Original subtitles

Do you remember one september afternoon?

I stood with you and listened to a wedding tune

and didn't i go with you on your honeymoon?

Remember me?

Do you recall a cottage small upon the hill?

Where every day i had to pay another bill?

And if i'm not mistaken, dear, i pay them still

remember me?

I can see that little angel on your knee

can't you see he kind of sort of looks like me?

For i'm the boy whose only joy is loving you

who worries till he hurries home when day is through

and i'm the guy you give your goodnight kisses to

remember me?

Yes, ma'am?

I'd like a fall coat for my little girl.

Surely. What size?

I think an 8.

Aren't you sure?

I haven't seen her in six months. They grow.

Don't they?

Has she been away at school?

Not exactly. She's been staying with my ex-hus-

with her father.

Oh, i'm sorry.

Divorce is bad enough,

but children certainly complicate things, don't they?

Now, here's something chic.

It's a little too chic.

Haven't you something more conservative?

Yes. Here's a new model we just got in.

Not quite as chic as the other one.

That'll do very nicely.

Charge it and send it, please.

What's the name and address?

Mrs. Ellen gayley, 8405th avenue.

5th avenue.

Could you send it today?

Of course.

It's a coming-home present.

You'll have it without fail, mrs. Gayley.

Thank you.

Can i help you?

I'm looking for a fall coat for my daughter.

Something special. A going-away present.

This way.

What size?

Well, she's 7 years old.

Yes, but how tall is she?

Oh. Well, let's see.

She comes up to about...

about this button.

She'll take an 8.

She's more developed than the average kid.

No. Most 7-year-old children take an 8.

Oh.

Now, here's a very popular number.

Uh-huh.

That's an 8, is it?

What do you think?

Here's a hat that goes with it.

Oh, it's cute.

Uh-uh, no.

Doesn't do anything for me.

You wouldn't wear a coat like that, would you?

It wouldn't fit me.

I want something more exciting

that'll make the little boys whistle at her.

Exciting?

Well, how's this?

This is about as exciting as you can get

for 7 years old.

Yes. Yeah!

Swell. Great. Wrap it up.

I'd like it delivered by noon today.

That's only three hours.

Just get a messenger and send it

to miss philippa gayley, 156 central park west.

Philippa?

That's right. She was named after me.

Philip, philippa.

You wouldn't be philip gayley the artist?

Yes, i would. Charge it to me.

Have you got a card?

I'd like to enclose a note.

Yes, mr. Gayley.

I get tweed magazine every month.

I never miss the gayley girl.

Well, bless your little heart.

I have the september issue right here.

See?

Uh-huh.

Long as you're writing,

could i have your autograph?

Certainly.

It's very gratifying to a painter to be appreciated

while he's still alive. Thanks for asking.

You're welcome.

Incidentally, i've always thought i should've been

a professional model, mr. Gayley.

What do you think?

The minute i looked at you,

i said to myself, "hmmm."

Mr. Gayley!

Here you are.

Don't forget the coat now, will you?

Oh!

Hello.

I have a package for miss philippa gayley.

That's for me.

Will you make an "x" there?

Wouldn't it be better if i signed my name?

Did you answer the doorbell, flip?

Yes, cozy!

And here's your package.

Thank you, kind sir.

Kind sir?

Cozy, a package for me!

Who's it from?

From robin hood, of course.

He promised when he left this morning

that he'd send friar tuck with a package.

So that's who he is today.

Yesterday it was napoleon.

Day before yesterday it was alexander graham bell.

That father of yours.

Oh, cozy, you have no imagination.

I at least know who i am from day to day.

Aren't you going to open it?

I'm waiting an extra minute

to make it more exciting.

Robin hood.

It'll be a relief to get back to people

who aren't always pretending,

where your mother is your mother,

your grandma is your grandma,

and i'm your nurse, not the queen of sheba.

Cozy, look!

I've never seen anything like it.

Neither have i,

and i'm a good deal years older than you.

Some creation. Mmm-mmm!

Oh, cozy, isn't daddy wonderful?

Well, yes, in his own peculiar way.

I hate to think of leaving him.

Well, it's the law, flip.

Six months with mommy. Six months with daddy.

Back and forth. Back and forth.

Some future.

You want to see your mother, don't you?

Of course. I've missed mommy terribly,

just like i miss my daddy when i'm staying with her.

Now i've got to start missing daddy all over again.

It don't seem to make sense.

Uh-uh.

Look. A card from your father.

Oh! Let me see.

"Wear this when you have lunch with me today.

Robin hood."

Better get a move on, if you're to meet him.

But he didn't say where.

Naturally. That'd be the normal thing to do.

I'm going to call him at his studio.

Relax a minute.

Hello.

Hello, gorgeous! How are you?

Did you get my present?

Swell.

I didn't?

I tell you what you do.

Grab a cab.

Meet me at luigi's in 15 minutes. O.k.?

All right, darling.

Goodbye.

"All right, darling."

You've got a nerve.

Keep your shirt on.

Couldn't have lunch with me,

but you take some other doll.

If you saw her, you wouldn't blame me.

Gorgeous blue eyes, blonde hair.

I'd like to get my hands in it.

Stands about 3'9" in high heels.

Oh, your daughter.

Well, that kind of competition i don't mind.

I didn't think you would.

Say, is that all you've done this morning?

No inspiration, no work.

Listen, michaelangelo, i've been inspiring you the past four months.

I'm the same girl, aren't i?

Nancy, maybe you've hit it.

You've inspired me so much, i'm a little fatigued.

We won't do anymore today, honey.

I'm spending the afternoon with flip.

I'll see you for dinner?

Sure, sure, sure.

Mr. Luigi? - Huh?

Is it all right to serve this ice cream?

Why not?

They're all for mr. Gayley's little girl.

I told her it's a lot for one person.

Give it to me. I'll serve her myself.

Thank you, luigi.

Never mind the thank you.

Since when comes all this ice cream before lunch?

You know daddy and i always start lunch with dessert.

Yes, but your daddy isn't even here yet.

For what the three ice creams?

One is for me, one is for nicodemus,

and one is for ebeneezer.

Nico who? Eber what?

What is this? Who is this?

Nicodemus and ebeneezer,

my two new baby brothers.

And have they got appetites.

I think i sit down.

I feel a little dizzy.

Oh, not there!

You'll sit right on ebeneezer.

Oh, excuse me.

Is it all right?

Now, maybe a little explanation.

You see, i told daddy

i wanted a real live baby brother to play with,

but he said, since he and mommy are divorced,

that it would be impractical.

Impractical?

It's impossible.

So daddy got me these two baby brothers instead.

They're enchanted.

No one can see them except daddy and me.

Mmm-mmm. Is that so?

Suppose i tell you i can see them, too?

You can? Then why don't you say hello?

Hello, how do you do, nico-who's its.

You look fine today.

You, too, ebe-what's it.

Luigi, ebeneezer's sitting over there.

How do you - don't be so smart, young lady.

Remember, i knew you before you were born.

That's silly. How could you?

Didn't your mama met my papa

right here in my restaurant the first time?

And didn't he ask her to pose for him?

And she said yes.

And months later, right here at this table,

didn't he propose to her?

Again she said yes.

And that night, didn't i get drunk?

Chee.

You said it.

Daddy told me he and mommy

fell in love at first sight.

Mm-hmm, that's right.

He looked at her, she looked at him,

and before she knew it,

she got painted.

Here we are, flip.

Thank you.

Is everything in there?

Everything on the list.

Such a lovely basket.

Is it a present for your mama?

No, it's for fenwick lonkowski.

Ah.

Fenwick whoski?

Fenwick lonkowski.

Uh-huh. Is he here, too, like niconeezer and epidemic?

Fenwick's in the pacific.

He's a marine.

The best marine in the whole world.

You don't say so.

I do. He says so, too, in every letter.

Where did you meet this fenwick lonkoopsk-koopski?

