Original subtitles

Tobie: Welcome to "Just Roll With It"!

(theme music plays )

(kids cheering)

♪♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

‐Let's! ‐Go!

All: "Just Roll With It"!

‐(bell ringing) ‐(kids cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

(audience cheering)

Tobie: Yeah!

(all cheering)

(audience clapping, cheering)

Welcome to Just Roll With It!

(audience clapping, cheering)

A show where the studio audience gets to vote

on what happens to us in scenes.

(audience clapping, cheering)

And the show where I've learned

to prepare for the worst.

(audience clapping, laughing)

It's cute you think the bubble wrap will save you.

So, when you hear this sound:

(foghorn blares)

You get to vote. And we'll have to:

All: "Just Roll With It"!

(audience clapping, cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪♪

Okay, everyone T‐minus two minutes

till General Barnswallow's here.

We gotta make sure this place is spotless.

Are these cookie crumbs?

I just cleaned this. Who's been eating cookies

on the banister in the last five minutes?

(muffled dialogue)

I gotta go finish cleaning the toilet.

I'm so excited Rachel's old commanding officer

is coming to stay with us.

Is he as awesome as Rachel made him sound?

If by awesome you mean unfunny, annoying,

boring, and just, like, a total drag to be around,

then yes. He is awesome!

Come on, Blair. Isn't Caleb your godfather?

Yeah, but I wasn't really consulted on that decision,

seeing as I was a baby.

If it had been up to me, I would have picked Liam Hemsworth.

‐Solid pick. ‐Good choice. Incredible cheekbones.

And I've also heard he's just, like, nice.

‐I've heard that. Just, like, super grounded. ‐I like the whole family.

Guys! What are you doing?

Just talking Hemsworths. You brought it up.

Let's stay on topic. Caleb is the worst.

Well, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Any friend of Rachel's is a friend of mine.

Except for Eileen.

‐I can't stand her. ‐The worst.

‐Come on. Come on. She talks so much. ‐(doorbell rings)

‐Caleb! ‐Rachel!

(chuckles) Oh! Ah!

This must be the beautiful family I've heard so much about.

I'm so glad my book tour brought me to Akron.

Not so glad they couldn't spring for a hotel room.

Well, you're more than welcome to stay here for as long as you'd like.

Well, I see you keep your house in tip‐top form.

Besides those cookie crumbs on the banister over there.

You must be Byron.

I'm so sorry I wasn't able to attend the wedding.

That weekend I was overseeing a political transfer of power

in a foreign state.

Right. I heard. How'd it go?

Not good. Big mess.

Well, think I'll go lay some barb wire

for us to crawl under on our big hike tomorrow.

‐Say what, now? ‐That's right. 5:00 a. m.

Caleb's leading us on one of his famous

pre‐dawn, entirely uphill fun‐runs.

Wait. Are you joking?

Wait. Are you joking?

Because that is awesome!

♪♪

This is the best day ever!

(grunts) The fun‐run would have been amazing on its own.

But doing it with a backpack full of bricks was mwah!

(panting) I think I might be allergic to exercise.

I don't think I would have made it if Caleb hadn't carried me

that last half mile.

It was no trouble.

You are surprisingly light.

If anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs researching how to get adopted.

I'm gonna go upstairs and disconnect her Wi‐Fi.

You still up for barbecuing later or would you rather order in?

I promised this man a Byron Burger.

He's gonna get a Byron Burger.

You are too kind. Please allow me to help.

All right. If you wouldn't mind peeling the potatoes

while I get started on the meat, that'd be great.

(chuckling): Sure.

Ooh, I'll help, too.

Being useful makes me feel alive.

That ought to do it.

(chuckles) Whoa. You're a potato‐peeling pro.

My dad usually takes, like, five minutes a potato, and there's way more blood.

Oh, uh, Byron, you're not supposed to put potato peels

down a drain. It'll clog.

Trust me. I know my sink.

(loud clattering)

Dad, is that supposed to happen?

(clattering)

Luckily, I got one more trick up my sleeve.

Rachel, call the plumber!

Don't waste your money.

I have a mini‐plumbing kit right here on my keys for just such an occasion.

Well, hold up, your old man's been known

to plumb it up on a pipe or two.

Let me just pop the hood and give it a look‐see.

Ah, yep! This is a classic clog!

‐(pipes bursting) ‐(clattering)

(Byron screaming)

‐Owen: Dad, what happened? ‐(screams)

(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

(clapping)

‐(bell dings three times) ‐Host: Okay, audience. You get to vote

on which body part Byron hurt.

You know what could be in pipes? Cockroaches.

(yells)

Host: The votes are tallied.

On the cupboard door, there is gonna be a note.

Take this note off of the cupboard,

and you're gonna read it.

‐(bell ringing) ‐Host: Let's go back to the scene.

Director: Action!

‐(pipes bursting) ‐(Byron screaming)

Aah! Byron!

‐(Byron yelling) ‐Owen: Dad, what happened?

Aah!

When the pipe burst, I hurt my neck! Ow!

‐(bell dings) ‐Hurt your neck?

‐Sit. ‐Owen: Okay, Dad. Dad.

Major Rachel, get down here. We got a man down on the field.

‐Get the MASH unit working! ‐All right, copy that.

‐Owen: Dad, Dad. ‐Here you go, my friend. Right here. Do not move.

‐Gauze, coming in. ‐Let's start with the gauze. You hold this.

‐All right. ‐Uh, thank you so much.

‐This ought to help. ‐Owen: All right.

‐Mm. ‐I'm also a board‐certified magician.

‐Byron: Okay, great. ‐Rachel: Reflex test.

‐Can't wait to see. ‐Reflex test. Face me, please.

‐Okay. ‐And now me.

‐(slaps) ‐Rachel: Face here, face here.

‐There you go. ‐Okay, great.

‐The power of reflexes. ‐This way.

Caleb: Let's make sure his brain hasn't been dislodged.

‐(Byron groans) ‐Let's check the ear canal.

Caleb: Yeah, let's get that. I think he has... All right, hold still, sir.

‐Okay. It's right? ‐(trombone blares)

(screams)

‐(audience laughing) ‐Caleb: Major, it's time for Betsy Ross.

‐Flying in. ‐(high‐pitched voice) Hello, I'm Betsy Ross.

‐Hi, Betsy. ‐How do you do?

‐I'm good. I'm Byron. ‐Do you have any ideas for the flag? I'm working on it.

‐You should just make it prettier. ‐Prettier? Like me?

‐Go ahead and say it. ‐You're so pretty.

‐You're fresh! ‐(Byron yelling)

‐My neck! My neck! ‐Caleb: Stay away from him!

‐What are you doing? What is that all about? ‐My back! Aah!

‐Byron, you're gonna wanna bite on this for the pain. ‐(squeaks)

‐(groans) ‐All right, we gotta test your reflexes, here.

‐Catch these on your nose. ‐(Byron groans)

‐There we go. ‐(Byron groans)

All right, that's good.

‐Give it a honk. Give it a big honk. ‐(squeaks)

Caleb: You know what? This thing is totally broken.

‐We gotta get a brace on there. ‐Rachel: Coming right up.

Caleb: All right, make sure this, uh‐‐ the gauze is still‐‐

Are you‐‐ Did you find it down there?

Yeah. You keep it very organized.

Yeah, it's very organized down there. Yeah.

‐We missed you when you were gone. ‐I missed being there.

Yeah, here. Take these now.

‐There you go. You hold onto that. ‐Thank you.

‐Give him one more squirt. ‐(honks)

‐(audience laughs) ‐Owen: So...

he has to wear that for the rest of the time?

‐That's it. ‐That's right.

‐(laughing): The whole‐‐ ‐(audience cheering)

(cheering, clapping continues)

♪♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

All right.

First burger goes to the man of the house.

I was talking about your father.

Oh. Right.

Thank you, son.

All right, Owen.

This next one has your name written on it.

Wh‐‐ Why it‐‐

It's juicy and bursting with flavor!

Just like a good burger should be.

(tearfully) I didn't know they could be like this.

Stupid, juicy, well‐seasoned burger.

Everything okay, Dad?

You've been muttering to yourself more than usual.

Considerate, thoughtful son. Always asking about my muttering.

Somebody raided my candy stash.

Ooh! Sorry, Blair. Didn't mean to rain on your parade.

But when I was deep‐cleaning the carpet earlier,

I saw the contraband.

As I knew it was a violation,

I felt compelled to report it to your mother.

‐But Mom! ‐Caleb was right to let me know, hon.

All that candy is bad for you.

Now, eat your double‐bacon burger with extra cheese.

And don't forget to slather it up with the dipping lard.

Hey. Have you noticed my dad's been a bit off

since Caleb got here?

Yeah, Caleb's a dill weed.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Of course I am. But we'll never get away with it.

We won't get away with cheering Dad up?

Oh. That's what you were talking about.

That's not really my thing. But knock yourself out.

♪♪

‐Hey, champ. ‐(groans)

How's it going?

Fine, I guess.

I don't know.

Feels like now's a good time for one of our

son‐father chats.

So, is there anything you want to share, or get off your chest?

No.

Maybe.

Does it have something to do with Caleb being here?

