Original subtitles

♪ Get out on the highway headin' down to my way ♪

♪ Passin' everything in sight ♪

♪ I push it to the max, gettin' ready to relax ♪

♪ 'Cause it's gonna be a Saturday night ♪

♪ I know a place just over the hill ♪

♪ If you wanna have a good time, you will ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Just across the border ♪

♪ Just across the border ♪

♪ Said way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Don't need no law and order ♪

♪ Don't need no law and order ♪

♪ Once you get down there, then you'll know ♪

♪ Way down South is the way to go ♪

♪ You can have the fast lane ♪

♪ I don't want the stress and strain ♪

♪ Gonna leave it all behind ♪

♪ You get a little lazy, afterwards you're crazy ♪

♪ Nobody goin' to mind ♪

♪ Don't need a lot of cash or a flashy car ♪

♪ The folks there take you just the way you are ♪

♪ Said way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Just across the border ♪

♪ Just across the border ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ You don't need no drink of water ♪

♪ Need no drink of water ♪

♪ Now, once you get down there ♪

♪ Then you'll see ♪

♪ Nothing like Southern hospitality ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Almost to the border ♪

♪ Almost to the border ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ She knows more than mama taught her ♪

♪ More than mama taught her ♪

♪ And all the way from Nashville ♪

♪ To New Orleans ♪

♪ We got the cheap-talking belles ♪

♪ And the Delta Queens ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Almost to the border ♪

♪ Almost to the border ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Way down South ♪

♪ Don't need no law and order ♪

♪ Need no law and order ♪

♪ Now, once you get down there ♪

♪ Then you'll see ♪

♪ Nothing like Southern hospitality ♪

♪ Yeah ♪ ♪

Here's some for 37 cents.

Here's some for 32.

31.

I think that's it.

Don't they have any generics?

This is their generic.

I never heard of that brand.

Get this one.

You're paying for advertising.

Tuna. We should get tuna.

Please, no more tuna, OK?

It's got protein. We need protein.

Beans have protein.

Beans make you fart.

We got a convertible.

I'm getting it for myself.

One burrito and one large slush.

$21.67.

Can you fill this up?

21.67.

[ Radio] This next one's a WSTT special request.

It goes out to Ernestine...

Jesus.

I forgot to pay for this.

You could have gotten caught.

What if somebody saw?

The laws are medieval down here.

Know what the minimum age

for execution is in Alabama?

What, 16?

10!

A cop's behind us.

A cop?

There's no problem.

There might be.

There's no problem until there's a problem.

Just relax, please.

Is he still there?

Yeah.

Goddamn it!

Calm down.

A cop's behind us, that's all.

There's nothing's wrong.

Uh-oh.

What?

His lights are on.

Fuck!

Fuck. Goddamn it!

What do we do?

It's probably nothing, OK?

It might be a taillight.

We don't have money for bail.

We don't need bail. Nothing's happened.

We're getting pulled over!

You stole something! You're finished.

Shut up, all right?

[Siren]

All right, here he comes.

Show me your hands!

Jesus.

Show me your hands! Get 'em up!

Get 'em up! Up!

Now put your hands on your head

and get out of the car!

Out of the car!

Go!

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure--

It's number 3 and 5

Ridiculous! All this over a can of tuna.

Keep quiet!

All right, bye.

I think we may get a confession.

I just heard that someone shot Jimmy Willis.

He's dead.

Oh, my God!

Who would do such a thing?

Hello, Bill. I'm Sheriff Farley.

Hi.

Do you know why you're here?

Yeah. Sorry. It was a stupid thing to do.

Have you been made aware of your rights?

Yes.

You're willing to waive that right?

Yes. I'll cooperate fully.

I'll sign a statement

or whatever makes this easier.

Good.

Good!

That's--That's good.

Stan had nothing to do with it.

Did he help you plan it?

No.

I mean, it wasn't planned out.

It just, like, you know, it just happened.

Did Stan try to stop you?

No.

I mean, he was...

Why? Is that a big deal?

Aidin' and abettin'.

Aiding and abetting?

That's a major thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

An accessory?

Are you guys kidding? An accessory?

I didn't help. I didn't plan it.

You didn't try to stop it.

I didn't know it was happening.

I found out later, in the car.

Why didn't you get out...

call the police then?

He's my friend.

Well...

your friend has put you in a lot of trouble.

What's going to happen to Bill?

Nothing...

unless he's convicted.

Of course, if he is...

we're going to run enough electricity through him

to light up Birmingham.

We were friends at NYU.

We both applied and got scholarships to UCLA.

We figured the weather and the scenery

would be nicer in the South.

What about the tuna fish?

Then I forgot about the tuna, and then we left.

Did he catch you with the tuna fish?

Is that how it started?

He didn't say anything.

But he knew about it?

I don't know.

Let's talk about that for a moment.

You paid for the groceries.

And then what?

We went out to the car, and that's it.

When did you shoot him?

What?

When did you shoot the clerk?

I shot the clerk?

Yes. When?

I shot the clerk?

Hey, Dean, we need you out here.

I'm in the middle of a damn confession here!

Whoa!

Wait a minute!

What's the matter?

You know what this is all about?

Yeah. They're fucking with us.

You don't believe them?

They don't execute for shoplifting.

You think we're being booked for shoplifting?

You're being booked for shoplifting.

I'm being booked for accessory to shoplifting.

No. Stan, I'm being booked for murder,

and you're being booked for accessory to murder.

[ Door Opens]

It's time to make your phone calls.

Goddamn it!

Could you contact your parents?

How? Call the Chilean consulate?

They'll send a guide into the mountains looking for them?

We need an attorney, a great attorney.

Do you know any great attorneys?

No.

I'm calling my mother.

Hello, Ma?

We're in Wahzoo.

It's in Beechum County, Alabama, Ma.

Not--Not too good, Ma.

We, uh...

we've been arrested.

Ma? Ma, please.

First of all, we didn't do it, all right?

Murder.

Ma...Ma. Plea--Ma. Ma, it's a mistake.

We must look like the guys who did it.

What we think is happening is--

Shut up.

We think they're setting us up.

You know how corrupt it is down here.

They all know each other.

The Klan's here! They're inbred!

They sleep with their sisters.

Some of them do.

Ma, we got to get an attorney.

It's going to cost a lot of money.

How much would an attorney cost?

A decent one? $50,000-$100,000.

50,000-100,000.

I know, Ma. I know!

Can we use any attorney?

I think so.

He thinks so.

Oh, he is?

Well, that's a great idea!

You think he'll do it?

What?

We got an attorney.

My cousin Vinny!

[Car Radio] ♪ Yeah♪

♪ Did he sing this, or did he sing that?♪

What is that?

♪ I thought she was that♪

♪ But this sinister collection♪

♪ Use your own reflection♪

♪ The trial--survival♪

♪ Get into my telescope♪

♪ Yeah♪

♪ How's your business?♪

♪ How's your business?♪

♪ Yeah♪

♪ How's your business?♪

Where is he from?

♪ Get into my business♪

♪ They tried to tie you down♪

♪ The ball and chain♪

♪ The ball and chain♪

♪ They tried to make a move♪

♪ So they changed the game♪

♪ Every time you're up♪

♪ They try to tear you down♪

♪ I'm tellin' you right now♪

♪ The sinister collection♪

♪ Infection, objection--♪♪

[Click]

What?

Nothing.

You stick out like a sore thumb around here.

Me? What about you?

I fit in better than you.

I'm wearing cowboy boots.

Oh, yeah. You blend.

I bet the Chinese food here is terrible.

I don't see anything out of whack.

The wheels went off-balance after we hit that mud.

That's not it.

Put it on a rack and take a look.

What's wrong?

What?

What's the problem?

Nothing. The car was shimmying a little.

You got mud in your tires.

I got mud in my tires?

How do you get mud into the tires?

That's a figure of speech.

The mud gets inside the wheel,

throws the balance off.

You ever hear of mud in the tires?

No.

She never heard of it.

