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1
00:00:02,411 --> 00:00:04,378
(angry muttering)
2
00:00:10,035 --> 00:00:11,302
(exclaims)
3
00:00:16,425 --> 00:00:18,685
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:19,977
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:21,380 --> 00:00:22,597
D'oh!
6
00:00:22,598 --> 00:00:23,857
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:25,399
(grunts)
8
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,201
MAN (laughs):
Ha-ha-ha!
9
00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:44,861
And that's why, if you go
to that little town in France,
10
00:00:44,862 --> 00:00:47,530
there's a statue of me
surrendering.
11
00:00:47,531 --> 00:00:49,699
See?
12
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:53,369
Wow, Grampa, your stories
are really cool today.
13
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:56,581
Yeah, the nursing home finally
stopped using me as the placebo
14
00:00:56,582 --> 00:00:59,709
and gave me real meds.
(laughs)
15
00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:00,851
(rapid clicking)
16
00:01:03,547 --> 00:01:06,975
But what I really wanted to do
today was to give you this,
17
00:01:06,976 --> 00:01:09,761
my most precious possession.
18
00:01:09,762 --> 00:01:12,263
(eerily):
Open it.
19
00:01:12,264 --> 00:01:14,615
♪ ♪
20
00:01:15,651 --> 00:01:17,861
(gasps)
21
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:21,064
It'll explode in just five
seconds if you pull the pin.
22
00:01:21,065 --> 00:01:22,749
Uh-oh. Senior moment!
23
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,442
Put it back! Put it back!
24
00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:26,995
It don't work that way!
It's like having a kid!
25
00:01:26,996 --> 00:01:28,738
(both scream)
26
00:01:28,739 --> 00:01:31,258
- Say your prayers, boy.
- Never!
27
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,834
(whimpers)
28
00:01:32,835 --> 00:01:34,169
Hmm?
29
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:36,746
Ha, ha! I pranked ya.
30
00:01:36,747 --> 00:01:38,307
(laughing)
31
00:01:38,308 --> 00:01:40,342
Grampa, that was hilarious.
32
00:01:40,343 --> 00:01:41,768
I understand if the answer's no,
33
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:44,438
but can I borrow
your dud grenade?
34
00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:46,130
(snoring)
35
00:01:46,131 --> 00:01:48,183
Aw, he's asleep.
36
00:01:48,184 --> 00:01:50,026
That means yes.
37
00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:56,140
(whistling a tune)
38
00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:58,785
This year, we've just been named
the most sedentary school
39
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,645
- in the state.
- STUDENTS: Yay!
40
00:02:00,646 --> 00:02:02,480
Yay!
41
00:02:02,481 --> 00:02:04,532
No. No, no.
Sedentary is a bad thing.
42
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:07,151
Our vocabulary score
was also abysmal.
43
00:02:07,152 --> 00:02:09,037
- Is that a bad...
- It's a bad thing, yes.
44
00:02:09,038 --> 00:02:10,446
- RALPH: Yay!
- Now to get you kids
45
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,207
up on your feet,
we decided to have
46
00:02:12,208 --> 00:02:14,951
a two-hour-long sit-down
assembly instead of recess.
47
00:02:14,952 --> 00:02:16,160
No fair!
48
00:02:16,161 --> 00:02:19,163
- Sit down.
- Yes... ma'am.
49
00:02:19,164 --> 00:02:21,216
To kick things off,
please welcome the new mascot
50
00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:24,961
from the town's semi-amateur
hockey team, Vinnie the Vulture.
51
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:27,588
- RALPH: Yay!
- (fanfare plays)
52
00:02:27,589 --> 00:02:29,132
(grunts)
Hey, kids.
53
00:02:29,133 --> 00:02:32,060
Milhouse, you didn't tell me
your dad got another bad job.
54
00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:34,512
Actually, he's the understudy.
55
00:02:34,513 --> 00:02:36,564
The main guy got shingles.
56
00:02:36,565 --> 00:02:37,974
(grunting)
57
00:02:37,975 --> 00:02:39,826
Ugh, there's a bee in my beak!
58
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,853
Okay, taking a break. Ow!