Oh, we've never met,

but we're very good friends.

That's why i'm sending him this christmas present.

Hello, bill. How are you? - Hello, phil.

Oh, here comes daddy.

Don't tell him i'm here.

Luigi, old boy, how are you?

You're looking great.

I've been eating across the street.

Finally getting some sense, huh?

Are you expecting somebody?

As a matter of fact, i was.

Have you seen a tall, gorgeous hunk of femininity

asking for me?

You couldn't possibly miss her.

A beautiful girl.

Long, drooping lashes.

A lovely figure.

Uh, hmm.

Pardon me, miss.

Could this be yours?

Oh, that?

You may keep it.

I've hundreds more like it.

Oh. Thank you.

You must be as rich as your are beautiful.

Haven't we met before somewhere?

I don't think so.

I know i've seen you somewhere.

Could it have been the ziegfeld follies of 1920?

You were the girl third from the left.

I was the bald-headed man in the front row.

Oh, daddy, you're such a flirt!

She knows you.

Fine thing for a certain girl to tell a certain guy

who just bought a certain coat.

The girl didn't mean it, daddy.

That's better. Now i can enjoy my lunch.

What are you going to start with?

I've already had ice cream.

She's ready for her soup.

Pardon me, nico-nicolodus.

Now, let's see what you're sending

this marine of yours.

I hope these american delicacies

aren't going to make him too homesick.

Ah! Caviar.

Caught in the good old mississippi, i'll bet.

Truffles. Imported fresh from brooklyn, of course.

Did you pick out these little numbers?

No. I gave the waiter one of your old shopping lists.

No wonder my digestion's been on the blink.

Save room for the picture.

What picture?

Mine. Fenwick asked for it.

Here's his last letter. See?

Oh, this i must see.

"Dear smoodgie..."

smoodgie?

Is that what he calls you?

That's how i sign all my letters.

I think it makes them sound more, uh...

personal, don't you?

"Dear smoodgie,

"your last letter was like a beautiful poem,

so tender and passionate..."

say, what do you write to this guy?

Cozy helps me type the letters.

They're all in this book.

"How to write letters to a soldier."

Hmmm.

Does your mommy know about this?

Oh, no!

She wouldn't understand.

Here's the picture i'm going to send.

Do you think fenwick will like it?

Well...

to tell you the truth, flip,

this picture does not flatter you.

It's my only one in a bathing suit.

You want him to think girls back home are shrinking?

This picture is liable to ruin his morale. Wait.

If i know anything about a marine's taste in pinup girls...

here.

There you are.

That's more like it.

But that's mommy!

Yep.

Best thing i ever did of her.

Nothing's too good for the marines.

Do think it's fair to fool fenwick like that?

Oh, sure. Keep him happy.

Tell him you posed for it.

If he believed your letters, he'll believe anything.

Better get your coat, flip.

She's ready, cozy.

Do we have to go so soon?

You don't want to keep mommy waiting, do you?

I'll ship this off to fenwick in the morning.

I'll bet when he gets it he...

now, now.

I'm sorry, daddy.

That's no way for a ziegfeld girl to act.

Your mascara's going to run all down your face.

I'm not a ziegfeld girl now, daddy.

Oh, that's right. Of course.

You're the lady guinevere.

Fair damsel, sir lancelot salutes thee.

Don't be sir lancelot, daddy,

'cause i'm not guinevere.

I'm just flip.

Oh, come on, now, darling.

Why, look at nicodemus and ebeneezer.

They're not crying.

They are, too.

Oh, daddy!

I know how you feel, darling.

I'm just as unhappy about it as you are,

but we mustn't let it get us down, must we?

After all, we're grown up people, aren't we?

I don't feel very grown up right now.

Mr. Gayley, i've got a cab waiting.

We don't want a cab, cozy.

Here. You u ke it.

Flip and i, we travel by magic carpet.

O.k., but you better order your magic carpet right now,

'cause it took me three hours to get this cab.

Are you going to take me home?

Certainly. What would king arthur say

if sir lancelot left a damsel in distress?

Come, m'lady.

Your snow-white steed awaits without.

Is anything afoot, sir lancelot?

Yes, m'lady.

I am.

Thinkest thou, squire mccarthy,

we may meet any fire-eating monsters

in yon enchanted forest?

No, but heaven help me if we bump into my sergeant.

He'll think i've blown me top for sure.

We're not doing any harm.

And daddy gets such a kick out of it.

Why, hello, cozy. Welcome home.

How do you do? How do you do?

It's sure good to be back.

Hello, mrs. Gayley.

Cozy, thank goodness you're back.

Yes, ma'am. At long last.

Wonderful. Where's flip?

Mr. Gayley's bringing her

on a magic carpet.

Magic...

mr. Gayley's coming here?

Yes, ma'am.

Why didn't you phone me?

You should've let me know.

Excuse me. I'll be right back.

She's got it, too.

Got what?

The bug. Same as mr. Gayley.

It's a scientific fact insanity is not contagious,

if that's what you mean.

Well, science still has got a lot to learn.

Come in.

Hello, mother.

Hello, dear.

Did i leave my glasses in here?

I haven't seen them.

Would you unzip me, please?

Are you changing again?

You know how clothes-conscious flip is.

I want to make a good impression.

You put this on only an hour ago.

Yes, but on second thought-

ellen, is philip coming?

Cozy did say he might.

I thought so.

I was hoping you'd have gotten philip out of your system.

I was hoping so, too.

You've had a year to forget him - a long time.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Philip has a certain charm. No denying that.

I'm not denying it.

Must you echo everything i say?

I agree with you. Phil has lots of charm.

It's unfortunate he can't turn it off around other women.

Hmm.

Hmm, indeed.

There are plenty of attractive men

who also make good husbands.

Philip just wasn't one of them.

You found that out yourself.

Not entirely. You helped me.

That's what a mother is for.

However there's no harm in your seeing philip now.

I'm sure you're smart enough

not to make the same mistake twice.

Thank you.

Later you'll wonder what you ever saw in philip.

I know what he saw in me.

I just want to refresh his memory.

Hmm.

Mommy!

Here i am!

Oh, mommy!

Oh, flip, darling!

Oh, baby, you're getting so big!

I grew a whole inch, got two new teeth,

and weigh 50 pounds.

Oh, wait a minute, darling.

It's so good to see you.

What's that perfume you're wearing?

Daddy bought it for me.

It's called bon jour, cheri.

That means...

hello, darling.

Hello, phil.

Well, aren't you going to kiss him?

Flip, it's time you realized

daddy and i aren't married anymore.

I bet you kissed him lots before you married.

I'll bet she did.

Let's not go into that.

Anyway, daddy can stay a while, can't he?

Yes, certainly.

Come on, daddy.

It's a lovely coat. So chic.

Thank you. I like your dress, too.

Took the words out of my mouth.

I see daddy's been spoiling you.

I have not.

Yes, you have.

He has spoiled me for any other man i'll ever know.

What?

Now, where did she get that?

She's been listening to those radio soap operas.

I'd like a word with you, young lady.

How have you been doing at school?

Don't tell me you've been playing hooky all this time.

Oh, no, mommy!

Only the last four days.

Oh, phil.

She's much smarter than those other kids.

I thought it only fair

to let them catch up.

Come upstairs, flip.

Your grandma wants to have a real good look at you.

In a few minutes, cozy.

Do as cozy tells you.

But it's been so long

since i've seen you and mommy together.

Run along, darling.

O.k.

Come on, nicodemus. Come on, ebeneezer.

Nicodemus. Ebeneezer.

Just wait till your grandma

hears about those two brothers of yours.

Brothers?

I invented them for flip.

She got lonesome at times.

Oh, i see.

She looks so different, phil.

Mm-hmm.

So do you, ellen.

I've never seen you look better.

Oh, i don't know why.

I haven't had a decent night's sleep in months.

Insomnia?

No, parties.

