All language subtitles for Shameless.US.S01E05.720p.BluRay.x264-REWARD

Here's what you missed
on Shameless last week.

I got really drunk.

And I'm not sure
what happened after that.

What the hell is he doing here?

I can't afford to live somewhere else
and support you two.

- Hi, Frank.
- Shit!

- Who the fuck's Tony?
- Tony, sweet.

The cars I sell are mainly not mine.

I like you, Fiona.

You remember Steve?

Yeah, how's it going?

She doesn't care if you have a girlfriend.
Neither do I.

- I'm getting married.
- You what?

- Yeah!
- Ha, ha.

Veronica, will you do me
the honor of being my wife?

- Yes!
- You don't seem very happy...

...to be getting married.
- It's because I'm already married.

I wasn't thinking
about getting married. He brought it up.

Now I'm, like, obsessed. Phillips.

Wasn't he drunk when he proposed?

Oh, yeah, it was like that David
Hasselhoff video, eating a cheeseburger.

- I never saw that.
- Oh, YouTube it, it's a car wreck.

You can't not watch.

You want a drunk proposal to be
the story you tell your grand-kids?

My husband proposed to me
at the top of the Sears Tower.

Champagne and roses.

Six months into the marriage
I found out he was fucking my sister.

- And the moral of the story is?
- My sister's a bitch.

Other than presents and booze,
give three reasons to get married.

Lots of people who love each other
get married every day, Fiona.

I don't know, V. The way things are
between you and Kevin right now...

...it seems perfect. Why ruin it?

What do you get for that?

- What?
- What are they paying...

...for the neck thing? Disability.

Six hundred seventy-four bucks
a month.

That's what I get, heh.

But look, I can do this:

While I admire your commitment,
I gotta tell you, it's a bit over the top.

I told them I get migraines.

- Genius, huh?
- Huh?

- Try proving I don't have them, heh.
- Ugh.

I bet it itches
like you got crabs in there.

Kev, come out.

- You done?
- Why are we getting married?

- What?
- Other than the presents and the booze...

...can you tell me three good reasons
why you want to get married?

Not really. Wait a minute.

This isn't one of those tests, is it? Where
I'm supposed to change your mind?

Heh, if it is, you just failed.

You don't want to get married?

I mean, things between us
are pretty great. I don't want to ruin it.

- What would we tell people?
- That the wedding's off.

- No one's damn business why.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
- Well, great then.

- Guess I gotta tell Momma.
- Oh, yeah.

That's gonna suck.

She's on her way over
to talk about the blessed event.

I am gonna miss getting
a free KitchenAid mixer.

Can you register for gifts
if you're not getting married?

- I got a gift for you. Mm-hm.
- Yeah?

Here comes the bride

All dressed in white

Which I think you can
still get away with, baby.

Hey, Momma.

Oh, I can't believe it.
Oh, I can't believe it!

I can't believe this. What happened?

- Nothing happened.
- How could you do this to me?

Look, nothing's gonna change.
Kev and I are still together.

- Yeah, Momma...
- Don't call me Momma.

We're just cutting out
all the paperwork. Right?

You know, and besides,
until gay people...

...can get married in this state...

...I'm not gonna.

This isn't what your father wants.
You know that, don't you?

Daddy's dead.
He doesn't want anything.

Your daddy, rest his soul,
wants to see his little girl married.

- Look, Momma, I...
- He set a little something aside...

...for you for once
you finally settled down.

- A little what?
- Daddy left you money...

...for your first home
once you got married.

- A house?
- He thought it might keep you...

- ...from being somebody's baby-momma.
- How much?

I don't know, he wanted the envelope
opened on your wedding day.

Now I guess we'll never know.

I just... I never knew
how much it meant to Daddy.

The world.

Maybe we should reconsider, babe.

Heh, but what about the gay people?

They got their parades, they can wait.

It's hot. I'm hot.
Ahem, are you guys hot?

