All language subtitles for Somebody.Up.There.Likes.Me.2012.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:23,900 It's funny we all sort of think we're not gonna die. 2 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:47,920 Hi! 3 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:54,460 Your father gave this to me. He asked me never to open it. 4 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:29,080 I guess you take them out of that vase 5 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,920 and put them in your own vase. 6 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,670 I know what to do with flowers. 7 00:03:32,830 --> 00:03:34,410 Yeah, stick 'em in a vase. 8 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:36,380 These flowers say "in memoriam" on them. 9 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,260 -What's that? -They say in memoriam on them. 10 00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:42,540 -Are you completely stupid? -Completely? 11 00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,810 You'd better get going. 12 00:03:48,810 --> 00:03:51,190 That painting I gave you is upside down. 13 00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:14,840 Hey buddy! 14 00:04:19,130 --> 00:04:22,090 Okay, okay... 15 00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:33,440 That was fast. 16 00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:37,940 If I'd gotten the right kind of flowers the first time, 17 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,700 would that be me there? 18 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:41,780 That's a good question. That's a great question. 19 00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:47,200 You don't buy flowers at a grocery stores either. You go to a florist. 20 00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:49,200 Is that true? 21 00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:54,540 -Everybody knows that. -Not everybody. 22 00:05:01,550 --> 00:05:03,640 Well, as you were... 23 00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:31,740 -What are you doing? -I borrowed these. 24 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:35,500 -That's my mom. -Please thank her for me. 25 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,750 -Or I could kick your ass. -Either way. 26 00:05:46,470 --> 00:05:49,470 The woman I married stopped trying after about a year. 27 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,470 She went back to the personality she had before we were married. 28 00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:56,310 She reverted to the personality she had 29 00:05:56,520 --> 00:06:00,190 before she decided she ought to be married. Does that make sense? 30 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:04,450 She stopped-- She just threw in the towel. 31 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:08,870 -What's with the ring? -I re-upped. 32 00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:12,580 If you ever get married don't tell your wife anything. 33 00:06:12,740 --> 00:06:14,700 You can say things, but not honest things. 34 00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,370 If you tell her your first girlfriend was pretty, 35 00:06:17,540 --> 00:06:20,550 don't forget to add "not even close to the way you are". 36 00:06:20,710 --> 00:06:23,720 If you're talking about a smart girl, she was too smart. 37 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,180 Her intelligence was some kind of mistake. 38 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,890 It was kind of a joke on her. If you don't believe me though, 39 00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:33,300 they hit you over the head with it with every chance they got. 40 00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:39,230 -You want some advice? -You mean more advice? 41 00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,690 Just marry the next girl you see. It makes no difference. 42 00:06:55,950 --> 00:06:58,450 Is there anything else we might help you with? 43 00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:00,500 Why? 44 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,960 You seemed like you might had a couple. 45 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,970 No. 46 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,720 I won't tell. 47 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,680 Couldn't find another seat? 48 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,150 Really wanted to talk to someone. 49 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:32,370 I just walked in on my ex-wife in bed with another man. 50 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,830 So there's my problems and whatever your problems are. 51 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,920 -Prison. -Excuse me? 52 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,170 Prison. I'm going to prison. 53 00:07:55,560 --> 00:08:00,810 SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME 54 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:06,730 The last five years, I wake up 55 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,350 it's like something fast forwarded beyond my control. 56 00:08:10,860 --> 00:08:12,820 I have no short term memory-- 57 00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:16,500 everything I say I have to say, "I know I told you this already." 58 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,610 I've gained weight, I have glasses, I'm married, 59 00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:25,670 my wife has gotten kind of fat, and I don't mean that in a mean way. 60 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:27,300 -That is mean. -True. 61 00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:28,870 If I said your wife is kind of fat 62 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,470 it would be hard for it not to sound mean. 63 00:08:30,630 --> 00:08:31,970 -True, and I would beat you. -Try it. 64 00:08:32,130 --> 00:08:34,250 But it's like there was nothing I could do, 65 00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:36,810 I couldn't prevent these things from happening. 66 00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:39,100 I think if you'd asked me about it five years ago, 67 00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:41,230 I would have said, what are you talking about? 68 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:43,220 These things aren't going to happen, not to me. 69 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,270 I didn't know you five years ago. 70 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,860 I used to feel so sorry for forgetful people. 71 00:08:48,020 --> 00:08:49,140 And now? 72 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,030 -Sympathetic. -I think you mean empathetic. 73 00:08:57,990 --> 00:08:59,780 I suppose you're right. 74 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,250 We were here last week, this place is great. 75 00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:12,300 Thank you. May I start you guys off with a cocktail? 76 00:09:12,470 --> 00:09:15,550 I don't like that "you guys". Please don't call us "you guys". 