She knows everything about cars.

Now, see, down here,

everybody gets stuck in the mud.

Yep, we're famous for our mud.

You're famous for your mud?

How's your Chinese food?

You keep asking about Chinese food.

Can't you tell

they don't have Chinese restaurants around here?

Everybody will know you're a tourist.

What are you, a fucking world traveler?

Stop the death penalty!

Our jail was condemned this morning.

That's why we're bringing you

to the State Corrections Facility.

Ha ha ha!

Unlock the gate.

[ Buzzer]

Go on through.

[ Prisoners Yelling]

[Catcalls]

You know what happens in these places?

Yeah, I know what happens in these places.

Sometimes there's a big guy named Bubba

no one wants to tangle with.

He'll protect you if you become his sex slave.

There's only two of us here.

What about those cots?

What if they put somebody else in here?

Stan...

shut up.

OK.

[ Door Slams]

Hey, hey, hey!

[ Prisoners Yelling]

Here.

We got somebody for you.

You must be Stan. How you doing?

Why'd they bring you in here?

I just got in.

I asked for the new guys, and they brought me here.

Hey, he's sleeping. Cute little guy.

Maybe I'll just start with you,

let him sleep a little bit.

I don't want to do this.

Hey, I don't blame you.

If I was in your situation,

I'd want to get through this

as quickly and with as little pain as possible,

so let's try our best to make it a simple in-and-out procedure.

What's the matter?

Relax. Relax.

Relax.

Maybe we should spend a couple of minutes together

to get acquainted before we, uh...

you know, before we get to it.

What's wrong with you?

I don't want to do this.

I understand, but what are your alternatives?

My alternatives?

Yeah.

To what? To you?

I don't know-- suicide, death.

Look, it's either me or them.

You're getting fucked one way or the other.

Hey, hey, hey.

Lighten up, OK?

Don't worry, I'm going to help you.

Gee, thanks.

I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line.

You think I should be grateful?

Yeah. It's your ass, not mine.

I think you should be grateful.

You should be down on your fucking knees.

I didn't know it was such an honor.

I'm doing a favor here.

You're getting me for nothing.

That's one hell of an ego.

What the fuck is your problem?

I did not come down here

just to get jerked off.

No, no.

I'm not jerking you off.

I'm not doing anything.

That's it. You're on your own.

I'm just taking care of sleeping beauty.

Back off!

Vinny! Hey, Vinny!

Vinny?

Vinny Bag-of-Doughnuts! How are you?

This is Vinny?

I don't know where to start.

Have you had any murder cases before?

No. This will be my first.

Your first.

Yeah.

Well, what kind of cases have you had?

Assault and battery, armed robbery...

you know.

No.

Well, I expect he's done burglary, grand theft auto,

drugs...right, Vin?

No.

Nothing like that, either.

What kind of law do you practice?

Well, up till now, personal injury.

Well, you're a trial attorney, right?

I mean, personal injury trials?

This will be my first foray into the trial process.

I haven't had to go to court yet...

knock on wood.

You haven't had to go to court yet.

How long have you been practicing?

Almost six weeks.

Vin, you graduated from law school six years ago.

What have you been doing since?

Studying. For the bar.

Six years?

Mm-hmm.

That's a lot of studying.

Well...

to be honest with you, I, uh...

I didn't pass my first time out.

That's OK.

You passed the second time, right?

I'm afraid not.

Three times a charm?

Not for me it isn't.

Nope. For me, six times was a charm.

Six times.

Ahem.

A little informal, aren't we?

I was just, uh--

Not wearing a coat or tie.

Oh! Sorry.

Well, approving an attorney

from out-of-state is a pretty informal matter.

I just have a few questions.

OK. Fire away, Judge.

Where'd you go to law school?

Brooklyn Academy of Law.

Is that an accredited law school?

Uh...

Oh...yes.

How long have you been practicing?

Oh, about, uh, six, uh...

almost 16 years.

Any murder cases?

Lots of them. Quite a few, yes.

What was the outcome?

Uh, you know-- win some, lose some.

This is not the forum to be cavalier.

Oh, of course. Now, let me see...

most recently I had a ax murder,

which I won on the grounds

of temporary insanity.

Want to hear the facts?

No.

What else?

Let me see, what else?

Heard of Son of Sam?

The fellow who received orders to kill from a dog?

That one.

You defended him?

Well, no, not exactly.

I defended the first guy they arrested,

and, uh, he was found innocent

and set free and, uh, they caught the real guy.

Well...

we don't have any serial killers in Beechum County,

but what we do have

is as sophisticated a system of justice

as the rest of the country.

Oh, I'm sure.

Being from New York,

you might have the impression

that law is practiced with a certain degree

of informality down here.

It isn't.

Right.

I tell you this because I want you to know

that when it comes to procedure,

I'm not a patient man.

I advise you, sir, when you come into my courtroom,

you are to know the letter of the law.

I react harshly when you don't.

You should.

New Yorkers don't get special treatment.

They shouldn't.

You won't.

You'll be given no leeway whatsoever.

[Clears Throat]

I expect you to know this information in my courtroom.

Oh, right.

You willing to accept those terms?

Right. No problem.

Just this?

[Stand By Your Man Plays]

This is going to be great.

Vinny's first case.

So, what can I do to help?

Nothing?

No.

[ Rooster Crows]

[Steam Whistle Blows]

What the fuck is that?

Want to sit at the counter?

Hey.

How you doing?

Listen, uh, what's the story

with this incredibly, remarkably loud whistle

at 5:30 in the morning?

It's the steam whistle.

Uh-huh.

Over at the sawmill.

Tell folks it's time to get up.

You can hear it for miles.

Y'all want something?

Yeah.

Breakfast?

You think?

Uh, good choice.

Two.

[Vinny] Excuse me.

You guys down here

hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem

in the country?

What--What's this over here?

You never heard of grits?

Sure. Sure, I heard of grits.

I just actually never seen a grit before.

Honey, you going to try it?

You first.

What is a grit, anyways?

It's made out of corn. Them hominy grits.

Hominy.

Hmm.

How do you cook it?

You simmer it in water 15-20 minutes,

put it on the plate, and add butter.

So? You going to eat it or not?

Ha ha ha.

Is your attorney here?

I am the attorney.

Oh. Jim Trotter III,

District Attorney, Beechum County.

Vincent La Guardia Gambini I, Brooklyn.

Nice to see you.

Yeah.

Vin.

Hey.

All rise for his honor Judge Chamberlain Haller.

The Court of Beechum County

is now in session.

Be seated.

First case--The People of the State of Alabama

vs. William Robert Gambini

and Stanley Marcus Rothenstein.

Stein. She called me Stine.

Just...

Counselor, your clients are charged

with first-degree murder.

How do they plead?

Your Honor--

Don't talk to me sitting in that chair.

But he told me to sit here.

When you're addressing this court,

you will rise

and speak to me in a clear, intelligible voice.

Ahem. Sorry. My clients, uh--

What are you wearing?

Huh?

What are you wearing?

I'm, uh, wearing, uh...

clothes.

I don't get the question.

When you come into my court looking like you do,

you not only insult me,

but you insult the integrity of this court.

I apologize, sir, but this is how I dress.

Next time you come into my courtroom,

you will look lawyerly.

And I mean you comb your hair

and wear a suit and tie.

And that suit

better be made out of some kind of cloth.

You understand me?

Uh, yes. Uh, fine, Judge. Fine.

Good. You may continue. How do your clients plead?

Uh, my clients are caught completely by surprise.

They thought they were getting arrested

for, uh, shoplifting a can of tuna.

What are you telling me-- that they plead not guilty?

No. I'm just trying to explain.

I don't want to hear explanations.

Alabama has its procedure,

and that procedure at this point in time

is to have an arraignment.

Are we clear on this?

Yes, but there seems to be a lot of confusion here.

Mr. Gambini.

See, my clients, uh...

Uh, Mr. Gambini.

All the way?

