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1
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Douglas!
2
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Douglas!
3
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Douglas!
4
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What?
5
00:00:11,014 --> 00:00:11,953
Come here
6
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I'm busy!
7
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You're dizzy?
8
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I'm busy with a "B."
9
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Dizzy?
10
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Yes, I'm dizzy.
11
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Well, come down here anyway.
12
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Hold on to the rail.
13
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What is it?
14
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I can't get the naked channel.
15
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We don't get the naked channel.
16
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Yes, we do. We were watching it last night.
17
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That was Nightline.
18
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Just tell me what number is the naked channel.
19
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We don't get the naked channel!
20
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Why not?
21
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,445
I don't know!
22
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,151
Doug!
23
00:01:53,176 --> 00:01:54,081
What?
24
00:01:54,395 --> 00:01:56,901
Would you come here? I need help with these boxes.
25
00:01:56,926 --> 00:01:58,620
I'm in the middle of something.
26
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CARRIE: Doug!
27
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All right, all right.
28
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Wow, you're making progress in here, huh?
29
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Yeah, I have to. It's my only day to get it done.
30
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Okay, all these boxes out here can go in the garage,
31
00:02:17,152 --> 00:02:19,745
and these boxes here you can take down to the dumpster, okay?
32
00:02:24,735 --> 00:02:26,260
Hello? Dumpster.
33
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Wait! I'm not sure I want to get rid of this stuff.
34
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Hey, look at this, one of my videotapes. I want to keep this.
35
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Okay, this is an episode of Quincy.
36
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Uh, excuse me. Two episodes.
37
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Okay, fine.
38
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Just keep it, keep all of it,
39
00:02:45,856 --> 00:02:49,270
just get it out of here, and while you're at it could you toss out those newspapers?
40
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I'm gonna read those.
41
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:57,661
Okay, Doug, All I want is a lousy 3-by-3 space so I could do my work in peace.
42
00:02:57,686 --> 00:02:59,005
Why are you fighting me?
43
00:02:59,030 --> 00:03:01,960
I'm not. I'm fine with your whole home-office thing.
44
00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:03,095
Fine.
45
00:03:03,765 --> 00:03:07,067
Not clear on why we need a bank loan to get it done, though.
46
00:03:07,952 --> 00:03:10,618
Because all our cash is tied up.
47
00:03:10,643 --> 00:03:11,743
Yeah, but still, a loan?
48
00:03:11,768 --> 00:03:13,101
Let me tell you something, Carrie.
49
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,653
I could turn this whole room into a palace for $100 bucks.
50
00:03:15,678 --> 00:03:17,786
Sorry, Doug, it's gonna cost a lot more than $100 bucks.
51
00:03:17,811 --> 00:03:18,877
Uh, how much more?
52
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Try 40 times that.
53
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$40,000?
54
00:03:24,113 --> 00:03:26,481
Oh, wait a second, $4000?
55
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:34,153
Yes, Doug, $4000. I need a computer, a desk, wallpaper, curtains, office supplies...
56
00:03:34,178 --> 00:03:36,223
Office supplies? What, you can't steal those from work?
57
00:03:37,995 --> 00:03:39,195
You know what the problem is?
58
00:03:39,524 --> 00:03:40,923
I'll tell you what the problem is.
59
00:03:40,948 --> 00:03:43,426
It's that copy of House Beautiful that came in our mail by mistake.
60
00:03:43,451 --> 00:03:45,708
You flipped through that, and now you got a bee in your bonnet
61
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about making a fancy office for yourself.
62
00:03:48,763 --> 00:03:51,137
A bee in my bonnet?
63
00:03:51,754 --> 00:03:53,419
Yeah, that's a real thing, right?
64
00:03:54,663 --> 00:03:59,841
Okay, look, Doug, I have been schlepping boxes
since 6 a.m. and I haven't had my coffee yet.
65
00:03:59,866 --> 00:04:03,817
So if you keep aggravating me,
I'm going to bite you.
66
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:07,520
Look, all I'm saying is that if you don't...
67
00:04:07,697 --> 00:04:09,597
Arthur, your toast is done.
