Original subtitles

...

Mom, if you're going to order like that,

I'm not gonna take you to my favorite bagel place anymore.

Oh, what's the big deal?

I don't want both sides toasted,

so I order a nice, cool bottom with a piping hot top.

Speaking of a hot top, that's mine.

What? No.

I've had this thing forever.

No, look, look, there is a mustard stain on the elbow.

And the tag is still on it in case I could return it

without them noticing the elbow.

Well, that's what's been sticking me.

There, that's better.

Okay, Mom, you cannot just wear my clothes

whenever you want.

Well, you can't blame me.

If your apartment was bigger,

we wouldn't have to share a closet.

You're right. It's my fault.

How can I expect you to recognize your own clothing

in such a small space?

I forgive you, my dear.

But the good news is,

I think it looks best on me, don't you?

I'm just the accountant.

Hey, hey.

My eyes are up here.

And if you'll excuse me, I have a stain to get out.

Oh, my God. Hand me that lemon.

Hand me the lemon!

That's better.

You know, if I knew Val when I was studying narcissism,

I could have brought her in for extra credit.

Ironically, the first thing you think of

is how a narcissist could have helped you.

Hey, can you take care of this for me?

The property taxes on Daddy's house are due again.

Bobbie, as your accountant, I have to say,

you either have to sell that house

or don't tell me and burn it down for the insurance money.

I can't believe you haven't sold that yet.

We cleaned it out over a month ago.

Remember?

I moved stuff while you looked through stuff.

It's on the market.

I'm just waiting on the right person to make an offer.

You know who's the right person?

The one who makes an offer.

Just take care of that, please.

Looks like someone could use some help

dealing with their feelings.

No, thanks.

I'll talk about it with a real therapist.

Hey.

My eyes are up here.

♪ Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight ♪

♪ To get through the day ♪

♪ And sleep on through the night ♪

♪ But here you'll find a place ♪

♪ That'll surely lift your spirits ♪

♪ You belong at Happy's Place ♪

Ooh, that's a nice gift basket.

I didn't know we knew any classy people.

It's from a family who wants the house,

like I'm some good-time Sally they can just buy with popcorn.

Uh, I think they meant it as a nice gesture.

Oh, really?

Well, it just so happens that popcorn gives me gas.

What do you think about that now, huh?

I think that you're having a hard time

picturing someone else living in Happy's house,

that they'll replace all your memories

with ones of their own.

Oh, my gosh, you've solved the problem.

I'm cured.

You can go now.

I'm just saying, I know this is hard.

Yeah, it is.

I think I could let the house go

if I knew that the people living there were gonna fill it

with love and happiness.

Hey.

Steve told me that you haven't sold Happy's house yet.

Well, congratulations.

I have your buyer.

I don't like where this is going.

- My mom. - And it just got worse.

She's got money.

She says she screwed Dad in the divorce.

Which normally would bother me,

but I have got to get her out of my apartment.

I thought she was staying with you so the two of you

could work on your relationship.

Yeah, well, we can't work on our mother-daughter issues

if we're working on roommate issues.

Like how I hate the sound of her chewing,

which is even worse when she's eating.

I mean, who can chew milk?

I don't think this is a good idea, Gabby.

No, please, Bobbie.

Please, I am desperate.

We just need a little space between us.

I think she'd be easier to take if she was half a city away

and not attached to me like a barnacle

with chardonnay breath.

Barnacles actually try to support

the ecosystems they're attached to, you know,

like coral reefs and--

I'll be quiet now.

Huh? Hmm?

Okay, I'll let her look at the house.

But I can't promise anything.

Okay. Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ah, freedom!

Uh, Val doesn't sound like the buyer you were looking for.

What was I supposed to do?

You saw how important that is to Gabby.

Maybe Val won't like it.

Are you kidding?

The house is quaint, charming, and homey.

She'll hate it!

So you're going to let Val be the villain?

You mean, am I gonna let Val be Val?

Yup.

Takoda, can you cover the kitchen

tomorrow night at dinner?

I've got a, uh, thing.

- No problem. - Appreciate it.

A thing?

Emmett doesn't have things.

I bet this is his date with Monica.

Oh, I don't know if we're ready.

We?

This is your date with Monica, isn't it?

Isn't it? - What about it?

Okay.

I wish we had more time, but I guess we'll have to work fast.

I'll bring you back a doggie bag, but you can't come.

Okay, there's a men's store in Kingston Pike

where we can get almost everything,

but we'll have to make the alterations overnight,

so expect to pay extra for that.

So while I'm there, you can go to Italy

and buy me some custom-made shoes.

It's a long flight, so you should leave now.

Emmett, what you wear tomorrow is important.

