Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

It has roasted well.

Dursun you are so lucky.

You can rebel against a whale with these blue pills.

I told you we would unite in this world my Fadime.

I held my end of the bargain, we united.

I want to grow old with you.

We are already old, how older can we possibly get?

Dursun...

...are you marrying me for love...

...or for logic?

Would I ever marry if I had logic?

Ours is a love marriage.

Dursun you won’t let your mother oppress me, right?

Do you think my mother is still alive? She might even reincarnate... Damn it.

Don’t you worry my Fadime...

...I will make sure to give you a magnificent life like Kosem Sultan’s.

I won’t let you do any housework.

I need to pee again.

Why don’t you pee all at once?

What am I supposed to do, get a ballcock? This is prostate, I go when it is time.

Don’t worry, I am holding it.

Dad, what the hell are we doing at this ceremony?

Dursun had come to my marriages, all seven of them. This is his first.

Was I supposed to ask him, "Dursun let’s have your wedding ceremony at our house?"

What is that in your hand?

This is a special gift for Dursun.

Little clustered pills fried in blue flour.

For God’s sake, are you going to kill him? What kind of a present is this?

Dude! To hell with his mixing. Scumbags!

What a pity!

Now, Dursun will look at this wife and she will stare back at him all night long.

They will read poetry to each other.

-Let the dog eat. -Fuck off.

Get out of here. You would never eat the bones I give you.

Dad, let him eat.

I am trying to pick some up.

It is better than nothing. Go!

-Let’s get going. -Why, what happened?

Don’t you see?

He is eating the blue pills, what do you think he is going to do?

Sing a folk song? He is going to jump on one of us for sure.

What kind of a man are you, dad?

Walk, run away. Run away, run!

Welcome president.

Thank you.

Uncle Dursun... Uncle Dursun.

Stop, stop.

What are you doing uncle Dursun?

-Slow down, slow down. -There is nothing wrong grandma.

-Come over here, sit down. -Sit over here.

Slowly. Stretch out your arm.

Leave me alone. I am fine.

I can squeeze water from a stone.

Why are you squeezing the stone?

I am here. I am like a rock.

-Squeeze me. -I will squeeze you as well Fadime.

Congratulations Dursun. Your enthusiasm will still be satisfied in this world.

May your turn come next.

Thanks for the praise.

-Hodja! -Dad!

-Uncle Ali Osman. -Yes?

Dad! Hold on for a sec.

Selamun aleykum my homie. -Aleykum selam.

What is this ammunition all about?

You are standing right in front of it.

Dude what is that?

You are like the İncirlik base.

What is going on? Are you afraid of something?

-What are you talking about? -I didn’t mean that.

Don’t run away, come here.

-Sorry my homie. -There you go homie.

Where is this ammunition?

Now...I mean...

Yes... What?

What was I going to say?

There is no deity but God.

What is going on with this ammunition?

Whenever I ask about it, something goes wrong.

To hell with you, man!

How can I make it to the wedding?

Hello my homie.

Where is this ammunition?

Ammunition? You have passed it.

-How far away am I? -50 metres away.

Are you kidding me? -Kidding? I will kick you in the head.

Don’t ask me about the ammunition. They have been driving me crazy over this.

OK. OK. I won’t say anything.

If I find the place, I will go there myself.

If they give her two more golden bracelets, she will collapse on the floor.

She is too old to be given this much jewellery.

Don’t interfere Hodja. I wouldn’t let anyone say I have a cheap husband.

What the hell is that? That bracelet looks like a horse shoe.

Do you think I am Abramovic, the president of Chelsea?

I am the president of a poor football club.

Which camera is taking pictures?

Here. Take it.

Take it, take it. Take the photo of my suffering.

Not everyone can afford this.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you very much president.

-I wish you well. -I wish you well.

-I wish you well. -Thank you brother Ahmet.

Mesut, I need to talk to you about something very important.

I will be waiting for you at the harbour right after the wedding.

What is going on brother Ahmet? Tell me now.

-I wish you well. -This is not the place.

I wish you well.

-I wish you well. -Thank you.

Why did we come to this wedding Ahmet?

Don’t hover Ümmiye. I have something on my mind.

Ahmet!

İlyas!

Come here, come.

Get up, get up.

I won’t sit with that ill-mannered Saime.

Stop being a drama queen Ümmiye. Come on, walk.

İlyas.

-Ahmet. -Ümmiye.

Saime.

Easy dude, easy!

Are you done with your military duty, Şaban?

Sit down.

-Ahmet welcome. -Thank you. Hello.

He is done with it. Now it is his turn for other duties.

You should have stayed in the military.

Actually, this idiot could have ruined the army.

Nur, I recognized you right away. You haven’t changed a bit.

How can I change in 2 years?

What is she saying?

She is not saying anything. She is just talking.

You haven’t changed a bit either.

Snotty Şaban.

What?

Close your mouth. A fly will get into it.

İdiot.

-Mother. -Yes, my son?

Look at her, she is gorgeous.

You can have her displayed and watch her all day long.

We will take her my son.

If you’d like to you can come over here, we can easily...

No, it is better like this.

Well done. This is the perfect spot to sit.

You are right behind the goal area.

I love sitting with these impolites.

Pick up your phone, I beg you.

Where are you Kadir?

Should I pour gasoline and set myself on fire to be recognized by you?

Pick up that phone!

Fuck this. This is called cell phone...

...you are supposed to have it with you at all times

instead of carrying it in your bag.

Those women...

I love the way you look at me.

I know you love me as well.

I will drink you like this lemonade.

Just say yes to me...

...I will feed you with bird’s milk and inhale you.

Uncle Ali Osman.

Now that you are here, let me hug you.

My coy gazelle, my sweet honey.

-Easy Kadir. -Girl, what is going on with you?

You don’t get close to me as if I have swine flu.

Do you dare to ask?

I am sick of this secret dates.

Do whatever you can to find a way for us to be together.

Do you think I have the solution for this?

I asked for your hand but your cruel father didn’t give you to me.

Don’t you remember he said "I’d rather give...

...my buttocks to the whole world than giving you my daughter."

I get you Kadir.

I see you clearly.

Your love is a lie.

Cut me some slack, I beg you.

Calm down. Let’s talk.

There is nothing left to talk about.

Nur... Wait up!

Come on guys, come on.

Uncle Dursun!

Uncle Dursun what are you doing?

What are you doing uncle Dursun?

You are shooting men as if they are fishes.

You are lucky. The bullet just scraped.

-Get well soon. -Thank you.

-What is going on Hodja? -No worries.

What do you mean no worries? The wedding started off with appetizers...

...went on with gold given and ended with a spree of bullets.

People will think they left a warzone rather than a wedding ceremony.

Grandpa Dursun, went on a shooting spree.

Look at us, we turned into a surgical ward.

-Excuse me doctor? -I am coming.

-Get well soon Hodja. -Thank you doctor.

Get well soon.

Where is the patient’s scan?

Why are you shouting out loud in front of everyone, doc?

