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1
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:05,962
[bright piano music]
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,181
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
3
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,226
in front of
a live studio audience.
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,230
- We feel asleep.
5
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,816
Oh, my God, we fell asleep.
Grace, Grace.
6
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,581
[vacuum whirs]
Ah!
7
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,148
Hit off.
Off.
8
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,343
- [shouts]
- Hit the off button.
9
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,846
- I don't know how to!
10
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,718
[vacuum shuts off]
11
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,547
- There goes the
few chest hairs I had left.
12
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:30,160
- Well, they were gray,
so you're welcome.
13
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,162
- Come on, Jenny's
gonna be here any second.
14
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,946
I want the place
to look nice for her.
15
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,297
- Jenny?
- My surrogate.
16
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,646
Can you at least pretend
17
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,319
that you've been listening
to me for the last year?
18
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,912
- I was pretending!
19
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,089
And besides, I'm tired.
20
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,830
- Grace, we're gonna be parents.
21
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,310
We got to learn how to...
22
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:53,270
How to have energy for longer
than four hours in a row.
23
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,881
- But... but...
24
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,883
TV.
25
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,407
- No.
26
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,018
Our kids are gonna be running
around, getting into things.
27
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,587
Their dopey, whiny friends will
be dropping by at all hours.
28
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:09,156
- [groans] I hate my life.
29
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,114
Once again,
it's my mother's birthday,
30
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,439
and I have
no idea what to get her.
31
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,030
- Just don't try and be cute.
32
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,380
Once, I told my mom
I was her gift.
33
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:19,514
She asked if I came
with a receipt.
34
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,385
- You thought that was cute?
35
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,824
I don't know...
Maybe my mom will like this
36
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,219
overpriced coffee table
or this stupid bar cart
37
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:32,483
or that
Asian baby humping a fish.
38
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,051
- He is not humping a fish.
39
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,750
They are spooning.
It's sweet.
40
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:41,275
We don't have time for other
people's problems right now.
41
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,147
- Make time.
I've got a problem.
42
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,583
My jeweler...
43
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:49,935
And I can say that because
"Jew" is in the name...
44
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:52,982
Has informed me that
a ring I was having reset
45
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,463
has been delivered by mistake
to the manse.
46
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:58,074
[sighs] Now I got to go
over there and get it.
47
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,423
Jackie, will you come with me?
48
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:03,123
I can't face Stan's neck rolls
by myself.
49
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,777
- Kar, I wish I could.
50
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,127
But I have to figure out
51
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,780
what to get my mother
for her birthday.
52
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,305
I can't just go to your house
full of precious doodads
53
00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:14,699
and priceless old-lady whatnots
there for the taking.
54
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:18,703
[both gasp]
55
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:25,493
- Poodle, did you just get your
chocolate in my peanut butter?
56
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,586
- I think I did.
57
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,459
[door closes]
58
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,983
- Okay, come on,
we got to finish cleaning up.
59
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,463
- Sounds good.
60
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:42,205
I'm gonna go clean my pillow
with my head.
61
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,209
[vacuum whirs]
62
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:49,169
[upbeat trumpet and piano music]
63
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:56,306
♪
64
00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,223
- Yeah, the pregnancy really
hasn't slowed me down at all.
65
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,311
- Really?
66
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,878
You're not cranky and nauseous
67
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:06,142
and one foot isn't swollen,
like, a lot more than the other
68
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:10,015
so you have to borrow a
bigger left shoe from a friend?
69
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,714
- No, never.
70
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,933
- Yeah, me neither.
71
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:18,154
- Okay, you guys ready
to play some games?
72
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,200
Why is my left shoe so loose?
73
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,334
- Thank you guys
for letting me stay here.
74
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:25,553
I really didn't want to be
75
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:27,008
at my apartment
while they painted it.
76
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,904
You know, the fumes
could be bad for the baby.
77
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,035
- Of course, of course.