Haven't you heard the expression,

clothes make the man?

Yeah, and I'm pretty sure it was invented

by a man who made clothes.

I'm trying to help you.

So tell me, what are you planning on wearing?

Uh, this?

And I might take the apron off.

I forbid it.

You forbid it?

Let me take you shopping.

Let's at least get you a decent top.

Steve, I have lived my entire life

without buying "a top," so.

Don't worry about me, all right?

Nobody pays attention to clothes.

Don't listen to the bad man.

...

Come on in.

Well, are you sure we're okay

to leave the car parked out here?

Of course, Mom.

It's an adorable little street.

Next to a "community garden"?

I think we all know what that means.

Willie Nelson's bus'll be pulling up twice a week.

Well, I hope you like the house

better than you like the neighborhood.

I hope so, too, Bobbie.

Thank you.

Well, let's get this tour started.

This is the living room.

Wow. Mom, look at all of this space.

It is quite big.

The tip of the tongue, lips, and teeth.

The tip of the tongue, lips, and teeth.

What are you doing?

I'm checking the room's resonance.

- And? - It's very bad.

Yeah, most of the rooms don't resonate right.

That's why we've had trouble selling the place.

Plus, it's drafty.

You know, which is something you can easily fix,

right, Bobbie?

Oh, absolutely.

We used to just roll up a towel

and stick it underneath the front door.

Well, if it's good enough for a frat house.

There you go.

Hey, Mom.

Mom, look at this beautiful built-in bookshelf.

Oh.

It'd be perfect to display your decorative bowls.

And my Belleek vases would look lovely here as well.

Hmm.

Well, there used to be more shelves,

but the termites decided we didn't need that top one.

Uh, termites?

Well, we'll get to put up one of those big, fun tents, huh?

Hey, Mom, why don't you go check out the kitchen, okay?

I hope, at the very least, there's decent natural light.

Be prepared to be disappointed.

Hey, Bobbie, why are you being so honest

about everything that is wrong with the house?

Well, I'm sorry, but as a responsible seller,

I need to give her all the information.

It's my mother.

If she's not bound by the truth, why should you be?

Bobbie, is this cutting board built right into the counter?

Yes, it is, super convenient--

and impossible to clean.

Hello, everyone.

What the hell is this?

I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

Why are you dressed like me?

How could you notice how I'm dressed...

When nobody pays attention to clothes?

You know, if you put him on your lap,

you two could do a ventriloquist act.

Emmett, people do notice clothes.

Monica definitely will.

Knock it off.

I'm already nervous enough about this date.

You didn't seem nervous before.

I was lying.

Hold on--I thought you were ready

to put yourself out there.

Well, I'm not.

I mean, I know who I am here,

and I know who I am at the fishing shack

and a football game.

The problem is, I don't know who I am out there.

You be yourself.

Emmett, to me, clothes are a shield

I get to put on before I face the world.

The right turtleneck sweater can change my mood from

"life is a hellish carnival" to

"maybe being human isn't so bad."

That's one hell of a sweater.

It's not the sweater.

It's the confidence it gives me.

And that's what I was trying to give you.

But the most important thing, Emmett,

is that you feel like yourself because you are magnificent.

Hey, Emmett, Takoda,

Emmett.

Oh, and you're welcome to keep the rug.

We only bought it to hide the water damage.

You should have bought something to hide the rug.

Well, I could tell you just to buy another one, Mom,

but I'm sure there's a reason that's stupid.

People will still know that what's underneath is flawed.

Wearing a pretty dress didn't get you invited to prom,

did it?

There it is.

Okay, well, have you seen all you need to see?

- I think I have. - Okay.

Don't feel like you need to spare my feelings.

These older homes aren't right for everyone.

An old home?

I should have put her in an old home.

Come on, Mom, back to hell.

Wait, wait, wait.

With my follow-through and attention for detail,

this is the perfect home for me.

Congratulations, I'd like to buy it.

Hallelujah!

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

Did I tell you we have rats?

You can't even get a cat because the rats will kill it.

I never met a rat I couldn't drive away.

It's true. All animals, really.

What about the flooring and all the water stains

and all the other things that made you go, ugh?

I love a project.

And this house has great bones.

All I have to do is get rid of the old skin and the organs.

Organs? You mean, like the heart?

Speaking of hearts, mine is bursting with joy.

But I'll start with the backyard.

It's a complete do-over.

I mean, that ramshackle shed has to go.

That shed is where my mama made her pottery.

Ah, my Belleek vases are pottery.

I'm pretty sure your mother was just playing with clay.

Oh, Mom, you are hilarious.

Look at her, already filling this place with laughter.

That shed is where my mama made things out of love.