77 00:09:15,890 --> 00:09:17,970 May I start you people off with a cocktail? 78 00:09:18,180 --> 00:09:19,850 May I start you folks off with a cocktail? 79 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:21,810 May I start the two of you off with a cocktail? 80 00:09:21,980 --> 00:09:24,190 See, yes. All those are preferable. 81 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,680 You guys have mojitos? 82 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,280 -You wanna grab a beer tonight? -I actually have a date tonight. 83 00:09:33,450 --> 00:09:35,570 -Where did you meet her? -I haven't. 84 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,970 What about you? The exes. 85 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,220 I never know when to bring the exes up. 86 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,310 Why is she wearing a yellow dress? 87 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,770 Not her first rodeo. 88 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,030 -She's quite youthful. -Shut up. 89 00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,740 Why a yellow dress? 90 00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:22,450 I was married before. You only wear white the first time. 91 00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:25,290 Yeah, I know the concept. I didn't know you were married. 92 00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:27,080 -I told you. -When? 93 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:30,380 -At Barry's barbecue. -I thought you were a vegetarian. 94 00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:33,090 Vegetarians go to barbecues. 95 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,190 -It didn't work out. -I'm sorry. 96 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:56,240 Don't give it another thought. Waiter! 97 00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,790 You want to come in? 98 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:13,380 You brought me to your house. I live four miles from here. 99 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,720 You want to come in? 100 00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:23,640 I meant to compliment you earlier, 101 00:11:23,810 --> 00:11:25,770 on your appearance and your sense of humor. 102 00:11:25,930 --> 00:11:28,270 Oh thanks, thank you. 103 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,850 Who are these pictures of? 104 00:11:33,190 --> 00:11:35,780 Oh that? That's nothing. 105 00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:39,530 Who is the woman in the pictures? 106 00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,700 -That's my old wife. -Pardon me? 107 00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:44,240 I mean it's my ex-wife. My ex-wife. 108 00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,410 Will you take me home please? 109 00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,460 I would, but my car is almost out of gas. 110 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,140 I'm not a mind reader, but something tells me 111 00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:11,100 I'm not getting an invite in. 112 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:15,350 A kiss good night, probably not either, and second base? 113 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,290 Medium rare, I like it medium rare. 114 00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:27,450 You guys know how to cook a medium rare? 115 00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:29,540 -I think so. -Medium rare. 116 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,620 Do you want spinach? We have creamed spinach. 117 00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:34,630 -Does it come with it? -No, it's a la carte. 118 00:12:38,420 --> 00:12:40,550 -That means on its own. -I know what it means. 119 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:43,640 -What comes with it. -The bread sticks. 120 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,970 What kind of a place is this? Am I supposed to get up and dance 121 00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:49,520 cause you brought me bread sticks? 122 00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,650 You're serving 44 dollar steaks, 123 00:12:51,810 --> 00:12:53,480 and you can't find me any vegetables? 124 00:12:53,650 --> 00:12:55,020 Hang on a sec. 125 00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,240 Look out, Derek! 126 00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,250 There's a customer out there 127 00:13:13,420 --> 00:13:16,210 who's asked to speak with you about our a la carte policy. 128 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:17,500 Me? 129 00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:28,720 He left a note. 130 00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:35,400 "Fuck you." 131 00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,240 -Hey Max. -Hey Lyla. 132 00:14:23,110 --> 00:14:25,320 Basically, a list of things to clean. 133 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:28,740 -Ale-- What was it? -Alejandro. 134 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,160 -Where are you from? -Mexico. 135 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:38,630 Okay. We had a native American busboy who was nicknamed Two Bites. 136 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,670 Because he had bitten a guy's balls off. 137 00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,220 In a bar fight. 138 00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:50,220 Gracias. 139 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,860 -Hey Max. -Hey Lyla. 140 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:04,240 -Breadstick? -No, thanks. 141 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:10,110 -How's your Spanish? -Not good. 142 00:15:17,540 --> 00:15:19,710 Why did you wear your uniform on a date? 143 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,050 Why did you wear your uniform-- Is this a date? 144 00:15:25,170 --> 00:15:27,010 Yeah, it's a date. 145 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,640 You see that guy over there, sitting by himself? 146 00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,980 He's not doing anything. 147 00:15:37,350 --> 00:15:39,610 He's minding his own business! It's cute. 148 00:15:39,810 --> 00:15:41,860 He looks like he might be bored, and also kind of boring. 149 00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:43,360 Like being bored isn't enough, 150 00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,560 he's got to take it out on the people that he meets. 151 00:15:45,730 --> 00:15:47,060 I don't know. 152 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:48,770 If that guy got married 153 00:15:48,950 --> 00:15:51,530 he'd become part of the world's most boring couple. 154 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:56,080 -He could be married to a model. -A hand model. 155 00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,960 -I was a hand model. -A catalog model. 156 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,420 -I was a catalog model. -What catalog? 157 00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:03,580 Shoes. 