It's just, he's starting to make me look bad.

He even upstaged me last night when we were out dancing,

and you know the dance floor is my sacred space.

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(laughing)

‐(audience cheering) ‐(squealing) Yeah!

Host: All right, audience.

What type of dance should our cast do?

So, you two change.

Just so you know, I'm actually in on this one.

So you'll hear me say a lot of things that aren't true.

Director: There will be a menu.

You will read your new line from that menu.

Host: Votes are in. Now back to the scene.

Man: Rolling.

Director: Action!

He's starting to make me look bad.

He even upstaged me last night when we went out dancing.

And you know the dance floor is my sacred space.

‐Hey, Caleb? (laughs) ‐Yeah? Yes?

How about a good, old‐fashioned hip‐hop dance competition?

‐(bell dings) ‐(audience cheering)

Oh, boy.

‐Yeah! ‐Rachel and I will go first.

(audience cheering)

‐(hip‐hop music plays) ‐Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

(audience laughing)

Check it out, check it out.

Here we come.

(audience cheering)

‐Caleb: Yeah. ‐Audience (chanting): Caleb! Caleb!

‐Caleb! Caleb! ‐Caleb: No!

‐Audience (chanting); Caleb! Caleb! ‐Hey, hey, hey. Hold on.

You wanna dance? Oh, geez.

‐Byron: Yeah! ‐Sir, you want‐‐ Come on!

‐Ladies. ‐(audience laughing)

‐Byron: You gotta pick. ‐Caleb: You.

‐Caleb: You want to go? ‐Rachel: Yeah!

‐Come on. ‐(all cheering, clapping)

Worst day of your life. Worst day of your life.

Yeah, you're gonna be great.

And you're gonna do most of the work for me. (laughs)

All right, young lady. Shall we dance, madam?

‐(hip‐hop music plays) ‐Byron: Yeah!

Huh! Huh!

(audience cheering)

(hip‐hop music continues)

Audience (chanting): Go, Caleb! Go, Caleb! Go, Caleb! Go, Caleb!

Go, Caleb! Go, Caleb!

Byron: He's‐‐

He's killing it! He's killing it!

‐(music stops) ‐(audience cheering)

‐(rhythmic clapping) ‐Audience (chanting): Caleb! Caleb!

‐Caleb! Caleb! ‐Audience (chanting): Caleb! Caleb!

You don't get it. The guy's too perfect.

What I'm saying is, there's stuff you're good at, too.

Yeah, right. You're just saying that.

I'm gonna go ride my bike around the neighborhood

and maybe go to a store and get some more cookies.

‐Just remember, don't talk to strangers. ‐I know!

(door slams)

You shut that door the right way!

(sucks teeth)

(door softly closes)

I'm worried about Dad. This Caleb thing has really got him down.

Per usual, I am five steps ahead of you. Check this out.

Whoa. This says that Caleb is being deployed to...

The Bermuda Triangle?

Yep. I forged a letter from the government.

He'll get stranded, and then be eaten up by giant crabs.

Our problems are as good as over.

But Blair, we need to boost Dad's confidence.

What's the one thing Dad has that Caleb doesn't?

‐Rollerblades. ‐True, but not what I was going for.

Dad has a sense of humor. He's great on the radio.

And that's what we need to remind him of.

If we get him and Caleb on the air at the same time,

it'll be a big win for Dad.

And that's when we strike Caleb.

No, Blair. The plan is done at that point.

We just get them both to the station and let Dad shine.

I'm gonna go talk to Rachel about Caleb promoting his book on the show.

Humiliate Caleb on the air so he'll leave and never come back?

Mu‐hahahahaha!

Rachel: Blair? What did I say about laughing evilly?

Sorry, Mom!

(softly): Mu‐hahahaha!

♪♪

(audience cheering)

♪♪

Okay.

Now it's time for "Operation Make Caleb Look Dumb on the Radio"

so he never comes and stays with us again.

Still workshopping that title.

Owen: Dad, I know you're feeling insecure,

but the radio is your home court!

This is your chance to show Caleb how good you are at this!

I don't know. Maybe.

Hey! Why don't you play with your sound board?

That always cheers you up.

(fart sound on sound board)

(laughing)

See? Fart sounds. You love fart sounds.

Now try pressing this one.

Owen (over sound board): I believe in you, Dad.

You're gonna do great.

I see what you did.

You replaced one of my fart sounds with a message to cheer me up.

That's sweet, but don't mess with my sound board anymore.

Hooah! Time to battle the airwaves. (chuckles)

Thanks for having me on your show, Byron.

Now, I understand your program is a comedic one in nature.

Should I adopt a looser,

more genial and jovial tone while on‐air?