And I'll be goat of thunder if I'm gonna let

a cold, heartless woman tear it down!

Excuse me?

Bobbie, please.

I'm sorry, Gabby.

Sale is off.

Well, you know how I hate to criticize anyone.

But your friend is an awful person.

...

I thought you said popcorn gives you gas.

It does.

I'm punishing myself.

Okay.

Except in a way, you'll be punishing me too.

I feel terrible.

You should have seen Gabby's face

when I told her I wasn't gonna sell

Daddy's house to her mother.

I'm sure she understands.

She knows how hard it is for you to let go of Happy's house.

It's not just Daddy's house.

If anything, it's more Mama's house.

Oh.

So this is about your mother.

Everyone forgets about her,

like she didn't matter, but she did.

She mattered a lot.

Do you wanna tell me about her?

What was she like?

Well, Daddy had the personality,

but Mama was the glue.

She filled our house with love

and made it a home.

That's why you haven't been able to sell.

You know, you have the tavern to keep Happy alive for you,

but the house is where you remember your mother.

Well, I never thought about it like that, but yeah.

And you want it to be filled with love and happiness

the way she always did.

And don't get me wrong, we had our share of fights.

Some of them were doozies.

I mean, you've met me. Imagine me as a teenager.

Yeah, Red Thunder on steroids.

I don't like that.

Right. Sorry.

The point is, Mama never let anybody leave the house

until they talked it out.

She always said that you can't fix a problem

unless you're in the same room with it.

Well, let me ask you this.

Who would your mom want to have the house?

The perfect family or the family that

needed a place to fix their problems?

Perfect family.

I know that's not right, but I wanted to give it a shot.

You heard anything from Emmett about the date?

No.

And I'm sick about it, sick and nervous.

Sick, nervous, and worried, and filled with regret.

Sick, nervous, worried, filled with regret and sad and--

Steve!

So the answer's no.

Emmett, you are beautiful.

Looking sharp, my brother.

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.

Nobody's laughing. You look fantastic.

So how'd it go?

Well, I'll be honest, I felt silly at first.

I kept waiting for her to ask,

but why the hell are you dressed like that?

If she had asked that,

I would have fought her for you.

But I felt good.

I might even say I felt handsome.

So are you two going to go out again?

Yeah, well, that didn't come up,

so maybe it didn't go so well on her side.

How could it not?

You're a goateed fox.

Is it from Monica? Tell us.

Tell us!

"Most fun I've had in a long time.

Can't wait for my next date

with the best-dressed man in Knoxville."

The goateed fox scores!

As a dear friend of mine once said,

clothes make the man.

...

Well, I have to say something.

When you drive fast, it reflects poorly on me.

Yes, but the ride ends much sooner.

Someday, you'll be speeding, have a horrible car crash,

end up under a truck,

and then what man will want you?

I think I swallowed a crown.

Hey, Bobbie.

Gabby.

Val.

Hello.

Well, I was thinking about what I said yesterday, and...

Val, if I was rude, I'm sorry.

No, that's all right.

And you were.

Mm-hmm.

But I'm not the one who has to live with your guilt.

Listen, I might be willing to sell you the house--

Really? Done. Get the papers.

On one condition.

Oh, Bobbie, I have to stop you right there.

I can't agree not to change a lot of things.

And I know your parents meant well,

but I can't let people think

I did this.

This house held our family together,

and I think Mama would wanna pass that on.

Great. All right.

Should I get a lawyer, or will a handshake do?

What--what exactly are you saying, Bobbie?

Okay, I'm willing to sell the house to you

if you agree that you and Gabby live here together.

Like, with cameras?

For a reality TV show?

You know she doesn't show up on film.

Gabby, you wanted to deal with your issues

with your mother.

Issues?

What is she talking about?

I'll tell you later.

You two don't need to be in a place

where you're away from each other.

You need space, yes,

but you can't fix a problem

if you're not in the same room with it.

I'm sorry. I should be taking notes.

I didn't realize this was going to be a lecture.

That's the deal. Take it or leave it.

Well, what do you think, Mom?

It is a big place.

Three bedrooms, two bathrooms.

You won't have to wait to use one

while I finish quietly screaming.

Well, God knows I could never say no to my daughter.

You never said no to me?

Even when it hurt me.

A mother's pain begins with labor,

and it never really ends.

Please.

You said you had an epidural for conception.

I don't like that.

Bobbie, it's a yes.

Well, then, welcome to your new home.

And, Bobbie, I want you to know

that I will do everything in my power

to finally make this a home to be proud of.

Okay. Excuse me.

I need to go quietly scream in the bathroom.

So should we hug?

No, we did that last week.