Original subtitles

This Fourth of July will mark America's 250th birthday.

To honor this moment, we want to take a look back

at some of the events, people, and ideas

that helped shape and preserve our grand experiment in self-government.

Our Founding Fathers drafted a charter

to guarantee the rule of law and the rights of man.

Together, they established a new nation,

one where power resided not with a monarch,

but with ordinary citizens.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident," they wrote.

"That all men are created equal."

It was a radical idea, revolutionary even.

But what truly makes America unique

is the fact that we've always been a work in progress.

We're not perfect.

We can be irascible, petty, selfish, cheap.

And let's face it, some of us

will always find something to complain about.

But as Americans,

we have always found a way to overcome these naysayers,

these deeply unpleasant people who stood in the way of progress.

These miserable, intolerable... Did I mention petty?

- Wretched-- - Hey, none of that's in the script!

By the winter of 1775, the Continental Congress realized

that independence from Britain was the only course of action.

A committee of five was charged with drafting an announcement

explaining the reasons for the rejection of the monarchy,

a declaration of independence.

They were John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin,

Roger Sherman, and Robert Livingston.

It's common knowledge that Thomas Jefferson wrote the first draft.

But actually, it was Robert Livingston who took the first crack at it.

And some say that's exactly what he was on when he wrote it.

Gentlemen of the Continental Congress,

we finally have a first draft of the Declaration of Independence,

written by our esteemed colleague, Robert Livingston.

- Here, here. - Well done.

Well done.

Really didn't take me that long. Only used two quills.

- Two quills. - We are in gratitude.

Stop it.

But we agreed that we would only have 27 grievances.

Then all of a sudden you added all of these other grievances.

Agreed. There are several, and they are beyond perplexing.

Mr. Jefferson, I don't think that we want to limit Rembrandt

on how many colors he can use when he paints. Do we?

But we just have a few questions about some of the things that you wrote.

Like, "If someone invites you to a dinner party,

you are legally within your rights as an American citizen

to ask who is coming to that dinner party before you accept."

Don't you want to know

who you're going to be spending your evening sitting next to?

I got invited to a dinner at Madison's a few weeks ago.

Alexander Hamilton was at the same table.

Did I get a chance to talk to Hamilton?

No, because I was seated next to Madison's uncle,

a tobacco farmer from Virginia.

What a waste of time that was,

plus the two hours getting there in the coach.

Why leave the house? Takes two hours to get everywhere.

I wish I could put that in the document.

Robert, you want to put into this Declaration of Independence,

"It is illegal to share an umbrella."

If it's raining, bring your own umbrella. Don't infringe on someone else's.

What if the umbrella holder offers to share the umbrella?

Well, if he does, he's only doing it to be nice.

He doesn't want to share it. It's not right.

You forgot your umbrella? Too bad. Too bad.

Get wet. Live with it. Don't get somebody else wet

'cause you're too stupid to bring your own.

Sir, "After January 7th,

it is illegal to wish anyone a Happy New Year"?

Precisely, Adams.

Even if it is the first time

you're encountering the person in the New Year?

That's right, Franklin. Even if it's the first time.

These "Happy New Years," they go on endlessly and endlessly.

January 20th, "Happy New Year." January 25th, "Happy New Year."

January 31st, "Ha--" When... When does it end?

Why is this in here?

"It is illegal to take deep breaths outside."

Well, it should be.

You want to see people walking around going...

"What a beautiful day."

Here's another gem. "No sharing desserts."

"If you want a dessert, order it. None of this, 'Pass it around.'"

We're not animals, Mr. Franklin, all eating out of a trough.

We could all have our own forks.

Then we'll all take bites, put the forks in our mouths,

put it back in the pie after it's been in our mouths.

Mr. Franklin, it's unsanitary.

Sometimes I don't want a whole slice of pie.

I just want a taste of pie.

Get your own damn piece of pie, Franklin!

"If you pick a line...

you have to stay in it"?

Of course, you have to stay in it. Otherwise, it's just-- It's chaos.

"That line's moving faster. I'll go over here."

"Oh, no. I don't want to go here." And now, all of a sudden,

you're bumping into people, and fights break out,

all because people want to get on the line that's moving faster?

No. You pick your line, you stay in your line.

- That's how it works. - I disagree with that,

and I don't think it should be in this document.

Oh, yeah, you don't like that, Hancock?

I guess because you don't have to wait in line.

You have your servants doing that for you. I have servants.

Do I treat them fairly? I like to think so.

Do I spare the lash? Not always.

It's fun. It's fun, the lashing.