68
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,731
Don't tell me!
69
00:04:17,297 --> 00:04:18,664
Look, let me remind you,
70
00:04:18,689 --> 00:04:20,809
when I fixed up this garage, you know what it cost me?
71
00:04:20,834 --> 00:04:22,841
Nothing. Not a dime. Bupkiss.
72
00:04:22,866 --> 00:04:26,223
Uh, hi? What about that $2800 big-screen TV?
73
00:04:26,248 --> 00:04:30,005
Uh, hi, Electronics Depot charge card.
No payments till November '99.
74
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That's next month.
75
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Ooh.
76
00:04:33,654 --> 00:04:37,786
Look, Doug, I don't want to argue
about this. Just be at the bank at 10:30,
77
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,716
we'll sign the loan papers,
and you can get on with your life.
78
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:44,458
10:30? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait!
79
00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:46,184
What is this about 10:30?
80
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You told me you were gonna make the loan appointment
during my lunch break? Well, I tried for that,
81
00:04:49,514 --> 00:04:52,301
but she's going on vacation tomorrow.
That's all she had.
82
00:04:52,485 --> 00:04:54,252
I told you this last night.
83
00:04:54,324 --> 00:04:55,028
When?
84
00:04:55,122 --> 00:04:59,395
In the bedroom, when you were working out,
doing those stupid hand grippy things.
85
00:04:59,769 --> 00:05:01,958
Yeah, well, obviously I didn't hear you.
I was in a zone.
86
00:05:03,180 --> 00:05:06,200
Look, there's no way I'm gonna make
it at 10:30. I'm running late as it is.
87
00:05:06,512 --> 00:05:09,513
Doug, she's leaving town tomorrow. I need the loan today.
88
00:05:09,538 --> 00:05:13,239
What do you want from me? I can't get
away. My days are jam-packed with work.
89
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:14,981
I saw you roll your eyes right there.
90
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:16,661
Wasn't trying to hide it.
91
00:05:17,481 --> 00:05:19,044
Nope, can't do it, sorry.
92
00:05:19,107 --> 00:05:23,184
Doug, you're being so passive-aggressive about
this. I mean, if this was something you wanted,
93
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:24,161
you would get off work.
94
00:05:24,186 --> 00:05:26,911
But you just got a bee in your bonnet
because I want to use a little money
95
00:05:26,936 --> 00:05:28,145
to make my office look nice.
96
00:05:28,170 --> 00:05:31,434
Okay, first of all, don't use the "bee in the bonnet" thing.
97
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That's mine.
98
00:05:33,841 --> 00:05:38,005
Okay, second of all, I'd be happy to meet you
at the bank if it's during my lunch break, okay?
99
00:05:38,030 --> 00:05:40,263
The rest of my workday, I'm busy. You understand that?
100
00:05:40,347 --> 00:05:44,997
Busy. Not passive, not aggressive, busy.
101
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88...
102
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89...
103
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90 and 91.
104
00:05:52,220 --> 00:05:54,083
Oh, yeah!
105
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Uh, sorry, Morales, but there's a new sheriff
in town, and his name is Doug Heffernan.
106
00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:01,170
Keep going, my man. Build on it, build on it.
107
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,981
92, 93, 94...
108
00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:05,044
All right.
109
00:06:05,069 --> 00:06:07,069
Ninety f...
110
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Oh. Guess that one didn't land.
111
00:06:10,209 --> 00:06:12,958
At least you're in the record books,
my man. Come on, let's hit the road.
112
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:14,786
Come on.
113
00:06:15,389 --> 00:06:16,388
Deac?
114
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What?
115
00:06:17,829 --> 00:06:19,184
Could you please come to me?
116
00:06:21,610 --> 00:06:22,677
What's up?
117
00:06:24,007 --> 00:06:26,747
I'm not sure, but I think I may have shot myself.
118
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Really?
119
00:06:28,694 --> 00:06:29,523
Where?
120
00:06:30,278 --> 00:06:32,950
In a very, very bad place.
121
00:06:34,247 --> 00:06:35,559
Where?
122
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Right in the twins' playpen.
123
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Oooh!