People’s fault and devotions are confidential.

You can make a man feel ashamed.

You got it all wrong.

Bring me that scan.

Doctor, this is the scan.

I am so sorry doc. I really misunderstood...

You should have told me...

What kind of a name does this thing have?

People will be scared to get sick or even come to the hospital.

What kind of a name is scan?

Get well soon.

You...

...tell me, who are you?

Where did you work before?

My name is Recep. I worked with Yucesoys for 6 years.

You?

Sir, my name is Kemal Türksoy.

I have been a driver for 20 years.

A,B,C,D,E,F,G,V,Y,Z...

I have licences from every types.

You?

My name is Cemal Sandıkçı, I speak three languages.

I am also an experienced driver for the last 15 years.

You?

Tell me my son. What are you doing?

What have you done before?

I am İdris. Plain İdris.

I am İdris.

Plain İdris.

What are you saying?

All I am saying is that I am just Idris.

I don’t have an experience. But I have a colourful personality.

Well done. Start right away.

It is plain Idris, right?

I am getting used to your name.

I can’t call anyone Cemal or Kemal.

Alright Idris, you are hired.

Congratulations president, congratulations.

Miss Meryem.

Miss Meryem.

Miss Meryem.

She has sent the signal.

I knew you liked me.

I thought you were being reluctant.

I came to be yours...

...when I saw the door half open.

You are getting out of control uncle Ali Osman.

Get over here, don’t be shy.

There is no shame between husband and wife. Come.

What husband and wife? What husband and wife?

Miss Meryem, my heart stops when I see you.

Look, look... it is not beating.

It beats once then it stops. It beats once then it stops.

My engine has stopped.

Hotwire and start it.

Handle my hand break. Take me away.

-Where have you been Ahmet? -I had things to do.

What kind of things?

Ümmiye!

You think you are a man.

You are being rude.

What? You couldn’t be like the Hodja.

Didn’t you see how arrogant he was at the wedding now that he is a president?

Didn’t you see?

You were put aside like a salt shaker.

Don’t hover.

I am on the rampage.

Go to bed.

You don’t have a say in this room anymore Ahmet.

Hold it.

Hold it. Hold it.

Yes...

I made a reservation for you at "Hotel Living Room."

What are you saying Ümmiye?

I am saying ‘Good night.’

Come on.

Damn you Hodja...

I lost the boob because of you.

I will hold you responsible for it.

-Meryem I love you. -Don’t come into my house ever again.

-Come here, come! -Don’t do that.

-I will make you pay for trespassing. -Dear Meryem, please don’t.

-What is going on? -Hodja... Hodja...

Hodja your father is getting out of control.

He has come into my bed. I haven’t seen such a thing.

I haven’t showed her anything yet. What do you call it?

It was only a preview.

I will show you the full film when we get married.

God forbid.

Miss Meryem. Please don’t be reluctant. I know you love me as well.

Didn’t you make a gesture at the wedding?

Oh God. Get out Hodja. Get out of my way.

Miss Meryem. I am sorry for my father’s behaviour.

He is getting very old.

His jones are in bad shape and he can’t hold his pee anymore.

I promise you as a Hodja, he won’t get close to you without your permission.

-Promise? -Promise.

OK. We will see.

If the same thing ever happens again...

...I won’t forgive him. And that is Meryem’s promise.

Meryem, don’t you cry for me. I am yours.

Dad, these behaviours are not appropriate for a man at your age.

What is wrong with being in love?

They say if you love a woman go and talk to her.

Dad, you are not in love...

...you just want to lock on the target then go and hit it.

How can you talk to your father like that? Scoundrel!

Don’t swear. Come on walk.

Walk dad.

I will make you pay for it.

-Hodja? -What?

-What are you doing? -I am kneading raw meat.

Don’t you see, we are building a wall here?

I should shackle my father this evening.

Even if you build the great wall of China, Ali Osman would still find a way to

...dig a tunnel and get to Meryem’s room.

Don’t interfere. Get inside Asiye.

I will build such a wall here so that...

...old cock will never be able get into anyone’s hencoop.

How are we going to get out?

Leave it. Stop.

Stop. She is right after all.

Why don’t you tell me that a wall can’t be built here?

My father made a fool of me.

Take this back. Take it. Take it.

I don’t have a peace of mind left.

Good morning president Ahmet.

What is going on with you dude?

Are you hiding from someone?

We are heading for an operation president.

What operation?

DTP operation.

What is that?

‘D’ for dethroning, ‘T’ for the, ‘P’ for president.

DTP operation.

What is going to happen next? You will take his place.

I made a great plan. I will handle it with great ease.

I think all these Idrises are standard daydreamers.

The old one used to be the same.

Whatever. How are you going to make this happen?

I will be great my president. It will be great.

Mesut will have a small accident because of me...

...he won’t be able to play today...

...then Doganspor will lose the match.

And the dynasty of the Hodja will come to an end.

Evil minded Idris, right?

-We will see. -There you go my president.

Just trust Idris and don’t worry about the rest.

My plans are more famous then...

...my chauffeuring.

Hello, I am your urologist Demet Dinçer.

You will be as powerful as thousand tigers with the help of this miracle pill.

You will be able to pound the nail without a hammer.

You will turn into a machine gun...

and make it sound when you shoot.

I will be like a tool bag.

Hello?

2 boxes... No, no.

4 boxes... No, no.

How many are there in the storage?

I can get 50 boxes for the wholesale price.

Sure sir.

What are you doing dad?

Boxes, orders. What are you up to?

What about them? An idiot called...

I think they are selling doors. I didn’t get it. Take it.

Give it to me, let’s see what they are selling?

We are sending the medicine in a black bag.

I am saying that you will be able to pound the nail without a hammer.

You can pay at the door.

Our guy is after peeing at the door, you are talking about payment at the door.

You are talking about nails and hammers while we can barely handle him.

Hang up the phone!

Dad, what are you doing? For God’s sake, what are you up to?

We are doing all we can to stop you.

I don’t know how to cut you in anymore.

God forbid. What are you saying? Disrespectful son.

Why would you cut me?

Your father is good for nothing. His ass is out of control.

What am I saying, how do you reply me father?

Once day, just like that you will die on top of a woman.

You are an old man.

What about my age? I am hard as nails. I am like a rifle butt.

Why are you chasing me like gendarmerie?

I forbid you to talk on the phone from now on.

I don’t care if you’d like to get a dove or communicate through smoke.

Asiye!

Why are you shouting your ass off Hodja?

Asiye, you will keep your eyes on my father from now on.

You will follow him even if he goes to bathroom to shit.

Otherwise, I will hold you responsible.

Look at that bad seed of mine.

How dare you speak to your father like that?

I am going to the match.

You are not going anywhere dad. I read out my decision to your face.

What is this?

Damn your pounding a nail without a hammer. God forbid.

Mesut is out.

Operation begins.

How is my timing president?

Stop, stop you fuckwit. Let me get off.

You are on your own. Leave me out of it.