It's been cocktails here and dinners there

and dancing someplace else.

I just can't seem to get to bed till 4:00 in the morning.

Is that so? Maybe you're not trying.

I never knew how many attractive men

there were in new york until...

well, you know.

Mm-hmm.

Ellen, i'm a little bit disappointed in you.

Carousing around every dive in town,

wallowing in cocktails,

staggering home in the morning.

I waited until we were divorced.

And i hoped i was being missed a little.

You were. I talked about you lots of times.

You did?

With mother.

Oh, your mother.

Hmm. One of my greatest boosters.

How is the dear, sweet, lovable old-

phil!

Well, she is. She talked you into this divorce.

Mother has nothing against you personally, phil, but...

but-ah!

That was the word she did it with...

"ellen, i'm very fond of philip personally, but...

"i never listen to idle gossip myself, but..."

or, "ellen, your husband's artistic temperament

"excuses a great many things, but...

but, but, but, but.

Old goat butted you right into reno.

She was trying to protect me.

Protect you? From what?

What did i do?

Occasionally i took a model to dinner,

back to the studio to work.

I like to paint at night.

First five years we were married,

you painted in the daytime.

It's no use arguing. I give up.

You never gave up so easily.

I've changed a great deal this year.

It's no use trying to convince you,

so i'll be on my way.

Well, goodbye, phil.

See you in six months.

Yes.

I was hoping to ask you out to dinner tonight,

but i see you have other plans.

Funny. This is the first night in weeks

i wasn't planning to do anything.

Oh. Then have dinner with me.

I couldn't. It's flip's first night home.

You're not going out with somebody you just met.

You're going out with her old man.

What will people say?

They'll say it anyway.

This is the first anniversary of our divorce.

Let's celebrate.

If you put it that way...

slip on your mink and let's go.

Daddy, daddy, look what mama bought me.

Very smart.

It's a little, uh...

but very smart indeed.

But two coats in one day?

You and mommy ought to get together on these things.

I'm working on it, taking her out to dinner.

Oh, daddy!

Flip, where did you get to?

Kiss me good night when you bring mommy home.

O.k.

Wouldn't it be wonderful

if daddy and mommy got married?

Sure save us a lot of moving.

Imagine, i could be flower girl

at my own mother's wedding.

That would be a novelty.

Remember that song?

I've never heard it before.

Liar.

Sentimentalist.

I'll never forget the first time we danced together.

Neither will i.

I was holding you just like this

and crooning into your ear.

Do you remember one september afternoon?

I stood with you and listened to a wedding tune

and didn't i go with you on our honeymoon?

Remember me?

I can't understand it.

What?

You sang like that and i married you?

Oh...

i'm wounded.

I know what'll cure you.

Phil?

Mm-hmm?

I have a confession to make.

Those cocktails and dinners

and dancing till 4:00 in the morning?

Mm-hmm?

I made it all up.

Then you did miss the old man a little, huh?

I've missed you, too. You're my girl.

There'll never be anybody else but you.

Are you sure?

Of course.

What about that girl you've been painting?

Girl? Oh, you mean nancy graham.

Strictly business.

She's a good model,

but that's all she's ever meant to me.

Does she know that?

I think you sound a little jealous.

I like it, too.

Hey, want to see my masterpiece?

My, we certainly look happy, don't we?

Naturally, we do, because we're together.

That's the way it ought to be.

You really mean that?

You know i do.

I've got a swell idea. Why don't-

ellen, phil, you come now.

Go ahead, honey. I'll join you.

Joe, got a check for me?

Yes, mr. Gayley.

Did i keep you waiting?

No, not at all. Nancy!

What's the big surprise?

Did you forget we had a dinner date?

How could i forget a thing like that?

Shall we go in to our usual table?

No! Not yet, anyway.

Why not relax? We got plenty of time.

Give me tee martoo... uh, two martinis.

I've no appetite. I had a heavy lunch.

I didn't. I'm famished.

Let's eat here. It's more intimate.

Last time, you said it was more intimate in there.

What's he know? Order for us.

I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

Luigi, nancy's here.

With who?

Me. How do i get into these jams?

It's a gift.

I've got to go.

If ellen ever sees me with nancy-

or versa vice-a.

I don't want to make a scene.

You know how she is.

You take a girl to dinner 300 times,

right away she thinks you're interested.

Do something. We're in trouble.

Oh, mr. Luigl-

don't bother me. I'm in trouble!

Well, there you are, darling.

I thought you were lost.

Lost? What made you say that?

Only because you were so long.

That's the very idea i had at the bar.

Let's get lost together,

get away from everything and everybody.

We could leave right now.

Grab a cab, drive around the park.

We did order dinner, you know.

How can you talk about food now?

Somebody wants to talk to you on the telephone.

I wonder who that could be.

I take back all the nice things i said about luigi.

Here you are.

Thank you.

I figured it out.

Go sit with nancy.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to spill accidentally a little soup on her.

She has to go home and change her dress.

You can't go around spilling soup on people.

When i was a waiter,

i always did it, without even trying.

I got a better idea.

Spill the soup on me.

I'll have to go home and change my clothes.

You'll take ellen with you.

Think you can make it look natural?

Naturally.

Get napkins and follow me.

Very well, sir.

Here we are. Here we are.

Turtle soup made from real mock turtles.

I can hardly wait.

Fine. Very fine.

First, you get some.

So...

and then you get some.

Luigi!

Oh!

Oh, luigi, i'm surprised at you.

I'm even more surprised than you.

Excuse me, honey.

Oh.

That was great. Great.

But it did look natural, didn't it?

Natural. I got to get back to ellen.

I call you again to the phone

if i get another idea, one that doesn't leak.

Sheesh.

Who called you?

Luigi.

I mean on the phone.

Oh, that was, uh, jack gordon.

You remember jack.

How is the old barfly?

Oh, he's, uh...

he's not so well.

He's in the hospital

there's nothing wrong with jack. It's his wife.

She's having a baby.

I didn't know jack was married.

How could his wife be having a baby

if he wasn't married?

Wouldn't have a wife.

Oh, phil.

Phil-be careful with the soup.

You are wanted on the phone.

That must be jack again.

He probably wants someone to talk to.

Tell him i'd like somebody to talk to, too.

This time i really got it.

You got it the last time, too.

My busboy is handling everything.

Stand here with me so i have my alibi.

Alibi for what?

For that. Come. We carry her out.

I'm sorry.

Never mind being sorry.

You almost killed me with that.

What happened?

That busboy was tinkering with those steins.

One missed me by that much.

It missed you?

Luckily.

Where are you going?

To fire the busboy.

You can't fire a poor fellow

for an accident like that.

Are you trying to kill the girl?

No, just stun her a little.

Don't get any more ideas like that, will you?

No.

Now what did jack want?

I don't know.

What?

I don't know what he wanted,

but he got a girl.

How wonderful. What does she weigh?

Oh, um, 14 pounds and 8 ounces.

I mean 14 ounces and 8 pounds.

Silly.

That's a big baby.

Flip weighed less than 7 pounds at birth.

But she was very young.

And luigi got so excited

he spilled soup on himself?

I remember as if it happened tonight.

Phil, telephone for you.

Oh, not again.

I wonder what jack wants now.

I'm sorry. I'll be right back.

Now what?

I got a stroke of genius.

Stand behind the curtain and watch.

A wonderful idea.

It's absolutely foolproof, even for me.

First, i call myself up

on the phone in the next booth.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello.

Dummkopf. That's me.

Up to now, it's going fine.

Freddie, call miss graham to the phone.

You stand over there.

Hello?

Nancy, this is luigi.

Luigi, where are you?

At phil's studio.

Well, what are you doing there?

I'm with phil. Don't ask so many questions.

Phil wants you to come here.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

Oh, pardon me.

So-so you come right over to phil's.

We are having dinner here.

Phil is icing the champagne now,

and we are going to have a celebration-

big celebration.

He says a special occasion, a quite special occasion.

You shouldn't waste a minute.

You should come over.

It-yeah, nanc-nan-hello?

Nancy, d-do you hear me?

Say something.

What's the big idea?

W- what-what- what idea?

Nancy. Na-nancy, where are you?

Where are-

where...

shoo. Heh heh heh.

There you are.

If i thought you were making me a chump, i'd-

what's all the excitement?

I was making a joke on nancy.

It wasn't funny.

There's something going on around here tonight.

Go to the bar. I'll join you.

Stroke of genius.

She's smarter than i thought.

Well, you're not.

Tell ellen i'm still talking to jack.

Say it's twins.

Twins.

Everything all right?

Yes. Where's phil, luigi?

Still on the phone.

Jack gordon just had twins.

Twins?

Two little sons.

Both boys.

But the first was a girl.

No. She changed her mind.

Oh, good evening, mr. Gordon.

Hello, mae.

Why didn't you call last night?

Shh!

Are you coming, jack?

Coming, dear.

And jack said he's so upset

he's taking a hospital room

right next to his wife.

I thought that was you, ellen.

How are you? Hello, luigi.

Why are you here?

Celebrating. You remember mary scott, don't you?

We just got engaged,

going to get married in the spring.

Come on. Let's go.

See you later, ellen.

So long, luigi.

I think i'm wanted on the phone.

Why are you eating so fast?

Got to. Doctor's orders.

You better change doctors.

Heh heh.

Jack gordon.

What about jack gordon?

Jack gordon.

Excuse me.

Jack. - Phil.

You shouldn't be here.

You should be in the hospital.

That's funny. I never felt better in my life.

I just saw jack gordon. He's at the bar sitting down-

where's ellen?

She saw jack gordon, too. Look.

"You always did paint pretty pictures, phil,

"but this one is not for me.

Enjoy your other dinner." what?

Hello, mommy.

Flip, you shouldn't be up.

I was waiting for daddy.

He's not coming. Now, get back to bed.

Why didn't he bring you home?

Did you have an argument?

No. Just a little misunderstanding.

I'll bet that's daddy calling to apologize.

We won't answer that, flip.

No?

Hello? Hello?

I almost thought we were going back

to live with daddy.

I almost thought so, too.

Guess i'll never get that baby brother now.

Hello, ellen, is that you?

Oh, well.

Hello?

Hello, ellen?

Hello, ellen.

Good night, mommy.

Good night, darling.

Ellen!

Coming along, eh, mr. Gayley?

Coming along, mac.

Why waste time on this stuff?

Just getting back to nature.

There's more nature in one gorgeous girl you paint

than all these trees.

I can't get in trouble with a tree.

You've got a point there.

Merry christmas.

Merry christmas, mac.

Don't look.

Guess who? - Um...

ah... scarlett o'hara!

Nope.

Lady godiva.

Uh-uh.

Uh, i give up.

Ooh woo woo woo

i know. Pocahontas.

Oh, you've guessed it, daddy.

You've got a pretty good aim, poky, old girl.

Where were you yesterday?

Cozy and i went christmas shopping.

Daddy, are you coming to grandma's tonight?

I'd like to, but she wouldn't let me in.

Why don't you call mommy and ask her?

I've called every day for two months.

She won't speak to me.

But, daddy, it's christmas eve.

Everybody makes up with everybody on christmas eve.

Well, it's worth a try, isn't it?

O.k., let's go.

You going to leave your painting here?

Oh, sure. Nobody will take it.

I wouldn't want that in my house.

Well, uh, i'll try, sir.

Who is that, withers?

It's mr. Gayley. He wishes to speak to mrs. Gayley.

I'll speak to him.

Philip, you're wasting your time.

Ellen doesn't wish to speak to you.

Where's your yuletide spirit?

Haven't you heard of peace on earth

to men of goodwill?

But you aren't men of goodwill.

I am so! I want to talk to my wife!

She is not your wife. I will not call her.

She doesn't wish to speak to you.

Merry christmas.

Same to you!

You old...

there goes our nickel.

Rex?

Yes, margaret?

That was philip again.

Can't you do something

to stop him from calling here?

Legally, philip is bound to refrain from molesting ellen

during her six months' custody.

As your attorney, i could take certain steps-

hello, rex.

Did i hear the phone?

It was philip. I gave him the usual message.

You distinctly told me-

i know, but, after all, it is christmas eve,

and phil always did play santa claus for flip.

I advise you against permitting philip to see flip

except when the law provides.

Rex can take legal steps

to prevent philip from annoying you.

Keep as far away from phil as possible.

He's not fond of you.

You wanted a divorce. I got it for you.

Is that any reason for philip to dislike me?

Phil doesn't need a reason.

I suggest rex play santa claus for philippa tonight.

I'd be delighted.

I'd do anything to make flip happy.

I want her to like me, too, you know.

Well, you can try.

The whiskers might make a difference.

Of course they will.

I... ahem.

You know l-i don't think i'm making much progress with ellen.

You must have patience, rex.

These things take time.

Well.

I'm sorry, daddy.

I was kind of looking forward to tonight.

You kind of make believe i'm there tonight, huh?

I'll try, but after spending every day

with nicodemus and ebeneezer,

at night i'm usually tired of making believe.

You better scoot along

before they miss you around the house.

All right, daddy.

Goodbye.

Merry christmas.

Merry christmas.

What are we up to now?

January, february, march, april, may-

that last one was october.

To november.

No reason to neglect november.

To november.

Shee! Shee!

You will get sick.

You shouldn't eat so many olives.

Luigi, these glasses you see

represent milestones in my life.

One for each month of separation from ellen.

Lovely sentiment, isn't it?

It's lovely.

You're a sucker to sit around here and brood.

Do like i say.

Go up to my cabin in connecticut.

Nobody up there but the housekeeper, peaceful and quiet.

That's great.

Alone by myself at christmas in connecticut.

You don't have to be alone. I'll go.

We'll cook up a party.

I'm in no mood.

To december.

December.

You know something, phil?

What?

Nobody, nothing, no one

could keep me away from my kid on christmas eve.

Neither rain nor snail nor heat or snow

could keep me away from loved ones tonight.

I'd go through anything.

I'd suffer the pangs of hunger and thirst.

Thirst.

Jack, you're right.

I'm going to see flip tonight

if it's the last thing i do.

Even if it's the second to last thing you do.

So long, fellas. Merry christmas.

Poor phil.

Probably they won't even let him in,

and flip, such a nice little girl

with no santa claus.

That could never happen in the old country.

What old country?

Any old country.

Good evening.

Here i am, full of christmas cheer,

noel, and all that.

Is that your costume?

Yes. Where can i change?

Upstairs in the guest room.

It's cold out tonight-

shh! Flip's sleeping.

Will this be a pleasant surprise to her.

Well, a surprise anyway.

Ahem.

And a merry christmas to you.

Is that you, rex?

Why, rex, you look wonderful.

Oh, that tummy. I'd hardly know you.

Run along downstairs to mother.

She's trimming the christmas tree.

I'll be down in a few minutes.

Rex.

Oh, ho ho ho.

Baa!

Boo!

Oh, rex, how you startled me.

Ho ho ho!

That suits fits you perfectly.

You certainly look more presentable

than philip gayley ever did.

For once, we'll have christmas

without santa setting fire to the tree

or losing his beard

in the tom and jerry bowl.

To you and ellen,

and i hope that by this time next year

i can call you son.

You said it.

Hmm?

Ho ho ho!

Oh!

Eh heh heh heh.

Rex!

Baa!

Hoo hoo hoo!

Come in.

Well, ellen, what do you think?

How do i look, hmm?

Please, rex, i've already told you.

No more nonsense. Go downstairs.

For heaven's sake, don't drink any more tom and jerry's!

They're making a wild man out of you.

But i haven't had any-

there you are, margaret.

Rex.

Didn't think you'd know me with my whiskers.

Have i time for a drink?

How do i look?

I just told- these tom and jerry's

are stronger than i thought.

Have another one anyway.

Another one?

Why not? I made this for ellen.

Here's to ellen and you.

By next year, i hope to call you mother.

How sweet.

Oh, it's nearly midnight.

You better go upstairs

and get the toys from the hall closet.

Hall closet.

Baa!

Well...

ha ha ha.

Now, look here, rex.

I'm losing patience with you.

If you don't get out of my room and stay out,

i'll call this santa claus business off.

Why.

Ho ho ho.

Oh, dear.

Ow!

Hey!

Come on!

I don't know why you're so grumpy.

I thought you were anxious to see santa claus.

If santa claus is who i think,

some christmas this will be.

All right, mr. Wise-guy gayley,

now try to get out.

Yoo-hoo!

Hey! Hey!

Ha ha ha!

So i'm trapped, huh?

Let me out of here, gayley.

How do you expect me to get out of here?

Why don't you try the chimney?

It's 12:00.

I wonder what can be keeping santa claus.

Maybe i'd better go out and see.

Yes, maybe you had.

The last time i saw him, he was carrying quite a load.

Ta-da!

I don't know what's come over you tonight, rex.

Come on, and for heaven's sakes, do it right.

Here comes santa claus now.

Ho ho ho! Merry christmas, everybody.

Merry christmas.

Old kris kringle is here,

and the joint is jumping.

You're a pretty little girl.

Have you missed santa claus during this past year?

That's good.

Let's see what jolly old st. Nick

has brought for the youngsters and not-so-youngsters.

Ahh, "to flip from her daddy."

From daddy?

A great man, your daddy.

How did that get in there?

Oh, and here's one that says, "to ellen,

from her loving husband."

Ho ho ho!

You lucky girl, you.

Oh, "to flip, from her uncle rex."

A beautiful cocktail shaker.

What's the matter with rex?

I think i know what's the matter with him.

Ahh, let's see what we've got here for the old bag.

Uh, i mean in the old bag.

Ho ho ho!

I'm afraid there's nothing here for you, grandma.

You've been a naughty girl this year.

All right, phil, that'll be enough.

Daddy!

Oh!

Oh! Ellen, where is rex?

Oh, there he is, grandma!

Oh, my poor rex.

What did he do to you?

This is disgraceful. It's shocking!

I've got a right to see-

not tonight.

Gayley, the bathroom, locked me in.

Your conduct is outrageous!

Temper. Temper.

There you are, gayley.

I'm going to sue you.

I won't take this!

Well, take this.

What's he trying to do?

If it wasn't illegal, i'd punch you.

Go ahead. I won't sue you.

No. I don't trust you.

And you ought to be ashamed

giving this to a little girl.

I gave that to ellen.

And keeping your hat on in front of ladies.

Ellen, don't you understand?

Oh!

Ha!

Oh, rex!

Oh, you murdered him. He's dead.

Goodbye, and a merry christmas.

And a merry christmas to you, too.

Oh, my poor rex. My poor rex.

Ohh.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, phil!

What brought you here?

The cab.

Why, that's luigi.

I was going to play santa claus for flip.

She's got one. Get in.

How many santa clauses can there be?

The place is crawling with them.

To luigi's, driver. We're having a party.

You said you weren't in the mood.

I am now.

Oh, mommy, it was just like old times.

Isn't daddy wonderful?

He has his points.

Then why don't you fix it

so the three of us can be together always?

I'll think about it.

You will?

Oh, mommy, it's going to be a merry christmas after all.

Oh.

Luigi.

Ha ha ha ha!

It is luigi, isn't it?

Huh?

I hope so.

That's good.

Ohh.

How did you get in that bed?

I don't know.

First tell me where am i?

You're in my apartment.

Oh.

What happened last night?

Remember the party we were going to have?

Yeah.

We had it.

Shoosh! Shoosh!

I feel there's something else i ought to remember.

I forget whether it's something i did

or something i'm going to do.

Oh, that buzzing in my head.

You hear it, too?

Wait. We can't both be wrong.

I could've sworn i heard that buzzer.

Phil.

Ellen, dar-ooh!

Good morning. May i come in?

Yes. Sure. Sure.

But walk gently, will you, darling?

Judging from your big baby brown eyes,

santa claus must've made a few stops

on the way home last night.

Judging by my head,

i must've fallen down a few strange chimneys.

I wanted to talk with you,

but maybe i better come back.

No. You're just in time.

Let me have your coat.

Take off your hat and shoes

and make yourself at home.

How about a little breakfast?

No, thanks.

Do you mind if i whip myself up something?

No.

Little transfusion.

This place could certainly stand a woman's touch.

That an offer?

No, it's a suggestion.

I have a girl who comes in now and then

and does things around the house.

That's not what i meant.

Ha ha! Honey, it's so good to see you

back in your natural surroundings.

This couch has been lonesome for you.

None of your romance, friend.

I came here to talk about flip.

Ahh, one of my favorite subjects.

Phil, promise to stay away from flip when she's with me.

You make the child very unhappy.

She seemed happy last night.

That's just the point.

When you brought her to me two months ago,

she was depressed for a while.

Gradually she got used to being away from you

and everything was fine.

Ellen, you can't begrudge me

being with my own kid on christmas eve.

I don't, but you jump into her life for one night,

then leave. She misses you.

Isn't it normal to miss someone you love

when you're away from them?

Yes, but i can't make her understand

why the three of us aren't together.

And you can't make me understand it, either.

Can i tell flip we're apart

because you and i don't love each other?

She'd never believe you.

It's true, isn't it?

It's not true, and you know it.

Why do we punish each other like this?

I didn't want it this way.

Then let's start all over again,

for the sake of the children.

We only have one.

Yes, but i'm- i'm looking ahead.

I need you and flip, and you need me.

Don't you wake up in the middle of the night

and wonder where i am?

I used to do that when we were married.

Oh, wait a minute.

I'm asking all the right questions,

but you're not giving the right answers.

I know what it is.

It's tough enough trying to sweep a girl off her feet

without competing with daylight.

If i'd known you were coming,

i'd have the moon.

You'll have to settle for a star.

I like stars.

And a certain favorite record of mine.

See what a difference it makes?

Soft light, sweet music...

darling.

Phil... say something nice to me.

You look lovely.

How do you feel?

Lovely.

You're my girl, ellen.

We belong together.

Welcome home, mrs. Gayley.

Well, aren't you going to drink to that?

Oh, i want to come home, phil,

but this time i've got to be sure.

Look, why don't we go away somewhere

for a couple of weeks

and take flip with us.

Jack gordon's got a place in connecticut.

We could go riding and fishing.

I could do some painting.

You seem to forget we're not married.

We can take cozy with us for a chaperone.

I just want to prove

that we're better as a family than living apart.

What do you say?

Phil, i wanted to play house so badly.

Good. We'll pick up flip and be there in two hours.

I'll get dressed. Be right back.

You've got those stars in your eyes now, mrs. Gayley.

Don't move.

Luigi, ellen's coming back.

I'm going away. We're both leaving because we're together.

Luigi, this is the beginning.

You are back, but you are going away

because the beginning is all over.

You are starting to sound like me.

Take your coat. Say hello to ellen.

Hello, ellen. Where are you?

Oh, there you are.

Luigi!

Oh, it's good to see you.

When did you pop in?

I was in. I just popped out.

Ellen, it's such good news.

It's wonderful. It's beautiful.

It's dark in here.

Oh, ellen, and phil has been working so hard,

and he was lonesome, too.

He didn't look at the other woman.

He actually-

we've got time for one for the road.

Luigi, don't you ever go home?

Where's phil? We better get started. Ellen.

Hello, jack.

Did you know, uh, barbara bracken?

We just got engaged.

We're gonna get married.

Heh heh heh.

Barbara, this is ellen gayley.

Phil's wife.

But i thought-

oh, no, you didn't.

Pardon me for asking, but what goes on here?

Goes on? Nothing.

We're just catching a train.

I thought we'd say so long.

We might as well say it. So long.

Why don't you say something?

Say so long.

So long.

Hi, kids. Are we ready to leave?

Hello, nancy. Nice seeing you.

What's the matter with you?

We were coming to pick you up.

Let's go.

Oh, you and that bottle.

Hello, luigi. Oh.

The ex-mrs. Gayley.

Miss graham, i believe.

Did you drop in to say goodbye to phil?

Hardly. I came here to meet phil.

Oh. Going somewhere?

Yes. Didn't he tell you?

We're running to jack's place in connecticut.

I don't believe it.

Show her the tickets, jack.

Well, i, um-

here they are.

I hope phil wasn't so careless as to invite you, too.

No. He's much too smart to do anything like that.

That's good.

It would be awkward for me,

spending the weekend with his former wife.

I wouldn't think of spoiling the fun.

By the way, if i marry phil,

what'll that make you, my sister-in-law?

Miss graham, if i didn't have a certain amount of pride-

your pride didn't keep you from crawling back.

You shouldn't have said that.

What are you using to get him back,

the kid?

Please, ellen, this is all my fault.

Here, toots. Merry christmas.

Same to you.

Why you- i'll...

let me alone!

Hey, what is this?

Cut it out!

Ellen, what are you doing?

Letting myself go for a change.

I've been moping around that house over you,

talking myself into believing

that someday we'd be together again.

Well, my moping days are over.

From now on, i play the field with a vengeance.

Honey, let me explain.

Explain it to her.

Sister-in-law!

Ohh!

What have i done?

This is what you forgot to remember.

Mommy, i'm glad you're home.

I've got something to tell you.

Not now, flip. Have lunch with nicodemus and ebeneezer.

I don't want to have lunch

with nicodemus and ebeneezer.

I've invited fenwick.

Fenwick who?

Fenwick lonkowski. He flew from honolulu.

Just because you found a new friend

is no reason to be rude to nicodemus and ebeneezer.

Mommy, you don't understand-

i know, dear. Run along.

Tell cozy to fix a nice lunch for all of you.

Sister-in-law.

Mommy, i told fenwick he could take a shower.

I let him use yours

because the spray is stronger than the guest room.

That's fine, darling.

Hello, fenwick.

Hiya, flip.

Smoodgie!

Oh, gosh. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to startle you.

Oh, no!

Are you all right?

Yes, i'm fine. Stay where you are.

I always drop things.

But, smoodgie!

Stay where you are. Make yourself at home. Ohh!

Mommy, wait a minute!

Oh, cozy, there's a man in my bedroom.

He thinks i'm somebody called smoodgie.

You mean fenwick?

I just pressed his uniform.

Uniform?

Yes, mommy. That's what i've been trying to tell you.

Fenwick is a marine.

A marine?

Uh-huh. I've been writing him for months.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

You've been writing to a marine?

Yes. The man on the radio said

just because the war's over,

we shouldn't stop writing to servicemen.

Ahh.

But why this fenwick?

The radio gave a whole list of lonesome soldiers.

I picked fenwick

because i thought with that name,

he'd be the lonesomest.

What's he doing here, darling?

I sent him a christmas box. He's on leave,

so he came to thank me.

Well, that's different.

Why didn't you say so?

The only trouble is, he thinks you're me.

He thinks i'm what?

He thinks you're the one that's been writing to him.

Whatever gave him that idea?

I sent him a picture of you.

You sent him my picture?

But why?

It wasn't my idea. It was daddy's.

Daddy said nothing's too good for the marines.

So it was your father's idea.

Well, all right. If that's the way he wants it, fine.

Then fenwick can stay for lunch?

Uh-huh.

We should be nice to servicemen.

We'll be much nicer than your daddy ever dreamed.

Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat.

There i am, laying in this foxhole.

Suddenly, something bites me in the leg.

A fox?

You heard that joke before, huh?

Ha ha. Ha ha.

Seriously, why don't you tell us some more

of your experiences, corporal?

Don't call me corporal.

Call me wicky, like in your letters.

Oh, yes, my letters.

I've got them all here.

Know which one i like best?

Well, i wouldn't presume to say.

I'll read it to you.

"Dear wicky..."

ha ha.

"I've been sitting here

"watching nightfall, thinking of you.

"V-mail can't bring us near each other,

"as we'd like to be,

"but soon, there will be a knock at my door,

"and you'll be standing there.

"I'll know you right away,

"even though i've never seen you.

"Then we can make up

"for the time we didn't know each other.

"Until then, i am forever...

"affectionately...

smoodgie."

You didn't write letters like this

to anybody else, did you?

No, i swear i didn't.

Why didn't you ever tell me about flip?

Oh, uh...

i was afraid you'd lose interest

if i admitted having a grown-up daughter.

Well, as long as you haven't got a grown-up husband.

But, mommy-

yes, darling. It's all right.

Do you know what i'd like to do right now?

I can't imagine.

Well, it's been 18 months

since i've seen a woman.

Yes, i gathered that.

I'm just itching to get my arms around a girl and-

yes?

Turn on the radio and-

yes?

Dance to a good band.

Yes, oh, yes.

Yes, that would be easy.

Of course, i should say.

I may be a little rusty.

I'll get it.

Hello.

Daddy!

How are you, honey? Good.

May i speak to the woman we love?

Well, i don't know.

Mommy is dancing.

Huh?

She's doing what?

With whom?

With fenwick.

You know, fenwick lonkowski.

What's he doing dancing with your mother?

He thinks mommy's me.

Oh, he thinks she's you.

What?

But- but that's terrible.

What's this guy look like?

Who? Uh, fenwick?

Oh, he looks just like he sounds, daddy.

Well, what does he sound like?

Is he big or little?

Big?

Oh, no, he's tiny,

about 5'2".

5'2".

Oh.

Skinny little shrimp, huh?

Oh, he's not skinny, daddy. He's very fat,

and he has hardly any hair.

You're kidding. Huh?

And glasses, too?

Ha ha ha.

Thick ones?

Ha ha ha.

All right, honey.

Well, you tell mommy to have a nice time with her marine.

All right, daddy. I'll tell her. Bye.

So there she is,

stuck with this little guy.

He looks like a beer barrel.

Oh, i really fixed her.

It's good ellen has a sense of humor.

She better have.

Mr. Luigi...

i'll wait for you outside the bar.

All right.

Whew. You're about the tallest marine i've ever seen.

Well, i ain't short.

Thank you.

Uh, bourbon and plain water.

Yes, sir.

Make that a double. Put it on my tab.

Nothing's too good for the marines.

Thanks, bud.

Great body of men, the marines.

Of course, they don't all look like you.

Well, i'm in pretty good shape.

I should say you are.

What's funny? What's the joke?

Oh, nothing to do with you.

I was just thinking of another marine i know.

He's a little guy with glasses.

He's fat, looks like a penguin.

Sounds like my sergeant.

No kidding? You sergeant looks like that?

Well, down the hatch.

Yeah, here's to you. Here on furlough?

Yeah, i got one more week.

They better get out of your way, huh?

They'd better get out of my way, rump!

Got yourself a playmate?

I got the cutest little doll

you ever laid eyes on,

and not a kid just out of rompers.

Uh-huh. You'll do all right.

You know i'll do all right.

I can't help thinking

about that little guy.

I shouldn't be laughing at him.

Excuse me. Here comes my baby now.

You bet.

Thank you.

Keep you waiting?

No, not much.

Ah, this is my favorite table.

We could have gone to someplace lively.

Oh, it'll get lively here. Don't worry.

Hello, ellen.

Why, phil.

Am i intruding?

Oh, no more than usual.

Corporal lonkowski, this is philip gayley.

We've met already, in a way. We just-

gayley?

You two related?

Uh, in a way.