158 00:16:03,750 --> 00:16:05,760 How long have you worked at the steak house? 159 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,250 -Three years. -With raises every six months? 160 00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,670 -Raisins? -Raises. 161 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:12,970 Yeah... 162 00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:15,560 Have you ever had a customer, after you set down a hot plate 163 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,230 and told them "hot plate, don't touch", touch the plate? 164 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:27,520 -You like breadsticks, huh. -Yeah, I can't get enough of 'em! 165 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,770 -Is that your car? -Yeah. 166 00:16:33,740 --> 00:16:35,790 -Don't you take the bus to work? -Yeah. 167 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,490 -How come you never drive it? -I drive it. 168 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:40,320 -When? -Night. 169 00:16:40,710 --> 00:16:42,540 -Where? -Cul de sac. 170 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:46,210 I don't have a driver's license. My dad gave me the car, 171 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,880 he works at the police department, in eternal affairs. 172 00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,050 -Internal affairs. -Internal affairs. 173 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:53,930 I'm not even sure how he got the car, he doesn't make much money. 174 00:16:54,090 --> 00:16:58,010 -Jesus. Can you cook? -Yeah, if-- 175 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,350 No. 176 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,190 Can you cook? 177 00:17:05,310 --> 00:17:07,220 I work in a restaurant. 178 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,360 -Are you good in bed? -I get about eight hours. 179 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:16,990 I guess I meant are you open minded? 180 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,000 Can you get things-- Can you wrap it up? 181 00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:27,090 Can you finish without a ton of help? I can. 182 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:33,680 -You ought to meet Dad? -Is that a pet? 183 00:17:34,300 --> 00:17:36,180 No, my dad. 184 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:47,100 -What do you think about Lyla? -Lyla? Which one is she? 185 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,720 Breadsticks. 186 00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:52,610 You've worked alongside one another for three years 187 00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:54,280 and you don't know her name? 188 00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:56,280 Her dad's a cop right? 189 00:17:56,530 --> 00:17:59,450 Yeah, no, I don't know. I don't like the police very much. 190 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:01,960 I can take care of myself, thank you. 191 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,960 It's not her fault that her dad's a cop. 192 00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,880 If you say so. 193 00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:08,050 Let's just say, hypothetically, 194 00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:12,010 that I was going to get married, would you be the best man? 195 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,220 What's hypothetical, 196 00:18:14,380 --> 00:18:16,470 is that when you say one thing and think another? 197 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,560 I think you're thinking hypocritical... 198 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:22,020 My mom had to take the Hippocratic oath to become a psychiatrist. 199 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:25,230 That's when you promise you'll treat someone who's hurt. 200 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:37,530 I couldn't help but notice you're unaccompanied today. 201 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,410 Can I get you a glass of champagne? 202 00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,750 I'm 16. 203 00:19:36,670 --> 00:19:39,790 Alright, there we go. We got it going on. 204 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:44,270 We got plenty of dance place up here, folks. 205 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:47,600 Congratulations, welcome back to hell. 206 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:51,650 Jesus, my wife, I could tell you some stories. Horror stories. 207 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:54,850 -Whore? -Horror. Horr-or. 208 00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:58,860 -Have you met Lyla's father? -I can't say I have. 209 00:20:01,070 --> 00:20:03,700 You know, the news is in on cigarettes. 210 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,710 Well, thanks for inviting us to your party, 211 00:20:10,870 --> 00:20:13,490 to your marriage party. 212 00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:24,930 Some of you probably know 213 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:28,020 that Max had one marriage go South prematurely. 214 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,310 But this one looks like there's all systems go. 215 00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:35,230 Of course, that another one may looked like that at the beginning. 216 00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:41,950 So here's to you. To all of you! 217 00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:31,710 You think it's necessary to have a weapon at the wedding? 218 00:21:46,470 --> 00:21:48,680 Thank you very much for coming at our hotel. 219 00:21:49,890 --> 00:21:52,440 -I'll take the bags. -Yes, I'll do that sir. 220 00:21:53,310 --> 00:21:54,350 I'm good. 221 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,520 Ma'am, can you just a little bit move at your left? 222 00:21:56,690 --> 00:21:58,730 Yes sir. Mister, you got married. 223 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:01,860 You don't pay at this hotel to take your luggage. This is my job. 224 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,240 I'm sorry. Excuse me. 225 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,160 -Yes sir. -Here you go. 226 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,240 -Here we are. -Yep. 227 00:22:13,460 --> 00:22:16,170 -I take it you've had sex before? -Yes, I have had some sex. 228 00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:20,080 I had some too. I'm not saying it's my first time, but I'm no expert. 229 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,830 Me neither. 230 00:22:22,130 --> 00:22:25,930 Let's give this thing a shot and see who gives out first. 231 00:22:34,940 --> 00:22:36,230 Okay... 232 00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:54,920 We still have it pretty good, right Lyla? 233 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:56,630 Yeah, no question! 234 00:22:56,830 --> 00:22:59,460 Does your mind wonder during intercourse? 235 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,380 No, I kinda like it. 236 00:23:03,130 --> 00:23:05,970 Do you have to think about Johnny Depp to have an orgasm? 