Original subtitles

(bull galloping)

(glass breaking)

(upbeat music)

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Oh yeah

* I found, I found

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Mm yeah

* On way

* You and me, we got it special *

* On way

* Something good it makes ourselves glow *

* I've been waiting all day long *

* For you to come home baby

- So baby, did you like the movie?

I mean, I thought it was pretty good.

- It was okay.

- Yeah, but dinner was cool though right?

- Salmon was dry but overall it was filling, I guess.

- Well hey you know, I mean, money's tight these days.

I'm still trying to keep you happy though.

- Yeah well, keep trying.

I don't know why you're taking this route anyway.

Just look, turn down this street right here.

Right here. - No.

- Right here.

- Felicia, you know the police.

They be all up and down that street now,

even at this time of night.

- Look just do it.

God, you never listen to me.

I don't, just drive the way I tell you to drive alright?

- Okay, but you know the last thing I need

is another ticket these days.

Okay, it's dark but the coast seems clear.

- Of course it's clear.

(police sirens blaring)

- [Eric] What?

What I do?

- [Felicia] Yeah, what did you do, Eric?

You always doing something wrong.

(motorcycle engine revving)

- [Operator] 1393, is there a message?

- Both hands on the steering wheel.

- Alright.

Just on a date with my girl, man.

Did I do something wrong?

- I'll ask the questions.

Now, do you know why I pulled you over?

- Wasn't 'cause I was speeding, was I?

- Was he?

- [Cop] No.

- Well, it couldn't be 'cause I'm riding

with a white woman 'cause she's only half white.

- License, registration, proof of insurance please.

- Alright well I gotta take my hands off the steering wheel.

- Slowly.

- Knew I shouldn't have let you drive.

- It'll probably just be a warning.

- [Cop] I'll be right back.

- Yo, I just, there's always policemen on this street.

I know that.

- I knew I shouldn't have let you drive.

- I'm sure he'll let me off with a warning, you know.

- I need you to sign this.

- Sign?

What?

I don't even know what I did.

- [Cop] Have a nice day.

- Well what's the charge, genius?

- Impeding the flow of traffic?

What traffic?

I'm a victim of DWB.

- Well, you just had to go mess up the night,

didn't you Pointdexter?

- Mess up the night?

Wait a minute.

I'm the one who got pulled over for driving too slow.

You know what?

I don't usually pull the race card,

but I don't see no probable cause

for that cop to be stopping me.

- Oh, let me stop you right there.

The probable cause is that you're always

too cautious and conservative,

and we both know you can't afford

a ticket right now, Mister Unemployed.

- Well damn.

Why you gotta kick me when I'm down?

I mean, so what?

I got laid off.

They were cutting back on jobs, you know.

It's a sign of the times.

Not my performance. - Yeah.

That was a month ago, Eric.

- Well I'm interviewing.

I mean, I am pretty positive some things

are gonna pan out, too.

You know I mean, the economy is turning around

and change is gonna come.

- You're right, Eric.

I think it's time for a change.

- That's what I'm talking 'bout.

Now see I was thinking redecorating.

You know, reinventing myself.

Changing some paintings.

We gon' get it nice and grown and sexy in here, huh.

I mean, we both getting older, right?

- You know, Eric, that's not exactly the type

of change I was talking about.

- Oh.

- Yeah, we're both getting older,

and I think it's time that I cash in my chips

on something a bit more substantial before it's too late.

I'm knocking loudly on the door of 30, Eric.

- I didn't know you were into gambling.

I mean, I just didn't know.

You never really told me.

What's your game?

Poker?

Blackjack?

- Yeah, Eric, I've gambled a whole two years on you

and I need to fold before it's too late.

- You know they say black folks supposed

to stick together in times like these?

That's what they say.

* Kumbaya my Lord

* Kumbaya

Come on.

* Kumbaya my Lord

* Kumbaya

Sing with me.

Come on, it feels good.

- Eric.

* Kumbaya

- Eric.

You just don't get it, do you darling?

I gotta go.

- What?

Claire wouldn't have walked out on Cliff.

- Honey, Cliff was paid.

- You know, sometimes I wish I was born Jewish.

(bright music)

- Eric Brown?

He is I and I am him.

- Slim with no titled brim.

Mr. Cohen, the hiring manager, is ready for you.

- Great.

- Well please follow me.

- Alright.

(upbeat music)

Thank you.

Thank you.

- [Mr. Cohen] Have a seat.

- [Eric] Oh yeah.

Eric Brown.

- Rob Cohen.

So, what was your impression?

- Oh, this is a great company.

I know that.

I did a lot of research.

- (laughs) I don't mean about the company.

I mean, we'll get around to that.

- Oh.

- I mean about Kim.

- Kim, Kim?

Oh, she's nice.

Yeah, very pleasant.

- No, come on, bro.

You know what I'm talking about.

I know.

You're just here for the job.

I just wanna let you know though

that if I hire you, you can't.

You know.

- No, sir, no.

No.

Believe me.

My focus is so far from that.

I don't even advocate, you know, workplace romance.

- Mhmm.

- [Eric] Yes.

- Anyway, so do you have a resume?

- Yes, yes.

Here you go.

- Well Eric, you're already ahead of the game.

Most candidates who walk through that door

don't even bring a copy of their resume with 'em.

- Well I like to be prepared.

- Good.

- Yeah girl, he didn't even call me back.

I wonder why.

Ooh, let me call you back.

Hi.

- Hi.

- Who are you here to see?

- I'm here for an interview with Mr. Cohen.

- Oh, just as I thought.

Just have a seat and we'll be right with you shortly.

- Oh thank you, ma'am.

- Alex.

- Eric.

Hey man.

- Hey, hey.

Don't tell me you're here for the account executive's job.

- Ah, think you just told you.

- Oh wow.

