Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:04,091
2
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:05,962
[bright piano music]
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,181
- "Will & Grace" is recorded
4
00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:09,226
in front of
a live studio audience.
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,230
- We feel asleep.
6
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,797
Oh, my God, we fell asleep.
Grace, Grace.
7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,581
[vacuum whirs]
Ah!
8
00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,148
Hit off.
Off.
9
00:00:18,192 --> 00:00:19,323
- [shouts]
- Hit the off button.
10
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,846
- I don't know how to!
11
00:00:20,890 --> 00:00:22,718
[vacuum shuts off]
12
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,547
- There goes the
few chest hairs I had left.
13
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:30,160
- Well, they were gray,
so you're welcome.
14
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,162
- Come on, Jenny's
gonna be here any second.
15
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,946
I want the place
to look nice for her.
16
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:36,297
- Jenny?
- My surrogate.
17
00:00:36,340 --> 00:00:37,646
Can you at least pretend
18
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,300
that you've been listening
to me for the last year?
19
00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:42,912
- I was pretending!
20
00:00:42,955 --> 00:00:46,089
And besides, I'm tired.
21
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,830
- Grace,
we're gonna be parents.
22
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,310
We got to learn how to--
23
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:53,270
how to have energy for longer
than four hours in a row.
24
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,881
- But--but...
25
00:00:55,925 --> 00:00:57,883
TV.
26
00:00:57,927 --> 00:00:59,407
- No.
27
00:00:59,450 --> 00:01:02,018
Our kids are gonna be running
around, getting into things.
28
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,587
Their dopey, whiny friends will
be dropping by at all hours.
29
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:09,156
- [groans]
I hate my life.
30
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,114
Once again,
it's my mother's birthday,
31
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:12,420
and I have
no idea what to get her.
32
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,030
- Just don't try and be cute.
33
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,380
Once, I told my mom
I was her gift.
34
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:19,514
She asked if I came
with a receipt.
35
00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:21,385
- You thought that was cute?
36
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,824
I don't know--
maybe my mom will like this
37
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:29,219
overpriced coffee table
or this stupid bar cart
38
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:32,483
or that
Asian baby humping a fish.
39
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,051
- He is not humping a fish.
40
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,750
They are spooning.
It's sweet.
41
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:41,275
We don't have time for other
people's problems right now.
42
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,147
- Make time.
I've got a problem.
43
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,583
My jeweler--
44
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:49,935
and I can say that because
"Jew" is in the name--
45
00:01:49,979 --> 00:01:52,982
has informed me that
a ring I was having reset
46
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:55,463
has been delivered by mistake
to the manse.
47
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:58,074
[sighs] Now I got to go
over there and get it.
48
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,423
Jackie, will you come with me?
49
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:03,123
I can't face Stan's neck rolls
by myself.
50
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:05,777
- Kar, I wish I could.
51
00:02:05,821 --> 00:02:07,127
But I have to figure out
52
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:08,780
what to get my mother
for her birthday.
53
00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,305
I can't just go to your house
full of precious doodads
54
00:02:11,348 --> 00:02:14,699
and priceless old-lady whatnots
there for the taking.
55
00:02:15,918 --> 00:02:18,703
[both gasp]
56
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:25,493
- Poodle, did you just get your
chocolate in my peanut butter?
57
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:31,586
- I think I did.
58
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,459
[door closes]
59
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,983
- Okay, come on,
we got to finish cleaning up.
60
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,463
- Sounds good.
61
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:42,205
I'm gonna go clean my pillow
with my head.
62
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,209
[vacuum whirs]
63
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:49,169
[upbeat trumpet
and piano music]
64
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:56,306
♪
65
00:02:57,873 --> 00:03:00,223
- Yeah, the pregnancy really
hasn't slowed me down at all.
66
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,311
- Really?