Stop, stop the car.

Stop the car damn it. Fuck your operation.

My president will be so proud of me.

Don’t you hear me? Stop already.

What are you saying president?

Shut the fuck up. You shithead!

Stop the car.

-Don’t you hear me? -Brakes are not working.

My president...

...there has been a little accident.

İdris...

...we are burning.

We are here today once again, with the show "Ask Hodja". Welcome.

What will we talk about today, Hodja?

As a matter of fact, I don’t want to talk today.

How about we ask a question?

Shoot.

Hodja, I swear big time during Trabzonspor matches.

Is this a big sin?

If you swear at the ungiven penalties and goals scored from an offside,

then you are fine.

What are you saying? Is that for real?

Are you kidding me?

You turned me into a priest. Everyone is after confessing.

We have a call coming through.

-Sure. -Hello.

Hodja, what if I die when I am fasting?

You will break your fast with a piece of cotton.

Hodja, calm down please.

Let’s have another question.

Have a nice day Hodja.

-Everywhere is Trabzon for us right? -Yes.

So I can break my fast while I am in Istanbul

with the call to prayer in Trabzon.

Yes you can. As a matter of fact, you will be fine without fasting.

God forbid. Don’t push me into wrongdoing.

There goes another question.

You have been raising your hand. Ask me.

You have been enthusiastically raising your hand.

Excuse me Hodja, does farting break ablution?

If you fart without smell and sound, then you are fine.

If you fart with smell and sound then you will break it

because of the mistuning of your ass.

Hodja, please calm down.

I knew he was going to ask about farting. It was obvious.

Let’s have a commercial break while you are laughing...

...so that the channel can make some dough.

Your laughter never ends.

Fuck the operation you are handling İdris.

Don’t say that president.

From my point of view, the operation was excellent.

My plan of action was impeccable.

From your point of view, there has been a little setback.

I wish you could get off the car sooner.

Are you giving me an attitude?

Thank God nothing is broken.

Otherwise, I would use your limb to fix mine.

Shithead.

Take off those sunglasses, take them off!

It broke. I will get new lenses.

-Ahmet? -İlyas.

What are you doing here?

Nothing. There has been a little accident.

Get well soon.

What are you doing here?

-Supposedly I am sick. -Get well soon. What do you have?

-I can’t say. -What kind of a disease is that?

Secret diabetic. Very secret.

You didn’t hear me saying anything. This is between us, ok?

Don’t worry about it. I was on my way to you.

What’s up?

-I was going to ask you something, Hodja? -I am in a hurry, fire away.

Can I perform the Friday’s prayer at home while watching it live on television?

I find it difficult to go to the mosque.

Why don’t you cover your fridge with a black cloth...

...then you will be counted for going to pilgrimage as well.

Hodja, can a Muslim man marry a Christian woman?

Whether you marry a Muslim or a Christian...

...you will still spend 2000 lira for that refrigerator. You can’t escape that.

Does it count if we circumambulat the Kaaba using Google Earth?

Of course it counts. That’s why they came up with it.

God forbid. Is he crazy?

My grand God, even that German brand recalled all the defective cars...

...why don’t you recall your defective human beings?

I kindly ask you please do not stand up when you see me.

Sit down. There you go.

Everyone looks sharp today. Well groomed.

Praise be!

My dear board members...

...we are here today to discuss the statute.

Why? Because our Doganspor is heading to championship.

We all have certain missions.

Hodja, we are going to all the matches. What else can we do?

It is not just about going to the matches and eating seeds.

You brag-a-lot around the downtown.

...calling yourselves a Doganspor member.

I will give 5 kilos of meat to everyone if our team wins the championship.

Entrecote to be precise.

I will give Kebir’s butter along with Akçaabat’s tobacco.

Brother Mehmet what are you doing? I get the butter...

...but you should give something useful to go with it.

Yüksel give us some tea.

-Wishy washy for me. -Why?

What did you do?

Did you prepare anything for the press speech?

He says the opponent team won’t win the match.

I agree with you.

Hodja, I think we haven’t done well by choosing this mute greengrocer...

...as the spokesman of our club.

We have done well. We have chosen right.

Nobody understands a word he is saying.

That’s even better.

What happened with the previous one whose words we all understood?

Didn’t he swear the president of the federation

and we were fined for two matches?

We played two matches without an audience.

-We did. -We did.

We won’t be fined since nobody understands this mute.

He cursed until the referee’s whistle.

Now it is the president’s turn.

Now that you mention, it sounds logical.

-Where are you going Hodja? -I am going to the match. I am in a hurry.

I am not answering any questions today. I appointed our greengrocer as the ...

...spokesman of the club. He can answer your questions, ok?

- Is that the mute? -That’s him.

Kenan Sofuoğlu, Trabzon’s and Turkey’s esteemed motorcycle driver.

What are you doing?

Thank God Hodja, we are doing well thanks to your prayers.

Are there any championships coming up?

Yes Hodja. I am practising round the clock.

May God bless you and your motorcycle.

-Thank you Hodja. -I need to get going.

Hodja, if you are in a hurry, hop on and I will take you.

I am blessed with more than I’d hoped for.

What a coincidence? Let’s go.

Ümmiye.

How are you?

Asiye.

I am fine. How should I be?

Why do I bother asking?

How are you going to be after Ahmet loses the presidency?

Asiye...

Ahmet will take that seat no matter what.

Maybe he will take it when Hodja is still there.

God forbid.

Have a good day.

It looks like your day is not going well so far...

...whatever.

Fuck her attitude.

Goal!

-Dad what are you doing here? -I am supporting my team.

Keep at it.

Great president! Great president! Great president! Great president!

-We beat so well, right? -Go away, scumbags.

They gave them good.

The team is in the finals, president.

What are we waiting for Idris? Let’s give them some bonus.

Let’s tour with the Hodja on our shoulders.

I will smack that face of yours so that you drop dead.

Dickface.

My mind is not a cucumber so that I can cut and share it with you.

Why do you get angry with me?

If I am the biggest contractor of the Balkans and the Middle East...

...I won’t let you lift that cup, Hodja.

I will curb your enthusiasm in your bowel.

-Walk! -There you go my president.

What will you say about the match now that you have won?

We are very happy. This triumph is a gift to our brother Yüksel.

He said ‘If you beat that team, you can...

Get ready brother Yüksel, we are coming to you as the whole team.

The masseur, manciple, goalkeeper’s trainer... Regards.

We are coming brother Yüksel.

-Come on guys. -Well done guys.

Nur!

Nur.

Nur stop.

Why do you make me run after you?

Then don’t run. Mind your own business Kadir.

We wouldn’t want your president brother to get angry with you.

Don’t do that Nur. What else can possibly be more important than you in my life?

I am through with meaningless words.

I told you what you needed to hear. We are at the end of the road.

That is not possible my precious.

Would waves give up the sea? Would stars give up the sky?

Would sun give up shining and would earth give up revolving?

-They wouldn’t. -Then I wouldn’t give you up either.

