All language subtitles for Schitts Creek s06e10_English

A POP Original Series

[Birds chirp]
[Car honks]

- Just the "little farmer's
breakfast" for me, Twyla.

I've got the tasting for
the wedding this afternoon,

don't wanna spoil my appetite.

- Oh! You're not using
the café for catering?

- Yes, John. Why wouldn't
you have Twyla

cater David's big day?

- Well, the food for the
wedding is my gift to David,

so it's really his decision.
- [Chuckles]

It's just the more you keep
mentioning that it's a gift,

the less and less
it feels like a gift.

- You know, I-I was just
thinking that, you know,

how can Twyla enjoy herself
at the wedding

if she's-if she's working?

- I'm invited to the wedding?

- Sure looks like it.
[Both laugh]

- Look at you, John, doling out
gift after gift this morning

like the Turkish
Saint Nikolaas.

I'll just have the fruit cup
to go, please.

I must attend to some good news
of my own.

- Coming right up.

- David, I didn't know she
wasn't invited to the wedding.

- Well, you certainly fixed
that problem for yourself.

What's your good news?

- Thank you.

Tippy Bernstein
is on his way here.

He solicited a power-lunch
with me today.

- Well, there is a name
I haven't heard in a while.

Tippy Bernstein was
the executive producer

on "Sunrise Bay."
What could he possibly want?

- I'm assuming a new project.

Tippy always had his fingers
in a few fires.

Oh dear.

- Good God.
- Brave faces everyone.

- Hey.
- Alexis!

Oh, you're looking so natural
and peppy.

- A bit of a rough night
actually.

- Oh.

- Well, you're fooling
everyone, dear.

- Mhmm. Um... you just have,

you have something
in your hair.

Here. I'm just gonna grab...
that.

- Is it gone?
- Yeah. [Nervous chuckle]

Yeah.

♪♪♪

- Well, thanks for turning up
so early, everyone.

And welcome.
My name is Johnny--

- Johnny Rose.

it's printed right here
on the cover of the book

that he's handing out
to all of you.

And my name is Roland Schitt--

and I'm the boss
you're gonna come to

when you don't understand
why this guy

is making you read
about VHS tapes.

- Not exactly the united front
we had discussed, Roland.

- Well, Johnny, somebody has
to inspire these people.

- Well, welcome to the Rosebud
Motel family.

Oh, there is our other partner,
Stevie Budd!

Stevie, do you wanna come over
and say hi to our new staff?

- Uh, I think I need to speak
to you for a minute in private.

- Well, no need for that,
we're all family here.

- Okay. Ronnie found termite
damage in Room Six

and apparently the entire
foundation

is about to collapse.
- Uh, Stevie,

that's really something we
should talk about in private.

- Mhmm.
- Tell you what?

Why don't we take five,
and feel free to help yourself

to one of our vending machine
over there.

[Chuckles]
Here you go.

- Welcome everyone.

- How are we gonna cover
these costs?

- Well, I gave one of my
kidneys to my cousin Bruce.

Uh, we can see how I run
on an empty tank.

- I went to school with a guy
who starts "accidental" fires.

I mean, worse comes to worst,

we could collect
the insurance money.

- Okay. We're not burning
anything down

and we're not selling any
organs.

We're knee-deep in this now.

We're just have
to figure out where

we're gonna find the money.
- Okay. That's good,

because Bruce told me
my kidney was garbage.

- Take the pills, Vivian.

- A "please" might be nice!

- You really think you'd be
head of surgery

at Sunrise General

if you weren't possessed
by your father?

Who also happened to be
the former

head of surgery at Sunrise
General?

- Oh, enjoying the box set,
are we?

[Turns TV off]
- This season is weird.

You're great in it,

but I forgot how bad
Clifton Sparks was.

- Oh, it's Uncle Sparky to you,
Dear.

- Also, I'm so confused.

Why is Vivian the only one
who gets possessed

when Trystan also played
the Ouija game?

- Oh, suddenly she's
the director.