67
00:03:01,355 --> 00:03:02,878
You're not cranky and nauseous
68
00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:06,142
and one foot isn't swollen,
like, a lot more than the other
69
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:10,015
so you have to borrow a
bigger left shoe from a friend?
70
00:03:10,059 --> 00:03:12,714
- No, never.
71
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,933
- Yeah, me neither.
72
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:18,154
- Okay, you guys ready
to play some games?
73
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,200
Why is my left shoe so loose?
74
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,334
- Thank you guys
for letting me stay here.
75
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:25,553
I really didn't want to be
76
00:03:25,596 --> 00:03:26,989
at my apartment
while they painted it.
77
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:28,904
You know, the fumes
could be bad for the baby.
78
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,035
- Of course, of course.
79
00:03:30,079 --> 00:03:31,689
- Oh, you guys.
80
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:34,736
This is just like spending the
weekend with my grandparents.
81
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,349
- Now, that is sobering.
82
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,221
- You think of us
like your grandparents?
83
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:42,613
- No, no, no, no.
[scoffs]
84
00:03:42,657 --> 00:03:47,227
Obviously, you're
much younger than...
85
00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:49,446
You're younger than them.
86
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:50,447
- You had to count?
87
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,796
- Okay, okay, look,
88
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,583
I know that we might be
a little on the old side,
89
00:03:55,626 --> 00:03:58,977
but we are still pretty cool.
90
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,242
We play games.
91
00:04:02,285 --> 00:04:04,287
Yahtzee, Heads Up!,
92
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,333
Perquackey.
93
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:09,423
- It's about to get lit.
94
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,815
- Okay, look,
95
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,382
this--this weekend
we're taking care of you,
96
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,775
so what do you want
to do tonight?
97
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,299
- Well, my friend texted me
about seeing a band.
98
00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,301
- Oh, we love live music.
99
00:04:18,345 --> 00:04:21,304
We listen to it all the time
on Google.
100
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,914
Let's--let's go.
101
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,090
- Now?
It's--it's 8:30.
102
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,483
- Grace?
- Oh, no, she's right.
103
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:29,747
Doors won't open
for a few more hours.
104
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,140
- But...
105
00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:33,534
TV.
106
00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:35,579
- You guys don't have to go.
107
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:38,669
- Of course we do.
You want to go, we want to go.
108
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:40,192
- Cool.
109
00:04:40,236 --> 00:04:41,977
- So who are we seeing?
- An experimental noise band.
110
00:04:42,020 --> 00:04:44,109
- Oi, gevalt.
111
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:46,721
- Noise?
112
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,113
My favorite.
113
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,898
We should go--we should go
early to get good seats.
114
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,988
- [chuckles] There's no seats,
but there is a mosh pit.
115
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:58,776
- So we'll be standing...
116
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,517
after 8:30?
117
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,307
I'm gonna need your shoe.
118
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:10,962
.
119
00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:13,095
[bright piano music]
120
00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:15,358
- My old key still works.
[chuckles]
121
00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,273
Guess nothing's changed.
122
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,927
- Wow.
123
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:21,582
I forgot how fancy
this place is, Kar.
124
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:24,411
- Well, you know what
I always said about the manse--
125
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:26,238
it's not home,
126
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,240
but it's much.
127
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,028
Four milkshakes?
128
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:36,118
Stan usually only has three.
129
00:05:36,161 --> 00:05:39,991
And this one doesn't have
chicken in it.
130
00:05:41,079 --> 00:05:42,603
I someone else here?
131
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,431
["Dragnet" theme]
132
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:49,914
- It's my mom.
133
00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,877
What is it, Mother?
134
00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,095
No, I'm not getting you
135
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,924
leather pants
for your birthday.
136
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:03,406
Because
you can't pull them off.
137
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:07,192
No, I mean you literally
can't pull them off.
138
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,759
And don't ask me again
to help you.
139
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:11,762
Fool me once.
140
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,590
All right, stop talking.
I have to go.
141
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,809
I have to go!