124
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Ow. Does it hurt?
125
00:06:43,363 --> 00:06:44,528
Actually, no.It's...
126
00:06:46,575 --> 00:06:50,106
it's more of a little sting, you know.
Like a... like a rabbit bit me.
127
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:53,981
Wait a minute, may... Maybe it's
not in there. Maybe it just grazed you.
128
00:06:54,006 --> 00:06:57,622
Yeah, maybe it grazed me, you're right, yeah. Do
me a favor, take a look. Oh, no, no. No way, man.
129
00:06:57,647 --> 00:07:00,262
- Come on, would you take a look, please?
- I don't wanna look. You look.
130
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,568
I don't bend that far.
131
00:07:02,186 --> 00:07:03,434
All right, all right.
132
00:07:03,822 --> 00:07:07,083
- Just look. Don't touch anything.
- Yeah. Good thing you mentioned that.
133
00:07:08,958 --> 00:07:10,575
How you doing?
134
00:07:12,893 --> 00:07:15,229
How about... how about an update there, pal?
135
00:07:16,076 --> 00:07:17,825
Okay, it's definitely in there.
136
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:19,419
Oh, my God! What should I do? What do I do?!
137
00:07:19,444 --> 00:07:20,643
Just relax, don't panic.
138
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,966
I have to panic, okay? I'm attached to my shorts!
139
00:07:22,991 --> 00:07:25,257
Look, all right, look, we'll take care of it.
140
00:07:25,282 --> 00:07:27,051
Take care of it. Get it out of me, man.
141
00:07:27,076 --> 00:07:28,223
- Get it out of me!
- All right. Look, look.
142
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,684
I'll just give your shorts one quick yank and it'll come right out.
143
00:07:30,709 --> 00:07:32,723
- What are you, crazy?
- What?
144
00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:36,270
What if the staple didn't go in straight?
What if it's like a grabbie?
145
00:07:36,295 --> 00:07:38,796
No, no, I'm pretty sure these go in straight.
146
00:07:38,844 --> 00:07:41,067
Pretty sure? You were gonna pull on a "pretty sure"?
147
00:07:41,092 --> 00:07:43,122
- You said get it out.
- Well, find another way!
148
00:07:43,147 --> 00:07:46,755
All rightÙˆLook, I'm gonna take you to the emergency
room, then I'll finish your shift, all right?
149
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:49,614
Good. Okay. Hand off me.
150
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,020
- How's that?
- Doug, your wife's on line one.
151
00:07:53,045 --> 00:07:54,434
Ooh, God!
152
00:08:02,723 --> 00:08:03,708
Hey.
153
00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:06,301
Hey, how are you doing, sweetie?
154
00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:07,403
Good. Fine. You? Good?
155
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:11,301
Good. Listen, uh, I was thinking about it,
156
00:08:11,864 --> 00:08:14,958
and, well, uh, I'm sorry about our stupid fight this morning.
157
00:08:14,983 --> 00:08:17,075
Uh-huh, uh-huh. So, see you tonight?
158
00:08:18,006 --> 00:08:21,950
I shouldn't have said what I said,
you know, about you not working hard.
159
00:08:22,097 --> 00:08:23,614
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
160
00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:30,833
That was just really insensitive of me. I
know you work very, very hard, honey.
161
00:08:30,858 --> 00:08:32,622
Hard worker. Yah... yeah.
162
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,630
Look, Doug, I am trying to apologize to you.
163
00:08:36,655 --> 00:08:38,583
The least you could do is say you're sorry.
164
00:08:38,608 --> 00:08:40,161
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
165
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,552
Okay, stop.
166
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,926
The other reason why I called is
167
00:08:44,951 --> 00:08:46,550
I talked to the lady at the bank,
168
00:08:46,575 --> 00:08:49,977
I begged her, and she agreed to me us at your lunch hour.
169
00:08:50,077 --> 00:08:52,144
So, I'll see you at the bank at 1:30, okay?
170
00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,426
Any chance you could miss, like, one pothole?
171
00:09:05,872 --> 00:09:07,997
This is the quickest way to the hospital.