All I ask from you is a very simple answer

to a very simple question.

There are only two ways to answer it--

Guilty or not guilty.

Well, Your Honor, my clients didn't do anything.

Once again, the communication process has broken down.

It appears to me

that you want to skip the arraignment process,

go directly to trial, skip that,

and get a dismissal.

[Snickering]

Well, I'm not about to revamp the entire judicial process

just because you find yourself

in the unique position of defending clients

who say they didn't do it.

Now, the next words out of your mouth

will be "guilty" or "not guilty."

I don't want to hear commentary,

argument, or opinion.

If I hear anything other than "guilty" or "not guilty,"

you'll be in contempt.

I don't even want to hear you clear your throat.

I hope I've been clear.

Now...

how...

do your clients...

plead?

I think...

I get...the point.

No...

I don't think you do.

You're now in contempt of court.

Would you like to go for two counts of contempt?

Not guilty.

Thank you.

Bail will be set at $200,000.

[ Pounds Gavel]

Preliminary hearing will be set for 9:30 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Bailiff, please take Mr. Gambini into custody.

His bail will be set at $200.

Come with me, please.

All rise as the judge leaves.

You have to bail me out. You know that, right?

[Whistling Dixie]

Let's go.

They're going to nuke

this guy Norton this weekend.

Looks like it.

You got one huge responsibility

taking on this murder case.

You screw up, and those boys get fried.

I know.

So you think you know what you're doing?

Yeah, I think I know what I'm doing.

Cause you didn't look like

you knew what you were doing today in that courtroom.

Why is that?

Well, it's a lot of procedure, that's all.

I'll learn it as I go.

Learn as you go?

Yeah, yeah.

Didn't they teach that in law school?

No, that's not what they teach you.

They teach you contracts, precedents, interpretations,

and then the firm that hires you, they teach you procedures.

Or you could go to court and watch.

So why don't you go to court and watch?

Because between your father's garage

and working nights,

when was I supposed to go?

I thought maybe this summer

I would take off a couple of months.

But it ain't no big deal.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

I don't know how you can be so sure

when you don't know what it is

you're supposed to know.

It's a procedure.

Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure.

When you rebuild a carburetor,

first you take the carburetor off the manifold.

Supposing you skip the first step,

and while you're replacing one of the jets,

you accidentally drop the jet.

It goes down the carburetor

and goes into the head.

You're fucked.

You just learned the hard way

that you got to remove the carburetor first, right?

That's what happened to me today.

I learned the hard way.

Actually, it was a good learning experience for me.

Is there any way I could help out

in this procedure situation?

Yeah. Keep bailing me out.

There is one problem.

We can't afford to keep bailing you out.

I already cashed in half the traveler's checks.

I didn't want to cash them in,

so I tried hustling the money,

but I got stiffed.

What do you mean you got stiffed?

♪ 'Cause I'll always come back to you♪

♪ If it ain't none of your business, baby♪

♪ You'd better keep it--♪♪

[ Record Scratches]

Hey. Vincent La Guardia Gambini.

His name's J.T.

J.T.

I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool

for $200, which she won.

I'm here to collect.

How about if I just kick your ass?

Oh, a counteroffer.

That's what we lawyers-- I'm a lawyer--

we call that a counteroffer.

This is a tough decision here.

Get my ass kicked or collect $200.

What do you think?

I could use a good asskicking,

I'll be very honest with you.

Hmm.

Nah, I think I'll just go with the 200.

Over my dead body.

You like to renegotiate as you go along, huh?

OK, then, here's my counteroffer.

Do I have to kill you?

What if I just kicked the shit out of you?

In your dreams.

No, no. In reality,

if I was to kick the shit out of you,

do I get the money?

If you kick the shit out of me?

Yeah.

Yeah. Then you get the money.

[ Laughter]

What happened, rear ended?

No, I fell.

Oh.

OK.

Let's see if we agree on the terms.

The choice now is I get my ass kicked...

or option "B"-- I kick your ass

and collect the 200.

I'm going with option "B"--

kicking your ass and collecting $200.

[ Laughter]

Are we going to fight now?

Yeah. First, show me the money.

I have the money.

All right. Show it to me.

I can get it.

You can get it?

All right. Get it.

Then we'll fight.

Did you fall in your place or somebody else's?

My place.

Shit.

He blew the arraignment.

It's a simple procedure.

He just had to say "guilty" or "not guilty."

We could have done that.

So? What are you saying?

What am I saying?

You saw what happened in there.

You want to stay with him after that?

Shit, I don't want to fire him. He's family.

And my mother, the way her health is now...

I appreciate that,

but should you die for that?

Wouldn't your mother be more upset if you died?

Given the chance, he could do a good job.

No, you're wrong.

Knock it off. Let's go.

Stan, listen to me.

You have to see the Gambinis in action.

These people love to argue. They live to argue.

My parents argue, too.

That doesn't make them good lawyers.

Stan, I've seen your parents argue.

Trust me, they're amateurs.

[ Drip]

Is that a drip I hear?

[ Drip]

Yeah.

Weren't you the last one to use the bathroom?

So?

Well, did you use the faucet?

Yeah.

[ Drip]

Then why didn't you turn it off?

I did turn it off.

If you turned it off, why am I listening to it?

Did it occur to you it could be turned off

and still drip?

No. If you turned it off, it wouldn't drip.

Maybe it's broken.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, that's it. It's broken.

You sure?

I'm positive.

Maybe you didn't twist it hard enough.

I twisted it just right.

How could you be so sure?

If you will look in the manual,

you will see that this particular model faucet

requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque.

I routinely twist maximum allowable torqueage.

How could you be sure

you used 16 foot-pounds of torque?

Because I used a Craftsman model 10-19,

laboratory edition, signature series

torque wrench,

the kind used by Cal Tech high-energy physicists

and NASA engineers.

Well, in that case, how could you be sure that's accurate?

Because a split second

before the torque wrench was applied

to the faucet handle,

it had been calibrated by top members

of the State and Federal Department

of Weights and Measures

to be dead-on balls accurate.

Here's a certificate of validation.

Dead-on balls accurate?

It's an industry term.

I guess the fucking thing is broken.

We got to move.

Then I heard two loud bangs like firecrackers.

I looked up and saw two young men

run out from the Sac-O-Suds

and jump into a green car

with a white convertible top

and drive off like the dickens.

Mrs. Riley, are those two young men present

in the courtroom today?

Yes, sir. They are.

Could you point them out for me, please, ma'am?

They're sitting right there.

Uh-huh. Now, uh...

Mrs. Riley,

is this the car?

Yes, sir. It is.

Thank you, ma'am.

Oh. Let the record show Mrs. Constance Riley

identified the defendants' car.

I was making my breakfast.

I saw them two boys go into the store.

Then later, I heard a gunshot.

Looked out the window.

They was running out,

got into the car, and drove off.

Is this the car?

Yes.

It is.

Thank you, sir.

You saw those two boys

run out of the Sac-O-Suds

and take off in this car?

Yeah, they peeled away.

Car was all over the road.

I asked him if he did it,

and he said, I shot the clerk.

I asked him again, and again he said,

I shot the clerk.

Your Honor, no further questions.

Mr. Gambini.

Yes?

Do you have anything to add?

Thing? What thing?

Not for me to say.

Uh, no, sir.

You can stand down.

Do you have any other witnesses?

No.

The court finds sufficient evidence exists

for this matter to go to trial.

I'm setting this matter for trial

this Monday, February 2nd, 10 a.m.

[ Pounds Gavel]

Mr. Gambini?

Stand up.

Didn't I say the next time you appear in my courtroom

that you dress appropriately?

You were serious about that?

Why didn't you ask them any questions?

Questions?

Ask who questions?

You knew you could ask questions, didn't you, Vin?

Maybe if you'd put up some kind of a fight,

you could have gotten the case thrown out.

Hey, Stan, you're in Ala-fucking-bama.

You come from New York.

You killed a good old boy.

There is no way

this is not going to trial.