142
00:06:14,852 --> 00:06:18,160
I'm--I'm at a fancy store
shopping for you.
143
00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,902
- Jackie, this glass
has lipstick on it.
144
00:06:20,945 --> 00:06:23,470
Do you think Stan's
seeing someone?
145
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:24,949
["Dragnet" theme]
146
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:27,125
- [groans]
I'm sending her to voice mail.
147
00:06:27,169 --> 00:06:29,737
That's impossible, Karen.
Who could ever take your place?
148
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,216
- Hey, guys.
149
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:42,532
- Huh--what--Val?
150
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:45,143
What the hell are you doing
in my house?
151
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,972
And why are you wearing
my shower curtain?
152
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:49,713
- I live here now.
153
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:53,369
Stan and I are lovers.
154
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:57,155
- Have you even
been reinforced?
155
00:06:57,199 --> 00:07:00,115
- It's a sweet,
sweet story, really.
156
00:07:00,158 --> 00:07:04,162
I was in the park trying
to coax a rabbit into my purse.
157
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,252
I saw Stan buying
a hot dog...
158
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:08,732
cart.
159
00:07:08,776 --> 00:07:11,996
And you know how he always
makes that wheezing sound?
160
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,345
Well, I told him
I could help him.
161
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,478
I'm a licensed
breath-ologist now.
162
00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:18,002
- That makes sense, yeah.
- Of course you are.
163
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,830
- Anyhow, I gave him my card.
164
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:23,094
One thing led to another and
now we're boyfriend-girlfriend.
165
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:26,576
- I do love a meat-cart-cute.
166
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,969
- Look, Val,
167
00:07:28,012 --> 00:07:29,492
if you want to play house
168
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,495
with my house of an ex-husband,
have at it.
169
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,018
I just want my ring back.
170
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,935
- Ooh, yeah.
Sorry, I can't.
171
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:40,503
See, it got delivered here,
and Stan said,
172
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,549
"You're my girlfriend now,
so you should have it."
173
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,944
And he did it all in one breath
just like I taught him.
174
00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:50,034
But, guys, it was so fun
to see you.
175
00:07:50,078 --> 00:07:52,384
I miss you two fruity-doos.
176
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:57,128
But could you please leave now
before I have to call security?
177
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,178
- Are you okay, Kar?
178
00:08:03,221 --> 00:08:06,224
I mean, Stan and Val?
179
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,705
Val?
180
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,272
Crazy Val?
181
00:08:10,315 --> 00:08:11,534
Stalker Val?
182
00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,057
Insurance Fraud Val?
183
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,495
- Oh, stop making her
sound fun.
184
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,803
I got to get my ring back.
185
00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:23,459
Stan gave it to my the night
we bought our first election.
186
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,550
- I didn't realize it had
so much sentimental value.
187
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,160
- Honey, you got to
help me get it back.
188
00:08:29,204 --> 00:08:30,858
But Val's no dummy.
189
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:32,555
Whatever plan we come up with
190
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,645
is gonna require
subtlety and nuance.
191
00:08:39,780 --> 00:08:41,346
How do we look?
192
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:46,090
- Like both community college
and porn were too hard for you.
193
00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,919
- You're not just saying that?
194
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:51,922
And now for the final touch--
195
00:08:51,966 --> 00:08:54,577
eau deminimum wage.
196
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:57,928
♪
197
00:08:57,972 --> 00:09:00,104
- Hey, sorry I had
to bail early.
198
00:09:00,148 --> 00:09:03,543
It was just getting
to be past their bedtime.
199
00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:06,546
Yeah, no.
I know it's only 11:30.
200
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,156
- [loudly]
What a fun night.
201
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:12,464
The experimental noise
was very loud, though.
202
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,031
- Yes, I know.
203
00:09:14,075 --> 00:09:17,557
And the band really appreciated
it when you told them that.
204
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,082
- Thanks.
They're not real diamonds.
205
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:25,652
- Will, are you okay?
