Original subtitles

Welcome back to Class Clowns Academy.

It's a brand new day and I am in the mood to educate.

But are my six comedians ready to learn?

Don't ask me anything about topography.

Yes. I don't know what that is.

Only those smart enough to succeed in my brutal assignments

will earn the house points necessary

to win the precious Class Clowns Cup.

(ALL SCREAM)

The Cane Toads have hopped their way to a very big lead.

The Bin Chickens and the Redbacks need to claw their way back.

Catch it. Oh.

It's going to be tough, stressful, and socially awkward.

Luke looks like he's gonna shit his pants.

So for our comedians, just like real school.

Good morning, students.

We are starting off with geography,

so please find your way to the classroom.

I'm terrible at geography. I'm pretty good at geography.

I'm good at like, knowing capital cities.

Oh, yeah. Quick!

Give me... Give us a country. Um, Africa.

No, wait, that's a continent. We're in trouble.

We're in trouble.

Morning. Miss.

Good morning.

I know a lot about maps, but, yeah,

I don't know about population and changing demographics

and how temperature affects semen and...

Looking good as always, Miss. I literally have no choice.

I also think you look good. Saved it.

Luke might be good at geography.

Luke seems like someone that studies maps for fun.

Yeah.

Is geography just everything or do, you can also do Jupiter?

You can do the geography of Jupiter. Could you do that?

Is it space? Because we know heaps about...

We know heaps about Jupiter, but just not very much about Earth.

Students, are you all ready to learn?

ALL: Yes.

First we're going to do some show and tell.

Oh.

I would like to look at your sporting achievements.

Ooh.

Let's have a little look at Matt Okine.

Were you a peak athlete in school? I was pretty athletic.

I love that you're next to a door.

And the door handle tells me that you're not very old.

No, I am six. Wow.

And that's a doorway to your worst nightmare, Hughesy.

Oh, is it? So I'd be careful what I say.

The door to hell? Yeah.

That's one of the few times the uniform's not covered in blood,

isn't it?

I wonder, are you the only martial artist in our class?

Did you just look at me because I'm Asian?

I feel like you just look straight at me.

I looked straight at you. I thought it's the Japanese.

It's in my blood. Yes.

Well, I did. I used to do judo, so you're right, unfortunately.

Sometimes racism's right.

In actual fact,

somebody who sits among us really did excel in martial arts.

Let's have a look.

Oh, there I am. What's the story on the blue belt?

So there's black and then it goes blue.

Wow. What?

Wait, black... Blue is better than black?

He's lying. I don't think that's true.

Well, alright, it's not. That was your first test.

Yeah, well, I ended up getting the brown belt,

which was one off black.

Why did you stop so close to being a...

Once I avenged the death of my parents,

there was no need to continue.

Martial arts, a terrific skill, but nothing like being able to kick

the living daylights out of something.

Oh. Beautiful hairdo.

How'd you get on the soccer team?

There were no auditions.

You just turned up, and I was the only girl on the team.

And not one of those turds ever kicked to me.

And the coach said, "Just stand around there," and I didn't move.

Amazing. My mum did come and watch and she...

I could hear her laughing for the whole game.

She had tears rolling down.

She's so helpful when she goes,

"She's not moving. She doesn't move for the whole game."

Ah!

So yeah. Well done.

I think it's time that we get underway now.

Your very first assignment today is

all about understanding the world around us.

Its geography.

Our strategy will probably be to copy off other people.

Yeah, and just psych 'em out,

you're like, "Is that what you're writing?"

Are you sure that's on Earth?

My geography all comes through sport and the watching of world sport.

So the Olympics, for example, has helped me with geography.

You could name an Olympic year,

and I'll tell you the city and the country.

1996. '96.

Atlanta.

Well, I thought this was my quiz, but...

We weren't asking you.

I've got '56. '56...

Melbourne. ..Melbourne. Guys.

