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Oi, Krish, Lee get out the fucking car geez,

my boss is gonna be back in a minute.

- See you, baby. - Hands off the motor.

- How are you doin'? - Sir.

- You alright? - Yes, very well.

The SLK ready to pick up?

Bruv, ain't that Josh that dick from high school?

Didn't he bully the shit out of us?

He stole my lunch money.

Krish, yeah?

Krish and Lee from Claremont?

- No. - Yeah.

You guys crack me up.

You haven't changed one bit.

Look at ya, eh?

Like a little double act.

You've changed.

What's happened?

You're like super cool now.

Nah I wouldn't say super cool, more just cool.

So what do you do?

I run my own business now, boys.

I sell spare parts for satellites.

Business is good, then?

Yeah very good, very good.

My other car in Ferrari is getting a bit wet at the moment.

That's why I'm here, actually.

I need a little town car, a little runaround.

It's between me and you, I can't stand rentals.

Listen, where's my manners?

What you guys doin', eh?

Sales.

Yeah, executive sales.

Nice, sweet.

Well listen, look I am in town for the next couple of weeks

so if you wanna catch up, gimme a call.

Whoa, who's that?

Oh this little ball and chain.

She put the photo in there,

but you know how these girls are.

I have to be center of attention for everything, eh?

Yeah, I'm beatin' 'em off with a stick.

In fact, I've got to get back to a feisty Russian sort now.

Good to see you, man.

Feisty Russian?

Roxanna is Russian.

Roxanna's our boss and she hates you.

Fuckin' Josh, how did a dick like that get in my life?

Jesus, my brother's useless.

I can't believe I share DNA with the guy.

My brother's just as bad.

Told him five times about gran's 70th, he still forgot.

Well he never replied to any of my texts,

he's never returned any of my calls.

Hang on, I got a message for him from gran.

Yeah?

Dickhead.

Dude, your brother's a fucking dick.

So is yours!

One,

two,

three,

four.

Come on!

Come on baby, please come on.

I told you to fix your car, start the car!

Bruv, you always do this.

You're not meant to park here.

I don't see any signs.

It says reserved for directors.

What?

You can't drive.

Least I have my license.

It's two spaces, two meaning for two cars.

You have the smallest car in this entire place

and you still can't park for shit.

Ah, fuck it.

My parkin's tidy.

Accidents R Us.

Krish, stop being a dick.

We're gonna be late!

Bruv, I'm gonna slap you!

What?

You went down there like a prick.

Just speak to her.

Now we're late.

Bruv, she would get it.

What do you mean?

She'll get it hard, bruv.

From you?

All day long!

You've not even said one word to her.

I'm workin' on it.

Well, it's been three months.

I'm workin' the right lines.

A simple hello would do.

It's not that easy when a man has a reputation to keep.

What reputation?

You are an idiot!

Bruv, you weren't my friend I'll slap you.

Bruv, I will come for your ass.

I will bring you back down to Chinatown.

I'm not even Chinese, shut up.

I think she likes black guys.

I'm black where it counts.

All the fucking time.

This machine doesn't work.

Bruv, you're tellin' me you haven't smashed Amy yet.

No.

This machine is shit.

She'll get it, she's bang tidy.

The things I'd do to her if I had two seconds.

Two seconds?

Yeah, two seconds.

I would smash the granny out of her

and she'd still be coming to the nursing home.

Are you sure about that?

All day long.

Two seconds, bro.

That's a bit premature, don't you think?

Yeah two second...

No I mean, two hours.

Ah fuck it, she'll get it.

What you need to do is ask Amy out.

I'll do that if you ask Jasmine out.

Yes.

Hello?

Girls, we were talking about this in the car.

Let's just say I gave you

1,000 pounds each,

would you let Timmy the cleaner slip it in you?

- Ooh. - No!

- No way. - You guys are sick.

What, not even a tiny bit?

Let's say one inch or just the head.

- No! - No.

Okay, how about one million pounds?

I'm not selling my body for a single penny.

Well it's one million pounds, it's a lot of cash.

Sarah, I know you're thinking about it.

Okay, I don't know.

Maybe.

Amy, for 20 million and he does you up your ass.

Ew.

What?

It's 20 million, it would change your life.

Up the ass, that's disgusting.

I'd do it up the ass for 20 million all day long!

What, have you never done it up there before?

No.

You just need lube.

Lube.

Lube, lube, lube, lube.

Hello?

Come to my office.

Okay.

Who's that?

Were you speaking to Roxanna?

Yeah, does she want lube?

She wants to speak to us.

How long have you boys been working here for?

Four months?

Lee, I took you on because of your father.

In that time, you have had multiple warnings.

One, part timekeeping.

Two, antisocial behavior.

Three, rudeness on the phone.

Four, poor attire.

I fixed up!

Now putting through false claims.

Hello?

Hi is that Robert Lunstow?

Yes, mate.

Hi Robert, it's Lee from Accidents R Us.

Where there is blame, there is a claim.

Just calling in regards to the form you filled out

saying you injured your back.

- Go on, mate. - What happened?

Mate, it's my fault.

I smashed into the back of someone, didn't I?

When did this happen?

Couple of days ago.

That's unlucky.

Tell me about it, my car's fucked.

What did your insurance say?

Calling me later to get my statement.

I think my car's a write-off to be fair.

Just pissed that my premiums are gonna go up.

Fucking excess is like 500 quid.

What did the defendant say?

She was pissed.

Came out of her car mouthing off and shit.

Mate, she had the nicest rack I've ever seen.

I would've belted her.

The belts absolutely saved her.

To be honest man, I just filled out the forms

'cause I was curious.

Were you injured?

Nope.

Tell you what, mate.

You sound decent.

What you do is tell your insurance she reversed into you.

What, can I do that?

Who's gonna know?

Were you injured?

No.

Aw fuck it, you have whiplash.

Go to the doctors, play on the injury

and I'll try and process this for you straight away

to get some compensation.

Decent mate, nice...

What was that?

I was helping him.

Helping him commit fraud.

I felt sorry for him, I wanted to help.

All our calls are recorded.

The defendant was the , he has witnesses

which conflict with your Mr Lungstow story.

Because of your helping him, we're now being investigated.

You're still under your six month probation

and we're letting you go.

I'm also telling your father.

You can't tell my dad!

He will be disappointed.

Could the owner of the Nissan Micra

reg KR15H please move their car immediately

as you have parked in two allocated spaces?

Those are company spaces and you don't work here anymore.

You can't fire us like that.

Yes, I can.

You always pickin' on us.

That's because you are useless.

You are useless at your job.

You're both failures.

This company is better off without you

and I pity the next company who's stupid enough to hire you.

Fine, you know what?

I wasn't gonna stay anyway.

Lee leaves, I leave.

This company is shit.

This office is shit.

Your parkin' is shit and you need to get laid.

Come on, Lee.

I would so smash you.

I don't want to and Lee wouldn't.

Yeah, not even with lube.

Lube.

Lube?

My dad's gonna be pissed.

I fucked up too many times.

Don't worry, mate.

We'll sort it, we'll come up with a plan.