You smack 'em, you smack 'em, you smack 'em,

you hear a little whimper, and then you stop.

"Men shall refrain from fanning themselves in public"?

Does anybody really want to see this?

This is something you want to see men do?

This? This motion?

Mr. Adams, I submit to you, do you want your son fanning?

As I thought.

He doesn't want his son fanning. I don't want my son fanning.

I don't think any of you people want your sons fanning.

- Who's with me? Yea or nay? - Nay!

Here's another that should not go in.

"It's illegal to tell someone about your dream."

"No matter how interesting it may seem to the dreamer,

the others have no interest in hearing about it."

Gentlemen, we have a lifespan of 38 years on this earth!

And we're going to waste it listening to other people's dreams?

I don't think so.

- I am 70 years on this earth, you fop. - Seventy?

Apparently engaging in cunnilingus with French women keeps one young.

You, sir, have discovered the fountain of youth.

My congratulations to you.

"There should be a national ban on toasting"?

"No gratuities"?

"If you begin a new health routine, keep it to yourself"?

"If you visit England,

don't suddenly return with an English accent."

"It is illegal to stroke one's beard"?

That should be in the document.

Here's a truth I hold to be self-evident. You, sir, are an imbecile.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, what are we doing?

These are barely grievances. They are petty complaints,

and they have nothing to do with a declaration of independence

from England and tyranny.

- Here, here! - Here, here!

This is not just a declaration of independence.

This is a declaration of common sense.

In 250 years, our descendants will thank us

for the great work that we've done here,

making their lives immeasurably better.

Gentlemen, are you with me?

- Yea or nay? - Nay!

A thousand times nay.

Mr. Livingston, thank you so much for all of your hard work,

but I don't think that any of this is going into our declaration.

- Jefferson, want to take a shot? - Yeah, I'll do it.

I won't be using any of this,

especially, "No clapping along to the music

and expecting others to join in."

- Marshals, escort him out. - That won't be necessary.

Because I don't want to live in a country where people share umbrellas,

take deep breaths outside,

change lines willy-nilly,

fan themselves, stroke their beards,

share dreams, and desserts.

Happy New Year, assholes!

On March 7th, 1876,

Alexander Graham Bell successfully received a patent

for a device he called the telephone.

Days later, in front of the public,

he made the first ever telephone call to his assistant, Thomas Watson.

The first phone call was a glorious day for American innovation.

Alas, not so much for Bell.

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.

On behalf of my wife, Mabel, I would like to welcome you to our home.

Thank you for coming.

What you are about to witness has never been seen before

in human history.

I give you...

the telephone.

My assistant Watson is in another building,

out of sight and sound.

But with this device,

I will be able to communicate with him...

as if he was standing right next to me.

I will pick up the phone on my side, and it will ring on his.

What kind of ring?

Normal ring. It's just a ring. It's a ring.

It's a typical ring.

Maybe there could be a menu of rings that people could choose from.

Oh, yes. I would like mine to sound like a doorbell.

I'd like mine to sound like a clown horn.

Or perhaps a bicycle ring, you know?

All wonderful ideas, but hardly the point.

The point is, I'll be able to communicate with someone who is miles away.

What if I'm at a piano recital, say,

and I don't want it to ring, so it just vibrates

like a... like a Jew's harp in your pocket?

Oh, yes.

That's just a fascinating idea.

- What if you could send short little-- - What if you invent your own?

Go off and invent your own.

That's not this.

You want something that vibrates? Go!

Go invent it! This is all nonsense!

Does anybody else have anything else they'd like to add?

- Are colors available? - Or could it play like a song?

Are you done? Would you like to see a demonstration?

- Yes, yes. - Please.

We don't know why it's taking so long.

Would you please get out?

- Me? - You.

- Yes, you. You. You! - Okay. Thank you. Lovely party.

- Get out! - Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Get out! - Thanks.

Who the hell is she?

- I have no idea-- - What is she doing here?

I hate her! I don't even feel like doing it now.

- Please! - I don't even want to do it.

Yes, you do want to do it.

You worked on it night and day for months and months.

Sorry, I just thought of one more thing that would be so fun--

Shut up!

- Do you want to see this or not? - Yes, very much.

Really? 'Cause it doesn't seem like you do.

- Everybody-- - It doesn't seem like you do.

It seems like you just want to hear yourselves talk.

Is that what you want? Is that what you came here for?

- God damn it! - Darling.

Fucking assholes!

Mr. Watson, can you hear me?

Indeed I can, Alexander.

He can hear me! He can hear me!

Watson!

This is a step forward in science and communication.

I could not have done it without your able assistance.

It is a time for celebration.