He's my brother-in-law.

What do you know? Won't you sit down?

This calls for a drink.

I owe you one, anyway.

I'll go get the waiter.

Hurry back.

What's this brother-in-law business?

I thought it might be embarrassing for wicky

to sit with my ex-husband.

Wicky?

Yes, that's his nickname. Cute?

Cute. O.k., i won't crab your act.

What are you doing fooling around with this kid for?

Who's fooling?

You'd better be because he isn't.

This guy's been living in a jungle a long time.

In a jungle.

All set.

Drinks will be right here, mr. Gayley.

Don't be so formal, wicky.

Call him uncle phil like flip does.

Oh, gee, i couldn't do that.

Oh, sure. Go ahead,

as long as we're spending the evening together.

Well, thanks, uncle phil.

Gee, they're playing the rumba.

How 'bout it, smoodgie?

Why, yes. Certainly, wicky.

I didn't know you was her brother-in-law.

Shows you how careful you got to be

what you say to strangers.

Ha ha ha ha.

See now?

They make a lovely couple,

ellen and the short fat marine,

and you fixed that.

Go ahead. Stab me in the back.

Taxi.

Yeah, we'll need one, too.

Why don't you share my cab?

If it's all right with smoodgie.

If it's all right with you, it's all right with me.

Hop in, corporal.

I'm so glad we didn't go to connecticut,

or i wouldn't have met wicky.

Wicky.

Well, good night, ellen.

Can i drop you off somewhere, corporal?

I don't know just where i'm stopping yet.

You're stopping here, of course.

We have a lovely guest room.

What?

I wouldn't turn wicky away at this hour.

I'll put the corporal up at my place.

Well, i don't know just what to say.

I insist you stay here, wicky.

That's mighty nice of you.

Thanks anyway.

But what about your mother?

Won't she be upset having a stranger in the house?

Oh, mother isn't home.

Your mother's not home?

She won't be back till tomorrow.

Come on, wicky.

Good night,

uncle phil.

Want me to wait, bud? Clock's still running.

Can't you see i'm thinking?

Oh.

How much do i owe you?

$1.60.

You think you got some chump?

Here's a buck.

But the clock says $1.60.

The clock's a phony.

I'm not so sure about you.

Now just a minute, bud.

I'd like my money. I got two kids.

I don't care if you got nine kids.

If you haven't got the dough,

you can send it to me.

Why don't you shut up and leave?

You don't have to shout at a guy.

Oh, you want to make something of it?

That sounds like uncle phil.

Put up your dukes!

Come on!

Here, buddy.

Here's 5. keep the change and beat it.

Huh?

Beat it. Beat it.

Poor guy.

Uncle phil, speak to me.

Speak to me.

There's something fishy about this.

Where are you taking him?

Inside. We can't leave the poor guy out here.

He might catch pneumonia.

Well, couldn't we just cover him with something?

The best thing would be to send him to a hospital.

Can't get in unless you're sick.

I hope it isn't a concussion.

My friend got banged in the head.

Made him a different man.

Why didn't i think of that?

Where am i?

Guess.

Now take it easy, uncle phil.

I'll be all right.

Just let me...

rest a little.

As soon as you feel your strength flooding back,

you can leave.

Not in this condition. It might be serious.

He can't stay here. I don't want him.

I haven't any pajamas for him.

He can wear a pair of mine.

As long as you have everything settled between you,

i guess you don't need me anymore.

Good night.

Good night, smoodgie.

I'll get you a drink of water.

Good night,

smoodgie.

Why don't you grow up?

Do you expect me to leave you alone

with that-that amphibious casanova?

I can take care of myself if i want to.

I'm not so sure-

uncle phil! Are you sure you're all right?

That's no way to behave.

I'll take care of him, smoodgie.

Up we go.

Good night,

uncle phil.

Uncle phil, how do you feel?

Slightly lost.

You'd better take it easy.

That was a bad bump you got.

There. That better?

Yeah.

Uh, uncle phil, i've got something on my mind.

I want you to be the first to know.

Go ahead, my boy.

Well, i'm nuts about your sister-in-law,

and i'm going to marry her.

Marry her? What for?

What for?

Uncle phil, you look upon ellen as a relative,

but me-well, take tonight when we was dancing.

I'm holding this beautiful girl in my arms,

and i started to get a feeling like-

oh, but you wouldn't understand.

But, fenwick, ellen's not going to be satisfied

with any ordinary man.

She's spoiled.

Her ex-husband was a pretty terrific guy.

She divorced him, didn't she?

He left his mark.

She'd always be comparing you to him.

You might be a poor second.

Take your build, for instance.

It's-it's pretty good,

but compared to my brother-

what a handsome devil.

Fascinating.

But tough. And strong?

You might not believe this,

but he could even take a telephone book

and tear it in two.

You mean like this?

Yeah, but...

you used two hands.

Oh, yeah.

Your brother will be a hard guy to follow,

but i think i can make ellen forget about him.

You're not sleeping like that?

Why not?

Someone might see you.

It gets chilly at night.

I'm out of the habit of sleeping with clothes.

I feel overdressed as it is.

Well, time to hit the sack, uncle phil.

Yes, sir, you've had a pretty strenuous evening.

You just get yourself a good sleep

and rest those weary old bones.

Good night, uncle phil.

Good night.

Wicky. Wicky.

Wicky. Wicky. Wicky.

Nothing is too good for the marines.

Ha ha.

Oh, no, he's tiny.

About 5'2".

I'm in pretty good shape.

You're flabby, but i'm in pretty good shape.

Pretty good shape.

I'm so glad we didn't go to connecticut.

Why, i wouldn't have met wicky, wicky, wicky.

You know i'll do all right.

Who's fooling?

You'd better get out of my way, rump!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha!

Oh! Who's there?

Oh, it's me.

Oh.

What do you mean, "oh"?

Who'd you think it was, wicky?

Wicky wouldn't have been so clumsy.

If he's not here, where is he?

How should i know? Maybe he's sleepwalking.

If i find him walking in this direction,

i'll put him to sleep permanently.

Ha ha.

Ah, there you are.

Hello, uncle phil. Cold chicken?

No, thanks.

I just can't seem to fall asleep.

What's the matter, something on your mind?

No. I guess i just miss the jungle noises.

What do they sound like?

Like this-

bleop, bleop, bleop.

Caw, caw, caw.

What's that, some kind of bird?

It's lots of birds put together.

If you think it'll put you to sleep,

i'll help you out.

Uncle phil, that's swell.

That's all right.

O.k., go ahead.

Bleop, bleop, bleop.

Caw, caw, caw.

Uncle phil, it's no good if i see you.

Why not?

It's night in the jungle.

You can't see the birds.

Oh. O.k.

Bleop, bleop.

Caw, caw, caw.

Oh, wait, uncle phil.

No, uncle phil, you only had two bleops.

Got to be three.

Ah, pardon me.

Bleop, bleop, bleop.

Caw, caw, caw. Bleop, bleop-

nope. No use. Guess i'm just not tired enough,

but you go to bed, uncle phil.

No, i'm not tired, either.

I'll tell you what. We'll do some calisthenics.

That'll wear me out.

Good. Then we can both go to sleep.

Here's the first one.

Hup. Hup. Hup. Hup.

Up. Down.

Well, uncle phil?

Come on.

Here we go.

Up. Down. Up. Down.

1, 2, 3, 4.

That's it.

1, 2, 3, 4.

Lay 'em down.

Oh, pick 'em up and lay 'em down.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Well, that's enough dogtrotting, uncle phil.

I got one for you now. Stand back.

The old nip-up. Ha ha.

There you are, uncle phil.

Now it's your turn.

Me?

Yeah, just roll it back and flip it up.

Oh, gee, i'm sorry, uncle phil.

Are you hurt?

Oh, don't tell me that cab driver came back again.

Uncle phil and i was just doing some calisthenics.

He missed the last one.