59
00:02:41,854 --> 00:02:44,355
How many... ow! How many stingers
can one be have?!
60
00:02:44,356 --> 00:02:45,999
- God!
- Uh...
61
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,667
How about a little
show-and-tell?
62
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,411
I'll go first!
63
00:02:49,412 --> 00:02:51,821
- (students gasp)
- Don't worry.
64
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:53,915
It is a live grenade,
but it won't go off
65
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:56,701
as long as you don't
pull the pin out.
66
00:02:56,702 --> 00:02:58,010
(gasps)
Ay, caramba!
67
00:02:59,705 --> 00:03:00,922
(groans)
68
00:03:00,923 --> 00:03:03,258
(students screaming, clamoring)
69
00:03:03,259 --> 00:03:05,309
Climb in my ass hatch, son.
70
00:03:06,545 --> 00:03:07,595
(grunting)
71
00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:08,646
(gasps)
72
00:03:09,765 --> 00:03:11,649
♪ ♪
73
00:03:15,104 --> 00:03:16,721
(Bart laughs)
74
00:03:16,722 --> 00:03:19,348
It was all just a joke.
75
00:03:19,349 --> 00:03:21,392
You monster.
You had me finally believing
76
00:03:21,393 --> 00:03:24,779
the school would be destroyed,
and you took it away.
77
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,732
I didn't think
it was funny either, Bart.
78
00:03:27,733 --> 00:03:31,711
You have no idea
how far up in there I went.
79
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,003
(siren wails)
80
00:03:35,073 --> 00:03:38,552
Mom, you heard there was
an emergency and you came?
81
00:03:38,553 --> 00:03:41,129
Oh, well, actually,
I was just having a sleepover
82
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,013
with your uncle...
moustache over there.
83
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,059
- (laughs)
- Mom,
84
00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,970
you promised you'd never show up
at school drunk again.
85
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:52,423
I'm not gonna lie,
I am in a shame spiral,
86
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:55,051
hanging out
with lowlifes and bums.
87
00:03:55,052 --> 00:03:56,427
Hey, Gary.
88
00:03:56,428 --> 00:03:58,721
This is to not say my name.
89
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,723
Payday!
90
00:04:00,724 --> 00:04:04,101
Nelson, I'm gonna go take
a nap in your locker.
91
00:04:04,102 --> 00:04:05,327
Freedom!
92
00:04:07,272 --> 00:04:10,083
(snoring)
93
00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,252
Son, you forced this man
to jump on the grenade
94
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,070
seconds before I was going to.
95
00:04:14,071 --> 00:04:15,422
Well, Simpson, thanks to you,
96
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:17,999
now no one can
bring grenades to school.
97
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,619
This time, you will be expelled,
never to return.
98
00:04:21,620 --> 00:04:23,454
Please don't expel him.
99
00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:25,840
He's got nowhere to go.
100
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:28,251
Bart Simpson,
I hereby declare you...
101
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:31,104
Wait. I've lived next
to this boy for years.
102
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,181
There's good in him. Let me
work with him after school.
103
00:04:33,182 --> 00:04:34,974
I'll improve him
with the three P's:
104
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,760
persistence, prayer
and persistent prayer.
105
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,470
Oh, God, you're one of those.
106
00:04:39,471 --> 00:04:42,265
- Dear Lord...
- Don't kneel. Don't kneel!
107
00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:44,492
We're in a public school,
for God's sake!
108
00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:47,695
"Engel v. Vitale, 1962.
109
00:04:47,696 --> 00:04:49,864
The Supreme Court
asserts that..."
110
00:04:49,865 --> 00:04:52,700
Superintendent, you are about
to be on the business end
111
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,443
of a prayer chain.
112
00:04:54,444 --> 00:04:56,704
"As a part of
a religious program carried on
113
00:04:56,705 --> 00:04:58,614
by government,
it is a matter of history..."
114
00:04:58,615 --> 00:05:01,709
My love of prayer is reflected
in my chest hair.
115
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:05,288
(chuckles): I appear to be
in the wrong group chat.
116
00:05:05,289 --> 00:05:07,715
"and the judgment of the
Court of Appeals of New York
117
00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,476
is reversed,
and the cause of..."