237 00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:09,640 I thought about Mark Wahlberg once but it was only for a second, 238 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,760 so not really. 239 00:23:13,430 --> 00:23:17,850 -Do you think about celebrities? -No, I fantasize about you. 240 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,900 Stop it! 241 00:23:23,070 --> 00:23:25,030 I am sorry that I prefer sex in the morning, 242 00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:27,270 and can't seem to get it done at night. 243 00:23:27,490 --> 00:23:28,820 I don't care. 244 00:23:28,990 --> 00:23:31,910 I'm usually so tired from work, but I don't really do anything at work. 245 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,620 -It doesn't make any sense. -I don't care. 246 00:23:36,710 --> 00:23:39,000 -OK, I'll see you soon! -Bye Max. 247 00:24:05,110 --> 00:24:07,910 The divorce was finalized this morning. 248 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:12,740 Someone keyed my car. Keyed the Mercedes. 249 00:24:13,030 --> 00:24:16,150 Excuse me? Did you hear me? Divorce? 250 00:24:17,540 --> 00:24:19,120 I'm sorry. 251 00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:23,670 -You mean congratulations? -Good question. 252 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,590 Great question. 253 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,260 Should I ask you how you feel? How do you feel? 254 00:24:29,970 --> 00:24:31,550 The same. 255 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,850 It makes you wonder if you have any enemies. 256 00:24:40,060 --> 00:24:41,900 Don't give it another thought. 257 00:24:42,060 --> 00:24:44,900 Your concern is a testament to pathetic vanity. 258 00:24:45,730 --> 00:24:47,610 Is that your car? 259 00:25:34,820 --> 00:25:37,990 -What does that mean? -Roll down your window. 260 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,330 I thought it was sexually-themed. 261 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,710 No, but that can be arranged if you want it. 262 00:25:47,710 --> 00:25:49,970 I guess if you made the gesture for an automatic window, 263 00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:52,470 I wouldn't know what the hell you were doing. 264 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,890 Yeah. 265 00:25:57,550 --> 00:26:01,970 OK, I see you around. I see you around, OK? 266 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,790 How's he doing? 267 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,100 He formed his first complete sentence today, really. 268 00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:44,900 Subject/verb. 269 00:26:45,060 --> 00:26:46,900 Yeah? What'd he say? 270 00:26:47,350 --> 00:26:50,520 -Give me a sec. -What did you say? 271 00:26:52,780 --> 00:26:55,200 I'm starting to think we should send this one back. 272 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:56,740 Max! 273 00:27:05,660 --> 00:27:09,490 Hey, I got a sitter, we're having dinner with Dad tonight. 274 00:27:22,350 --> 00:27:24,350 You're the sitter? 275 00:28:13,820 --> 00:28:16,490 Go easy on the fridge, no boyfriends, 276 00:28:16,650 --> 00:28:18,570 make sure the kid's in bed at eight, 277 00:28:18,820 --> 00:28:20,660 no pay-per-view pornographic movies please, 278 00:28:20,820 --> 00:28:24,160 cause I'd take the heat for that, you can order a pizza, 279 00:28:24,330 --> 00:28:26,620 I'll pay half, or deduct it from your wages. 280 00:28:26,790 --> 00:28:29,460 -What are we paying you? -That wasn't discussed. 281 00:28:30,290 --> 00:28:33,800 -I'll pay 25 cents an hour. -He's kidding, don't listen to him. 282 00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:37,130 Do I look like I'm kidding? 283 00:28:40,220 --> 00:28:42,430 Why can't he meet us there? 284 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:45,810 He can't really see at night. Old people can't really see at night. 285 00:28:46,140 --> 00:28:47,060 Jesus. 286 00:28:50,310 --> 00:28:53,020 Jesus. What is going on over here? 287 00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:01,910 Max! 288 00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:13,880 -The fuck was that? -Daddy! Swearing. 289 00:29:14,130 --> 00:29:18,970 -What was what? -Honking the horn? Wise guy? 290 00:29:27,260 --> 00:29:30,680 Seven interceptions. That's right. 291 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,730 Hello. I guess you're off tonight. 292 00:29:35,270 --> 00:29:37,280 Yeah, tonight I'm not working. 293 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,700 May I start you off with a cocktail? 294 00:29:40,650 --> 00:29:45,490 How about you Dad? A glass of wine and a sense of humor? 295 00:29:57,710 --> 00:29:59,300 Would you like to hear about our starters? 296 00:29:59,460 --> 00:30:02,590 -No. -You sure about that? 297 00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:12,010 I was at the Doctor last week. The prognosis's not good. 298 00:30:13,730 --> 00:30:15,520 That's terrible. 299 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:18,400 That's why I asked you two to dinner tonight. 300 00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:23,700 He says I have a year at most. Probably more like six months. 301 00:30:25,860 --> 00:30:28,730 You feel stupid for honking the horn now? 302 00:30:29,580 --> 00:30:30,500 Yes. 303 00:30:36,460 --> 00:30:39,920 Anything else? We're closing up, so... 304 00:30:42,420 --> 00:30:43,800 So... 305 00:30:44,630 --> 00:30:46,290 Can you give us a minute? 306 00:30:46,590 --> 00:30:48,170 I feel like I have, really. 307 00:30:48,350 --> 00:30:50,640 I mean look around, do you see any other patrons? 308 00:30:50,810 --> 00:30:53,730 Could you just ease off? Just back off! 309 00:30:54,850 --> 00:30:55,810 Pardon? 310 00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:58,320 Doc gave me the death sentence today. 311 00:30:59,020 --> 00:31:02,190 Yeah, well they never know that stuff for sure. 312 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:04,980 Yeah? Liver cancer? 313 00:31:05,740 --> 00:31:08,870 OK, that's way up there. You may have a point. 314 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,330 Did you get a second opinion? 315 00:31:12,910 --> 00:31:14,410 If you're looking for sympathy, 316 00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:17,290 I suggest you try another chop house. 317 00:31:17,790 --> 00:31:21,130 I'd like to see you with about six holes in your midsection. 318 00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:23,800 Try it pops. 319 00:31:40,980 --> 00:31:43,650 -Thanks for dinner. -Good night, Daddy. 320 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,380 Wait! Wait till he gets inside. 321 00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:00,880 You really think he's going to have trouble getting in? 322 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,800 He's done it about 6000 times, right? 323 00:32:04,460 --> 00:32:06,760 It's bad form, not waiting. 324 00:32:09,510 --> 00:32:11,560 Was that the car? 325 00:32:12,140 --> 00:32:13,970 Negatory. 326 00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:52,100 He was starting to grow on me maybe a little. 327 00:32:52,260 --> 00:32:55,350 Not me. We were not making any progress. 