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(static buzzing)

(dramatic music)

- No, no, oh no.

(grunting)

(dramatic music)

(coffee pot whistling)

(light soft music)

(spoon clinking)

(door shuts)

- Hello there, guys get through the night?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Damned hard night it was too.

- Trouble?

- Well it will be a bother when he gets home anyway.

- Yeah rub it in, thank you.

I've lost 180 at poker.

- I'd go have another stiff drink if I were you.

- He's gonna need it,

he's gonna pay when his wife gets home.

(laughter)

- See you later.

- See you later, lads.

(car revs)

- Morning Jenny.

- You just fuck me off.

- Sorry didn't mean to scare you.

- No good hands waiting out there.

Look do you mind, get out of my way, I'm late.

- Do you have my number?

I left it under your windscreen.

(light soft music)

(elevator chimes)

(phone rings)

- We were getting worried.

Just about to send out a search party.

- Late again Jenny?

Making it a bit of a habit aren't you?

- Oh John, sorry, so so sorry.

It won't happen again.

I'm gonna stay around a bit this time.

- Well you're gonna need to, I've got a new one for you.

- Okay.

- Everything okay?

- Sorry, what is this set, what is it?

- Stromboli Circus they have reinvented themselves.

All politically correct, no animal cruelty

and just acrobats, daredevils, clowns.

(dramatic music)

Some Saudi Prince is pouring a shitfull of cash into it,

wants to make it the best travelling circus in Europe.

You're doing the press package.

- Okay, how long we got, what's the timeframe?

- 14 hours.

- 14 hours, are you taking the pace?

- The press conference is 7:00 A.M. tomorrow morning.

- John, trust me, if you want me to do it,

I'm gonna have Cath and Alex stay behind with me.

- No they can't do it, afraid they're working

on the Barclay's presentation.

They've gotta get that done, so this is your baby.

- John you want me to do a full press package

in 14 hours by myself, I'm staying behind tonight,

but there's not a chance it's gonna get done.

- Sorry you drop the ball, they're the biggest players

in the game, we're gonna pick it up and run with it,

and you're gonna make sure that that happens.

- John have you seen the time now,

there's not a chance I can do this.

I honestly can't comprehend how I'm gonna get this done.

- Well let's just say that you need to do it,

because you're future career prospects may depend upon it.

(door slams)

- You alright babe?

Do you want a coffee?

- Yeah and make it a strong one.

- [Sally] Anyone else want a coffee?

I'll be back in a min.

- Cheers Sally.

(phone rings)

Oh god I did this again.

(phone rings)

- Look Jen just try to keep it together.

- Have you seen the brief, it's impossible.

- No such thing as an impossible task, you taught me that.

- Yeah but.

- No buts, you can do it, you know you can.

Go for a smoke and calm yourself down.

Some people round there want you to fail.

Don't give them the satisfaction.

- Yeah I know, I'm gonna go for a smoke then, alright.

(upbeat music)

- Sal, just leave mine down here.

- What's up, you going for a ciggy?

- Yeah, you going up for the morning like that?

- I want to.

- Giant fucking gorilla from next door.

- The debt collector.

- Yeah, I've gone out to my car

and I found these in my tires.

- You're joking.

- No.

- I can't imagine you driving over these.

- Well I haven't have I?

This is the size of them.

The mechanic says someone's obviously

hammered them into my tires.

- Think it's him?

- Do you not remember, last summer he shot a cat.

- Oh yeah.

You're alright babe.

- Just want to go for a cigarette.

- I'll tell John you're in the toilet.

- [Jen] Cheers.

(light soft music)

- Hey Jenny, did you get my number?

I put it under your windscreen wipers.

- No I haven't got your number.

- I've got it again for you.

I got one of the girls in Aberdeen to laminate it.

- I don't want your number.

- Just take my number.

- I don't want your number.

- Take my number.

- Alright, look I'm gonna be late I need to go.

- Well give me a knock on your fag.

- No.

- Do you mind if I have it?

Call me anytime.

- Has anybody seen Jenny?

Has anybody seen Jenny?

- John, she's in the toilet, she's not well.

- I'll bet she's not, listen, if I get any calls

put them through to my mobile.

- [Karen] John can I see you for a minute?

- Not now Karen, I'm busy.

- I've got the farmer's management files here,

you said they were urgent.

- Listen to me, not now, I'm busy.

Speak to me about it later.

- John, John.

- Yeah.

- Sorry, I was just wondering if I could have a minute?

- Sure.

- Can I have tomorrow off?

- Why?

