Original subtitles

Tobie: Welcome to "Just Roll With It!"

(upbeat theme song plays)

(kids cheering, screaming)

♪ ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ ♪

It's about to go down!

‐(bell ringing) ‐(kids cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

Byron (yelling): Whoa! Yeah!

‐Whoo! ‐(clapping, cheering)

Hey!

Hey, everybody!

Welcome to "Just Roll With It!"

(all cheering)

This show is taped in front of a live studio audience.

‐You guys! ‐(cheering)

But here's where things are different.

You guys get to vote on what happens in each scene.

You've all been given remotes. Let's see everybody's remote.

‐Audience member: Woo! ‐Suzi: Nice. Thank you for the woo, yes.

Great.

‐Ramon: Yeah. ‐Now at some points during the show,

you'll hear this sound.

(fog horn blaring)

And when you hear that, three options will appear on your screen.

(bell dings 3 times)

And you'll get to vote to decide what happens to us.

Go on. Vote!

Tobie: Now, we can't see what's on the screens right now,

so we have no idea what you're voting on.

And we also have no idea when in the scene it's going to happen.

But your votes will be instantly tallied.

And whatever you choose, we'll have to...

All: "Just Roll With It!"

(audience cheering)

‐(bell dinging) ‐(ping‐pong balls pattering)

(Ramon laughing)

All right. Are you guys excited?

‐(audience cheering) ‐Tobie: Let's start the show.

(cheering continues)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ ♪

(Owen grunting)

(grunting)

‐(grunts) ‐(box clatters)

What are you doing?

I'm cataloging Dad's old radio props

and getting a killer workout. I call them "chore squats."

Think you can go squat somewhere else?

No can do. I gotta keep this booty lookin' good.

Searching. How to make your brain forget the last 30 seconds forever.

At least I'm working. You're supposed to be taking out the garbage.

‐I'm on it. ‐Blair, let your big brother give you some life advice

‐on the things that‐‐ ‐"A," you're my stepbrother.

"B," you don't have a life.

And "C," I don't need a "C" 'cause "B" was a pretty sick burn.

How about "D," take out the trash.

Fine, I'm doing it.

(trash clattering)

(glass shatters)

Blair, you can't just slap stamps

on a bag of garbage and mail it.

Okay. Then you tell me what just happened.

(laughing) If you're just tuning in with us,

we are speaking with one of our favorite guests:

Miss California, whose name is...

(inaudible)

Miss California!

Miss California: Yes, Byron, I'm here to answer questions

about my new school program.

Right.

The program that will...

get the kids... to...

Eat bananas.

Miss California: Well, yes. It provides healthy lunches

to children across the state.

Ah, yes, an appealing issue that is ripe for our times.

I'm sure the students will appreciate the fruits of your labor.

We'll be right back with this guest after these messages.

Singers (on radio): ♪ Byron and Gator in the morning ♪

Boom! That was like, three fruit puns in two sentences.

That has to be a record.

Sweetie, you forgot to hype the backstage passes to Beyonce

we're giving away next month.

Sorry, but The Gator overslept. Without a co‐host,

this morning's been bananas. (laughs)

Stop doing fruit puns.

Look, those tickets equal ratings,

and as your general manager, let me remind you

that nothing is more important

than winning the monthly radio ratings.

Nothing? What about our children?

The children are a close second.

‐I'm gonna get that stitched on a pillow. ‐You're not funny.

I'm a little funny. That's why you married me.

No, that's why I hired you.

I married you so I'd have one DJ

I didn't have to pay as much as the others.

Wait! How much are you paying The Gator?

‐Blair, have you finished your homework? ‐Nope.

‐And why not? ‐Because I'm watching videos

of circus clowns getting attacked by animals.

Blair, I don't want you watching videos of people getting hurt.

They're not people, Mom. They're clowns.

‐Blair, as your older brother‐‐ ‐You're only one week older than me.

Yeah, but I skipped a grade,

so even though I have the body of a sixth grader,

I have the mind of a seventh grader.

No, you don't.

You're right. What sixth grader has washboard abs,

and can open a soda bottle just by flexing his butt muscles?

(spits)

Please tell me that's not how you opened this.

Ask yourself, have I ever offered you a soda with the cap on?

Ahem.

Ta‐da!

What is that?

It's my career day presentation to your class.

I made a photo collage

chronicling my journey from 20 years in the military

to being the manager of BEATZ 101.

Mom, I need "wow" factor.

Last year, Becky Sparx's mom

brought free frozen yogurt for the entire class!

I need to beat Becky Sparx and win career day!