328 00:32:56,350 --> 00:33:00,440 He left us a ton of money, a ton. I don't know where he got it all. 329 00:33:00,690 --> 00:33:03,150 -I can give you some of it. -Sure thing. 330 00:33:17,830 --> 00:33:19,710 I don't know if you want to keep working with us. 331 00:33:19,870 --> 00:33:24,290 Sure, I mean I don't see how any of this really affects any of that. 332 00:33:24,580 --> 00:33:26,620 He gave us some money, and I'll try and get you some. 333 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,760 But it may be locked up in escrow. Do you know what that is? 334 00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:32,300 -No. -Me neither. 335 00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:35,470 If any of the money frees up from Lyla's father, 336 00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:38,140 I really wouldn't mind a boob job. 337 00:33:41,980 --> 00:33:43,520 It's weird, and we're at a funeral, 338 00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:46,360 but I feel like you're giving me permission to look at your-- 339 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:55,620 I would like to see you in just panties-- Oh man! 340 00:35:39,050 --> 00:35:41,640 Happy birthday, Lyle! 341 00:35:43,180 --> 00:35:45,600 Happy birthday! 342 00:38:15,330 --> 00:38:17,910 Yeah, we have a guest house, but we have someone staying there. 343 00:38:18,090 --> 00:38:21,300 He's been there for a while now. Lyla's taking tennis lessons. 344 00:38:21,460 --> 00:38:23,670 -How is Lyle? -Lyle? 345 00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:27,430 -Your son? -Oh, he's good. He's ten now. 346 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,770 We have the nanny, so I don't see him much. 347 00:38:29,930 --> 00:38:31,810 He's certainly busier than I am. 348 00:38:31,980 --> 00:38:34,650 It's like I have to make an appointment to see my own son! 349 00:38:35,020 --> 00:38:38,230 -OK, I better get going. -Where do you live now, like Idaho? 350 00:38:38,690 --> 00:38:40,360 Yeah, sort of. 351 00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:43,110 Must be nice there this-- Hello? 352 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,580 -You want one? -A little early for that. 353 00:40:12,780 --> 00:40:16,200 And yet it wasn't too early for you to shtup the Nanny. 354 00:40:17,250 --> 00:40:19,250 You won't tell Lyla, will you? 355 00:40:19,540 --> 00:40:21,960 I have every intention of telling Lyla. 356 00:40:31,300 --> 00:40:33,210 I used to think that quitting that job 357 00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,850 and getting set up here was the best thing 358 00:40:35,020 --> 00:40:37,900 that ever happened to me, but now I'm not so sure. 359 00:40:44,980 --> 00:40:47,480 One thing you can be sure of-- 360 00:40:48,030 --> 00:40:50,370 You never know what's good for you. 361 00:40:57,580 --> 00:40:58,790 -Max! -Yeah? 362 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,040 -Max! -What? 363 00:41:01,630 --> 00:41:03,460 His game is over here. 364 00:41:03,630 --> 00:41:05,800 Yeah, I know, but these guys are great. 365 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,510 Do we have any upcoming games against them? 366 00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:22,940 -Do you miss your Dad sometimes? -Of course. 367 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:26,400 -Dad... Old Dad. -Yeah. 368 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,860 What about your family? You never talk about them, 369 00:41:30,030 --> 00:41:32,070 come to think of it, you've never mentioned them. 370 00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,620 -Not once. -Yeah. They're great, great. 371 00:41:36,330 --> 00:41:37,700 Do you think it's a good idea, 372 00:41:37,870 --> 00:41:40,710 having the waiter from the restaurant live in back with us? 373 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:45,590 Do you think it's a good idea, 374 00:41:45,750 --> 00:41:48,880 having the waiter from the restaurant live in back with us? 375 00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:37,890 Hey Lyla! 376 00:42:40,220 --> 00:42:41,800 I can explain. 377 00:42:42,390 --> 00:42:47,770 I've been sleeping with the waiter from the restaurant 378 00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:49,690 who lives behind our house. 379 00:42:49,860 --> 00:42:52,570 Is he better? Thicker? Longer? 380 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:59,370 I don't know. I think he is, I like it, I've had dozens of orgasms. 381 00:42:59,530 --> 00:43:01,490 Dozens and dozens. 382 00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:03,360 I just get in this space where I want another one 383 00:43:03,540 --> 00:43:06,210 and I really don't care what I have to do for it. You know? 384 00:43:06,370 --> 00:43:08,410 Damn the torpedoes? 385 00:43:10,630 --> 00:43:13,880 And that doesn't happen with me, per se. 386 00:43:45,290 --> 00:43:47,830 I think maybe what happened for me was discovering that I was trying 387 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,710 to reassure myself that I was still in love with him, 388 00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,590 despite everything. 389 00:43:51,750 --> 00:43:53,620 And yes, mainly it's the weakness I saw in him, 390 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,380 sleeping with the Clarissa. 391 00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:58,010 -Which one's Clarissa? -Nanny. 392 00:43:59,010 --> 00:44:00,350 The cute one... 393 00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:05,640 It's a cliche, still, I could not make my way past it. 394 00:44:06,890 --> 00:44:08,850 I began to catalogue the things I liked about him, 395 00:44:09,020 --> 00:44:11,980 in an effort to console myself for falling out of love with him. 396 00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:16,030 Like shoes, hair. 397 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:19,700 And then also I begin to hate-- 398 00:44:20,030 --> 00:44:21,910 That's too strong of a word, I guess. 399 00:44:22,330 --> 00:44:25,540 I began to not like the things I had liked about him, 400 00:44:25,950 --> 00:44:30,410 shoes, hair, and it was really time. 401 00:44:31,790 --> 00:44:35,370 So I in turn stepped out of the marriage, and all was lost. 402 00:44:35,550 --> 00:44:39,800 -So what are you saying? -Have you been listening at all? 403 00:44:42,010 --> 00:44:45,890 Are you a doctor? Is this a doctor's office? 404 00:44:47,430 --> 00:44:50,390 -Is this a dream? -Does it seem like a dream? 405 00:44:51,940 --> 00:44:53,110 No. 406 00:44:53,980 --> 00:44:57,530 So it's time to... What? 407 00:44:58,570 --> 00:45:01,620 You know, get out of the relationship. 408 00:45:03,490 --> 00:45:05,080 Right, right... 409 00:45:06,910 --> 00:45:08,670 What about you? 410 00:45:12,790 --> 00:45:14,500 What happened? 411 00:45:22,550 --> 00:45:24,720 I feel like I'm losing my best friend. 412 00:45:24,970 --> 00:45:26,430 Yeah, I think that too. 413 00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,690 I guess that can work for marriages, or not work. 414 00:45:28,850 --> 00:45:31,270 Where you end up dating your sister or your mother 415 00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,440 or your best weird dikey friend from high school. 