206
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:29,220
- I think it was a mistake
to twerk.
207
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,832
- Yeah, for a lot of reasons.
208
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:36,488
- I don't think you should have
twerked...for a lot of reasons.
209
00:09:38,012 --> 00:09:40,231
- Look, why don't you two
go lie down?
210
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:41,842
I'm gonna get my stuff
out of your room.
211
00:09:41,885 --> 00:09:44,584
- Oh, no, no, Grace and I can
sleep in her bed.
212
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:46,107
It'll be just like
when we dated,
213
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:49,197
except this time
I won't be faking an injury.
214
00:09:50,851 --> 00:09:51,982
- That was fun.
215
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,505
- Yeah,
it really keeps you young.
216
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,899
- What?
- I said, "Keeps you young."
217
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,597
- They're not real diamonds.
218
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:01,078
.
219
00:10:01,122 --> 00:10:04,081
[bright piano music]
220
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:16,224
- You have
until the count of three...
221
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,400
thousand to cut that out.
222
00:10:18,443 --> 00:10:19,444
[laughs]
223
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,925
One, one and a half--
224
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:24,101
[bell ringing]
225
00:10:26,451 --> 00:10:27,627
- Fix your ties,
swallow your pride.
226
00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:29,629
She's coming.
227
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,413
- Hey, you guys.
228
00:10:31,456 --> 00:10:34,895
Oh, look at you all so serious.
229
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:38,855
I need somebody to volunteer
to come to my boudoir,
230
00:10:38,899 --> 00:10:40,988
check all the closets
for monsters,
231
00:10:41,031 --> 00:10:42,554
and tuck me in.
232
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:45,645
There's an extra caramel in it
for anyone who has teeth.
233
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,299
Sorry, Margot.
234
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,518
- [British accent]
I'll do it.
235
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:51,433
- I'm sorry.
I don't remember you.
236
00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,174
- I'm Eliza.
237
00:10:53,217 --> 00:10:54,697
- And what do you do, Eliza?
238
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:58,179
- Mm, this and that.
Buns and nickels.
239
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,835
This is my friend...
240
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:05,012
- [British accent]
Oliver.
241
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:09,103
- [groaning]
242
00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:10,974
Ow.
243
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,455
- [groans]
244
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,587
Ugh.
245
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,198
- Why are you moaning, too?
246
00:11:17,241 --> 00:11:20,070
- I had two non-alcoholic beers
at that club.
247
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:24,945
I got none of the buzz
and all of the gas.
248
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,295
Plus, I am freezing.
- What?
249
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:28,731
It's a thousand degrees
in here.
250
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:29,950
I'm taking this cover off.
251
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:33,954
- I would not lift that up
if I were you.
252
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,346
- [normal voice]
This should knock her out.
253
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:36,347
Then we can grab the ring.
254
00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:37,566
- [normal voice]
Okay.
255
00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:39,786
Ooh, what'd you use?
Deep Sleeps, Orange Fog?
256
00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,789
- Who knows?
I just shook out my purse.
257
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,573
Now, to cover our tracks,
258
00:11:44,616 --> 00:11:46,662
we may have to change
our identities,
259
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,882
burn off our fingerprints,
and go underground.
260
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,318
Or...
261
00:11:50,361 --> 00:11:53,234
we can just not make
that big of a deal out of it.
262
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,714
- Darn, in my head,
263
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:58,282
I already changed my identity
to Johnny Cox.
264
00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,501
He's a retired porn star
265
00:11:59,544 --> 00:12:02,243
who found the Lord
but kept his stage name.
266
00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:03,287
- Come in.
267
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,029
- Hey.
Can I get you guys anything?
268
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:08,249
- Yeah, can you get another
blanket from the closet?
269
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,990
But not the gray one--
it makes me itch.
270
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,774
And not the red one
'cause it makes me sneeze.
271
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:12,949
And can you take the tray?