We hated this place anyway.

Only thing holding us here was your dad and the girls.

I'm gonna miss this place.

What are we gonna do?

Don't worry guys, you're gonna find another job.

Yeah, don't worry about your dad.

We have plenty of time.

Any plans this year?

Nah, we'll sort it.

Let's just enjoy the evening.

Come on, cheer up.

Alright, let's party.

I could do this all the time, bro.

Me, too.

You need to get Amy, bruv.

I can't, she's too good for me.

Don't ever say that.

No one's too good for us.

I'm tellin' you bruv, chicks want our dongs.

We're nice guys.

I don't know.

It's easy, just get her number.

I can't.

Don't be an idiot.

Jasmine's coming over,

so now's your chance to talk to her.

Oh shit.

You alright, boys?

Krish, you okay?

He's shy.

I'll see you on the dance floor, yeah?

What happened to your speech, bruv?

That's all bullshit.

I can't speak to her, I don't know what to say.

I thought you said it was easy.

That's just for you.

You are so full of shit.

No, we're full of shit.

What are you doing here?

I was obviously gonna come but your work to do, didn't I?

Oh.

I'm really gonna miss you.

Really?

How about I give you my number?

We can meet up later, maybe.

Jesus Christ!

What is the meaning of this?

What is going on in here?

Well I just don't get it!

Alright, no.

I don't wanna open my eye because the vex.

No, no, this place is not for us.

This place is not for us.

Olu?

- Open your eyes, Olu. - No I'm alright.

No no no, don't open your eye.

, no!

I'm goin' to the spirit right now

because my one leader.

- No no no. - Olu, open your eyes.

Alright.

- Oh gosh. - Jesus Christ.

Hey, that is God's creation!

That just a sin before god, why'd you kill him?

God make him, you kill him!

Calm yourself.

Olu.

No Olu, that is dinner!

Shut up,.

That's dinner!

Why are you always thinking about your belly?

Calm yourself.

We have more banana.

Deal with it.

Chill out , cowboy.

I come to learn from him, watch this now.

Jesus Christ, look at him sleep.

It's his mouth, it's a tooth.

- , wake up. - He's asleep.

Wake up.

I said wake up!

You don't scream yet.

Rent please.

Why did you put a banana in my mouth?

- I thought it was... - Plantain.

- Plantain. - Shut up.

You know what the take was, right?

What's happening?

Olu, why are you here?

You mad?

This boy is not serious.

In about 48 hour, funny.

You know what date it is today?

Tuesday?

Rent day.

Not you, not her.

Rent day, money.

Come to take it now, get up.

- Stand up! - Right now.

- Come on, chop chop. - Stand up.

Hold on, where are you trousers then?

Damn it!

Is this?

Get out of here and you chatty boy, move!

Kung Fu and Mr Patel in there, where my money?

Shit.

Nice one!

Bruv, I've got no money.

What I've got is some notes I wrote to myself.

Don't remember much of last night, bro.

I don't even know who was with us.

I've got her number now!

Oh yeah!

That was that hot blonde girl from the kebab shop.

I was so smashed.

I don't remember who was with us either.

All I remember is she was fit!

Her tits were amazin' and her ass.

Bruv, where is she?

You need to text her now.

Later, bro.

Maybe she has a friend.

Krish, how much cash do you have for rent?

One pound 50.

So just

595.50 short.

Shit.

How can we spend so much money?

Drink, drugs, women and chicks.

This is a pig festival.

What are they doing?

You're asking me?

In fact, they are take piss.

It's take the piss.

You have to learn to speak English

if you're rolling with me.

Yo, poom-poom boy!

What are you doing?

If you sayin' this is a social visit,

there are things for you to know.

Money for men, people for , rent for beer.

Move yourself!

Come here now!

There might be a slight delay.

You say what?

I don't know, we may need a few days

to get the rent money together.

Oh, you was talking to me.

What's this I hear about you have no money at all?

There might be a slight delay.

I thought the Bible was about forgiveness.

You know what?

You're right, you're right.

But it has another interesting scripture in it.

What it say?

Do not play with my cash!

And where you find it?

That just in...

Hmm, these two.

You know what else it say?

It said it would forgive me for beatin' you with it!

You now have 48 hours find my money.

48!

If you don't find it in that time,

things will get very blinko out here!

Afka 1, Afka 2, let them go.

Two days!

You do not have time.

Yell, okay?

We'll make him eat you.

Where we gonna get 600 pounds in 48 hours?

We can sell something.

Yes bruv, we sell your car.

What are you talkin' about?

I ain't sellin' my car.

Sell something of yours.

Sell your TV.

Bruv, you're not selling my TV.

That's mine!

Relax, I've got this.

We start our own business.

Doin' what?

We have no business plan,

no risk assessment, we have nothing.

We don't need all that mumbo jumbo.

We're entrepreneurs.

Entrepreneurs that do what?

We buy and sell stuff.

Buy and sell what?

That shouldn't be your first question.

You're an entrepreneur now.

Your first question should be

where are we goin' to get our seed money?

Who's gonna give us seed money?

They'll wanna know what sort of business

we're gonna be doing.

Just say import/export, no one knows what that means.

I'm not asking my dad for some money, bruv.

It's an investment for them.

He'll wanna see a business plan, a recruitment schedule.

Come on, you whiny bitch.

Let's go see my parents, get some cash

and go back to the club before I lose my buzz.

Bruv, text that girl.

Do I look high?

I will see you soon auntie, yeah?

- Sorry, Lee. - Amir, long time bruv!

Krish, my bitch.

What's happening, bruv?

Hey yo bruv, it's Ahmed now.

Ahmed, why?

I turned Muslim innit.

Since when?

A year ago bro, but you'd know that

if you'd bothered to show your face.

I ain't see you for time, bruv.

Haven't you gotten your bacon no more?

Bacon?

That's Haram, bruv.

Yeah but put a bit of ketchup on it and it's all good.

No.

Can you still smoke weed?

Well only if it's allowed.

Do you get...

He knows.

'Cause Lee got some sweet shit from Norfolk,

that's on the coastline.

You know it's gonna be some good shit out there.

You know what, I'm gonna shout you yeah?

But I've gotta shoot, bruv.

I'll see you soon, bruv.

- In shala? - Yeah!

I know there's shala clubs, but I'm barred from there.

Bruv, you're smoking too much weed bruv.

Watchin' you.

Dad.

What do you want, Krish?

Now I'm entrepreneur...

- Unemployed. - What?

Roxanna told me she had to sack you both.

Gross incompetence.

And you Lee, you told your dad?

No Mr Patel, uncle.

I'm going to see him later.

All that potential, just wasted.

We don't need those jobs.

We're gonna make a ton of money in our new business.

Come and work for me in the restaurant.

I have a good business, good sweets

and you're not doin' anything right now.

What is this business you want to do?

Import/export?

Aah, Krish is a big boy now.

Strong boy,

very good boy.

Import/export, good business.

You invested in Dev's bullshit dentist practice.

Dev is a professional, what is your profession?

I'm an entrepreneur.