‐Whatever you like. ‐Caleb: Oh, sorry.

We're live, in three, two...

Radio Singers: ♪ Byron and Gator ♪

‐♪ During drive time! ♪ ‐And welcome to the show, everybody!

(chuckles)

I am here today with a dear family friend

and decorated military vet, General Caleb Barnswallow!

Caleb is here to read from his new memoir:

General‐ly Great.

(clears throat)

"My name is Caleb Barnswallow.

"I have a giant stinky butt,

and my favorite food is boogers."

Wait a minute.

My favorite food is a salted, hard‐boiled egg

and a glass of room temperature tap water.

And I believe my butt to be of average size.

Someone's been tampering with this book.

There's tomfoolery afoot!

‐Well‐‐ Well, don't‐‐ ‐(foghorn blares)

‐I knew it! Yay! ‐(audience cheering)

(laughing)

‐(bell dings) ‐Host: Time for the last vote.

What should happen next?

I'm genuinely frightened this time. (laughs)

Director: There's gonna be a new line of dialogue

‐that you're gonna read aloud from the book. ‐Sounds great.

Host: And let's go back to the scene.

Director: Action!

Somebody tampered with my book! There's tomfoolery afoot.

It's a good thing there's a second copy for me to read,

which is on the podium.

Oh, brother. Let‐‐ (laughs)

Let me just put on my reading goggles

and walk over there.

‐No! ‐(squeals, claps)

Nothing‐‐ (chuckles)

‐Nothing good ever happens with goggles. ‐Caleb: No.

‐No. Okay. ‐Byron: You look good. (laughs)

Blair and Owen: You won't look good for long!

(audience laughing)

"My name is Caleb Barnswallow.

‐I am a giant‐‐" ‐(Blair squeals)

‐(gushing) ‐(audience yelling)

‐(bell dings) ‐(audience cheering)

‐That was so much! ‐Byron: Aah!

(laughing)

(audience cheering)

‐(Byron laughing) ‐(Caleb laughing)

Audience (chanting): Caleb! Caleb! Caleb! Caleb!

You know, I‐‐

(Byron yells)

(audience exclaiming)

(audience cheering)

(laughter continues)

‐I've been meaning to get that roof fixed. ‐Caleb: Yes!

(chuckles) Yes.

We don't have to use the booth. We could just have a conversation.

‐Oh‐‐ Okay. ‐Yeah, come on.

‐Hold on. Wait a minute. Some of this is in the way. ‐Yeah, give me some‐‐

Oh!

I love it. I love it, baby. I love it. I love it.

(Rachel, Blair shrieking)

Byron: Yes! Yeah, I'm gonna‐‐ I'm gonna take one with you.

I'm gonna take one with you.

(audience cheering)

Uh, yeah, l‐let's just have a conversation.

‐Okay. ‐(Caleb, Byron laughing)

Uh... (laughs)

Oh, no!

Caleb's freezing up on air.

Blair, you're grounded.

Worth it!

Caleb's mic is experiencing some technical difficulties,

so let me tell you a little about his book.

Uh, it's a griping memoir from a true, modern‐day hero.

‐What'd you do, like, eight tours of duty? ‐Uh, yeah, that's right.

I mean, that's incredible! This man liberated an entire village,

earned a medal for valor,

and is the only man I'd wake up

to do an entirely uphill fun‐run with. (laughs)

As a matter of fact,

I want to give this guy a round of applause.

Owen (over sound board): You don't need all those cookies, Dad.

You're my hero.

Sorry. My kid was in here messing with this thing.

Anyway, it's a great book by an even greater guy.

So let's show some thanks to a man that's done so much for all of us.

Um, we're gonna take a quick break, but before we do,

I wanna leave you with your four o'clock fart sounds!

Owen (over sound board): I feel blessed to be able to call you my dad.

Owen!

‐Dad, you did incredible. ‐Go wait in the car.

What? I was just trying to help.

Three buttons, Owen? These fart sounds put food on the table.

I'm so proud of you, honey.

You really saved Caleb, there. (chuckles)

(Blair giggles)

I gotta thank you, Byron.

I had you pegged as a supreme beta male.

But you really had my back there,

and that shows me who you are.

And you wouldn't have that respect for him

if I hadn't messed with your book.

I guess that's true. So, I owe you thanks, as well.

Blair, you did that for me?

Gotta say, I think you have a pretty special family.

We do, don't we.

What part of "in the car" do you not understand, Owen?

Yeah, Owen!

‐Blair, you're still grounded. ‐Still worth it!

And that's our show!

You guys have been a great crowd!

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

(audience cheering)

(cheering, clapping continues)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

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