272
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,039
- Grace...
she's our guest, not our nurse.
273
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,388
- It's fine.
274
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,608
I'll get another blanket,
I'll take the tray,
275
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:20,957
and if you need
to go to the restroom
276
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:22,785
before you go to sleep,
I will take you there.
277
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:25,701
- I don't need anybody's help
to go the bathroom.
278
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,138
I can do that myself.
279
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:34,754
♪
280
00:12:34,797 --> 00:12:36,277
- [British accent]
Begging your pardon, ma'am,
281
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,455
but wouldn't you have a glass
of warm strawberry milk?
282
00:12:40,498 --> 00:12:43,850
- [British accent] Straight
from the strawberry cow's teat.
283
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,416
- You guys are so good for me.
284
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,332
And thank you for remember
that I'm on an all-dairy diet.
285
00:12:50,595 --> 00:12:53,903
- Oop, every last drop.
[chuckles]
286
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,996
- You know, I've always
had problems sleeping,
287
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,824
and I've tried everything.
288
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,304
I've tried meditating,
289
00:13:03,347 --> 00:13:06,089
shoplifting,
cutting other people's nails,
290
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,744
and, finally, finally,
I stumbled on the one thing
291
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,572
that really helps.
292
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,356
- [normal voice]
Oh!
293
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:14,054
- [normal voice] She's out.
- Well, wake her up.
294
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:15,751
I want to know
what helped her sleep.
295
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,535
- What?
Get her on the bed.
296
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:22,192
- I can't lift her by myself.
She's full of dairy.
297
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,280
- I'll get her legs.
298
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:24,716
- Yeah, okay.
- Okay, okay, okay.
299
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:25,892
- Okay, get her to the bed.
300
00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:26,849
- To the bed, to the bed,
to the bed.
301
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,372
- Wait. What?
- [grunts]
302
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,940
[straining]
303
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,942
It's like being back
at Sarah Lawrence.
304
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:36,119
Okay.
[straining]
305
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:39,819
♪
306
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,559
- Can you go a little faster?
307
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,735
It's like watching a tree die.
308
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:51,134
- This soup
smells really terrible.
309
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,006
- I know, right?
310
00:13:59,055 --> 00:14:01,449
- Wait, wait, wait. Ow!
- Let's just--Whoa!
311
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,798
[knock at door]
312
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,539
- Ma'am, are you all right?
I heard a thud.
313
00:14:04,582 --> 00:14:06,236
- [British accent]
Must be in your head.
314
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,978
It could be a tumor.
315
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,850
- [British accent]
You should see a doctor.
316
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:13,940
But stay in network.
317
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,248
[normal voice]
Oh, okay.
318
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,468
[stutters]
319
00:14:20,511 --> 00:14:21,643
[strains]
320
00:14:21,686 --> 00:14:23,297
It's stuck.
I'll get some soap.
321
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,820
- [normal voice]
What if there's no liquid soap?
322
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,866
["Dragnet" theme]
323
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:30,086
- We'll just
cut her finger off.
324
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:31,348
Okay.
325
00:14:31,392 --> 00:14:33,785
- Mother, I can't talk now.
I'm under a woman.
326
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,790
Why does that make you happy?
327
00:14:38,834 --> 00:14:41,054
What?
Are you--
328
00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,926
No, I'm not taking you
on a cruise for your birthday.
329
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,146
What, and spend ten days
rubbing your belly
330
00:14:46,189 --> 00:14:48,713
'cause you ate
too much pineapple?
331
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,367
No.
That's a hard pass.
332
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,506
- So strange being back here.
333
00:14:58,549 --> 00:15:00,856
Different but the same.
334
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,684
They changed
my medicine cabinet
335
00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,904
into a Pilates studio.
336
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,342
- Know what, Kar?
337
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:11,127
This feels kind of nice.
338
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:15,305
If women kept their clothes on,
I could be straight.
339
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:20,267
- [grunts]
I got it. I got it.