I don't need a handout like Dev.

I need seed money for my business.

Have you any idea how hard your brother works?

He came back the other day from work

with his friend, your brother,

and went straight up to his bedroom

to do some brainstorming.

They locked the door,

they were at it for three hours straight.

Red face, sweaty, hot due to all the hard work.

I haven't seen commitment like that from you.

- Bruv! - Oh hello, darling.

You.

Hello Mrs Patel, auntie.

Hello.

Are you boys looking after each other?

- Yeah, mom. - Yes, auntie.

Come, I wanna speak to you.

Have some sweets from daddy's shop.

No, uncle.

You are my favorite nephew, Krish.

A good, strong boy.

Strong boy.

So you two are close then?

Yeah, uncle John has known me since I was born.

Yes, I change his nappy and seen his winky.

Now he is a strong boy.

I used to help uncle around his house.

Mmm, I have some work that needs doing.

You both can come around.

No thanks, uncle.

I'm an entrepreneur now.

Your mother wants me to give you

some money for the business.

There's 200 pounds to get you started.

This investment will grow and grow into a big tree.

A tree of success and the fruits will grow.

They'll be ripe and they'll be...

Acha.

Bruv, your uncle's weird!

Bruv, what are you doin' with my mom?

He's very touchy-feely.

That's not normal.

That's my mom, you can't be doin' that.

That's not right.

Your mom's hot, though.

What do you want?

- Are they in? - Yeah, what do you want?

Money.

I heard you got fired.

I left, actually.

At least I had a job.

Whatever, you're still a loser.

What, and you, failed wannabe dancer.

At least I tried, idiot.

Stripping is not dancing.

It's burlesque, actually.

You don't know anything.

Well I know you're boring me, so move.

Alright, Misha.

Hi, Krish.

- How are you? - Good.

You never responded to my Facebook invite to my show.

Yeah, but I poked you.

I didn't see it.

- Then I'll poke you again. - Krish!

Oh hello, honey.

And Kris, it's nice to see you again.

Can you come and help me with something upstairs?

Hey Lee, come and gimme a hug.

You need to eat more, Lee.

You've lost weight, man.

Do you want some pork and noodles or something?

I'm okay, Howard.

He's after some money, dad.

Shut it.

All done.

I dunno why the light needed changin', it looked new to me.

You know why I called you up here.

Me and Krish want to start a business.

But Mrs Reyes, your husband's downstairs

Forget him.

He hasn't looked at me in years.

Roxanna called, she told me everything.

This is what, your sixth job this year?

- I know. - You just gotta try.

You're a clever lad.

You're just wastin' it.

Mes Reyes!

Oh you know you want me.

I'm too young!

I've seen how you were looking at me downstairs.

Lee look,

take the money.

I know you'll do me proud.

What about Lee?

I'm too young for this.

I'm not Charles.

No I know, you're Lee.

Mrs Reyes, stop.

I believe in you, always have done.

Thanks.

Wanker.

Hold me.

There's somethin' wrong with you.

Is that your brother?

Yeah he's with Lee.

They spend a lot of time together.

Well they're best friends.

Maybe like us.

Alright, let's be quick.

I've gotta get to the office.

Use your fist.

We raised 300 pounds!

That's about 300 scratchcards!

Are you serious about starting this business?

Of course, I'm an entrepreneur!

Okay, let's do it.

What's the first thing that we need?

Oh a secretary.

No, contacts.

Who do we know who has a huge list of contacts?

Of course, nice one bruv.

Boss seriously, I killed those fuckers for you last week.

I consider myself as a good henchmen.

I don't ask for a lot.

I'm loyal.

You see, I need somethin' good to eat, man.

I need to eat.

I can't be doin' all this stuff on an empty stomach.

Look it's important that I eat food,

like I've got to keep a clear mind.

Stop stop stop.

Listen, you are hardly undernourished, are ya?

You don't look like you've got bulimia.

What is important are those fucking pikeys are late.

For the first and last time, they are late.

I've got business to take care of,

just be quiet the two of yous, Jesus.

How's it goin?

It's been four weeks, where's my money?

You see, that's the thing I meant to say to you now.

Unfortunately there's been a slight problem

gettin' the clean money off the fellow over in Liverpool.

- You know what I mean? - What problem?

Ah there's just a bit of a problem with the Polish.

They're gettin' a bit suspicious.

They're hangin' around the lobby a bit

so we have to cool things down a bit.

It's very hard to understand you.

But I want you to understand this.

Where is my clean money?

There is a

fuckin' delay,

you baldy, cockney wanker.

Am I talkin' English or what?

Seamus, when will you have our money?

Hello there, young one.

God look at you, eh?

What are you doin' hangin' around with the likes of this?

Seamus just give us a date, will ya?

Thought you'd never ask.

Alright I see what you mean.

Now here's the thing.

If I had a date to give ya, I'd give you a date

but I can't 'cause I don't.

All I can say is it's not up to me.

Me hands are tied, aren't they lads?

It's up to the boys in blue.

- His hands are tied. - Yeah, my hands are tied.

It's not up to me.

You're a lying, thieving pikey.

- Come on,! - Lay it on me, you pikey!

Settle down, you pile of shite.

Shall I shoot him?

Oh shut up, I just wanna know what the fuck he's sayin'.

Bruv, why do you have a USB stick in your pocket?

You always need to be prepared, don't you?

It's not my first choice of protection.

Go in and get the database.

Why do I have to go in?

Well, I came up with the idea.

Now you have to do your part.

Shit.

Start the car!

Why'd you turn the car off?

You know it doesn't turn on properly.

- I was saving petrol! - Fuck, hurry up!

I told you to fix your car!

I didn't think you'd switch it off.

What were you doing, having a wank?

Naw bruv, I need two minutes.

Oh shit, he's comin'.

Fucking piece of shit!

Don't call Angelina that, you'll hurt her feelings.

I'll rear-end this bitch into a tree

if she doesn't start now!

I'm sorry but it would appear

the only things missing are a stapler and a hard drive.

Detective Johnson, Security emailed me

the CCTV footage from last night.

Bring me Krish's HR codes.

This is the guy.

Find him.

Healthy body, healthy mind.

It's our new start.

I wanna get hench, bruv.

Jodie.

- Come on! - One more!

- Come on. - There we go, there we go.

So what's our business?

Import/export, innit.

What does that mean?

Nobody knows what that means.

That makes no sense.

We don't have a business.

Told you we should've bought scratchcards.

What does everybody love?

Pussy.

No.

Lube!

Chicken.

Yeah, everyone loves chicken.

We should export/import.

We can buy some chickens.

They make baby chickens.

We can export the chickens and import the money.

How?

I don't know.

I'm hungry.

Is all the chicken gone?

Yeah.

Pass the menu.

I wanna order some chicken.

There's no chicken delivery.

That's our business.

We deliver chicken.

What do we do now?

We wait.

Ahmed ordered 14 pieces of chicken.

There's only eight.

He won't notice.

Just frame the chicken so it looks bigger.

It's not we, bro.

It's import/export, innit.

Who is it?

It's your chicken.