Hot.

- Fiona.
- Coming.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- Oh, it's fresh?
- And clean as a whistle.

Thanks, Fiona. You have
no idea what this means to me.

Means you get to smoke weed and keep
your government job and I get to eat.

It's lasagna, straight from the oven.
Still warm.

So's this.
Keep it that way if you wanna pass.

- Lunch. Eat it or miss it, people.
- Thanks. Bye.

- What, more piss food?
- You know it.

All right.

- Cup-a-lasagna, anyone?
- Right here.

- Who was on dishes today?
- Uh, I'll get them after lunch.

Hey, Debs...

- ...you ready to go to Target?
- Oh, yeah. Sure.

What's that smell?

- It's either vomit or fancy cheese.
- It can be both if you want.

- Target?
- Deb's gonna go help me register gifts.

Mm, good.

- I thought the wedding was off.
- Back on.

- Kev know?
Mm-hm.

Oh.

- Hey.
- Damn.

Tell that girl I will crap on a paper plate
for her if it gets me some of this grub.

- Francis Gallagher.
- Yeah.

Drop your pants.

I don't see how this has any bearings
on my migraines.

Me neither, but it's on the state form.

Drop them, sailor.

- Unh.
- Still cold, ha, ha.

- Cough.
- Ahem.

Again.

Again.

That's weird.

Have you ever done
a testicular self-examination?

Oh, God, no. I say leave those three
bad boys down there alone.

Yeah, well, that's the problem.

Should only be two testicles
invited to this party.

- What's this?
- I need you and your testicles...

...back here tomorrow for a biopsy.

So I got an extra passenger on board,
what's the big deal?

- Normal number's two.
- Not for me.

Third guy's always been there.
He's my lucky charm. Gave me six kids.

Hmm.

Probably benign, then.

You're smart not to worry
until you do a biopsy.

Gives you something to worry about.

Uh, you can't bring a baby
into a bar, ma'am.

You can't get married
if you already are.

I know, I know.

- Why the hell doesn't she know?
- Because.

- I'm afraid to tell her.
- Kev!

I don't wanna make her sad, Fi.
It would break my heart to hurt her.

Just tell her the truth, Kev.
If you don't, I will.

Can you hit me with a milk refill?

The devil's in my balls, Billy.
And he's coming for the rest of me.

- Let's hope he can swim.
- Why, Billy?

Why me?

- Because you're an asshole, Frank.
- Doc says it's probably benign.

Look at Lance Armstrong,
he had that ball cancer.

- Ends up fucking a rock star.
- That's right. That's... See?

- Hey, baby.
- Hey, hey!

Mm-hm.

Okay, I know this is silly.

But I'm really starting to get excited
about this whole wedding thing.

The gifts and the wedding,
and being Mrs. Kevin Ball.

You know old man Parson's place
on 5th?

- I think we should buy it.
- What?

The one where the son went crazy
and hit him with an ax?

It's for sale. We should start
getting our stuff together.

All the loans
and credit scores and all that.

What's the matter, babe?

I'm sure they got the blood
cleaned up by now.

I can't marry you, Veronica.

I'm already married.

She's beautiful.

She's a head-case.
She used to throw plates at me.

Couldn't handle her booze.
That's how I got scars on my neck.

You have no idea how many times
I wanted to tell you over the years.

But the more time went on,
the more unreal it all seemed.

You look like a douche bag
with that mullet.

Oh, I can't believe this.

Guess I can forget
about buying a house.

Yeah.

- Maybe not.
- What do you mean?

You don't actually have to get married.
Your mom wants a wedding.

So give her one.

I could get ordained online.

Then we don't file the license
with the state.

- Ha-ha-ha.
- A fake wedding.

Why not? You'd still be married.
It just won't be legal.

- Yeah, but what's the point, then?
- All the free shit, baby.

- Oh, damn. That would've sucked.
- Baby, come on.