Indeed.

So...

What are... What are you doing?

Not a lot.

I'm sitting on a chair.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, me too. Me too. I'm on a chair.

Well...

Okay. Okay.

Alexander, do you remember when we went to that science convention?

- Where was that? - Cleveland.

We were at that hotel.

Do you remember all of the hedges, the topiary work that was done?

That landscaper was amazing.

- Yes, it was-- - There were elephants and seals,

- and there was the giraffe... - Yeah.

...and I think they used a tree for the giraffe's neck,

which I don't think it's fair.

I think when you are doing topiary work, you should be a purist.

- You only use the hedges. - Yeah, okay, all right--

And the gardens! The gardens were beautiful.

You picked some lilies, which I didn't think was right.

Yeah, all right. Okay.

- But you don't pick flowers... - All right, we're good.

- ...from someone else's garden. - We're good. I gotta take off, but--

You know what I've been meaning to tell you?

Yeah, all right. Watson, I got some people here. I gotta get going.

- My cousin sent me a letter. - Oh, my God.

He met some people with the last name Grahamm, but two M's.

I put the letter aside.

You don't spell it ever with two Ms, do you?

- Watson, shut up! - No. Why would you--

- Shut up, Watson. - That's a hat on a hat.

Okay, they got two M's.

- Yeah, but see-- - Watson, I got people here.

- You know, you only-- - I gotta get off the phone.

You only use two M's if you have to say "mm," or "yummy."

Do you know any Grahams that spell with two M's?

No, I don't know any Grahams. I don't know any Grahams with one M!

I don't know any Grahamms with two M's!

I don't know any Grahammms with three M's!

I think we got cut off.

Do you remember the ducks and the little ducklings followed behind?

But that was adorable. It just hit me when we were off--

The First World War began in 1914

and pitted the Central Powers, Germany, Austria-Hungary,

Bulgaria and the Ottoman Empire, against the Allied powers,

France, Russia, Italy, Great Britain, Romania,

Canada, and Japan.

The United States joined the Allies in 1917

after Germany sank many American ships,

including the luxury cruise liner, The Lusitania,

which carried hundreds of American passengers.

Nothing encapsulates the horrors of this war

more than trench warfare,

with its unprecedented levels of destruction and carnage.

By the end of the war, more than 16 million people were dead.

So many soldiers bravely fought and died for their country.

Of course, there were exceptions.

I don't think I can do this.

I've lost so many friends already.

The good news is now you don't have to worry about keeping in touch.

Hey, if I don't make it back, I need you to do me a big favor.

Can you... Can you deliver this letter to my girl, Greta?

Me?

I have a few more lines I need to get down.

Listen, I'm very flattered.

That's very nice of you to think of me in that light,

but you got the wrong guy. I'm a-- I'm very irresponsible.

I... I lose stuff all the time.

One day, I was looking around for my glasses,

and they were on my head the whole day.

- I was looking for hours and hours. - Incoming!

- It has to be you. Please. - I can mail it, right?

No, I need you to deliver this in person.

- Where does she live? - Albuquerque.

Albuquerque? Are you kidding?

Thanks, David. I'm gonna go finish this up.

Hey! Albuquerque?

I-- Why don't you get Wojokowski? He lives in Santa Fe.

- Wojo! Anybody seen Wojo? - No, sorry.

- You seen Wojo? - No, no.

I was just saying I can't wait to get back home to my Daisy.

That's what's waiting for me.

- Yeah. - What does that noise mean?

Yeah. Yeah.

- She's all right. - Do you not think she's pretty?

- No. Yeah, she's all right. Yeah. - She's "all right"?

- Yeah, if you like her. You like her? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- There you go. - Okay.

- Okay. - But you don't think she's pretty?

I would take her to the movies if she paid.

If she didn't pay...

not so sure.

I don't know. Hey, she's not my type.

- Right. - We all have types.

- Okay. - She's your type.

Yeah, what's your type?

Yeah. Yeah.

More noises. Why are-- Why?

- Sometimes noises can be very expressive. - How hard is it to just say yes?

I say, "Is she pretty?" You say, "Yes," and we move on.

Yeah, yeah. You know, you startled me into honesty.

If you had come up to me ten minutes ago and said,

"Hey, in ten minutes, I'm gonna show you a picture of my girlfriend,"

I could have come up with a lie that would have made you very happy.

So, it's my fault?

- What does the noise mean? - Most likely.

- All right, men. It's time. - It's Sarge.

I need you to say your prayers and prepare to charge.

On my command, you will go over the top into no man's land.

