05:44,406 Help! 992 01:05:59,455 --> 01:06:01,323 Ted! 993 01:06:03,459 --> 01:06:05,460 Help! 994 01:06:05,462 --> 01:06:09,030 Uh-oh. Uh, don't go anywhere. 995 01:06:09,032 --> 01:06:10,632 I've been paged. 996 01:06:10,634 --> 01:06:13,601 - Oh, sweetheart. - Ted. 997 01:06:13,603 --> 01:06:15,403 - Ted, make it stop. - Oh, hey. 998 01:06:15,405 --> 01:06:17,238 Ted. 999 01:06:19,075 --> 01:06:21,609 What happened to my fish? 1000 01:06:24,613 --> 01:06:26,581 Ted! 1001 01:06:34,223 --> 01:06:36,191 Beemer! 1002 01:06:36,193 --> 01:06:38,994 Your face! What happened? 1003 01:06:38,996 --> 01:06:40,395 (FROG CROAKS) 1004 01:06:47,036 --> 01:06:50,505 Don't! 1005 01:06:50,507 --> 01:06:52,540 Stop it, stop it! 1006 01:06:57,346 --> 01:06:59,147 (SCREAMS) 1007 01:07:32,248 --> 01:07:33,815 Hi. 1008 01:07:35,151 --> 01:07:36,518 Hi. 1009 01:07:40,823 --> 01:07:44,592 God, I had the weirdest dream last night. 1010 01:07:44,594 --> 01:07:46,761 - All I remember is… - Shh. 1011 01:07:52,435 --> 01:07:55,236 (TWO HEARTBEATS) 1012 01:07:55,238 --> 01:07:57,839 You have the strangest heartbeat. 1013 01:07:57,841 --> 01:08:00,442 Sounds like you have two hearts. 1014 01:08:00,444 --> 01:08:03,445 Yes. Don't you? 1015 01:08:04,747 --> 01:08:06,848 No, I just have one. 1016 01:08:08,451 --> 01:08:10,718 Tell me about Zimbabwe. 1017 01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:15,323 - Jhazalla? - Jhazalla. Is it like Earth? 1018 01:08:15,325 --> 01:08:17,592 Yes. It's beautiful. 1019 01:08:17,594 --> 01:08:19,594 Sounds neat. 1020 01:08:19,596 --> 01:08:23,598 - Is driving a UFO a good job? - Oh, yes. 1021 01:08:23,600 --> 01:08:26,434 - Do you own your own home or do you rent? - (KNOCKS ON WINDOW) 1022 01:08:26,436 --> 01:08:28,236 No water. Come look. 1023 01:08:30,172 --> 01:08:32,373 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1024 01:08:51,427 --> 01:08:53,394 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1025 01:09:36,372 --> 01:09:37,906 Hi, guys. 1026 01:09:37,908 --> 01:09:39,674 Hope instant decaf is okay. 1027 01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:41,442 Breakfast is on the way. 1028 01:09:41,444 --> 01:09:43,645 I'm making pancakes from scratch. 1029 01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:46,314 Yeah. Valerie, uh… 1030 01:09:46,316 --> 01:09:48,449 we can go home now. 1031 01:09:48,451 --> 01:09:50,852 Oh. 1032 01:09:50,854 --> 01:09:53,588 Gee… that's great. 1033 01:09:55,457 --> 01:09:59,594 Wow. I didn't think it would be so soon. 1034 01:09:59,596 --> 01:10:02,363 Yeah. 1035 01:10:02,365 --> 01:10:04,632 That's, uh, that's really good. 1036 01:10:06,569 --> 01:10:10,371 Yeah. Uh, Valerie… 1037 01:10:10,373 --> 01:10:15,376 - (TELEPHONE RINGING) - Well, I better go get that. 1038 01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:16,811 WOODY: Pool man! 1039 01:10:18,614 --> 01:10:20,682 Hey, dudes, what's happening? 1040 01:10:21,817 --> 01:10:24,619 - Woody. - Woody. 1041 01:10:24,621 --> 01:10:26,654 What is this? 1042 01:10:26,656 --> 01:10:29,290 - A spaceship? - Spaceship? 1043 01:10:29,292 --> 01:10:32,493 (LAUGHS) 1044 01:10:32,495 --> 01:10:34,696 - No way, Jose, Woody. - No. 1045 01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:36,631 - What is it, then? - A car. 1046 01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:39,534 Oh! That's why she wanted me to drain it. 1047 01:10:39,536 --> 01:10:41,769 She drove her car into the pool. 1048 01:10:41,771 --> 01:10:44,606 I'm always doing that. 1049 01:10:44,608 --> 01:10:47,008 Pretty rad car, though. Where is it made? 1050 01:10:47,010 --> 01:10:48,876 Finland. 1051 01:10:48,878 --> 01:10:50,311 - Finland. - Finland. 1052 01:10:50,313 --> 01:10:52,447 Oh, I heard of that. 1053 01:10:52,449 --> 01:10:56,317 Ted, bringing that girl here was inexcusable, 1054 01:10:56,319 --> 01:10:59,287 but now that I've slept on it, 1055 01:10:59,289 --> 01:11:00,755 I could probably forgive you, 1056 01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,924 but what about calling off the wedding? 1057 01:11:02,926 --> 01:11:05,460 Sweetheart, I didn't mean that. 1058 01:11:05,462 --> 01:11:08,496 Marrying you is the most important thing in the world right now. 1059 01:11:08,498 --> 01:11:11,499 I need you to take care of me. 1060 01:11:11,501 --> 01:11:15,503 And I promise, I won't so much as look at another woman, so long as I live. 1061 01:11:15,505 --> 01:11:19,907 Well, unless, of course, I'm giving her a physical examination. 1062 01:11:19,909 --> 01:11:21,609 Well, I hope not. 1063 01:11:21,611 --> 01:11:25,280 A relationship is a lot like a porcelain nail, Ted. 1064 01:11:25,282 --> 01:11:27,849 You can break it and you can glue it back together, 1065 01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:29,984 but it's not gonna be as strong as it was 1066 01:11:29,986 --> 01:11:33,388 unless the person is really committed and not bringing home nurses. 1067 01:11:33,390 --> 01:11:36,524 Whoa, you should've seen me today, man. 1068 01:11:36,526 --> 01:11:39,527 Nothing but radical rips all the way in. 1069 01:11:39,529 --> 01:11:42,063 You want some slushy? 