Well hopefully one of us get it.

- There you go.

- Yeah, okay.

Cool cool.

- So, you holding up okay?

- Brother, I got no other choice, right?

- Yeah, yeah.

We should hang out sometime.

Maybe go get a drink or something.

You still got my cell number?

- Yeah, yeah.

It's on the old employee contact list, right?

- There you go.

- Okay, cool.

Well, good luck I guess.

Alright man.

- Take care.

- Alright.

(upbeat music)

- [Man] Is that my L7 relative?

- What up, cuz?

- Aye, shh.

Quit talking like that over here, nigga.

That's blasphemy.

You'll fuck around and get your noodles knocked off, man.

- Oh shit.

I forgot where I was.

Man, I'm sorry.

- Man, what you doing over here anyway?

- I had a job interview around the corner

so I had to get my sugar fix.

You want one?

- Hell yeah.

Give me some of them motherfuckers, nigga.

Good looking.

Job interview?

- Yeah.

- Nigga, you always keep a job.

Nigga, you out of work?

- Yeah, man.

I mean, the company downsized and I got laid off.

- Man, that's the same shit my old slave

told me three years ago.

Fuck it.

Nigga like me just pimp my unemployment for like 18 months.

When that shit ran out, your boy started supplementing

his income with, you know, various business ventures.

You know you tie niggas know what I'm talking 'bout.

- Yeah.

- Fuck a recession, you feel me?

- Yeah, I know.

- You gon' be alright though.

You got that college degree.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

You gon' be straight man but in the meantime,

if you need a little short term loan or something,

you know you can holla at me.

I'm kinda like the hood lender.

You feel me?

- Dontae, you a loan shark, too?

- Call it what you want, nigga,

but if you need that bread fuck with me.

I'ma give you the family discount.

You know what I'm saying?

Half off the interest rates.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

- [Eric] Yeah.

- I fucks with you my nigga.

- Alright okay.

- Fuck with me, man.

- Alright well, I'll take that into consideration.

- For sure, nigga.

Aye and what happened to that bad bitch

you was fucking with?

The little light skinned something, man.

Look like Maria Carey, man.

Me, John John, George, P.

Everybody wanted to fuck that bitch.

We was looking at her.

You brought her to the barbecue.

Niggas was on that bitch.

I wanted to slam that bitch.

- Well, we broke up, man.

- Oh you broke up with her?

- Yeah.

- Aw shit, that's cool.

You might as well gon' let your boy take

that for a test drive.

Slide your nigga that number, man.

Slide me that number, man.

Ain't no fun if blood can't have none.

You love her, don't you?

I'm just playing with you.

I'm just messing with you.

I'm just messing with you, my nigga.

Come on, man.

It's me.

It's me.

- I'm tripping.

I know you playing.

Okay.

- I'ma go in here and get this milk

'cause this bitch gon' start blowing me up

and I don't feel like hearing.

I gotta be in before the street lights come on.

- I got you, okay.

- But look here.

I got big love for you, E.

- Aye, I love you, too.

- Ever since we was little, man,

we was little tiny niggas.

You know what I'm saying?

I got love for you, man.

If you need that bread, if you need some kush,

if you need some work put in on your behalf.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Like you need a nigga laid down.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Columbian neck tie.

Nigga come through the ski mask way with the AR.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Nigga got silence and shit.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Really just do niggas bad.

Glocks, whatever.

Come up to your job.

Oh you ain't got no job.

- I'm cool.

- But when you get a job if you need me to, I come up there.

- Yeah nah I'm good.

I'm good, D.

- [Dontae] For sure.

Holla at me.

- Thanks though.

Alright.

- Tell Auntie Jackie I said what's up.

- [Eric] Okay.

- Aye, you know I do that plumbing too, my nigga.

- Cool, D.

- For sure.

(upbeat music)

- What took yo ass so long?

- You didn't go stop off and get some dong

from one of your ratty ass clients, did you?

- Man, you always gotta say some stupid shit, man.

I stopped and hollered at my cousin Eric, man.

That nigga was at the store.

- That bougie ass negro in this neighborhood?

Yeah right.

- Man, that's what I'm saying.

Nigga say he was just pushing through real quick though

on the way back from a little job interview or something.

- Oh really?

Then maybe you can learn something from him.

- Oh, you upwardly mobile motherfucker.

It's funny but some kinda way the bills

stay getting paid 'round this motherfucker.

You ain't never seen no red notice.

- I guess.

- I guess.

And I guess you ain't got no problem

smoking my motherfucking good shit.

Girl you better stay out my stash, man.

That's my good shit, man.

- And if I don't?

- Let me hit something.

You should let me hit something.

- Sorry bruh.

You gotta get your own.

- Aint' that a bitch.

- Sure is.

I'm just playing.

Here babe.

- You better act right 'round this.

- Whatever fool.

- Shit.

- Hurry up.

Shit.

Blow that shit out.

- Look, look, check this out.

You know what?

Speaking of blowing, I had seen this video

on the internet earlier where it looked like

a little two fisted flute technique.

Didn't you tell me you played something?

What you played in high school?

- Are you kidding me?

- I'm just saying.

Just gon' hook me up.

Let's take it to the bathroom for a minute.

- Nigga, you crazy (laughs),

but I guess since I'm in a good mood you know.

I might could hook you up.

- Yeah and after that you can hook up that cornbread

with that milk I just brought back.

Get yo ass up and cook something.

Hurry up.

- I guess, for sure.

But could you pass me that blunt back though?

- [Dontae] Pass these nuts.

(bright music)

- So Kim, tell me a little more about yourself.

- What else is there to know, Gary?

- How 'bout what else do you like to do besides eat?

- Well, let's see.

I like to travel and shop.

- Shop.

Okay, is that it?

- Yup, pretty much.

- Excuse me.

