Original subtitles

.

- Will and Grace is recorded

in front of a live studio audience.

- Honey, you gonna pack your self-portrait?

- No, and that's not me.

It's just some sad, gay man that bums everybody out.

- Hmm. My mistake.

- How crazy is it that the two of you are both having babies?

Oh, look! I found the penis on the tree.

- Well, the baby's coming.

It's time. I can feel it.

- It's time!

- It's time! That's it!

It's time! Everybody knows what to do.

Commence Operation Baby.

- [moans]

- Did no one read my email?

- Which email? - What's email?

- The one with the subject line,

"Operation Baby. Read--important.

I mean it, guys."

- I didn't think it was important.

- Oh, I didn't read it.

- I stopped reading after, "And so it begins."

- Come on. Come on, let's go.

[upbeat trumpet and piano music]

♪

- I'm really sorry for the false alarm.

- Eh, I'm used to false alarms

from hysterical women.

You're not dying, Judith!

You're just having a panic attack

because your DVR didn't record "Chicago Fire."

- The doctor said to induce labor,

I should walk around and exercise.

- Well, then that baby is never getting born.

- "What the whozie? Where's the boozy?"

said the floozy to the snoozy.

- It's all packed up.

- No, it isn't.

It's behind the Jewzie.

- Oh, no. You forgot to pack up

your self-portrait.

- Why does everybody think that's me?

It's a gaunt, dead-eyed man

who never changes and looks down on everyone.

- My mistake.

[sighs] I remember the day

he put that up.

- No, no, no. I told you.

No reminiscing. This is a fresh start!

We're having babies, a new house.

We're moving forward, not back.

- Jack! The stage manager

from your Broadway play just called on the landline.

Sailor number five, he cannot go on tonight.

- It's actually happening, people!

- Oh, my God. Jack, does this mean

you're gonna perform on Broadway tonight?

- Eh, no, eh, Jack is not the first understudy.

- But you never know. Something could happen to him.

- Then you'd go on? - Eh, no.

Then, it would go to the second understudy.

- And if a terrible thing happens to him?

- That's right, Karen. Jack would only be

one more person away from performing on Broadway tonight!

- [laughs]

It's so close!

My dream of taking a bow on a Broadway stage

is only a car accident, a death in the family,

and a respiratory infection away from coming true!

- I just got a letter from Stan.

- How? - On my phone.

- That's email!

- May I finish?

He wants me to meet him at the top

of the Statue of Liberty at 5:00.

- Isn't that where you had your first date?

- It is.

We had a picnic on the torch deck.

Back when I was tired and poor,

and he was just a huddled mass, yearning to eat brie.

- Well, we know he's still in love with you.

He obviously wants you back.

- And I considered it for a minute, but, uh...

Like Wilma here,

I'm moving forward, not backward.

- Okay, for the last time, that is not me.

It's a painting my mother gave my father

but he didn't like it 'cause he thought it was too gay.

My mistake.

.

- What is this thing? Where is it taking me?

Are we in Jakarta?

- It's called a taxi.

We didn't want you to have to say good-bye to Stan alone,

because we're nice people.

- Well, now I feel bad I didn't get to know you kids better.

- Also, climbing those steps will help bring on the baby.

- And I need to distract myself from thinking

about the very real possibility

that I might take a bow on Broadway tonight.

- How about your job as a bar owner?

Wouldn't that distract you?

- Oh, yeah. That.

- What about your job at the rec center?

- Do I still have that job?

No.

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

[phone buzzes]

Oh, my Cher.

The first two understudies have a bacterial parasite

and can't stop throwing up!

- Well, just say the word. We can make that

last chorus boy disappear.

Trust me.

He's already dead to his family in Utah.

- Oh, my God. Turn that up.

[news theme song]

- McCoy Whitman says "Cheerio"

to his job in London,

and returns to the Big Apple to his old chair,

anchoring the 6:00 and 10:00 news on Channel Four.

- Will, McCoy's back in New York.

- Yeah, I'm aware of that, Grace.

What, with my eyes and ears receiving information

as they do. - And he didn't tell you?

That is huge.

But...

Is it bigger than the thing

that's potentially happening to me?

America says, "No."

- Doesn't matter. McCoy and I broke up.

He didn't want kids, so.

See, now I'm getting sad again.

This is why I'm not looking back.

- I'm with you, honey.

That's why I'm telling Stan to stay out of my life forever.

That chapter is closed.

I don't even care who he ends up with.

- Are you sure about that? - Who said that?

- Ello, Mother.

Jack, Jim, Betty.

- Lorraine Finster.

- Looking good, girl. What you doing driving a cab?