- My son's in hospital again and I really need to be there.

- Do you know much about charity?

- [Sally] What do you mean?

- It begins at home, not in the workplace.

We're here to make money, sorry.

- John I really need it off.

- Sick is he?

- Yeah.

- Sure, you'll need to come in on Saturday though.

Make up the time.

- Okay.

- And who knows, maybe we could do some staff training.

(dramatic music)

(soft elevator music)

(phone buzzing)

(soft elevator music)

So this is what counts as a toilet these days, is it?

- Look I'm sorry John.

- You know, you assured me, you told me that you could

get this job done and meet the deadline.

- Well hang on a minute, the job is gonna get done,

I've assured you, and I will hit the deadline.

I need five minutes to myself John.

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

The deadlines are tough and I can still get the job done.

- And it's a quarter to 10 and I haven't seen

any evidence of you working yet.

- John, I needed five minutes to get my head around things.

I needed a cigarette and a coffee.

I'm a little bit rough,

I've got a lot going on at the moment.

- Oh yeah, a little bit rough, good angle will have you.

I've got no sympathy for you.

- I don't fucking drink anymore John, okay I don't drink.

- Do you know what, as far as I can see on this one,

you're sinking and you're trying to take us all with you.

- I do not think so, you've given me a deadline

and I'll hit the deadline.

- Far as I can see, 50 grand a year.

I'm paying you 50 grand a year, 50 grand a year,

and you are not performing.

So get your act together.

Why do I bother employing you in the first place?

- Because I'm good at what I do.

- Get it sorted or your down the road.

- I will do, okay?

- Shit.

(elevator dings)

(thud)

(soft crying)

(door locking)

(water running)

(toilet flushing)

- What are you doing, get out.

- Just looking.

- Every time I turn around I see you

and that stupid goonie face, are you stalking me?

- I'm not stalking you, I was just,

I'm not good at talking to you.

- Yeah, of course, I bet you're one of those creepy little

shits that drills holes in walls so you can spy to people.

Invading my personal space.

- I just found it, I was looking who it belonged to.

- You are a liar.

- I'm not lying, I'm telling the truth.

- [Karen] Everything okay Jen?

- Karen, just caught him rooting through my bag.

- Alright Quasimodo, sling it off.

- Mind your own fucking business.

- Don't fucking point in my face.

- Karen, he's an otter, that's all, he's an otter.

- I don't know what's going on here, but I'll find out.

And when I do, we'll get it sorted, come on Jen.

- Jenny.

- [Karen] I just want you to cut her a bit of slack.

You know she's struggling.

- Well you know my thoughts on this.

I don't think she's ready.

I don't think she should be here.

- John, she's trying to rebuild her life.

Of course she should be here.

It's helping her.

- It's not helping me,

got no room in this outfit for dead weights.

If she falls apart over this, she's history.

- That's constructive dismissal, John.

In fact, you'll end up going to a tribunal for that.

- No I won't.

- No you won't, because I won't let it happen.

In fact, if you want, I'll get a union rep and then

we'll talk about it some more.

- No need for that.

I was only joking.

(dramatic music)

- Jenny.

- What the fuck are you doing?

- Jenny.

- Get out of my way.

- John, that's him again see, she's not making it up.

- [Jen] What you doing in here?

- Just come back to empty bins.

- Well you're bothering my staff so get out.

See what I mean John?

I'm not having it.

I want this reported, I want you to make an official.

- I'll mention it to the board.

- I want something doing now, you seen the state of her.

- I'll sort it, I'll sort it, Sally, get me the top man

on the phone, I'll take it in the office.

That's it, shows over, back to work everybody.

- John!

You alright?

- Yeah oh God I'm fine.

- Not having a very good day, are you?

- Challenges all the time you know.

(dramatic music)

(knocking)

- Alright gang, no time for lunch today I'm afraid,

far too busy, I'm gonna get down to the print room.

I want all the Barclay's team with me.

Casey get on the phone, get some sandwiches sent in.

Take it out of the petty cash.

Don't let it be said that I don't look after my staff.

And get a receipt as well.

- John before you leave.

- [John] What is it?

- Have you signed those checks?

- Yeah their on my desk.

- Right and Bill from video production was wondering

if you've approved the edit on that Barclay's job.

He needs to check it out and see if anything needs fixing.

- Edits, he doesn't need to make any changes.

What's wrong with the fucking edit?

Didn't he get my fucking memo?

Haven't got time for this.

- That's the problem isn't it John?

- What?

- You haven't got time for anything these days.