I don't think career day is a competition.

Both: Everything's a competition!

The Gator is still not here, and I need a psychic for the next segment now.

Dad, I can't be on the radio!

I have no formal radio training.

I hate to break it to you, but deep down,

I'm not the cool, calm, collected guy you think I am.

My ears are ringing. There's a tightness in my chest.

My life is flashing before my eyes.

Your wedding was beautiful, by the way.

Relax, buddy. Nobody's forcing you on the air.

Thanks. Last time Dad put me on the radio,

I froze up and started stress crying.

Took me a year to lose the nickname "Lil Wah Wah."

‐I'll go on the air. ‐Great! Come on.

‐So, what are we doing? ‐Oh.

(fog horn sounds)

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

Host: Okay, audience.

You see your choices: one, two, or three.

You guys vote on what you want to have happen next.

Our actors are leaving the stage so we can prepare your choice.

Lock in your vote.

First one just happened.

‐We're ready. Let's go. ‐We're ready.

Okay, you gotta see the handshake and everything.

‐Host: Okay, that's it. Votes are in. ‐(bell rings)

Let's go back to the scene.

Director: And, action.

‐So, what are we doing? ‐Oh, you're gonna love this.

These are the Beyonce tickets I forgot to‐‐ Hey.

(laughs)

Thank you.

Let's check this out.

As you know, on Thursdays we play

‐"Breakfast Barf Bonanza." ‐(bell dings 3 times)

This is a game where my daughter

will make the grossest meal she can,

and I have to actually eat it.

The ingredients are on this tray right here.

(audience cheering)

Blair: We have mayonnaise, lima beans,

uh, we have jalapeno peppers.

‐What is that? ‐Gefilte fish.

Oysters, and crispy grasshoppers.

Byron: Okay, you gotta make it.

You're gonna make this. Let's go, let's go with it.

‐Byron: Lima beans. ‐Mm‐hmm.

‐Is that ma‐‐ Is that mayo? ‐Yep!

Byron: Oh, that's mayo! Aah! Ha ha!

‐Grasshoppers look good. ‐Grasshoppers.

Ooh, some fish.

Oh, how about some oysters? That looks yummy!

Yes!

Aah, yeah. Ooh!

Make it spicy.

Oh! (laughs)

I actually had a grasshopper burrito yesterday, so...

Yeah, well, you're gonna have another one today.

Sorry.

Not sorry.

Great.

Anything for my listeners, baby.

‐Oh! ‐Audience: Ew!

Audience: Oh!

(laughing)

Low key, this is kinda good.

The oyster sets it off a little bit in the back of my throat, but...

‐It's kind of good. ‐(phone rings)

Hold on, let's take a caller.

(laughs)

‐Caller on phone: Hey, Byron. ‐Hello!

Caller: I'm‐‐ I'm loving this game,

but it seems really unfair that the, uh...

little girl doesn't have to eat something.

Audience: Oh!

Caller: I think it's time you made something delicious for her.

(audience cheering)

Where did she come from?

(Blair laughing)

Blair (pleading): Oh, please!

Byron: See what we got here. Okay.

Baked beans. Diced onions.

‐Well, okay. ‐Gummy worms.

(laughing)

Hot dog juice. Ugh. And...

sardines.

(retching noise)

I told you to be nice. So now, you're gonna pay.

Oh, really? Seriously?

Byron: I'm gonna help you out a little bit with this.

Oh! Ha, ha!

The vanilla ice cream and sardines is gonna go well together.

Go eat. Go eat.

Here it goes.

(audience laughing)

‐(Byron laughing) ‐(audience cheering)

Caller: Hey, Byron. Byron, I'm still on the line.

Oh, you're still on the line. Oh, hey!

Caller: Yeah. You know what? You can't end the segment

without singing the "Breakfast Barf Bonanza" jingle.

The breakfast‐‐ Oh, yeah!

‐ Yeah, you guys gotta sing that jingle. ‐I love that song.

Okay.

‐♪ Breakfast bonanza ♪ ‐♪ Breakfast, uh, bonanza ♪

‐Byron: ♪ Breakfast barf bonanza ♪ ‐Blair: ♪ Banana ♪

‐♪ We got grasshoppers ♪ ‐♪ Woo, yeah, grasshoppers ♪

‐♪ Fish and juice ♪ ‐♪ Fish and juice ♪

‐♪ And when we in it we love you ♪ ‐♪ And when we... ♪

‐♪ We don't make it do what it do ♪ ‐♪ We don't make it ♪

♪ Do what it do ♪

(audience cheering)

‐And we're out. ‐(clicks button)

That's, uh...