Showing up at your wedding
fucking paralyzed and shit? Yeah.

Oh, shit.

It looks a bit like Top Ramen
in there, doesn't it?

Sweetie, would you like me
to come with you to your biopsy?

No, it's probably nothing.

Benign cyst. An ingrown hair.

Yes, I think you're right.

You're gonna be just fine.

Why the hell are you crying?

I knew it was too good to be true.

You're gonna die.

Jesus, Sheila. I'm not gonna die.
I haven't even had the biopsy yet.

It was probably that nut-vise sex toy
of hers that gave you the damn cancer.

I'm gonna need the house next week
for bible study.

We're doing the Passion play again.
It might get noisy.

I have two plots...

...at Oak Woods Cemetery.

One was for Eddie.

Nothing would make me happier
than to bury you in one of them.

Wait there for me.

Oh, God.

I'm gonna die.

He married your father and I,
Aunt Rochelle, Uncle Bobby.

And cousin Jimmy with that first wife,
with the cleft palate.

A cleft palate is merely
the mark God leaves...

...when he kisses a person
before they're born.

Girl's momma
just skipped the folic acid.

I'm gonna need you both to come to my
weekend Engagement Encounter retreat.

It covers all of the Pre-Cana material...

...necessary for you to get married
with God's blessing.

Uh, could you excuse us
for just a second, please?

Might be fun to do it
at a church outing, huh?

Veronica, that man in there is a priest.

He's gonna require a license.
A marriage license.

I'm pretty sure bigamy
is still a felony in the state of Illinois.

Why'd you let your mom
drag us here?

- Momma wasn't gonna take no.
- What about Fiona?

- Wasn't she gonna marry us?
- Relax, baby, I got this.

Momma, we already have someone
that's gonna do the wedding for us.

This some healing hands, voodoo,
wheat-grass jackass?

Because that's not a wedding
in the Lord's eyes. Tell them, Father.

Tell them that is not a wedding
in the Lord's eyes.

Well, I know this. That just like
the honeybee, God has many eyes.

Look, it has to be a priest.
That's what your father wanted.

That's what I want.
And that's what the Lord wants.

- Wedding's not gonna work.
- What happened?

Momma wants a real priest.

Sheila said she'd make
your wedding dress.

Oh, that's nice, but what good is
the dress if I don't have a priest?

You could hire an actor. Remember
the guy who played Elmo at my birthday?

- You remember that?
- He took his head off.

- It was traumatizing.
- Think an actor could work?

I can probably get Father Pete to do it,
if Carl will help.

- What's it gonna cost me?
- Uh, Karen and I use your place Friday?

- Done.
- Father Pete? The groper?

God willing.

- We got hot dogs?
- Hmm, no hot dogs.

What?

Excuse me.

Better late than never.

Even better on time.
What's with the costume?

ROTC.
I made cadet lieutenant colonel today.

- You did? That's great.
- Yeah.

Congratulations.

When I get back, I want the stock shelved
with all labels facing the same direction.

- Where are you going?
- Your head is like a funnel.

- The Boy Scout trip is this weekend.
- They have Muslim Boy Scouts?

Similar. Motto is still "Be Prepared."

But you learn how to work
with chemicals instead of tying knots.

The troop is sponsored
by the Baptist church.

They give us free outfits
and overnights...

...and we let them think
we're assimilating. Everybody wins.

I'll be back Sunday night.

Lieutenant colonel?
I am so proud of you.

It's not that big of a deal.

Linda and the boys are gone
for two nights.

We're gonna have a whole night together
to celebrate.

Unh, oh, God!

- God, I'm sorry.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Was that the biopsy?
God, right in the...

Here, let's take a look.

- Unh.
- I'm just gonna take a look.

Okay, well, that is definitely better.

- I think you're okay.
- Well, now, yeah.

I'm just gonna shave you, okay?