Yes.

- Yes, how can I help you?

- Yes, I like to order something to go, please.

- Let me get you the desert menu.

- Oh no.

I'd like to order the jambalaya with extra shrimp

and a side of macaroni and cheese.

- Would you like some cornbread with that?

It's $1.50 extra.

- Yeah, that sounds good.

Three of those.

Four, four.

- Can I get anything for you, sir?

- No, thank you.

Just the check, please.

Damn, Kim.

So you've obviously come out very hungry tonight.

You planning on having a late night snack or something?

- No, lunch for tomorrow.

- Lunch?

Okay.

- Here you go.

- [Kim] So where we going next?

Movies?

Show?

- Damn.

We going half on this?

- [Kim] We going whole on you.

- How 'bout hole up in you.

- Everything okay, baby?

- Yeah.

I'm gonna go home now.

- You don't have to go.

You can stay the night if you want.

- That's okay.

(soft music)

- What's wrong?

- This situation is what's wrong.

- What do you mean?

- I can't go on just being a booty call.

- What are you talking about?

- Alex, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

You've only taken me out twice

since the first time we met.

- Well you know, money's a little tight these days.

- It doesn't have to be much.

An occasional movie night.

A walk on the beach.

Something.

Why haven't I met any of your friends yet?

- I don't have many friends.

- Liar, liar, liar.

Alex, I'm done.

I'm more than a piece of ass and I'm done settling for less.

Goodnight Alex.

- Well, guess a new spot on the roster just opened up.

Damn.

I gotta clean my bathroom every time a woman comes over.

Look at this.

They act like they can't never come in the damn bathroom

without leaving their DNA.

Shit.

Lipstick on the tissue paper.

A player's work is never done.

(bright music)

- [Eric] Hey man, you know what sucks?

Neither of us got that job we interviewed for.

- [Alex] Yeah, that would've been nice

to work under that chick Kim.

You feel me?

- [Eric] Oh yeah.

Ah yes, she was cute in a mature kinda way, you know.

Man you know, I hope we at least get a callback

from one of those employers in there.

I must've put in 20 resumes this time.

- I don't know 'bout these ole job fairs anyway.

Sometimes they can be a waste of time,

but I appreciate you putting me on though, you know.

- Oh yeah, no problem man.

No problem.

I mean, one can only hope for so much, you know yeah.

Like three months severance pay and unemployment,

that's only gonna take you so far, right?

- Three months?

- Yeah.

- You got three months?

- Yeah, didn't you?

- Nah, they only gave me two.

Rat bastards.

- Damn.

Well I'm sure it's because you know I probably

worked there a little bit before you.

Yeah, that's what it was.

- Say you still seeing that little light skinned honey dip

you brought to the Christmas party last year?

- Nah man, we broke up recently.

- Dang.

Ooh, that was a bad broad there.

- Yeah thanks.

- It's for the best anyway.

Relationships too expensive.

- Dating ain't any cheaper.

- You kidding me?

- Nah, I mean.

- Let me tell you something.

You need to get back out there more.

- Ah man, come on.

- I mean I can tell you all hurt up inside.

Could see it coming out of your pores.

- What?

Really?

- Yeah, you need to date more.

See new booty will dry those tears.

Get out there and date and the first key

to dating is to be creative.

You see creativity will help you

supplement excessive spending.

Now unemployed or not, we never wanna waste time or money.

- So how do I do that, man?

I mean, be creative?

- Well, you start by talking to every

fine woman that you see.

- Aw man.

- Then you have little icebreaker dates.

Starbucks, beaches, parks,

and any other local cost or free shit.

See you never wanna get caught up

spending $50 or $60 on some date

that's not gonna lead to you hitting it.

Trust me.

- Damn, Alex.

I never knew you was such a lady killer.

- Unfortunately we can't write bad dates off on our taxes.

We gotta make sure we get the most bang for our buck.

- Yeah, I got you.

- And you smoke out any girls that's not putting out.

No problem.

And even then once you do get 'em in bed,

then you wanna make sure that you never spend

more than $40 on a date?

Anything more is ridiculous.

- Okay.

No, I mean thanks for the information, man.

- Yeah, no problem.

Brother, it's war out there.

- War?

- Say, I feel like getting a bite.

You wanna get something to eat?

- Yeah.

Nah I'm hungry.

Yeah, let's do it.

- Yeah, let's go.

There's a spot up there.

- Okay.

War.

- [Alex] It's war, brother.

- [Kim] So what are you gonna be doing

on your free weekend?

- Girl, I'm just happy to be child free.

I think I might just relax.

- No hot dates on the books?

- With kids, dating is hard.

The caliber of men that I like just don't want a woman

with two kids in the twilight of her life.

On that note, I shall sip.

- Deborah, you are way too hard on yourself, girl, for real.

- Ask me would I trade places with you.

Wait a minute. - Alright.

- Ask me after about two more of these

and I'll give you an honest answer.

- (laughs) Girl, I don't think you'd wanna trade places

with my $32,000 a year making ass anyway.

- On that note, I shall drink.

- Remember my boss is a Jew.

- What about your dating prospects?

- Oh I've been dating a lot but see my primary purpose

for dating right now is to supplement my income.

- [Deborah] What?

- Oh, now hold on.

I got my dude that I'm cool with.

We're not committed or anything,

but we get together when I need

to give me a little peace, you know.

Now the rest of the guys, that's where I get my free meals

and my entertainment off of.

- Don't you think that's kind of scandalous?

- Not at all.

Chile, I ain't forcing none of these guys to take me out.

If they gon' ask me, then shoot I'ma take a free date.

It's kinda fun actually.

- Oh, I supposed you can do that

sort of thing when you're single.

- Well, think about it like this.

If I'm going out at least three times a week,

how much you think I'm saving on my grocery bill, girl?