That was great!

We're out. Uh, ah, great job.

By the way, sorry I upstaged you.

Don't be. I can't believe you got on the mic and didn't start stress crying.

Come on.

‐Never give me sardines again! ‐(Byron laughs)

(imitating Byron): I can't believe you got on the mic

and didn't start stress crying.

Do I sense a little jealousy?

Why? Because my little step‐sister is becoming

my father's favorite kid?

Owen, we have no favorites.

I knew it! Dad married you just to get to Blair.

He knew she'd be a great co‐host,

so he concocted this whole sham marriage just to get her on board.

It never made sense. He's a freewheeling maniac,

and you're a by‐the‐books army lady.

Next thing you know, Blair's living on Easy Street,

while I'm shipped off to Antarctica to boarding school.

Our school bus hits a snow drift,

I get attacked by a polar bear,

‐and all they ever find of me is my tennis shoes. ‐Owen!

You're doing that thing that got us kicked off that airplane again.

Look, just because your father and Blair have similar interests

doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

Nobody's replacing anybody.

Mom, you don't have to come to Career Day anymore.

‐I asked Byron instead. ‐Both: What?

I was right!

(techno music plays)

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

‐Found some old pictures. ‐Yeah, what's with the Byron shrine?

Oh, I'm just putting out some photos

of all the good times Dad and I have had.

Just to remind him that... I'm his son.

Check this out. It's Dad and me riding bikes when I was five years old.

Those training wheels are so adorable.

Yeah. Dad's never been good at riding bikes.

That's right, Conner2007, I am on your team,

but I got you anyway.

What are you gonna do about it, you little punk?

Your mom's been playing that video game for, like, four hours.

Yeah. That's what she does when she's made at me.

Gotta say, picking my dad over your mom for Career Day

might be what's making your mom upset.

Maybe you should talk to her about it.

Mom and I are not so good at talking about...

Feelings?

Bingo.

We have other ways of dealing with our emotions.

Aha! I got a tank now, you little twerps!

Eat! Tank!

Anyway, I'm gonna go take this garbage out to the mailbox.

(lasers firing on video game)

Hey. (chuckles)

Rachel.

Seems like you're just attacking your own teammates.

I'm teaching them a valuable lesson, Owen.

You can never trust anybody.

Including your own daughter.

Do I sense a little jealousy

that Blair picked my dad over you?

Maybe a little bit.

Look, I know the most important thing is for my little girl to...

crush all the other little girls in her class. I...

I just wish she wanted to crush them with me.

Here. Put these on.

A little workout always helps me relieve tension.

I'm mean, I'm glad she gets along with her new step‐dad, but...

I don't want to suddenly be the not‐fun parent.

Don't be silly, Rachel. It wasn't sudden.

According to Blair, you've always been not fun.

What? You see?

I'm tired of everyone seeing me as some sort of buzzkill

who just nags everyone all the time.

And I'm also tired of Byron

not hyping the Beyonce tickets enough,

no matter how many times I nag him about it.

I know! Those tickets equal ratings!

‐Exactly! You get it. ‐Ow.

‐I get it. ‐Ow.

‐Why doesn't anyone else get it? ‐Ow.

‐I'm cool. I'm fun! ‐Ow. Ow.

I know how to dab.

♪ Dabbin' on my haters ♪

‐Rachel? ‐Mm?

Please promise me you'll never do that again.

Sorry.

But, you know, I think I'm realizing this...

Career Day thing is bothering me more than I thought it was.

Maybe I actually do need to talk to Blair about, um...

about how I, um...

‐How I... ‐Feel?

‐Yes. That thing. ‐Byron: Hey, guys.

Found one of my old radio props

while I was hunting for stuff for Blair's Career Day.

Isn't it awesome?

It's a catapult. The Gator and I used this

last Thanksgiving to play Frozen Turkey Dodgeball.

I thought I told you to throw this thing away.

You did, but funny story:

I didn't.

Well, I really don't think

this is a good idea for career day.

I know you don't.

Which is how I know it's going to be awesome.

What is that supposed to mean?

Blair, I think you should listen to your mom here.

She's the responsible parent.

What is that supposed to mean?

‐It's a fact! You're irresponsible. ‐Rachel: It is a fact.

‐(all arguing) ‐Guys!

Guys! Aah, everybody relax!

‐It's going to be safe. ‐(catapult clatters)

‐(Byron yells) ‐(ceiling crumbling)

‐Oops! ‐Just great, Blair.