1070 01:11:42,065 --> 01:11:45,967 Yeah, I was barely off my board and the wahines are all over me. 1071 01:11:45,969 --> 01:11:48,469 Ew! Wahines! 1072 01:11:48,471 --> 01:11:52,040 Wahines. You know, girls. 1073 01:11:52,042 --> 01:11:54,976 - Girls? - You know girls? 1074 01:11:54,978 --> 01:11:57,345 Does the Woodburger know girls? 1075 01:11:57,347 --> 01:12:00,882 Pinocchio got a wooden butt? 1076 01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:04,485 I could fix you up with some bodacious chicks just like that. 1077 01:12:04,487 --> 01:12:07,655 - Don't believe me? - Like that. 1078 01:12:07,657 --> 01:12:11,559 Come on. Let's hit the beach. Ride the wild bikinis! 1079 01:12:12,995 --> 01:12:14,862 - We go get Candy? - Yeah. 1080 01:12:14,864 --> 01:12:17,665 Candy, gum, beer nuts, anything you want. 1081 01:12:17,667 --> 01:12:20,034 Twizzlers. I got some Milk Duds. 1082 01:12:20,036 --> 01:12:22,036 You oughta lay off coffee, though, man. 1083 01:12:22,038 --> 01:12:23,671 It'll kill you in a day. 1084 01:12:23,673 --> 01:12:25,340 I know where I'm gonna take you. 1085 01:12:25,342 --> 01:12:27,508 I'm gonna take you to Zuma Beach. 1086 01:12:27,510 --> 01:12:31,479 I need surprises. I need romance. 1087 01:12:31,481 --> 01:12:33,414 I mean, how long has it been since you said 1088 01:12:33,416 --> 01:12:36,584 I love you, I need you, 1089 01:12:36,586 --> 01:12:38,853 I'm crazy about you? 1090 01:12:41,123 --> 01:12:42,790 Well, Ted? 1091 01:12:42,792 --> 01:12:44,859 Get in the car, will you? 1092 01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,895 Wiploc. Zeebo. 1093 01:12:47,897 --> 01:12:51,432 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1094 01:12:51,434 --> 01:12:54,736 Zeebo going to Zuma Beach! 1095 01:12:54,738 --> 01:12:56,104 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1096 01:12:56,106 --> 01:12:58,906 Zeebo! Wiploc! 1097 01:12:58,908 --> 01:13:02,510 Hey, dudes. I just remembered something. 1098 01:13:02,512 --> 01:13:05,646 What was it? Oh, yeah. At the beach today, 1099 01:13:05,648 --> 01:13:08,783 - they're having a blond-of-the-month contest. - Blond? 1100 01:13:08,785 --> 01:13:13,154 Yeah, you know, blonde beach bunnies. California's finest. 1101 01:13:27,736 --> 01:13:30,738 ♪ Because I'm blond ♪ ♪ I don't have to think ♪ 1102 01:13:30,740 --> 01:13:33,641 ♪ I talk like a baby ♪ ♪ and I never pay for drinks ♪ 1103 01:13:33,643 --> 01:13:36,511 ♪ Don't have to worry ♪ ♪ about getting a man ♪ 1104 01:13:36,513 --> 01:13:38,946 ♪ If I keep this blond ♪ ♪ and I keep these tanned ♪ 1105 01:13:38,948 --> 01:13:41,816 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1106 01:13:41,818 --> 01:13:44,585 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1107 01:13:44,587 --> 01:13:47,789 ♪ I see people working, ♪ ♪ it just makes me giggle ♪ 1108 01:13:47,791 --> 01:13:50,691 ♪ 'Cause I don't have to work, ♪ ♪ I just have to jiggle ♪ 1109 01:13:50,693 --> 01:13:53,161 ♪ 'Cause I'm blond, ♪ ♪ b-l-o-n-d ♪ 1110 01:13:53,163 --> 01:13:56,063 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ don't you wish you were me? ♪ 1111 01:13:56,065 --> 01:13:58,966 ♪ I never learned to read ♪ ♪ and I never learned to cook ♪ 1112 01:13:58,968 --> 01:14:02,036 ♪ Why should I bother ♪ ♪ when I look like I look? ♪ 1113 01:14:02,038 --> 01:14:04,539 ♪ I know lots of people ♪ ♪ are smarter than me ♪ 1114 01:14:04,541 --> 01:14:08,609 ♪ But I have this ♪ ♪ philosophy… so what? ♪ 1115 01:14:10,646 --> 01:14:13,514 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1116 01:14:13,516 --> 01:14:16,451 ♪ I see girls without dates ♪ ♪ and I feel so sorry for them ♪ 1117 01:14:16,453 --> 01:14:19,053 ♪ 'Cause whenever I'm around ♪ ♪ all the men ignore them ♪ 1118 01:14:19,055 --> 01:14:21,722 ♪ 'Cause I'm blond, ♪ ♪ nyah, nyah, nyah ♪ 1119 01:14:21,724 --> 01:14:25,059 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ nyah, nyah, nyah ♪ 1120 01:14:25,061 --> 01:14:27,795 ♪ They say to make it ♪ ♪ you need talent and ambition ♪ 1121 01:14:27,797 --> 01:14:31,466 ♪ Well, I got a TV show ♪ ♪ and this was my audition ♪ 1122 01:14:31,468 --> 01:14:33,868 Um, okay, what was it? Okay, don't tell me. 1123 01:14:33,870 --> 01:14:36,003 Oh, yeah, okay. "Duck, Magnum, duck!" 1124 01:14:36,005 --> 01:14:39,073 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1125 01:14:39,075 --> 01:14:42,610 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1126 01:14:42,612 --> 01:14:45,079 ♪ I took an IQ test, ♪ ♪ and I flunked it, of course ♪ 1127 01:14:45,081 --> 01:14:47,648 ♪ I can't spell "VW," ♪ ♪ but I got a Porsche ♪ 1128 01:14:47,650 --> 01:14:49,984 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ b-l-o-n-d ♪ 1129 01:14:49,986 --> 01:14:53,554 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond ♪ ♪ don't you wish you were me? ♪ 1130 01:14:53,556 --> 01:14:56,657 I just want to say that being chosen as this month's Miss August 1131 01:14:56,659 --> 01:14:59,260 is, like, a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. 