I've never been shaved
down there before.

Just doing a small section.

Okay. Oh.

I'm sorry about that.

Maybe I could come back later
and you could shave the other two.

- There. All done.
- Ooh.

Feels like spring.

Wish I could say
this wasn't gonna hurt.

You don't have to go crazy, Sheila,
but as close to Vera Wang as you can.

You are going to make a beautiful bride.

Oh, Sheila, you're making me
feel like Cinderella.

Screw Cinderella.
Little doe-eyed bitch.

Probably one of the worst
role models for little girls.

I think Cinderella was a feminist.

The whole idea of marriage is a useless
vestige of an archaic civilization.

- How would you know?
- I watched one unravel.

Oh, so one example of a bad one
makes them all bad? Hmm?

Marriage was nothing more than
a legal exchange of women for property.

- Maybe you're being a little pessimistic.
- Heh, it's just a piece of paper.

A birth certificate is just a piece of paper.

And money.
Money is just a piece of paper.

- But those are pretty valuable.
- True.

Hey, Gloria Steinem,
enough of the blah-blah.

- Let's talk bachelorette party.
- I got that covered.

- Oh, you better.
- Mm-hm.

Because we gonna be doing it.

- What the...? Uh-huh. Mm-hm.
- Single ladies, go on.

Feeling sick. Feeling tired.

Seeing more of my oncologist
than I see of my whole family.

The hardest thing for me to accept
is the fact that I can't fix this.

I'm used to being the mom, you know?

The one who takes care
of everyone and everything.

The fixer.

And this is breast cancer.

I can't fix this.

Just knowing your tits
are trying to kill you.

That's gotta suck.

I mean, mine's in my balls.

So they've got a reason to be pissed.

Tucked between two legs,
wedged right near your asshole.

There's no good way to sit,
no underwear that's been devised...

...to hold them effectively in place.

They're a bizarre appendage.
An afterthought.

Which is why I don't believe
in intelligent design.

There is no God.

We're all gonna die.

Why do I have to do it?

You're the only one young enough
to be an altar boy.

- We'll stop before anything goes down.
- Or anyone.

The Gallagher boys.

If you're here to steal
the basket, you're out of luck.

Already off to the bank.

No, Carl here
is interested in being an altar boy.

- That's a big responsibility.
- Yeah. We tried talking him out of it.

But he cried,
so we thought we'd bring him in.

See if you thought he had what it takes.

Hello there, Carl.

Be back for you in a bit, bud.

- Whew.
- Wanna watch Scarface again tonight?

Can't, got a date.

Ooh. Mandy date or Kash date?

Kash date.

You're a slut, man.

Shit.

Looks like we have a priest
for V's wedding.

- Fake priest?
- No, no. Priest is real.

We're just not gonna file the license.

Immoral, don't you think?
Lying to God's face.

- Really, Mr. Morality.
- Hmm.

- Whose car is this?
- Not like I have a priest in the back.

- Are you still picking up the cake?
- Angelica's Bakery.

Can Kev and V use this car
for their big exit after the reception?

Yeah, think that could work.
I just... I need it back right after.

- Okay.
- Can't do anything bad to it.

And no sex in it.

No sex in it?

I just need this thing in perfect condition.
All right, Fiona. I just...

Whoa, whoa!

- Oh, damn it. Damn it!
- Jesus.

Relax. Relax. It happens.

- Okay?
- Yeah, what happens, prison time?

Hey.

- Fiona, I thought that was you.
- Your uniform looks different.

Yeah, they issued new coats.

See you at Kev and Veronica's
wedding tomorrow?

Yeah.

- I need your license and registration.
- What? Why?

Officer, sir.

You were doing 35 in a 25.

There was some swerving, kind of weird.

Here's my license,
but I don't have the registration.

It's my friend's car.

You really are supposed
to have that on you at all times.

Lemme see what I can do.
I'll be right back.