340
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,878
- What's going on?
341
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,708
Did I take a milk nap?
342
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,188
- Go back to sleep.
Okay.
343
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,277
- What happened to your accent?
344
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:31,800
- Oh, I assimilated.
345
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,977
Got my GED and said good-bye
to my health care.
346
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,371
- And I was never British.
347
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:39,199
♪
348
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:41,288
.
349
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:43,594
[bright piano music]
350
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,945
- You did it, Kar.
You got what you came for.
351
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:47,816
- Yeah.
352
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,122
- What's the matter?
353
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,037
You got that happy-sad look,
354
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,734
like when you see
a waiter fall
355
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:56,433
but then realize
they were carrying your drink.
356
00:15:57,826 --> 00:16:01,351
- It's this inscription--
"Forever yours."
357
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,875
- Stan had that inscribed
for you, huh?
358
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:06,791
- But we didn't last forever,
did we?
359
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,097
[sighs]
360
00:16:08,141 --> 00:16:09,446
Stan's not mine anymore
361
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:12,014
and this isn't mine
anymore either.
362
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,060
None of this is.
363
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,670
- But you had
a whole life here.
364
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,455
- My life
is somewhere else now.
365
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:21,458
I'm not even sure this place
brings me joy anymore.
366
00:16:21,502 --> 00:16:22,503
Boo!
367
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:28,161
[both laughing]
368
00:16:30,119 --> 00:16:33,340
- [sighs]
Funny is funny, right?
369
00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,953
- Not another step, you two.
370
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,737
both:
It was her idea.
371
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:41,826
- Karen, Jack,
372
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:44,307
were you gonna leave
without saying good-bye?
373
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,005
- How'd you know it was us?
374
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:49,399
- Your faces.
375
00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:50,922
Gosh, I had so much fun
376
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:55,057
playing make-'em-ups
and getting drugged by you.
377
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,232
I'm glad
you got your ring back.
378
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:59,235
It's obviously super important
to you.
379
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,324
- Thanks Val, but...
380
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,760
I don't want it.
381
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,979
It belongs to you.
382
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,067
- Oh, no.
I can't take it.
383
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:07,287
Stan got it for you.
384
00:17:07,330 --> 00:17:09,028
And if I want something
really nice on my hands,
385
00:17:09,071 --> 00:17:12,683
I can just ask him
to buy me fancy ring pops.
386
00:17:14,337 --> 00:17:17,036
Besides, I wouldn't want
to ruin our friendship.
387
00:17:17,079 --> 00:17:19,342
- You think of me as a friend?
388
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,910
- You're, like, my best friend.
389
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,172
Best human friend.
390
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:26,088
- You think of me as human?
391
00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,003
- Kind of.
392
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,008
- Well,
if neither of us wants the ring
393
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,270
what should we do with it?
394
00:17:34,314 --> 00:17:37,143
["Dragnet" theme]
395
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:40,363
♪
396
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,191
- Yeah.
No, Mother, that's right.
397
00:17:42,235 --> 00:17:45,194
I had it inscribed
just for you.
398
00:17:45,238 --> 00:17:47,675
Well, I meant it.
399
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,068
I am...
400
00:17:49,111 --> 00:17:52,114
forever yours.
401
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334
[sighs]
402
00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:55,900
No, Mother,
I'm married now.
403
00:17:55,944 --> 00:18:00,775
I'm never moving home.
My only plan B is death.
404
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,255
What do you mean
where are you gonna wear it?
405
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,560
How about anywhere?
406
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,214
You're a 77-year-old knockout
407
00:18:05,258 --> 00:18:07,042
with a high arch
and your own hair!
408
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,131
Live it!
409
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,829
And, Mom...
410
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:14,876
happy birthday.
411
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,878
- Okay, I'm back.
412
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,663
- Everything go okay in there?
You were gone for a half hour.