118
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,793
- NED: Amen.
- (gasps)
119
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:13,462
Sir, we're up
to 205 verified pray-ers.
120
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:16,149
Do you really want me
to give them your office number?
121
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,191
Hmm? Hmm?
122
00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:22,179
Fine. Stop, please!
I've had enough.
123
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:23,657
We won't expel Bart.
124
00:05:23,658 --> 00:05:25,233
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
125
00:05:25,234 --> 00:05:29,020
If you supervise this boy,
keeping him away
126
00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,665
from the baleful presence
of his father.
127
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:33,316
Woo-hoo! Win-win!
128
00:05:33,317 --> 00:05:36,002
Bon après-midi, Bart.
129
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,246
While you get some special help,
130
00:05:38,247 --> 00:05:40,197
I'm hanging
with the French club.
131
00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:41,991
Well, just don't make fun of me
in French.
132
00:05:41,992 --> 00:05:43,843
Vous êtes un imbécile.
133
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,680
Profitez de votre journée
avec le Flanders!
134
00:05:46,681 --> 00:05:48,164
A demain.
135
00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:50,207
Ah, nous allons faire
un pique-nique.
136
00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:52,877
(groans):
Oh! Shut up. Shut up!
137
00:05:52,878 --> 00:05:54,837
Vous ne parlez pas français?
138
00:05:54,838 --> 00:05:57,106
(laughing with French accent)
139
00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:00,602
(Flanders humming)
140
00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:02,270
Isn't it great, son?
141
00:06:02,271 --> 00:06:05,014
Washing dishes can be both
a chore and a meditation.
142
00:06:05,015 --> 00:06:06,866
I do feel kind of at peace.
143
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,351
Uh-oh. Cut myself.
144
00:06:08,352 --> 00:06:10,036
(gasps)
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
145
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,112
(laughs)
146
00:06:11,113 --> 00:06:12,113
Gotcha!
147
00:06:13,708 --> 00:06:17,210
I can make that real blood,
you little punk.
148
00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,861
What did you say?
149
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:20,547
(chuckles)
What I meant to say was,
150
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:23,124
oodily-doodily,
we'll change that atti-toodily.
151
00:06:23,125 --> 00:06:24,200
Fishing?
152
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:25,368
When I didn't take a Ritalin?
153
00:06:25,369 --> 00:06:27,244
- You monster.
- Hush.
154
00:06:27,245 --> 00:06:30,373
If you don't catch something,
we don't eat tonight.
155
00:06:30,374 --> 00:06:31,749
Stupid fishing.
156
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,469
Stupid peace and quiet.
157
00:06:34,470 --> 00:06:36,045
Stupid sunset.
158
00:06:36,046 --> 00:06:37,455
Thinks it has so many colors.
159
00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:40,475
So beautiful and bright
and golden and... (mutters)
160
00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:43,094
Mind your line, Bart.
You got a nibble.
161
00:06:43,095 --> 00:06:44,904
I've got it!
I've got it!
162
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,390
I murdered a fish.
Me, by myself.
163
00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:48,766
Don't get cocky, son.
164
00:06:48,767 --> 00:06:50,985
You've still got to clean it
and eat it.
165
00:06:50,986 --> 00:06:53,396
First things first,
we got to start a fire.
166
00:06:53,397 --> 00:06:55,231
Uh, with what?
167
00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:58,125
We'll build character
by building it ourselves.
168
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:02,963
Your turn.
169
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,449
Oh, my hands hurt.
170
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:07,284
There are child labor laws,
you know.
171
00:07:07,285 --> 00:07:09,504
This is the most idiotic...
172
00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:12,765
(echoing):
Ay, caramba!
173
00:07:13,842 --> 00:07:16,436
Ay, caramba...!
174
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:17,845
(slurps, sighs)
175
00:07:17,846 --> 00:07:20,106
- How do you feel?
- Great. But why?
176
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:21,924
Well, it's called
"accomplishment," son...
177
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:23,426
Something you've earned yourself
178
00:07:23,427 --> 00:07:25,019
that can never be taken
from you.