In fact, you took on that much workload,

you seem to be forgetting your priorities.

- Priorities, you want to watch what you're saying Karen.

You're on very thin ice at the moment.

- You employed me because I don't bullshit you, yeah.

When you took me on from day one, I was the one

who had to keep you grounded.

- And your point is?

- My point is, you seem to be forgetting who's put

you at the top and who's keeping you up there.

- Hang on a sec, I haven't got time for riddles.

- No you haven't got time for your staff either.

- I pay you to do a job.

- Yeah and thank you once in a while

won't go unmixed would it.

- You know I pay everybody really well in this office.

If I had to write fucking thank you letters every week

we'd never get anything done.

Now get on with the job that I pay you to do.

- I was just saying John.

- [John] Drop it Karen.

- Yeah but.

- Shut your big fucking mouth before I put something

in it to shut it.

- What did you just say?

- [John] You heard, get back to fucking work.

- I hope you're not saying that you'll shove

your dick in my mouth to shut me up.

Is that what you're saying John?

'Cause that is sexual harassment.

Is that what you're saying?

- If that's what it takes.

- [Karen] You shoving your little tiddler in my mouth

won't shut me up.

- Tiddler.

- Yeah John, I've seen it, if anything it'll just get

stuck between my teeth.

When I was a kid, and I used to warn maggots off my brother,

they were bigger than your fucking cock.

- Alright everybody, back to work.

- Whoops.

- It's time to get this sorted, and now.

You don't want to piss me off do you?

Fucking idiot.

(dramatic music)

- [Boss] It's not good Jenkenson.

This is not the sort of behavior I expect or would

tolerate from a member of my staff.

- Yes sir.

- I will not accept or tolerate your recent behavior.

I've been watching you.

- Frankly sir I haven't noticed.

- Oh yes, I consider myself somewhat of an expert

when it comes to covert operations.

- You're wasted here sir,

you should have had a career at MI-5.

- I beg your pardon.

Jenkenson, we are not here to discuss

my future career prospects.

- Yes sir.

- We've had a very serious complaint against you.

A complaint of sexual harassment.

- What?

- The fourth one this bloody month.

Why can you leave this young girl alone?

- It's just a mistake, just a misunderstanding.

- Jenkenson, remember, I've been watching you.

- It's just, I found a bag in the toilet sir.

I didn't know who's it was, so I was just having a look

through, just a misunderstanding, sir.

- What the hell are you on about Jenkenson?

We've just had a very very serious complaint

from a young lady who parked her car outside.

As she got out of the car, she says you inappropriately

groped her from behind.

Is this true, Jenkenson?

- Kind of.

- What?

- She kind of fell out of the car backwards into me, sir.

- And I suppose you were just in the right position

at the right time, were you.

- Suppose you could say I was in the right place

at the right time, sir.

- Jenkenson, this does not look good on paper.

I've got to ask you, are you a pervert?

- No I'm not.

- This company will not tolerate this level of behavior.

I'm shocked, I'm sickened by it all.

It's not just your future that concerns me.

Because of your stupid actions,

we could lose this whole contract.

I've got 17 other members of staff

that could now be consigned to the dole cue.

We've got to look at the larger picture here.

Working in an environment like this is no place

for a sexual predator like you.

I've looked at all the forms and I have no alternative

but to terminate your employment forthwith.

- Boss you can't do this to me.

- I have no alternative.

I have talked to your probation officer

and explained the situation.

Nice chap, but he's got a bit of a temper, hasn't he?

- What the fuck have you done that for?

They're gonna put me straight back inside now.

- I'm not being funny Jenkenson, you should have thought

about this before you touched this woman up.

I do not consider you to be ready to have even

left a prison environment.

I require your pass and I require

the jacket you're wearing as well.

- I need to stop by my locker.

- Oh don't you worry Jenkenson, we'll have those forwarded

to your new address, probably HM prisons.

- Fuck you.

- Fuck you weirdo.

(knocking)

Oh I forgot about you.

- [Woman] Can I come out yet, Mr. John?

- Not just yet my dear, we've got some unfinished

business to attend to.

I'd like you to take something down for me.

(zipper unzipping)

(dramatic music)

- Keep walking pal, if you're still there in five minutes,

I'm calling the police.

- Because you have the fucking cameras running,

I'd put you on your fucking ass.

- Piss off mate.

- You happy now?

- What?

- Just lost my fucking job 'cause of you.

What'd I ever do to you?

- You touched me this morning at the car.

I caught you peeking through my bag.

And you been harassing me, that's for starters.