Keep going. There'll be a year that someone won't know.

Keep going. 1984.

Um... Los Angeles.

Yep.

I'm so angry at Matt. That was my time to shine.

He just would not give me a chance to have my skill.

I just can't believe Matt has every skill.

Why does he... Let me have a moment.

Let this old guy do his memory tricks.

As always, we are going to start with a written exam.

Let's prepare our chalkboards.

Just write sorry. We'll just...

We are going to begin with a grade five question.

Yay!

Is it only lava when it comes to the surface, or is it lava?

That's what I think. Otherwise I think it's...

I don't know. Go for it.

Let's go for it. Yeah.

Alright, students, let's have a look as we present our chalkboards.

Damn it. Well, you don't know.

We don't know. We don't know either.

Alright, students, the correct answer is magma.

(ALL CHEER)

NINA: Oh, yes. Luke knew that.

Hey, man. That was all you.

Hey, man, that was just... I was just...

Bin Chickens and Cane Toads,

congratulations on the correct answer.

Redbacks, keep on keeping on because you're getting there.

We're getting somewhere.

Where you're getting is the bottom of the class.

I don't know, that's a bit aggressive for me. Too early.

Nina just blew her... this way.

Eat our chalk dust, mate.

Alright, this is a year six question.

I know two of them. I don't know the other one.

Tasmania? Not Tasmania.

Yeah, so in these and you're going down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just trying to think of the name of another city.

Guys, if you don't know you don't know.

Yeah, you're not gonna figure it out.

Alright, students, it is time to reveal your answers.

Good luck, everyone. Thank you. Alright.

We have our answers from our Bin Chickens and our Cane Toads.

Again are online. Oh, no.

Our Redbacks, Brisbane.

Alexandra via Melbourne.

Oh, via Melbourne? Is that correct?

It is now. It is now. Yes, because we've put it up.

Where's Alexandra?

Oh, that's just the only city I could think of

that was between Brisbane and Melbourne.

Sorry, wait, was the question,

who did Luke have a crush on at school?

Alexandra?

Students, the answer to the question is Brisbane, Melbourne, Adelaide.

Oh, well done. Well done.

Yes. Two. Mainly you again.

How are they so good at this?

Time for our next question.

And it is from the year nine syllabus.

You go. OK.

Alexandra.

There's a good chance it could be in Australia.

So that's, what, the Simpson Desert?

Is it the Simpson Desert. What's the desert in Australia?

I think we're gonna get this wrong.

I think we go for the Australian. If we're wrong...

We're so confident.

It's just... We can't take school this seriously.

OK, let's just... Let's just relax.

Thank you, students, let's present our answers.

Oh, many desserts to choose from.

Alright, students, they are all incorrect.

ALL: Oh.

Is the answer the Gobi desert? It's Antarctica.

Antarctica? But is Antarctica an actual desert?

A desert is defined by extremely low precipitation.

What about someone who picked an Australian desert

because they're patriotic and they believe there's

an underrated one or two or maybe three deserts in Australia?

No, that's a really good way of thinking, Davey.

Yeah.

You know, patriotism over facts, that doesn't get anyone in trouble.

Um, alright, my lovely students, that is the end of the written exam.

Well done. Congratulations to the Cane Toads and the Bin Chickens.

Redbacks, you did a glorious job,

but not as glorious as your team-mates.

Oh, that's even worse than, like, being told off.

Yeah, just say you're disappointed in us and be done with it.

You were dreadful in that one.

Oh, no, that hurts more.

Well, I hope that you have packed your bags

because it's time for your geography practical?

It is time to play...

Oh.

I hope it's more fun than the quiz, Miss.

For this practical,

One member of each team will be transported to

an iconic Australian landmark displayed behind them on the screen,

they'll ask their team-mates

a series of yes or no questions to work out where they are.

The team that correctly guesses the most places

within 60 seconds wins.