Come in.

Watch that wire, it's important.

Why have you gpt so much fertilizer?

Gardening.

Yeah gardening, come.

You live in a flat though.

Chicken.

Look at that bruv, your chicken's still warm.

Hold on.

Is this halal?

If you want it to be.

This feels a bit light.

There's about eight pieces in there.

You said 14.

How'd you know?

The weight innit, libra arms.

- 20 pound. - 20 pound?

It's 12 down the road.

Yeah but we deliver.

You said it was free delivery!

There's small print.

You're outside the delivery area.

Bruv, you live five minutes away from me.

You know what, this is cold.

I ain't payin' for that.

It's cold because you keep talking.

- And we're family. - Is there a problem here?

Nah, no problem.

He's family.

Bro, this is like rat food.

Are you gonna eat that, bro?

No I ain't eatin' that.

Oh it's live, bro.

There's no chicken in there.

What are you gonna eat?

No I ain't gonna take that.

No it's light, bruv.

Yo, have you eaten some?

- No. - No.

Gimme your hand.

Smells like chicken!

That's because we cooked it.

Yeah we worked hard for that, so pay us.

What you think you're a bad man now?

Here, yo boys.

Who's bad now?

And what?

Where'd he go?

Come on show me then.

Where's all this?

I know you've got some in here.

I know you have, I know you have!

There's enough chicken for you, baby.

I'm fuckin' hungry and you didn't feed me last night.

- I've got chicken. - What d'you mean?

You know.

Babe, I've got chicken for you.

Sorry about that.

Whoa.

Why did you hug him for?

He didn't even pay us.

He had to pay somehow.

Bruv, he's up to some dodgy shit.

What d'you mean?

Didn't you see all the fertilizer and the wires?

- So? - Don't you remember signs?

That's what they use for explosives.

Didn't you...

Don't you remember?

That guy wouldn't know what to do.

He's up to some dodgy shit, bruv.

Johnson!

These boys are possible terrorists.

Terrorists?

You don't make a bomb out of a hard drive and a stapler.

They can be using the hard drive

to compile a list of targets.

Let's pay 'em a visit.

We just lost 25 pounds.

13.99 for the chicken,

10 pound for the petrol and we bought chewing gum.

You have to speculate to accumulate.

What does that mean?

It's all import/export, bruv.

We need to export something soon or else we're in trouble.

Why don't we export ourselves?

What are you talking about?

I know a guy who put his picture on escort website

and he's always on a yacht in Monaco.

Apparently he has the sickest clothes.

'Cause we're hench now, we should do this.

I don't like it.

It's prostitution.

Fuck it!

You go to the best restaurants free.

Plus the women are hot.

You serious?

Would you let a girl poke you in the bum for 10 pound?

Nah.

- 100? - No.

10,000?

Probably.

Then think about the women and the money.

What do we do now?

We wait and I need a drink.

Bruv look, I can see a spliff.

We need to move the couch.

What's really going on here?

You do your business here.

Afka 1 and Afka 2, repute that.

What are you talking about?

I'm not involved, I'm not involved.

- Yo yo yo, Afka 2. - Please.

Demon have your money.

- Demon have your money. - My money?

- Let's kill him. - No killing, just hold him.

What are you doing to me?

The power of Christ is inside you, Lucifer.

Krish, help me!

Bruv, don't get me involved.

You're the one with the demon.

I don't have a demon.

You talking is confirmin' it.

Come out devil, now.

Dead man, dead man!

- Switch, come out of here. - Come on.

Yes this is Krish.

- I don't have a demon! - You talkin'

is confirmin' it!

Yeah we can come over today,

- what's the address? - Come out devil.

Come out here, you demon, right now!

Hey stop muckin' about, we have a gig.

Olu, we still have a day left.

You're right.

You can't keep doin' this to us!

We're tenants, we have rights!

The only right you have is to pay my money

or tings will get biblical out here!

Or you will die.

Why you wanna kill everybody all the time?

Don't play with my money!

Come on.

The bow is a bit much, don't you think?

No bruv, this is how it is yeah.

Not wearin' that, are you?

I haven't got anything else to wear.

'Course you do.

Bro, I need to go to the toilet.

Wait.

Too plain.

Too simple.

Bro, I need to go to the toilet.

We need to make a good impression.

It's our first time.

Bruv, I'm gonna burst in a minute.

Bruv, she sounded fit on the phone.

We just get a hold of the money and get 'em off our back.

So hold it.

Just pick anything.

Ooh!

Come on, come on, come on.

Whoa!

- Oh shit! - What, what?

My phone!

Bruv, I sent you the funniest ,

I just sent you the funniest text.

That was you?

That's your fault, would you look at that!

I hate a ringing phone, man.

I'm not answering that, no way.

Don't be a girl.

Answer it, answer it!

Pick it up!

- Pick it up! - No way man, no!

Bruv it's your own blonde, man.

Answer the damn phone, bruv.

You've been waiting for this text all day

and now she's ringin' it.

That's not mine, it's Bookie's.

Hot blonde.

Hot blonde, kebob shop girl.

Fuck, fuck!

Hello?

Hello?

She hung up!

She hung up!

Lemme show you around.

Zoom, zoom, zoom, gadu.

- What is that? - It's madness.

dance and kick.

That is not a rap.

That is not a rap.

Bruv, does my hand still smell?

Get your fucked up hand away from me, man.

You have to give us the instructions.

Can I do it with plantain?

If you want, keep the plantain.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

It's your idea.

You alright?

Just feelin' a bit nervous.

Got that butterfly feeling.

We're in this together.

We're gonna have a good meal, do some hot girls,

and we get paid.

Hello?

Hey, Josh.

We must catch up soon, yeah.

Sweet!

Alright, let's just do this.

Hello, you're right on-time.

Yes, on-time for the time of your life.

Mmm, I do love a guy in a dicky bow.

Come this way.

Ain't that those two drumsticks from the gym?

Yeah that's them, I swear that's them!

Precious, what are they doin' here?

What are they doin' here?

Like really, you're asking me what they're doin' here?

Yeah Precious, what are they doin' here?

You don't know what they're doin' here?

So you don't know what they're doin' here.

You don't know who they are.

What do you actually know?

They're here.

Yeah, I know they're there.

Like you should know why they're there.

Do you even know anything?

Babe don't talk to me like that, baby.

You hurtin' my feelings.

Feelings, do you wanna talk about feelings?

What is all this?

All this muscle for nothing.

You're fucking pathetic.

Like you actually make me sick.

Do you know what?

Here's the truth.

See your mother, I hate her.

She hates me, I hate her.

Actually I hate your whole fucking family.

Yeah, that's the truth.

Yeah, see that face?

I don't even like your face.

That face is what you do when we're having sex.

- You know I love you, baby. - Really, really?

You've got me sat here like an idiot.

I should be with a fuckin' footballer

bein' wined and dined and being treated nicely.

Not sat here with you.

All this muscle for what?

- Do you know what? - Oh God.

You ain't gettin' none tonight.

Fuck.

Are you boys looking for a good time?

Come here, you naughty boys.

