Original subtitles

It's no secret that people who work in the arts get obsessed about their

careers.

The more obsessed they get, the more they turn into egomaniacs.

Of course, there's a reason they get like that.

Fear. Fear of failure.

Any day they could wake up and find out that their popularity has taken a

nosedive and they're out of business.

And when you're down, you can find yourself doing desperate things.

Or you might even get bitter.

And twisted.

One little treesie-weesie.

Two little treesie-weesies.

Three little treesie-weesies.

Four little bloody treesie-weesies.

Twenty-three little treesie-weesies.

Four little bloody treesie-weesies. I love a bloody sunburned bloody treesie

-weesie!

Now for a little bit of grassy wassy.

Grassy wassy.

Grassy wassy. Grass wassy, grassy wassy, grassy.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

It is a great day for Nicholson and Rayburn.

It's also a great day, we hope, for our client, a true visionary.

And on a personal note, a very kind and generous man.

As you know, the last hurdle has been cleared and now ground has been broken

at Cape Mangrove Resort.

So without further ado, I bring you that champion of progress, friend to local

councils everywhere,

The envy of the Greens, our own Australian diva of developers, Sir Barry

Doyle.

Is there something wrong here?

He's dead.

He's suffocated. Yes, I know.

He choked on a piece of chicken. Can you believe that?

Yes, I read about it. It was awful.

Of course it's bloody awful. So what am I supposed to do?

What do you mean?

Roger, I need a subject.

That bastard was my last hope to get a portrait into the Archibald.

You've done the portrait.

What's the problem?

There was an accident.

What kind of accident?

Something fell over. The painting got damaged.

How damaged?

Destroyed. Shit. I need someone else to paint. I've got to get something into

that Archibald show.

That painting could have won it. Well, can't you do it again from your

sketches? What sketches? You know I don't sketch.

He sat for me. Now he's bloody dead. He can't sit anymore.

What do you want me to do?

Listen, I'm on my mobile. My battery's flat. I'll ring you back.

Roger, line me up with someone. A famous Australian. You know the rules. My

advice is give it away.

Giving anything away.

Just find me someone, please.

Don't be a smartass.

You must know someone.

You and Sir Barry were maids, right?

In high school. It was a long time ago.

So, he did you a favour by sitting for you. Come the brutal truth is that I

can't find anybody else. I can't think of anybody else who would be willing to

sit for you. I'll be a good boy.

If I could find someone else, which I can't.

Um...

You wouldn't have time to finish the painting. You've only got three days to

get it in. Just let me take care of that.

Such a good portrait.

I'm not sure that he liked it.

I wasn't trying to make him look pretty.

Come on now, even you admitted it was good.

I've just got to get a painting out of that show.

I know it's bullshit, Rog, but it's my ticket.

I'm dying a slow death out here. Rog, don't you see that I've got to prove

that I'm still alive?

Rog?

A whole new series of bush landscapes.

Take off.

Go bush.

It'll do you the world of good. I hate the bloody bush. I hate landscapes.

They sell.

Let me ask you something.

What?

What do my landscapes say to you, huh?

They say, look at me, buy me, take me home. What they say to me is, give me a

break. If you're that interested in nature, go and take a bloody photograph.

But if it's your own snap and it's never been published, who's to know?

And he did sit for you.

I don't think I've got anything.

I'll call you back, but the battery's going to cut out.

Bloody hell.

I'm sorry.

How you going, mate?

Yeah!

Well, that's better.

Good of you to spare the time from your busy schedule, mate.

Try not to keep you long.

Oh my god.

Now, just hold that pose.

Mate!

I've found a photo!

Barry Doyle.

Nice and big.

Lots of detail.

That's good.

I'm working on the portrait right now.

I'm going to have it finished if it takes me all night.

Good.

And you... You rang me to tell me about it.

This will be good, Rog.

Better than the other one.

I've got a feeling about this.

Can I go back to sleep?

Yeah, sure. No worries.

Sorry.

Rog, listen.

It's not the phone. The batteries are stuffed.

Rog, can you come over?

You're crazy.

Now, you dork.

Tomorrow. If you don't like the painting, I won't enter it. I'll go

bush. I'll do landscapes.

Please.

Sure thing.

Only Rog.

Make it the afternoon, OK? I'm going to sleep in.

OK.

You're a mate, mate.

Come on.

Yeah.

Easy, easy, stay, stay.

I've broken down.

I've run out of petrol.

Where are you? Glen Hill. It's a car park at the top of the hill.

We'll get someone up there straight away. Just show him your membership card

when he gets back.

How long is it going to be? As soon as I can wake him up.

He's just down the hill from you. Shouldn't be long.

Huh.

You okay, mate?

Hi! Am I glad to see you!

What's the problem?

I just ran out of petrol, that's all.

Stupid, isn't it? Happens to the best of us.

Off to work, eh?

No, I was just coming home.

Graveyard shift, eh?

Yeah, something like that.

Thanks, mate.

Don't get breathless, eh?

Yeah, I'll try not to.

Night.

Well, at least they'll never find you down there.

do

Just a dead body.

Just a dead body.

Just a dead body.

Just a dead body.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

It's covered.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

Hurry bloody up.

Hello, what's the nature of your emergency?

I'm bloody buried alive.

Come on, come on.

Your call could not be connected.

I'm bloody buried alive.

Accepting on behalf of Colin Condon will be his agent and longtime friend, Roger

Lorman.

We haven't been able to locate Colin, and I feel somewhat responsible for this

because just a short time ago when Colin didn't think he had a chance of getting

paid into the Archibald show and winning, I told him to go bush and begin

a new series of landscapes, which I think he's done.

All Colin really wanted was for people to remember...

That he was alive.

Which I think you'll agree he's done magnificently with his condom portrait

of his old friend, Sir Barry Doyle.

I'll be enormously pleased when he returns.