Alright, mighty Cane Toads, you guys are up first.

I'm not that interested in geography, but I do like to travel.

Well, I like to cry in different places.

Are you ready to play? Yes.

Alright, Cane Toads, let's go.

Am I on the east coast? East coast? Yes, yes.

Am I a big thing? Yes.

Am I, like a yellow thing? Yeah.

Big banana? Yeah.

Am I on the West Coast? No.

Am I on the mainland? Yeah.

Am I a family attraction? Yes.

Am I a natural attraction or am I man-made?

You're natural.

Am I closer to the centre of Australia?

No.

Am I a mountain? Somewhat.

Pass. OK.

Oh, was I the 12 Apostles?

And that's the 60 seconds up. Oh, come on. What was it?

Three sisters. Oh.

I thought he had all day.

Yeah, so close. I said 12 Apostles. That was close.

That was... Yeah, that was nine too many.

Alright, Bin Chickens, it is your turn to go on a journey.

I feel like we might be the most efficient team.

Yeah, we're not gonna muck around.

Good luck, Bin Chickens. Your time starts now.

Am I man-made? No.

Am I a rock? Yes.

Am I a series of little rocks? Yes.

Am I the devil's marbles in Alice? No.

Oh, am I in a mountain range? No.

Ah. Pass, pass, pass. Am I natural? No.

Am I a big building? Am I the Sydney Harbour Bridge?

Yes. Oh, wow. That was amazing.

Am I a big thing? Yes.

Am I a man-made? Yes. No, no, no, no.

Am I a rock? Yes.

Am I Uluru? No.

Mt Kosciusko. Yes.

And that's time's up. Ah!

Congratulations, Bin Chickens. That was good. Well done.

What was the first one? Great Barrier Reef.

Oh, that's not a rock. I thought that was sort of rock.

Shit. There's rocks in your head.

Oh.

Alright, it's time for the Redbacks. You can do it.

Let's see if you guys can redeem yourselves.

Nothing can go wrong.

That's not going to come back to bite us.

Luke looks like he's going to shit his pants.

Alright, Luke, we have 60 seconds on the clock.

Am I man-made? Yes.

Am I big? Yes.

Am I building? Yes.

Sydney Opera House? No.

Am I a different building? Yes.

Am I a structure. Like a building? Yeah.

Oh. Oh, no. Uh, am I stadium? No.

Am I a church? No.

Am I in Melbourne? No.

Sydney? No.

This is good. This is good.

Am I in Adelaide? No.

You can pass. Pass.

That's OK.

OK. Am I man-made? You're not man-made.

I'm not man-made. OK. Um, am I famous?

Yes.

Am I mountain? Yeah. No, no.

No? Oh, no.

Do I have rocks on me? You are a...

(ALL YELL) Shut up!

Leave him alone. No. MATT: Shame, bro!

What was it? That's 60 seconds.

I didn't see the clue. What?

Are you a doughnut shop, bro? They're bullying us.

We are obviously struggling with this subject.

Oh, my God, bro. Struggling.

We lost and I blame the other teams for trying too much.

Yeah, it's actually not cool to try that hard.

We are currently very close between Cane Toads and Bin Chickens.

I'm not giving out a gold star today,

because I don't want any team to have

an advantage in today's second assignment.

Make sure you do your stretches

because after recess, we have gymnastics.

(ALL GROAN)

See, I'm now embarrassed to go to every place on earth.

Yeah. We can't go anywhere.

We'll be going to space after this. Yes.

Gymnastics, though. Come on, come on.

Didn't you used to do gymnastics?

Yes, but I have not done it for, like, 30 years.

But I don't think a skill like that disappears.

Bro, bad luck. That was a massacre.

Yeah, it wasn't pretty, man.

But we've always got karate, right?

Oh, let's break some sticks. ..for gymnastics.

Yeah. Oh!

I think we've got this in the bag, and that's...

You're shocked that I say that. But our secret weapon is this...

