Original subtitles

Gabby and Wesley: Luchachos.

Luchachos.

??

Gabby and Wesley: Luchachos. Luchachos. Luchachos. Luchachos.

Luchachos. Luchachos...

- (grunting) - Luchachos. Luchachos.

Hold on. It gets really good right around the eight-minute mark.

Please, just tell me what this is about.

Well, as you know,

the Luchachos' 25th anniversary party is coming up.

And no one loves this place more than we do.

I might get a tattoo.

- Mm. - So we help wanna make sure your party's lit.

Wesley's dad knows a guy who knows a guy

who can get us a fog machine.

- I'm gonna stop you right there. - (Mama Chacho clears throat)

Un momento while I confer with Mama Chacho.

(indistinct whispering)

If you wanna help, you can hang streamers,

or something. Just please. Stop bothering us.

(chuckles softly)

- Should we get started on an elaborate thank you video? - Absolutely.

Please don't.

Gabby (sing-song): Fog machine!

(theme song playing)

? Oh, yeah ?

? I do normal like a fish rides a bicycle ?

? Fit in like summer and an icicle ?

? Don't fight it, just be an original ?

? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

? I roller skate outside the lines ?

? When I try to stay in, it's no surprise ?

? It's a fail, it's okay, I'm one of a kind ?

? One of a, one of a kind ?

? So anytime I feel some type of way ?

? Don't understand the human race ?

? So what, so what, so what ?

? I do my thing, I do my thing ?

? You do your thing, You do your thing ?

? When we don't fit in ?

? We stand out in the crowd and we shout it loud ?

? I do my thing, I do my thing ?

? I'm the one and only, I'm the one and only ?

? Don't try to fit in, Don't try to fit in ?

? Mm-hmm, I do my thing ?

Volunteering to help set up for the anniversary party?

Who loves Luchachos more than us?

No one.

You know, I haven't lived in Havensburg long,

but we've already racked up so many memories there.

It's where we first met.

Hey, you just moved here, right?

- Gabby Duran? - Buckets.

We're gonna be best friends.

I can feel it.

- Uh... - (snaps)

Right!

Totally remember that.

- (jingling) - Aah!

(Wesley gasping and panting)

Is it on me?

- (jingling) - Also, what is it?

(whispers): If it's a scorpion, blink twice.

- (energy shimmering) - (grunting)

(grunting continues)

So, no joke,

crazy six-legged alien monster lizard was gonna be my next guess.

I'm pet-sitting again.

This little dude's Jonas.

- He's a Zaroodian Invisa-Lizard. - Wesley: Ah.

I wish I could turn invisible.

Then I could really dance like no one was watching, you know?

(Jonas groaning)

Gabby: He's been acting kind off lately, though.

He's just been lying around all day.

- Aw. A sad Jonas. - (Jonas grunts)

Hey, maybe we could bring him with us,

so I can keep an eye on him.

I don't know.

Luchachos has a pretty strict no pets policy.

Come on, we're their best customers.

Besides, no one's gonna see it.

Literally.

Jeremy: I'm just asking for your trust, Principal.

You know, all the way out here on Earth,

millions of light years from home,

all you and I have is each other.

I know I've messed up a lot of things in the past,

but I've been trying to change.

I really have.

Sometimes, all people really need is a second chance.

I'm not giving you the Wi-Fi password, Jeremy.

Oh, come on! Why not?

Because you'll probably change it to "butt taquitos"

or something else, and lock me out.

You don't take anything seriously around here.

(grunts, then hums)

- Aah. - Jeremy: Uh...

Why are you putting your hair in a jar like a weirdo?

Well, I've been feeling a bit sluggish lately,

so I've decided to embark on a special Gor-Monite cleanse.

That gross-looking tar drink

will supposedly make me feel youthful,

- and more vibrant. - (bubbling)

However, it will also wipe my shape-shifting memory

completely clean.

So, I'll need to eat this hair afterwards

if ever want to shape-shift into my human form again.

(chuckles)

What are you...