416 00:45:33,610 --> 00:45:35,530 Yeah. I wasn't really paying too much attention. 417 00:45:35,690 --> 00:45:37,320 Who gets the nanny? 418 00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,640 -Can I have the remote? -No. 419 00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:20,950 Hi! 420 00:46:24,910 --> 00:46:26,240 Do you know what you like? 421 00:46:40,670 --> 00:46:43,050 I can come back. 422 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:38,430 I may head to the office. I have to-- 423 00:47:59,170 --> 00:48:02,210 They took all our money away. Her dad had stolen it. 424 00:48:02,500 --> 00:48:04,790 I thought everyone sort of knew that. 425 00:48:04,970 --> 00:48:07,840 They couldn't prove anything, there was a break in the case, 426 00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:10,390 they located a paper trail, I don't know. 427 00:48:10,550 --> 00:48:12,510 You sound like you don't know what you're talking about. 428 00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:14,640 I'm not letting that stop me. 429 00:48:14,850 --> 00:48:17,150 This car is all that's left, really. 430 00:48:18,900 --> 00:48:21,570 So I guess dad gets the last laugh. 431 00:48:25,900 --> 00:48:27,860 Do you have a cigarette? 432 00:48:31,030 --> 00:48:34,000 OK, I gotta go, can I borrow your hat? 433 00:48:34,370 --> 00:48:36,460 You know I don't wear hats. 434 00:48:38,580 --> 00:48:43,920 Don't say "party of two and a half", say "welcome to Flanigan's". 435 00:48:44,590 --> 00:48:50,300 Do not say "we can't do that", do say "I'll find out right away". 436 00:48:51,180 --> 00:48:54,980 Don't say "yep", do say "absolutely". 437 00:48:55,810 --> 00:48:58,190 Do not say "what can I get for you", 438 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:02,480 do say "how may I assist you?". Any questions? 439 00:49:03,230 --> 00:49:04,990 How do you pronounce that? 440 00:49:05,320 --> 00:49:07,990 Chateaubriand. How old are you? 441 00:49:09,950 --> 00:49:12,620 Surely you don't have to think about that. 442 00:49:14,530 --> 00:49:17,280 Why do I have to train with the dishwasher? 443 00:49:26,710 --> 00:49:28,000 Thanks. 444 00:50:07,130 --> 00:50:10,010 What do I have to complain about, isn't that really what we do here, 445 00:50:10,170 --> 00:50:12,880 when it comes down to it, complain? I mean we're supposed 446 00:50:13,050 --> 00:50:15,890 to be working on ourselves, but I think the best idea 447 00:50:16,050 --> 00:50:17,840 is to come talk to you guys-- 448 00:50:18,010 --> 00:50:19,720 -Don't say you guys. -You people. 449 00:50:19,890 --> 00:50:21,850 And talk about people in our lives for an hour, 450 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,980 and complain about them, and then you go back out there 451 00:50:24,150 --> 00:50:26,730 into the real world and keep the complaining to a minimum. 452 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:29,950 You don't consider this the real world? 453 00:50:30,990 --> 00:50:32,950 You're joking right? 454 00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:48,460 -I thought you were vegetarian. -I am, kind of. 455 00:50:55,430 --> 00:50:59,430 -I'm pregnant. -Wow... Congratula-- 456 00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,350 It's not good news. And it's not yours. 457 00:51:05,020 --> 00:51:07,070 Really? 458 00:51:07,270 --> 00:51:09,360 When I was fifteen I didn't even know what a penis was. 459 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:11,350 I mean forget about a vagina. 460 00:51:13,150 --> 00:51:14,190 Yeah. 461 00:51:15,070 --> 00:51:16,830 Anything to say for yourself? 462 00:51:31,590 --> 00:51:33,430 I probably shouldn't say this or think it, 463 00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:35,590 but I'm sort of proud of him. 464 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:37,550 Yeah, you probably shouldn't say that, 465 00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:39,600 maybe make this the last time you say that. 466 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:41,800 I don't know why we can't have a sense of humor about it. 467 00:51:41,970 --> 00:51:44,930 I'm looking around for mine. It is here someplace. 468 00:51:45,890 --> 00:51:48,100 Maybe it'll seem funny later. 469 00:52:10,540 --> 00:52:13,290 I finally found the courage to leave your ex-wife. 470 00:52:14,050 --> 00:52:15,970 We just weren't really getting anywhere. 471 00:52:16,130 --> 00:52:18,140 I don't know if it's a good idea to expect a relationship 472 00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:20,220 to be going anywhere past a certain stage. 473 00:52:20,390 --> 00:52:23,140 Plus she's poor. I know how to be poor without any help. 474 00:52:23,310 --> 00:52:26,310 I don't need anyone's help to be poor. No thank you. 475 00:52:26,690 --> 00:52:28,650 We should start our own restaurant. 476 00:52:28,810 --> 00:52:31,070 I'm poor and lazy and old. 477 00:52:32,570 --> 00:52:34,150 You know how you know when you're old? 478 00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:36,200 When you sneeze and lose a tooth. 479 00:52:37,070 --> 00:52:39,370 I'm falling apart like a Mexican suitcase. 480 00:52:39,530 --> 00:52:41,830 Before I left Lyla I took some money, 481 00:52:41,990 --> 00:52:45,160 about sixty thousand dollars in cash, for a rainy day. 482 00:52:45,330 --> 00:52:47,290 -Lyla left you. -OK. 483 00:52:47,500 --> 00:52:50,960 But as I said, I took some money, 60K, rainy day? 484 00:52:52,210 --> 00:52:53,670 I'm listening. 485 00:52:54,170 --> 00:52:56,260 The question is really what kind of restaurant. 486 00:52:56,420 --> 00:52:59,670 Italian, Mexican, a burger place? 487 00:53:00,390 --> 00:53:02,220 We could open a steak house across the street. 488 00:53:02,390 --> 00:53:03,970 -I think not. -A coffee shop. 489 00:53:04,140 --> 00:53:05,600 -No. -Ethiopian. 490 00:53:05,850 --> 00:53:07,390 -No. -Vegetarian. 491 00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:08,980 Veganism is for the birds. 492 00:53:09,140 --> 00:53:11,510 The only food everyone seems to agree on is pizza. 493 00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:13,610 -True. -And ice cream. 494 00:53:13,770 --> 00:53:15,850 Don't forget ice cream. 495 00:53:57,230 --> 00:53:59,560 I think all we really need now is a promotion, 496 00:53:59,740 --> 00:54:01,320 and get people hooked on the food. 497 00:54:01,490 --> 00:54:02,990 Buy one get one free? 498 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,580 I think a sign that says Eat at Joe's. 499 00:54:06,660 --> 00:54:09,000 That's what you want outside? Eat at Joe's? 500 00:54:09,160 --> 00:54:12,170 A sign is a promotion. Our sign is our first promotion. 501 00:54:12,420 --> 00:54:15,750 We've put our cards on the table, about what we're selling. 502 00:54:17,050 --> 00:54:19,380 We don't want to get the customers too adjusted to bargains, 503 00:54:19,550 --> 00:54:21,430 or they'll never pay full price. 504 00:54:21,590 --> 00:54:23,760 It's odd that things started to kind of fall apart 505 00:54:23,930 --> 00:54:26,010 when Lyla's Dad died. 506 00:54:26,850 --> 00:54:29,060 Usually when things come apart you'd like to have screwed up, 507 00:54:29,220 --> 00:54:30,680 so it makes more sense. 508 00:54:30,850 --> 00:54:33,940 Boy do I know what you mean. Maybe for the first time ever, 509 00:54:34,100 --> 00:54:35,850 you've said something that made complete sense. 