179
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:26,595
Left-handed handshake.
180
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:28,097
And now that you're on your way,
181
00:07:28,098 --> 00:07:30,433
there's no telling
how far you'll go.
182
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:34,663
♪ Amazing grace ♪
183
00:07:34,664 --> 00:07:39,125
♪ How sweet the sound... ♪
184
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,794
Oh, my goodness.
185
00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:44,113
Our little boy could never sing
like that before.
186
00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:47,132
Well, if you ask me,
he's not doing so well now.
187
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,162
Mm. Remarkable.
188
00:07:51,163 --> 00:07:53,289
I thought the only way
to turn Bart into a little angel
189
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,809
was a downed power line
at a water park. (laughs)
190
00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:57,293
Ah, you must be so proud.
191
00:07:57,294 --> 00:07:59,312
You really turned
that boy around.
192
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,838
(chuckles):
Oh. Well...
193
00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:02,223
Congratulations,
194
00:08:02,224 --> 00:08:04,008
Ned Flanders.
195
00:08:04,009 --> 00:08:05,509
Yeah.
Way to go there, Flanders.
196
00:08:05,510 --> 00:08:07,153
You the man, Ned.
197
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,897
Hey, you can't give him
all the credit.
198
00:08:09,898 --> 00:08:12,199
We're the ones who messed him up
in the first place.
199
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,164
(doorbell rings)
200
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,999
(groans loudly)
201
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,195
Uh, listen, stupid Flanders,
I just want to say thank you,
202
00:08:24,196 --> 00:08:26,864
and if there's anything
I can do for you...
203
00:08:26,865 --> 00:08:28,324
Well, for starters,
you could stop calling me
204
00:08:28,325 --> 00:08:29,533
"stupid Flanders."
205
00:08:29,534 --> 00:08:31,202
(groans):
Oh, here we go.
206
00:08:31,203 --> 00:08:32,203
No, that's it.
207
00:08:32,204 --> 00:08:34,255
(groaning)
208
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,349
Thank you, Flanders.
209
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,684
Was that so hard?
210
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,094
He was laughing
under that mustache.
211
00:08:40,095 --> 00:08:41,545
(chuckles quietly)
212
00:08:41,546 --> 00:08:43,189
Bah?
213
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,381
What are you doing here?
214
00:08:44,382 --> 00:08:46,175
Bart's actually doing
math homework.
215
00:08:46,176 --> 00:08:48,219
I wanted to see it for myself.
216
00:08:48,220 --> 00:08:49,345
Bup-up-up-up!
217
00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:52,056
Listen, I can help my own kid.
218
00:08:52,057 --> 00:08:53,891
Uh, let's see.
219
00:08:53,892 --> 00:08:57,370
Four and two-thirds
plus five-sixths equals,
220
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,397
uh, uh, carry the math...
221
00:09:00,398 --> 00:09:01,565
And, uh...
222
00:09:01,566 --> 00:09:03,692
Oh, no! The dog ate it!
223
00:09:03,693 --> 00:09:06,403
(barking)
224
00:09:06,404 --> 00:09:08,739
It's okay, Dad. I finished it.
225
00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:10,366
With Mr. Flanders' help.
226
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,628
Well, it looks like I'm useless.
227
00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:16,764
Let me just walk away
with my dignity.
228
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:24,898
♪ Who can I turn to ♪
229
00:09:24,899 --> 00:09:28,643
♪ When nobody needs me? ♪
230
00:09:28,644 --> 00:09:30,611
My son doesn't love me.
231
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:40,246
You don't get me at all.
232
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,490
(birds squawking)
233
00:09:42,491 --> 00:09:44,291
(Nelson crying)
234
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,613
- Hey, kid. I'm sad, too.
- Hmm?
235
00:09:49,614 --> 00:09:50,665
Haw-haw!
236
00:09:50,666 --> 00:09:52,783
(crying)
237
00:09:52,784 --> 00:09:54,410
You shouldn't be out here alone.
238
00:09:54,411 --> 00:09:57,004
Oh, nobody cares.
239
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:58,247
My dad left.