You will sprint through a hail of bullets, and you will get to Fritz

and you will go doolally on those bastards--

We're gonna doolally. I'm a doolally-er.

- I'm a doolally-er. - Can I get a doolally?

- A doolally. - Doolally!

Are you ready to go lick the Kaiser?

Lick a, lick a, lick a, lick a! Lick 'em. Lick the Kaiser.

- Charge. - Charge.

Up and over. Over the top. Come on, men.

- Let's go. - After you. Go ahead. After you.

Come on, David. Get up there.

- Come on. Keep going. - Mommy!

Private David, move your ass!

Come on, men! Let's go!

Keep moving!

Private Wallace, stop playing with yourself and move out.

Yes, sir.

Just a sec, Sarge.

All right.

I'm alive!

Oh, my God!

- I'm alive! Thank you, God! - What happened?

- What happened? - What? I got shot! I got shot!

Where? I don't see a... a bullet hole anywhere.

Wow.

The bullet must have gone right through me. It's a miracle.

- I'll get the medic. - The medic? No, no, no, no.

Don't bother the medic. He's got limbs to saw off.

He's got a lot of work to do. No medics whatsoever.

You seem totally fine.

You know what must have happened?

I think a bullet whizzed by my head.

Yeah.

- And I lost consciousness. - Wow.

You seem really, very, very healthy, put together.

I was dead. I believed I was dead.

- But no bullet, but dead. - No.

You know, I thought it was the afterlife.

You're still kind of trapped in your own head in the afterlife.

You're still yourself, a person you don't really like that much.

So, the afterlife is no bonus.

There is an afterlife, but not the bonus that you would want.

- Can I propose a different theory? - Sure.

I think you pretended to get shot and then laid down there

while the rest of us were getting shot at.

That is, without a doubt, the most insulting, disgusting thing

anyone has ever said to me in my life.

How dare you? How dare you?

Okay. I think I get it.

This is about what I said about Daisy, right?

Yeah, for sure. I've really been thinking about it.

And I've been reevaluating the entire situation.

And my assessment was so off.

I don't even know what I was talking about.

She's a beauty. Do you realize how lucky you are?

Not only would I take her to the movies and pay for her,

I would take her to dinner and pay for her.

I would buy champagne, and I would walk her to her door.

And if she invited me in, well, you better believe...

- No, no, no, no, no. Too far. - ...I would go running in.

- It's too far. That is too far. - I would go--

Is there a way to make a copy of a picture like that?

No. So, you didn't pretend to get shot and then lay on the ground

- like a little baby? - Fuck, no.

Fuck that! Come on, man.

- I'll charge anytime. - Really?

- I love war. - You love it?

This... This to me, this is living.

- This is living. - Right.

- I feel alive. - You know what? This is perfect.

You should volunteer to lead the next charge.

No, I'm... I'm... I'm a charger, not a leader.

- Hey, Sarge. - Hey, what the fuck?

- David wants to lead the charge. - I never s-- No, I'm not a leader.

- That's outstanding. - I'm a charger.

- I'm not a leader. - I didn't think you had the balls.

- I'm not-- I don't. I don't. - It appears that you do.

No, no, but I don't. He's... He's just saying that.

- Come on. Show us your balls. - I... I don't--

- Come on. - I-- What?

- Are you crazy? - Come on. Come on now.

I can't lead a charge.

First of all, I have a limp and very undependable bowels.

Easy.

Private David, seems I underestimated you.

Here you are. You're gonna lead us into battle.

- What? Me? - That's right.

I... I can't carry the flag. I'm too full from breakfast.

- Nonsense. - What?

You're the standard bearer for the regiment.

- Carry the flag? - That's right.

It's like carrying a banner that says, "Shoot me."

- It's an honor. - What? It's an--

I... I don't need any honors. I'm a very modest person.

- Take the flag. - No, you take it.

- You take it. You! - No, no.

- Sarge wants me to take a look. - All right.

Jesus! Half a hard-on, bastard! You're gonna take this flag,

or I'm gonna stuff this pole up your ass.

Okay.

They shot Wallace.

In person.

On December 1st, 1955,

Rosa Parks was coming home by bus in Montgomery, Alabama,

when she refused to give up her seat to a white man

in violation of the city's "Negroes in back" policy,

where the front of the bus was reserved for whites only.

But Rosa would not move.

She was arrested,

and her actions inspired the Black community

to organize the Montgomery Bus Boycott, led by a young Martin Luther King, Jr.

It lasted more than a year

until the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that bus segregation was unconstitutional.

What Rosa Parks did on that bus

made her a nationally recognized symbol of dignity and strength

in the struggle to end racial segregation.