Why are you looking at it like that?

No reason. Enjoy your cleanse.

- (doors whir open) - (bubbling)

Very well.

Let's get youthful, and more vibrant, shall we?

(moans)

(groans, then gasps)

(slugging)

- (gulps) - (groans)

(exhales)

- Whoo. - (squishing noises)

Oh, I regret this!

(yells)

(both inhale, then sigh)

Que bonitas.

Lucille: Ah!

I see you're admiring Mama Chachos'

special anniversary carnitas.

She only makes it once every 25 years.

They say it's the warmest, thickest,

sauciest carnitas in the land.

It's been marinating for almost nine months.

Like a beautiful meat baby.

It'll be the centerpiece of the anniversary celebration.

(all inhaling)

(sighs)

Okay, you've breathed on it enough.

(mariachi music playing)

Think we've hung up enough streamers?

Wes, this is Luchachos.

Our sanctuary.

Our home away from home.

(chuckles) We need so many more streamers.

You keep hanging. I'm gonna go check on Jonas.

Hey, Gabby?

Yeah?

Is it just me, or are we, like,

the best customers in the world?

We are, without a doubt,

the best customers in the world.

(unzipping)

(gasps)

(Gabby pants)

- (jingling) - Wesley: Where's Jonas?

Uh, that's not good.

Principal Swift: Jeremy!

Did you do something with my backup hair?

Uhhhhhhhh...

(mocking Principal Swift) I'm Principal Swift. Look at me.

I've got a mustache.

(wind howling)

I know what you're gonna say, and in my defense,

I don't care that you don't actually have a mustache.

So, you mad, bro?

Furious, yes.

But I also feel amazingly refreshed

from my cleanse, so, um, it's complicated.

But regardless, without that hair,

I can no longer morph into my human form,

which means there's only one thing left to do.

Pack your bags, Jeremy.

You and I have a date with Bodean Jones.

What's a Bodean Jones?

(frantic panting)

- (grunting noises) - Wesley: There!

- Huh? - (grunting noises continue)

(Jonas yelps)

? ?

(Gabby gasps)

Where'd he go?

The table!

- (Jonas squeaks) - (Wesley gasps)

- (crashing) - (Gabby yells)

(clattering)

I don't get it!

Where'd it get all this energy from?

It was barely moving at my house.

It's going up the wall!

? ?

(grunting)

Tear it down. I'll catch it.

But the streamers!

Were magnificent, I know. But just do it!

- (rips) - (rustling)

Jonas, where are you?

- He's invisible again. - (Lucille gasps)

What did you do?

(groans)

Uhhhhh... a hornet got in here.

A big hornet.

So most of this is him.

Gotcha.

? ?

- (yells) - (gasps)

- (Wesley grunts) - (thuds)

- (Jonas grunting) - (whooshing)

(sloshing)

(grunting)

(thuds)

Lucille: The pi�ata! (Gasps)

(thuds)

Ooh.

You can't kick us out. We're your best customers!

Julius, buddy, you got our backs, right?

They've never tipped. Not once.

Okay, so feel free to ignore Julius.

(indistinct whispering)

You are banned from Luchachos. For life.

(breathing heavily)

So we loved a restaurant from the bottom of our hearts

and we get banned for life. Who cares?

Yeah. We've already found a great new place.

(exhales) I don't know about you, but I, for one,

am feelin' pretty good about Mert's.

You're being too loud.

(whispers): Sorry, Mildred.

- (coughing loudly) - (pouring)

(loud coughing continues)

- (coughing) - What's your soup of the day?

Brown.

Know what?

I'll go for it.

Do you guys have any quesadillas?

I don't know what that means.

But I can get you a club sandwich.

- (jingling) - I'll just stick with my coffee water. Thank you.

Uh-huh.

(sighs)

(unzips)

- (Jonas grunts) - (Gabby chuckles softly)

(munching)

On the bright side, Jonas seems to be doing much better.

You're still being too loud.

Again, so sorry.

(bell rings)

Ruth: Here you go.