- [Jenkenson] I fucking felt sorry for you,

but you're just the same

as every fucking one else, aren't you.

- Look I didn't mean for you to lose your job.

But you wouldn't leave me alone.

- Is that what happened in the pub that night?

Lead the wrong guy on you freaky bitch.

(slap)

- [Jen] What are you doing?

- You don't have any of this

if you'd have fucking left me alone.

(dramatic music)

(grunt)

Prick, come on get up.

- [Cop] All units, assault in progress.

Get to the front. (radio chatter)

- I get it, don't call me again.

- He's very lucky he caught me off guard.

I mean there's no telling what I would have done to him.

If my Army training had kicked in, they'd be scraping

him off the floor by now.

He's a very lucky man.

- Aren't you meant to be working?

Get a haircut.

- Might want to sue him for this you know.

- I don't think so.

- Could be a couple grand in it.

Look you're in shock, why don't you go home.

- I can't can I?

I've got that fucking presentation to do.

- He'll understand.

- You think so, do you?

- He's alright you know, he's a good boss.

- He doesn't want me here Sally,

he's never wanted me here.

He wants any excuse to get rid of me

and I'm not giving him one.

- Don't you think you're being a bit paranoid?

- Paranoid, you should have heard what he was saying

to me this morning.

With you he's alright, Mr. Nice Guy.

With me he's an absolute shit.

He's threatened to sack me this morning.

I'm not giving him any ammunition, I'm not.

No I'm not going home, I'm not.

- I'll go get you some water.

(clock ticking)

- You gonna make this deadline or not?

- Yes John the deadline will be met.

- So I can go home and concentrate on tomorrow's Barclay's

pitch and know that the circus account's gonna be okay.

- John, it's fine, I've never missed a deadline yet

and I don't intend to start now.

Okay we've gone through their days,

I've got a conference room too, it's gonna be done.

I'll see you tomorrow.

- Good, don't let me down, and don't work too late.

- Don't work too late.

Did you hear that?

Don't work too late, fucking prick.

It's gonna be here all night.

- Well I'm going home soon.

I'll give Sally a ring and get her to bring you some

pizza in a couple of hours 'cause I know you.

You won't eat.

- Yeah I know, cheers Katy.

Katy, what time did Karen leave?

- I think she left about an hour ago.

Someone said something about an accident

at home and that doesn't fit.

- I didn't see her leave, did you?

- No you mean you didn't hear her leave.

- She's loud, isn't she?

(light soft music)

(elevator dings)

- [Katy] Anyway you need to pace yourself.

Get yourself to the gym for 20 minutes,

recharge your batteries.

- You know I am actually gonna go to the gym.

- Yeah sure you will, see you later.

- See you later Katy, see you tomorrow.

- Oh yeah, it's Walken and Wise.

Did you tell the wife yet?

- Don't even go there, what the fuck has happened there?

- Well Cyclops, he's a right nutter that guy.

- I wouldn't want to mess with him,

he's a bit undone isn't it?

- I had to throw him out.

He's got the sack, well you know Jenny,

he was touching her up in the car park.

Well it all kicked off there didn't it?

You know he twated Jenny.

- Really?

- Oh yeah, out there, yeah.

So I had to escort him off the premises.

Luckily for me, with my Army training, I had to wipe

the floor with him and see him off.

I had to call the police, mind you, they're scared of him.

They won't go near him.

- We missed it all, hey.

- Right nutter.

- Oh shit man, well I knew he was deranged.

He had that look in his eye.

- Oh yeah exactly, that one eye.

It just says it all doesn't it.

- There's real written about him, you know killing

all those bank coppers who set him up.

- Get out, really?

- [Colin] Yeah.

- And that incident in prison with the acid in his face.

- Yeah well you know, it's a dangerous job we do, isn't it.

We take our life in our hands every day.

And I been saying this a long time,

we don't get paid enough.

- I know we don't.

- Doing this shit on a regular basis.

- And you got smashed in the eye.

- Well I know, but that was the missus.

She doesn't particularly like my poker playing

to say the least.

- See you always have to overdo it.

That's the trouble with you.

You always push it.

- You're alright though aren't you.

- I'm a bit shaken, but not stirred.

- You don't think he's gonna come back tonight do you?

- I don't know.

- Let's get behind the bridge.

- Here you come.

- I used to enjoy that brother, when I worked here.

No problems there, jacking over it.

- It's a bit like in Aliens, when their stuck in that pulpit

and they're trying to get in from everywhere.

Lockdown lads, don't let him in.