1132 01:14:59,262 --> 01:15:01,896 Right now, I'm a freshman in my fourth year at U.C.L.A. 1133 01:15:01,898 --> 01:15:04,932 But my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children. 1134 01:15:04,934 --> 01:15:07,635 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1135 01:15:07,637 --> 01:15:10,838 ♪ 'Cause we're a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1136 01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:13,708 ♪ Girls think I'm snotty ♪ ♪ and maybe it's true ♪ 1137 01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:16,511 ♪ With my hair and body ♪ ♪ you would be, too ♪ 1138 01:15:16,513 --> 01:15:19,280 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ b-l… I don't know ♪ 1139 01:15:19,282 --> 01:15:21,849 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1140 01:15:21,851 --> 01:15:24,919 ♪ Yes, I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1141 01:15:24,921 --> 01:15:27,688 ♪ 'Cause I'm a blond, ♪ ♪ yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪ 1142 01:15:32,294 --> 01:15:35,663 (MAN ON RADIO) 1143 01:15:35,665 --> 01:15:37,899 Hey, dudes. 1144 01:15:37,901 --> 01:15:39,700 Dudes, come on. Snap out of it. 1145 01:15:39,702 --> 01:15:41,669 - We're making a pit stop. - Pit stop? 1146 01:15:51,713 --> 01:15:55,316 - Bang! Bang! - Hello, Opie. 1147 01:15:57,653 --> 01:15:59,654 Bryan, come on over here! 1148 01:15:59,656 --> 01:16:01,689 Will you get in this car right now? 1149 01:16:01,691 --> 01:16:04,692 Mom, he's got my gun! 1150 01:16:04,694 --> 01:16:07,328 How many times have I told you not to tell fibs like that! 1151 01:16:07,330 --> 01:16:10,831 Hey, leave home, kid! 1152 01:16:10,833 --> 01:16:14,769 Hey, dudes! Listen. Since I'm springing for the gas, 1153 01:16:14,771 --> 01:16:17,338 why don't you go pick up some brews and some sandwich stuff. 1154 01:16:17,340 --> 01:16:20,308 BOTH: Some brews and some sandwich stuff. 1155 01:16:20,310 --> 01:16:23,311 Yeah, you know, like, bread and junk. Okay, dudes? 1156 01:16:23,313 --> 01:16:26,814 - Okay, dude. - (GROANS) 1157 01:16:26,816 --> 01:16:28,916 Bread and junk. 1158 01:16:33,288 --> 01:16:35,990 - Give us bread. - We need junk. 1159 01:16:35,992 --> 01:16:38,826 Don't shoot. Don't shoot. I just work here. 1160 01:16:38,828 --> 01:16:42,797 I'm an American. There. Take it. 1161 01:16:42,799 --> 01:16:44,098 - (BELL DINGING) - Take it all. 1162 01:16:45,367 --> 01:16:49,670 - Where is Candy? - Candy? Oh! 1163 01:16:49,672 --> 01:16:51,205 Right here. Take as much as you want. 1164 01:16:56,078 --> 01:16:58,779 - Thank you. - Thank you too much. 1165 01:17:00,148 --> 01:17:01,816 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1166 01:17:10,225 --> 01:17:13,294 Hey, troops! Had to drain the lizard! 1167 01:17:13,296 --> 01:17:15,262 Be right with you. 1168 01:17:18,867 --> 01:17:20,735 Hey, what do I owe you, dude? 1169 01:17:20,737 --> 01:17:22,169 - Get down! - What? 1170 01:17:22,171 --> 01:17:24,038 Get down! 1171 01:17:26,041 --> 01:17:29,076 I was just held up. They're still out there. They got guns! 1172 01:17:29,078 --> 01:17:32,647 Guns? My buddies are out there. 1173 01:17:48,830 --> 01:17:51,232 - Where are they, man? - In that green pile of junk. 1174 01:17:56,238 --> 01:17:59,206 Excuse me. Could you back up? 1175 01:17:59,208 --> 01:18:01,442 I need to get some unleaded. 1176 01:18:05,047 --> 01:18:07,448 - Back up. Back up. - Back up. Back up. 1177 01:18:16,124 --> 01:18:18,192 - (SCREAMS) - (CAR CRASHES) 1178 01:18:20,829 --> 01:18:23,330 - That's my wagon! - Back up. 1179 01:18:23,332 --> 01:18:26,867 - ♪ Cosmic, cosmic - (SCREAMS) 1180 01:18:26,869 --> 01:18:29,403 ♪ I was having this ♪ ♪ out-of-body experience ♪ 1181 01:18:29,405 --> 01:18:31,839 ♪ Of all these cosmic things ♪ 1182 01:18:31,841 --> 01:18:34,041 ♪ Everywhere, ♪ ♪ I went up there ♪ 1183 01:18:34,043 --> 01:18:36,377 ♪ They were shakin' ♪ ♪ their cosmic things ♪ 1184 01:18:36,379 --> 01:18:38,746 ♪ Like someone gave you ♪ ♪ a wild goose ♪ 1185 01:18:38,748 --> 01:18:40,848 ♪ Or a freight train ♪ ♪ with a loose caboose ♪ 1186 01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:43,718 - ♪ You better shake your ♪ - ♪ Honey buns ♪ 1187 01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:45,386 ♪ Shake your honey buns… ♪ 1188 01:18:45,388 --> 01:18:48,355 We are party Martians! We are MTV scum! 1189 01:18:48,357 --> 01:18:50,858 - ♪ Shake it till the better melts ♪ - ♪ Shake it ♪ 1190 01:18:50,860 --> 01:18:53,027 ♪ Shake that cosmic thing ♪ 1191 01:18:53,029 --> 01:18:55,096 ♪ Shake that thing, ♪ ♪ shake it ♪ 1192 01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:57,765 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1193 01:18:57,767 --> 01:19:00,034 ♪ Shake that thing ♪ ♪ all night long ♪ 1194 01:19:00,036 --> 01:19:02,236 ♪ Shake it fast, ♪ ♪ you can't go wrong ♪ 1195 01:19:02,238 --> 01:19:04,872 ♪ Don't let it rest ♪ ♪ on the president's desk ♪ 1196 01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:07,007 ♪ Rock the house ♪ 1197 01:19:07,009 --> 01:19:08,442 ♪ Cosmic ♪ 1198 01:19:08,444 --> 01:19:11,512 - ♪ Woo, cosmic ♪ - (YELLING) 1199 01:19:11,514 --> 01:19:13,948 ♪ Cosmic, woo ♪ 1200 01:19:13,950 --> 01:19:17,918 - Hey! That looks great! - ♪ Cosmic, woo ♪ 1201 01:19:17,920 --> 01:19:19,320 - ♪Shake it ♪ - ♪Cosmic. ♪ 1202 01:19:22,090 --> 01:19:23,791 Hey, guys! 1203 01:19:23,793 --> 01:19:25,526 Brunch is ready. Come and get it. 1204 01:19:25,528 --> 01:19:27,895 (TELEPHONE RINGS) 1205 01:19:27,897 --> 01:19:30,965 Hey, Valerie. It's Woody. What's shaking? 