You like it, I know you like it.

Come here, that's it.

Stop it, stop it, stop it.

Get off.

Where are you?

There you are.

I've got you now.

Oh yes!

Get off!

Come here, you naughty boy.

Krish, do something.

Pull leg, pull leg.

Come here, my little love muffin.

Yes, it's fighty pokey time.

Ooh, yeah!

Woohoo, ride him like a stallion.

Oh yeah!

Help me.

Yeah, baby.

So tell me, how well do you know Krish Patel

and Lee Reyes?

Well enough to know they're good guys, why?

We're gathering information so we can help 'em.

It's important.

I need you to help me so I can help them.

I would if I could,

but I honestly don't know anything else.

Unless you have any more questions for me,

I'd quite like to go 'cause you can't really hold me here.

Okay, 'course.

But I'll be around.

If you do happen to remember anything, here's my card.

Lee, when you get this, can you call me please?

The police have just been asking me

loads of questions about you and Krish.

I really hope you're alright.

Call me.

She just called!

Should I call her back?

No bruv, call her tomorrow.

We're here to get fucked up.

Every time I close my eyes, I see that midget.

That whip hurt, bruv.

Hello, boys.

The one good thing is

got rent money and enough for some weed.

Don't you think we should do more with the money?

Bruv, more will come.

Let's just enjoy our hard-earned cash.

How much?

Here.

You alright, Krish?

A bit underdressed aren't you, love?

He's still shy.

Yo.

Yeah, come here!

That's what I'm saying.

Look, these fools were right here.

If it weren't for me,

you wouldn't even know where they were.

I know what I'm doin', baby.

Oh do you know what?

Why am I even fucking walking?

Wasting my time.

I don't even know who's more stupid out of you and them.

Well if it's not you, who is it then?

I don't know anything about

a blackjack game happening tonight

and I own all of the blackjack dealers in London.

If one of them even wants to shuffle a deck,

they need my permission first.

Do I look like a cunt?

What you want me to say?

I want you to tell me

why there's a high-roller blackjack game

goin' on in Blue Magic tonight and why my pocket is empty.

- Blue Magic, who's... - Terry.

Terry hosting a blackjack game.

Have you lost control over everything, Tony?

Of course not, I'm in complete control.

Rest assured I will deal with Terry

and his bullshit blackjack game.

Right, where's your...

Val.

Verity.

Whatever.

Spread!

Have a seat, gentlemen.

Thanks.

Sit!

Hey, that's ours.

Yeah, we worked hard for that.

No no no no, boys.

This is my money.

First rule of business is you earn, you have to pay tax.

You earn here, you pay me tax

and I pay it to the Mrs.

She spends it on that rat of hers.

It's her dog, not a rat.

Let's be honest, wish he would.

Honestly he looks like a Ferrari,

but you don't look underneath the bonnet.

This is tax.

- Tax? - Yup.

See tiny George here?

You stole one of his clients

and from what I heard, you didn't perform.

Come on.

She was a freak!

Mr Laurel is a valued customer and he pays well.

Your unprofessionalism has nearly cost us this account.

First rule of business, you finish the job.

So now I have to go in and I have to fix it.

But when I fix things, there is always a charge.

So this belongs to me, plus you owe me 10% on top

for my inconvenience.

What?

We can't afford that.

Well, you could be of some use to me tonight actually.

No, I ain't doin' that again.

Do you two know how to play blackjack?

Of course I do, I play it all the time.

I can read those cards better than Rain Man.

I'm a blackjack machine, bruv.

Bomb 21 here, bomb 21 there

all day long.

Well, that's fortunate.

We've got a bit of a high-rollers game

going on across town tonight

and you two sharp-looking gentlemen,

I think you're gonna fit right in.

I want you to go to the game

and just gather some information for me.

I want a list of names of people who were there.

Say there's 50 people there.

How many names do I want, Rain Man?

- 50? - You're bang on.

I also wanna know how much the house is winning

and when the next game is.

Think you can handle that?

Good.

But that's it?

That's it.

What are you two still doin' here?

Can I have my money?

'Course, of course you can.

Good luck, gents.

You look smashing.

What the fuck are you doing?

What's the matter, Angelface?

Is this a game to you?

Well no, this is business.

I know what I'm doing, let me do it.

No, you've sent those two clowns to do your business.

The first rule of business say

don't bring your wife to work.

Come on.

No no no, first rule of business

is take care of something yourself, you absolute moron.

Hey, Angel.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Doll, hey, Verity.

She loves me, really.

Boss, you just gonna let them go and make more money?

Oh George, of course I'm not.

You saw them, they're gonna kill a game

as soon as they walk in.

No no no no, these fucking drumsticks

have been fucking my business up all the fucking time

and I'm sittin' here like a twat ain't doin' shit about it.

Come on man, you're gettin' all angry again.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Have fun, take the day off.

Yeah?

Go and have a protein shake and a smile.

Do what you do for fun.

Go and break some stuff.

- Yeah, that's cool. - Yeah alright.

- Good lad. - Sounds good, man.

Come on now, let's turn that frown upside down.

Come on.

Okay.

Christ.

We are lookin' slick, bruv.

We have 275 pounds.

That's all we have.

Are you sure you can win some money tonight

to pay Olu the rent money tomorrow?

Of course, all day long.

Remember, this is our parents money.

You have one new message.

Your poom-poom batty boys

better have rent tomorrow.

The clock is ticking.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock!

What is this?

I want fried plantain.

I'll beat you across your head if you take my piece again.

Stupid boy.

Right tick-tock, tick-tock, boys.

Tomorrow I want my rent or tings are going to get biblical.

I will slap the shit into your heads.

- Thank you, bye bye. - Don't worry.

We'll win so much that we'll have enough

to pay Olu two months rent.

Looking ain't free.

You gonna buy a drink?

We're here for the blackjack game.

Just remember why we're here.

I got this, bruv.

Oi.

Shit.

Stick.

What's your name?

Chantelle.

Chantelle, lovely to meet you.

You're looking lovely tonight.

Thank you, I'm tryin' to play.

You okay?

I just lost 30k.

I should have listened to my wife.

It's not my wife.

My wife in Russia.

I'm Lee.

Vladimir.

You should've partied in Paris.

Paris?

I've been there many times.

When's the next game, Mr Latif?

Thursday.

How's the night treating you?

I'm even.

I'll only stop when I'm down 100k.

Whoa take a photo of me and Chantelle, please?

Is that alright?

Yeah, yeah.

Yes oh honey, this evening is so terrible.

So, so, so terrible.

We lost a lot of money.

Ping, Pong, get me a Mai Tai.

How did you hear about the game?

You know Terry?

Terry called Ping, who told Pong, who told me.

You look like a guy I used to know.

Oh Charlie, he was so lovely.

He left me for some Desi adventurer.

Ping, leave him alone!

Go find Pong and bring me my Mai Tai.

It was really nice meetin' you.

Ping, Pong.

I'm gonna get back to my game.

Don't use all of those chips, mate.

I thought you said you could play this game.

I do online all the time.

So why are we down?

