Original subtitles

What do you think?

First impressions?

Workmates. All friends of friends.

They're standing very close.

It's a crowded bus.

He's smiling.

She's too enthusiastic.

He's being polite and he keeps looking around.

Maybe he's looking for seats.

Maybe.

Wait, so if I'm talking to a guy and he's smiling, it's just out of

politeness?

Yeah.

Oh, he likes you.

It's a pretty wide gulf.

Hey, Guy.

That's way too handsy for work, colleagues.

God, they're really going for it with the masks now.

It's a little eerie.

It's like the start of a zombie movie. You know I got yelled at for standing

too close to somebody at the checkout line? People are losing their fucking

minds.

Hey, Guy, at work, so they're going to announce a lockdown soon.

A lockdown?

A lockdown of what?

Of us.

Everyone.

We'll have to stay at home for like two weeks to stop the spread.

We won't be able to leave except for food and emergencies.

Oh God, it is like a zombie movie.

Next thing there's a title card like 10 years later.

We've all got beards and shaved heads and we're fighting over canned meat.

I'm not fighting you for canned meat, that's all yours.

And how do you reckon you'd go with a shaved head?

Knowing my luck, I'll end up with a beard instead.

See? Friends are friends.

Aww.

Oh.

What the fuck?

Yeah, there was no need for that.

That's what you do when we go our separate ways, isn't it?

See you tomorrow.

Unless they lock us down.

Oh, well, if they do, I'll just see you out in the wastelands then. I'll be the

one with the fucking weird machete hand or the beard.

Goodbye!

Hello,

stranger.

She returns.

It's been a while.

It's been a long while.

Did you get called back into the office?

Yep. New management demands it.

Did you?

Yep. Been back for a couple of months now.

So your fucking friend was right?

Who?

Oh, right.

Yeah, he moved to the mountains right at the start.

Traded the shirt and tie for a flannel. Lives off the land now.

Pushed all in on apocalypse, huh?

You gotta respect that.

So what have you been up to for, what, two years?

You know, baking, gardening, you know, Zoom meetings

and existential crisis.

At least you've got both your hands still and full head of hair.

No beard, sadly.

Stephen King or Danielle Steele?

Close.

Oh, of course.

Is this what you've turned to in my absence?

Russian philosophy.

What have they done to us?

Well, what kind of ambitious literature were you reading during lockdown?

Reading? I just binged Tiger King and Squid Games like every other basic

arsehole.

So many empty seats.

Yeah, you said, yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.

Unless... Hey.

Marry me.

Excuse me?

I promised myself if I ever saw you again, I'd ask you to marry me.

As much as I really don't want to go to work today, I don't think that I can

fool the I'm late because I'm getting married card until at least a couple

weeks in.

Yes, that's smart. At least until a few weeks in.

Look, I've had a long time to think about this.

Maybe too much time.

Maybe too much time.

I think Dostoevsky's had a little too much influence on you. Was he running

around Russia proposing to women?

Ospensky, actually.

Ospensky. No, okay, so my grandparents, back in the day, they went on eight

dates and they got married, and they've been married for 50 years.

So not any Russian philosophers your grandparents are to blame.

They are.

So what? Go on eight dates with you and then... Well, we don't have to get

married if you don't want, obviously.

Look, I just always liked seeing you on the bus.

It was easily the highlight of my day.

I didn't think I was going to see you again.

Me neither.

no even dates anymore i don't know it's very old school feels like we've been

doing it wrong lately there is a distinct lack of wooing we could start

small go for coffee you're not a weirdo are you um i

don't think i am i mean i'm not just randomly asking women to marry me just

me yeah just you

Man, this might fuck up the bus thing we've got going on. Yeah, but I think I

just did that already.

Hold this.

Miss you?

That's me.

You are a brave one leaving your airdrop wide open. How are you not swimming in

dick pics?

I don't think I'm the key demographic.

are you being serious your last name is right i mean i have no reason to lie why

that's my last name off i'm serious ryan wright oh god we're not related are we

okay i'm descended from the english rights what about you scottish my pop

did the ancestry genealogy thing during covert yeah same what could have made

for a very awkward coffee very

Hey, at least if we do get married, I won't have to take your last name

because I already have it.

See, you don't even really need me.

You literally have nothing at all to lose now.

Well, text me.

Morning, how are you?

Morning, mate.

How are you?

Morning.

So guess who came second in the over 50s watercolor category at the archon

weekend whoever the poor guy was behind you No, it was me.

I was so close.

Oh My god, that's amazing.

How did that get second prize? I'd love to see you won first.

Oh, okay That's a bit shit if you ask me you got robbed Helen

it's nice to get a little ribbon though, I'm not gonna lie

Well, don't forget about the rest of us back here when you're a famous artiste.

Fat chance.

Looking at porn

again?

So what if I was, Mike?

There's shit all else to do here. You know, I could be at home fucking around

and doing nothing.

Lucky you, they wanted to do an editorial meeting in five.

Oh, can I just zoom in from my desk instead?

Nope. The new overlords require meat presence.

They're psychopaths. Mike, nobody wants this. It's better when everyone's just

in their little box on the screen.

Admit it, Em.

You missed everyone here, didn't you?

Smells like beard oil in here.

I hope Gary's retirement is awful.

What a selfish, greedy sellout.

Yeah, I heard he started a charity. Of course he did.

What a dick.

Meeting time.

Here we go.

Emily.

You look so good in person.

What do I look like on screen?

We can hug again.

Oh, did we ever before?

No, but we should have.

Don't inhale, Nat. Makes it even weirder.

Okay, okay.

I just really missed you.

Both of you. Aw, Mike too?

Kind of cheapens the sentiment.

Did you both see my email?

You send quite a few emails, Nat. You want to be more specific?