You are the light that shines my way.

My world will be dark without you. I can’t find my path.

Don’t darken my world by talking like that.

I don’t care about your declaration of love.

If you had really loved me, you would have found a way Kadir.

Nur.

Ahmet, what’s up? Are you here to inspect?

No Ümmiye, no.

You have been calling me since the morning.

Who is coming, the governor?

Surprise. You will see when he arrives. Where is Nur?

-Do you know Sakine? -Sakine.

Do you know her middle child, Halime?

She went to help her with the dowry.

-She will be back soon. -Fine.

Fine. She should get used to this.

She will get married soon.

What are you saying Ahmet?

Did you change your mind?

Will you give Nur in marriage?

Of course I will.

She is all grown up. She won’t be a spinster.

Our little bird will leave the nest one day.

Bravo. My handsome husband.

You are a great man.

Here is my beautiful daughter.

Your prayers are being answered finally. You father has agreed for your marriage.

I am about to faint. I am in shock.

How come? Dad? Is that right?

She is right. Why are you so surprised?

I have been thinking about it...

...you are old enough to get married.

How long can I keep you in this house?

Thank you Dad.

You are going to a very beautiful place my dear daughter.

You will be very happy.

I won’t be worried about you.

I knew you would understand me one day.

What is she talking about?

In the name of God, what is she talking about?

Of course, I will consider the best for my daughter.

Get ready, we have a wedding coming up.

Kiss your father’s hand.

-Let me kiss it, dad. -Come.

I should let them know that they can come to ask for my hand in marriage.

-Come on. -No need.

They are already here.

Come.

Welcome.

Thank you.

Please enter.

Şaban.

He is so excited.

She has fainted.

-Let’s get in. -Come on son.

Are you nervous?

Yes father.

Why are you nervous? Can they possibly find someone better than you?

They can’t.

How can they? We have the money.

Of course.

I didn’t like the house. It is like a poor man’s house.

I won’t give my precious daughter to that snotty Şaban.

You are out of your mind.

My beautiful wife, can we find a better fortune then that snotty Şaban?

İlyas is the richest man around here. He has only one son.

He has also partnered with an Arab sheikh.

Arab what?

What is that?

God forbid.

Arab sheikh, sheikh!

Rich man.

We have been struggling since I lost the presidency.

If I can’t pull this off, we will be in deep shit.

Think about it.

Eat that shit by yourself.

Even if the world turns upside down, I won’t let this happen.

You screwed up her psychology.

This wedding will happen, Ümmiye.

Now that I have the advantage over Hodja... for God’s sake...

...for God’s sake please show me some apprehension.

-My daughter. -Mom.

-My daughter -Mom, please do something.

I can’t marry son of Idris, the snotty Şaban.

Please do something.

My beautiful daughter. Don’t slum down.

I am telling you. This wedding won’t happen.

President Hodja, champion Doganspor.

Enough, thank you. Please let me get down.

What are you doing up there?

I took those blue pills last night.

They got stuck in my throat. What can I do?

Good grief! Wanker.

Let me get down.

Şaban has finished school. He is also done with his military duty.

Thank God.

I wonder how this idiot could get a diploma.

He could barely read when he was going to 5th grade.

I raised a great son.

He will be my right hand.

I will construct many skyscrapers in Trabzon.

Hopefully, we will witness those days together.

All we needed was a skyscraper.

The skyscraper he builds will collapse on someone’s head on the first day.

I am not saying this because he is my son...

...everyone from Artvin, Rize and all around the Blacksea region...

...is after our son.

They always ask whether...

...we’d like to take their daughters as brides.

Surprising.

This family is a psychopath.

Find someone for this boy and save me.

Even the teachers consult with him.

He has all the answers just like a genius.

Check this out. Tell me Şaban how do the hedgehogs kiss?

Very carefully my father, very carefully.

Did you hear that? He said very carefully.

It wouldn’t have come to my mind even if I had thought about it for forty years.

Long live my child.

Check this one out.

Why do the ships run ashore my son?

A grand ship can’t possibly run on the ground my dear father.

Do you see Ahmet? He is just like a computer.

Collected computer.

Uncle, that was a little lame.

I think Şaban should call Ahmet father.

-Call him. -Call him father.

-Call him father. -Say it.

Father. Father.

Say it.

My dear father.

I can’t stand this.

Where are you going Nur?

She is going to make coffee.

How would you like your coffee?

-Sweet, my beautiful daughter. -Sweet.

My Şaban doesn’t like everyone.

Nur is a lucky girl...

...that my boy is so fond of her.

Nur is our only girl.

Mrs. Saime...

...we haven’t agreed to anything yet.

To hell with it. You are not a bunch of assmonkeys.

You can’t possibly find anyone more loaded.

What are you saying Mrs. Saime?

-Ümmiye. -Ahmet.

-What did you do? -What have I done?

Don’t you hear what she is saying?

She is right.

Nur can’t find a better fortune. She will save herself.

Is she going to save herself or you?

You are giving your daughter away.

Let’s talk about the reason of our visit.

My son liked your daughter.

With God’s order and Prophet’s word, I ask Nur for my son.

We want her.

You know how girls are.

Let us think.

My blood pressure is dropping.

What the fuck are you thinking about?

What?

God forbid.

May all the trouble join each other

Crying would be easy

Your beauty...

...is my trouble.

She couldn’t stand to sulk anymore.

My Nur, my rosy face.

Kadir.

Nur, what is going on? Are you crying?

My father is giving me to that snotty Şaban, the son of Idris.

What? That is not possible.

They came to ask for my hand in marriage.

I won’t leave you to that shithead faggot.

You love talking nonsense.

You can’t do anything.

From now on, all you can do is come to my wedding.

Of course I will.

I am getting married. Don’t you understand?

What are you saying?

Nur?

Hello?

Nur?

What is going on with you, son?

What’s done can’t be undone. I don’t need to live any longer.

What is she saying to me? She invited me to her wedding.

Don’t talk nonsense. Tell me what happened?

You know the contractor dick face Ahmet.

So?

Do you know who he is giving his daughter to?

To snotty Şaban, the son of Idris.

How come?

Easy... Easy...

Fine...

Fine...

-İdris. -Tell me Ahmet the great president.

We can cooperate with Arabs from now on.

We need to know a few languages...

....in order to take on worldwide construction projects.

Do you speak any foreign languages?

Of course I do. I know six languages.

Bravo dude.

You didn’t tell me when I hired you.

When did you learn them? Which ones do you know?

English, Arabic...

...French, Spanish...

...German and Russian.

Well done.

I am proud of you.

You didn’t show the level of your knowledge.

I can say ‘I don’t know’ in all those...

...six languages I just counted.

What are you saying?

I can say ‘I don’t know’ to tourists.

Check this out...

Fuck your foreign languages.

Leave it.

I still need to massage this area.

Go and get me a big bottle of alcohol. This couldn’t put out the pain in me.

Kadir, I don’t have money.

I don’t have money, either.