1206 01:19:30,967 --> 01:19:33,234 - Hi, Woody. - Listen, you know your friends… 1207 01:19:33,236 --> 01:19:35,369 those Finland guys? 1208 01:19:35,371 --> 01:19:38,405 - I was taking them to the beach… - What? They're gone? 1209 01:19:38,407 --> 01:19:40,975 - They're with you? - No. They were. 1210 01:19:40,977 --> 01:19:44,078 I guess they kind of robbed the mini mart when I wasn't lookin' 1211 01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:46,113 and then they totaled the gas station 1212 01:19:46,115 --> 01:19:48,449 and then they ripped off my van! It was a trip. 1213 01:19:48,451 --> 01:19:50,251 I don't believe this! Where are you? 1214 01:19:50,253 --> 01:19:52,953 I'm at the mini mart down the street. 1215 01:19:52,955 --> 01:19:56,023 - Toys 'R' Us. - That's it? (BOTH LAUGH) 1216 01:19:56,025 --> 01:19:59,927 - You seen Zeebo and Wiploc? - I got water in this one, man. I can't hear ya. 1217 01:19:59,929 --> 01:20:02,062 I think that might be one of them now. 1218 01:20:02,064 --> 01:20:04,398 - Are you sure? - Not really. 1219 01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:06,967 Good enough for me. 1220 01:20:06,969 --> 01:20:10,137 So look… (GROANS) 1221 01:20:10,139 --> 01:20:12,339 What's going on? Woody! 1222 01:20:12,341 --> 01:20:14,909 What's happening? 1223 01:20:14,911 --> 01:20:18,012 - I gotta go now, Valerie. I'm gettin' my butt kicked. - Woody! 1224 01:20:22,017 --> 01:20:27,188 - ♪ Well, if you plan to motor West ♪ - (SCREAMING) 1225 01:20:29,224 --> 01:20:31,125 ♪ Travel my way ♪ 1226 01:20:31,127 --> 01:20:34,295 ♪ Take a highway, ♪ ♪ that's the best ♪ 1227 01:20:36,198 --> 01:20:38,165 ♪ And get your kicks ♪ 1228 01:20:38,167 --> 01:20:42,169 ♪ On Route 66 ♪ 1229 01:20:42,171 --> 01:20:43,971 (SCREAMING) 1230 01:20:43,973 --> 01:20:48,442 ♪ Well, it winds ♪ ♪ from Chicago to L.A. ♪ 1231 01:20:50,946 --> 01:20:54,181 - ♪ More than 2,000 miles ♪ - (HORN HONKING) 1232 01:20:54,183 --> 01:20:56,150 - ♪ All the way ♪ - (TIRES SCREECHING) 1233 01:20:57,919 --> 01:21:00,020 ♪ Get your kicks ♪ 1234 01:21:00,022 --> 01:21:03,424 ♪ On Route 66 ♪ 1235 01:21:03,426 --> 01:21:05,559 Wiploc! (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1236 01:21:05,561 --> 01:21:07,528 ♪ Well, it goes to St. Louis ♪ 1237 01:21:07,530 --> 01:21:09,897 - ♪ Down to Missouri ♪ - (HORNS HONKING) 1238 01:21:09,899 --> 01:21:13,033 - ♪ Oklahoma City, it's oh, so pretty ♪ - (SCREAMING) 1239 01:21:13,035 --> 01:21:14,335 ♪ You'll see ♪ 1240 01:21:14,337 --> 01:21:16,971 ♪ Amarillo ♪ 1241 01:21:16,973 --> 01:21:20,274 ♪ Gallup, New Mexico ♪ 1242 01:21:20,276 --> 01:21:23,544 ♪ Flagstaff, Arizona, ♪ ♪ don't forget Winona ♪ 1243 01:21:23,546 --> 01:21:27,314 ♪ Kingman, Barstow, ♪ ♪ San Bernadino ♪ 1244 01:21:27,316 --> 01:21:32,186 - ♪ Won't you get hip to this timely tip? ♪ - (BIRD SQUAWKING) 1245 01:21:32,188 --> 01:21:34,121 (SCREAMING) 1246 01:21:34,123 --> 01:21:39,560 ♪ And you'll take ♪ ♪ that California trip ♪ 1247 01:21:41,263 --> 01:21:46,367 ♪ Get your kicks ♪ ♪ on Route 66. ♪ 1248 01:21:46,369 --> 01:21:49,270 (SIRENS BLARING) 1249 01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:58,979 You have the right to remain silent. 1250 01:21:58,981 --> 01:22:01,415 Anything you say can and will be used… 1251 01:22:01,417 --> 01:22:03,450 Hey. 1252 01:22:03,452 --> 01:22:05,619 Jail isn't so bad. 1253 01:22:05,621 --> 01:22:07,588 It's where I learned how to surf. 1254 01:22:09,057 --> 01:22:11,592 He's dead meat. You hang 10 now. 1255 01:22:11,594 --> 01:22:13,560 Come on, you guys. You've gotta believe me. 1256 01:22:13,562 --> 01:22:16,263 - This is all a misunderstanding. - Sorry, lady. 1257 01:22:16,265 --> 01:22:18,632 - Well, arrest me, too, then. - Yeah, arrest her. 1258 01:22:18,634 --> 01:22:21,101 - She's a nice lady. - Stay out of this, flipper. 1259 01:22:21,103 --> 01:22:23,070 OFFICER: We can't. You didn't do anything. 1260 01:22:26,541 --> 01:22:31,245 - Hey, lady! Don't do that! - Yeah, go for it! 1261 01:22:31,247 --> 01:22:35,215 MAN: This Paramedic unit 104. We picked up two victims at Donut Land. 1262 01:22:35,217 --> 01:22:38,052 They fit the description of the suspects in the mini mart robbery. 1263 01:22:38,054 --> 01:22:40,287 We're taking them to Our Lady of the Valley Hospital. 1264 01:22:40,289 --> 01:22:42,289 10-13. Copy. 1265 01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:44,158 That's Ted's hospital. 1266 01:22:44,160 --> 01:22:46,460 We have to get there before anybody finds out who they are. 1267 01:22:46,462 --> 01:22:50,464 Joe, take us to hospital, please. 