Now there's a giant hole in our roof.

We're exposed to the elements.

Lightning could strike us.

Raccoons could crawl in and bite us.

Our plants could get too much sun!

‐(foghorn blows) ‐Oh, gosh!

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

‐Be nice! Be nice! ‐Be nice!

Don't make me eat oysters!

Host: Okay, audience. Our actors have left the stage.

Here are your three choices. It's time to lock in your vote.

Just roll with it!

Ramon: Man, I want to see what's gonna happen to me.

‐Tobie: Let's do this! ‐(bell rings)

Host: Okay, votes are in. Now, back to the scene.

Director: And, action!

Just great, Blair. Now there's a giant hole in our roof.

We're exposed to the elements. Lightning could strike us.

Raccoons could crawl in and bite us.

Our plants could get too much sun!

Owen, raccoons coming through the roof would be ridiculous.

(man screaming)

‐(thudding) ‐(Blair shrieks)

‐(audience laughing) ‐(man grunting)

‐Ho! ‐(bell dinging)

Ho!

‐Owen: Are you okay, dude? ‐(Byron laughing)

Heh. I'm the roofer, by the way.

Good news is, I cleared out all your gutters.

Bad news is, I think I found a hole in your roof.

‐Yeah. ‐Byron: Thank you.

‐Thank you. ‐Uh, yeah, thank you for that.

Oh, but, uh... I should mention, uh...

I think the reason that your gutters are all messed up is because I, uh,

I saw a big old bunch of birds build a nest up there.

Just so you know.

‐(splattering) ‐(audience laughs)

(bell dings 3 times)

Owen, that's supposed to be good luck.

It doesn't taste like it.

Well, great. Just great.

Now I've got to move all my pictures so they don't get messed up.

You see, Blair? You see how your actions affect other people?

‐(liquid pouring) ‐(Owen sobbing)

I'm lucky today!

(audience laughing)

That is a big hole.

‐(splattering) ‐(audience laughing)

That is a big bird.

(audience laughing)

Uh, I think Mom is right, Blair. No catapult.

We'll have to think of something else.

Thank you. Getting this "dumbest idea ever" outta here.

That's not true.

I've had a ton more dumber ideas than this.

So, Blair...

Blairski. My daughter. (laughs)

Maybe you and I should have a little... talk.

‐Oh, boy. ‐N‐‐ I know. I know. I don't like it, either.

So, I realize that not going to Career Day has made me...

You know.

‐What? ‐Well...

It's sort of...

Y‐‐

When you... It‐‐ It didn't...

Never mind.

‐Cool. ‐Good talk.

♪ ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

Mrs. Sparx: And that's my presentation.

Now, "froyo" hands up and enjoy your free yogurt!

(kids cheering)

‐Well, this is awkward. ‐Why?

These used to be my classmates before I skipped a grade.

Did I mention I skipped a grade?

‐Two seconds ago. ‐Mom, you came.

'Course. Everyone needs reinforcements.

How are the presentations going?

Not great. Everyone loses their mind over free froyo.

Can I get cookie crumbles and sprinkles on mine?

Of course.

Becky Sparx is a legend!

(class clapping, cheering)

Okay, class. Our next presentation will be from Blair

and her step‐father. Fun!

‐Rachel: Yay! ‐(class cheers)

When my mom started dating again,

I was afraid she was going to marry

some dweeby, gangly nerdo.

Huh. Nope. But it wasn't for a lack of trying.

(laughs)

But I lucked out. Because my new step‐dad is awesome.

You probably know him from all the crazy stunts he does

as the morning DJ on BEATZ 101:

‐Byron Blatt! ‐(class applauding)

How would you guys like to be part of a live

radio broadcast?

(class cheering)

We're going live in five, four, three, two...

Singers (on radio): ♪ Byron and Blair in the classroom ♪

Good morning, everybody out there in radio land.

I'm coming to you live from my step‐daughter's classroom.

Isn't that right, kids?

(class cheering)

Maybe we were wrong. Maybe this won't be a disaster.

Blair, tell our listeners what we have planned.

We're going to break the world record

for office chair revolutions propelled by a leaf blower.

(class cheering)

Scratch that. Here comes the disaster.

Okay. Now, so I'm gonna turn this leaf blower

all the way up to five.

Yeah, five seems like a mistake.

You're right. Five does seem like a mistake.

'Cause this sucker goes all the way up to ten.

Let's do ten!

Class (chanting): Let's do ten!

Audience (chanting): Let's do ten! Let's do ten!

All right. Here we go. Blair.

Tell our listeners what's happening.

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(audience cheers)

♪ ♪

(bell dings 3 times)

Host: Okay, everyone. It's that time again.

Vote for your choice.

Heading back, guys. What do you have planned for us?

Something's gonna happen to Rachel or Byron

because nothing's happened to Rachel. I'm paranoid now.

‐Where are we going from? ‐Man: We're gonna start from

‐your line. ‐All right, here we go.

‐(bell rings) ‐Host: And now back to the scene.

Director: And, action!

Here we go, now. Blair, tell our listeners what's happening.

‐(whirring) ‐This one's for the history books.

He's going around. He's going around again.

I'm not sure what else to say here,

because he just keeps going around.

‐And again. ‐Whoa!

‐(crashing) ‐(clattering)

‐(spraying) ‐(class screaming)

‐(bell dings 3 times) ‐(audience laughing, screaming)

Byron: I'll save you!

My daughter!

(screaming continues)

‐I'll save you! ‐(Owen laughing)

I am so sorry.

(Owen laughing)

Please do not blame Blair. This is all my fault.

I just got so caught up with trying to entertain you and your amazing class.

No one's on the mic. This is dead air.

Someone has to do something. The show must go on.

Uh, hello, everyone. My name's Owen.

But you listeners may know me as "Lil Wah Wah."

We‐we may not have broken the record today,

but everyone in this classroom was part of an event

that they'll remember their entire lives.

"Lil Wah Wah" out!

We'll remember it because it was a disaster!

Well, would it make up for that disaster if everyone here

got backstage passes to the Beyonce concert next month?

(class cheering)

Excuse me. (laughs)

Owen, I don't have those tickets with me.

Yes, you do, because I put 'em in your purse this morning.

Oh. So you did.

Well, I see why you skipped sixth grade.

What do you say, Rachel?

Well...

I am the fun mom.

So, um...

Everyone's going to Beyonce.

(class cheering)

I can't believe it. I'm gonna meet Queen Bey!

Mom, I can't believe you did that for me.

You needed those tickets to win the monthly radio ratings.

Yeah, well...

you know, some things are a little more important than winning.

(laughs)

Wow, Mom. That's surprisingly un‐Mom of you.

Thank you, Blair. I'm trying.

Thank you so much for these tickets.

You have no idea what a terrible month I've been having.

Someone keeps mailing garbage to my house.

♪ ♪

(audience cheering)

‐(crickets chirping) ‐(door opens)

I have a feeling we'll be talking about that presentation

for years to come.

Yeah, in court.

Who cares? We trashed the dump,

and then sent everyone to meet Beyonce.

You were right, Mom. That was so much better than the catapult.

Speaking of which, Dad,

I thought you were gonna get that roof hole fixed.

I'm working on it.

I called the construction company

to come and take a look at the hole while we were out.

(phone rings)

Oh, that's them.

‐(foghorn blasts) ‐Aw, really?

(audience cheers)

Have you not had enough?

‐Host: Okay, this is the last vote. ‐(bell dings 3 times)

Host: Make it count. Lock in your choices.

So, whatever happens in this one,

when you finally get to your group hug,

as carefully as possible,

exit the set the way you came,

and go on up in the audience and say hi to everybody.

Host: And let's go back to the scene.

Director: And, action!

I called the construction company

to come and take a look at the hole while we were out.

(phone rings)

‐Rachel: Oh! ‐Oh, that's them. Hello?

Man (on phone): Hey, Byron, this is the, uh, construction company.

We got some bad news.

We made a mistake and accidentally scheduled your home to be demolished.

Uh, we tried to contact our guy and tell him he had the wrong house,

but we haven't heard back from him yet, so...

‐(exploding) ‐Audience: Ooh!

(bell rings 3 times)

‐(creaking) ‐(Blair screaming)

(audience laughing)

Oh, my gosh! Our house!

‐Remember when you told me I had to get insurance? ‐Rachel: It's all right.

Funny story: I didn't.

Byron: Uh...

Why do I think this is the perfect time to tell you,

I've been thinking we should move.

Blair!

Owen, I just want to tell you how proud I am of you.

When you got on that mic today, you were fearless.

And you saved my presentation!

What can I say? I gotta look out for you, Blair.

After all, I am your older step‐brother.

Blair: Oh, gosh. Oh!

‐It's easier just to say "brother." ‐(Byron yells)

Come on, everybody. Bennett‐Blatt family hug!

(audience laughing, cheering)

Thank you guys, so much! That's our show!

You have been a great audience!

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ ♪

(audience cheering)

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na na ♪

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