Two club sandwiches.

But we didn't order...

Hey, Gabby?

Yeah?

Are we gonna be okay?

I don't know, Wes.

I don't know.

- You're still being too... - We get it, Mildred!

(gasps)

(whispers): Sorry.

Jeremy: I'm sorry, Principal.

I know how important that human form is to you,

and I let you down.

I know I've said this before, very recently,

but I'm gonna change.

From here on out, I'm gonna be so serious.

Sandwich-Swift: I'm sorry, Jeremy, but I just don't believe you.

And now, thanks to you,

we have to travel all the way across the country

to get a new DNA sample from my human original.

But did you have to eat my sandwich?

I was really looking forward to that.

And now you know what it feels like

to have something you find precious taken from you.

Man, I really wanna eat you right now.

(whimpers)

Sandwich-Swift: Thankfully, this should be a painless task.

All we have to do is track down

my human original, Bodean Jones,

and get a sample of his DNA.

It's as simple as that.

Jeremy: Bodean Jones, here we...

- (bells tolling) - Jeremy: He's dead?

This could be...

problematic.

On the plus side, you look great as a sandwich.

(grunting)

- (energy shimmering) - Gabby: So there you go.

Your Invisa-Lizard is all safe and sound.

(sighs) Where are the eggs?

Excuse me?

Jonas was pregnant when I gave him to you.

Now he's not. Where are the eggs?

So he wasn't sick...

He was pregnant?

I need those eggs. I have...

plans for them.

Uh, what kind of plans?

Invisa-Lizard eggs only hatch upon ingestion.

So whoever eats them

barfs up invisible baby lizards.

And the experience is sublime.

Okay, so Jimbuk's creepy.

Definitely.

But also, we should probably find those alien lizard eggs

before someone else does. Right?

Definitely.

How can we find the eggs?

When Invisa-Lizards lay their eggs,

they also shed their skin at the same time.

And usually, they prefer an environment

that is warm, thick, and saucy.

Okay. (chuckles)

What can we think of that's warm, thick, and saucy?

- (bubbling) - Wesley: Is that...

Gabby: Invisa-Lizard skin?

Yeah.

So everyone at the party who eats the anniversary meat...

Is gonna barf up invisible baby alien lizards.

- (Wesley pants) - This is bad.

What are we gonna do?

The anniversary party is gonna be ruined.

This is gonna ruin a lot more than just the party, Wes.

Even if no one sees the invisible lizards,

when people start puking stuff up,

Luchachos is definitely gonna get closed down.

Gabby, are we... bad customers?

I'm starting to think we might be.

We can't let this happen.

Luchachos has been too good to us.

You know, up until they justifiably banned us for life.

Okay. We've got four hours till this party,

and there is absolutely no way they are letting us through that door.

Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Sounds like we're gonna need...

the perfect heist.

(funk music playing)

(inaudible)

(in Australian accent): G'day, mate.

(in Australian accent): G'day, mate.

- (in Australian accent): G'day, mate. - Okay, that one, I bought.

This decoy meat is perfect!

Call me crazy,

but I really think we're gonna pull this off.

Oh, we're 100% pulling this off.

Absolutely not.

We banned you guys, remember?

(in Australian accent): Oh, no, mate. You're mistaken.

- We're the caterers. - (in Australian accent): G'day!

We're a restaurant.

Why would be need outside catering?

And what is going on with that pi�ata?

- (mariachi music playing) - (dripping)

(in Australian accent): Well, it's definitely not filled with decoy meat,

if that's what you're thinkin'.

Okay.

Was there a moment at any point

where you thought this was actually gonna work?

(in Australian accent): I still think it might.

Lucille: Who wants carnitas?

- (sloshing) - (tense music playing)

? ?

Plan B?

- (both yelling) - Julius: Ooh! Huh!

Hey! What...

Gabby and Wesley: Don't. Eat. That. Meat!

- (thuds) - (commotion)

- Wesley: Whoa! - (slapping)

- I'm sorry, I'm coming through. - (hits)

(yells)

- (slaps) - Oh, no!