What the fuck is going on here, Vinny?

You fucking up this case or what?

It's just procedure. I'm bound to fuck up a little.

A little? You're thrown in jail...twice.

Hey. I know I was in jail.

I don't need you to point it out to me.

You're my fiancée.

You're supposed to stand by your man,

Encourage me a little bit.

Is that what you want?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. You were wonderful in there.

The way you handled that judge,

Oh, you're a smooth talker. You are, you are.

All right, knock it off.

You think I like fucking up, is that it?

You ragging on me is not going to give me

any great spontaneous knowledge.

Yeah?

Shut it!

[Tires Screech]

Fuck.

You done reading?

Yeah.

You want to go to bed?

I don't know. I don't feel good.

You shouldn't feel good. You haven't slept much in three days.

That's part of it.

You know what it is?

I'm, uh, I'm really scared.

You should be.

How the fuck did I get into this shit?

Oh, sure, no problem.

I could win the case."

I already got myself sent to jail twice.

I could win this thing, though.

I know I could

if I could keep my ass awake

and out of jail long enough.

You know what I think? Honestly?

I think that once you're out there

and you're doing your thing out there,

I think you're going to be really great.

Really great.

If...

you don't fuck up.

[ Rooster Crows]

[ Pigs Squealing]

If this was a conspiracy,

they'd have to get all those people to lie.

You think that's what's happening?

I think we should meet with the public defender,

see what he's like.

If he's honest...

then we should go with him.

All right.

That's death row in there.

It is?

The chair ain't working like it used to.

The guy we fried last week...

took us three attempts, and his head caught fire.

There's no money to get it looked at.

It'd be cheaper to get it fixed

than keep running up them extra electric bills.

Hi, Stanley.

My name is John Gibbons,

and I'm, um, an attorney

in the public defender's office.

Hi.

Hey.

Now, evidence against you is pretty strong,

so, um...

why don't you tell me your side of the story?

Hey, Vin.

Hey. Billy.

How are you?

How do you feel, OK?

Hanging in.

Where's Stan?

Uh, Stan, he's-- he's not coming.

Stan...

he's, um...

well, he wants to go with the public defender.

Listen, Vin...

I'm going with the public defender, too.

I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.

I didn't know what little experience you had with this.

What, are you scared?

Yeah, I'm scared.

Maybe I could have handled the preliminary better.

I admit it.

But what's most important is winning the case.

I could do it.

I really could.

Let me tell you how, OK?

The D.A.'s got to build a case.

Building a case is like building a house--

each piece of evidence is just another building block.

He wants to make a brick bunker.

He wants to use serious, solid-looking bricks,

like these. Right?

Right.

Let me show you something.

He's going to show you the bricks.

He'll show you they got straight sides.

He'll show you how they got the right shape.

He'll show them to you in a very special way,

so they appear to have everything a brick should have.

There's one thing he won't show you.

When you look at bricks at the right angle,

they're this thin.

His whole case is an illusion,

a magic trick.

It has to be an illusion

cause you're innocent.

Nobody--

I mean nobody--

pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini,

especially this one.

Give me the chance.

One chance.

Let me question the first witness.

If after that point,

you don't think I'm the best man for the job,

fire me then and there.

I'll leave quietly, no grudges.

All I ask is for that one chance.

I think you should give it to me.

He thinks you should give it to him?

What was he before, a fucking comedian?

If he doesn't ask the right questions,

your lawyer will, right?

No. He'll fuck things up.

There's more to cross-examination

than knowing what to say.

It's knowing what not to say.

Let's say he asks all the possible questions

and the witness has all the answers.

He ends up proving the prosecution's case.

How did he ever talk you into it?

At my cousin Ruthie's wedding,

the groom's brother was that guy Alakazam.

You know who I'm talking about?

The magician with the ponytail?

Right.

Well, he did his act,

and every time something disappeared,

Vinny jumped on him.

It was like, It's in his pocket!

or "He's palming it," you know?

There's a mirror under the table."

He was like, Wait a second.

It's joined in the middle,

and there's a spring around it.

It pops it open inside the tube."

It was like Alakazam's worst nightmare.

Vinny was just being Vinny.

He was just being the quintessential Gambini.

[ Buzzing]

There goes the quintessential Norton.

Lookie here, J.T.

Hey-hey, little Yankee boy.

Look here what I got.

What is it?

$200.

Bring it here. Let me see it.

Hmm.

How do I know that's not a bunch of 1s

with a 20 wrapped around it?

It's 200 bucks.

Fan it out. Show it to me.

Yeah. Right.

[Crossing Bells Ring]

[ Rumbling]

[Train Whistle Blows]

Does that freight train come through

at 5 a.m. every morning?

No, sir. It's very unusual.

OK.

I made a lot of money winning most of my cases.

Thank you, Shirley.

My clients were guilty as hell.

Finally, after getting this one fella

off some very serious charges for the fourth time,

my conscience got to me.

Wouldn't I be better off serving justice

by putting the guilty in jail?

That's what I'm doing, and I'm a happier man for it.

How about you?

Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket.

I went to court.

I got the cop on the stand

and argued until he admitted he was wrong.

And, uh...the judge, this, uh, Judge Malloy,

all the while, he's laughing and smiling,

then afterwards he asks me to go to lunch with him.

Then he says to me, you'd be a good litigator.

I didn't know what he was talking about.

I don't know what a litigator is.

I never thought of becoming a lawyer,

but this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too--

I mean, he did it,

so all of a sudden, it seemed possible.

So I went to law school.

Then from time to time, he would come by,

see how I was doing, if I needed anything.

He was a nice man.

To go out of his way like that for me, you know?

He wanted his son to follow in his footsteps,

but he became a musician or something.

I remember, when I graduated,

he was so proud of me.

That's quite a story.

Yeah.

So, we got some case ahead of us here.

Oh, yeah.

How do you feel about it?

Oh, well, I...

I'd like to have the murder weapon.

Other than that, I feel pretty good.

You do?

Oh, yeah.

Hmm.

What are you doing this afternoon?

You're going hunting?

That's right.

Why are you going hunting?

Shouldn't you be out preparing for court?

I was thinking last night--

if only I knew what he knows, you know?

If he'd let me look at his files.

Oh, boy.

I don't get it.

What does getting his files

have anything to do with hunting?

You know, two guys out in the woods,

guns, on the hunt.

It's a bonding thing, you know?

Show him I'm one of the boys.

He won't let me look at his files,

but maybe he'll relax enough to drop his guard

so I can finesse information from him.

What am I going to wear?

What are you going to hunt?

I don't know.

He's got a lot of stuffed heads in his office.

Heads?

What kind of heads?

He's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer.

Whoa. You're going to shoot a deer?

I don't know. I suppose.

I'm a man's man. I could go deer hunting.

A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating,

doe-eyed little deer.

I'm not going to go out there

to wimp out, you know?

The guy will lose respect for me.

Would you rather have that?

What about these pants I got on?

You think they're OK?

Oh!

Imagine you're a deer.

You're prancing along, you get thirsty,

you spot a little brook,

you put your little deer lips

down to the cool, clear water...

Bam!

A fucking bullet rips off your head!

Your brains are laying on the ground

in little bloody pieces!

Would you give a fuck what pants

the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?

I'd sure like to look at your files.

You would?

Sure.

You got a Xerox machine over there?

Uh, no.

Oh. That's OK.

I'll have my secretary do it.

Shirley,

can you Xerox all the files

on the Gambini/Rothenstein case

for Mr. Gambini?

Yeah.

Thank you, sweetheart.

What's all that?

Trotter's files, all of them.

You stole his files?

I didn't steal his files.

Listen to this.

I'm just ready to finesse him.

I got him going.

He offers to have his secretary

copy everything for me.

That's very impressive finessing.

That's not all.

He's letting us use his hunting cabin

when he gets back.

It's in the woods, it's quiet.

He sleeps like a baby there.

Terrific. You're a hell of a bonder.

What's this?

You, uh, reading this book?