- [Grunts]

- And where do we think
we're going?

- Well, I feel like your
publicist should be there

if you're meeting
with Tickle Bernstein.

- [Chuckles] Tippy.
It's Tippy, and no,

not necessary, dear.
Not in your condition.

Thank you.
- No it's fine.

I'll just throw on some clothes.

- No! I insist.

Mummy can handle this one
all by herself.

All right? What's important is
that you stay here

where no one can see you

and focus on your critical
self-care.

[Alexis turns the TV on]

- Oh, I wanna see this.

- You can and you know it!

- How dare you make me
kill my father twice!

[Slap]
- [Gasps]

[Repeated slaps
and pained grunts]

- You'll pay for this one day.

David: I think that's a must.

I honestly don't know
what to pick.

- Mr. Rose,
this looks pretty fancy.

You sure you're okay
to pay for it?

I know you have the motel
to worry about.

- Well, I can't back out now,
Stevie.

- David would understand.

I mean, not at first,

but deep down he's not
a total monster.

- So we're two minutes late

and if this were the actual
wedding,

the doors would be closed
and you would be locked out.

Okay? Um, this is Penelope,
she's our caterer.

Penelope, this is my Dad,

who's footing the bill
for the food.

Stevie is my Maid of Honour,
she's just here to eat.

So Penelope and I have already
selected an appetizer.

- Wow. This is quite
the spread.

Looks very impressive, son.

Expensive but impressive!
- Hm.

- Oh, I like this,
little side salad.

- Poor thing.

That's the garnish
for the lobster roll.

- Lobster! Ah.

Are we inviting The Vanderbilts?

- I said lobster roll.

And to your point, we have
not discussed the salad.

- Oh, I have an amazing
parmesan, arugula

and black truffle salad

that would complement
the evening perfectly.

- My God! Yes!
- Or... or...

if we're not using the lettuce
under the lobster roll

can we just not make a side
salad out of this lettuce?

- Are these prices per table?
- Um, per plate.

And speaking of, we are adding
eight more plates.

I was finally allowed to invite
some friends from New York,

they're a caviar crowd.
- Oh, I love that idea.

- I love that.
- Caviar?

- Huh?

- Would anyone like to try
some beef tenderloin?

- Oh, sure. Sure.

Oh, you know what they say
about tenderloin;

always a risky option.

It's gotta be done just,
just right.

- Hmmm...

- Mmm.
- Yes.

- Mmm.
- Yes.

- Well, you know, it's-it's...
it's fine.

- It's fine?

- Oh, it's the best thing
I've ever tasted.

- Well, you don't want people
coming to your wedding

and only talking about
the food.

- That is literally
the only thing

I want them talking about.
What is wrong with you?

You love beef tenderloin.
- No, I'm just exploring,

you know, other options.
- Okay.

Well, might I suggest you
explore the duck confit

- Why not, it's not like we're
paying for the samples.

[Nervous chuckle]

We're not paying for
the samples, are we?

- No.
- Oh.

Okay. Then do you wanna put
a bit more tenderloin

on there, please.
- Of course.

[Bell over door jingles]

[Taps table]
- Moira [BEEP] Rose. Wow.

I mean, I figured time stood
still in this town,

but look at you!

You are just as gorgeous

as the day I discovered you.

- Oh Tippy.

You're as alive as ever!

No, don't get up!

- No, no. Don't worry about it.

Cured that vertigo years ago.
I hired a hynotherapist.

Then I married her.

And then I divorced her.

[In a hypnotized voice]
You-are-getting-very... broke.

- Ha! [Laughs]

Tippy, I have missed
that vaudevillian charm.

- Oh, Honey,
it's been far too long,

but I come bearing gifts.

And the first one's standing
right over there.

- Clifton!

- Muffy!

Looking luscious as always.

- Oh, had I known you were both
coming,

I'd have dressed
for the occasion.

- [Groans]

- You're looking fresh and dewy.

- Gave up the drink.