- (Gabby gasps) - (Wesley yells)

- (Gabby grunts) - (customer grunts)

Huh?

Now, it's a double lifetime ban.

You will never eat at this establishment again.

- Customers: Good! Get out. - Gabby: Wait.

Look, I get it.

We're terrible customers.

We never tip. We're constantly making messes.

I put my mouth directly on the horchata dispenser all the time.

- Mm. - Gabby: Honestly,

I would have banned us, too.

But the thing is, we still love this place.

And because we love it so much,

I'm begging you,

do not eat that meat.

Un momento.

Mama Chacho would like to speak.

Throw these bums out!

Man: Get 'em out!

No, no, no. No. Wait.

- (crowd chattering) - Oh, wait. Wait, wait.

Man: Hey!

Lucille: What are you doing?

- (sloshing) - (crowd chattering)

? ?

(gasps)

(stomach gurgling)

- (retches) - (crowd exclaims)

La carne del diablo!

(grunting)

(splashes)

- (groans) - (spits)

(Sandwich-Swift sobbing)

Sandwich-Swift: I'll never be Principal Principal Swift again.

I loved that body.

But you can just get a new body, right?

That body could dunk, Jeremy!

Oh, you wouldn't understand.

You've never dunked anything in your life.

(distant rustling)

What the...

(grunts)

Hey!

(panting)

Jeremy: Get back here!

- (thuds) - (yells)

(panting) Ooh!

(with Southern twang): You ain't with the insurance company, are ya?

(panting) Just hear me out.

There's a, a reason I faked my own death.

And there's also a, a reason

I'm always creepin' around my own grave.

You gotta believe me.

I'm a complicated man, with a complicated tale.

Not interested, pal.

I need to get a piece of your hair for my uncle,

and I'm not gonna stop until I do.

Do you see how serious this face is?

That's a pretty serious face.

And if I just give you a piece of my hair,

you won't tell no one that you saw me here?

Just gimme the hair.

Fine, fine, fine.

- (plucks) - (grunts)

Here you go.

(breathes heavily) But if anyone asks,

(whispers): I'm a dead man.

Remember that. Remember that.

Baller.

(Sandwich-Swift panting) Oh!

Well done, Jeremy. You got the DNA sample.

Yup. Once again,

I'm able to swoop in and clean up another one of your messes.

That is not at all what happened.

Now, just give me the hair.

(chomps)

- (sloshing) - (energy surging)

(sighs)

- (gasps) - (Principal Swift gasps, then laughs)

Ooh. Oh.

Ha ha. (kisses)

Oh, these glorious long limbs...

It feels good to be back.

- (Principal Swift chuckles) - (gasping)

A talking sandwich that can transform into my very likeness?

Looks like Bodean Jones' complicated tale

just got even more complicated.

Is it just me,

or do the taquitos taste even better than usual today?

It tastes like home, Wes.

(sighs) It all tastes like home.

I wanted to thank you again.

Turns out, Mama Chacho's carnitas recipe

relies heavily on possum skin.

And may not be totally up to health code.

How'd you know?

When you love a place, you just know.

And from here on out, we will be your best customers.

And I'm almost always a man of my word.

We'll see.

Welp, looks like we're done here.

(coins clinking)

(coins clattering)

Hey.

You forgot your giant pile of nickels and pennies.

Wesley: No.

That's for you.

Look at us. We tip now.

(chuckles) We'll work on it.

(mariachi music playing)

Gabby: On the season finale of Gabby Duran and the Unsittables...

"You have been carefully selected to babysit an alien tonight

on another planet."

My answer is no!

Looks like Gabby D. Is going to space.

- (yelling): Skyward! - (whooshing)

(dance music playing)

(energy surging)

(whirling)

(chattering)

? One, two, three, go ?

- (gasps) - Aah!

(aliens growling and groaning)

(all growling)

(nervous chuckling)

Gabby: Hey, guys!

??

Man: Gorgeous.

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