- We'll just have to see how it goes.

Well George is here to protect me, we'll be alright.

- [George] Like I always do.

- My money's on George.

- Other than that, it should be a quiet night.

- Yeah.

- [George] Colin are you stopping tonight?

- [Colin] Yeah, why?

- [George] Is that your bull in the out off?

- [Colin] Oh shit yeah.

- Right, I'm on my way, if he turns up, don't let him in,

and call the police.

- Who's taking care of the caretaker duties for tonight?

- Head office, they're sending someone over.

He should be here by now,

I don't know when he's gonna turn up.

Anyway, the building supervisor's in his office.

So he should be able to sort him out.

I'm off, I'll see you later.

- Alright, catch you later.

- Have a drink on me buddy.

Right Colin, fancy a laugh.

We'll find this fight on CCTV of Nigel's huh.

Never know, might pick up one or two tips

for next time that wife hits you.

- I don't know love.

I can't leave until he arrives.

When he does arrive, I'm off.

And I will telephone you before I send off, love.

Okay love you too, bye.

(muffled tv playing)

(coughing)

(whistling)

(muffled tv playing)

(upbeat music)

- [Colin] Did you record the match?

- I did, but I've not seen it yet.

- I didn't watch it, wife kicked off about 10 minutes

before it started, so you know.

- Okay man.

- You could say that again, I know the result as well.

- I don't know, I don't wanna know, so keep your gums shut.

- Alright, I'm just saying there's no point in me

watching it now, 'cause I already know the score.

- Do you fancy getting a kablong, yeah?

- Fuck off George.

We're bringing in gossoon next.

You wanna get yourself one of these better phones as well.

This is a good one.

- Nothing wrong with that phone I've got.

Sends calls, sends messages, does the job.

- Yeah but it's about 15 years old.

- It does the job.

- Yeah but you don't get the same kind of stuff I've got.

I got an app on it, it tells me different facts

every single day.

Do you know, if you wanna know the color of someones pubes,

look at their eyebrows.

It's the same color.

You didn't know that did you?

It's like I can actually envision it.

You can look at someone, women expect you to look

at their chest don't they, but you're not,

you're looking at their eyebrows.

But you've got your private secret information.

You know what color the box is.

- What happens if they shave them off?

- What do you mean shave them off?

- What if they shave their eyebrows off and use pencil?

What if they do it in blue or black or green?

Excuse me woman, you got a green bush?

Doesn't work, does it?

- No no I suppose not, but the majority of women

I know of, I thought they had natural eyebrows.

And then I thought what color the jars double is.

Do they really dye their eyebrows?

- Lots of them do.

- Who does?

- Daughter does, wife does.

- Well my missus doesn't.

- All actresses, all the big ones you see on telly,

they have their brow plucked and,

what you call it, threaded.

- I found it quite interesting, that's all.

- What happens if they shave them off?

How can you tell then?

They pencil them in.

- The box though is downstairs.

Oh it's madness to shave it downstairs.

I tell you it's like looking at a mountain bike seat.

Sure it's a bother looking at it.

- Oh fuck for crying out loud.

- Well you can tell an actual box can't you.

I know I've seen someone draw one, but I just thought

she had some kind of disorder.

Don't go looking at my wife's eyebrows when you see her.

- [George] I wouldn't think of it.

- Please don't.

- [George] Wouldn't dream of it.

- She's got a thick black bush.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.

Also, as well, get this one, you can prevent prostate

cancer by masturbating five times a day.

- Well it's you gonna live a long and healthy

life then isn't it.

- Well maybe if I get a couple more in by the end

of today then yeah.

It's a release though isn't it, better than a sneeze.

Right, go on then, what you up to.

- T2, the usual.

- T2 right, I'll be about five or 10 minutes.

I'm just gonna get number four in.

- Now wash your bloody hands.

- Alright, alright.

(growling)

(sinister laughing)

(dramatic music)

(radio chatter and snoring)

(ball bouncing)

(dramatic music)

(ball bouncing)

Here's another one for you there Georgie-boy,

you wear less when there is a full moon apparently.

(ball bouncing)

Elvis Presley, Judy Garland, and Jim Morrison

all died in the bathroom.

(dramatic music)

Whoa!

- What the blood hell was that?

- Where'd that come from?

Check the CCTV.

- Well apart from the supervisor, there's supposed

to be nobody in, but Jenny's there on the third floor.

- Who's there?

Hello?

I just think there's some weird shit going on around here.

- She couldn't have thrown that ball

and got over there in time.