78
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,689
- Oh, you guys.
79
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,736
This is just like spending the
weekend with my grandparents.
80
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,349
- Now, that is sobering.
81
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,221
- You think of us
like your grandparents?
82
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,613
- No, no, no, no.
[scoffs]
83
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:47,227
Obviously, you're
much younger than...
84
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,446
You're younger than them.
85
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,447
- You had to count?
86
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,796
- Okay, okay, look,
87
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,583
I know that we might be
a little on the old side,
88
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,977
but we are still pretty cool.
89
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242
We play games.
90
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,287
Yahtzee, Heads Up!,
91
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,333
Perquackey.
92
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,423
- It's about to get lit.
93
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,815
- Okay, look,
94
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,402
this... this weekend
we're taking care of you,
95
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,775
so what do you want
to do tonight?
96
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,299
- Well, my friend texted me
about seeing a band.
97
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301
- Oh, we love live music.
98
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:21,304
We listen to it all the time
on Google.
99
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,914
Let's... let's go.
100
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,090
- Now?
It's... it's 8:30.
101
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,483
- Grace?
- Oh, no, she's right.
102
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:29,747
Doors won't open
for a few more hours.
103
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,140
- But...
104
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,534
TV.
105
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,579
- You guys don't have to go.
106
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,669
- Of course we do.
You want to go, we want to go.
107
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,192
- Cool.
108
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,996
- So who are we seeing?
- An experimental noise band.
109
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,109
- Oi, gevalt.
110
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,721
- Noise?
111
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,113
My favorite.
112
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,917
We should go... we should go
early to get good seats.
113
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,988
- [chuckles] There's no seats,
but there is a mosh pit.
114
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:58,776
- So we'll be standing...
115
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,517
after 8:30?
116
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,307
I'm gonna need your shoe.
117
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:10,962
.
118
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,095
[bright piano music]
119
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,358
- My old key still works.
[chuckles]
120
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,273
Guess nothing's changed.
121
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,927
- Wow.
122
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,582
I forgot how fancy
this place is, Kar.
123
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,411
- Well, you know what
I always said about the manse...
124
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,238
It's not home,
125
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,240
but it's much.
126
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,028
Four milkshakes?
127
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:36,118
Stan usually only has three.
128
00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:39,991
And this one doesn't have
chicken in it.
129
00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:42,603
I someone else here?
130
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,431
["Dragnet" theme]
131
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,914
- It's my mom.
132
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,877
What is it, Mother?
133
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,095
No, I'm not getting you
134
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,924
leather pants for your birthday.
135
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:03,406
Because you can't pull them off.
136
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:07,192
No, I mean you literally
can't pull them off.
137
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,759
And don't ask me again
to help you.
138
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:11,762
Fool me once.
139
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,590
All right, stop talking.
I have to go.
140
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,809
I have to go!
141
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:18,160
I'm... I'm at a fancy store
shopping for you.
142
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,902
- Jackie, this glass
has lipstick on it.
143
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,470
Do you think Stan's
seeing someone?
144
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,949
["Dragnet" theme]
145
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,125
- [groans]
I'm sending her to voice mail.
146
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,737
That's impossible, Karen.
Who could ever take your place?
147
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,216
- Hey, guys.
148
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,532
- Huh... what... Val?
149
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,143
What the hell are you doing
in my house?
150
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,972
And why are you wearing
my shower curtain?
151
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,713
- I live here now.
152
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:53,369
Stan and I are lovers.
153
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,155
- Have you even been reinforced?
154
00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:00,115
- It's a sweet,
sweet story, really.
155
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:04,162
I was in the park trying
to coax a rabbit into my purse.
156
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,252
I saw Stan buying a hot dog...
157
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,732
cart.
158
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,996
And you know how he always
makes that wheezing sound?
159
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,360
Well, I told him
I could help him.
160
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,478
I'm a licensed
breath-ologist now.
161
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:18,002
- That makes sense, yeah.
