Original subtitles

You know,

these toys are getting more and more real every year.

Like the telescope.

It's a toy, but I bet if I hooked it up right, I'd be able to see your anus.

Len!

You know, you're such a little boy.

I mean, come on.

If you're really as horny as you appear to be... Why don't you just ask me to

fuck you?

Of course I'd say no, but at least you would have had the courtesy of asking

me. I mean, come on, Len. Look around you. Hey, what the heck's the matter

with you, for Christ's sake?

Jesus. You know, Bobby, you may be a fox, but you are one stupid bitch.

Len, come on.

They're just dolls. They're not made of gold.

What the hell was that all about?

Oh, it was that new girl working to lend for the holidays.

Swing her arm, hit her twice.

Hey, let me hit her. I'll swing her fucking arm.

Calm down, Joe.

It was just an accident.

You all right, Barbie?

I'm fine, Ken. Thank you for being so concerned.

Well, ain't that sweet?

Makes you want to swallow a live grenade.

Your grenades aren't live, Joe. They're just itsy-bitsy pieces of plastic.

Well, I got a live grenade for you, babe.

What's that supposed to mean?

They're not just dolls.

These dolls are very... lifelike.

Oh, I get it.

Now, you get pissed just because I put you down because I wouldn't suck your

little ding-dong?

No, no, it's not that, really. Look,

it's the dolls.

I don't know what it is, but you work here long enough and they start to seem

real to you. I know it's weird.

Len, you're a real dork.

Look, let's get back to work, okay? From now on, just stay away from this shelf.

Okay.

Come on, guys, cut it out. Stop fighting. Life's too short.

She's right. One day you'll get sold.

And little kids will be pouring off your arms and stuff. And then you'll end up

in the garbage.

Ex-toys.

So why don't you shake hands?

Come on, shake hands.

Do it.

That's more like it.

Go ahead home, Bobby. I'll finish up.

Okay. Good night.

Good night.

Good night, guys.

And now the witching hour is upon us when the toys come out to play.

Looks like the ballerina will be the toy store nightly lady.

Hey!

Every night it's the same thing.

Sex, sex, sex.

That's all these toys think about is fucking.

They like it, that's all.

But they're not even married.

Honey, there's no such thing as a minister doll.

My dear, I think you're the loveliest dancer in all the world. Oh, I think you

were brilliant in the revolution

For the lady.

You know

Okay, pizza.

If you were ever sold, I'd rot.

I promise, I'd rot. Please.

I won't be sold.

We'll be sold together.

I'd run away.

Oh, you would?

Yes.

So I sold you. I love you.

Ken!

Oh, what's the matter, Barbie? You want her to do it?

Hey, Bobby.

Mm-hmm? Take these 20s, go to the bank and get me some singles.

Okay, sure.

Hi. May I help you? Yeah, I'm looking for some toys for my little girl.

Are you married?

Yeah, your next month.

How old is your daughter?

Six months.

You know, you look kind of familiar.

Yeah, we went to high school together.

No kidding. You went to Nixon, huh?

Yeah, I had you in biology.

God, everybody had me in high school.

Sorry, I don't remember.

That's not what I meant. I do remember your reputation.

I deserved it. I sucked more cocks and had more stiff ones shoved at my pussy

than every other girl put together.

Huh.

Married life is different, though.

The same cock all the time.

Nothing but same cock.

Yep.

Must be nice.

I hate it. Do you know who I married?

Bill Nordiff, the football captain?

I wish.

Algernon Harigal.

Our science teacher?

He boffed me between the Munson burners and the litmus papers, which all turned

blue, by the way.

Wow.

So, uh, you and I never did it, huh?

We, uh, well, because I was, uh, uh, no, we never did.

Then, uh, we have to make up for lost time.

Uh, um, what if somebody catches us?

What if somebody comes? Isn't that the whole idea?

My people just die to have to change me.

Mm-hmm. Mm

-hmm.

I'm married.

Thank you.

muscle for you.

It's about time.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, everyone.

Who cares? Joe is in our mouth.

Maybe.

Maybe what?

Maybe he got sold while we were sleeping.

Can they do that? Can they sell you without telling you?

Barbie, it's a toy-eat-toy world out there.

That's horrible.

I say, who didn't?

Hey, maybe Jack knows where he is.

Hey, Jack!

Don't abuse my box.

You sound just like Barbie.

Hey, Jack.

You know what Joe is?

He woke me in the early hours.

He's about to leave, baby, in the store.

She probably was a virgin, but I bet she ain't no home.

He said, don't worry.

I'll be back safe and sound without a scratch.

And he took off another shell.

to get himself a cabin snatch.

Oh, poor little kid.

Her first night at a new toy store and she gets nailed by a nine-inch action

figure. Yeah, can you imagine the headlines?

Hey, boys and girls.

Here's the pervert now.

What's that?

Hey, Joe, how was breakfast?

Did you have to push a bush out of the way to get your dick in there?

Don't worry about it.

Pervert.

Look, I didn't do anything.

I got turned off.

Besides, you know what cabbage smells like when it gets hot?

You are still sick.

I'm the great American hero, babe.