Okay.
Why did you give him your license?

- That's not my real license.
- So now what? Run?

No, that never works.

Jesús, you got me?
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

- Who's Jesús?
- Follow car.

Always use a follow car.

Watch your speed.
See you at the wedding, Fi.

- Okay!
- Out.

- What?
- Get out.

What about the car?

Taken care of.

- My heart's in my throat right now.
- That's adrenaline. Kind of cool isn't it?

- I'll see you at the wedding.
- What?

- Angelica's Bakery, right?
- Yeah. Right.

I've decided to start
wearing a tie every day.

I could die at any moment.

I thought it'd be nice to look
my best for the grim reaper.

Son of a bitch.

You know what? Fuck him.

Fuck him!

Why give him the satisfaction?
I'll do it myself.

Take my own goddamn life.

You know...

You know what the real shame
of it is, Kev?

The real shame...

...is there are so many things
I still want to do.

Oh, yeah, like what?

Pfft!

Jesus Christ, I don't know.

I don't know.

How sad is that? A man doesn't
even know what he wants to do.

Woo-hoo-hoo!

- Hey, buddy.
- What's going on?

- What's this?
- You gotta wear it tonight...

...for the bachelor party.
Everyone's gonna wear one.

- Andy, get the fuck out...
- Don't be a dick, dude.

- Fucking wear it.
- Bachelor party?

Yeah, if you wanna go, you can come.

What's the plan?

Uh, me and my friends are gonna get
wasted and do stupid shit.

But we gotta get you one of these.

Awesome.

Is the blindfold for surprise
or so I don't know where you live?

- Little of both.
- Ooh.

- Ah.
- Ta-da.

Oh.

Oh.

Wow, yeah. This is your house.

Where you live with Linda.

- And the kids.
- Right now, it's our house.

- What's wrong?
- Sorry, it's just... It's too weird.

- What is?
- All of your shit, it's...

It's freaking me out.
And it smells like goats in here.

Ian, wait.

Why would she do it
in the first place?

Because she could.

She was, like, one of those
weird Chinese acrobats.

No, those girls are all tiny
and cute when they do it.

She was like Pippi Longstocking
kissing her own ass.

- Jesus.
- Dad, what the hell happened to you?

Cord was too long. I got three nuts.

Gonna die.

Fuck.

- Marty?
- Surprise, heh.

I'm maid of honor
and I didn't know you had a brother.

- There's a reason for that.
- He busted out of prison?

- Last night.
- What was he in for?

- Aggravated assault, larceny and arson.
- Arson? Who you talking about?

V's brother.

Oh, is that, like, a sibling brother,
or just a black-guy brother?

Remember the fire at Curves
in the mall? That was him.

He loves setting fire to things
and he hates women.

- It was the perfect storm.
- He's nuts.

Serious, he's nuts. He came at me.
I had to fight my ass off.

Then one time I'm having a brew,
he came up to me, all:

- "Ass cunt fuck!" on me.
- Is he retarded?

I wish. Tourette's coupled with bipolar
disorder and a drinking problem.

He's a shrink's wet dream.

- What are we gonna do?
- Kick his ass back to prison.

If there's one person you can always
count on to fuck things up, it's Marty.

- Bungee jumping, eh?
- From the L tracks.

Good news/bad: Your biopsy
results came back negative.

Tumor was benign, so you're not
gonna die of testicular cancer.

Oh, thank God. So I can keep it?

Yeah, but the swelling on your brain...

...you probably got going on in there
might end up doing you in.

- What?
- I'm fucking with you.

Bump looks pretty superficial.

If you vomit more than twice,
have any seizures...

...or experience memory loss,
call 911.

Well, what if I vomit while I'm having a
seizure, and have no memory of it?

Tree in the forest, my friend.

What?

You know you can't stay, Marty.
You gotta go back to prison.

Ron, it's bullshit security.
They practically give you your own key.