- Of course you are.
162
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,830
- Anyhow, I gave him my card.
163
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:23,094
One thing led to another and
now we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
164
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:26,576
- I do love a meat-cart-cute.
165
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,969
- Look, Val,
166
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,492
if you want to play house
167
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,495
with my house of an ex-husband,
have at it.
168
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,018
I just want my ring back.
169
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,935
- Ooh, yeah.
Sorry, I can't.
170
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:40,503
See, it got delivered here,
and Stan said,
171
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,549
"You're my girlfriend now,
so you should have it."
172
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,944
And he did it all in one breath
just like I taught him.
173
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,034
But, guys, it was so fun
to see you.
174
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,384
I miss you two fruity-doos.
175
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:57,128
But could you please leave now
before I have to call security?
176
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,178
- Are you okay, Kar?
177
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,224
I mean, Stan and Val?
178
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,705
Val?
179
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,272
Crazy Val?
180
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,534
Stalker Val?
181
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,057
Insurance Fraud Val?
182
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,495
- Oh, stop making her sound fun.
183
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,803
I got to get my ring back.
184
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,459
Stan gave it to my the night
we bought our first election.
185
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,550
- I didn't realize it had
so much sentimental value.
186
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,160
- Honey, you got to
help me get it back.
187
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,858
But Val's no dummy.
188
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,555
Whatever plan we come up with
189
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,645
is gonna require
subtlety and nuance.
190
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,346
How do we look?
191
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:46,090
- Like both community college
and porn were too hard for you.
192
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,919
- You're not just saying that?
193
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,922
And now for the final touch...
194
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,577
Eau deminimum wage.
195
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,928
♪
196
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,104
- Hey, sorry I had
to bail early.
197
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:03,543
It was just getting
to be past their bedtime.
198
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,546
Yeah, no.
I know it's only 11:30.
199
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,156
- [loudly] What a fun night.
200
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:12,464
The experimental noise
was very loud, though.
201
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,031
- Yes, I know.
202
00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:17,557
And the band really appreciated
it when you told them that.
203
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,082
- Thanks.
They're not real diamonds.
204
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,652
- Will, are you okay?
205
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:29,220
- I think it was a mistake
to twerk.
206
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,832
- Yeah, for a lot of reasons.
207
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:36,488
- I don't think you should have
twerked... for a lot of reasons.
208
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,231
- Look, why don't you two
go lie down?
209
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,842
I'm gonna get my stuff
out of your room.
210
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,584
- Oh, no, no, Grace and I can
sleep in her bed.
211
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,107
It'll be just like
when we dated,
212
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,197
except this time
I won't be faking an injury.
213
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:51,982
- That was fun.
214
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,505
- Yeah,
it really keeps you young.
215
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,899
- What?
- I said, "Keeps you young."
216
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597
- They're not real diamonds.
217
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:01,078
.
218
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:04,081
[bright piano music]
219
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:16,224
- You have
until the count of three...
220
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,400
thousand to cut that out.
221
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:19,444
[laughs]
222
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,925
One, one and a half...
223
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,101
[bell ringing]
224
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,646
- Fix your ties,
swallow your pride.
225
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629
She's coming.
226
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,413
- Hey, you guys.
227
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,895
Oh, look at you all so serious.
228
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:38,855
I need somebody to volunteer
to come to my boudoir,
229
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,988
check all the closets
for monsters,
230
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,554
and tuck me in.
231
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,645
There's an extra caramel in it
for anyone who has teeth.
232
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,299
Sorry, Margot.
233
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,537
- [British accent] I'll do it.
234
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,433
- I'm sorry.
I don't remember you.
235
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,174
- I'm Eliza.
236
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,697
- And what do you do, Eliza?
237
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:58,179
- Mm, this and that.
Buns and nickels.
238
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,835
This is my friend...
239
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:05,012
- [British accent] Oliver.