Disgusting. You will wind up an old dog sniffing Betsy Betsy panties.

Well, you sheet metal slut.

Yes, little boy.

I'm more man than you can handle, babe.

I've had toys like you for breakfast.

You could not satisfy me with a 10-inch pole.

I could fuck you silly with one ball tied behind my ear.

Anybody got some rope?

Is that a challenge?

Could be.

I just hope your batteries are fully charged, babe.

No fair electrocuting.

Sorry. That's what happens when my juices are flowing.

Hmm.

Thank you.

um um

No, no.

You gonna fire my cannon?

Yeah!

Oh, so good.

Oh, here I come. Oh, here I come.

Here I come.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

You're not bad for a robot.

You're not bad for a shell-shocked freak.

Hope you guys all enjoyed it.

Now carry on.

Dan, come down here.

What's going on, baby?

Should I wake Barbie?

Oh, I wouldn't do that.

What's going on, girl?

We got tired of seeing the way you were watching everyone.

So, you're always frustrated, trying to get Barbie to do it.

We had to do something.

Always going to sleep with that little plastic heart on. It's going to break

right through your surf and sun trousers.

Like it's doing now.

It is my idea.

Because I'm a teddy.

And it's my job to cuddle and nurture when I see someone who's not getting

enough love.

And I'm a ballerina. I don't dance, but I stretch and stretch all day.

I could put my feet behind my ears.

This rapper in the box can't believe his eyes.

Use some cheeks and civilize.

Ken, I'll bet you didn't know that this teddy was all bare underneath.

Oh, no, it isn't.

I don't know how she's getting out of her taxi.

I'll bet you're all bare underneath, too.

You want to see?

Oh, this is carrying a diet.

I went down under that suit.

I love you.

Where'd you learn to do that, Ken?

Not from Barbie.

good teddy bear oh yes

Lick my balls. That's good.

That's good to hear.

That's ballerina.

You suck so good.

Suck my dick, baby.

That's it.

Yeah.

Suck it, baby.

Spongebob

Good morning, boys and girl.

Ben, how did you get over here with Teddy and Ballerina?

Ah,

good morning, Barbie.

Did you sleep well?

I know I must seem pretty silly standing here talking to you, but I can't help

it. You seem so real to me.

Real girls are such idiots anyway.

But you, Barbie, you're like the perfect girl.

I wish I could meet you someday.

Oh, well.

Have a nice day.

Oh, my God.

Well, good morning, Mr.

Psycho. And how are things in the doll world today? Bobby, how long have you

been standing there? Long enough to know you are really pathetic.

Bobby, look, don't tell anyone about this, please.

In love with the doll.

May I help you? Oh, quite.

Possibly. I'm looking for a toy for my girl.

Something that's fun but sturdy.

Something that'll last a while. Something that could keep her busy while

her daddy's away on business.

And how old is your little girl?

Eighteen. Why not sell him a doll?

A doll?

Bobby.

What kind of dolls?

Oh, she's just kidding around, but we have some nice train sets.

No, actually, I think I would be more interested in your dolls.

Show everyone.

Okay. We have a toy soldier.

Mm-hmm.

A ballerina. Yes. Soldier Joe.

Mm-hmm. A Barbie and Ken.

Mm-hmm. A Barbie and Ken.

A Jack in the Box.

Oh, I like him.

Oh, he's so handsome.

Oh, yes.

You say your dolls are very lifelike?

No, no.

Len thinks the dolls are very real. As a matter of fact, Len thinks the dolls

are real.

I caught him talking to them this morning. He thinks that Barbie is the

perfect girl.

Is that so?

Bobby, I'm sorry about this.

Not to worry. It's none of my business.

What are you trying to do, scare all the customers away?

Me? You're the psycho.

You take that back right now.

Psycho, psycho, psycho.

Just relax, Len. Don't worry about where you are.

You've been so good to us all these months.

Just enjoy yourself.

Now we take care of you.

Is this a dream?

And now the witching hour is here again. The toy store playtime's in.

All the toys are gathered round, checking out the new toys that have been

found. There's Barbie's cousin and one for Ken.

Two new dolls. called Bobby and Lynn. There's Barbie's cousin and one for Ken.

Two new toys called Bobby and Lynn.

This is Playland.

Here you go.

Hey, T.S.

Yes?

Help me with this doll.

Is that an order?

Yep.

Yes, sir.

Hey, where am I?

Don't worry about it. You like it, don't you?

But I'm supposed to be at work at the toy store.

Oh, you're not going to have to worry about that anymore.

You mean I've been fired?

Let's just say you've been shelved.

Equipment delivered as ordered, sir.

Thanks, Jack.

Amen.

I don't know what's going on.

Thanks.

um

Fuck it to your ass. Fuck it.

Fuck it.

Thank you.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

oh oh oh

oh oh oh

Oh yeah.

I love you too, Barbie.

I always loved you.

I always will.

Warby, is this the time?

I've given this a lot of thought.

I think so.

I think so too.

I waited a long time for this.

Thank you.

Juicing it up and making it zing Now why aren't you?

I'm game, how about you?

Why not?

Nothing to it, but to do it

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah.