Original subtitles

Tobie: Welcome to "Just Roll With It"!

‐(theme song plays) ‐(kids cheering)

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪♪

‐(bell rings) ‐(kids cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

(audience cheering)

‐(bell rings) ‐(cheering continues)

‐Suzi: All right! ‐(cheering)

(all cheering)

Welcome to "Just Roll With It"!

Yeah!

Like a lot of TV shows, we tape in front of a live, studio audience.

‐(audience cheering) ‐Suzi: Yeah!

We tried it with a dead studio audience,

but they did not laugh.

(audience laughs)

What's different about this show is

our audience gets to vote on what happens to us in scenes.

So, when you hear this sound:

(foghorn blares)

The scene will stop. You guys vote,

and we'll have to‐‐

All: "Just Roll With It"!

(audience cheering)

Let's start the show!

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪♪

Last night, I had a nightmare

that I didn't make the varsity basketball team.

My mom says that nightmares are just the universe

telling you exactly what's going to happen.

That doesn't make me feel better.

Ruth, this is serious.

If I'm gonna stand a chance at making varsity,

I need to practice 24/7 until tryouts.

No more sleeping, no more eating.

Just basketball.

Owen, this might cheer you up.

Scientists are fairly certain that we're living in a computerized simulation

designed by an advanced alien species.

That means none of this is really happening.

We're just characters in a giant computer game

and once they pull the plug: (imitates explosions)

It's game over, man.

So just relax, you know?

Yeah, that didn't help me relax.

But, my dad's been on me about the same thing.

He says I work too hard.

He's forcing me to go play laser tag with him this weekend to...

unwind.

Ruth, great news.

The town's oldest ice cream shop is closing on Saturday

and the news is gonna be broadcasting from there live.

You know what that means.

Both: "Drama Sisters"!

We haven't done "Drama Sisters" since we had our falling out.

I know! It's like, once we do "Drama Sisters"

then we're officially friends again!

What's "Drama Sisters"?

It's the best.

Whenever we'd find a reporter who was about to go live,

I'd get them to put me on the air.

Then, once they're interviewing Blair,

I come in, and go full‐on reality show drama.

Something like this: Hi, my name is Marlena from the Hamptons,

and I'm so sad the ice cream store is closing.

How dare you show your face,

after you poisoned my fiance,

and tossed him off our yacht?

You peasant!

You dare lay your hands on Marlena from the Hamptons!

Eat backpack!

‐(Blair grunts) ‐(shattering)

Bitey the Shark!

The school mascot! (grunts)

Oops!

Blair Bennett, you know full well

that the punishment for destroying school property is...

death!

Just kidding.

But you do have to go to the principal's office.

♪♪

That's gonna be it from me and my sidekick, The Gator!

I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend.

I'll be spending it playing laser tag with my son.

Gator, you got anything fun planned?

Well, lately I've been doing a thing where I weigh myself

before and after I go to the bathroom.

Truly vile stuff. And on that note:

Radio singers: ♪ Byron and Gator during drive time ♪

Hey, kids. How was school today?

Fine. Totally uneventful. Nothing really to report.

Blair got detention.

‐Byron/Rachel: What? ‐Been saying it for years.

The girl's a loose cannon.

‐She broke the school mascot. ‐(foghorn blares)

‐(laughing, clapping) ‐(audience cheering)

(laughing)

Host: Okay, audience. You see your choices.

‐ One, two, or three. ‐(bell dings 3 times)

You guys vote on what animal makes an appearance.

Our actors are leaving the stage

so we can prepare.

‐What's about to happen? ‐Hashtag: get messy.

Ha! Hashtag: get messy.

Host: Okay, time is up.

What gon' happen?

‐What gon' happen? ‐Ramon: Time to do what we do.

A person is going to come into the room with a box.

‐You're gonna read what's on the top of the box. ‐Gotcha.

Host: Let's go back to the scene, and meet the animal.

Director: And... action!

She broke the school mascot.

‐Byron: Oh. ‐Rachel: Uh...

‐Oh, gosh. ‐Audience: Oh!

That's not all. She actually got in trouble again after that.

So, they gave her double detention.

The reason she got in trouble the second time

is in this box.

‐That big old box? ‐That big old box.

Go on, Blair. Open the box and pick up what's inside.

And tell them how you got double detention.

Aah.

Okay.

‐Oh, my God! ‐Aah, what is it? Aah!

‐Oh! Ho! ‐I'm gonna barf.

I'm not gonna look. I'm not looking.

‐Oh, I'm about to cry. ‐Oh, rat.

What is it? What is it?

‐Thingy? ‐Woo.

Whoa!

‐Owen: Whoa! ‐All: Whoa!

‐(squeals): Oh! ‐Oh, my gosh.

‐Oh, oh, oh! ‐Whoa.

How did you get detention?

‐Um, so I found him in, in the garden... ‐Okay...

And‐‐ and I... and the...

‐He was trying to eat me. ‐Yeah, he hasn't stopped.

You find a dinosaur in the garden. All right.

You know that's not really a dinosaur, right?

‐No, it's‐‐ it's‐‐ ‐We have to send you guys to a better school.

Can I keep him?

You can keep him if you can spell "iguana."

I...

‐G... ‐No, you can't keep it.

‐We don't want that in our house. ‐Yeah, no.

Rachel, you, you... you kind of look just like him.

‐Ooh! ‐Audience: Ooh!

‐Byron: Ooh! ‐Blair: You want to hold him?

Oh, my gosh, no! Geez La‐guise!

Owen: Oh, my gosh!

Uh, he's beautiful!

He's very beautiful in his own way!

He's beauti‐‐ Oh, my gosh!

I'll take that as a compliment.

You have a purse that looks just like him.

‐Rachel: Don't‐‐ ‐I‐‐ I swear I saw it in your closet today.

Don't let him hear that.

Okay. Ooh‐kay.

Put the lizard away.

‐Put‐‐ Put the top on. Put the top on! ‐Pa‐doo!

Bye‐bye, dinosaur!

(cheering)

As disgusting as that was, it was kind of cute.

Well, it‐it may have been cute,

but you are still in trouble.

This is your fifth detention this year.

Actually, it's number eight.

Sorry. I think I have an addiction to snitching.

All right. You know the drill. You're grounded for a week.

What? I'm supposed to be Marlena from the Hamptons

and poison Ruth's fiance

so she can fight me during "Drama Sisters."

That way we can officially be friends again.

I don't know what anything you just said means,

but you are definitely not doing it.

Mom, you're so unfair!

Blair, don't talk to your mother that way.

You just ruined her weekend.

Now she has to stay at home with you.

Whoa. Won't be both be staying home with her?

But Owen and I are going to laser tag.

It's okay. I don't really want to go.

No, you need to relax. And you're going to relax,

even if I have to hold you down and force you to.

I can take Owen. I love laser tag.

It's strategy and marksmanship.

I was in the military. Do you know how many people I've taken out?

At laser tag?

Look, Rachel, you're just more of the disciplinarian type,

and I'm more fun.

Oh, no, he didn't.

The show's over. Don't you have anywhere to go?

My mom doesn't pick me up until 4:00.

Look, Byron, I am tired of being the bad guy,

while you get to be "Fun Dad."

Trust me, I try to be less fun, but I can't.

It's my curse.

I'm too fun.

Please. I could really use your help

with this whole parenting thing.

Okay. You're right.

Blair, I'm gonna stay at home with you,

and Rachel's gonna go to laser tag with Owen.

Thank you, honey.

Yes! Laser tag!

Oh! Looks like I gotta go weigh myself again.

Sorry you won't get to do your "Drama Sisters" reunion.

Oh. With Byron in charge, I'll find a way.

So help me, I will find a way.

Uh‐oh. I was feeling sorry for you,

but now I'm just scared for my dad.