Shoot now you know how hard it is

for a sister these days.

- I see your point but what do you do

when they wanna get some?

- That's when they get cut off.

- At least you're dating.

Most of the men I go out with,

once they find out I have two kids, they don't call anymore,

but I can't say that I blame 'em

because if they really got it going on,

why would they wanna be bothered with my baggage?

- Girl, now you got this nice house,

you got a good job and your kids.

All you really need is a decent brother

to come and service your account from time to time.

(laughing)

- I suppose you're right.

- I've done the marriage thing.

Now it's time for it to be about me.

- Yes.

That's right.

- [Alex] You see, the Promenade is the perfect place

to troll for broads.

- Now are we only looking for black women?

- Nah, nah.

See you talk to every fine woman you see.

Black women, white women, Asian women, Latino women.

- Hey.

- The goal is to conquer all four corners of the earth.

- Yeah.

- Ooh, I'd like to hit that.

- Now see man, I only dated black women

so I wouldn't know what to say to the others.

- You say the same things to others

as you say to black women.

See the good thing is the others generally turn you down

with more dignity and tact and less attitude.

Oh, take note.

Take note.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Hey, how you doing?

- [Woman] I'm fine, thank you.

- Good, nice colors.

- [Woman] Yeah, we match.

- Yeah and maybe meant to be.

- (laughs) Maybe.

- I know you shopping and everything.

I just wanted to introduce myself.

Hi, my name's Alex.

- Hi, Alex.

I'm Kate.

Nice to meet you.

- As in Jackson right?

- That's right.

- My favorite angel of Charlie's.

- I'm impressed.

You have a nice smile.

- Well thank you.

- I'm really sorry but I gotta go.

My parking meter's gonna run out.

- Oh yeah yeah.

They don't play out here.

- No, but we can keep in contact if you'd like to.

If you can save my number quickly.

- Absolutely.

- It's 213-545-7777.

- [Alex] Got it.

- Call me.

- Alright, Kate.

- Nah.

Nah man, come on.

Tell me you didn't get the number.

- Then I would be lying to you, my friend.

- Aw man.

- You see, everyone gets turned down, but the great ones,

they never expect to be turned down.

- Ah.

Hope it happens to me soon.

- Ah, in due time.

In due time.

But for now, let's see what's happening

with these sisters out here.

- Yeah.

- This episode might be a bit more predictable.

Let's go.

- Alright.

(upbeat music)

- [Alex] Oh, here's one.

Here's one, here's one, here's one.

- Yeah?

- [Alex] Be confident, be confident.

_ I got you.

- Hey, excuse me.

How you doing?

My name is Eric.

I was...

A nice dog you got there.

- [Alex] Oh, oh.

Check this out, man.

Check this.

Yeah, yeah, I like this.

Hey, how you doing?

- I'm cool.

- Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sure, but you'll be wasting your time.

- Very, very uncalled for but it proves my theory.

- Yeah, well we're gonna meet a cool sister.

I'm confident about that.

- Oh yeah, they're out here.

Just few and far in-between.

I mean they say the same thing about us, too, you know.

- But at least we give them the chance

to find out that we ain't about shit.

- Yeah, you got a point.

What about Christian women?

- What about them?

They have sex, too.

- I know that.

I'm just saying, you know.

Maybe they might be nicer, you know.

Easier to approach.

- Yeah, maybe.

I mean, some of the biggest freaks

I know are Christian women.

I do need to get back in the church.

Yeah, let me let that thought marinate.

- Yeah, you let that marinate like steak.

(upbeat music)

(knocking on door)

- Lil' Pimpin'.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] What's happening, man?

- What's happening, boy?

- You know how it is.

Me and my girl need us a little something

to get us by that's all.

- Okay, hold on dog.

You know I got you.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] Oh okay.

- Trina, go in the bedroom and put on some clothes

or something 'til I finish.

- Alright, for sure.

- You know Lil' Pimpin' thirsty as fuck.

I don't want him looking at you and shit.

My nigga.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] My nigga.

- Come on in.

- Let's go.

- What's happening?

- Oh not much, man.

I see you got your nice little Superfly hookup.

- Man, you already know, man.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] My dude.

- [Dontae] I am Superfly, nigga.

- Okay.

- [Dontae] You already know.

- You've always had that style about you.

- Yeah man so you know.

So what it do, man?

What can I do for you?

- I just need a double of that C list and we good.

That's all.

- Aw man, you ain't said nothing.

Let me gone to my stash.

- Okay.

Do your thing big homie.

- Here you go.

Some of the finest we got, baby.

Blow your motherfucking mind.

- My man.

Let's go.

There you go.

Good looking, big homie.

- Yes, sir.

You speaking my language, pimp.

- Yeah, I can smell it.

- Rain, sleet, snow.

Shit, you know where to go.

Fuck with me man.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

- What's up, man?

You straight?

What's up with you?

- I'm good, I'm good.

What's up?

- Aye, you know I got some of them new Niagara, my nigga.

- The ni who?

- Niagara nigga, you know.

Make your girl have the waterfall.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Same blue pill, bigger effect.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

- I'm trying to follow you.

- Lil' Pimpin', come on man.

The shit will have your shit harder than Chinese arithmetic.

Man, I'm serious.

Them motherfuckers be hard.

- (laughs) Nah.

- You be on concrete status all night.

- I'm good, homeboy.

I'm good what I got just right here.

I'm good.

- Look man, this shit is dope, man.

I'm trying to get you on these motherfuckers.

Check this out.

If you don't believe me, I'ma go 'head

and throw you a couple of 'em, man,

just so you can try out on me, my nigga.

- Try out on who?

- Come on.

- I'm fucking with you.

I'm fucking with you, big homie.

- You know what I'm talking about, nigga.

- I'm fucking with you.

- Take these motherfuckers though.