Strictly a wine
and scotch man now.

- Listen, what do you say
we all take a load off

because this standing thing is
not all it's cracked up to be.

- Cliffy! Cliffy,
I have not seen you

since you starred in that
electrifying courtroom drama

about the potty mouth,
feral child.

- Oh, that was an actual
court case.

My daughter wanted to emancipate

and the press couldn't get
enough.

- Lucky you!
- Speaking of...

the press can't get
enough of you, Moira.

That "Crow" picture.

I mean, who'd have thought?

- Oh. Thank you!

And what did you think,
Clifton?

- I can't wait for the screener.

- So, I'm sure you're dying to
know what this is all about,

and since this isn't sweeps
weeks,

I won't keep you hanging.

- My imagination has become

rather unbridled
since you called.

Let me guess. A reunion?

- No, it's much, much, much,
much better.

- Some sort of televised event?
It's a panel?

Late night?

- They wanna reboot
"Sunrise Bay!"

- What? Who--

- No, no. It's a big, big
co-production.

All the good people want in.
Moira, it's gonna be raw,

it's gonna be edgy,
and primetime!

A sexy new cast,

but they have asked
for prominent characters

from the original to ground
the whole thing.

So I called Clifton...
- Alphabetical.

- and he said...
- I said,

I wouldn't do it without you.

And that was before
Nicole Kidman signed on

as Adriana's daughter.

- Nicole Kidman.

And I was believing you both
up till now.

- No, no, no.
M-Moira this is all true.

- Have you forgotten that
Vivian was killed off?

- When has that ever stop us?

- But that last time
I was shredded.

- That's why we have writers.
Let them do their magic.

- Oops, oops.
What do we have here?

What is that? Is this maybe
a very generous offer

for a direct to-series
primetime Emmy contender.

Have a read.
Have a read of that

and then maybe meet up
with us later tonight?

- We can celebrate over drinks.

- I don't know what to say.

- It's a simple answer, Vivian.

Say yes.

- [Door opens] Alexis!
Do I have news--

- Okay, thank God you're here

because I have so many
questions.

Like, why did they kill off
your character

after you had just given birth
to your ninth child

and escaped from the cave with
the secret about your lover...

- Who was a ghost, yes.

- ...and then they killed off in
like the most humiliating way.

- I'm not sure I call it
humiliating.

- You vomited a demon
into a toilet,

and then fell in and drowned.

- Well, the writers insisted
it was symbolic.

Nevertheless,
I have something--

- And then they shredded you.
- Yes.

Yes. I should have seen
that coming

after the contract demands but--

- Okay yes.
Re: that drama.

I just fell down a dark
Sunrise fan-hole

and found this message board
about conspiracy theories.

- Oh Alexis.
- There are a lot of fans

who think Clifton Sparks
had you written off the show

because he was jealous.

- Don't be a dotty,
poor Alexis.

No I, unwittingly negotiated
my self off the show.

End of story.

- Okay. You watch this video

and tell me who you think
he's referring to then.

[Light taps]
- [Frustrated groan]

- Come.

- There has been some
serious Sunrise intrigue

around the sudden departure
of Vivian Blake.

Can you tell us what happened?

- [Slurring] She had a good run.

But let's just say "someone"
reminded the producers

that there's only room
for one head of surgery

at Sunrise General.

And I think all
you housewives at home

know who that should be.

- See, he's basically admitting

to having you written off
the show.

- No. He's drunk there.
No. That's not--

No, Alexis I came here
to tell you something...

I've been asked
to resuscitate Vivian

so that she may live again
in a primetime reboot.

- Is Clifton involved?

- Alexis, he drove all this way

just to personally beg me
to acquiesce.

- Hm. Of course he did.

- You're the only person
in the show making headlines

right now.
- That's not true.

Adriana had that DUI last year.

Popped a breasts, poor dear

- They need you.
And all I'm saying is,

as your publicist
and your daughter,

and now the moderator of
the "Sunrise Bay" fan forum,

there's more to this story.