413
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,796
- I had to lean up against
the tile for a while till the--
414
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,624
till the spasms
went away, but--
415
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:26,105
but I'm good as--
[groans]
416
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:27,715
- Will you go lie down, please?
417
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,196
- [scoffs] This is crazy.
You're having my baby.
418
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,241
I'm supposed
to be taking care of you.
419
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,634
Are you--are you hungry?
420
00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:37,116
If you give me six hours,
I can get to the kitchen.
421
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:38,682
- No, just get in bed.
422
00:18:38,726 --> 00:18:41,120
You're as stubborn
as my grandpa.
423
00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,469
This side.
424
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:46,125
- Move over.
- [scoffs and grumbles]
425
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, and it was perfect.
426
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:50,477
- [groans]
427
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,740
No wonder we remind you
of your grandparents.
428
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:55,743
We're basically skeletons
having babies.
429
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,441
- But isn't having kids
gonna keep us young?
430
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,661
Isn't that something
people say?
431
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:02,750
- It's something liars say.
432
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,753
[stutters]
433
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,972
We're gonna be exhausted
and frail,
434
00:19:08,016 --> 00:19:11,150
and we won't understand any
of their weird music
435
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:12,760
or technology.
436
00:19:12,803 --> 00:19:16,807
- I don't understand any
of our technology.
437
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:19,723
How are we grandparents
before we're even parents?
438
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,248
- No, when I said you guys
reminded me of my grandparents,
439
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:24,293
I meant that as a compliment.
440
00:19:24,337 --> 00:19:27,035
My mom worked three jobs.
My dad left when I was little.
441
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,646
My grandparents
pretty much raised me.
442
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,562
- But they were
active grandparents, right?
443
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,000
Like, the ones
444
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:38,699
who have snowball fights
in the Celebrex ads?
445
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:39,700
- Mm-mm.
446
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:41,180
No, they hardly left
the couch,
447
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:44,487
but they were kind, and they
knew how the world worked.
448
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,706
And when I had hard days--
449
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,751
and I had a lot
of really hard days--
450
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,927
they would let me sleep
right in between them
451
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,755
where I knew I was safe.
452
00:19:51,799 --> 00:19:56,064
That's what a kid needs,
not someone to twerk with.
453
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:58,284
- You're not gonna
let me forget that, are you?
454
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,676
- Never.
455
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,070
And if you do,
I have a video.
456
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:03,854
- Oh, good.
457
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:05,639
- You guys are
gonna be great parents.
458
00:20:05,682 --> 00:20:07,162
- Thanks.
- That means a lot.
459
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,556
- All right, good night, guys.
Get some rest.
460
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,601
- Um, you know, there's room
for one more in here.
461
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,255
- Really?
- Yeah.
462
00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,476
You'll be sleeping in a sea of
crumbs and used dental floss,
463
00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,999
but you'll get used to it.
464
00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:20,480
- He's joking.
465
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,569
I don't floss.
466
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,357
- Ahh...
- [groans]
467
00:20:28,401 --> 00:20:32,709
- Aw.
This is so nice.
468
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,234
And this duvet
is so comfortable.
469
00:20:35,277 --> 00:20:38,367
- I got a good deal.
470
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,587
Of course,
this was in the '90s,
471
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:44,504
so things
were much cheaper then.
472
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:47,550
You could get a cup of coffee
for a dollar.
473
00:20:47,594 --> 00:20:48,725
- Shut up.
474
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,293
- You could see a movie
for five.
475
00:20:51,337 --> 00:20:53,382
- That's crazy.
476
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:57,430
This reminds me of this one
time I was at my grandparent's.
477
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,432
It was the middle of winter.
478
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:02,130
I'd been playing in the snow
all day.
479
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,960
My grandma made me a cup
of hot cocoa.
480
00:21:06,003 --> 00:21:09,659
[both snoring]
481
00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:12,271
- [groans]
Damn.
482
00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,447
The lights.
483
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,976
Wow, they are old.
33973
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