Nigga, your girl gon' thank me, man.

All you gon' need is one though, man.

- Just one?

- I guarantee you, man.

You gon' change that bitch life.

If you take both of 'em, you gon' end that bitch life.

You gon' put her in a coma,

blow her back out or something man.

- Oh yeah but some of the hoes I fuck with

need to be put in a coma.

- Yeah, I know.

You got some heavy bitches, my nigga.

Hey.

- They don't smell.

Good looking, man.

Yeah good looking.

I'ma tear it to the next level, man.

Take the game to the whole nother level

with one of these, man.

You said one?

- All you need is one.

Your girl gon' be walking bowlegged

and pigeon toes like mine.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] Say what?

- Yeah.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] Oh, so that's why she jumped up

out the sofa okay.

- [Dontae] This bitch walking around like she constipated.

They call me Mister X-lax.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] Oh stop it.

My man.

- [Dontae] You know what I'm talking about?

Better check that oil, pimp.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] Good looking, homie.

- [Dontae] Hey fuck with me though.

You know what I'm saying?

On my next week, I'm supposed to have some good, man.

You know my white boy from Hermosa Beach got some ugh.

- [Lil' Pimpin'] I'm with that, man.

I'll holla at you when you get off that bracket.

- For sure, my nigga.

Trina.

- Oh, what you got in your pocket?

- Oh, that ain't nothing but a little cheese (laughs).

- Wrong.

It's dinner.

- I thought you was cooking though.

- I changed my mind.

- Oh like that?

- Yeah, I deserve it.

What?

- How you figure?

- 'Cause I feed you, I fuck you,

and I don't fuck with you so two three equals four.

What?

- Whatever, man.

Check this out.

You gon' cook?

- You know what?

I think you just getting too comfortable

'cause I moved in here after a month of dating

and you got the coochie on the first night

so you just slipping now like you--

- Look, look, baby.

How long we been dating?

Trina, how long we been dating, baby?

- What you mean?

We been fucking around for what like three months now

and yes I said it fucking around

'cause we ain't dated for shit, okay.

And if we gon' start dating, we gotta start doing the things

that people that date do, okay.

- You know you always tripping

with your little black woman neck and shit.

Baby, you know I take you to the movies and shit but damn.

What the fuck a nigga gon' spend all that bread for

when I get all the bootlegs before they hit the theater.

- Dontae, a little effort.

That's all I'm asking.

A little effort.

Can you do that for me?

Is that too much to ask?

- Nah, nah.

For you, nah, nah, nah, never, nah.

Nah, baby.

You know I got you.

- Yeah you got me but you need to figure out

how to keep me okay.

- Trina, Trina, look, look.

For real, baby.

Don't be like that, man.

Come on.

What restaurant you wanna go to?

Where you wanna eat at?

Wherever you wanna go.

- For real?

- Yeah.

- Whatever place I wanna go to?

- That's what I said, baby.

- I wanna go to Hometown Buffet.

- Ooh, ooh, that's what I'm talking 'bout.

They got them bomb ass mashed potatoes.

- And it's rib Wednesday.

(glasses clattering)

(bright music)

- Bernard, I just wanted to let you know

that I was divided about asking you over tonight

because I don't really know you.

It probably goes against my better judgment,

but I guess you have to live a little, right.

- I'm harmless.

- So you say.

I'm new to the dating game, you know.

After being married for six years,

I'm a little rusty with all this stuff.

- Well, I'm here to help you work out all of the kinks.

- Like I said on the phone,

there'll be no hanky panky, mister.

- Alright, okay.

I'm cool with that.

- I'm serious.

We have to get to know each first.

Plus, I have two kids to worry about.

- And where are the kids, by the way?

- They're with my mother for the weekend.

- And you do trust your mother, right?

- Of course.

- Then you don't have to worry about the kids then.

- Look, you know exactly what I mean,

so let's not even go there.

How 'bout some wine to break up

this monotonous conversation?

- Sure.

I hope you like red because that's all I have.

- Red is fine.

- Well, unless you wanna go to the store.

We can get something else.

- No, no, red will suffice.

- Okay, usually I have white as well,

but I tend to buy more red

because sometimes I like to have a drink after a meal.

My girl, Kim, she likes Merlot as she calls it.

You probably don't even drink wine, do you?

What do you like to drink when you get your sip on?

Some of that yak?

Isn't it funny how so many black men like Hennessy.

Black men ought to buy stock in

that company don't you think?

That wasn't funny, huh?

- Just pour the wine, please.

- Oh okay.

One for you.

And one for me.

How about a toast?

Here's to moving forward.

- Let's hope so.

- Stop it, silly.

- Deborah.

If it's your goal to never be intimate with me,

then you're doing a pretty damn good job

at accomplishing that.

- Why would I ever want that?

I love sex.

- Well right about now I don't.

- Oh.

(upbeat music)

(doorbell ringing)

(slow music)

- [Alex] Hey there.

- Hi, how are you?

- I'm good.

Come on in.

- I just wanted to apologize for being late.

- That's mighty black of you.

- [Kate] I'm sorry?

- Nothing.

It's just a saying.

You know what I'm saying?

- No.

You have a really nice place here.

- Why thank you, my dear.

- Hi, can I take your coat and your purse?

- [Kate] Why sure.

How hospitable of you.

I don't usually go to the guy's house on the first date.

- And that would be mighty un-white of you.

- [Kate] I'm sorry?

- Nothing.

Have a seat.

- [Kate] Thank you.

- Can I get you something to drink?

- Sure.

How 'bout a little Henny and Coke?

- You're kidding, right?

- Oh no, absolutely not.

It's my top choice when I wanna get my drank on.

- You've got to be joking.

Are you perpetuating the stereotype

that all black men love Cognac?

- Oh heavens no.