And if you wanna go through
with this

after watching that video?

Just remember that there
is nothing wrong

with asking for what you
deserve.

Perhaps a little more housework
and little less mouse work

might do you some good, Alexis.

But thank you for your pair
of pennies.

- Hmm.

- Good news, Stevie, I think
I may have found someone

who can do the fumigation
for half the price.

His name's Phil.

He's got a lot
of two-star reviews,

but that's one more star
than the other guys.

- Will the savings cover
the cost

of rebuilding the foundation?

- No. No they won't.

So I guess the news isn't
that good after all.

[Door opens]
- Ooh, hi.

Hi. Oh, still eating
the tenderloin?

- Well, they were just gonna
throw it out, David.

- Oh.

Um, I noticed that there
was some awkwardness

earlier at the tasting,
and I just got the sense

that you were uncomfortable
about something.

- [Covering] Oh?

I don't know why you would
think that.

- Penelope asked
if you wanted to crack

the top of the creme brulée
and you asked,

"If we break it, do we buy it?"

- Well, I think that was a
perfectly legitimate question

considering I wasn't even
hungry after the beef.

- Okay. I know what's going on.

- You do?
- Yeah, and don't worry,

you don't have to cover
the cost of the extra table.

That's eight plates than you
hadn't budgeted for.

Plus Patrick's parents ended up
giving us way more money

than we had expected.
- Oh.

- Yeah. Apparently there is
some nest egg they set aside

for Patrick and his ex-fiancée.

So honestly you have to pay
for anything

if it's going to be a strain.

- David,

I said I would cover the food...
- Okay.

- but if the Brewers wanna pay
for the extra table,

then I think that's a wonderful
gesture form the Brewers.

- Great. What did I tell you
about that beef?

- Oh good.
- Right?

So good, right?
- Hmm.

[Door shuts]

- Mr. Rose,

It's not gonna always be
like this.

- You know, we had a sizable
nest egg set aside

for David's wedding.

He was talking about Bali
for a while.

We were gonna charter
some jets.

Fly everybody.

I'm gonna get some air, Stevie.

[Receding footsteps]

[Door opens and shuts]

- [Sighs]

[Crickets chirp]

[Low hum of chatter,
music plays]

- Please. You know,
I'm not interested in that.

- Room for one more?

- Muffy, grab a chair.
I hope you don't mind,

we decided to get a head start
on the celebration.

- Extra dry? Extra olive?

- Oh, thank you, Mr. Bernstein!

- Hey, tell that cute bartender
I'd love a sex on the beach.

If she has time,
I need another scotch.

- Ha! You better hurry
if you want to catch up.

- Oh no, this doctor would
rather nurse her potable,

if you don't mind.

Best to stay lucid
for our congress.

- Hey. Remember how you entered
that time machine

you discovered in the
hospital's broom closet?

Season Three?

What if we bring you back
that way?

- [Chuckles]

- It's not easy to disremember
my final demise.

It was even more vicious
than Vivian's getting trampled

while honeymooning
in Pamplona.

- Oh Moira! Get over it!

Contract negotiations
go sour all the time!

- What do you know about
my contract?

- What?

- I believe I gave you a new
contract today.

Did you-did you bring it?

- Clifton...
- Hm?

- there are fans who think that

you might have had something
to do with

my being written off the show.

- [Laughs] What?! Who?
Why would...?

Look, Moira, there were
a lot of egos back then,

and I was different man.

That was before my liver
transplant.

- Is it true?

- Think of it as a compliment.

Your star was rising,
and I was maybe jealous.

- Oh, would you look at this.

I'm getting texts
from Nicole's office.

Serves me right for sharing
EP credit. These people--

- I'm guessing, Clifton
was also responsible

for my name being
repeatedly left off

the Daytime Emmy ballot?

- No, we submitted you
every year.

And-and that season that
you played your own brother

we submitted you for
Best Actress and Actor.

- You did what?

- Oh, Tippy,
I did not negotiate myself

out of the job, did I?