- It's not a lot different from stripping.

You know, you take people where they wanna go.

Sometimes you end up with a big mess on your backseat.

You don't mean that about Stan, Mummy.

- Yes, you're my ex-step-daughter,

and yes, we had a four-way for three hours

with two of the One Directions,

but you know zero about me.

- Don't trust her, Karen. - That is offensive.

Why do women always have to tear each other down?

- Maybe 'cause you're a grifter who's always stealing from her.

- What, like you stole that nose off a Gentile, Betty?

Listen, Mummy. I've known you

for the better part of 300 years,

and one thing has remained constant:

not your boobs or your head or your body.

- How about her seemingly limitless tolerance

for drugs and alcohol?

- Thank you, Jim.

- All right, fine. Two things.

That, and you've always been in love with Stanley Walker.

- It's true, Kar. - You kind of have.

- Can't disagree.

- Damn it.

The slag, the hag, the drag, and the gentleman to my left

are correct.

Wait a minute. You're never right.

What's your angle, Finster?

- Well, I have been told I'm rather fetching from behind.

Also when I'm getting jackhammered.

My profile is regal.

- This is the filthiest episode

of "Downton Abbey" I've ever seen.

- You're right.

I do love Stan.

.

[upbeat piano music]

♪

- Whoo-hoo! [boat horn honks]

We beat Jack and Karen. Oh, God.

You were moving.

- I was just trying to get ahead of your stair-farting.

- I'm pregnant.

- Who are you gonna blame when that thing comes out?

- I'll get an old dog.

- Wow, look at this.

[sighs]

That's our life, our city. [boat horn honks]

Just think of all the stories, - Hmm.

- Milestones,

men who have disappointed us. - Or...

We think about the men we'll disappoint in the future.

All that matters is we don't look back.

- Are we really not gonna talk about the fact

that McCoy is back in New York?

- We really aren't.

If he wanted to get in touch with me, he would've.

- But-- - Only looking forward...

[bird's wings flapping] At that pigeon

with a syringe in its mouth.

- Stanley, darling? - Oh, he's not here yet, Kare.

- Oh. He's probably running late.

Unless he got confused, and he's at the top

of the Empire State Building,

holding a lady and swatting away planes.

[footsteps approaching]

- Oh! My--my legs are dying!

Every part of them is like jelly:

my fibia, my flabia,

my skibia, my skabia.

- Not one of those things is real.

- Uh, I think I would know. I was a nurse.

[scoffs]

Wait. Am I still?

No. [laughs]

Yes.

[exhales] No.

Maybe.

[phone ringing]

Go for Jack.

Would you be a dear and hold the phone away from your ear

just for one second?

Yeah, just for one second. Okay.

[screams]

Thank you. I'll be right there.

Oh, my God. You guys!

The last understudy has the measles!

Thank you, anti-vaxxers!

I'm going on in two hours.

Tonight, I'm finally gonna take a bow on a Broadway stage!

- Oh, my God, this is your dream.

- Do you need us to help you get ready?

- Oh, I'm always ready.

Got my tap shoes and my sailor suit.

I won't be a minute.

[boat horn honks]

Ta-da!

- They let gays in the military now?

- Break a leg. - Aww, break some water.

- Proud of you, sailor. - Thanks, Will.

This is the first good thing to happen to me

on top of a woman.

Broadway, here I come.

- Will, we are going to see Jack McFarland on Broadway.

- Yeah, and not just pointing up at a marquee,

screaming, "Ben Platt took my career!"

- You know what? You girls go ahead.

I'm gonna wait for Stan. [boat horn honks]

- Do you need me to stay? - No, honey, I'm fine.

I'm sure he'll be here in a few minutes.

- It's a big day for both of us, huh?

- Why? What you got going on?

Where the hell are you, Stanley?

[sighs]

You better not make a fool of me.

[light piano music]

[applause]

- It's really happening.

- How did he do it? After all those stairs?

After all that dancing?

How did his legs not give out on him?

- Oh, here he comes!

[applause]

- The seaman on the floor is my husband.

♪

- He's not coming, is he, Libby?

Well, you know what?

I'm putting my torch down, honey.

My arm's getting tired.

[helicopter blades whirring]

Well, what do you know?

I guess it ain't over until the fat man choppers in

over restricted air space.

Wait a minute.

Am I really gonna climb a ladder into that helicopter,

and then another one into your arms, and that's it?

We just go back to the way things were?

You've done terrible things. I've done terrible things.

There are bad people on both sides.

Starting over's not gonna be that easy, you know.

Oh, you think you can buy me back

with some trinket I can buy myself.