I wouldn't make fun of the black race.

I would never do that.

I just really like that drink.

- And how do you even know that I have some?

- Well do you?

- Yes, I do but it's not because I'm black.

It's because I just so happened to like the drink.

Okay yeah.

Do you want that on the rocks or straight?

- Straight please.

- [Alex] Got you.

- I just love your African artwork.

- Thank you.

I'm glad to see that you are

so open-minded about black culture.

- Oh it's second nature for me.

- Oh really?

Well, you know, you're the first white girl

that I've ever hung with.

- You've got to be kidding.

- No, it's true.

Am I the first black guy that you've ever hung with?

- Hell to the nah.

- Well, how many have you hung out with before?

Two, three, maybe four?

- Alex, I've only dated black guys.

- So you haven't even seen your own kind naked?

Black man any.

What do you call this?

- Are you talking about your dick?

- Real white women say cock.

- Oh, so I'm not a real woman now?

- Oh no.

Well not the black girl ghetto neck roll.

Do you say fellatio or head?

- Head.

- Do you swallow?

- Hell no.

- What's your credit score?

- 645.

- Oh no, oh no.

Kate, you got to go.

You got black girl attitude and tendencies.

- Whoa, whoa.

What is going on?

I thought you liked me 'cause I'm down with the brothers.

- [Alex] No.

Kate, you have messed up my white girl fantasy.

You got to go.

Good evening.

No.

Oh my gosh.

(bright music)

- Man, I just can't believe we're standing outside a church

waiting to pick up women, man.

- It was your idea and I'm beginning

to think it was a good one.

See, it's like a virtual nightclub

minus all of the pretentious attention seeking women.

- Yeah it might've been a good idea in theory,

but now we're actually doing, man, I feel like I'm amongst

the bottomless society or something.

Man, we could've at least had the decency

to go inside and fake it, you know.

Attend service or something.

We could've both used the blessings I'll tell you that.

- If you want, we could both bow our heads

and pray for beautiful, Christian women

to fall into our laps.

- Ha ha ha.

Man, I'm serious.

Who knows?

Maybe if I join a new church home,

my luck would turn around.

- I don't mean to rain on your spiritual parade right now,

but we have to take our own futures into our own hands.

That means both our career aspirations

and our women aspirations.

- I just don't know if this is where I need

to be channeling my energy, Alex.

- How long ago did that chick leave you?

- You got a point.

- Okay alright.

Get yourself together.

Here they come.

- [Eric] I am together.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Alright, I'ma leave this one up to you.

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

- Hey, I was just wondering if I could

talk to you for a second.

- Yeah, but make it quick.

My stomach is growling.

- Oh right.

Well, I'm Eric.

Nice to meet you.

- Tanya.

- It's a moving service, wasn't it?

- Were you really in service?

- What?

- Yes, yes.

We were sitting in the back.

- Well, I was in the back, too.

- Well, it's a big church.

- Big church.

It's a big church.

Huge.

- I just find it surprising

that two apparently single men as yourselves

would find the Pastor's service

on discouraging pre-marital sex so moving,

and even more surprising that you'd be

right outside the church after such a message

trying to holler and flirt with women.

- We're not trying to holler and flirt at women.

No we're out here searching for people

to fellowship with like yourself, you know,

'cause we're starting an abstinence group.

- Oh.

Is that right?

- What my friend means is that he'd love

to get your phone number and stay in contact.

Get a bite to eat.

Pray a little bit.

- No.

Thank you though.

I've already got somebody for that.

Y'all a trip.

Have a blessed day.

- You too.

- [Alex] You too.

- Well that worked great.

What's next?

- Just gotta keep punching like Ali.

- Punching?

Yeah.

Yeah well at least you got the number

from that white girl.

What's up with that?

(upbeat music)

* Ooh yeah

* Yeah yeah yeah

* Oh oh oh

- So, what's up, Kim?

I mean, this is our third date, you know.

- What do you mean what's up?

- Well, I mean you know we been

hanging out rather consistently.

You know what I mean?

I'm just trying to get an idea of where this thing is going.

- Well it's going.

We'll continue to go out and see what happens.

- Okay alright, that's cool but you know I'm just saying.

I don't wanna be strung along

if this thing isn't going anywhere, you know.

- No.

If you're asking about the nana,

then I'd have to say no no.

Let's just wait and see what happens.

- Okay alright.

Alright, I mean that's cool, you know,

but I mean I'm saying we haven't any so much as kissed yet.

You know what I mean?

I mean, I just gotta keep it 100 with you.

I'm the type of guy that likes to know

where I stand with someone I'm dating.

You know what I mean?

- Okay.

Well first of all, Brian, we're not dating.

We're just hanging out.

And secondly, I mean sometimes these things

just take time to develop.

You're not just gonna fall in love over night.

Right?

- Right, right.

You right.

Yeah, you right.

You know it take a little time.

Take a little time fall in love.

You right, okay.

But I mean you know, you do like the dinners,

the movies, and the concerts and everything right?

- Yeah, they cool.

- [Brian] Oh okay, alright.

- We'll just continue to have fun and see where it goes.

- Okay.

- [Kim] Okay.

- Alright, that's cool.

That's cool.

- Hey, I almost forgot.

I gotta get gas in the morning

and I don't have any cash on me

and my darn ATM card just keeps acting up.

I just haven't had time to go down to the bank

and get it checked out yet.

- Okay, alright.

So what do you need?

- Well, if you can loan me $20

until I can get down to the bank,

you know I would greatly appreciate it.

- Greatly appreciate.

Shoot, you ain't said nothing but a thing.

Come on now.

I got you.

Come on now.

There you go right there.

Take that.

Girl you know what?

Gas expensive.

Went up another 15 cent last week.

Hold on.

Let me help you out there.

There you go right there.

- Oh, thank you, Brian.