Aren't you risking parole?
How long do you have left?

Eighteen... Cocksucker! ...months.

- Jesus, Marty. That's no time at all.
- It's your wedding day, Ron.

Why don't you turn yourself in? Tell them
it was a mistake. Blame the Tourette's.

Tell them it won't happen again.
You know it's for the best.

Faggot!

We'll have you back
before they even know you left.

I'm not going back, Ron.

It's your wedding. I'm not gonna miss
your... Shit-pisser! ...wedding day.

This is the dress...

...that I will wear this afternoon.

And it will protect me...

...like this house protects me.

This is the dress.

And today is the day.

And the day is good.

You look nice.
Where are you pretending to go?

I'm going to a wedding today.

I am really gonna do it this time.

And it's supposed to be
a beautiful day today.

Beautiful and safe and sunny.

The sun's just a burning ball of fire that
could plunge from the sky at any time.

Maybe we should just let him come.

No way, I'm not having
that nutcase at my wedding.

Can you imagine the service?
"Do you, Veronica...

Fucking bitch! ...Fisher, take this man...

Fucks dick! ...Kevin Ball?"

Uh-uh, no.

I'm taking him to prison
where he belongs...

...if I gotta drag his ass
back there myself.

Always happens
when he's off his meds.

- Give me your dress so I can steam it.
- Behind the door.

- Nope.
- The bathroom door.

It's a real pretty dress, Roni.

It'll burn nicely with all this taffeta.

Oh, Jesus.

You send me back to jail...

...this dress goes up,
this house goes up, we all go up!

Marty?

Marty, open the door.

Open the goddamn door.

You're not getting married without me.

Cock fuck!

He's not doing anything.
Just sitting in there. Lighting a lighter.

Oh, my God, this is what he did
at Granddaddy's funeral.

- Gutted half the hospice.
- We should call the cops.

If the house goes up
we're not gonna get him out.

Call the cops on my own brother?

It's always like this.
Nobody can be the center of attention.

It's always gotta be about him.
You should be in a nuthouse!

- What's going on?
- Veronica's brother is threatening...

...to burn the place down.
- Cool.

He's saying that he's gonna light the
dress and the shit-sack house on fire.

What's a shit-sack?

All I wanted was to own my own home.
Maybe some small kitchen appliances.

For you, for me. For our home.

- Maybe some kids someday.
- I thought you didn't want any kids.

- Based on what?
- Saying how much you hate them.

Uh, yeah, other people's.

But I might not mind
having a baby Kev running round.

A little tomorrow person?

What?

That's what I call little mixed-race
babies. Tomorrow people.

Little people of tomorrow.

What are we gonna do?

- Maybe we should just call it off.
- No! Not a chance.

Baby, listen, this is our time.

We're gonna get fake married,
and nothing's gonna stop us.

- Tomorrow people?
- Tomorrow people.

Can you sign in for me
at detention today?

Mrs. Pinder won't notice,
she's almost blind.

You ditching?

Kash has something planned.

I thought that was last night.

Was supposed to be,
but, uh, he took me to his place...

...and it sort of freaked me out.

I mean, I always knew he had a wife
and a life and everything, but seeing it...

...and smelling it...

I mean, his life actually has an odor.

What was that for?

I just felt like kissing my boyfriend.

Have fun fucking Kash.

Remember when we were little?

And you'd always tag along with me
wherever I went?

I always looked after you,
didn't I, Marty?

And you know why?

Because I'm your big little sister.

And I didn't want you to get in trouble,
because I love you.

That's why I want you
to go back to prison.

Do you know what?

I've been thinking about my wedding,
and you know something?

You were right.

Because my wedding day
wouldn't be my wedding day...

...without my little big brother there.

In fact, I'd like you to be
the one to give me away.

Marty?

- You mean it?
- Cross my heart.

Come here, you little nut.

Bitches! You bitches lied to me.