When did you ever have money?

Don’t you ever stop being a penny pincher?

We can exchange that later.

Scrap dealer! I am buying iron.

I found it.

Scrap dealer!

There you go.

How much do you pay for the lead?

I pay 1 for iron, 13 for copper and 4 liras for lead.

Fine. Wait up.

Check out how many kilos of lead are there?

It is a lot.

I am sending a friend. Give the money to him.

Ümit come on.

In the name of God...

Where is Kadir?

He is sitting at the garden.

His world has turned upside down when he...

...heard Ahmet is giving Nur to that snotty.

What are you saying, dad?

Is Ahmet giving her daughter to someone else?

That’s right.

He doesn’t look good. He has been staring at a single spot.

I know very well...

...that a man in love stares like that.

Is it that easy to separate lovers?

I will find out what happened.

Kadir!

Kadir!

What are you doing?

I couldn’t even pull this off, how can I marry Nur?

Even the rope doesn’t take me seriously.

What are you doing Kadir?

Is it proper according to our religion to commit suicide?

-Why are you throwing in the towel? -What do you say Hodja?

Don’t you see how he is doing?

It is not the end of the world.

It is the end of the world.

Nur is my breath, she is the reason of my being.

There is no meaning to live in this world without her.

Come in, come in.

This is the half of it.

I will pay the other half once the job is done.

Deal.

Consider it done.

Thanks a lot.

İdris...

...get closer.

Kadir what are you doing up there? Get down.

Why are you wondering on the roof top like cats of March? Get down!

I won’t. Trabzon is too small for me without Nur.

I can’t stand this life without her.

Give me your blessing.

Is it worth for a woman? I mean if there were more than one... maybe.

Get down my son. Don’t ruin your youth.

Come on son, get down.

I will find you wings with angels from those catalogues.

You will choose whoever you want.

Kadir!

Kadir!

What is going on?

Kadir.

Kadir.

Oy my God did I sense it? What if he jumps from the rooftop?

Kadir! Kadir!

Kadir.

-Bro. -Kadir.

You are alive.

Thank God. Thank God.

You are like a rock. You are alive.

I am alive. If this is what you call.

-Bro? -What happened?

I am like a stuffed bird without Nur.

I want to sing but I am not alive.

Don’t sat that my son.

Come on, get inside. Get in.

My dear God.

I am here.

Selamun Aleykum.

My dear aunt...

...aleykum selam.

What happened?

You are standing like that?

Won’t you let me in?

Of course I will. Please come in, come in.

Get out of my way. Of course I will get in.

My dear aunt.

Haven’t you divorced her?

All we needed was you.

Get out of my way. Get out.

You are not giving up Nur.

That fuck face Ahmet is not giving up his decision either.

He found a loaded man like İlyas. He won’t back down.

He won’t.

-Cut the crap. What are we going to do? -There is only one thing left to do.

What?

-We will kidnap Nur. -Are you for real?

Of course I am.

My dear brother.

Your tea my aunt.

What is this?

Just like the ablution water of the İmam.

Go and get me a decent tea.

Unlike you.

God forbid.

You look great my dear aunt.

I am fine.

I kicked my husband’s bucket...

...I will be fine from now on.

Why do you talk like that after the deceased?

He left you all that property.

Speaking of the property...

...you told me that you would give me the acres in Arsin.

-Right. -So?

I did say that.

Why are you in a hurry?

No, I am not...

...it is just that, those acres have gained so much value.

We can build houses on the acres and sell them.

We’ll see.

How is Ali Osman?

Fine, I suppose.

Is he still married?

He buried his seventh wife. May God give you a long life!

Really?

Thank God.

What are you saying, aunt?

Stay out of my business.

Get me an animal to sacrifice...

...I consecrated a sacrifice. I should perform it.

-Are you out of your mind, aunt? -No, no...

...get me two animals.

...that can barely put me out.

Your tea, my dear aunt.

This looks like shit.

Go and make it right. Go!

-Fuck your tea. -Did you say something?

What can I say my dear aunt?

You are just a guest in our house, right?

We can put up with you for a little while.

You are the guest.

I am local.

My husband is dead. I will stay here.

Fuck you.

Ahmet...

...can you come over here my dear husband?

-Here I am my love. -Here I am my love.

Call for the guy.

This woman can’t stay at this house, Ahmet.

Do whatever you can to send that woman away.

I tell you one thing...

...but you can’t make head or tail of it.

-God forbid. -What can I say now Ümmiye?

My aunt loves and respects me. She had come to her nephew’s house

I can’t tell her to leave.

Whatever she says.

I can’t live with her in the same house.

My dear wife, all we had until this moment...

...was because of my aunt.

Now that her husband is dead...

...if I keep her pleased, she will leave all her legacy to us.

To hell with you and your family... Damn you Ahmet!

If you don’t want to turn off the money tap...

...you will put up with my aunt.

It is that easy.

God damn you.

How is this one my dear aunt?

You well steeped it now.

Is this organic?

Hundred percent.

Easy dude!

Hodja! Are you for real?

Didn’t you say the striker wouldn’t stop scoring?

He hasn’t moved an inch during the match. Now he is running around like crazy.

What is going on?

I don’t get it, my president.

I injected him a horse doping drug.

What did you do?

Did you inject him a horse doping drug?

I injected him a horse doping drug.

Fuck you.

He must be an Arab horse. He gained super speed. Of course.

Congratulations, my president.

Fuck your operation.

-Why do you get angry with me, president? -Stop talking. Stop talking İdris.

I promise. I will stretch you like a fish net over that goal area.

Everyone will score on you.

Hodja, water is found on Mars. Is it licit to perform an ablution with that water?

You are asking about performing an ablution

as if you had gone to Mars already.

You can perform an ablution for the evening prayer over there.

Thank God Hodja. I am so enlightened.

Hodja once upon a time, my grandpa cursed my father.

My father passed away yesterday. Here is my question...

...do you think his curses might pass on to me?

No. Every human being is responsible of his own ass.

You are right.

Hodja..

...thay say ‘Life is too short!', what about that?

-Friday, Saturday,Sunday. -Thank God Hodja.

Look at her. Get going. What are you looking at?

Ümmiye.

Ümmiye!

What happened?

Fix my aunt’s bed.

She is tired. Let her go to bed.

I am drinking tea. I won’t sleep early like a chicken.

I will have some cake.

God forbid.

I am going to bed my dear aunt. Good night.

-Kisses. -Good night.

Where are you going Ahmet?

Am I going to stay alone with this woman?

I can’t deal with you Ümmiye.

Put a candle in the middle and drive each other crazy over the candle light.

Make sure nothing happens to my aunt’s hand

which will give a signature for her acres.

There is flour on your cheek.

Come...hello...

Eat shit

Dad.

What are you doing dad? Why didn’t you get ready?

I am not coming.

You want to stay at home to check out the women...

...then you will order those nonsense pills, right?

-I said I am not coming. -You will be there as a woman expert.