You know I greatly appreciate this.

I really do.

I gotta fix this freaking ATM card

then I'll be real cool.

I promise.

- Come on girl.

It ain't no problem.

Aye.

* That's what friends are for

- Ooh, well you know what?

I gotta get going right now.

I got get up really early for work in the morning.

- Okay, alright.

Wait hold on now.

Hold on.

I mean that's cool and everything,

but you know before you go.

- Ooh.

We are not ready for that just yet.

- But I thought--

- Brian.

Brian, now is not the time.

Now you just keep on spending,

I mean waiting and you never know.

I gotta go now, sweetie.

- Never know.

Oh yeah, you never know.

I know something.

I know I'm 'bout to tear that up.

That's what I know.

Shoot, you never know.

I know something.

She tripping.

You had second thoughts, didn't you?

- Nope.

I almost forgot my lunch for tomorrow.

Bye bye.

- Aw, she trying to flirt with the food,

come get the lunch and flirt with me thing.

That's what she doing.

Okay, alright.

I'ma flirt with you, too.

I know what she trying to do.

- What's up, boo?

- I'm just checking out some jobs, baby.

Think it's time I got a legitimate hustle, you know.

Nigga need his whip fixed.

Plus wanna be able to do some more things for you, baby.

- [Trina] Aww, baby.

That's what's up.

That's what I'm talking 'bout.

- Yeah baby.

- So what's up?

What you get from the 99 cent store?

- [Trina] Oh you know.

Just a few little things.

Cleaning items.

I thought I might hook the house up a little bit.

You know, starting with the bathroom

'cause you know your aim is whack.

- Whack?

Hey, but I know just how to hit your spot.

Bullseye every time.

- Speaking of that.

I bought these for you.

And I also got these for me.

Just to stay on point.

- [Dontae] Dual colored latex condoms.

Home pregnancy test.

Damn baby, I didn't know they sold

all that shit at the 99 cent store.

- Yes, they do and you know you been slipping lately

so no more raw dogging it for you.

- That's bullshit.

I know you better get your ass down there to that clinic

and get some more of them pills of yours.

- No, you better get your ass down

to the Social Security office and get you a jiz-zob

so you can get some money to buy those pills.

They ain't free.

- Oh, you just got all the answers, huh?

You a fool with it.

Come here, let me tell you something.

- [Trina] What?

- Look, you trying to use these?

What you gon' buy them for?

You gotta see if they work.

(upbeat music)

- She paid.

I can't believe she paid.

I can't believe a woman actually paid for a date.

- [Deborah] Bernard, you are crazy.

- Hey, it's hard enough to get a woman

to pick up your phone call let alone the tab.

- Well, it's the least I could do

after that first uncomfortable meeting we had.

- Yeah, it was quite interesting.

Normally I would've deleted you from my phone.

- I'm glad you showed patience with me

because again, I am re-acclimating myself

to the wonderful world of dating.

- I understand that but I don't think you understand

what a monumental moment this is.

You know what?

I gotta call my mother.

- Okay, you can stop now.

I get it.

- But I really do appreciate the gesture, Deborah, really.

- I take it you haven't had

that many successful dates recently.

- Success for me is getting a smile

and a thank you out of a woman.

You know dating for me isn't a pastime

nor is it a recreational sport.

You know but you gotta do it.

Now marriage.

Marriage, that seems easy.

- This coming from a man who has yet

to walk down that path.

Marriage has its benefits but not guarantees.

You wake up everyday to the same person.

You argue quite frequently.

You have sex less frequently.

And then you--

- Get a divorce?

- Yup, that's my story.

But don't let me discourage you though.

- Sometimes you have to throw it out there

and see what you get.

- Sometimes you'll come back with the catch of your life

or just something you'll have to throw back into the sea.

- Come on, let's get out of here.

- Okay.

- Let's spend some more of your money.

- (laughs) Okay.

- So how's the job hunting?

- Oh, it's going well.

You know actually I have some interviews

I'm pretty optimistic about.

- And the lady hunting?

- You know.

I ain't been doing that lately, you know.

Think I'ma just sit back, you know.

Just see how things happen.

How 'bout you?

- I gotta job interview this week for a temp position

that could lead to a permanent one.

Right now I'll take anything that I can get.

This ballin' on a budget, it ain't the business.

- I feel you there.

Yeah, my severance is almost fully depleted.

- Hey, you ever notice how the job hunting process

and dating parallel each other so closely?

- Nah, I can't say I do.

- Yeah see, when you go out on a job interview,

you submit your resume and you're evaluated

based upon their criteria.

When you go out on a date, you're evaluated based upon

your own personal proverbial resume.

- Oh and you're both generally selected

from a big pool of applicants on both sides.

- Exactly.

- Yeah, you gotta go through a bunch

of bullshit on both sides in hopes of being selected.

- And the more interviews you get, the better your chances.

Yeah.

- True but unfortunately the employers

nor women seem to be hiring niggas these days.

- (laughs) Alex.

- Case in point.

This fine Mexican chick back here.

Now she's probably like most of these Latin babes out here

that they would rather talk to

some shaved head chulo with no ambition as opposed

to a universally handsome brother like ourselves.

Full of potential.

- What?

I don't know about that one, Alex.

Alex.

- [Alex] No?

- I don't think so.

- Well go and get her number then.

- Who me?

- No, you.

Go over and there and give it a try.

See how far you get.

- Well I mean, shoot why not?

I mean, sisters been brutally rejecting me.

Let's see how the Mexicanas do.

Aye, aye, aye.

Alright, I'ma go.

(bright music)

(speaks in foreign language)

- Yo, yo (speaks in foreign language).

My name is Eric.

- Hi, Eric.

I'm Marta.

Nice to meet you.

- Well good to meet you.

It looks like you're reading a book there.