172
00:09:08,934 --> 00:09:11,294
So, why didn't you just tell Carrie what happened?
173
00:09:11,421 --> 00:09:15,723
Because we got in a fight this morning, and I
made a huge deal about how busy I am at work.
174
00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:18,051
How could I possibly explain this?
175
00:09:18,986 --> 00:09:20,886
Just tell her it happened while you were working.
176
00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,210
While I was working?
177
00:09:22,235 --> 00:09:24,098
The staple came in from behind me.
178
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:25,450
Then tell her I did it.
179
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:26,583
You?
180
00:09:26,669 --> 00:09:30,203
Yeah, you were bending over, and I noticed,
181
00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:33,489
and I came up behind you with a staple gun...
182
00:09:33,514 --> 00:09:35,403
All right, I'm gonna stop you right there.
183
00:09:36,193 --> 00:09:38,731
This sounds worse than what really happened.
184
00:09:39,382 --> 00:09:41,583
Look, there's no reason she has to know anything, all right?
185
00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:45,432
It's still only 11:00. I could get this
thing removed and get to the bank by 1:30.
186
00:09:45,457 --> 00:09:47,145
No one has to know the difference.
187
00:09:47,303 --> 00:09:49,637
Won't she eventually look in that area?
188
00:09:49,702 --> 00:09:51,317
Believe me, not if I don't ask.
189
00:09:54,049 --> 00:09:55,184
Uh-oh.
190
00:09:55,772 --> 00:09:56,700
Speed bump.
191
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,075
Here we go. All filled out.
192
00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:08,262
I will be, uh, right over there
when you're ready for me. Okay?
193
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,002
Qaddafi! Ow...
194
00:10:22,717 --> 00:10:24,283
Sir? Hm?
195
00:10:24,479 --> 00:10:27,057
You forgot to write down what you're here for.
196
00:10:27,384 --> 00:10:28,616
Oh, did I? Ha!
197
00:10:28,774 --> 00:10:29,502
Yes.
198
00:10:29,848 --> 00:10:31,916
Forgot to write it down. That's...
199
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:33,684
that's wild, isn't it?
200
00:10:35,820 --> 00:10:37,643
What are you here for?
201
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,657
Uh... just a second, okay?
202
00:10:43,595 --> 00:10:44,682
Yuspa!
203
00:10:46,615 --> 00:10:48,716
Oh, yeah! Unh!
204
00:10:50,735 --> 00:10:52,533
Okay. I, uh...
205
00:10:53,604 --> 00:10:56,572
You know what? Let me just
draw you a picture here. This will...
206
00:10:57,963 --> 00:11:00,931
Explain everything. That'll tell the story right there, okay?
207
00:11:05,757 --> 00:11:08,193
Are these what I think they are?
208
00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:13,299
Yes. Yes. Yes.
That's the whole area right there.
209
00:11:13,829 --> 00:11:15,563
Of course that's not actual size.
210
00:11:19,377 --> 00:11:21,354
Actually, right now, it probably is,
because I'm a little nervous.
211
00:11:21,379 --> 00:11:22,912
Is the doctor gonna see me soon?
212
00:11:24,936 --> 00:11:26,380
What's this line?
213
00:11:26,799 --> 00:11:28,088
That's a staple. A staple.
214
00:11:28,113 --> 00:11:30,931
Yeah, a staple. That's one staple right there. A staple.
215
00:11:30,985 --> 00:11:33,080
How's that doctor thing looking?
216
00:11:34,013 --> 00:11:37,259
In a few minutes. I'll just have to see
your insurance card.
217
00:11:38,392 --> 00:11:39,430
Oh.
218
00:11:39,455 --> 00:11:41,103
Arthur, it's me Doug.
219
00:11:41,954 --> 00:11:43,275
Your son-in-law.
220
00:11:45,025 --> 00:11:46,783
Douglas? Yes.
221
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:48,839
Doug is short for Douglas.
222
00:11:50,556 --> 00:11:51,789
Well, now you know.
223
00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:55,299
Listen, I need you to do me a favor.
224
00:11:55,324 --> 00:11:59,573
I need you to get me Carrie's insurance card
and bring it to me at Flushing Meadow Hospital.