Let's start over.

Marry me again.

I love it.

Keep that flame burning, Libby.

Oh, and honey? Lose the tablet.

No one likes a girl who reads.

[energetic piano music]

- Sorry, sorry. Pregnant woman.

Sorry, sorry, pregnant.

Ooh. Nice.

- I thought we were gonna meet in the lobby?

- You will never believe who I saw in the bathroom.

- Michelle Visage?

- Who is that?

- There really is a big difference

between gay people and straight people.

- No! McCoy.

I saw McCoy.

McCoy's here?

W--Wait--McCoy was in the ladies room?

- Which one of us do you think picks a bathroom

based on the line?

- Are you sure it was him? - Yes!

He was at the urinal when I walked in,

and by the way, good for you.

- Oh, my God.

McCoy is here right now.

My heart's beating a mile a minute.

- Well-- - Don't say

what you're about to say. - Go after him.

- He didn't call me. I--why should I chase him?

- Why? Because, in 20 years,

I don't want to be the person who has to hear you say,

"I should have gone after him."

Come on.

Come on, I'll make room. Hey.

Pregnant woman coming through!

.

- So I got out of the theater just in time to see McCoy

jump in the back of a town car.

And like a schmuck,

I--I did that speed walk/run thing

to try to catch up, and then I yelled his name

in this desperate, high-pitched voice,

"McCoy, McCoy!"

Yes, Grace.

Like a sad, gay crow.

I'll--I'll see you in a minute.

[elevator dings]

McCoy.

- Hey.

- What are you going here?

- I'm back in New York.

I don't know if you knew.

- No, I had no idea.

- It was all just so much, so fast.

Getting married,

and the baby, I...

I got scared.

- I get that.

But I'm--I'm trying not to look back.

- Me neither. Me neither.

I--I--I'm only thinking about the future.

- Why couldn't you have just called?

And it's not just about you being attractive.

You also smell great.

- I forgot to put on deodorant.

So, is that a yes?

- I made a commitment to Grace. We're moving.

We're raising our babies together.

- And none of that has to change.

But, Will...

The gay guy gets to have his Prince Charming, too.

- Well, a happily ever after would be nice.

- Hey.

Anything new

since you got off the elevator?

- Like you weren't watching the whole thing

through the peephole.

- How is that guy hot, even through a fish-eye?

So, are you-- - We'll see.

It doesn't change anything.

- I'm happy for you.

Just like you'll be happy when it happens for me.

- Hmm. - [moans]

- [exhales]

Hey. Why didn't they take the couch?

- Oh, it wouldn't fit out the door.

- Really? - No, I hate it.

I've always hated it.

So does he. That's why he's sad.

- I love this couch. It's the--

It's the first thing I bought for this apartment.

- [sighs]

- Wow.

We lived a whole life here. - We sure did.

Wait. You said no reminiscing.

- Maybe just a little bit.

[exhales]

- [sighs]

Everything's gonna be so different.

A whole new life.

A new house. - Hmm.

- Kids.

We've always just been Will and Grace.

- It's okay.

- What do you mean?

- Maybe we've been Will and Grace long enough.

- How much you wanna bet they're in there

staring into each other's eyes?

- Everything's changing.

It's like we won't be the old Jack and Karen anymore.

[smack]

- Don't you dare call me old, you big homo.

[smack]

- Don't you dare call me big.

[smack] [smack]

[both sigh]

We're still us!

- And we always will be.

Come on.

Let's go pull them off each other.

Grace Adler, you had better be wearing a condom.

- [laughs]

- There he is, our Broadway star.

- Oh, Jack. You were awesome.

And Karen, you and Stan-- are you happy?

- I am.

There are 100 reasons why Stan and I

shouldn't be together,

and 7.3 billion reasons why we should.

- Aww. I love love.

Come on, everyone. Shift it.

It's time to get to the cast party I'm hosting.

- It's time. - Yeah, I just said that.

Everyone has to bring a bag of chips,

whatever they want to drink, an entrée,

and a barbeque if you have one.

- No. It's time.

- Honey, I think our girl's getting ready

to have her litter.

- You sure?

- Oh yeah--yeah, yeah-- oh, yeah.

- Oh, my God. I'm gonna be an uncle.

- I'm gonna be an aunt! [laughs]

- I'm gonna be richer! - [squeals]

- Hey, let me in. It's kind of my moment.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. - I'm sorry, sorry, sorry.

- Okay, you guys, get the elevator.

You ready for this? - 100% no.

- You're gonna be great.

We are gonna be great. - [laughs]

- Let's go. [elevator dings]

[nostalgic piano music]

♪