This woman trained to be a gymnast.

She basically should be the Olympics in, you know,

wherever they are next.

Wait, you don't know? That's your special skill.

You're right. I do love the Olympics.

No promises. But I used to be able to do a backflip.

If you can do a flip, we win.

But I'm also scared about breaking my face, so...

I think you're gonna be great, Nina.

I do think, Hughesy, you're not gonna be able to do much.

Am I right? Am I wrong?

What I'm going to do is be a great support for you.

I'm like the coach of a tennis player.

Sit in the box and still get a trophy.

Look at this guy. Gymnastics is his middle name.

I'll vault off this table right now.

Oh, my gosh.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Good afternoon, students. Good afternoon.

Good afternoon. Today's lesson is gymnastics.

Does this make you guys nervous?

I'm a bit nervous about how bouncy it is

because last time I did gymnastics as a 10-year-old, I had zero kids.

Oh, God, no. And now I've had heaps of them.

I think I'm gonna wee my pants today.

Are there any 40-year-old gymnasts? Most of them are over 40.

Get out of here. No, I'm serious.

They're like 15 or 12. No, no, that's...

That's plastic surgery and diet.

To assist with today's assignment,

I'd like to introduce you to a member

of the Australian National Rhythmic Gymnastics team.

Wow. Isabella Wang.

Isabella.

(ALL CHEER)

Holy dooley! Oh, my God.

This is what I wish I could have done at my school reunion.

Beautiful. She's so flexible.

This is amazing. Incredible.

Oh, my goodness. Amazing.

I can do all that. Focus on that.

Guys, what did you think of that?

Incredible. That's incredible. Ten.

Beautiful. That was amazing.

Do you think if we had what you're wearing...

Yeah.

..we would be in with a chance of getting any of those moves?

Miracles do happen, so maybe. Thank you for saying that.

You each have a half an hour to choreograph a floor routine

using one of these three apparatus?

And I'll be looking for artistry. I want lots of facial expression.

And I want to see interpret the music in your own way.

Guys, let's allocate your apparatus.

Redbacks, you will have the red ball. Yes!

I think that's good. I think this is great.

Alright, my mighty Bin Chickens, you guys get the ribbon.

Oh. Perfect.

That's what we wanted. Yes.

The delicious Cane Toads, you guys have the clubs?

That's like, so chill with us. But that is actually not all...

Isabella is gonna teach us two new moves.

You actually have to include both of those moves in your routines.

Isabella, would you kindly show us our first move?

So the first move is a penche balance.

Oh! Oh.

My God. Oh. Yeah, that's 58. Still going.

And the second move is a throw cartwheel

with your respective apparatuses.

Throw, oh, OK. Oh!

One balance move. One special skill move.

Good. Great.

I think that's good. Let's get going.

Good luck. Chookers. Duh, duh, duh.

The clock is ticking for each of the teams to master their apparatus.

The Bin Chickens take to theirs quite quickly.

I reckon our first move should be like this.

Like just around. And then we turn in a circle.

Does that make sense? Yeah.

We can pretend it's a bull fight.

The Cane Toads focus on storytelling,

and the Redbacks need to keep their eye on the ball.

I'll probably mostly do Beyonce. Yeah, that's fine.

How the hell are we supposed to throw these and then cartwheel?

Woo!

Isabella and a medical team are on standby for support.

Don't lose it.

Guys, thank you. That is our 30 minutes up.

Oh.

If it doesn't work on the night, just keep going.

Keep going, yeah.

I think it's probably time to see these floor routines.

Redbacks, you're up first. Let's see your routine. Chookers.

(GROANS) (OTHERS CHEER)

Go, guys! Go, Redbacks!

Nothing to lose.

So far, we've not been the threatening team.

I think that they've almost forgotten about us.

Yeah, we're gonna take these two bowls...

Balls? And we're gonna create magic.