I have one condition. Take Meryem for me.

The one who is stubborn against his own ass, will shit in his pants.

Meryem will kick the shit out of you but you are still longing for her.

She is just being coy.

God, please stop testing me with these lunatics...

-...or let me leave this world. -OK.OK. I am coming.

Let’s get going.

-Go! -Dad.

Come.

Easy. Easy.

Fuck. There is a dog.

Get back.

He won’t recognize us. Our face is covered with stockings.

Don’t...Calm down, calm down.

Kadir...

...where did you buy these stockings from? They smell funky.

I got them from the hosiery. Maybe that is why.

Maybe. Stop talking nonsense.

-Did you tell her? -No, I wanted to surprise her.

Fuck your surprise. Come on walk!

Follow me.

Watch out, you are going to make me blind.

What is going on?

He is gone.

Come this way, I opened the door.

Why did we go through all this trouble if you were going to open the door?

How did you open the door?

I saw it on TV.

Look at that ass clown as if he proved water is found on Mars.

They already proved that, dad. No need to deal with it any longer.

Stop talking nonsense. You have a dirty mind.

Why do you shout at him? You spoiled brat.

People will think you saved Trabzon from enemy invasion.

He is trespassing and you are protecting him?

You are trespassing through the window. Why do you get angry with me now?

Shut up dude!

4 glasses of tea please.

Weak tea for me, Kadir.

What tea?

You turned this place into a coffeehouse that’s why I felt like ordering tea.

We are not here for a Kolbastı festival, we are here to kidnap the girl.

One, two, three silence. Nobody is going to talk from now on, ok?

One, two, three silence.

Don’t forget! Nur’s room is the second one on the right.

OK. OK.

Which one, did Kadir say, was Nur’s room?

Second one on the right.

No, he said second one on the left.

-He said right grandpa. -He said left.

We are going that way. To direction of kiblah.

I told you it was the second room on the right.

His kiblah has changed.

Stop talking. Walk!

What is going on?

What are you doing dad?

It is not your fault, it is mine.

If I only had had some brains, I wouldn’t have brought you here.

-Get in. -Get in.

Let’s uncover the blanket so that my Nur can breathe.

What is this?

Ali Osman.

‘History of Ali Osman and Emine’

-I made a bed for the baby, Huriye. -It looks very beautiful.

-Put her to bed. -OK.

-I can build you a home if you liked it. -Do it.

You shall see.

-Ali Osman, can you come over here? -Emine.

Look what I brought you.

Mom! Scorpion!

The End

If you had told Nur, we wouldn’t have dealt with this.

Why are you coming at me?

Tell me what we are going to do.

Do whatever you want. Just make sure you take away that shitfaced woman.

Guys, I have been through so much because of her.

I walked around without pants for days.

Great. You fuck it up then leave it to me to clean it.

I don’t care. We kidnapped her for Kadir. Let him take her.

Dad, what are you talking about?

I am left with these lunatics. They have lost it.

God forbid.

Where is my Ali Osman?

Dear aunt, there has been a misunderstanding.

How can I tell you?

Imagine you want to get a Trabzon bagel...

...instead you come back with a flat bread.

I can take you back.

Don’t tell Ahmet anything. Don’t let him know.

Don’t break a sweat Hodja.

Don’t exhaust yourself.

Don’t you worry my dear aunt! I will carry you on my back.

I won’t get tired. I can take you back.

I am not going anywhere.

Now that I had come through this door

...I am dishonoured.

Let me tell you...

...if Ali Osman doesn’t take me...

...as his wife, I will be a bitch.

Fuck.

Ümmiye!

-Ahmet. -Ümmiye!

What is happening? What?

Where is my aunt?

I don’t know where she is.

She goes to bed late, therefore she can’t get up early.

I checked her room. She is not there.

What?

My God, has my prayers been answered? Is she gone?

-Ümmiye have you done something to her? -What can I do to her?

You shushed me.

Where is she, then? Where is this woman?

-Where is this woman? -How would I know where she is?

Let me call her.

Her phone is here, ringing.

Yes you are calling.

Allah, Allah!

Allah, Allah! Where did this woman go?

Allah Allah.

May she never come back.

Good morning dear audience.

We are here today with another "Ask the Hodja" show.

Good morning .

Your woman is right here...

Don’t you stop my Ali Osman...

Let’s hug each other....

Be nice to me.

God forbid.

Come and take away my misery.

Now that you kidnapped me...

...let’s finish this business.

Emine stop, don’t do it. What happened? You are like a wild cat.

You are my husband...

...you can kiss and smell me as well.

Tell me sexy tales.

Talk nasty to me.

Why would I talk nasty?

I didn’t mean like that.

Turn me on.

Don’t you understand? I am a young woman. I crave for fantasy.

You are out of your mind. You are worse than R rated.

Don’t be shy. We will be husband and wife soon.

No! We won’t.

Not in this world Emine.

I wish I had shitted in my pants than coming over there.

You used to be the same. You are unstable.

Our youth has gone. Let us unite now.

Light my aching heart on fire.

You must have some acid. That goes back up.

I will give you a medicine. You will be better in no time.

Let me show you the way. Come on.

Stop being stubborn. I waited for you for a lifetime.

Enough. I take pride in myself.

I don’t want it Emine. Don’t you understand?

I don’t want it. Why are you pushing?

To hell with you!

Come Ali Osman.

Come Ali Osman, come Ali Osman.

We have another question from the studio.

Have a good day my Hodja!

I downed the whole bottle in the fridge last night thinking it was water...

...but it was raki. I couldn’t make anything of it since I was so thirsty.

I got tipsy.

Then I felt like eating feta cheese and melon with it.

-Have I sinned Hodja? -No my child. You haven’t sinned at all.

You have been binge drinking.

That was your original intent

now you are asking Sheikh ul-lslam to give a fetwa for it.

We have another call coming. Hello.

Is it proper to take a bath naked in the bathroom?

It is not. Take a bath with a coat.

Actually, take a bath with a coat one day then with a suit another day.

We have a lady on the phone. Hello.

Hodja, I fell in love with someone and he kidnapped me.

What should be done now?

If he has kidnapped you, you need to perform a marriage ceremony.

Tell that asshole father of yours to solemnize me.

That is my aunt’s voice.

Those bloody bastards kidnapped my aunt.

They want to inherit her assets.

I will make you pay for it Hodja.

Hodja!

-Thank you. -Don’t mention it.

Do you love anyone?

I do, I do.

Girls won’t leave alone a handsome guy like you.

Take this.

Take the girl to a cake shop.

Take it.

Cake shop period is over. I take the girls to movie theatres now.

It is darker there.

You should see how tight they hug me when they get scared.

Thank you, grandma.

I love when you call me that.

Tell your grandpa to see me.

OK.

Asiye make me a strong coffee.

Grandpa, what are you doing in the cold? You will freeze.

-Mind your own business. -Don’t be stubborn. Go inside.

My grandma is asking for you.

You fuckwit...

...what makes you think she is your grandma?