- You deserved every penny.

Please Moira,

I want you to consider
this offer as my amends.

If you sign on them, we all get
back to doing what we love.

- There is something I love

that I haven't been able
to do for quite some time.

[Repeated slaps]
- [Pained grunts]

- Now, Mr. Bernstein,
I have a few demands.

[Dog barks in the distance,
car whooshes by]

[Noisy eating]
- Hm. Hm. Mmm.

I don't know, Johnny,

I have been racking my brain
to come up with the cash.

I mean at this point,

I'm willing to sell my baseball
signed by Geena Davis.

- Might take more than that,
Roland.

- Gentlemen. Hello.

- Stevie.
- Hello.

- Well, apologies for calling
such a late meeting

but I think you'll both agree
we're in a bit of a situation.

- And by "situation"

he means that money-pit
of a motel we bought.

- No, I stand by the decision
to expand our business

but at this point,
I think our only option

is to sell the second motel,

and recoup whatever we can.

- Yeah, and I'm in total
agreement.

- Well, I don't like that idea.

- I don't like that idea
at all.

What else you got, Johnny?

- What if we bought
30 more motels?

Right now.

- What am I looking at?

- These are all the roadside
motels currently for sale.

Now bottom line,
we're not gonna make money

off of two or three locations.

We're only gonna start seeing
the real money

at 20 or 30 locations.

- Yeah, I'm with Stevie,
it's a lost cause.

- Now this would be
a bigger undertaking.

And if we franchised
on a larger scale,

yeah, the dividends
would be greater.

Stevie, where did you
come up with this?

- Oh, it was in a book
I was given.

I don't know,
maybe you read it.

You did this before, Mr. Rose.

I think you can do it again.

- Well, we would need a proper
investor to pull this off.

You know, for the first time,

I think I can actually call in
some favours with this idea.

I mean, we'd need a really
strong pitch.

And boy, I-I don't even know
if anyone from the old life

would even take a meeting but--

- A wise man once wrote:

"You miss 100% of the tapes
you don't play".

- I did write that.

- And I know that
a wise man once wrote:

"Thank you to my wife, Moira."

- That's just the dedication,
Roland.

- That's as far as I got,
Johnny.

I'm sorry, I'm partial
to historical fiction.

["Sunrise Bay" plays on TV]

- Oh Alexis, has our quarantine
been lifted?

- Yeah, I was scared
I was gonna get bed sores,

so I'm going for a run.

Also, I needed to like cleanse
my brain a bit.

'Cause eight hours of watching
"Sunrise Bay"

made me feel a little
not-right in the head.

- It had that effect.

The New England Journal
of Medicine

did a fascinating study on it.

- Will you be trapped in this
crystal the entire episode?

- Best to skip ahead.

- So how was the meeting?

- You Alexis are one shrewd
little Reynard.

You were right about Clifton.

- He sucks in this, by the way.

- So he had you written off
the show?

- Yes, but I used
that little nugget

to negotiate a superior deal.
- Hm?

- I am after all,

the one in the cast member
still making headlines.

- So you still said yes?

- I did.

But on the condition

that Clifton be written off
the show - death of my choosing.

And I asked for more money.

- Okay. Yass, Mom.

- And a diamond tennis bracelet.

- Okay. Well, that seems like
a bit much.

But it still sounds like you
got what you're worth?

- Oh, God no.

I made them an offer
they had to refuse.

- So, you're not doing it then?

- No. Thank you, Alexis.

Thank you for removing
my rosy lunettes,

so that I might see Clifton
for who he really is.

If you did all that
without getting out of bed,

imagine what you're capable
of doing.

- Okay, how is it
that your daughter

is also trapped in the cave
but has never looked up once.

You've been hanging over her
for three straight episodes.

- Oh, you know, children, this
is where the season picks up.

When the cave starts talking
back to me.

Voiced by the wonderful
Peter Falk.

- I was gonna go for a run.
- Shh. She's about to look up.