510 00:54:36,060 --> 00:54:38,100 I didn't really like the guy at all. 511 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,110 -He made me really uncomfortable. -Fair enough. 512 00:54:41,610 --> 00:54:44,370 Really unconfortamble. 513 00:54:45,780 --> 00:54:49,040 Hello, you are my first customer. 514 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:52,460 -For today or... -Forever. 515 00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:54,320 OK. 516 00:54:55,170 --> 00:54:57,340 I think I'm gonna go for the ice cream for lunch today. 517 00:54:57,540 --> 00:55:00,460 Ice cream for lunch? How old are you? 518 00:55:00,670 --> 00:55:02,800 I'm 26, my birthday is next week. 519 00:55:03,010 --> 00:55:06,180 Alright, I have 17 flavors today. 520 00:55:07,010 --> 00:55:09,890 I've got 16... 521 00:55:13,350 --> 00:55:17,360 -I've got a delicious cherry-- -Stop! We have. 522 00:55:17,610 --> 00:55:20,360 We have 17 flavors today. 523 00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:25,030 Are we gonna get into this? I'm serving our first customer. 524 00:55:25,570 --> 00:55:29,910 We are partners in this business. I'm making a transaction. 525 00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:32,370 If you wanna say "can I get you", sure. If you wanna say-- 526 00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:36,040 Are you serving ice cream to this gentleman from there? 527 00:55:36,210 --> 00:55:37,540 I don't wanna bring this up, 528 00:55:37,710 --> 00:55:39,670 but how much money did you put into this place? 529 00:55:40,250 --> 00:55:42,620 I put my heart and soul into this place. 530 00:55:43,090 --> 00:55:47,850 -That's true. -I'm just gonna order from you. 531 00:55:48,350 --> 00:55:50,890 Go ahead, what kind of ice cream can I get you? 532 00:55:52,270 --> 00:55:53,940 You're such an asshole! 533 00:55:55,100 --> 00:55:57,190 I'm gonna go for Neapolitan in a cup. 534 00:55:57,350 --> 00:55:59,430 -No Neapolitan. -No Neapolitan? 535 00:55:59,610 --> 00:56:02,690 I consider Neapolitan a pale version of Spumoni. 536 00:56:03,190 --> 00:56:05,400 OK, then I'll guess I'll have Spumoni. 537 00:56:05,570 --> 00:56:07,280 -No Spumoni. -None of that either? 538 00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:09,080 Not at all? 539 00:56:09,450 --> 00:56:12,120 Spumoni and Neapolitan are the striped creams 540 00:56:12,290 --> 00:56:14,830 that come in a frozen block. That's a freezer 541 00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:17,460 I'm gonna let you buy at the grocery store and take home. 542 00:56:17,670 --> 00:56:19,750 The striped ice creams don't work very well 543 00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,090 in a cup and cone establishment such as this is. 544 00:56:22,340 --> 00:56:26,220 OK. What are the topping situations here? 545 00:56:26,380 --> 00:56:28,500 Hang on a second, can I finish? 546 00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:30,850 And also, in addition to the toppings, 547 00:56:31,010 --> 00:56:33,140 is there a whipped cream cherry option? 548 00:56:33,310 --> 00:56:34,980 -You're being difficult. -No, no. 549 00:56:35,140 --> 00:56:37,560 -I'm getting the feel-- -We are. 550 00:56:37,770 --> 00:56:41,530 We're starting to think you're not gonna be our first customer. 551 00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:15,350 They're opening another one in Milwaukee. 552 00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:16,560 Yeah, you told me. 553 00:57:16,730 --> 00:57:19,400 I'm telling you again. It's our three thousandth franchise. 554 00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:21,430 Man, micromanaging these restaurants 555 00:57:21,610 --> 00:57:24,320 is about as much fun as catching pubes in the zipper. 556 00:57:25,530 --> 00:57:27,860 Have you given any more thought to this buyout offer? 557 00:57:28,030 --> 00:57:29,660 -What's that? -Did you give it some thought? 558 00:57:29,820 --> 00:57:31,160 -Yes. -Well? 559 00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:32,900 I mean no. 560 00:57:34,240 --> 00:57:36,250 -Hello? -It's me. 561 00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:38,500 Oh hey, Lyla. 562 00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:41,340 Just calling to remind you 563 00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:43,590 that Lyle's graduation is this weekend. 564 00:57:43,750 --> 00:57:45,380 How's everything on that end? 565 00:57:45,550 --> 00:57:47,840 Fine I suppose. I went to the doctor today. 566 00:57:48,010 --> 00:57:50,390 -How did that go? -Clean bill. 567 00:57:51,180 --> 00:57:52,760 But it's like a clinic for poor people, 568 00:57:52,930 --> 00:57:54,770 so I don't know if I got the best doctor. 569 00:57:54,930 --> 00:57:56,680 He seemed overworked and undereducated. 570 00:57:56,850 --> 00:57:58,940 I'm sure everything is fine. 571 00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,250 I don't know what to say. 572 00:58:18,120 --> 00:58:21,170 I think we have a chance for a good relationship. You know? 573 00:58:22,580 --> 00:58:24,800 Most of my friends who were close to their parents growing up, 574 00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,300 can't stay close to them without looking like douches. 575 00:58:28,210 --> 00:58:31,290 The absent parent, the one who got rich, 576 00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,180 is tailor made for a good relationship. 577 00:58:36,930 --> 00:58:40,440 So I could hate you for not being there for me, but I don't. 578 00:58:41,430 --> 00:58:46,770 You could hate me, but what else do you really have in your life? 579 00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:50,190 I have Jim. The waiter? 580 00:58:52,030 --> 00:58:53,870 Mom's second husband? You mean Sal? 581 00:58:54,030 --> 00:58:55,700 I have Sal. 582 00:59:03,210 --> 00:59:06,210 I have aches and pains I assume are tumors, 583 00:59:07,290 --> 00:59:10,040 I feel like I could drop dead any second. 584 00:59:11,300 --> 00:59:15,100 You're always reading about people in perfect health who drop dead -- 585 00:59:17,100 --> 00:59:18,810 Are you humming? 586 00:59:34,030 --> 00:59:37,080 -Don't you like my singing? -It's nice. 587 00:59:50,090 --> 00:59:52,760 -That's inappropriate. -Sit up straight. 588 01:00:44,020 --> 01:00:45,640 Can I help you? 589 01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:49,720 May I help you? 590 01:00:49,900 --> 01:00:52,690 Not unless you got fifty bucks that's kind of just sittin' around. 591 01:00:52,860 --> 01:00:54,900 Those are her bread sticks. 592 01:00:55,570 --> 01:00:57,200 -Who? -Give 'em back. 593 01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:00,620 What good are they doing her? 594 01:01:00,780 --> 01:01:03,410 Wrong. I am the widower. Give 'em back. 595 01:01:06,290 --> 01:01:07,920 I don't think so. 596 01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,170 I'm gonna call the cops. 597 01:01:10,420 --> 01:01:13,550 -I can run surprisingly fast. -Doubtful. 598 01:01:14,550 --> 01:01:15,920 Try me. 599 01:01:18,260 --> 01:01:21,220 If I can beat you in a foot race will you put the bread sticks back? 600 01:01:22,720 --> 01:01:24,980 Yeah, it's a great idea. 601 01:01:26,220 --> 01:01:28,300 Alright. See that car over there? 