(MUSIC BEGINS)

Hey!

Oh, yes, Bron. Oh, that's gotta hurt.

Oh, there we go. That is our balance moment.

Amazing.

Oh, geez. Body awakens.

Seamless. BRON: Like an oak tree.

Uh-oh.

Oh, my gosh.

Wow.

Whoo.

The face at the end. Well done, guys.

Thank you.

That childhood gymnastics came right back to you.

Thanks for noticing, yeah.

Redbacks, terrific performance there.

From a technical perspective how did they go?

Um, there were a couple of drops there.

What?

We didn't catch a single ball, which took us by surprise.

No, I knew that was probably a good possibility.

Took me by surprise.

And some confusion with whose ball is whose.

It was about the, um, the financial crash.

Yes, the stock market.

And us chasing the add regulation to prevent it happening again.

That was... That's what it was about.

Yeah.

But regardless, I could see a determination in your eyes and face.

When you're feeling passion, it's hard to hold on to anything.

Things.

Alright, Cane Toads, let's see your routine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's really good. OK. Human centipede alert.

I am good at all sports.

I'm not good at sports. But I am nimble.

And I do better than people think.

They're gonna walk like they're Egyptians.

Wow. Oh.

(MUSIC BEGINS)

OK.

Oh, the drama. Oh, wow.

Oh! Oh, balance.

Oh, he's gonna attack that beautiful swan.

The dynamic is incredible. Oh, gosh.

Oh, I don't know. Oh, wow. Bull fighting!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

NINA: Whoa! If only there was some fire on the end of those.

That was really good. Oh, the facial expression.

Oh. Quite violent.

The death wheel.

That's amazing. The classic catch.

Wow. Incredible. A round of applause. That's incredible.

Wow. That was incredible.

That was amazing.

That was really... Actually amazing.

I can't believe I caught the club.

We're both supposed to do it, and I didn't.

I didn't even attempt it. Shh!

Ten out of ten for your artistry points

and your last catch, incredible.

But I'm not sure what happened to the other club.

You're, like, kind of just left it there.

I chucked it, yeah. Oh, OK.

That was the bull shedding the oppression of the human fight.

We became half man, half bull. It's about animal cruelty.

But it's also about respecting culture.

It's about, you know, the world being so complicated.

Yes. You've exceeded my expectations.

hank you. Thank you so much.

Alright, mighty Bin Chickens, you guys are up next.

Woo! Go, Bin Chickens. Go, guys.

Gymnastics was not my strong suit. I wasn't very flexible.

So not only can I not touch my toes, I can barely touch my knees.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, that's good. That's actually beautiful.

Very synchronised. Oh, look at his face. Oh.

He's loving it. Loving it. He's passionate.

I've never seen Hughesy this happy. And we never will again.

Oh, what's he doing? Oh, balance.

There we go. There's our balance. Tick.

That's really good. Oh! Oh!

Handstand to forward roll there.

Oh, no. That's alright. That's OK.

And then what happens with the magic wand?

Oh, Hughesy's looking a little bit tangled.

You got this, Hughesy. That's it. He saved it. He saved it.

Oh, is it on purpose? Is it on purpose?

I mean, that's just knotting of its own accord now.

Anyone else? What happened?

Oh, wow.

Oh, no. Here we go.

She's gonna round off over him.

Oh!

Amazing. What?

Amazing. Oh, my gosh!

Incredible. Incredible.

We are absolutely speechless.

Some proper, proper gymnastics. Guys, well done.

Yes!

I mean, they might as well just give up.

Oh, yeah. It's done. That was amazing.

Really great work.

Gymnastically, what were your observations?

Um, in rhythmic gymnastics,

you're actually not allowed to do a flip, but with no hands.

Oh. That is brutal.

But it's OK. I still love it. But disqualified? Doesn't count?

Look, I did a flip.

Oh!

What's... Have the rules on the wall of the gym.