- Oh no, where is she?

- [George] She's on the corridor there on the third floor.

She's just gone in the gym.

- You think we should go and keep an eye on her?

- We can do that from here.

- Yeah, zoom in there George-boy, zoom in.

(upbeat music)

(dramatic music)

(door creaking)

(upbeat music)

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

- What's she on there, a cross trainer?

- I haven't got a clue.

- Yeah got a lot of fat for you there, burns more calories

than running those.

You can see the legs move, and then the arms.

And the chest, it moves everything.

- Yeah, no you're right.

- She's getting better on that, isn't she.

- How do you know she's getting better?

- She told me, when she left,

about training and exercise and sweating.

(upbeat music)

I think I need to go and prevent prostate cancer.

- Come on.

(light soft music)

- That ball's freaked me out.

I don't know what's going on.

Should be nobody here, I can't see anybody.

- I'm sick of the weird things that happen to me here.

- Don't start going on about it, being haunted again.

- How do you know it's not haunted?

- Because it's not, it's you.

- I know it's a new building, but have you seen

that film Poltergeist?

Yeah they got rid of the gravestones,

but they left the bodies.

- They can't do that, they can't put new buildings

on old graveyards, they've got to dig 'em up

and rebury them.

- But I don't know what was on this site before.

- It was a foundry, it was an old mill.

- An old mill?

People can get buried under mills.

- She's doing alright isn't she.

- You're not kidding.

(bang)

- Oh what was that?

- I don't know, refresh it.

- I am doing it. (beeping)

It's not the settings, (beeping)

it's on the lens.

- You think it's the camera?

Best have a look out.

- Somethings got on the lens.

We need to go have a look at it.

- Right, I'm just gonna go to the toilet.

- You want to get that sorted out.

It's dangerous that, you know.

(upbeat drum music)

What the bloody hell are you wearing?

- I got it off eBay.

- What?

- I got it off eBay.

- Take that off, I can't hear a bloody word.

(coughing)

- I got it off eBay, it's fucking top.

- So you can go in there then, and what's with the gun?

- It's just a cap gun.

- Oh that's gonna do you well to go in there.

You gonna bang bang in the head?

- It's just for show.

You know if I've got a gun, they don't know.

- And if they've got a baseball bat?

Come on.

- Oh don't use the lift.

- Why?

- They'll hear us coming, they'll hear the ping.

Have to go up the stairs.

- Good point.

- Right.

- You better leave some of that crap down here as well.

- Alright okay.

(shower running)

(door clicks)

(heavy breathing)

You alright, you're not looking so good.

- Be alright, let me get my breath.

- Need to start getting some exercise.

According to my daily facts, one in five heart attacks

happen after slowly walking up stairs.

- I'm not having a fucking heart attack.

I'm catching my breath alright.

- I'm just watching out for you.

You're looking a bit shit.

- Have you looked in a fucking mirror lately, come on.

You ready?

- Um, can I just go off for a wee first?

- Again, you've just been.

- I'll only be a minute.

- Well you can wait there, there's a man to do this job.

- First rule about situations like this

is never split up.

- You been watching too many bloody horror films, you.

Wait there.

(dramatic music)

(banging)

Colin, help me lad, quickly.

Colin. (choking)

(laughter)

- You fucking bastard.

- I'm sorry I didn't expect you to do that.

I'm sorry, listen, have a look at this come on.

I think I solved the mystery of the camera.

- What is it?

- Looks like a trifle to me.

(dramatic music)

- It's vanilla.

- I don't give a shit what flavor it is.

Where's Jenny?

(dramatic music)

(suspenseful music)

- What was that?

I didn't just imagine that did I?

(banging)

(phone clicking)

- Go on then.

- What I'm not going on my own.

- It's your turn.

- Oh come on.

- You're a soft cat, people like you

shouldn't be with the security.

It sounds like it came from the shower room.

Bet Jenny's in the shower, slipped on the soap,

broke the glass and lays naked on the floor.

- She naked?

- Well could be.

- Tell you what, let me have a look.

I'll go because I need to rinse off my trousers.

- Thought you might.

(phone clicking)

(dramatic music)

- George are you there, over.

(dramatic music)

- [George] What's your situation, over.

- I'm at the shower room now,

I'm just gonna go and take a look, over.

(dramatic music)

Hello, this is security, is anyone there?

Jenny can you hear me?

We're just making sure you've not slipped and fallen.

Are you okay?

(dramatic music)

- Do I look like Jenny?

- Who the fuck are you?

- Charlie boy, I'm a clown.