225
00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:01,304
I'll tell you later.
226
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:04,032
Just make sure she doesn't find out you're meeting me here.
227
00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:05,139
Okay? Thanks.
228
00:12:07,173 --> 00:12:08,740
I love you too.
229
00:12:31,525 --> 00:12:32,825
Okay...
230
00:12:35,384 --> 00:12:37,149
What's the story?
231
00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:40,852
Story? No story.
I was just standing here casually
232
00:12:40,950 --> 00:12:42,438
scratching my head.
233
00:12:43,845 --> 00:12:46,321
You were rifling through my purse.
234
00:12:46,442 --> 00:12:49,798
Uh-huh. That's only because I was...
235
00:12:50,698 --> 00:12:52,477
stealing money.
236
00:12:55,893 --> 00:12:57,223
Okay.
237
00:12:57,465 --> 00:12:58,333
Why?
238
00:12:58,397 --> 00:13:00,030
I'm gonna level with you, honey.
239
00:13:00,129 --> 00:13:01,294
I have a gambling problem.
240
00:13:01,319 --> 00:13:05,302
My bookmaker Jimmy Marbles is gonna break my
kneecaps if I don't come up with the scratch!
241
00:13:07,511 --> 00:13:11,958
Dad, if you keep saying things like this,
how will I know when you're going senile?
242
00:13:13,012 --> 00:13:14,184
Uh-huh.
243
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:18,215
Truth is, I was just looking for a Tic Tac
and here we go!
244
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,426
Birth control pills, dad.
245
00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:26,997
Why do you need birth control pills?
246
00:13:27,092 --> 00:13:28,559
Does he touch you?!
247
00:13:46,517 --> 00:13:47,884
Oh, God, Arthur, where you been?
248
00:13:47,909 --> 00:13:50,476
Sorry. I thought you said Flushing Meadow Park.
249
00:13:50,501 --> 00:13:52,611
Then I got caught up in a girls' soccer game.
250
00:13:52,636 --> 00:13:53,603
Here you go.
251
00:13:55,850 --> 00:13:57,510
Thanks. Aah...
252
00:13:57,831 --> 00:13:58,964
So, uh...
253
00:13:59,052 --> 00:14:00,424
What are you here for?
254
00:14:00,449 --> 00:14:02,666
Uh, nothing. Just, uh...
255
00:14:03,278 --> 00:14:04,577
Nothing.
256
00:14:04,602 --> 00:14:05,869
Come on. What is it?
257
00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:07,922
Eczema? Pinkeye?
258
00:14:09,442 --> 00:14:10,509
No, Arthur.
259
00:14:11,836 --> 00:14:14,038
Having something, uh... "enhanced"?
260
00:14:17,518 --> 00:14:18,518
Again, no.
261
00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,799
- Then what?
- I just had a little accident at work.I, uh...
262
00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:24,615
shot myself with a staple gun.
263
00:14:24,789 --> 00:14:25,654
Where?
264
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:27,713
In, uh...
265
00:14:28,088 --> 00:14:29,096
Really?
266
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,299
Let's have a look.
267
00:14:30,324 --> 00:14:31,439
No, Arthur...
268
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:34,535
- I don't see it.
- Arthur, come on, man, let's go, okay?
269
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,572
Straddle me so I can get a better angle.
270
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:38,447
- Get up...
- Oh, there it is!
271
00:14:38,472 --> 00:14:40,172
Right in the tool bag!
272
00:14:40,486 --> 00:14:41,307
Whoa!
273
00:14:41,791 --> 00:14:43,916
Would you stop and settle down?
274
00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:46,252
Come on. This is hard enough for me as it is.
275
00:14:46,464 --> 00:14:48,497
I know what you're going through, Douglas. I've...
276
00:14:48,584 --> 00:14:50,083
been down this road myself.
277
00:14:52,573 --> 00:14:53,573
You have?
278
00:14:53,598 --> 00:14:56,252
Sure. Staples, rivets...
279
00:14:56,893 --> 00:14:58,502
knitting needles...
280
00:14:59,442 --> 00:15:01,775
my advice is just leave it in.