Yeah.

Do me a favor, OK? Don't read this book.

OK?

Thank you very much.

All right.

Don't you know why Trotter gave you his files?

I told you why already.

He has to. By law, you're entitled.

It's called disclosure, you dickhead.

He has to show you everything,

otherwise it could be a mistrial.

He has to give you a list of witnesses.

You can talk to them.

He's not allowed any surprises!

They didn't teach you that in law school?

Now let me ask you this--

how many different levels of thickness

have you gone through?

What did you have for breakfast?

Well...

What's that brown...stuff?

Huh?

[Crossing Bells Ring]

[Train Whistle Blows]

[ Dishes Crash]

Yesterday you told me

that freight train hardly ever comes through here

at 5 A.M. in the morning.

She's supposed to come through at 10 after 4.

Can you participate in an endeavor

in which the ultimate decision

might be death by electrocution?

Ma'am?

I think it should be up to the victims' families

rather than the courts.

Uh-huh.

Uh, the defendants in this case

are charged with robbing a convenience store,

and then in a most cowardly fashion,

shooting the clerk in the back.

Now, if sufficient evidence is offered

to prove these facts,

you think you could, uh--

Fry 'em.

She'll do.

Hmm.

[ Knock On Door]

Mr. Gambini.

Come in, come in.

I just got a fax

from the New York State Office of Judicial Records.

They have no records

of any Vincent Gambini ever trying any case

in the entire state of New York.

Uh...

you're not going to find any records

of Vincent La Guardia Gambini

practicing in any courts.

I just told you that.

You don't understand.

See, 20 years ago, I became an actor.

There was this prominent stage actor in New York.

His name was Vincent Gambini.

Maybe you heard of him.

No.

Doesn't matter.

Anyway, I had to change my name,

which I did, legally.

So now I practice law

under my legally changed stage name.

What name is that?

Jerry Gallo.

Jerry Gallo.

You can still call me Gambini.

I'm sorry.

What name did you tell him?

Jerry Gallo.

Jerry Gallo?

The big attorney?

Yeah.

Think that was a smart move?

Yeah, well, the man's a seriously accomplished lawyer.

He checks up on him,

his name will show up all over.

His name was in the papers.

Yeah. I saw that.

You didn't read the articles?

No.

Too bad.

Why's that?

Cause he's dead.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know.

You're acting like you're nervous or something.

Well, yeah, I am.

Why? I'm the one under the gun.

The trial starts tomorrow.

Want to know why I'm nervous?

I'll tell you why.

I'm in the dark with this legal crap.

I don't know what's going on.

All's I know is you're screwing up,

and I can't help.

You lent me your little camera.

I'm watching you go down in flames,

you're bringing me with you,

and I can't do anything about it.

And?

I hate to bring it up.

I know you got enough pressure already,

but we agreed to get married

when you won your first case.

Meanwhile, 10 years later,

my niece, my sister's daughter, is getting married.

My biological clock is ticking like this,

and the way this case is going,

I ain't never getting married!

Lisa, I don't need this.

I swear to God I do not need this now.

I got a judge

that's just aching to throw me in jail,

an idiot who wants to fight me for $200,

slaughtered pigs,

giant, loud whistles.

I ain't slept in five days.

I got no money, a dress code problem,

and a little murder case,

which in the balance holds the lives of two innocent kids,

not to mention your...

biological clock.

My career, your life, our marriage!

And let me see!

What else could we pile on?

Is there any more shit

we could pile on to the outcome of this case?

Is it possible?

Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up.

[Screech]

What the fuck is that?

[Screech]

[Screech Screech]

[Screech]

[ Door Closes]

[Screech Screech]

This is very romantic.

Out here in this field...

under the stars...

quiet...

no one around for miles.

It's very romantic.

I don't see no stars.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Honey, move way back. Way--

I got to get up.

Let me--

This fucking jacket!

Hang on.

Fuck.

Ho.

You OK?

What was in that pink plastic thing?

It's your suit.

What is my suit doing in the trunk?

I had it cleaned.

I thought it would be nice,

go in there with a nice clean suit.

I have 30 fucking minutes

to shower, get a new suit,

and get to the fucking courthouse.

You shower. I'll get you a suit.

Hey-hey, little Yankee wuss!

Lookie here. Ha ha ha! I got your $200.

You going to kick the shit out of me now?

[ Door Bangs Open]

Here he comes.

Mr. Gambini,

are you mocking me with that outfit?

Mocking you? No. I'm not mocking you, Judge.

Then explain that...outfit.

I bought a suit. You've seen it.

Now it's covered in mud.

This town doesn't have a one-hour cleaners,

so I had to buy a new suit.

The only store you could buy a suit in

has got the flu.

Get that? The whole store got the flu.

I had to get this in a secondhand store.

So it's either wear the leather jacket,

which I know you hate,

or this.

So I wore this... ridiculous thing

for you.

Are you on drugs?

Drugs? No. I don't take drugs.

I don't like your attitude.

What else is new?

I'm holding you in contempt of court.

Oh, there's a fucking surprise.

What did you say?

What?

What did you just say?

What did I say? What?

Uh, Your Honor...

counsel, members of the jury.

The evidence in this case is going to show

that at 9:30 in the morning of January 4th,

both defendants, Stanley Rothenstein and William Gambini,

were seen getting out of their metallic green

1964 Buick Skylark convertible...

with a white top.

The evidence is going to show

that they were seen entering

the Sac-O-Suds convenience store in Wahzoo City.

The evidence is going to show

that minutes after they entered the Sac-O-Suds,

a gunshot was heard by three eyewitnesses.

You will then hear the testimony of the three eyewitnesses

who saw the defendants running out of the Sac-O-Suds

a moment after the shots were heard,

getting into their faded

metallic green 1964 Buick Skylark,

and driving off in great haste.

Finally, the state is going to prove

that the defendants Gambini and Rothenstein

admitted, then recanted their testimony,

to the sheriff of Beechum County.

Now let's get down to the lick log.

Your verdict is going to depend on what you think

of the sworn testimony.

Not what I think.

What I think don't count.

You're the jury.

It's your job to decide who's telling the truth.

Truth--that's what verdict means.

It's a word comes down from old England

and all our little old ancestors.

Now, we're going to be asking you to return a verdict

of murder in the first degree

for William Gambini

and a verdict of accessory to murder

in the first degree

for Stanley Rothenstein

for helping Gambini commit this heinous crime.

Counselor,

you wish to make an opening statement?

Counselor!

[Snoring]

What?

It's time to make your opening statement.

Come on, Vin.

Uh...

everything that guy just said is bullshit.

Thank you.

Objection, Your Honor.

Counsel's entire opening statement is argument.

Objection sustained.

The entire opening statement with the exception of "thank you"

will be stricken from the record.

The jury will please disregard

counsel's entire opening statement.

And you, Mr. Gambini,

you'll not use that kind of language in my court. You understand?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Putz.

Counselor.

Your statement, sir.

Well, now...

Uh, ladies and gentlemen of the j-j-j...

of--of--of the j-j-j--

Ahem!

Jury! Um...

on--on...

on--on...

on...

January f....

4th of this year, my client did indeed,

uh, visit the Sac-O-Suds co--um...

con--um...

um...uh...

uh...c...

convenience store.

But--But!

He didn't, uh...

[Snorts]

kill anyone.

He--He, uh...um...

uh...

ahh!

We--We intend to prove

that the p--

p-p-p-p...

prosecution's case is circumstantial and--and--and--

ohh...

uh...

coincidental.

Thank you.

That's it?

What about everything we talked about?

I get a little nervous.

A little nervous?

I'm getting better.

I heard a gunshot,

so I looked out the window,

and I seen them two boys run out,

get into their car, and drive off like maniacs.

The tires screeching, smoking, going off on the curb.

Is this the car?

Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir.

No further questions, Your Honor.

[Judge] Your witness.

All right.

Mr., uh...

T-T-T-T-T...

uh...

uh...

uh, Tipton.