Lady luck ain't on our side.

That's why we're down.

What?

You're not concentrating.

You're too busy making friends

and you're not taking it seriously.

I am.

Bro, that's our money you're losing.

We're in trouble already and you're digging us deeper.

You have to get to 21, right?

Close as possible.

And there are 54 cards in a deck.

No, 52.

Take out the jokers.

How many decks do they use?

Six.

What are face cards worth?

King, Queen and Jack are worth 10.

Ace is one or 11 and number cards are each to their own.

Right, let's go.

How the fuck's he doing this?

Lucky streak, Tel.

There ain't no such thing as a lucky streak

in my fucking club.

Seems to be playing all the right hands.

No one's that good.

He's fucking cheatin', Tel.

How do you know?

See his mouth move, he's counting the cards.

Want me to fuckin' shoot him, boss?

Shut up.

Do you want me to shoot him, boss?

Shut up, alright?

He earns me money, you're just the biceps.

- Prick. - Bastard.

He's my prick.

5,000 bruv.

We have smashed it.

That's 10 months rent.

We're gonna own Olu.

You two, huh?

You two very lucky together.

Maybe we can make some luck together.

You feelin' alright?

Feeling alright now.

Muscles

everywhere.

Yeah, we got here two days ago bruv.

Let me workout with you sometime.

Bruv, sort your friends out.

They're your problem now.

I have a game in Paris in a couple days,

would you like to come?

Yeah.

Okay.

Chantelle.

Lee.

Bad move, boys.

Fucked up there didn't you, boy?

No, we saw them first!

However, you two boys are fucking stupid

or you got big balls.

Counting cards in my club.

I didn't know counting cards was wrong.

What are you up to?

Who sent you?

We don't work for anyone.

I'm an entrepreneur.

We do import/export.

Oh do you really?

Export and import what exactly?

Don't really know.

We exported chicken.

Did it ourselves.

Now we're lookin' seed money

for our proper import/export business.

What's that sayin'?

Import/export.

No one knows what that means.

Let me rephrase that.

What were you two jokers doin' in my club

taking names of my punters?

Tell me that.

Tony asked us.

Fucking pussy and does he know who he's fucking with?

Technically, it is you in his area.

But that's just technically.

- You're early. - Time of the month.

I take it the money

from this evening's activities are in there?

It's there babe.

Price of corruption is goin' up.

Inflation, darling.

I hate her.

Can we go now?

Oh, of course you can.

You two are fuckin' stupid, ain't ya?

You owe me for you just done there, you owe me.

Well, we didn't even get to keep our winnings.

Listen, you two don't who the fuck you're dealing with.

I own this club, I own your money and I now own you.

Got me?

Okay, sorry.

We were just doing what Tony asked us to.

We'll leave that between you and him.

Can we please go now?

You two think you're big boys, don't cha?

We're gonna see if you can to what you're told.

I want you to go down that pikey pub

and get me that thieving pikey bastard Seamus

and bring him here for me, alright?

What does Seamus look like?

Like a thieving pikey bastard.

What if we don't?

Then I'll cut your balls off

and stick 'em where the sun don't shine.

How do we get a pikey?

Do I look like an encyclopedia on pikeys?

Just get him and bring him to me, please!

Shall I shoot 'em, boss?

Oh shut up, will ya?

Can I shoot anyone?

Can I shoot 'em after?

Shut the fuck up.

That's a big job for them boys, dad.

Yeah well if they don't do it, they're dead either way.

Thompson, it's Johnson.

Just saw the suspects from the call center incident.

Yeah, I can confirm the location.

Send the squad cars down to the Blue Magic, now.

- These guys are crazy. - They'll eat us alive.

Which one is Seamus?

They all look the same.

Bruv, did you just do a fart?

Yeah, I'm a little bit scared.

That stinks!

That's him, that's the thieving gypsy!

I've had just about enough of you now.

Hey, c'mon now boys.

Here, hit him!

Hey!

I told you I'd be back away from her, right?

- That's enough, sit down. - Now listen up,

if I was havin' a little kiss with the girl,

I will have a kiss with the girl.

Who the fuck are yous boys anyway?

What are you doin' to my cousin?

Right, you've done it now.

I've got a pair of fist biscuits

for you straight outta the oven.

Here it comes, ya bastards.

You bastard, will you stand still so I can fuckin' hit ya?

Jackie Chan and Slumdog fuckin' Millionaire.

If you hit me one more time, I'm gonna have to...

Stop, stop it.

Come here, come here anyway.

Can I have that?

- Drink? - Yeah.

Yeah, I have a powerful droof on me.

What'd he say?

Shamus!

Come on, gypsy.

- Come on, gypsy. - Give it!

Give it now and stop bein' a punk!

Give it.

The bastards stole Seamus.

Look, he's sittin' right there.

They robbed him, look!

Where'd they bring him to?

They fuckin' stole him!

He's gone!

You're fucking chicken.

They stole Seamus.

This is your fuckin' fault.

It's not my fault, how is it my fault?

Are you gonna do anythin' about it

or are ya just gonna stand there?

Are ya gonna let the girl fuckin' go and save Seamus

or are you gonna get off your ass and do something about it?

- Fuck. - Well.

- What? - What?

Pfft, you're a prick.

You're a prick.

You summon me here like I'm some fucking genie.

Well pfft, here I am.

Terry, what you want?

What did you send those two muppets down to my club for?

What are you talking about?

First rule of business, do your homework.

So what I'm tryin' to work out is

why after all this time you're suddenly

tryin' to muscle in on my business?

'Cause times are hard and the price of cooperation,

if you get my meaning, is very high.

Go go go!

Johnson?

She's crippling me, man.

It's extortion, that's what it is.

Look at that, you both agree on somethin'.

Yeah, alright.

Well look, it seems like we have a common problem.

Oh good, you brought old bill up my yard!

Don't be stupid, Terry.

Of course I'm not gonna ring 'em while I'm here with you.

Wait for me!

Graham, these guys are talking to the Irish,

the Russians, the Al Queda, the Nigerians,

the former foreign secretary

and all the London gang leaders.

What are they plannin'?

Not sure.

Something huge.

They're rolling with some big connections.

So in just in a few hours,

these guys have spoken to every main player.

I think these are the guys we've been waitin' for.

I'll put out an announcement.

God bless you, sir.

What do you put in that anyway?

- Say it. - Hmm?

Yeah, that we told ya.

Oh, sorry what was it again now?

Luuube.

Lobe.

No, Luuube

Luup.

No no no, Luuube

Looooob!

This guy's crazy.

All day long.

All day long, boy.

What's your name, by the way?

It's Seamus, pleased to make your acquaintance.

Oh my God, it's him.

You're Seamus?

Yeah, that's me.

That's what me mother called me anyway.

Bruv, we did something right for once.

We're too good.

- Sick! - Yo,

poom-poom 1, poom-poom 2, where that?

You puttin' up the voicemail.

Lemme tell you somethin' right.

When you check the voicemail,

you will know that the time is now 49 hours.

Not 48, that means your time is up.

I want my rent, I want my rent.

I want my rent, I want...