240
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:09,103
- [groaning]
241
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,974
Ow.
242
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,455
- [groans]
243
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,587
Ugh.
244
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,198
- Why are you moaning, too?
245
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:20,070
- I had two non-alcoholic beers
at that club.
246
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:24,945
I got none of the buzz
and all of the gas.
247
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,295
Plus, I am freezing.
- What?
248
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:28,731
It's a thousand degrees in here.
249
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,950
I'm taking this cover off.
250
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,954
- I would not lift that up
if I were you.
251
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,366
- [normal voice]
This should knock her out.
252
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,347
Then we can grab the ring.
253
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,566
- [normal voice] Okay.
254
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,786
Ooh, what'd you use?
Deep Sleeps, Orange Fog?
255
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,789
- Who knows?
I just shook out my purse.
256
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,573
Now, to cover our tracks,
257
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,662
we may have to change
our identities,
258
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,882
burn off our fingerprints,
and go underground.
259
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,318
Or...
260
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:53,234
we can just not make
that big of a deal out of it.
261
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,714
- Darn, in my head,
262
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:58,282
I already changed my identity
to Johnny Cox.
263
00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,501
He's a retired porn star
264
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:02,243
who found the Lord
but kept his stage name.
265
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,287
- Come in.
266
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,029
- Hey.
Can I get you guys anything?
267
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,249
- Yeah, can you get another
blanket from the closet?
268
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,990
But not the gray one...
It makes me itch.
269
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,794
And not the red one
'cause it makes me sneeze.
270
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:12,949
And can you take the tray?
271
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,039
- Grace...
she's our guest, not our nurse.
272
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,388
- It's fine.
273
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,608
I'll get another blanket,
I'll take the tray,
274
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,977
and if you need
to go to the restroom
275
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,801
before you go to sleep,
I will take you there.
276
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:25,701
- I don't need anybody's help
to go the bathroom.
277
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,138
I can do that myself.
278
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:34,754
♪
279
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,296
- [British accent]
Begging your pardon, ma'am,
280
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,455
but wouldn't you have a glass
of warm strawberry milk?
281
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:43,850
- [British accent] Straight
from the strawberry cow's teat.
282
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,416
- You guys are so good for me.
283
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,332
And thank you for remember
that I'm on an all-dairy diet.
284
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,903
- Oop, every last drop.
[chuckles]
285
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,996
- You know, I've always
had problems sleeping,
286
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,824
and I've tried everything.
287
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,304
I've tried meditating,
288
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:06,089
shoplifting,
cutting other people's nails,
289
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,744
and, finally, finally,
I stumbled on the one thing
290
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,572
that really helps.
291
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,356
- [normal voice] Oh!
292
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,073
- [normal voice] She's out.
- Well, wake her up.
293
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,751
I want to know
what helped her sleep.
294
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,535
- What?
Get her on the bed.
295
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:22,192
- I can't lift her by myself.
She's full of dairy.
296
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,280
- I'll get her legs.
297
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:24,716
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
298
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,892
- Okay, get her to the bed.
299
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:26,849
- To the bed, to the bed,
to the bed.
300
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,372
- Wait. What?
- [grunts]
301
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,940
[straining]
302
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,942
It's like being back
at Sarah Lawrence.
303
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:36,119
Okay.
[straining]
304
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:39,819
♪
305
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,559
- Can you go a little faster?
306
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,735
It's like watching a tree die.
307
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,134
- This soup
smells really terrible.
308
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,006
- I know, right?
309
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,449
- Wait, wait, wait. Ow!
- Let's just... Whoa!
310
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,798
[knock at door]
311
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,539
- Ma'am, are you all right?
I heard a thud.
312
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,236
- [British accent]
Must be in your head.
313
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,978
It could be a tumor.
314
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,850
- [British accent]
You should see a doctor.
315
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:13,940
But stay in network.
316
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,248
[normal voice]
Oh, okay.