Which one?

This one.

Ha ha ha ha.

Well, what's the matter?

You didn't really think uncle phil could do that?

Oh, yeah?

Oh!

I knew he shouldn't have tried that.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning.

They're asking for you.

Who's they?

Mrs. Gayley and that marine.

My, what a fine-looking young fellow.

Have some more hot cakes, wicky.

Thanks. Don't mind if i do.

Good morning.

Hiya.

Hello, uncle phil.

Philippa.

How you feeling this morning?

Reasonably well, thank you,

except i seem to have suffered

a slight lapse of memory.

Oh, forget something?

I recall having been tripped in the kitchen.

After that...

after that, wicky carried you upstairs.

Yeah, for the second time in one night.

I hope you two didn't stay up late

worrying about me.

Would you like hot cakes, unc?

Unc?

Dear little philippa.

No, thank you.

If you'll excuse me, i'll go get my coat.

We've got a full day ahead of us.

I'm sorry. I can't be with you this morning.

I've a million things to do.

I'll be back at noon. Mother will be here,

and we can really do the town.

I'm looking forward to meeting your mother.

Goodbye, smoodgie.

Bye-bye, wicky.

Ha ha.

Sweet boy.

Come out from behind that low sultry voice.

I know you.

You used to know me,

but you're now looking at the new ellen.

5'2".

Big stomach. Baldheaded.

Can't even trust my own daughter.

I'm sorry, uncle phil.

I mean, daddy.

Anyway, you're prettier than fenwick.

You know who's going to suffer most

if your mother marries him? You are.

She's going to marry him?

Not if i can help it.

How'd you like to grow up

with that weightlifter for a daddy?

You'd be nothing but muscle.

You'd bulge all over the place.

You'd be nothing but one great, big horrible bulge.

What are we going to do?

Get rid of him. But how?

Must be some way to get him out.

If only your mother had a jealous husband.

She has.

Who?

You.

I keep thinking i'm uncle phil.

If only i was as tough as i told him i was,

i'd take him and tear him in pieces.

Oh, daddy, don't be silly.

Nobody would ever believe you're a tough guy.

Why not?

You believe i'm sir lancelot, don't you?

You believe i'm robin hood.

Yes, but fenwick hasn't my imagination.

Well, never mind. I'm desperate.

You tell him your father's coming.

I'll run fenwick out of here.

All right, daddy,

but i hope you're not running in front of him.

So i thought i'd better warn you

in case you want to leave.

No, i'd kind of like to know your father.

Well, you're taking an awful chance.

He's still very jealous of mommy.

I've taken chances before.

If you want anything,

just whistle.

Daddy always had a terrible temper,

but since mommy divorced him,

he's really become a wild man.

I've seen cases like that. Nerves.

So we always humor him when he gets violent.

If he tells you to do something, do it.

I think i can handle him.

Daddy!

Daddy!

Hello, squirt.

Where's your mother?

She's out, daddy.

Out? With who?

Oh, she's alone.

She'd better be.

Pardon me, mr. Gayley.

Who's this creep?

I'm fenwick lonkowski.

I've heard about you from your brother phil.

My brother? That cream puff?

What's this mug doing here?

He's going to marry mommy, daddy.

What's the matter with you,

you tired of living?

We can talk this over.

We ought to be friends.

Keep your mitts to yourself,

or you and me is going to tangle.

If i can't have ellen,

no other guy's going to have her.

Now get going.

But if you'll only listen.

Get going.

Please don't do that, sir.

Go on, get out of here.

I wouldn't do that if i were you.

Oh, you wouldn't, wouldn't you?

Listen, junior-

you're going to make daddy mad.

I'm glad you picked me up.

I didn't want you to get home before me.

Why not?

We have an unexpected guest.

Gee, i'm sorry, sir.

I guess i kind of forgot myself.

So, don't know when you've had enough, eh?

Get out of here before i stop liking you.

Oh, please, mr. Gayley.

Go on, get out, you big-

what's the meaning of this?

He's always on his back. Get up, phil.

Phil? I thought there was something funny about this.

What's on your face?

You must be mrs. Hamilton.

Who's he?

Fenwick lonkowski.

I'll attend to him later.

I'll thank you to leave my house immediately.

Get rid of him, too.

Oh, uncle phil-

don't call me uncle phil.

I'm nobody's uncle. I'm her husband.

Ex-husband.

I see what you meant

when you wrote you wanted a real man.

It was flip who wrote you all those letters.

Flip!

You heard me. I'll go now.

You've certainly made a mess.

Of course. It's all my fault.

It's too late to apologize.

Mommy, stop him! Stop him!

Flip.

Mommy, he's gone.

He's gone!

Gee...

poor kid.

Oh, don't cry, flip.

Everything's going to be all right.

No, it won't. Daddy's gone,

and he's never coming back

to mommy or me.

Guess i'll always be an only child.

Now don't you worry, honey.

They'll be back together.

Everybody keeps talking,

but nobody ever does anything about it.

Oh, fenwick.

Come in.

Well, hello.

Where's flip?

We know you've got her.

What are you talking about?

Flip hasn't been here?

No, i haven't seen her.

Why? What happened?

That's strange. It doesn't even sound like flip.

Where'd you find it?

Pinned to her bed this morning.

Can i make a suggestion?

Keep out of this.

I'm worried. Something terrible might happen.

Don't talk like that.

He's right, smoodgie. She couldn't-

please, wicky, this is our problem.

What are we going to do?

Phone the police.

Know what i think?

Where could she have gone?

She couldn't have gone very far.

Philippa gayley, age 7,

female, caucasian,

has been missing since early this morning.

Watch all public places, major highways,

railroad and bus terminals.

This may be possible kidnapping.

The whereabouts of 7-year-old philippa gayley

remains a mystery.

A citywide search for the noted artist's daughter

is continuing, so far, without results.

Washington- new legislation-

oh, phil, if anything's happened to her,

i'll never forgive myself.

Take it easy, honey.

The kid must have been unhappy to run away.

We didn't give her the home she needed.

It's all my fault.

Don't say that, phil.

We've all been to blame,

one way or another.

Too bad you didn't realize that sooner.

This way, officer.

We found your daughter, mrs. Gayley.

You have? Where? Where is she?

We'll take you down to her.

Is she all right?

We also got the guy that kidnapped her.

Oh! Kidnapped! Kidnapped?

Tragedy.

All right, come on. Talk.

Talk? What do you want me to say?

You told us your name is willie schmidt.

Then why does the kid call you luigi?

Well, you see, when i bought my restaurant,

the name on the sign was luigi's,

and it was cheaper to change my name

than to buy a new sign.

What's the use? Take the lights off him.

What were you doing pushing this kid in that taxicab?

I was taking her home.

Home?

A marine brought her to me this morning.

A marine?

And he said i shouldn't

let her mama and papa

know where she was. I decided-

where is she?

There she is.

Oh, flip! Baby!

Luigi, what are you doing here?

This is your kidnapper.

That's ridiculous. This man's a friend.

Why did you do it?

We'll take you home.

I'm not going home.

I'm going to live in luigi's back room and scrub floors,

and luigi will beat me.

Me beat you? Oh.

Why don't you want to come home?

Because you and mommy don't love me anymore.

I know who i'd like to take before a judge.

Daddy and i love you.

Well, why don't you get married

so we can always be together?

What do i say in my report, buddy?

You found our little girl, and we're grateful.

We won't trouble you anymore.

She's coming home to live with her mother and father.

That's right. She-what?

Mommy! Daddy!

We can go home now.

All right, mommy, i'll go home.

Luigi, that little blond hatcheck girl down at your place,

is she, uh...

is she?

Sheeee.

Yes?

Telegram for gayley.

Come in.

There you are, sir.

Thanks.

"Have a wonderful second honeymoon."

Here, you better read this.

Who's it from?

Oh, an old girlfriend.

Oh, phil.

Oh!