240
00:09:58,248 --> 00:10:00,266
My mom's a drunk.
241
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,678
My house is a trailer,
and all the wheels are flat.
242
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:06,514
My last solid food
was an ice cube.
243
00:10:06,515 --> 00:10:10,467
My TV is a milk crate
with a squirrel in it.
244
00:10:10,468 --> 00:10:12,353
- (sobbing)
- This kid is such a wreck,
245
00:10:12,354 --> 00:10:13,947
even I could help him.
246
00:10:13,948 --> 00:10:17,358
Which I could use
to get back at Bart.
247
00:10:17,359 --> 00:10:20,603
(crying)
248
00:10:20,604 --> 00:10:23,439
I get my hair cut
by hiding in the bushes
249
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,317
when the gardener comes by.
250
00:10:26,318 --> 00:10:27,318
HOMER:
Am I gonna do it?
251
00:10:27,319 --> 00:10:29,320
(crying)
252
00:10:29,321 --> 00:10:32,281
Is it wrong to take advantage
of one child's feelings
253
00:10:32,282 --> 00:10:34,658
to make another child feel ba?
254
00:10:34,659 --> 00:10:37,044
Nobody has the answer to that.
255
00:10:37,045 --> 00:10:39,163
Here, son. Let me help.
256
00:10:39,164 --> 00:10:40,807
(crying)
257
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:42,291
(coughing)
258
00:10:42,292 --> 00:10:43,626
(sniffles)
259
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:46,128
Okay, okay. Enough snot.
260
00:10:46,129 --> 00:10:48,397
(sniffling forcefully)
261
00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:52,986
Mmm. Mmm!
262
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:55,897
Say, uh, listen, kid,
how would you like a mentor?
263
00:10:55,898 --> 00:10:57,657
What's a mentor?
264
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:00,401
A mentor is
a special kind of teacher.
265
00:11:00,402 --> 00:11:02,144
But you don't know nothing.
266
00:11:02,145 --> 00:11:03,854
Hey, there's lots
I can teach you.
267
00:11:03,855 --> 00:11:06,023
How to steal filling from a pie.
268
00:11:06,024 --> 00:11:07,834
How to get cookies
without giving blood.
269
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:10,202
How to use spearmint gum
as a deodorant.
270
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,672
And maybe I'll get someone
to fix your teeth.
271
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:14,657
There's a doctor for your teeth?
272
00:11:14,658 --> 00:11:15,699
Mm-hmm.
273
00:11:15,700 --> 00:11:16,867
Wow.
274
00:11:16,868 --> 00:11:19,679
Can you teach me
how to do this maze?
275
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,515
Well, it'll be a project
we can work on together.
276
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,999
Cool.
277
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,643
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm out of ketchup.
278
00:11:28,046 --> 00:11:29,713
(whispering loudly):
I'll give it back
279
00:11:29,714 --> 00:11:32,099
when I'm done.
280
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,650
(tires screech)
281
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,103
Hello, Bart.
282
00:11:36,104 --> 00:11:39,056
Just wanted you to know
I'm going to Nelson's house.
283
00:11:39,057 --> 00:11:42,035
We're close. Super close.
284
00:11:42,036 --> 00:11:44,520
First of all, Dad,
you called me.
285
00:11:44,521 --> 00:11:47,231
And second,
are you mentoring Nelson
286
00:11:47,232 --> 00:11:49,233
just to get back at Bart?
287
00:11:49,234 --> 00:11:51,193
No! No way!
288
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:54,379
But if you happen to see Bart,
show him these.
289
00:11:56,124 --> 00:11:58,091
(bright classical music playing)
290
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,038
(laughs)
291
00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,748
Okay, kid,
I'm gonna teach you how to pack
292
00:12:04,749 --> 00:12:07,042
for when your wife
kicks you out of the house.
293
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,378
Are the clothes thrown out
onto the front yard?
294
00:12:09,379 --> 00:12:11,973
Well, let's say you have
enough time to get a suitcase.
295
00:12:11,974 --> 00:12:13,307
What's a suitcase?
296
00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:16,093
Uh, all right,
let's move on to something else.