You're about to play laser tag with my mom.

You should be scared for yourself.

(audience cheering)

Yeah!

‐We got‐‐ ‐We just held an iguana.

Not a lot of people can say that.

♪♪

Is the news already at the mall?

Yeah. They're going live at 2:00.

Do you still think you're gonna make it?

Don't worry. Byron's not good at being the bad guy.

He's more like a friend than a parent.

I'll just set my phasers to manipulate,

and be at the mall in no time.

See you soon, dah‐ling.

'Sup, Gator? Whatcha doing here?

My mom kicked me out of the house,

'cause she's got her monthly poker game.

Probably for the best.

Those birds always get a little hands‐y.

Hey, hey, hey!

You know you're not supposed to be watching that.

It's right here on your mom's list.

No TV, no Internet, no fidget spinning.

How old is this list?

Oh, man. Why do I have to be punished for what she did?

The school can't give me detention. I'm a grown boy.

This Tuesday, I'll be 37 and a half.

Bruh, Rachel's trusting me to make sure Blair doesn't have fun.

And I totally accept my punishment.

I'm prepared to have a no‐fun day.

Buuuuut?

But, I just need to meet up with Ruth real quick.

It won't take long.

So, you think you could do me a solid? Please?

No, Blair. Your mom put me in charge.

Come on! We're like friends.

We are friends.

And as friends, we're all gonna sit here,

and do absolutely nothing.

(huffs)

Oh, this so boring!

This day was supposed to be awesome!

Laser tag, the new "Diesel Team" movie,

the botanical gardens!

Hold up. The new "Diesel Team" movie's out?

"Diesel Team"? Huh.

You like those movies?

Like? I love 'em.

But that's not what this day is about.

Good. I hate "Diesel Team."

If you really want to punish me,

make me sit through one of those dumb movies.

I don't see anything on this list

about not taking her to the movies.

Yeah, but I don't think Rachel would be cool with that.

But Mom left you in charge of punishing me.

And if the kid hates the movie,

sounds like a Byron‐type punishment to me.

That does sound like a Byron‐type punishment. (laughs)

It's playing at the mall at 1:30.

Oh, no. Not the mall!

See! The little criminal hates the mall!

(chuckles) Then it's decided.

Blair gets "Diesel Team" detention!

This is gonna be the most horrible day ever.

(Gator/Byron imitating engines revving)

(gruff voice): Move outta my way!

Hey, Owen. Look what I entered my name as.

"Dogbarf"?

Pretty fun, right? See, I'm fun!

"Dogbarf"!

I'm sorry if my heart's not in this, Rachel.

I'd rather be practicing basketball,

but Dad made me come here to relax.

Yeah, but people who relax don't get on varsity.

Forget Byron.

I'm gonna show you how laser tag

can make you better at basketball.

Say what, now?

Think about it. The skills you hone in combat

are the same you need to succeed at sports.

Teamwork. Defense.

The will to destroy your enemies.

Rachel, I think I'm starting to relax!

These suckers aren't gonna know what him 'em.

Let's practice some basketball.

See the kid with the ears?

I think he's their weak spot.

When the buzzer sounds, we tune up that little pip‐squeak.

(fast music, engines revving on movie screen)

See, Byron? Isn't this a great compromise?

I'm having a terrible time.

Excuse me, sir, but you can't bring food into the movie theater.

Oh, no, I‐‐ I bought this here.

That's an entire roasted chicken, a two‐liter of soda, and‐‐

Is that a can of baked beans?

Yeah, it's the chicken and beans combo.

Ruth, try to stall the camera crew. I'll be there in five.

‐Byron, I gotta run to the bathroom. ‐Okay.

But don't go anywhere else.

Remember, this is a punishment.

You're gonna suffer through every second of it.

Joke's on the usher.

I got my pockets crammed full of food.

You want some pocket beans?

(explosion on movie screen)

‐Rachel: Whoa! ‐(Owen laughing)

That was amazing when you took out that whole nest of snipers.