317
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,468
[stutters]
318
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:21,643
[strains]
319
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,297
It's stuck.
I'll get some soap.
320
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,840
- [normal voice]
What if there's no liquid soap?
321
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866
["Dragnet" theme]
322
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,086
- We'll just cut her finger off.
323
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,348
Okay.
324
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,785
- Mother, I can't talk now.
I'm under a woman.
325
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,790
Why does that make you happy?
326
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,054
What?
Are you...
327
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,926
No, I'm not taking you
on a cruise for your birthday.
328
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,146
What, and spend ten days
rubbing your belly
329
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,713
'cause you ate
too much pineapple?
330
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,367
No.
That's a hard pass.
331
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,506
- So strange being back here.
332
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,856
Different but the same.
333
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,684
They changed my medicine cabinet
334
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,904
into a Pilates studio.
335
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342
- Know what, Kar?
336
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,127
This feels kind of nice.
337
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:15,305
If women kept their clothes on,
I could be straight.
338
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,267
- [grunts]
I got it. I got it.
339
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,878
- What's going on?
340
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,708
Did I take a milk nap?
341
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,188
- Go back to sleep.
Okay.
342
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,277
- What happened to your accent?
343
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,800
- Oh, I assimilated.
344
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,977
Got my GED and said good-bye
to my health care.
345
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,371
- And I was never British.
346
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,199
♪
347
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,288
.
348
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,594
[bright piano music]
349
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,945
- You did it, Kar.
You got what you came for.
350
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,816
- Yeah.
351
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,122
- What's the matter?
352
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,037
You got that happy-sad look,
353
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,734
like when you see a waiter fall
354
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:56,433
but then realize
they were carrying your drink.
355
00:15:57,826 --> 00:16:01,351
- It's this inscription...
"Forever yours."
356
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,875
- Stan had that inscribed
for you, huh?
357
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,791
- But we didn't last forever,
did we?
358
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,097
[sighs]
359
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,446
Stan's not mine anymore
360
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:12,014
and this isn't mine
anymore either.
361
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,060
None of this is.
362
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,670
- But you had a whole life here.
363
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,455
- My life is somewhere else now.
364
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,458
I'm not even sure this place
brings me joy anymore.
365
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,503
Boo!
366
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:28,161
[both laughing]
367
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,340
- [sighs] Funny is funny, right?
368
00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,953
- Not another step, you two.
369
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,737
Both:
It was her idea.
370
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,826
- Karen, Jack,
371
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,307
were you gonna leave
without saying good-bye?
372
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,005
- How'd you know it was us?
373
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,399
- Your faces.
374
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,922
Gosh, I had so much fun
375
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:55,057
playing make-'em-ups
and getting drugged by you.
376
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,252
I'm glad you got your ring back.
377
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,235
It's obviously super important
to you.
378
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,324
- Thanks Val, but...
379
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,760
I don't want it.
380
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,979
It belongs to you.
381
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,067
- Oh, no.
I can't take it.
382
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287
Stan got it for you.
383
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,047
And if I want something
really nice on my hands,
384
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,683
I can just ask him
to buy me fancy ring pops.
385
00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:17,036
Besides, I wouldn't want
to ruin our friendship.
386
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,342
- You think of me as a friend?
387
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,910
- You're, like, my best friend.
388
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,172
Best human friend.
389
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:26,088
- You think of me as human?
390
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,003
- Kind of.
391
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,008
- Well,
if neither of us wants the ring
392
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,270
what should we do with it?
393
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:37,143
["Dragnet" theme]
394
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:40,363
♪
395
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,191
- Yeah.
No, Mother, that's right.
396
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:45,194
I had it inscribed just for you.
397
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,675
Well, I meant it.
398
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,068
I am...
399
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,114
forever yours.
400
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334
[sighs]
401
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:55,900
No, Mother, I'm married now.
402
00:17:55,944 --> 00:18:00,775
I'm never moving home.
My only plan B is death.