297
00:12:16,094 --> 00:12:19,814
Okay, but first I got to ask:
Are you sleeping with my mom?!
298
00:12:19,815 --> 00:12:21,407
- No.
- (sobs): Oh.
299
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,492
No one's ever said that!
300
00:12:26,438 --> 00:12:28,605
That's what
we're going for, boys.
301
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:31,250
I can't believe we're gonna be
in the pride parade.
302
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,752
Christian pride.
303
00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,904
Finally, Christians
can openly show our faith.
304
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:38,073
ROD and TODD:
We're sure! We're pure!
305
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,425
Get used to it!
306
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:41,260
- (bicycle bell rings)
- Hey, Bart.
307
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,596
Look who I taught
how to ride a bike.
308
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:45,622
Nelson already knew
how to ride a bike.
309
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:48,917
Yeah, but he didn't know how
to make cool motorcycle noises.
310
00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,686
(Homer and Nelson
imitating motorcycles)
311
00:12:54,016 --> 00:12:56,149
(Homer imitating loud revving)
312
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:04,266
Uh, let me help you
back on your hog.
313
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:07,811
Me and Nelson are so close,
people are calling us "Homeson."
314
00:13:07,812 --> 00:13:09,938
Homeson away!
315
00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:12,040
(Homer and Nelson
imitating motorcycles)
316
00:13:12,984 --> 00:13:14,794
NELSON:
Homeson!
317
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,796
Vroom.
318
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,798
Mom, are you seeing all this?
319
00:13:18,799 --> 00:13:20,824
- Yes.
- Are you gonna do anything?
320
00:13:20,825 --> 00:13:22,877
- No.
- Why not?
321
00:13:22,878 --> 00:13:24,995
(sighs)
This is a complicated one.
322
00:13:24,996 --> 00:13:27,289
Both boys are being helped.
323
00:13:27,290 --> 00:13:31,126
What I'm trying to say is
it's time to change Maggie.
324
00:13:31,127 --> 00:13:33,145
Where are you, my little excuse?
325
00:13:35,557 --> 00:13:37,524
Sorry!
326
00:13:43,065 --> 00:13:44,281
- (laughs)
- (grunts)
327
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,994
Dad, what exactly
are you teaching Nelson?
328
00:13:47,995 --> 00:13:48,995
Uh...
329
00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,739
Banking.
330
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:52,873
Aiming for success.
331
00:13:55,026 --> 00:13:57,085
And breaking into
the music industry.
332
00:13:58,196 --> 00:13:59,080
Here's $40.
333
00:13:59,081 --> 00:14:01,007
That's a lot of money to me.
334
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,752
But I want you to get some
therapy about what you're doing.
335
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:07,588
40 bucks' worth of therapy
coming up.
336
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:09,423
From a licensed therapist.
337
00:14:09,424 --> 00:14:11,500
Moe has a liquor license.
338
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:14,211
Yeah, let's not discuss that
too much.
339
00:14:14,212 --> 00:14:16,213
Take the money.
Get some help.
340
00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:18,715
Why are you doing this?
341
00:14:18,716 --> 00:14:21,176
Dad, I have to be
the voice of morality.
342
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:22,728
No, you don't.
343
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:25,106
Well, I like being
the voice of morality.
344
00:14:25,107 --> 00:14:28,725
And I like believing
this role has not typecast me!
345
00:14:28,726 --> 00:14:31,370
I can still do Shakespeare!
346
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:35,065
All that glitters
is not delicious Duff Gold!
347
00:14:35,066 --> 00:14:36,784
To pee or not to pee!
348
00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:38,360
There is no question!
349
00:14:38,361 --> 00:14:39,879
Oh, no!
350
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,130
- Excuse me. Got to pee.
- (shoes squeaking)
351
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,219
GIL:
Doc,
352
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,911
I see it all so clearly now.
353
00:14:47,912 --> 00:14:51,390
I'm afraid of success because
my father never had time for me.
354
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:53,083
- Which means...
- Time's up.
355
00:14:53,084 --> 00:14:55,419
- But two more minutes...
- It's not a breakthrough.
356
00:14:55,420 --> 00:14:58,231
Ah, now I feel worse
than when I came in.