I'm gonna burn down your...
Cock-sucking, cock-fucking...

Damn. That shit does dry fast.

Lip. My boy.

- My oldest boy.
- Yeah, here to pick up Karen.

- What's with the vest?
- Sheils made it.

Wow. Look at you.

- You look beautiful.
- Thanks.

- Hi, Lip.
- Hi.

Does my head look bigger?

Um...

- I don't think it can get any bigger, Dad.
- I have to keep an eye on it.

- Watch for memory loss and vomit.
- More so than usual?

Know what?

- I have a second chance at life.
- Mm-hm.

I'm not gonna surround myself
with negative energy.

How about you just show up at this
wedding and do what you do best:

Drink free booze and look happy.

- Yes?
- Heh.

All right, Frank. I am ready.

You're coming, Mom?

She's not going anywhere.

Yes, I'm coming.

I've got my purse, and my gift,
and my gloves.

And my selective serotonin
re-uptake inhibitor.

And my monoamine oxidase inhibitor.

And I have my anti-anxiety
disco biscuits.

And I am ready to go.
I am really ready.

I'll just get you a piece of cake, Mom.

That would just be...

...wonderful, sweetheart.

There's just so much
I've gotta get done here.

Ah, that bitch.

What kind of cock-suck
does this to her brother?

May daily problems
never cause you undue anxiety...

...nor the desire for earthly
possessions dominate your lives.

But may your hearts' first desire
be always the good things...

...waiting for you in the life of heaven.

- Amen.
- Amen!

- You may kiss the bride.
- Woo-hoo!

Oh, yes!

Yay!

It's on tonight
Ride that thing like a motorbike

Get it out!

We could get it on the dance floor

Yeah!

What's going on?

Get some, Father!

Come on, Dad, work it.

Go Liam! Go Liam! Go Liam!

Say what you gotta say

Take it down, take it down.

Take me away
Say what you gotta say

Oh!

If I was out of your reach
Would you jump for it

If I was out of your reach
Would you jump for it

Uh... Folks, let's face facts.

When it comes to good things,
most of them come in pairs.

Like your favorite jeans,
new socks, and Kevin and Veronica.

Aw.

And as it turns out,
most people's testicles.

So here's to the happy couple.

Kevin, Veronica,
may you always only have...

...two testicles between you.
L'chaim!

Oh. Oh, sweetheart.

May the good Lord watch over you
in your new home.

- Oh, thank you, Momma.
- Thank you.

Say it like you mean it, boy
Say it like you want it

Five hundred dollars?
Are you fucking kidding me?

We're getting a Barbie house, baby.

Maybe you're making yourself
too available?

You think?

Hey, lady friend,
where the hell is my cake?

Steve is supposed to be here
with the damn thing.

That's the trouble with the exciting ones.

The unpredictability
is what makes them so exciting.

But it's also what makes
them so damned unpredictable.

He may not be Steve, but he's here.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Do you wanna dance?

- The bible is the word of God.
- How can it be the word of God...

...if it was re-written by King James?
- Passed down from generation...

...to generation!
- Uh-uh-uh! It doesn't make any sense!

Aw. This was really a perfect day.

I only wish little Marty
could have been here.

You're late, Dr. Sherman.

I'm...

I can't...

Okay, Gallaghers, you're the only
family I got, so let's put this on film.

- Wait. Wait.
- Is it on?

- It's on, it's on. Wait.
- Did it go?

Oh.

Again, set it up again. Here we go.
Ready?

- Okay.
- Let's go.

- Wait, where's Lip?
- Where...? Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Give it to me. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah!
Oh, yeah! Give it to me!

- Want me to give it to you?
- Yes.

Yeah, she said
she wants you to give it to her.

So just give it to her already! Okay?

Cock and balls!

It really was like a fairy tale.

And she was a real princess.

Yeah, well, she's dead now.

How's that for happily ever after?

Asshole.