602 01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:31,060 Race to the car, touch the car, run back, touch the stone, 603 01:01:31,230 --> 01:01:32,980 the winner gets the bread sticks. 604 01:01:33,150 --> 01:01:35,150 -OK. -All the bread sticks. 605 01:01:36,940 --> 01:01:38,940 -Are you ready? -Yeah, let me get my shit. 606 01:01:39,110 --> 01:01:39,660 OK. 607 01:01:39,820 --> 01:01:42,280 On your mark, get set, go! 608 01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:03,100 Please have identification and insurance information at the ready. 609 01:02:03,510 --> 01:02:05,390 You've been injured, may be ill 610 01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:08,100 and you're being transported to the nearest medical facility. 611 01:02:08,270 --> 01:02:09,520 If you're able 612 01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:12,300 please have identification and insurance information at the ready. 613 01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:16,440 And if not, don't worry about it. What do we look like? 614 01:02:17,530 --> 01:02:19,360 You've been injured, may be ill 615 01:02:19,530 --> 01:02:22,120 and you're being transported to the nearest medical facility. 616 01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:23,740 If you're able 617 01:02:23,910 --> 01:02:26,830 please have identification and insurance information at the ready. 618 01:02:26,990 --> 01:02:30,950 And if not, don't worry about it. What do we look like? 619 01:02:52,230 --> 01:02:54,900 I guess you had a close call. They said you could have died. 620 01:02:55,060 --> 01:02:57,680 Yeah, that tends to apply to a lot of coronary events. 621 01:02:57,860 --> 01:03:01,950 That's what they're calling it now? Coronary event. 622 01:03:02,490 --> 01:03:04,450 It's-- I had a coronary event. 623 01:03:04,610 --> 01:03:06,730 -It gets you thinking. -I guess. 624 01:03:06,990 --> 01:03:10,910 For example, I mean me, I have no friends, zippo, 625 01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:14,070 unless you count you, which I think we pretty much have to. 626 01:03:14,420 --> 01:03:17,420 -So with me, the total count-- -One. 627 01:03:18,090 --> 01:03:19,760 So if I go-- 628 01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:22,760 Zero. 629 01:03:22,970 --> 01:03:25,550 You know... You don't consider me a friend? 630 01:03:26,220 --> 01:03:28,270 Don't take this the wrong way, 631 01:03:28,510 --> 01:03:30,720 I've always considered you more like a son. 632 01:03:30,890 --> 01:03:32,230 OK. 633 01:03:32,560 --> 01:03:34,560 I've always seen you as an vuncular. 634 01:03:35,850 --> 01:03:38,350 He's the one that just had a heart attack. 635 01:03:38,650 --> 01:03:41,030 Vuncular means like an uncle. 636 01:03:42,570 --> 01:03:44,620 It's in "Tale of two cities". 637 01:03:45,570 --> 01:03:50,040 You're thinking uncular, unculiar, unclear. 638 01:03:50,990 --> 01:03:53,910 -You're thinking unclearly. -You're thinking unclearly. 639 01:03:57,080 --> 01:03:59,120 I was born in this hospital. 640 01:04:27,860 --> 01:04:30,860 -You wanna start a tab? -Sure. 641 01:04:31,700 --> 01:04:33,460 How's it going? 642 01:04:34,370 --> 01:04:36,330 I'd like to be left alone. 643 01:05:15,410 --> 01:05:18,920 -Clarissa left me. -Quel surprise! 644 01:05:19,580 --> 01:05:21,740 I'm having trouble sleeping. 645 01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:24,920 I went to the therapist and got meds, but I took too many 646 01:05:25,090 --> 01:05:27,300 and now I'm down to one. 647 01:05:27,590 --> 01:05:30,640 You wouldn't happen to have her contact information? 648 01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:35,310 -Who? The therapist? -Either one. 649 01:05:37,060 --> 01:05:40,060 You shouldn't be back at work, how long has it been? 650 01:05:40,480 --> 01:05:44,900 I feel fine. I don't want be here though. 651 01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:48,660 Let's put you in charge and see how quickly things collapse. 652 01:05:48,860 --> 01:05:51,700 How about Lyle? He got an MBA from Stanford. 653 01:05:51,910 --> 01:05:53,580 No shit? 654 01:05:56,200 --> 01:05:57,290 No shit. 655 01:05:57,450 --> 01:06:00,870 If I felt any better, I'd say, call the Doctor! 656 01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:03,880 Ha ha, that's an old expression, Ham Bone. 657 01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:05,830 Please don't call me "Ham Bone." 658 01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:07,830 I'm just going to lay my head down here on the floor 659 01:06:08,010 --> 01:06:09,260 and rest for a minute. 660 01:06:09,420 --> 01:06:11,250 OK, Ham Boney. 661 01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:16,020 Please don't call me "Ham Boney." 662 01:06:25,270 --> 01:06:29,060 I think it's funny that we all sort of think we're not gonna die. 663 01:06:30,570 --> 01:06:33,240 -If you say so. -I mean what's it all mean? 664 01:06:33,530 --> 01:06:36,700 We're not getting anywhere with your fumbling, alcoholic musings. 665 01:06:38,450 --> 01:06:41,870 -I quit drinking 12 years ago. -If you say so. 666 01:06:42,830 --> 01:06:45,420 I don't have any qualms about wrestling you to the grass, 667 01:06:45,590 --> 01:06:48,300 restraining you, and making you take that back. 668 01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:52,340 Or at least making you promise never to say "if you say so" again. 669 01:06:52,550 --> 01:06:54,850 Is that something that you learned at one of your meetings? 670 01:06:55,050 --> 01:06:57,630 That violence solves nearly everything? 671 01:06:59,680 --> 01:07:02,220 I see his good qualities much more clearly now. 672 01:07:02,390 --> 01:07:04,050 I see very few of his flaws, 673 01:07:04,230 --> 01:07:06,440 like I can't really bring into focus the fact that he saw me, 674 01:07:06,610 --> 01:07:09,360 in many ways, as an afterthought for my entire childhood. 675 01:07:11,820 --> 01:07:15,330 -You look a lot like him. -I don't have to take that. 676 01:07:16,030 --> 01:07:19,000 I just think it's weird that more people didn't turn out. 677 01:07:19,450 --> 01:07:21,790 I expected a turnout, a better turnout. 678 01:07:21,960 --> 01:07:23,880 You could have invited some people. 679 01:07:24,710 --> 01:07:27,250 You don't invite people to a funeral. It's in the newspaper. 680 01:07:27,420 --> 01:07:29,170 Who reads newspapers? 681 01:07:29,420 --> 01:07:32,550 The French. That's who. The French read the newspapers. 682 01:07:32,760 --> 01:07:35,260 You don't have to remind me. I went there once. 683 01:07:37,350 --> 01:07:40,730 Everyone in France has a house that belonged to their parents. 684 01:07:44,900 --> 01:07:49,110 My father, he died, I don't know, like 150 years ago. 685 01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,990 He was an oral surgeon. He fleeced people sans qualms. 686 01:07:53,530 --> 01:07:56,700 The only thing I remember about his funeral is that I was drunk, 687 01:07:56,870 --> 01:07:59,540 it was the morning, and I didn't have anything to wear, 688 01:07:59,700 --> 01:08:04,040 so I had to wear an XXXL sweater of his to deliver the eulogy. 689 01:09:10,440 --> 01:09:11,480 Hi! 690 01:09:12,820 --> 01:09:14,070 Can I help you? 691 01:09:16,490 --> 01:09:18,410 Your father gave this to me. 692 01:09:19,610 --> 01:09:21,610 He asked me never to open it. 51319

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