357
00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,856
See you next month.
358
00:15:01,342 --> 00:15:03,736
Okay. 40 bucks
gets you ten minutes. Go!
359
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,739
I was mentoring another kid
to make my son jealous,
360
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,765
and something weird happened.
361
00:15:08,766 --> 00:15:11,268
I'm actually starting to like
the little dingus.
362
00:15:11,269 --> 00:15:12,394
Help me.
363
00:15:12,395 --> 00:15:14,321
I am appalled!
364
00:15:14,322 --> 00:15:18,066
You are ruining two boys' lives
for your own petty ego.
365
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,253
Let me tell you
what a good therapist says.
366
00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:23,998
A good therapist says,
"Whatever you do is right"!
367
00:15:23,999 --> 00:15:25,439
- That's only if you're rich.
- D'oh!
368
00:15:29,838 --> 00:15:30,930
Mentor entering!
369
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,456
Hey, Homer, honey.
370
00:15:32,457 --> 00:15:34,433
Come on,
spend a minute with Mama.
371
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,793
Look, lady,
I'm not interested in...
372
00:15:36,794 --> 00:15:38,437
- What the...?
- I know.
373
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,606
You're just spending time
with my son
374
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,684
to make your son jealous.
375
00:15:43,685 --> 00:15:47,804
Sooner or later, you're gonna
leave him, like all the rest.
376
00:15:47,805 --> 00:15:50,191
(dramatic musical sting)
377
00:15:50,192 --> 00:15:52,643
(higher dramatic musical sting)
378
00:15:52,644 --> 00:15:54,695
(higher dramatic musical sting)
379
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,313
(grunting)
380
00:15:56,314 --> 00:15:57,439
Mm-hmm.
381
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:58,958
(dramatic musical sting)
382
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,317
And it'll break his heart.
383
00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:02,461
Hey, I'm not here
to save the world.
384
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,630
I'm a mentor.
I come in, I ment, then I go.
385
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:13,956
Tell that boy the truth.
386
00:16:13,957 --> 00:16:14,957
(grunting)
387
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,643
(Homer grunts softly)
388
00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:22,839
Son, we need to talk.
389
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,509
No. No.
I know where this goes.
390
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,728
It ends with you giving me
a phone number
391
00:16:27,729 --> 00:16:29,730
that starts with 555.
392
00:16:29,731 --> 00:16:31,139
No! Wait!
393
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:32,574
What do you have to say?
394
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,402
I was only mentoring you
395
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:38,497
to punish my son
for becoming a better boy.
396
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,783
- I knew it!
- Where are you going?
397
00:16:40,784 --> 00:16:43,002
I'm gonna get even.
I can't make you stay,
398
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:45,913
but I can take it out
on your kid.
399
00:16:45,914 --> 00:16:48,532
Not Bart! I do love him!
400
00:16:48,533 --> 00:16:50,009
(exasperated grunt)
401
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:52,010
♪ ♪
402
00:17:02,597 --> 00:17:03,813
(blows loud note)
403
00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:06,751
(marching band playing)
404
00:17:06,752 --> 00:17:08,602
CROWD (chanting):
We're Christians! We're proud!
405
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:10,696
(whispering):
But don't say it too loud.
406
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:13,849
Holding hands are holy hands.
407
00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,892
Ew. Are you wearing lotion?
408
00:17:15,893 --> 00:17:17,870
I'm very chappy.
409
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:20,397
♪ ♪
410
00:17:20,398 --> 00:17:22,332
(crowd cheering)
411
00:17:32,127 --> 00:17:34,552
♪ ♪
412
00:17:51,429 --> 00:17:54,407
Uh, welcome, er, uh, Christians.
413
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:57,059
God is pleased to thank
our corporate sponsor,
414
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,685
C. Montgomery Burns.
415
00:17:58,686 --> 00:17:59,936
(crowd boos)
416
00:17:59,937 --> 00:18:01,772
LENNY:
Why won't you die?
417
00:18:01,773 --> 00:18:04,325
Mr. Burns
will take questions later.