Your grandma... Get the hell out!

Why do you get angry, grandpa?

To hell with your grandma...

Hodja, I know my aunt is in there. Open the door!

Hodja...open the door!

Why are you shouting over there? What happened?

Open the door.

Did you kidnap her for her money?

I will make you pay for it.

I will fuck the shit out of you.

I will urban transform this house.

We kidnapped her. That’s all.

We haven’t even taken her from the package.

She remains wrapped up.

Thieves...

Bandits...

Bring my aunt right away.

What is going on Ahmet? You have been so loud.

My beautiful aunt...

...I came to rescue you from these bandits.

-Let’s get going. -I am not going anywhere.

If God allows, I will go back with Ali Osman.

I belong with Ali Osman now.

If I leap over the threshold...

Ali Osman should solemnize me...

...otherwise the whole city can bang me.

Those ignobles kidnapped my aunt.

Well done. Let them drive her crazy.

Have you gone mad?

If she leaves, Hodja will inherit all her assets.

-We will be left with nothing. -Really?

Yes, really!

We should persuade my aun before she gets married.

-How can we? -How?

-How? -How?

That’s what I am saying but I can’t figure it out.

I go crazy standing here like this.

This Hodja became my nightmare.

He killed my joy of life.

I lost the presidency...

...now he is going to turn me into one of those Indian needies.

God forbid.

God forbid.

What are you doing Asiye?

I am cooking for my father. He is hungry.

-Really? -Yes.

Leave it to me. I will prepare him his meal.

Alright then!

She has gone out of hand.

Wait for me, I am coming right away.

Welcome, my Nur.

My aunt is here, I presume.

That’s right.

We had come to kidnap you but she was staying in your room.

We ended up kidnapping her instead of you.

What are you saying Kadir?

Why don’t I know about kidnapping plans?

I wanted to surprise you my Nur.

That is a very big surprise.

Now my father is furious with you. What are you going to do?

I don’t know but I think...

...our destiny is up to God from now on.

-That’s it. -Feels like it.

Kadir!

My beautiful God, please break me free from Emine...

...I promise I will perform the gratitude prayer every day.

What happened Ali Osman?

None of your business.

Go away, don’t get close. You ruined my prayer.

I cooked for you with my own hands.

Open that mount of yours.

Open it, open it.

I will feed you like a nightingale in a cage.

I don’t want it, leave me.

I don’t want your meals.

You are breaking my heart Ali Osman.

Leave it. Are you a trouble?

Where are you going?

Take me where you are going.

Take me wherever you want.

Ali Osman take me away, take me.

Dad, I beg of you. I need to go.

Go away.

Come on dad. I can’t hold it any longer. What is going on?

Dad, what are you doing?

I am not getting out. This is the only place where Emine can’t get into.

What are we going to do dad?

Are we going to shit in the mosque’s toilet?

Yes you shit there. I don’t give a damn. Do whatever the fuck you want.

I am on strike since Emine leaves this house.

Got it? I am on strike.

Dear good God.

My honey bunny.

My Meryem.

My honey bunny. Give me a kiss.

Come on give me a kiss.

Ali Osman.

How am I going to get rid of this woman, dear God?

I gave alms, I helped the poor. What was my punishment dear God?

Where are you going Ali Osman?

Ali Osman. Where are you going Ali Osman?

To the bottom of hell. Anyone can show where it is if you ask.

Ahmet, what is going on?

Nothing is going on. Go to sleep.

-Who is calling? -I don’t know who is calling.

Hello?

Ahmet.

Aunt! Is that you?

Come over here. I need to talk to you about something.

I will be there right away.

Ahmet...

...is gone.

Have you given up my dear aunt? Are you coming back?

I told you.

I won’t leave this house before I marry Ali Osman.

Don’t do this. Take a look at their faces.

They are after your money like a bunch of hyenas.

I don’t know what they made you drink but they have sweet talked you well.

Wake up my dear aunt. Let’s go back to our happy home.

Ummiye hasn’t stopped crying since you left.

She has been calling your name over and over again.

Leave that gold diggers.

Ali Osman can have all my money.

What are you saying my aunt? What are you saying?

I‘d rather die than letting this wedding take place.

I won’t die before I roast the broomstick with him. Be aware of this.

There is no way I will let you do that, not over my dead body.

I will take care of you if you help me.

I will grant you the acres in Arsin the day we get married.

How would you want your wedding invitation to be, my dear aunt?

I think a few stars on a cover of the invitation will be great.

We can also...

...have your and Ali Osman’s photo in the invitation. Of course.

Sit down, sit down.

What is going on, Ahmet?

You called me here at the crack of dawn.

I couldn’t sleep.

I talked to my aunt.

What is she saying? What did you talk about?

She is not backing down, Hodja.

All she wants is Ali Osman.

Hodja, let’s get them married.

What are you saying?

You were busting your ass off about not giving your aunt away.

What happened? What made you change now?

My heart tells me to stop.

Since my aunt wants him so badly...

...I don’t want her to be heartbroken.

My father doesn’t want it. He says he’d rather dies than marrying Emine.

What are we going to do now?

Look Hodja...

...you persuade Ali Osman to marry my aunt...

...and I will give Nur to Kadir.

-What are you saying? -You heard me.

We will have two weddings at once. Right?

All I care about is love and happiness.

-Congratulations, my president. -Don’t mention it Idris.

-If you say so. -I say so.

I will go and talk to my father. Let’s see if his heart might melt.

Come on.

-Hodja? -Asiye, I need to talk to my father.

-He is not here. -He is not here?

He has been gone since last night.

-He has been gone since last night? -What are you saying?

He must be at the bakery. Let’s take a look.

Kadir, have you seen my father?

I did. He passed by me like a bullet just a second ago.

I asked him where he was going. He didn’t even answer.

Oh no!

It is not that anybody wiped his ass with melting butter. Why was he running?

Was he chasing a woman?

I don’t think so. He was looking back while running.

I was afraid this would happen.

He ran away because of aunt Emine. He is running on fumes.

Don’t look at me like you had been joy popping.

Let’s go look for him. Leave that, walk.

-Come on. -Umit bring my coat, come on!

Enough already. How much longer can we walk around with him?

After all, he is dead. He is not a circumcised kid.

Let’s bury him already.

You are right.

He has been here, there and everywhere.

He should have wandered around when he had time.

Guys, let’s take him to the recreation area.

He is right.

Come on, one, two, three...

Stop, stop, stop.

I am looking for my father. Have you seen a short man with taqiyah around here?

I saw him. He was being awkward.

-How awkward? -What?

-What are you saying? -Get out of my way.

-Where is your father? -I don’t know! We are looking for him.

There he is. Dad! Wait for us, wait.

Fuck my fortune. They know I am running away.

La ilahe illaallah!

Funeral home

Where is he?

It says Funeral home. I think he is gone to the Funeral home.

What is Ali Osman doing in a Funeral home?

Does he practice dying?

Yes he practices dying. A full rehearsal with cotton and all up his ass.