But it's a little-known fact that she had tried this once before.

Excuse me?

Driver.

- Get on to the back. - No.

- I said to get on to the back of the bus. - And I said, "No."

Well, I'm gonna have to have you arrested.

- Well, go on and do so. - All right, then.

Seriously, we're not doing this, okay? I'm very comfortable here.

If she gets up, that means I have to get up.

And then he's gonna slide in. He may even want the aisle seat.

Maybe I'll get in a fight with him. It's ridiculous.

She's sitting here. Get in the back. Come on.

Move it out. You too. You, go ahead. Drive. Come on.

Yeah, "tch" you. Go ahead.

- That was very kind. - Needed to be said.

Amen.

Where you heading?

- The market. - The market?

Do a big shop. You got a big shop going? Is it a big shop?

- No. - What are you gonna get?

Vegetables, some peaches.

What's your name?

- Rosa. - I'm Murray.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, Rosa.

You know, I had an Aunt Rosa.

Lovely woman. And I must say, she was quite voluptuous.

She had a bawdy sense of humor.

You could see how that could spark the imagination of a 12-year-old boy.

About your own aunt?

- Yeah. - Did she marry into the family?

Oh, no. My mother's sister.

Would you do me a favor? I just want to take this sweater off.

Could you pull that sleeve?

Sir, it's...

- You-- - You're sweating a little bit.

- Thank you. That's better. - All right. There you go.

Thank you.

Let me ask you this question. You're in somebody's house,

and your back is really itching.

If you saw a back scratcher, would you use the back scratcher,

or would you rub it against a corner and try and, you know, get it...

get it yourself?

- No, I... I wouldn't use it. - Oh, yeah.

That's like using someone's toothbrush.

I disagree, Rosa. The back is not a mouth.

How about this? If there wasn't a back scratcher,

you know what I would do? I'd go into the kitchen, I'd get a fork,

- I'd go into the bathroom... - No.

...scratch the back...

- Jesus. - ...wash the fork, return it,

and, oh, boy, Rosa, there's no greater feeling in the world

than scratching your back with a fork.

- There you go. Problem solved. - You have anything to read?

No.

I guess I should bring stuff to read on the bus, right?

Instead of just sitting here looking around like an idiot.

- I like to read. - Do you live alone?

You know, Rosa, I do.

I have a lot of plants.

Most of them are dead because I ignore them.

And I have a parakeet who says my name.

"Murray! Murray! Murray! Murray!"

"Murray! Murray!"

- "How's Murray?" - You like the sound of your own voice?

Very much so.

Hey, Rosa, who's Paul Bunyan?

Do we like him or not? I know he was a big guy.

People tell me you can't eat all parts of a lobster,

- but I don't find that to be true. - What?

You never see a pie cooling on a windowsill

like you do in the movies.

And believe me, I've looked in a lot of windows.

Why are you looking through windows? For a pie?

Did you see Dragnet last night? I knew who did it from the first minute.

- Might I ask you a question? - Jesus.

If you got robbed,

would you prefer that it was a Black man or a white man who robbed you?

Good question, right? Very interesting. Think about it.

The sociological aspects of that.

Why would I want to think about being robbed?

- I know, but if you had to. Interesting-- - Why do you think about these things?

- It just... It just occurred to me. - Are you a praying man?

- I think it's a waste of time, really. - We should pray for your thoughts.

- Pray for my thoughts? - Yes.

- It might bring you some peace and quiet. - Do you sense I need peace?

- I do. - What gives you that impression?

Just about everything.

- Okay. - Come on.

- We gonna close our eyes? Come on now. - Close my eyes?

- Okay. My eyes are closed. Okay, yeah. - Close your eyes.

Oh, Father God, we pray for Mr. Murray today, Lord.

Usher in your spirit. Cover him.

Bring him peace of mind, God.

- Yeah. - Silence his thoughts.

And now, Murray, would you like to share anything with the Lord?

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah. - Yeah, you take over.

Yeah, you know, Lord, you must be aware

that I really haven't had sex in about eight years, so...

- Oh, Jesus. - You know that.

So maybe you could help me out a little bit, send somebody my way.

You know, I'm not that particular. She could be a little overweight.

Don't send me an elephant, of course, but, you know,

reasonably overweight is fine. I don't care.

Maybe even a redhead would be nice.

You know, I... I don't-- Yeah, redhead.

Hey, Rosa. Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to the back of the bus, but you keep praying, Murray.

Come on, y'all. Deal me in.

Anyway, like I was saying, a redhead, that would be spectacular.

Really. Not too many freckles, though.