The one about the welcome party for the new corporate stakeholders.

It's a nice way of putting it.

What about this party?

Oh, it's compulsory.

Sorry.

Ah, welcome everybody.

Well, this is nice, isn't it?

we all well what time do you finish up okay where should we begin mike yeah um

so did anybody watch squid game like that was amazing you know like the last

three episodes but they were playing that mom you know that remember that

who's

this

Kidding. About 4.30.

Yeah?

I can leave whenever I want.

4.30 then?

Sure.

Let's get this over with.

Excuse me, do you have any sugar?

Yeah, just in the pot.

I got you something for our first date.

Corsage, I hope.

Jesus.

Whose dick is that?

I don't know.

I just scoured the internet until I found the best one.

Is this your dream dick?

No, it's...

It's the best one for you. I was being thoughtful.

So you spent your first day back at work scrolling through dicks to find the one

that said the most about me?

That's pretty thoughtful.

Do you feel violated?

A little bit, yeah.

It's kind of like a slap in the face, isn't it? Every time.

Every time?

Mm. How many times is this happening for you?

I have something of an online following, so every now and then I'll just open my

DMs and it's like, bang, dicks everywhere.

Wow. Cool.

You've never sent one?

No.

Absolutely not. I mean, I barely look at my own dick. Why would I want to subject

someone else to it?

See, now you're just talking common sense.

Oh, wow. You really do have a following going on. You've got the blue tick and

everything.

Wait, you're telling me you didn't already cyber-stalk me today?

Honestly, no. It never really occurred to me. Why, did you?

Yes.

I didn't even have to put my detective hat on. Your socials are wide open.

You really walk between the raindrops, don't you?

I never really had anything to hide.

Didn't know I was going to get cyber-stalked. Not even by the girl you

want to marry from the bus?

Yep.

Can I follow you?

You think we're ready for that?

It's a day for living on the edge, I guess.

Tech writer and reviewer?

I thought you said you were a journalist.

Ouch. No, I didn't mean it. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I did.

Yes, I was just sexing it up.

Okay. So you get to play with the new iPhones before they come out? No.

If you put the word smart in front of anything dumb, like a smart umbrella or

an egg tray, then I'm spending a few days with it until I find 500 words.

What does a smart umbrella do?

It tells you when it's about to rain and where it is if you lose it. So you write

smart reviews about dumb smart dumb products.

I never said they were smart reviews.

Hey, you want to get the table over there?

Yep. Score.

Let's go.

You said you were an accountant.

Can't really sex that up, can I? That's true.

Do you like it?

I don't love it, if I'm honest. But I don't hate it.

And that used to be enough, maybe.

But not now?

I mean, is anything enough after the last few years?

What would you rather be doing?

I don't know.

Writing something, probably. Something important. Something not vapid and

hopefully not utter shit.

Well, I look forward to reading that I'm sure it's amazing what would you rather

be doing?

Kind of always wanted to run a coffee shop like this Your dream job is to be a

barista Yes, and no kind of

I just wanted to own it and run it and you know, it's like the beans and

make the menu choices and all that cool stuff enfranchise it and retire to the

yacht no just one place where people can hang out that'll be enough for me

it's actually pretty sweet thank you oh you ordered

for us this is like an old school date oh wait you're not vegan or gluten-free

or anything maybe i should have stopped this this is perfect this is exactly

what i would have ordered

And you ordered it without pineapple.

Pineapple can be a deal-breaker, in my opinion. It's dicey.

I see what you did there.

It's bad.

You don't like pineapple?

I love pineapple, but I would never put it on a pizza that I was sharing.

It's too divisive.

It's delicious, thank you. Good.

So circling back, are you meant to carry this smart umbrella around with you at

all times just in case?

You don't carry an umbrella.

Of course not. Do you?

Yes.

Now this isn't the dumb smart one. This is just a smart normal one. But it has

not failed me yet. So the huge bag thing isn't just a fashion trend. You actually

carry useful things inside them.

Repair for everything and never need any of it.

What do you do if it rains?

I guess I get wet.

So you don't walk through the raindrops after all.

No.

So, where do you want to go next time?

Should we play it by ear?

Yeah, of course.

Good. Good

Hey.

Hi.

What are you two up to?

I'm just waiting for him to decide what to watch.

I don't care what we watch. It's up to you.

Busy meds, Pop.

Hey, you're home late. How was your day?

Yeah, it was very good. It was?

Yeah, yeah, it was good. It was good.

You've been calling.

Now I'm definitely intrigued.

It's on Ian's Facebook.

We should send it next door.

Oh, my God.

Don't start another neighbourhood war, Pop.

I didn't start anything.

Hey, you choose what we watch.

I'm actually going to call it a night.

Are you OK?

Yeah, I just had a big day. You guys enjoy.

Hope you got home safe

Hey

How was your first day back?

Everybody pumped me back in the office?

Everybody except me loved it.

How was your shift?

Yeah, same old.

I did have one guy who came in who got his hand caught in a metal press.

She was seen as like a purple glove full of water just hanging off his wrist. It

was fucking gross.

I don't want to hear this.

You asked.

I was being polite.

Not a lot of feel-good stories coming out of an ER, Emily.

Oh, hey, I have this really annoying work party next Saturday.

I can't go.

Well, it's compulsory.

For you, maybe.

No, I'm working a double.

Since when?

Fuck. Um... Since I agreed to work a double.

Hey, I was gonna cook.

I actually was, but I just, um... Well, I couldn't be fucked.

So, you want to just order some pizzas?

You know what? I actually got something on the way home, so I'm not really

hungry. Yeah, I've heard that bullshit before.

No, I'll get an extra large, but when I get pineapple, you can just pick it off

if you want some, all right?

You want to come to a party next Saturday?

Sure.