How am I supposed to know? Let’s check it out.

Amen.

Come on, one, two...

Stop there.

Have we buried someone among us thinking he was the deceased?

This coffin feels heavier by the minute.

Guys...

...check the one next to you, is there anyone missing?

No.

The soul of the deceased doesn’t want to leave.

I told you not to take him around.

I haven’t seen a more confused deceased in my entire life.

We ordered him some tea, he didn’t like it...

...we took him to hammam, he didn’t like it.

We took him to the pool, he didn’t like it.

What does this lifeless want?

We should find him a woman and get him married.

I will shoot this son of a bitch.

Don’t do that. Don’t commit a murder.

He is already dead. How can you shoot him?

You are right.

Guys, say all the prayers you know.

Otherwise, this lifeless won’t get any lighter.

Let’s leave this place without getting paralyzed.

Come on.

Dude. What are you doing?

Did you get an all-inclusive deal with the deceased?

Why don’t you bury him?

Go and bury him! Take him away.

It is none of your business. Why do you interfere you shithead?

-Dad? -What is going on?

Dad?

God forbid.

Why are you following me, why?

Won’t you give me some peace in afterlife?

Haven’t we just buried this lifeless?

Is this guy a bonus?

Bury one, get one for free. I don’t get it.

I got it.

He is mad at us because we haven’t taken him around enough.

I didn’t get anything.

We bury one then another one comes up.

What kind of a damned is he? You can neither praise nor ruin him.

Dude walk!

What are you doing dad?

You were going to be buried alive so that you wouldn’t marry a woman.

What else was I supposed to do?

I could only take shelter in that place. Where was I supposed to enter?

Why are you so fixed on sticking somewhere a body part of yours?

Would you die if you married aunt Emine?

I would marry the demon of hell. Never with Emine!

I can’t look at her face before I gulp down an entire bottle.

Come on uncle Ali Osman. You will take her.

By kidnapping my aunt, you dishonored her.

Dishonoring? Your aunt is already a village bicycle.

She is already a tramp.

Dad please stop being so stubborn. Go ahead and get married to her.

Would you die if you married her?

I won’t marry her in a million years. Leave me alone!

But you are running after women who are old enough to be your daughter.

Emine is good for you. You guys are a perfect match.

My brother is right, dad.

You won’t find a Brazilian model after this age.

Go ahead and get married to Emine. You can satisfy your lust after all.

I’d rather die than getting married to her.

Why do you want me to get by with worn out goods?

Your deceased father was better looking than your aunt, Ahmet.

Dad, why are you acting like this?

If you marry aunt Emine, Ahmet will give Nur to me.

Please help me out.

Don’t ruin my happiness.

Is he saying the truth, Ahmet?

If I get married to your aunt, will you give the girl away?

I promise I will.

But if you don’t say yes...

...Kadir can kiss her goodbye.

So can Nur.

My Osman, my Ali Osman.

I am like a barren garden without you.

Come and be my commander.

You are crying in vain aunt Emine.

All rivers fall into the sea.

My father will be here soon. Don’t worry.

He is gone. He won’t come back.

You wise bird, the man you look at can never get well again.

He has left Turkey and chosen a new life as a refugee.

Have you come? Ali Osman, my husband.

Even if you run away from me...

...I won’t resent in you, master of my heart.

I wouldn’t say anything if you wanted to kill me...

Do you see? The woman who can handle a bull but can’t handle a word...

...turned into a March cat as soon as she saw Ali Osman.

Hodja...

...let’s smooth things over.

You are right.

Let’s take care of this when everyone is in a good mood...

...and while my father is still here.

You look great mom.

She is so old but she still insists on wearing a wedding dress.

She is so eager. Such a crazy pervert!

Let my aunt satisfy her lust, Ummiye.

Once Ali Osman signs the papers...

...the rest will be easy.

I will inherit all of my aunt’s property.

My daughter will have her happy ending.

-We will have two celebrations at once. -That’s not how it goes Ummiye.

How come?

I will give Nur but not to Kadir...

...to Saban.

-What did you say? -Shush.

-Don’t muddy the waters.

I will choke you, Ahmet.

What kind of a man have I been married to?

He is always up to something.

That is not possible Ahmet.

It is very possible.

What do the priests say in a church?

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

You hold your peace for today.

What kind of a man are you?

You will forget all about it once you have the money, Ummiye. Don’t worry.

I will take you to...

...Taiwan for holiday.

You will ride on top of elephants.

I will make you pat the crocodiles.

I wish they will eat you.

What I am going to do now?

-You look so handsome. -Thank you bro.

Finally, we persuaded him.

He sacrificed himself just to see your joy.

Don’t you worry, he will have her killed soon enough.

God forbid. He doesn’t put a gun against his wives’ heads.

They die of natural causes.

The registrar is here, dad.

Sir, you are very chic.

Walk!

Hodja, let’s get your father and my aunt’s marriage solemnized first.

What is the rush? Let’s get the young couple married first.

They have been waiting for a while, let’s not lower their spirits.

Hodja, that’s not the way to go. Look...

...the elders should lead them in the way...

...so that the young couple may follow their footsteps, right?

-Where is Ali Osman? -Here I am.

My prostate has gone out of control because of this wedding jitters.

It has been kicked up a notch.

I pee in instalments, excuse me.

-How is your mother by the way? -Thank you.

We can get started with the ceremony.

You notified us in writing of your intention to get married.

Registrar, can you get Ali Osman and my aunt solemnized first?

Dear Nur Suren, do you take Kadir Ofluzade...

...as your lawfully wedded husband without feeling any pressure--

Registrar, you will get Ali Osman and my aunt solemnized first.

Understood?

Hurry up. I couldn’t make myself clear I guess.

Quick, quick.

There you go.

Congratulations, my president. Nicely said.

I will finish them, Idris.

Do you witness this marriage?

We do.

We do, we do.

Yes...

...by the power vested in me by our mayor...

...I pronounce you husband and wife.

It is your turn to kiss me Ali Osman.

May a thornback ray kiss you.

I eat the holy anchovy with this mouth of mine.

I can’t kiss Emine after eating anchovy, I will be poisoned.

You are my lawfully wedded husband, you can have me any way you want. Come on.

Emine, I am not your husband officially.

Stay away from me. Go and fuck someone else up. OK?

But mine is a love marriage... I haven’t signed anything.

I see you as my husband.

Emine, do you also see a bright light next to me?

They are calling you from the other side,

don’t make the angel of death wait, come on.

Hodja, what is your father saying?

Is he joking? Hasn’t he signed?

He is not joking. My father never jokes.

He scored a last minute goal.

Congratulations again, my president.

Get out of my way!

Don’t let me smash that head of yours.

I lost the presidency.

I lost aunt Emine.

I lost the acres in Arsin.

I am leaving, too.

Let’s take a selfie.

Stop, stop... I, I...

I am not leaving!

Hodja, this is a matter of life and death now.

Be afraid of me!

Be very afraid!