Say a lil somethin', say it again.

Kill him!

You are go, you are go, you are dead.

That's right.

I like the way you stretched that.

When we see you, we kill both of you, you and Kung Fu.

- are dead, aight? - Kung Fufu.

- Yes. - Finished!

- Finish. - It's not my time to order.

Benanta.

We're fucked.

What's the matter with you there, lads?

You're lookin' a bit down in the old dumps.

We owe rent to our landlord.

He's gonna kill us.

Shit, don't be worryin' about that sir.

Just have a bit of a drink.

It'll help you forget all your problems.

That's how I forget about mine.

Running outta that.

Ah shite, so we are.

Tell you what.

If you drive us back down to the pub there,

I'll get us a few pints, my treat.

I'll pay for your hangover, huh?

Can't do this, bruv.

No bruv, this guy's too cool.

Terry's gonna kill us.

Terry?

Wait a minute, did you say Terry?

You don't mean you still are workin'

for that baldy, cockney bullocks?

No, we got into a bit of trouble

and he said we should bring you to him.

Ah, yous feckin' bastards anyway!

No but we're not gonna.

How could ya do this to me?

We're not!

That's why we're fucked.

Yeah, better get that lube I guess.

Don't worry about a thing, though.

Yous won't be needin' any your lube.

Me and the boys can take care of that

fat, baldy, cockney, dogshite, big stupid head in him.

Bruv, there's Olu!

- Oh shit! - Come on, start the car!

- What are... - Are they there?

Is that them?

- That them there? - Is that them?

It's them!

Put your foot on it!

- Start the car! - Shut the window

so he can't see us.

Put your foot on it!

My money's inside that car

and I want to kill somebody today.

- Olu's coming! - Oh jeez.

Bruv, you've gotta speed up.

What sorta driving is this?

driving 30 miles an hour, bruv.

I'm not goin' faster, alright?

Come on lad, put your foot on it.

I ain't gettin' another ticket, no.

Ah ticket smicket, who cares?

Up on the bend!

- Go up the hill! - I'll try!

Stay on the left here.

The police won't come now.

In England, we drive on the left.

In Africa, you drive anywhere.

I'm gonna hurt these two.

I'm gonna fuckin' hurt 'em two in the club, all of it!

- The lies! - Watch where you're going.

Watch where you're going, dad.

I know where I'm going.

I can't lose 'em, can I?

When I get that Krish, he's a dead man.

Well I am gonna do him as well.

I can't believe that you let him take your phone.

I can't believe it, he's your cousin.

He took...

He's robbed you, bruv.

What do you mean, bruv?

He borrowed it, that's what we do.

We're family like that.

It's one of them two up front I think.

It's that one there.

Is it the one in front of us

or the one in front of that?

No it's that one there.

That one there straight in front of us?

- Yes. - Are you sure?

- Can you see him? - The blue one!

What are we doin'?

Are we callin' this in?

I'm doin' the speed limit.

I'm breakin' the law.

Well that's not stopped us before.

We can pull 'em over

and we find a reason to have stopped 'em.

No, you can't do that.

It's not legal, wanker.

Listen, this could be the two of the most dangerous guys

runnin' around Britain right now.

Olu's coming, I can see...

I can see Tony, I can see Terry.

Oh man, how many cars are following us?

Jesus, one, two, three, four.

You need to do something and do something fast.

You have 10 new messages.

Shut up anyway, I'm driving.

Come on now.

like that word, Jesus Christ.

You want dash me through the window?

Olu, put your seatbelt on.

Hang on!

What is it with you two?

You're lookin' like you wanna fuck her or you're.

What is it?

Pipe down dad, will ya?

Why are you drivin' like Miss Daisy?

I'm losin' money.

Money, what do you mean?

He's right in front of me, you fool.

He's right in front of me.

Put it in the sat nav or something.

Look at the sat nav?

He's right in front of me!

Look at the size of this car bruv,

look at the size of his car and you can't catch him.

Bump him off the road, mate.

It's not bumper cars, you twat.

What are you doing?

Why are we going around in circles?

We're meant to be losing them.

I know what to do, alright?

We're just going around in circles, circles.

You're making me dizzy.

I'm not a good passenger.

That's the sail.

I think he wants us to shoot the paki

and to shoot the chinky.

Once this is over,

I'm gonna fuck up Angelina for you.

Proper hard.

Don't talk about her like that, alright?

go ahead, she won't be able to get you.

I'll chuck you outta my car.

That crazy girl, she was so fit.

Which girl are you talkin' about?

I did phone you, I texted you.

I phoned you and I text you.

Where you learn to drive?

Where you learn to drive?

I got my license in Legos.

That's a gun.

Catch up there now.

Lemme get a good fuckin' run of them.

It might not be long puttin' an end to this boy.

I'm starving, Tony.

You're always talking about your fucking belly, ain't ya?

Nothing else to talk about, but your fucking stomach.

I don't ever get to fuckin' eat, that's why.

Wait 'til we catch him.

Take a bite outta that.

I was in the boot, he locked me in the boot.

- He locked me in the boot. - Shut up!

- What the fuck is going on?! - Listen.

Yo, you put me to voicemail again.

Let me tell you somethin' right?

We're behind you.

We want you to pull over nicely so we can kill you!

We're getting too far away, come on.

Ow, what you doing?

Seriously what you doing?

Catch up.

What, you put no petrol in the car first?

I put petrol in the car,

but this driving he's messin' up my vibe.

What are you doin'?

What are you doin'?

What this smell there?

From the car?

He's putting smell there.

You don't even need to open a window first?

Don't you fuckin' making me lose

another fuckin' Sunday of all this shite runnin' around.

I'll fuckin' put this gun up your arse.

Yo, yo.

I am not very comfortable with you doing that around me.

Seamus, we're comin' to get ya boy!

We'll shoot the bastards.

Do something!

Alright, I'm going I'm going.

You have 123 new messages.

- Where they gone? - I don't know.

Oh fuck it!

- On the car. - Whoa whoa whoa.

Fuck's sake.

Hold on, hold on, hold on!

Where the fuck have they gone?

I don't believe it!

I've lost 'em!

I don't believe it!

- Where they gone? - Where they go?

They robbed you!

All your voodoo and all that crap.

My voodoo is too much.

You made them disappear?

Where the fuck?

Where they gone?

Don't fuckin' tell me we're losin' 'em

not after all this pile of shite.

Now I don't have my money.

I am vexo.

But you is driving.

How you lose them and you is driving?

- I didn't mean to. - Why you lose them?

Why do you lose them?

All of this excess talking is making me nervous.

I'm gonna cause a jam.

Why was you not keepin' a fucking eye on 'em?

Me keepin' a fucking eye on 'em?

Do you think I'm after comin' outta the fuckin' pub

to be keepin' an eye on 'em, when clearly it's your job

to be keepin' a fuckin' eye on 'em?

It's not my fuckin' job to keep an eye on him.

We wouldn't be fuckin' chasin' him.

Are you tryin' to say now it's all my fault

that we're after fuckin' losin' 'em?