1268 01:22:50,466 --> 01:22:54,435 Hey, clown, you're going to the slammer. 1269 01:22:54,437 --> 01:22:57,504 We go to slammer first. 1270 01:22:57,506 --> 01:23:01,675 Listen, give them that love touch and then they'll come on to me. 1271 01:23:01,677 --> 01:23:04,478 They'll be putty in my hands. 1272 01:23:04,480 --> 01:23:06,413 You want sex with Joe and Mike? 1273 01:23:06,415 --> 01:23:10,517 No, no. Just so we can get away. Do it, do it. 1274 01:23:10,519 --> 01:23:13,087 You'll see. 1275 01:23:19,194 --> 01:23:21,228 Hey! 1276 01:23:21,230 --> 01:23:23,197 How about those Lakers, huh? 1277 01:23:25,700 --> 01:23:28,769 What about those incredible eyes of yours? 1278 01:23:30,205 --> 01:23:31,739 What? 1279 01:23:31,741 --> 01:23:36,076 They're just this far from Liz Taylor violet. 1280 01:23:45,253 --> 01:23:47,654 Oh, Michael! 1281 01:23:50,125 --> 01:23:52,092 Joseph. 1282 01:23:53,328 --> 01:23:55,362 Two new patients in emergency… 1283 01:23:55,364 --> 01:23:57,498 Dr. Love. (LAUGHS) 1284 01:23:59,801 --> 01:24:03,270 ♪ It's the summer ♪ ♪ of love, love, love ♪ 1285 01:24:03,272 --> 01:24:06,607 ♪ I'm in love ♪ ♪ with the love, love, love ♪ 1286 01:24:06,609 --> 01:24:10,644 ♪ Everyone transcends here ♪ 1287 01:24:10,646 --> 01:24:13,781 ♪ I'm thinking of you ♪ 1288 01:24:13,783 --> 01:24:15,516 ♪ Boy… ♪ 1289 01:24:15,518 --> 01:24:18,786 Well, bye, you guys. Thanks for the lift. 1290 01:24:18,788 --> 01:24:21,355 - I hope things work out. - BOTH: Bye. 1291 01:24:21,357 --> 01:24:23,590 - Happy house hunting. - Ciao. 1292 01:24:23,592 --> 01:24:25,626 Thank you very much. 1293 01:24:25,628 --> 01:24:27,594 - Oh, they're such a nice couple. - I know. 1294 01:24:27,596 --> 01:24:29,229 - Oh, they really are. - Let's go shake somebody down. 1295 01:24:29,231 --> 01:24:30,397 BOTH: Bye. 1296 01:24:30,399 --> 01:24:34,468 Totally cool time. 1297 01:24:34,470 --> 01:24:37,538 Ridin' cool rips all the way in. 1298 01:24:39,274 --> 01:24:41,809 Great, you two. 1299 01:24:41,811 --> 01:24:44,278 - Hi, Dr. Dude. - All right, boys. 1300 01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:46,647 - The party's over. Settle down. - Take us to Valerie's house, please. 1301 01:24:46,649 --> 01:24:48,649 We'd like to go to Valerie's house. 1302 01:24:48,651 --> 01:24:51,151 You're not setting foot in my house again. Just lie down. 1303 01:24:53,455 --> 01:24:56,557 Excuse me. We're looking for two patients who were just admitted. 1304 01:24:56,559 --> 01:24:59,259 That's kind of a nasty bump. 1305 01:24:59,261 --> 01:25:01,795 - Does this hurt when I do this? - (SCREAMS) 1306 01:25:01,797 --> 01:25:03,597 Good. 1307 01:25:03,599 --> 01:25:06,166 Let's just have a listen here, shall we? 1308 01:25:06,168 --> 01:25:08,135 Surf's up. Surf's up. 1309 01:25:08,137 --> 01:25:10,104 Leave it alone. 1310 01:25:11,372 --> 01:25:14,141 - Breathe. - (TWO HEARTBEATS) 1311 01:25:14,143 --> 01:25:17,444 Again. 1312 01:25:17,446 --> 01:25:19,813 Wait a second. Breathe. 1313 01:25:19,815 --> 01:25:22,783 - Breathe, breathe. - Shh. 1314 01:25:24,853 --> 01:25:27,354 It's incredible. 1315 01:25:27,356 --> 01:25:30,124 It's amazing. 1316 01:25:30,126 --> 01:25:32,793 You each have two heartbeats. 1317 01:25:32,795 --> 01:25:35,462 Wiploc and Zeebo? 1318 01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:37,264 What are their last names? 1319 01:25:37,266 --> 01:25:39,233 They don't have last names. 1320 01:25:39,235 --> 01:25:41,668 They're performers, you know, like Cher. 1321 01:25:41,670 --> 01:25:43,904 Oh! 1322 01:25:43,906 --> 01:25:46,306 Yes. They're in the emergency room 1323 01:25:46,308 --> 01:25:48,609 being examined by Dr. Gallagher. 1324 01:25:48,611 --> 01:25:50,577 Oh! He'll dissect them. 1325 01:25:52,714 --> 01:25:56,316 You can't go in there. Medical personnel only. 1326 01:25:56,318 --> 01:25:58,152 We've got to get in there. 1327 01:26:00,355 --> 01:26:02,256 I have an idea, 1328 01:26:02,258 --> 01:26:05,893 but it means doing something terrible to an innocent person. 1329 01:26:05,895 --> 01:26:07,227 Let's do it. 1330 01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:14,568 - Which floor? - Two, please. 1331 01:26:14,570 --> 01:26:17,638 I think I'm gonna enjoy this. 1332 01:26:21,576 --> 01:26:23,610 Feel this? It's a gun. 1333 01:26:23,612 --> 01:26:25,479 - What are you doing? - Shut up and start walking. 1334 01:26:25,481 --> 01:26:28,849 Come on. Come in here. 1335 01:26:30,852 --> 01:26:34,588 - Help. She's got a gun. - Take off your uniform. 1336 01:26:34,590 --> 01:26:37,958 - What? - Take it off! Quick! 1337 01:26:37,960 --> 01:26:41,495 - I know you. You're Ted's girlfriend. - Strip. 1338 01:26:41,497 --> 01:26:44,198 Oh, look. I don't want any part of you or Ted 1339 01:26:44,200 --> 01:26:47,301 - or your kinky sex trips. - I said strip! 1340 01:26:47,303 --> 01:26:49,269 She said strip. 1341 01:26:52,674 --> 01:26:55,842 - The call button. Push the call button. - Nuh-uh. 1342 01:26:55,844 --> 01:26:57,911 You'll go to prison for this. 1343 01:26:57,913 --> 01:27:01,982 - Excuse me. - For molesting me, for having a gun… 1344 01:27:01,984 --> 01:27:03,884 Well, I don't have a real gun. 1345 01:27:12,527 --> 01:27:15,562 - Your heart… - Excuse me, Doctor. 1346 01:27:15,564 --> 01:27:17,731 This doctor's here to pick up these patients. 1347 01:27:17,733 --> 01:27:19,666 Oh, no, no, no, no. These guys aren't going anywhere. 1348 01:27:19,668 --> 01:27:22,769 I'm admitting them both for observation under my care. 1349 01:27:22,771 --> 01:27:25,539 - They seem okay to me, Doctor. - Nurse, why don't you listen 1350 01:27:25,541 --> 01:27:27,507 to their hearts, and tell me what you hear. 1351 01:27:28,843 --> 01:27:31,678 ♪ Cover of ♪ ♪ "Time" Magazine ♪ 1352 01:27:31,680 --> 01:27:34,314 ♪ Man of the year ♪ 1353 01:27:34,316 --> 01:27:36,883 ♪ Yes, I'll be rich and famous, ♪ ♪ money, money, money, money. ♪ 1354 01:27:36,885 --> 01:27:39,353 - I'll be on "The Today Show." - Shh, Zeebo, it's me. 1355 01:27:39,355 --> 01:27:41,989 - Invitation to the White House. - He sounds perfectly normal to me, Doctor. 1356 01:27:41,991 --> 01:27:43,790 Oh, no, no. That's impossible. 1357 01:27:43,792 --> 01:27:46,727 They each have two distinct heartbeats. 1358 01:27:46,729 --> 01:27:48,662 Try me, Doctor. 1359 01:27:48,664 --> 01:27:50,631 Yes. Yes, I could try you. 1360 01:27:52,000 --> 01:27:53,867 (MIMICS TWO HEARTBEATS) 1361 01:27:57,872 --> 01:28:00,774 Oh, my God! You, too. 1362 01:28:02,010 --> 01:28:04,044 (MACHINES BEEPING) 1363 01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:10,017 It's my beeper! 1364 01:28:10,019 --> 01:28:12,686 No, no, no. My beeper's never done this before. 1365 01:28:12,688 --> 01:28:15,422 - (TELEPHONE RINGING) - Could you get the phone, Doctor? 1366 01:28:15,424 --> 01:28:16,890 (MIMICS TED'S VOICE) What phone, doctor? 1367 01:28:19,060 --> 01:28:20,827 Hello? 1368 01:28:20,829 --> 01:28:23,297 Doctor, I'm afraid you must be hearing things. 1369 01:28:23,299 --> 01:28:25,299 (DOGS BARKING) 1370 01:28:25,301 --> 01:28:28,468 - (YODELING) - (HORSE NEIGHING) 1371 01:28:30,438 --> 01:28:32,406 Is there something wrong, Doctor? 1372 01:28:32,408 --> 01:28:34,574 Oh, hello, Doctor. Should I call you a doctor, Doctor? 1373 01:28:34,576 --> 01:28:37,544 No! Please, just make it stop! 1374 01:28:37,546 --> 01:28:40,013 - I can't stand it. - (RINGING CONTINUES) 1375 01:28:42,684 --> 01:28:44,651 (FEET THUD) 1376 01:28:51,826 --> 01:28:55,529 You guys, you came this close to being a science project. 1377 01:28:55,531 --> 01:28:57,497 Come on. 1378 01:28:57,499 --> 01:28:59,499 Ted's car! Follow me. 1379 01:29:03,471 --> 01:29:04,971 Quick! Get in quick! 1380 01:29:04,973 --> 01:29:07,607 Oh! Oh, God! Here comes Ted! 1381 01:29:07,609 --> 01:29:09,576 Hide! Get down and hide. 1382 01:29:13,448 --> 01:29:16,950 Valerie? Sweetheart, I'm so glad to see you. 1383 01:29:16,952 --> 01:29:20,354 Can we go home? These last two days have been hell. 1384 01:29:20,356 --> 01:29:24,758 It's effecting my work. Sweetheart, I actually think I've been hearing things. 1385 01:29:24,760 --> 01:29:26,960 - No. - Oh, Val, could you drive? 1386 01:29:26,962 --> 01:29:30,430 - Please, Valerie. - Okay, Ted. Here. 1387 01:29:30,432 --> 01:29:32,866 - Get in, honey. - I'm so exhausted. 1388 01:29:35,069 --> 01:29:36,937 TED: You know, I thought a lot about what you said 1389 01:29:36,939 --> 01:29:39,039 and I've decided to do something impulsive. 1390 01:29:39,041 --> 01:29:41,141 Let's go to Vegas tonight and get married. 1391 01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:43,143 Tonight? 1392 01:29:43,145 --> 01:29:46,046 Well, wait a minute. What about the church and my dress and everything? 1393 01:29:46,048 --> 01:29:49,449 We can do the big church wedding later. Just like you planned. 1394 01:29:50,518 --> 01:29:53,153 Well… what do you say? 1395 01:29:53,155 --> 01:29:56,156 Well, I don't know. I'm just so surprised. 1396 01:29:56,158 --> 01:29:59,993 Come on. You wanted surprises. 1397 01:29:59,995 --> 01:30:02,462 Ted. 1398 01:30:02,464 --> 01:30:04,431 (THEME FROM "LOVE STORY" PLAYING) 1399 01:30:24,018 --> 01:30:26,987 You gotta bring that one-piece night thing, 1400 01:30:26,989 --> 01:30:29,923 that, uh, corset that looks like underwear. 1401 01:30:39,734 --> 01:30:43,069 What is it now? Something old… 1402 01:30:43,071 --> 01:30:45,972 oh! These pantyhose are old. 1403 01:30:45,974 --> 01:30:48,074 Something new. 1404 01:30:48,076 --> 01:30:49,943 This veil is new. 1405 01:30:51,946 --> 01:30:53,914 Dr. Tushman, please. 1406 01:30:55,616 --> 01:30:57,451 Barbara, Ted here. 1407 01:30:57,453 --> 01:31:00,120 Listen, uh, I need a really big favor. 1408 01:31:00,122 --> 01:31:03,223 I want you to cover my shift at the hospital tomorrow. 1409 01:31:03,225 --> 01:31:07,027 I'm going to Vegas. 1410 01:31:07,029 --> 01:31:09,529 Well, I'm gonna… lose a little money, 1411 01:31:09,531 --> 01:31:13,567 take in a show, and… get married. 1412 01:31:13,569 --> 01:31:17,571 Barbara. Barbara… 1413 01:31:17,573 --> 01:31:19,673 Look, just because I'm getting married 1414 01:31:19,675 --> 01:31:21,842 doesn't mean we can't date, all right? 1415 01:31:21,844 --> 01:31:23,810 What? 1416 01:31:30,551 --> 01:31:32,519 (SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE) 1417 01:31:35,857 --> 01:31:38,558 ZEEBO: Valerie. 1418 01:31:38,560 --> 01:31:40,527 - Good-bye. - Bye. 1419 01:31:40,529 --> 01:31:43,930 Nice planet you have here. Give Tonya my number. 1420 01:31:45,600 --> 01:31:48,134 Take care, Zeebo. 1421 01:31:48,136 --> 01:31:49,803 Aw, Wiploc. 1422 01:31:49,805 --> 01:31:52,005 I think I'll miss you least of all. 1423 01:31:52,007 --> 01:31:53,974 You got lip lock for Wiploc? 1424 01:31:56,711 --> 01:31:58,678 MAC: Valerie… 1425 01:31:58,680 --> 01:32:01,715 I don't know the words. 1426 01:32:01,717 --> 01:32:03,717 Oh, Mac. 1427 01:32:03,719 --> 01:32:05,619 I'm gonna miss you so much. 1428 01:32:05,621 --> 01:32:07,921 I'll miss you, too. 1429 01:32:07,923 --> 01:32:10,991 Sweetheart, I booked the Cave Man Suite at Cupid's Lodge. 1430 01:32:10,993 --> 01:32:12,959 (CHIMING) 1431 01:32:16,097 --> 01:32:19,599 What the hell is this? 1432 01:32:19,601 --> 01:32:21,801 Okay, Ted, they're not a band. 1433 01:32:21,803 --> 01:32:24,271 - They're from another planet. - What? 1434 01:32:24,273 --> 01:32:26,806 Go back in the house. I'll be in in a second. 1435 01:32:26,808 --> 01:32:29,276 Oh, my God! They're aliens. 1436 01:32:29,278 --> 01:32:31,611 Aliens! All right, Val. I Got you covered. 1437 01:32:31,613 --> 01:32:34,548 It's okay. Ted. Ted. 1438 01:32:34,550 --> 01:32:36,550 It's okay. 1439 01:32:36,552 --> 01:32:38,318 You're contaminated. 1440 01:32:40,154 --> 01:32:42,155 - I… I have to go now. - Ted! 1441 01:32:42,157 --> 01:32:43,890 - I'll call the police. - Ted, come on. 1442 01:32:43,892 --> 01:32:45,859 - I gotta go. - Stop it. 1443 01:32:53,601 --> 01:32:55,669 Good-bye, Valerie. 1444 01:33:13,921 --> 01:33:17,857 Mac! It didn't work! 1445 01:33:17,859 --> 01:33:22,596 Mac! I have to tell you something. 1446 01:33:22,598 --> 01:33:25,665 I love you! Take me with you! 1447 01:33:25,667 --> 01:33:28,768 - To Jhazalla? - Anyplace! 1448 01:33:28,770 --> 01:33:30,837 I am Mr. Right? 1449 01:33:30,839 --> 01:33:33,106 Yes! Yes! 1450 01:33:38,980 --> 01:33:41,381 Well, uh… good-bye, Ted. 1451 01:33:41,383 --> 01:33:43,950 Um, I guess it wasn't meant to be, 1452 01:33:43,952 --> 01:33:46,653 but, uh, I really want to thank you 1453 01:33:46,655 --> 01:33:51,291 for, um… thanks for the, uh… 1454 01:33:51,293 --> 01:33:53,259 good-bye, Ted. 1455 01:33:59,233 --> 01:34:01,201 Mac! 1456 01:34:16,150 --> 01:34:18,718 Mac! 1457 01:34:18,720 --> 01:34:21,955 Wait, you guys! You can't leave without Margaritas! 1458 01:34:29,897 --> 01:34:32,098 Valerie, what are you doing? 1459 01:34:34,001 --> 01:34:36,002 Good-bye, Candy. I'll miss you. 1460 01:34:36,004 --> 01:34:40,774 Well, good luck, Val. Call me. 1461 01:34:43,944 --> 01:34:45,779 (MEOWS) 1462 01:34:46,681 --> 01:34:48,248 Happy trails. 1463 01:34:50,317 --> 01:34:53,453 - (MEOWS) - Bambi, I never knew. 1464 01:34:53,455 --> 01:34:55,422 Wait! 1465 01:35:01,395 --> 01:35:04,097 Hey! 1466 01:35:04,099 --> 01:35:06,800 Give my love to Finland! 1467 01:35:17,278 --> 01:35:20,080 (MOANS, LAUGHS) 1468 01:35:47,775 --> 01:35:51,945 - ♪ People all over the world ♪ - ♪ Join hands ♪ 1469 01:35:51,947 --> 01:35:55,482 ♪ Start a love train, ♪ ♪ love train ♪ 1470 01:35:55,484 --> 01:35:57,350 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1471 01:35:57,352 --> 01:35:59,753 ♪ All over the world, ♪ ♪ join hands ♪ 1472 01:35:59,755 --> 01:36:01,821 ♪ Start a love train ♪ 1473 01:36:01,823 --> 01:36:04,190 ♪ Love train, love train ♪ 1474 01:36:04,192 --> 01:36:07,193 ♪ First stop that we'll make ♪ 1475 01:36:07,195 --> 01:36:09,963 ♪ Will be England ♪ 1476 01:36:11,932 --> 01:36:14,134 ♪ Tell all the folks ♪ ♪ in Russia ♪ 1477 01:36:14,136 --> 01:36:16,302 ♪ And China, too ♪ 1478 01:36:16,304 --> 01:36:18,905 ♪ Get on board ♪ 1479 01:36:18,907 --> 01:36:21,975 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 1480 01:36:21,977 --> 01:36:24,010 ♪ It's time to get on board ♪ 1481 01:36:24,012 --> 01:36:26,146 ♪ Time to get on board ♪ 1482 01:36:26,148 --> 01:36:29,983 ♪ Let the train ♪ ♪ keep on ridin' ♪ 1483 01:36:29,985 --> 01:36:32,152 ♪ Ridin' on through ♪ 1484 01:36:32,154 --> 01:36:35,155 ♪ Ridin' on through ♪ 1485 01:36:35,157 --> 01:36:37,223 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1486 01:36:37,225 --> 01:36:39,459 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Join your hands ♪ 1487 01:36:39,461 --> 01:36:41,461 - ♪ And start a love train ♪ - ♪ And start a love train ♪ 1488 01:36:41,463 --> 01:36:45,198 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1489 01:36:45,200 --> 01:36:47,467 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Everybody ♪ 1490 01:36:47,469 --> 01:36:49,836 - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ 1491 01:36:49,838 --> 01:36:53,973 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ All of you brothers ♪ 1492 01:36:53,975 --> 01:36:57,977 - ♪ Over in Africa ♪ - ♪ Come on now, people ♪ 1493 01:36:57,979 --> 01:37:01,014 ♪ Tell all the folks ♪ ♪ in Egypt ♪ 1494 