281
00:15:03,822 --> 00:15:06,549
Leave it in? I'm attached to my IPS shorts.
282
00:15:06,574 --> 00:15:09,175
Not a problem. Just make sure you don't lose your job.
283
00:15:11,396 --> 00:15:13,611
Yeah. Uh, insurance card.
284
00:15:13,641 --> 00:15:14,978
How much longer?
285
00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:17,010
Uh, the doctor is just finishing up. You're next.
286
00:15:17,158 --> 00:15:18,127
Oh, great.
287
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:20,658
If you just follow me to the examining area...
288
00:15:20,683 --> 00:15:21,848
Bus crash!
289
00:15:21,873 --> 00:15:24,846
Ten critical, three serious! Triage setup outside!
290
00:15:24,871 --> 00:15:28,373
Uh... this is a first-come first-served dealie, right?
291
00:15:31,179 --> 00:15:33,518
Arthur, look, do me a favor.
Hold my place in line, would you?
292
00:15:33,937 --> 00:15:37,072
Oww... aah, baby steps... baby steps...
293
00:15:47,650 --> 00:15:50,393
- Hey.
- Hey! There you are. Yeah.
294
00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:52,494
Hey, how you doing there? Good to see you.
295
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:54,392
What's that about?
296
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:55,330
Hmm?
297
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,518
What, no hug?
298
00:15:56,978 --> 00:15:58,689
Honey, we are in a bank. It's...
299
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:02,541
unless we're trying to borrow money for a porno film,
I think we ought to pull in the reins a little, huh?
300
00:16:04,205 --> 00:16:05,822
Okay, what's going on?
301
00:16:05,847 --> 00:16:06,666
What do you mean?
302
00:16:06,691 --> 00:16:09,329
Well, you're acting weird again,
just like you were on the phone.
303
00:16:09,354 --> 00:16:12,088
If you're still mad at me, why don't you just say so?
304
00:16:14,658 --> 00:16:16,283
I am not mad.
305
00:16:16,838 --> 00:16:18,643
You are so. I can tell.
306
00:16:18,668 --> 00:16:21,721
I am not! Let's just sign the stupid
papers and get out of here, okay?
307
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:26,069
"Stupid papers."
Okay, fine. Whatever.
308
00:16:26,478 --> 00:16:28,150
Mr. And Mrs. Hefferman?
309
00:16:28,244 --> 00:16:29,677
Actually, it's Heffer-nin.
310
00:16:29,742 --> 00:16:33,744
Oh. Well, I'm sorry.
Right this way, Mr. and Mrs. Heffer-nin.
311
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:39,166
Well, you don't actually have to punch the
"nin." I was just saying that for your benefit.
312
00:16:39,838 --> 00:16:41,228
Please come in.
313
00:16:41,963 --> 00:16:45,689
Honey, look at you. You're a mess.
Would you fix your collar?
314
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:48,047
And pull up your pants.
315
00:16:54,306 --> 00:16:57,408
Now, there are three different payment options,
316
00:16:57,433 --> 00:17:01,826
each with its own distinct advantages and disadvantages.
317
00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:03,943
Would you like me to review them for you?
318
00:17:03,968 --> 00:17:06,235
No. Whichever one you like is fine.
319
00:17:06,849 --> 00:17:09,545
Uh, honey, I would like to hear them.
320
00:17:10,349 --> 00:17:11,740
Fine.
321
00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:13,574
Well, option one
322
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,380
is just your straightforward fixed monthly payment.
323
00:17:16,405 --> 00:17:18,305
It's not one of your more exciting choices,
324
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:21,788
but at least you know what you're
getting hit with at the end of the month.
325
00:17:21,894 --> 00:17:26,396
Now, option two is called the floating payment plan.
326
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:32,503
In this plan, your payments vary based upon
fluctuations in the prime rate of interest.
327
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,599
Some months, your payments will be lower,
328
00:17:34,834 --> 00:17:38,341
other months, you'll have a
sharp metal object in your testicles.