- [Colin] A clown?

- Yes, everybody loves a clown.

- I fucking hate clowns.

- Is that why you pissed yourself again? (giggles)

(dramatic music)

Do you like flowers?

- What do you mean?

- Oh come on pissy pants, get with the program.

I'm a clown here to have fun and play.

Do you like flowers?

- I guess so, yeah.

- Have a sniff.

- A sniff?

- A sniff, yes, get your face down there for a sniff.

- I don't want to sniff your flower.

- Come on get your nose down there, have a sniff.

- No no, you'll squirt water in my face.

You can start off, I'm not doing that.

- No no not water, I swear there's no water in there.

Come on have a sniff, what's the worst that could happen?

- I don't want a sniff.

- Have a sniff.

- I don't want a sniff.

- Have a sniff.

- Oh, ow, you bastard, you said there was no water.

- There wasn't, it was bleach. (laughter)

Oh not any of the cheap shit I might add,

and I also put some corsnic in there

and some hydrochloric acid, just for good measure.

(wicked laughter and screaming)

(dramatic music)

(painful grunts)

Oh a nice shower will make you feel a lot better.

Actually, no it won't.

(dramatic music)

- Colin?

Colin is that you?

Colin?

Colin?

Hello?

- I'd like to stay and have fun with you

here in the shower, but I've got some more

people to kill, so I'm going to have to cut and run.

- [Colin] What?

- Cut and run.

(scream and gurgling)

(water running)

(scratching)

(door clicking)

(growling)

- Colin?

(heavy breathing)

(sinister laughing)

(heavy breathing)

(click)

Colin, is that you, over?

- Hey, what are you doing here, how did you get in?

And what's with the clown costume?

You come from a party?

What's your name?

- Name?

Names aren't important.

Friendship is.

(dramatic music)

- You must be the new caretaker.

- Yes. (electric shocking and laughter)

Do I look like a fucking caretaker?

(laughing and electric shocking)

You really should consider changing your energy company.

It's going to be a very expensive bill.

(laughing)

Bing bong, hello campers and bitch.

Now while your running around,

can I suggest you take plenty of water.

You see that little cocktail I gave you

has enough acid in it to bring down an elephant.

Coming to get you.

- Hey, how's he doing?

Okay, tell him his mommy loves him.

I'll be up in 20 minutes, I'll meet you at the hospital.

Okay bye hon.

George?

George?

George?

(dramatic music)

(water running)

(dramatic music)

- Do you mind?

(dramatic music)

(farting)

Excuse me. (laughter)

(dramatic music)

(door slamming)

(dramatic music)

(sinister laughing)

(dramatic music)

(light soft music)

(dramatic music)

Going down?

I do hope so.

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

Was it good for you?

Wasn't shit for me.

(upbeat music)

- No this isn't what it seems.

No Jenny, please.

(upbeat music)

Jenny where are you?

(upbeat music)

(door slamming)

Jenny.

(knocking)

(light soft music)

(bang)

(splattering)

(light soft music)

(splat)

(light soft music)

(dramatic music)

Thank God I found you.

(screaming and squishing)

What have you done?

- You bastard.

(dramatic music)

(sinister laughter)

(dramatic music)

- Hammer time.

(banging)

(dramatic music)

Remember me?

Charlie boy, from the party.

Remember we had fun didn't we.

I came on to you with your over made up face

and your small tits, yes.

I'll give you five, four, three, two, one, coming.

(dramatic music)

(squish)

(dramatic music)

Hello boys and girls, it's Charlie boy here

and Charlie boy junior.

Today we're making a program about killing people.

Yes if you look behind me, that old scrubber there.

Today me and Charlie boy are going to kill this woman.

First of all, we're going to wake her up.

(dramatic music)

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up.

(sinister laughter)

Charlie boy junior, you really are the rudest puppet ever.

I'm so sorry about him.

(screaming)

Why does she make so much noise?

I don't know, why are you making so much noise?

(screaming)

We're throwing a party for you.

I thought we were gonna kill her.

Oh Charlie boy now you spoiled it.

You spoiled the surprise.

I was going to tell you, I just never found the time.

But nevermind, we'll have a party first.

Now how should we kill her?

You see it was very easy when I raped you.

- No. (screaming)

- I just dropped my clown trousers and popped it in.

(screaming)

But killing someone is much harder.

What should we use?

I think we should get some acid, ha.

Acid's a good idea, what about that big knife.

A little slit here and a little slit there.

(screaming)

What about yourself, do you have a preference

how you'd like to be killed?