403
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,274
What do you mean
where are you gonna wear it?
404
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,560
How about anywhere?
405
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,214
You're a 77-year-old knockout
406
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,042
with a high arch
and your own hair!
407
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,131
Live it!
408
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,829
And, Mom...
409
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:14,876
happy birthday.
410
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,878
- Okay, I'm back.
411
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,663
- Everything go okay in there?
You were gone for a half hour.
412
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,815
- I had to lean up against
the tile for a while till the...
413
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,624
Till the spasms went away, but...
414
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,105
But I'm good as... [groans]
415
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,715
- Will you go lie down, please?
416
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,196
- [scoffs] This is crazy.
You're having my baby.
417
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,241
I'm supposed
to be taking care of you.
418
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,634
Are you... are you hungry?
419
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:37,116
If you give me six hours,
I can get to the kitchen.
420
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,682
- No, just get in bed.
421
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,120
You're as stubborn
as my grandpa.
422
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,469
This side.
423
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:46,125
- Move over.
- [scoffs and grumbles]
424
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, and it was perfect.
425
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,477
- [groans]
426
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,740
No wonder we remind you
of your grandparents.
427
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:55,743
We're basically skeletons
having babies.
428
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,441
- But isn't having kids
gonna keep us young?
429
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,661
Isn't that something people say?
430
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,750
- It's something liars say.
431
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,753
[stutters]
432
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,972
We're gonna be exhausted
and frail,
433
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:11,150
and we won't understand any
of their weird music
434
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,760
or technology.
435
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:16,807
- I don't understand any
of our technology.
436
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,723
How are we grandparents
before we're even parents?
437
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,248
- No, when I said you guys
reminded me of my grandparents,
438
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,293
I meant that as a compliment.
439
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,035
My mom worked three jobs.
My dad left when I was little.
440
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,646
My grandparents
pretty much raised me.
441
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,562
- But they were
active grandparents, right?
442
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,000
Like, the ones
443
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:38,699
who have snowball fights
in the Celebrex ads?
444
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:39,700
- Mm-mm.
445
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,180
No, they hardly left the couch,
446
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:44,487
but they were kind, and they
knew how the world worked.
447
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,706
And when I had hard days...
448
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,751
And I had a lot
of really hard days...
449
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,927
They would let me sleep
right in between them
450
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,755
where I knew I was safe.
451
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:56,064
That's what a kid needs,
not someone to twerk with.
452
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,284
- You're not gonna
let me forget that, are you?
453
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,676
- Never.
454
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,070
And if you do, I have a video.
455
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:03,854
- Oh, good.
456
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,639
- You guys are
gonna be great parents.
457
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,162
- Thanks.
- That means a lot.
458
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,556
- All right, good night, guys.
Get some rest.
459
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,601
- Um, you know, there's room
for one more in here.
460
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,255
- Really?
- Yeah.
461
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,476
You'll be sleeping in a sea of
crumbs and used dental floss,
462
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,999
but you'll get used to it.
463
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,480
- He's joking.
464
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,569
I don't floss.
465
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,357
- Ahh...
- [groans]
466
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:32,709
- Aw.
This is so nice.
467
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,234
And this duvet
is so comfortable.
468
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:38,367
- I got a good deal.
469
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,587
Of course, this was in the '90s,
470
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:44,504
so things
were much cheaper then.
471
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:47,550
You could get a cup of coffee
for a dollar.
472
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:48,725
- Shut up.
473
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,293
- You could see a movie
for five.
474
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,382
- That's crazy.
475
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:57,430
This reminds me of this one
time I was at my grandparent's.
476
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,432
It was the middle of winter.
477
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,130
I'd been playing in the snow
all day.
478
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,960
My grandma made me a cup
of hot cocoa.
479
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:09,659
[both snoring]
480
00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:12,271
- [groans] Damn.
481
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,447
The lights.
482
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,976
Wow, they are old.
33941
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