329
00:17:39,834 --> 00:17:42,724
Now, for example, if in January,
330
00:17:42,749 --> 00:17:46,050
the prime rate goes to, say, 8%,
331
00:17:46,075 --> 00:17:53,156
what you'll end up with is a common office supply
violating the very essence of your manhood.
332
00:17:53,727 --> 00:17:56,545
And those are your three basic options.
333
00:17:56,737 --> 00:17:57,803
Any questions?
334
00:17:58,958 --> 00:18:00,491
Excuse me just a moment.
335
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:02,912
Ahem! Rhonda Phillips.
336
00:18:04,948 --> 00:18:07,393
So, honey, which option do you think we should go with?
337
00:18:07,418 --> 00:18:09,193
Whichever one is the quickest.
338
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:12,255
For God's sake, can you just give me your opinion?
339
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,521
I can't believe what a baby you're being about this!
340
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:17,505
And why are you sweating so much?
341
00:18:19,818 --> 00:18:22,037
Look, there's something I...
should probably tell you.
342
00:18:22,271 --> 00:18:23,420
What?
343
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:24,801
Come here.
344
00:18:31,948 --> 00:18:34,376
You stapled yourself in the mall?
345
00:18:49,846 --> 00:18:50,880
Really?
346
00:18:54,211 --> 00:18:55,564
- Can I look?
- Yeah.
347
00:18:58,092 --> 00:18:59,092
Okay.
348
00:19:02,338 --> 00:19:03,205
Whoa!
349
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,215
What happened?
350
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:10,412
We were fooling around at work.
I was shooting staples into a tin can.
351
00:19:10,898 --> 00:19:13,298
And then I caught my undercarriage.
352
00:19:15,115 --> 00:19:19,059
Well, what are you doing here?
We should be at the hospital. Let's go.
353
00:19:19,084 --> 00:19:25,160
No. Look, this morning I was being really stupid.
And selfish and... I'm really sorry. All right?
354
00:19:25,420 --> 00:19:27,763
I want you to have your office, just the way you want it.
355
00:19:27,982 --> 00:19:31,334
I want it too, but I also want
to have kids. Now come on.
356
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:36,591
No. Look, we're already here, I can get through
this. All right? I want to do this for you, Carrie.
357
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,310
Let's just make it quick.
358
00:19:40,912 --> 00:19:44,959
Anyway, I'm sorry about that.
But back to business.
359
00:19:45,052 --> 00:19:46,181
You folks decided?
360
00:19:46,482 --> 00:19:49,121
Yeah. We're gonna go with the third one.
The balloon payment one.
361
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:51,396
- The balloon one, yeah.
- Okay. You're sure?
362
00:19:51,421 --> 00:19:52,888
Yeah. We're sure. We like balloons.
363
00:19:52,947 --> 00:19:54,046
Pretty.
364
00:19:55,693 --> 00:19:57,716
Okay, fair enough.
365
00:19:58,724 --> 00:20:01,716
Option... three...
366
00:20:02,638 --> 00:20:05,917
balloon... pay...
367
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,010
Please... use mine.
368
00:20:18,126 --> 00:20:19,159
Thank you.
369
00:20:20,589 --> 00:20:21,807
Payment.
370
00:20:22,198 --> 00:20:27,214
Okay, let me just get these forms here together for you.
371
00:20:27,737 --> 00:20:30,893
All right, here we have your k-19.
372
00:20:33,870 --> 00:20:36,862
And we have your disclosure.
373
00:20:38,857 --> 00:20:40,870
Your tax status report.
374
00:20:42,753 --> 00:20:44,073
Rate schedule.
375
00:20:44,455 --> 00:20:46,784
For God's sake, get a paperclip.
376
00:20:56,057 --> 00:20:59,167
Baltimore 1957
Rand L Metal Works
377
00:20:59,539 --> 00:21:00,370
Spooner!
378
00:21:00,395 --> 00:21:01,176
Yeah?
379
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:03,893
Don't carry that rivet gun in your pocket
380
00:21:03,918 --> 00:21:05,818
Don't tell me
381
00:21:06,901 --> 00:21:08,690
Ohhh!
382
00:21:09,365 --> 00:21:11,385
A little help over her
28582
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