Tell us earlier. "No flips."

Towards the end, the ribbon got a bit tangled,

but unless that was intentional.

That was intentional.

It was intentional. I loved it.

It was a metaphor for tying yourself into knots

over the global financial crisis.

That's... We had the financial crisis!

I'm going to confer with Isabella and finalise my marks,

and I will see you guys in my office for your report cards.

Well done today. Congratulations. ALL: Thank you.

Thank you, Miss Morris and Miss Isabella.

You can't bring that. Oh, I want to take this home.

We dropped the balls, however, Nina did an illegal flip,

and Matt threw away one of the sticks.

So I'm hoping for two disqualifications.

If we don't get top scores today, you know what I'm gonna do?

What? Flip out.

I don't care if it's illegal, because your flip should have

got us across the line.

Unbelievable. This country's going to the dogs.

The Cane Toads are here to prove that we are a massive pest.

Ah!

Welcome back, students.

You have most certainly had a big day.

First, let's take a little look at geography.

Oh.

I am a bit worried that the scores will reflect our performance.

The Bin Chickens came out on top,

but the Cane Toads are nipping at their heels.

The Redbacks have made history with a current total of zero points.

Ooh!

Don't say "ooh." That's the sound a zero makes.

We haven't seen the gymnastics scores yet.

I mean, it's so true. Let's get to the gymnastics scores.

Bin Chickens... Yes. We had synergy, I'd say.

Yes. Where our minds connected.

Yeah. It was like finishing each other's...

Minds? ..sentences.

Yeah. Yeah.

Isabella told me that your performance with the ribbons

was the strongest...

Whoa! Wow.

..until Nina performed an illegal flip.

No! That was the highlight.

Not allowed to do a flip.

Oh, my God. Yes, a crowd pleaser.

But did bring your points down a little bit.

To zero?

You guys scored a seven. That brings your total to 13 points.

Redbacks... We need to get 13 out of ten.

Whilst Isabella really appreciated your determination,

you both dropped your balls.

Did we? Uh, but not illegally.

You even mixed them up at one point.

Oh, God. It's your ball. Oh.

You got seven points, bringing your total to seven.

Thank you.

Alrighty, my little Cane Toads.

We know reality. Did they score a nine? No way.

We deserve a ten.

Isabella was impressed with Matt's unbelievable catch...

Can he? He's got it.

..which ultimately put you guys in the lead.

You scored eight, bringing your total today to 13,

which means Bin Chickens and Cane Toads,

you guys are the joint winners of today's challenge.

Bin Chickens, come and join me, Binnies.

Congratulations, Nina. Thank you.

Brilliant work, and, David, well done.

Cane Toads... It's so good to be up here again.

The fabulous Becky Lucas, the glorious Matt Okine.

Well done, guys. Thank you, Principal Morris.

Thank you. That's the job you want.

Hey, look, there's a world map on there.

Each team turned up today, you tried,

and that's all I can ask for.

Redbacks, would you come and join me,

just come and join me on the stage?

Both of you. Thank you.

It's a certificate of participation. Ours looks better than yours.

Could we have a little round of applause for those Redbacks?

Absolutely.

As soon as I put this uniform on,

I reverted straight back to my high school years.

Is yours bigger? Can I just hold you?

Let's see all your certificates together at once.

OK.

It wasn't pretty.

Let's have a little look at how today

has affected the current house standing.

Cane Toads, you guys are in the lead with 43.

Bin Chickens, you're not far behind. Coming. We're coming up.

And Redbacks... Look, any day now. Tomorrow's our day.

For your homework, I want you to bring in

some of your artistic achievements.

Until then, guys, class dismissed.

Well done. ALL: Thank you.

We need to beat the Cane Toads. I can't be clearer about that.

I think they think about us heaps.

But the sad thing is, we still don't think about them.

We'll play dirty. We don't care.

Yes.

Captions by Red Bee Media

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0