[Snorts]

Now, when you viewed my client,

how--how--how far away were you?

About 50 feet.

Do you think that's close enough

to make an accurate, uh, i...

i-i...

identification?

Yes.

[Snorts]

Mr. Tipton, I see you wear eyeglasses.

Sometimes.

Would you care to show those eyeglasses to the jury?

Thank you. Now,

Mr. Tipton, were you wearing them that day?

No.

Ha! You see, you were 50 feet away.

You made a positive eyewitness identification

and--and--and-- and--and--and...

yet...you were not wearing your necessary prescription eyeglasses.

They're reading glasses.

Uh...

well...

um...Mr., uh--uh...

uh...

uh...

could you tell the court

what color eyes the de-defendants have?

Brown.

Hazel green.

No more questions.

Mr. Gambini, your witness.

Ahh! He's a tough one.

Yes.

Mr. Tipton, when you viewed the defendants

walking from their car into the Sac-O-Suds,

what angle was your point of view?

They was kind of walking toward me

when they entered the store.

And when they left, what was your point of view?

They was kind of walking away from me.

So you got a better shot of them going in

and not so much coming out?

You could say that.

I did say that. Would you say that?

Yeah.

Is it possible the two youts--

Uh, two what?

What was that word?

Uh, what word?

Two what?

What?

Did you say youts?

Yeah, two youts.

What is a yout?

Oh, excuse me, Your Honor.

Two youths.

Is it possible the two defendants

entered the store, picked 22 specific items off the shelves,

had the clerk take money, make change,

then leave?

Then two different men drive up in a similar--

Don't shake your head. I'm not done yet.

Wait till you hear the whole thing.

Two different men drive up in a similar-looking car,

go in, shoot the clerk,

rob him, and then leave?

No. They didn't have enough time.

How much time was they in the store?

Five minutes.

Are you sure? Did you look at your watch?

Oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier

that the boys went into the store,

you'd just begun to make breakfast,

you were ready to eat, and you heard a gunshot.

So, obviously, it takes you five minutes to make breakfast.

That's right.

Do you remember what you had?

Eggs and grits.

Eggs and grits.

I like grits, too.

How do you cook yours?

Regular, creamy, or al dente?

Just regular, I guess.

Regular.

Instant grits?

No self-respecting Southerner uses instant grits.

I take pride in my grits.

So, Mr. Tipton,

how could it take you five minutes

to cook your grits

when it takes the entire grit-eating world

20 minutes?

I don't know. I'm a fast cook, I guess.

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you.

Did you say you're a fast cook? That's it?

Are we to believe that boiling water soaks into a grit

faster in your kitchen

than anyplace on the face of the earth?

I don't know.

Well, perhaps the laws of physics cease to exist on your stove.

Were these magic grits?

Did you buy them from the same guy

who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

Objection!

Objection sustained. Ignore the question.

Are you sure about that five minutes?

I don't know.

You've made your point.

Are you sure about that five minutes?

I may have been mistaken.

I got no more use for this guy.

[Smattering Of Applause]

You're fired.

I want him.

Come on, now. Move it.

Don't worry. I'll find a way to bail you out.

Don't. I'll stay in prison tonight.

Maybe I'll finally get some sleep.

[Yelling And Banging On Bars]

[Siren]

[Whistle Blows]

[Yelling]

Hey. How you doing?

Hey, Mr. Crane, what are these pictures of?

My house and stuff.

House and stuff.

And what is this brown stuff on the windows?

Dirt.

Dirt.

What is this rusty,

dusty, dirty-looking thing over your window?

It's a screen.

A screen!

It's a screen.

And what are these really big things

right in the middle of your view

from the window of your kitchen to the Sac-O-Suds?

What do we call these big things?

Trees?

Trees, that's right.

You shout them right out when you know.

Now, what are these thousands of little things

that are on trees?

Leaves.

Leaves!

[Chuckling]

And these bushy things between the trees?

Bushes.

Bushes. Right.

So, Mr. Crane,

you could positively identify the defendants

for a moment of two seconds

looking through this dirty window,

this crud-covered screen...

these trees...

with all these leaves on them...

and I don't know how many bushes.

There's, like, five.

Uh-uh. Don't forget this one and this one.

Seven bushes.

Seven bushes. So...

what do you think?

Is it possible you just saw two guys in a green convertible

and not necessarily these two particular guys?

I suppose.

I'm finished with this guy.

Mrs. Riley, when you saw the defendants,

were you wearing your glasses?

Yes, I was.

Over here, dear.

Would you mind putting your glasses on

for us, please?

Whoa!

How long you been wearing glasses?

Since I was 6.

Have they always been that thick?

Oh, no. They got thicker over the years.

So, as your eyes have gotten more and more out of whack

as you've gotten older,

how many levels of thickness have you gone through?

Oh, I don't know.

Over 60 years... maybe 10 times.

Maybe you're ready for a thicker set.

Oh, no. No, I think they're OK.

Maybe we should make sure.

Let's check it out.

Now, how far were the defendants from you

when you saw them entering the Sac-O-Suds?

About...100 feet.

100 feet. Would you hold this, please?

Thank you.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Sorry.

OK.

This is 50 feet.

That's half the distance.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Let the record show

that counsel's holding up two fingers.

Your Honor, please, huh?

Oh.

Sorry.

Now...Mrs. Riley,

and only Mrs. Riley...

how many fingers am I holding up now?

Four.

What do you think now, dear?

I'm thinking of getting thicker glasses.

[Vinny] Thank you.

[Telephone Rings]

Hello.

You did good today, Yankee.

I like the competition.

You like competition, too?

Makes things kind of fun, doesn't it?

I'm enjoying myself so far.

Well, I got a little surprise for you tomorrow.

What? You know you have to disclose all your evidence.

I just got it myself tonight.

I'll disclose it first thing tomorrow.

Judge's going to have to admit it.

Should I be worried?

I sure would be if I were you.

Honey, where did you read about all that disclosure shit?

Let me show you.

Why?

I'm a special automotive instructor of forensic studies

for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

How long you been in that position?

18 years.

Your Honor, may we approach the bench?

[Judge] If you wish.

Ahem. I object to this witness

being called at this time.

We've been given no prior notice he'd testify,

no discovery of tests conducted,

or reports he's prepared.

As the court is aware, the defense is entitled

to advance notice of any witness,

particularly those who will give scientific evidence,

so we can prepare for cross-examination

as well as have the report reviewed by a defense expert

who might then be able

to contradict the veracity of his conclusions.

Mr. Gambini, that is a lucid, intelligent,

well-thought out objection.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Overruled.

Now...

Mr. Wilbur.

These are photos of tires belonging to the defendants' car.

And these are photos of the tire marks

left by the assailants' car as it fled the convenience store.

Are you familiar with these?

Yes, I am.

Could you elaborate, please, sir?

We compared the tire marks outside the convenience store

with the rear tires of the defendants' car.

They're the same model and size tire.

Michelin model XGV, size 75-R, 14-inch wheel.

They're the same size

and model tire.

Anything else, sir?

Yes, indeed.

The car, leaving the convenience store,

spun its rear tires dramatically

and left a residue of rubber on the asphalt.

I analyzed a sample of that rubber.

I also took a sample of rubber from the rear tires

from the defendants' Buick

and analyzed that, too.

What equipment did you use to find this out?

A Hewlett-Packard 5710A dual column gas chromatograph

with flame analyzation detectors.

Uh-huh.

Is that thing turbo-charged?

Only on the floor models.

Now, Mr. Wilbur,

what was the result of your analysis?

The chemical composition between the two samples

was found to be identical.

I...dentical!

No further questions, Your Honor.

Your Honor.

[Trotter] Thank you, Mr. Wilbur.

The court will take a 60-minute recess for lunch.

I respectfully request a full day's continuance

to go over all this sh--stuff.

Request denied.

Thanks a lot.

Mr. Gambini.

Yes, sir.

I'd like to speak to you in my chambers.

[Judge] You're a dead man.