418
00:18:04,326 --> 00:18:07,161
Er, uh, thanks
to this magnificent parade,
419
00:18:07,162 --> 00:18:10,998
you right-wing ding-dongs
will keep me in office forever.
420
00:18:10,999 --> 00:18:12,048
CROWD:
Yay!
421
00:18:14,452 --> 00:18:17,245
And now, at the spectacular
culmination of the parade,
422
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:20,099
when the final float
has safely cleared the route,
423
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,176
a giant pair of praying hands
424
00:18:22,177 --> 00:18:24,437
will swing from
the sides of the street
425
00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,147
and come together in holy union.
426
00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,262
He's gonna crush Bart!
427
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:35,614
Where's Flanders now?
428
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,450
Right here.
What do you need?
429
00:18:37,451 --> 00:18:39,434
Get away from me!
430
00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:41,453
♪ ♪
431
00:18:54,992 --> 00:18:58,453
No...!
432
00:18:58,454 --> 00:18:59,721
(grunts)
433
00:19:01,833 --> 00:19:02,833
(grunting)
434
00:19:05,336 --> 00:19:06,979
- (coughing)
- Hi, Dad.
435
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:10,132
Son, you want to ride
in the ambulance together?
436
00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:12,317
Aw. That's always
been our thing.
437
00:19:14,062 --> 00:19:15,195
Aw.
438
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:20,183
- Dad?
- Yes, son?
439
00:19:20,184 --> 00:19:22,477
Can I have a hit
off your oxygen?
440
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:24,354
Of course.
441
00:19:24,355 --> 00:19:26,022
(inhales deeply)
442
00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:27,574
I'm a great dad.
443
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:29,542
♪ ♪
444
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:39,253
I'm sorry I was using you.
You're a sweet kid.
445
00:19:39,254 --> 00:19:41,680
One day we'll have a beer
about this and laugh.
446
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,373
- Can it be tomorrow?
- Sure.
447
00:19:43,374 --> 00:19:47,002
But for today,
I know a certain stupid someone
448
00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:50,505
who might be a little better
at this than me.
449
00:19:50,506 --> 00:19:52,440
(heavenly choir sings)
450
00:19:54,102 --> 00:19:57,012
- What's the matter, son?
- Ah, you wouldn't understand.
451
00:19:57,013 --> 00:19:58,889
A rich church usher like you.
452
00:19:58,890 --> 00:20:01,016
Hey, I got two troublemakers
of my own.
453
00:20:01,017 --> 00:20:02,943
Who told you boys
you could clean up this dump?
454
00:20:02,944 --> 00:20:04,261
BOTH:
No one.
455
00:20:04,262 --> 00:20:06,113
I think I just might understand
how you feel.
456
00:20:06,114 --> 00:20:08,732
You lost a dad.
I lost two Mrs. Flanderses.
457
00:20:08,733 --> 00:20:11,210
Maybe my boys and I could take
you to a ball game sometime.
458
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:13,212
- What do you say?
- Papa!
459
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,198
Yay! We have a brother!
460
00:20:16,199 --> 00:20:18,508
- Mean foster brother.
- ROD and TODD: Yay!
461
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,374
God bless Rod and Todd and
especially my wonderful mentor,
462
00:20:26,375 --> 00:20:28,084
Mr. Flanders.
463
00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:29,395
OTHERS:
Amen.
464
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,896
Let me get fresh napkins
for everyone.
465
00:20:32,757 --> 00:20:34,291
Hey, how's it going?
466
00:20:34,292 --> 00:20:37,811
Still can't believe you've
renounced the way of the bully.
467
00:20:37,812 --> 00:20:40,363
Eh, what can I say?
People change.
468
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:43,575
Thaw-thaw!
469
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,732
(organ plays "Charge" fanfare)
470
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:53,586
Tell me again, why did I
trade Flanders for you?
471
00:20:53,587 --> 00:20:56,071
Because we can do this.
472
00:20:56,072 --> 00:20:57,423
- (grunts)
- FLANDERS: Ow!
473
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,166
(both laughing)
474
00:21:08,268 --> 00:21:11,227
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
475
00:21:29,105 --> 00:21:37,105
Shh!
32988
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