It's not my fuckin' fault that we lost him.

You're tryin' to give me a whole load of shite over this?

Learn how to drive!

What?

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

Was I driving fast enough for you?

This is all your fault!

- What? - You don't even listen to me!

I told you to fix your car.

I told you to be careful at the blackjack game.

And you, you got fired from work

and you stole Chantelle away from me.

I come up with all the ideas.

You don't do shit!

Your ideas are shit!

At least I have ideas, I try!

You don't know what import/export is.

No one does.

At least I have ambition, what's yours Lee?

You're nothing without me.

Do you know what?

I don't have time for ambition

'cause I'm constantly fixing your crap.

It's your crap that brings me down.

Without you, I'll be flying high.

Bruv, you're too busy making excuses.

That's why you're not making paper.

You're afraid to fail.

Do you know why I'm failing?

Because you're living in your stupid world.

You know what?

You still think you're in school.

You need to grow up and take responsibility.

You count on me for everything!

You need to grow some balls.

Your sister was right about you.

D'you know what?

Your dad was right about ya.

What are you doin' to my car?

I told you should've bought a spare.

Hello there, what can I get you?

Just a butterscotch latte and a croissant please.

Okay.

Hello, butterscotch.

That is my favorite.

Me, too.

This is the only place that does 'em.

Where's Lee?

Don't know, don't care.

Is everything okay?

Do you feel I need to grow up?

What's happened?

Just somethin' Lee said.

Well Krish, we all say things.

It's just sometimes it comes out the wrong way, that's all.

I miss the noise you make at work.

Really?

Didn't think you noticed me.

I did.

I still do.

I think you're perfect.

Sorry?

I just think you're perfect.

Why are you sayin' that?

Lee's been telling me for time I should speak to you.

He's right.

Every mornin' I walk past, I can't even speak.

I get sweaty palms, I get flustered.

You were the motivation for me to go into work.

I wish I listened to him.

Mate, I've had a lot to think about and we need to talk.

Okay.

Josh.

Sorry, just been havin' a little look around.

What, you're buying this place?

Yeah well, fingers crossed.

How did you do it?

I don't get it, what d'you mean?

We're in the same class, we got the same grades.

I think your grades were higher than mine.

Hey, what's brought this on?

I just wanna know what went wrong.

I don't get it.

You guys are high-rollers, man.

I saw you at the car dealership and at the game last night.

Mr Latif and Vladimir think you're great.

Here it is, yeah.

To be honest, it's just bullshit.

I'm unemployed, I'm broke,

and I don't even know where I went wrong.

Hey, are you okay?

Just somethin' Krish said.

Look mate, don't worry about it.

You'll find your feet, I know you will.

Look, take it from me.

There are no shortcuts or cheats in our game.

It's just a little hard work and sacrifice.

Man, I would do anything to have what you have.

I don't understand, you've got everything.

To have a friend.

You've got a girlfriend.

250 quid a night.

I think I fucked up.

What happened?

Need a hand?

Bruv, how did you get that?

Called in a favor.

Me, too.

Tell me you know how to fix one of these.

All day long, bruv.

By the way, I took your advice and spoke to Jasmine.

Shut up, really?

See?

Lee's always right.

Listen to you pair of pussies.

What?!

Listen old lady, we're havin' a moment.

A moment?

What are ya, girlies?

Hang on, I remember you.

You were at Tony's place.

Yeah and Terry's.

You are crazy, lady.

You should be at home doin' old lady things.

How have you got a gun?

Uh, Krish?

Bruv, I'm tryin' to mediate the situation here.

No, listen to the radio.

Lady bat the fuck down, turn around

before I call the police.

Listen to your friend.

She is the police.

But she was...

Ooh shit, we're fucked.

It's just the lady we was lookin' for.

See for years now we've been paying you off.

To be honest, you've become a bit

of a bad investment for us.

Every time we have a bit of cake, you want a slice.

We have a sausage, you want a munch.

Well now, sausages.

You've become bad for business, alright?

We think it's about time we renegotiate your contract.

Ain't that right, Terry?

Now I think you've been takin' the fuckin' piss

and now you're gettin' yours.

Get in the car, dad.

Boom,.

Rule one, when you can't play fight, put a gun in your hand.

You got a gun in your hand, use it.

Point it at her, pull the thing.

Okay, you're out of bullets.

Sometimes this happens.

You bastard!

Who are you?

- I'm a cop. - Oh good.

Now we're gonna die, bruv.

Why are these cops so twisted, man?

Relax, I'm a good guy.

Where's your Al Queda contact?

Al Queda?

We don't know Al Queda.

You were photographed leaving an Al Queda suspect's house.

No.

Ooh, he means Ahmed.

Ahmed ain't a terrorist, he's a drug dealer

and we only saw the weed, we didn't inhale any.

What about the Russians?

Roxanna?

Roxanna's our ex-boss and I think

she might be leaving so you best deport her.

How do you explain that you were seen

talking to a former foreign secretary?

- Who? - Mr Lauren.

It's fighty pokey time!

Ooh yeah!

He was a freak.

I still have bite marks.

Bite marks?

- Yeah, he's a bad man. - A bad man.

And the Nigerians?

come out of here!

What, Olu's here?

We owe our landlord some rent.

Terry and Tony?

They're dead.

Yeah they're involved in some weird turf war.

You two have no idea what you were

in the middle of here, do ya?

Go on then, fuck off out of here.

I'll take care of this.

Dispatch this is DI Thompson, I've got a situation here.

Can you send all units?

Several casualties, over.

Alright babe, how was the shopping?

Christ, you can't even die properly, can you?

You take me to the hospital?

No Chi-chi's got a haircut,

then I need to return two pairs of shoes.

I could do it after.

Yup, that'll do.

Okay, come on.

- Oh. - Oh, get up.

I might have just lost a pint of blood.

- Oh shut up. - Ow.

For God's sake.

Be careful, don't get blood on my dress.

No babe, sorry babe.

Jesus Christ you're heavy.

I will ring your mother about this, I have to say.

What now?

Pull over!

Stop the fuckin' car!

Stop the fuck...

Pull over.

How're we, lads?

Seamus, what happened?

We heard what happened to you over the police radio there.

Police radio?

Yeah, police radio.

All of us travelers have the police radio

just in case we need to keep an eye

on what the buggers are up to.

Anyway, we thought you better have this.

What's this?

It's just a little somethin' we picked up for Terry

from the old laundry there.

But now that he's gone and got murdered,

God rest his fat ugly soul.

We thought since yous were his last employees,

yous are rightfully entitled to it.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, 'course I'm sure.

You boys are alright.

Yous are some crack, lemme tell ya.

Good man.

Good man, yourself.

Take it easy now.

Come on boys, let's go.

Let's go.

You're in the back this time.

I'm not gettin' in the back.

Shut up!

Later, boys.

Watch yourselves now.

What do we do with this?

We can spend it

or

Work hard.

Alright, bruv.

No scratchcards, no weed.

It's time to shine.

Mmm, mmm.

Hi guys, I've got something for you.

Hiya, boys.

Hi guys, did you missa me?

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