I'm a dead man?

That's right. I just faxed New York

and asked them what they knew about Jerry Gallo.

You know what they replied?

Did you say Jerry Gallo?

I did.

Gallo with a "G"? Jerry Gallo's dead.

I'm aware of that.

Well, I'm not Jerry Gallo.

I'm Jerry Callo!

C-A-L-L-O.

All right.

All right.

Let's get this cleared up right now.

Hello. This is Judge Chamberlain Haller.

Can I speak to the clerk?

OK, I'll be here.

He's going to call back after 3:00.

That gives you a stay of execution...

Unless by some miracle

you happen to win this case in the next 90 minutes.

Why don't you go to lunch?

Thanks.

I got my pictures back.

Oh, good.

What did the judge say?

He said he found out that Gallo's dead.

He found out.

What'd he say?

Lisa, I'm trying to think about the case now, OK?

I'm sorry.

Can I help?

Can I help? No, you can't help.

I wish you could, but you can't.

Look how you're looking at me.

What's that look supposed to mean?

I'm a piece of shit

Cause I can't figure out how you can help?

OK. You're helping.

We'll use your pictures.

Ah!

These are--I'm sorry. These are going to help.

I should have looked at these before.

This is our first hotel room.

That'll intimidate Trotter.

One of me from behind.

And I didn't think I could feel worse

than I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you.

Good one of the tire marks.

Could we get any farther away?

You shoot this from up in a tree?

What's this?

It's dog shit.

Dog shit! That's great!

Dog shit. What a clue!

Why didn't I think of that?

One of me reading. Terrific.

I should've asked you sooner for these pictures.

Holy shit!

You got it, honey.

You did it!

The case-cracker! Me in the shower!

Ha ha! I love this.

That's it!

That is it!

I'm out of here.

Lisa!

Lisa!

I'm sorry.

Fuck.

I know I'm missing something.

I'm missing something.

Did you find anything?

Very, very little.

Something?

Nothing.

Is it possible that two separate cars

could be driving on Michelin model XGV 75-R-14s?

Of course.

Let me ask you this.

What's the best-selling single model tire

being sold in the United States today?

The Michelin XGV.

And what's the most popular size?

75-R-14.

The same size as on the defendants' car?

But two faded green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles?

Excuse me.

What I'm asking you

is if the most popular size

of the most popular tire

is on the defendants' car.

Well...

yeah.

Yes.

Um...

thank you.

No further questions.

Uh, the witness can stand down.

Counsel?

Uh, Your Honor, the prosecution rests.

Mr. Gambini...

your first witness.

Mr. Gambini?

I will ask you one more time

and one more time only.

If I ask you again--

Your Honor, uh...

please, uh, can I have a five-minute recess?

My next witness is not in the courtroom now.

Three minutes.

No more.

Sheriff, do me a favor.

Please trace this.

It's not my job.

You do your own investigating.

I only have three minutes.

Lisa, listen.

Please, I'm sorry, OK?

I need you to come back into the courtroom,

and I need the phone.

Come on now. Stop it. I need the phone.

Let's make up.

We got to go back inside.

Everybody's waiting for us.

Shut up.

Give me this phone.

Fuck you!

What is it with you with that mouth?

Mr. Gambini?

Yeah. How are you?

Tell me why.

Lisa, I need your help.

I don't give a shit. Leave me alone.

Come on. I found it. You'll see.

Aah!

Your Honor, the defense calls

as its first witness Ms. Mona Lisa Vito.

I object, Your Honor.

This person is not on the witness list.

This witness is a expert on automobiles

and is being called

to rebut the testimony of George Wilbur.

Your Honor, would you please instruct the bailiff

to escort Ms. Vito to the witness stand?

Hold up your right hand.

Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Yeah.

Ms. Vito...

uh, you're supposed to be some kind of expert

in automobiles, is that correct?

Is that correct?

Would you please answer

the counselor's question?

No. I hate him.

May I have permission

to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?

You think I'm hostile now,

wait till tonight.

Uh, do you two know each other?

Yeah, she's my fiancée.

Well, that would certainly explain the hostility.

Your Honor, I object to this witness.

Improper foundation.

I'm not aware of her qualifications.

I'd like to, uh, voir dire this witness

as to the extent of her expertise.

Granted.

Mr. Trotter, you may proceed.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Ms. Vito, what's your current profession?

I'm an out-of-work hairdresser.

Out-of-work hairdresser.

Now, in what way does that qualify you

as an expert in automobiles?

It doesn't.

In what way are you qualified?

Well, my father was a mechanic.

His father was a mechanic.

My mother's father was a mechanic.

My three brothers are mechanics.

Four uncles on my father's side are mechanics.

Ms. Vito, your family's obviously qualified,

but, uh, have you ever worked as a mechanic?

Yeah, in my father's garage. Yeah.

As a mechanic?

What did you do in your father's garage?

Tune-ups, oil changes, brake relining,

engine rebuilds,

rebuilt some trannies, rear ends.

OK, OK, but does being an ex-mechanic

necessarily qualify you as being expert on tire marks?

No.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Sit down and stay there until you're told to leave.

Your Honor, Ms. Vito's expertise

is in general automotive knowledge.

It is in this area that her testimony will be applicable.

If Mr. Trotter wishes to voir dire the witness

as to the extent of her expertise in this area,

I'm sure he's going to be more than satisfied.

OK.

All right.

All right.

Now, uh, Ms...Vito?

Being an expert on general automotive knowledge...

can you tell me

what would the correct ignition timing be

on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet

with a 327-cubic inch engine

and a four-barrel carburetor?

That's a bullshit question.

Does that mean that you can't answer it?

It's a bullshit question.

It's impossible to answer.

Impossible because you don't know the answer!

Nobody could answer that.

Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito

as an expert witness.

Can you answer the question?

No. It is a trick question.

Why is it a trick question?

Watch this.

Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55.

The 327 came out in '62.

It wasn't offered in the Bel Air

with the four-barrel carb till '64.

However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing

would be 4 degrees before top dead center.

Well...

uh...

she's acceptable, Your Honor.

Your Honor, this is a picture taken by my fiancée

outside the Sac-O-Suds.

Do we agree on this?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I'd like to submit this picture

of the tire tracks as evidence.

Mr. Trotter?

No objection, Your Honor.

Ms. Vito, did you take this picture?

You know I did.

What is this picture of?

You know what it's of.

Ms. Vito...

it has been argued by me, the defense,

that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds

at the same time

driving identical

metallic mint-green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles.

Can you tell us by what you see in this picture

if the defense's case holds water?

Ms. Vito, please answer the question.

Does the defense's case hold water?

No.

The defense is wrong.

Oh, Jesus.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

How could you be so sure?

Because there is no way these tire marks

were made by a '64 Buick Skylark.

These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

Objection, Your Honor. Can we clarify to the court

whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?

This is your opinion?

It's a fact.

I find it hard to believe

that this kind of information

could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!

Would you like me to explain?

I would love to hear this.

So would I.

the car that made these two equal-length tire marks had positraction.

You can't make those marks without positraction,

which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark.

And why not?

What is positraction?

It's a limited slip differential

which distributes Power equally

to both the right and left tires.

The '64 Skylark had a regular differential,

which anyone who's been stuck in the mud knows,

you step on the gas,

one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.

Is that it?

No. There's more.

See? The left tire mark goes up on the curb

and the right tire mark stays flat and even.

Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle,

so when the left tire went on the curb,

the right tire would tilt out

and ride along its edge.

But that didn't happen.

The tire marks stayed flat and even.

This car had an independent rear suspension.

In the sixties, there were two other American-made cars

that had positraction and independent rear suspension

and enough power to make these marks.

One was the corvette

which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark.

The other had the same body length,

height, width, weight, wheel base,

and wheel track as the '64 Skylark,

and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

And because both cars were made by GM,

Were both cars available

in metallic mint-green paint?

They were.

Thank you, Ms. Vito.

No more questions.

Thank you very, very much.