Aw, you got some great moves, yourself.

Like when you took that dork's laser away?

And you lasered him in the chest with his own laser?

That was hilarious!

Excuse me.

We've had several complaints.

You guys are ruining the game. Creating a hostile environment.

War is a hostile environment.

Check the scoreboard. We're number one!

Both: We're number one! We're number one!

‐We're number one! ‐Listen, Dogfart‐‐

Ah, that's Dogbarf.

Major Dogbarf, to you.

‐(foghorn sounds) ‐(laughing, clapping)

(audience cheering)

Host: Okay, audience.

You choose what happens to Owen and Rachel.

Lock in your vote.

‐They're deciding our fate as we speak. ‐Yes.

‐I heard some "oohs." That's not good. ‐(laughing)

‐It's... ‐about...

‐to... ‐go...

down.

Host: Votes are in. Let's see what you chose

for Owen and Rachel.

Here we go, baby.

Director: And...

Oh, that's Dogbarf.

Major Dogbarf to you.

Major Dogbarf, you're gonna have to leave.

‐(laughs) ‐And to make you do,

I'm gonna have Officer Stubbins

‐escort you out. ‐(bell dinging)

Audience: Ooh!

Officer St‐‐ Oh, my‐‐

Clear the perimeter. Clear the perimeter.

‐You clear the perimeter. ‐Yeah.

(chuckles)

Mrs. Dogbarf, I know who you are.

And your reign of power ends now.

My reign of power is just getting started,

Officer What's‐Your‐Face...

‐Stubbings. ‐I'm not leaving your side.

‐Excuse me? ‐Oh, what? (laughs)

Can you tell I forgot to wear deodorant today?

‐(chuckles) ‐Oh! All right.

Audience: Oh!

Go, Stubbins. Get 'em out of here!

All right. Ladies first.

Go ahead. You, too.

(audience cheering)

This dude's gonna be cuffed to me for two whole scenes, now.

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

I can't believe Blair ditched us.

I checked all the other theaters but can't find her anywhere.

Well, she's definitely not in the women's bathroom.

The only people in there are a bunch of screaming, angry ladies.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

A somber day here at the mall.

I'm here for the closing of "Ice Cream Abdul‐Jabbar"

with Marlena from the Hamptons,

who's been dining here since she was...

zero.

‐Marlena, you have some nerve‐‐ ‐Byron: Blair.

Byron, I can explain.

Explain what?

How I tried to be nice and you totally took advantage of me?

And we missed the end of "Diesel Team." Way to go, Claire!

My name's Blair.

Blair, you said we were friends.

But that's not how friends treat each other.

Byron, I'm sorry.

You are in big trouble.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Pump the brakes, turbo.

Byron? Blair?

Uh‐oh. Now we're both in big trouble.

Okay, when I left home,

you guys were both supposed to be there,

and now you're at the mall, so you want to explain to me

why you're here when you're grounded?

Why are you handcuffed to this dude?

Oh, don't change the subject.

This is not important. What is important

is that Blair is grounded, and you're at the mall.

I took her to a movie to punish her,

and now that I'm saying it out loud,

‐I realize that was a terrible idea. ‐Ha.

Byron, I don't even know what to say to you right now.

Mom, this is all my fault.

Don't be mad at Byron. He was trying to do the right thing.

Byron, I really do think of you as a friend.

But, you're right.

I didn't treat you like one. And I'm sorry.

Well, I think I realize I can't always be your friend.

Sometimes I have to be your parent. And Rachel,

all this time I thought you being so uncool was uncool.

Turns out, it's pretty cool to not be cool.

I mean, not cool in like, an actually cool way. But cool in like,

"Hey, you know you can rent DVDs from the library?"

"Oh, that's cool!" Kind of way.

What did you just say?

I'm just saying, I finally understand

why you're so mean to the kids.

Come here. Thank you.

That's him!

That's the kid who took my laser away

and lasered me with my own laser!

He goes to my school.

‐Hey, what's going on? ‐Nothing.

Just a little misunderstanding.

Rachel and I got banned from the mall.

‐Owen! ‐What? I'm a snitch!

And a snitch gotta snitch.

Look, I might not be the best person

to help Owen learn how to relax.

I‐I think we're a little too alike.

So, that's what's going on down here, Jim.

"Ice Cream Abdul‐Jabbar" shutting its doors after 25 years,

and some weird family is having a very public

heart‐to‐heart moment while being kicked out of the mall.

I guess.

(action music on movie screen)

Thanks for letting me finish "Diesel Team 7," everybody.

Well, it seems smart to lay low for an hour or so

till the real security stops looking for us at the exits.

Hey!

By the way, thanks to all the drama from you guys,

I didn't think about basketball for like, 30 minutes back there.

All: "Drama Family"!

Now, let me catch you guys up to speed. In the last‐‐

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(laughter)

(audience cheering)

We're still cuffed!

‐(bell dings) ‐Host: Okay, this is the last vote.

What kind of movie are they going to see?

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

‐We're in this together, whether you like it or not. ‐We are.

I want to get messy. I want all of us to get messy.

We're gonna start. Let me catch you up to speed.

Host: And let's go back to the scene.

Director: And, action!

Now, let me catch you guys up to speed.

In the last movie, Rick Diesel...

We have bad news.

Our film caught on fire, so "Diesel Team 7" will not be shown tonight.

Instead, we will be showing the scary movie

"The Demon, the Witch, and the Cabin in the Woods."

‐(bell dings) ‐(audience cheering)

The good news is that this film

will be shown in our new, innovative,

4‐D Sense‐O‐Rama.

Enjoy your movie. Put your goggles on.

‐It's all part of the movie experience. ‐Yay!

I didn't know you guys did this. I'm excited.

(audience laughing)

Guys, I have a bad feeling about this movie.

Me, too.

Male actor: I'm sorry, Jenny.

I forgot about that demon

that's been haunting us.

Female actor: Oh, no. The only way for us to hide

is to cover ourselves in this mud.

(Blair shrieks)

‐Male actor: Good idea. ‐Oh!

(audience groaning)

I'm gonna do‐‐ I'm gonna do a fly.

Do a little wiper.

Female actor: Oh, no. I think the demon's coming.

I can't see him, but I sure can smell him!

Male actor: Oh, that's horrible!

No. No, no, no.

(screaming): No! What is that?

‐It's... ‐Are those dirty socks?

‐Woo‐hoo‐hoo! That stinks! ‐(audience laughing)

Male actor: Quiet.

He's right behind us.

‐(scary music playing) ‐I can feel his demonic drool

on the back of my neck.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Audience: Oh!

‐(Byron chuckles) ‐Owen: Whoa, no. My gosh!

Demon drool is surprisingly cold.

‐It's going down my shirt. ‐Owen: Yeah.

Female actress: Oh, no. The demon's about to throw up on us!

‐Audience: No! ‐No! Why would he?

Both actors: Oh, no! He's throwing up on us!

‐(sloshing) ‐(Byron yells)

Ew!

‐Ooh! ‐Why is it always pea soup?

‐(Owen yells) ‐Oh, that stinks! (laughing)

Ooh, I'm about to barf on the demon.

Both actors: Oh, no. It's happening all at once!

‐Why? No! ‐Aah!

‐Audience: Oh! ‐No!

‐Aah! That thing stinks! ‐Aah!

‐Byron: Oh! (laughing) ‐What is that?

‐(yelling) ‐(audience laughing)

‐(Byron yelling) ‐(audience clapping)

There they are, right there.

Aah! Scatter! Everyone meet at the car!

‐(Byron grunting) ‐Owen: Oh! Oh! Aah!

And that's our show!

‐You guys have been a great crowd! ‐(audience cheering

‐♪♪ ‐Tobie: Woo!

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

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