01:37:01,016 --> 01:37:05,518 ♪ And Israel, too ♪ 1495 01:37:05,520 --> 01:37:09,923 ♪ Please don't miss ♪ ♪ this train ♪ 1496 01:37:09,925 --> 01:37:13,026 ♪ At the station ♪ 1497 01:37:13,028 --> 01:37:15,261 - ♪ 'Cause if you miss it ♪ - ♪ Miss it ♪ 1498 01:37:15,263 --> 01:37:21,968 ♪ I feel sorry, ♪ ♪ sorry for you ♪ 1499 01:37:21,970 --> 01:37:24,504 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1500 01:37:24,506 --> 01:37:26,506 ♪ Join hands ♪ 1501 01:37:26,508 --> 01:37:29,542 ♪ Start a love train, ♪ ♪ love train ♪ 1502 01:37:29,544 --> 01:37:31,945 - ♪ Start a love train ♪ - ♪ People of the world ♪ 1503 01:37:31,947 --> 01:37:34,480 - ♪ This doesn't matter ♪ - ♪ Join hands ♪ 1504 01:37:34,482 --> 01:37:36,616 - ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ 1505 01:37:36,618 --> 01:37:40,854 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ Get on board ♪ 1506 01:37:51,265 --> 01:37:54,067 ♪ Well, yeah ♪ 1507 01:37:54,069 --> 01:37:56,035 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1508 01:37:56,037 --> 01:37:58,238 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Join your hands ♪ 1509 01:37:58,240 --> 01:38:00,373 - ♪ And start a love train ♪ - ♪ And start a love train ♪ 1510 01:38:00,375 --> 01:38:03,943 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1511 01:38:03,945 --> 01:38:06,145 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Everybody ♪ 1512 01:38:06,147 --> 01:38:08,081 - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ 1513 01:38:08,083 --> 01:38:10,316 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ Hey ♪ 1514 01:38:10,318 --> 01:38:13,219 ♪ First stop that we'll make ♪ 1515 01:38:13,221 --> 01:38:15,588 ♪ Will be England ♪ 1516 01:38:17,658 --> 01:38:19,659 ♪ Tell all the folks ♪ ♪ in Russia ♪ 1517 01:38:19,661 --> 01:38:22,428 ♪ And China, too ♪ 1518 01:38:22,430 --> 01:38:24,564 ♪ Get on board ♪ 1519 01:38:24,566 --> 01:38:27,600 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 1520 01:38:27,602 --> 01:38:29,669 ♪ It's time to get on board ♪ 1521 01:38:29,671 --> 01:38:32,038 ♪ It's time to get on board ♪ 1522 01:38:32,040 --> 01:38:35,475 ♪ And let this train ♪ ♪ keep on ridin' ♪ 1523 01:38:35,477 --> 01:38:40,580 - ♪ Ridin' on through ♪ - ♪ Ridin' on through ♪ 1524 01:38:40,582 --> 01:38:42,916 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1525 01:38:42,918 --> 01:38:45,118 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Everybody ♪ 1526 01:38:45,120 --> 01:38:47,587 - ♪ And start a love train ♪ - ♪ Join the love train ♪ 1527 01:38:47,589 --> 01:38:50,456 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪ 1528 01:38:50,458 --> 01:38:53,326 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Everybody ♪ 1529 01:38:53,328 --> 01:38:56,396 - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 1530 01:38:56,398 --> 01:38:59,432 ♪ Get on board ♪ 1531 01:38:59,434 --> 01:39:03,136 ♪ Get on board ♪ 1532 01:39:03,138 --> 01:39:06,506 - ♪ Get on board ♪ - ♪ Get on board ♪ 1533 01:39:06,508 --> 01:39:10,643 - ♪ Hey ♪ - ♪ Get on board ♪ 1534 01:39:10,645 --> 01:39:13,179 ♪ Well, yeah ♪ 1535 01:39:13,181 --> 01:39:16,349 ♪ New York, ♪ ♪ are you in the house? ♪ 1536 01:39:16,351 --> 01:39:20,353 ♪ L.A., are you ♪ ♪ in the house? ♪ 1537 01:39:20,355 --> 01:39:23,456 ♪ Motor city, ♪ ♪ are you in the house? ♪ 1538 01:39:23,458 --> 01:39:27,660 - ♪ Everybody ♪ - ♪ Miami, are you in the house? ♪ 1539 01:39:27,662 --> 01:39:31,464 - ♪ Start a love train ♪ - ♪ All over the world join hands ♪ 1540 01:39:31,466 --> 01:39:33,533 - ♪ Get on ♪ - ♪ Atlanta ♪ 1541 01:39:33,535 --> 01:39:37,303 - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ - ♪ D.C. ♪ 1542 01:39:37,305 --> 01:39:39,405 - ♪ All over the world ♪ - ♪ Join hands ♪ 1543 01:39:39,407 --> 01:39:41,074 - ♪ Everybody ♪ - ♪ London ♪ 1544 01:39:41,076 --> 01:39:43,009 ♪ Everybody ♪ ♪ get on the love train ♪ 1545 01:39:43,011 --> 01:39:44,744 - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ - ♪ Philly ♪ 1546 01:39:44,746 --> 01:39:48,014 - ♪ People all over the world ♪ - ♪ Join hands ♪ 1547 01:39:48,016 --> 01:39:51,351 - ♪ And start a love train ♪ - ♪ Mars, are you in the house? ♪ 1548 01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:54,220 - ♪ Everybody ♪ - ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1549 01:39:54,222 --> 01:39:58,057 - ♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪ - ♪ Get on the love train ♪ 1550 01:39:58,059 --> 01:39:59,625 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ Come on, people, now ♪ 1551 01:39:59,627 --> 01:40:02,495 ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1552 01:40:02,497 --> 01:40:04,330 ♪ Join hands ♪ 1553 01:40:04,332 --> 01:40:07,100 ♪ And start a love train, ♪ ♪ love train ♪ 1554 01:40:07,102 --> 01:40:10,103 - ♪ All over the world ♪ - ♪ People all over the world ♪ 1555 01:40:10,105 --> 01:40:13,673 - ♪ Join hands ♪ - ♪ Come on, boys and girls, join the love train ♪ 1556 01:40:13,675 --> 01:40:16,476 - ♪ Love train ♪ - ♪ Don't need no ticket. ♪ 112956

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