- No no.

(sinister laughter)

- Are you going somewhere? (laughter)

I don't fucking think so.

Right then, would you like some cake?

Let's get the party going first, eh?

We have all our friends here, hello everybody.

They don't say much do they?

Here we have Karen, you see what I did here?

I knew she wouldn't be able to keep

the surprise party a secret, so I made sure she would.

And lovely Colin, always making a tit of himself.

So I brought him some, it's purely symbolic.

And finally on the end here, I have vandalized her tits.

(screaming)

You really are being terribly ungrateful.

Right, this party is officially cancelled.

One thing left to do and that's to put you.

(crashing)

(upbeat music)

Get your fucking hands off me.

(upbeat music)

She's getting away Charlie boy, get the bitch.

(upbeat music)

The more you keep running, the more I'll enjoy it

when I catch you and rip your fucking head off.

(upbeat music)

(squealing and banging)

(upbeat music)

(groaning)

Fucking bitch.

(upbeat music)

- Oh she broke my bloody tooth.

Sure I've got my dentures.

(dramatic music)

- George, Colin?

(dramatic music)

- Why is it every time I fuck you,

you're either unconscious or dead.

- Lads, I've got some soup for you.

George?

What the fuck is that?

(squishing)

(water running)

George, Colin?

(dramatic music)

Lads got soup for you.

Come on, don't piss about, where are you?

(water running)

(dramatic music)

Who the fuck are you?

- Hi-Ya!

(banging)

- Where is he?

Get out.

- What the fuck are you doing here?

- You didn't stick to the fucking deal.

- Deal, I'm the lead character mate,

you're just a support actor.

- You might be the big boss around this fucking building

but when it comes to me and you.

- Shut up.

- I fucking brought you in on this.

You fucked it all up, you brought it

too fucking close to home.

- I drugged her, I raped her, I killed her, I raped her.

I'm in charge, and when you're the boss

you can get to do things like that.

Listen why don't you go do something useful.

I gotta put my makeup back on.

- I think you're missing a good whipping tonight.

- What?

(dramatic music)

(laughter and screaming)

- Not a big man now are you?

Come on, who's a big man now?

(screaming)

Who's a big man now?

(screaming)

(dramatic music)

- Hello, police please.

Hello, police, there's been a murder.

Yeah, at the Northside Business Center.

Me, I'm Nigel, I'm the security guard, I work here.

Yeah, the other guards, they've been killed.

There's blood everywhere.

There's a bloke in the toilet dressed as a clown

wiping blood off his hands.

Yeah I said a clown.

Hello, hello, hello?

(thud)

What's happened, what's going on?

What the fuck is that guy doing in there dressed as a clown?

- It's John.

- [Nigel] John, John who?

- John the boss, the owner of this place, he's gone insane.

He's killed Jenny.

- Jenny, the bird you lost your job over?

- He set me up, he's made it look like it's all me.

But he's insane.

- God I didn't realize.

- He's fucking killed your mates as well.

- Let's get you up and get you out of here.

(dramatic music)

Shame about that tall bird.

(grunting)

Come on with me to the lift, easy easy.

(light soft music)

- [Cyclops] Look I'm sorry about your mates,

they were alright.

And I'm sorry I hit you as well.

- Nah don't worry about it, I totally understand

why you lashed out now.

I mean you were the innocent victim in all of this.

I mean if it happened to me,

I probably would have got a bit annoyed myself.

I'm just glad you turned out to be one of the good guys.

(dramatic music)

Anyway, let's have a warm cup of soup

while we wait for the police to arrive.

(dramatic music)

- Soup, good for starters.

(dramatic music)

- [Doctor] Whoever did this certainly knew

exactly what they were doing.

Were you first on the scene?

- [Cop] Yes sir, she was found in a cubicle at closing time.

- [Doctor] You any idea how long she'd been there

or what she'd taken?

- [Cop] About two hours,

we're checking the CCTV footage now.

We think that she had her drink spiked,

we're not sure what with.

- [Doctor] We'll have toxicology back soon.

Whatever she's taken, she seems to be fighting it.

The levels of brain activity indicate locked in syndrome.

Her body is shutting down but her mind is still active.

- [Cop] What's the prognosis doctor,

do you think she'll make it?

- She's in the best place possible.

I'll try and give her all the attention she needs

to make a full recovery.

- Thank you doctor, I'll leave you to it then.

I'll go start on the reports.

- Yes yes yes, have a little faith.

I've never lost one yet. (sinister laughter)

(upbeat music)