You've been a lovely...

lovely....

witness.

Uh, Mr. Trotter,

would you like to question Ms. Vito?

Mr. Trotter?

Mr. Trotter!

Uh...

oh, uh, no.

No, no, Your Honor, no further questions.

In that case, Your Honor,

I'd like to recall George Wilbur.

Ms. Vito, uh, you can stand down.

You realize you're still under oath?

Yes, sir.

Uh, Mr. Wilbur,

How did you like, uh, Ms. Vito's testimony?

Very impressive.

She's cute, too, huh?

Yes, very.

[ Laughter]

[Judge] Mr. Gambini?

Sorry. Sorry, Your Honor.

Uh, Mr. Wilbur,

in your expert opinion,

would you say that everything Ms. Vito said on the stand

was 100% accurate?

I'd have to say that.

Is there any way in the world

the Buick that the defendants were driving

made those tire tracks?

Come on. You could say. It's OK. They know.

Actually...

no.

No. Thank you. No more questions.

Your Honor, I call Sheriff Farley.

You may stand down now, Mr. Wilbur.

Sheriff, you realize you're still under oath?

Yes, sir.

Uh, Sheriff Farley,

um...

what did you find out?

On a hunch, I took it upon myself

to see if there was any information

on a '63 Pontiac Tempest

stolen or abandoned recently.

This computer readout confirms

that two boys who fit the defendants' description

were arrested two days ago

by Sheriff Tilman in Jasper County, Georgia,

for driving a stolen metallic mint-green 1963 Pontiac Tempest

with a white convertible top

and Michelin model XGV tires,

size 75-R-14.

Is that it?

No.

A.357 magnum revolver was found in their possession.

- Oh! - Oh!

Uh, Sheriff Farley,

just to refresh the court's memory,

what caliber bullet was used to murder Jimmy Willis?

.357 magnum.

The defense rests.

Mr. Trotter?

Your Honor...

in light of Ms. Vito's

and Mr. Wilbur’s testimony,

the state would like to dismiss all charges.

Yes!

Aah!

All right!

Yeah!

Order in the court!

Yeah! Yeah!

Order here.

Have to get out of here by 3:00.

Make sure the bags are in the car.

I'm sorry to have ever doubted you.

For this, I apologize.

Under the circumstances...

you were great.

I just wanted to say thank you.

You're welcome.

I hope we can do it again sometime.

Fine job, Mr. Gambini.

Thanks.

Y'all come back and see us.

I'll see you.

Vin.

Bill.

You're welcome. You're welcome.

Vin, I...

Bill, listen.

Take your time. Pick the right words.

Get back to New York. Give me a call.

Thank you.

OK.

Vinny, you did a terrific job.

Thanks. Thanks.

You got an open invitation

anytime you want to come down here.

We'll get us a deer next time.

If I don't leave now,

I might never be able to leave.

Mr. Gambini, I have a fax here

from the clerk of New York.

I owe you an apology, sir.

I'm honored to shake your hand.

Win some, lose some.

Your courtroom manner

may be rather unconventional,

but I got to tell you,

you're one hell of a trial lawyer.

Thank you, and, uh,

you're one hell of a judge.

Oh, sorry.

Bye, now.

Bye.

Bye.

What the hell was that all about back there?

I had a friend send a fax to the judge

confirming the very impressive legal stature of Jerry Callo.

What friends you got in the Clerk's Office?

Your friend.

My friend?

Judge Malloy.

So what's your problem?

My problem is I wanted to win my first case

without any help from anybody.

Well, I guess that plan's moot.

Yeah.

You know, this could be a sign of things to come.

You win all your cases,

but with somebody else's help, right?

You win case after case,

and then afterwards, you have to go up to somebody,

and you have to say thank you.

Oh, my God!

What a fucking nightmare!

I won my first case.

You know what this means.

You think I'll marry you.

What, you're not going to marry me now?

No way. You can't win a case by yourself.

You're fucking useless.

I thought we'd get married this weekend.

You don't get it, do you?

That is not romantic.

I want a wedding in church

with bridesmaids and flowers.

Oh, how many times

did you say that spontaneous is romantic?

Hey, a burp is spontaneous.

A burp is not romantic.

Know what, Lisa?

What's the matter with you anyway?

♪ Well, he was a New York attorney ♪

♪ About to take a Southern journey ♪

♪ Into places that he'd never been ♪

♪ She was a brunette out of Brooklyn ♪

♪ Fast-talkin' and good-lookin' ♪

♪ With a body that was made for sin ♪

♪ And she wanted him for marriage ♪

♪ 'Cause the torch that she carried ♪

♪ Was hotter than the fires of hell ♪

♪ But he said he didn't need her ♪

♪ Still she followed him down deep ♪

♪ Into the buckle of the Bible Belt ♪

♪ She begged, and she pleaded ♪

♪ And she told him all she needed ♪

♪ Was a little tender love and care ♪

♪ But he was wrapped up in his work ♪

♪ And actin' like a jerk ♪

♪ By pretending that she wasn't there ♪

♪ But her heart was love-stricken ♪

♪ So she never thought of quittin' ♪

♪ Or givin' up on how she felt ♪

♪ She had plans to seduce him ♪

♪ If she could, she would loosen ♪

♪ A notch in the Bible Belt ♪

♪ There's a lot of good people ♪

♪ Who are led astray ♪

♪ That believe true love is dead ♪

♪ But I'll tell you somethin', brother ♪

♪ When you're dealin' with your feelin's ♪

♪ It's tough to keep a level head ♪

♪ And it's hard to imagine ♪

♪ how the flames of passion ♪

♪ Will burn till your soul will melt ♪

♪ And it'll spread like a cancer ♪

♪ Till you're gonna have to answer ♪

♪ To your heart in the Bible Belt ♪

♪ Yeah, hey ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Ooh whoo ♪

♪ Hoo ♪

♪ Well, no matter who you are ♪

♪ If you're a peasant or a star ♪

♪ There's a need for love in every man ♪

♪ And he found that pretty soon ♪

♪ Underneath the Southern moon ♪

♪ When she finally made him understand ♪

♪ That every man's got his pride ♪

♪ And he'll try to run and hide ♪

♪ From emotions that his heart has felt ♪

♪ So he gave her love a chance ♪

♪ That's when he found romance ♪

♪ In the heart of the Bible Belt ♪

♪ Yeah, there's a lot of good people ♪

♪ That are led astray ♪

♪ That believe true love is dead ♪

♪ But I'll tell you somethin', brother ♪

♪ When you're dealin' with your feelin's ♪

♪ It's tough to keep a level head ♪

♪ And it's hard to imagine ♪

♪ How the flames of passion ♪

♪ Will burn until your soul will melt ♪

♪ And it'll spread like a cancer ♪

♪ But you're gonna have to answer ♪

♪ To your heart in the Bible Belt ♪

♪ Yeah, hey ♪

♪ Come on ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Ooh whoo ♪

♪ Hoo ♪

♪ Well, no matter who you are ♪

♪ If you're a peasant or a star ♪

♪ There's a need for love in every man ♪

♪ And he found that pretty soon ♪

♪ Underneath the Southern moon ♪

♪ When she finally made him understand ♪

♪ That every man's got his pride ♪

♪ And he'll try to run and hide ♪

♪ From emotions that his heart has felt ♪

♪ So he gave her love a chance ♪

♪ That's when he found romance ♪

♪ In the heart of the Bible Belt ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ There's a lot of good people ♪

♪ That are led astray ♪

♪ That believe true love is dead ♪

♪ But I'll tell you somethin', brother ♪

♪ When you're dealin' with your feelin's ♪

♪ It's tough to keep a level head ♪

♪ And it's hard to imagine ♪

♪ How the flames of passion ♪

♪ Will burn until your soul will melt ♪

♪ They better get their heads together ♪

♪ Or their gonna slap leather ♪

♪ With their heart in the Bible Belt ♪

♪ Yeah lord ♪ ♪

Amen, brother.