- I'm just studying.

I'm a nursing student actually.

- A student?

Oh, oh that's good.

That's good.

Yeah, nah that's pretty cool.

And you're studying you said nursing?

Yeah okay 'cause you gotta get A's to be the top nurse.

- [Marta] Gotta get A's.

- In the hospital.

Yeah.

I probably let you get back to studying then.

It's nice to meet you but maybe I can

call you sometime though.

- I'm sorry.

I have a boyfriend.

- Oh, don't be sorry.

Nah, that's good.

That's actually a good thing 'cause I like

when you know when men and women getting together.

You know, man and woman coming together.

So right, how civilizations are created.

Okay so, cool Marta.

- [Marta] Eric.

- You remember.

That's good.

So I think I'll like I said I'll let you back

to being the top nurse.

- Bye.

- [Eric] Okay.

- So how'd it go?

- Good.

No, really, really good.

You know, she was feeling me.

She was really feeling me but she had a boyfriend.

Yeah, what can you do?

- Well my friend, rejection's a part of life.

Unfortunately, we seem to almost always be

on the receiving end of it.

- Right, but you know, she had a boyfriend.

So, I hardly call that rejection.

- Are you happy?

- [Deborah] I'm happy.

- Are you sure you're happy?

- Yes, I'm sure I'm happy.

Are you happy?

- I'm cool.

- What does that mean, I'm cool?

- It means I'm content.

I like some of the guys I'm dating.

I mean most of 'em.

They all serve a purpose.

I can't just easily narrow in on one man like you.

- Most men X themselves out.

Remember Ricky?

That guy I met at the gym

and then regretted giving my number to?

- Vaguely.

- He called me asking me to come through.

When I told him I had the kids he said so what?

Put 'em to sleep.

And you know what I said?

- [Kim] What?

- Nothing.

I hung up on his ass.

Thank God for caller ID.

I just hope he gets the message

when I don't return his phone calls.

- I mean girl, some men just don't get it, right?

It's like, if you call me two times or more

and I have not called you back yet,

it means I'm not interested in you.

- Is it still okay to give out fake numbers

or did that play out in the 90s?

- Deborah, now you have to do whatever you have to do

to shake off the undesirables.

- Why does dating have to be so difficult?

- Was marriage that more simpler?

Just take care of you alright?

- Seems selfish.

You know, Bernard and I went out the other day.

- Oh really?

Now wait a second.

I thought you messed that up.

- He understood this whole dating thing

is a major adjustment for me,

and as a good faith gesture I paid for the date.

- You did what?

Okay, did you go on a coffee date?

- No, we went to a show and then lunch afterwards.

- Deborah, women don't have to pay for dates

because we don't have to.

It's about supply and demand,

and men demand what we have to supply them with.

And you know what that is.

And you gotta make 'em work for it.

- This is too difficult for me.

- Oh my goodness.

Paying for a date.

- Come on, pick up.

Pick up.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

(phone vibrating)

Alex, what's up man?

- Nothing much.

Just getting ready for my big date coming through.

- Oh okay, okay.

Well you know, I'ma let you get back to that,

but aye before I do, got some good news for you, man.

About your boy.

- Shoot, I'm listening.

- Alright well you know.

Speaking of dates.

I met a cool girl, man.

A real cool girl.

Guess what?

- What's up?

- She black.

She black, man.

I mean, she beautiful, cool, down to earth.

Real good personality.

Man, she act like she got her own stuff.

- Cool.

- And man look, you'll never believe it.

I got a second interview for this job, man.

It's a real good one, too.

Pays more than the last one.

- Aye, that's tight, man.

Yeah, seems like you got things

moving in the right direction.

Looks like you really doing your thing.

Well look, let me know how it goes.

- Oh yeah, no doubt.

I will, I will.

You know, let me let you get back to your business, man.

Handle yours.

And I'm just gonna get ready for this big date tomorrow.

- Okay cool.

- Alright man.

- Yeah.

(soft music)

(knocking on door)

- What's happening, Alex?

- Bertha.

Hurry up, come on in.

(upbeat music)

Have a seat on the couch.

On the couch, Bertha.

Not in the kitchen.

- Oh okay, cool.

Wow, I've never seen your place with the lights on before.

Looks fly.

- Oh yeah.

I just like to conserve energy.

No need in wasting energy if we don't have to.

- Oh okay, well I'm feeling that.

That's real with your cute energy conscious self (laughs).

What you got the yak out?

But you ain't got no food to go with this drink

'cause I'm working with an empty stomach over here?

- You sure about that?

- Huh?

- It's 11 o'clock so.

- Yeah I guess you right.

It is kind of late for me to be munching.

Speaking of late how come you always invite me over so late?

- Well you know I'm working the swing shift these days.

Two to 10 so.

- Oh okay.

Well, let me get my head right before I hook you up.

You know how I do.

Ooh, I'm finna to get faded.

I might have to crash at your place tonight if I do.

(upbeat music)

- I got a job.

Yes.

And I got a date.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I got a job.

Yes.

Yes.

(bright music)

So I guess it's safe to assume you don't have a boyfriend.

Right?

I mean hey, you never know these days.

Just let me know if I talk too much.

I have a tendency to do that.

It's this nervous thing I got.

Yeah.

You ever been on a date and you just dying inside

to know what the other person's thinking?

Yeah.

And this whole dating process can be a pretty painful thing.

Right?

You trying to figure out somebody's dislikes and their likes

and hoping that you don't say the wrong thing.

I mean, I like bowling and you like bowling.

I like Mexican food and you like Mexican food.

You like the missionary position.

I love the missionary position.

That was a joke.

I was just seeing if you were still with me.

Oh God.

I hope I didn't say the wrong thing and screw this up.

Did I?

Okay 'cause it's this dry sense of humor I got, you know.

Some people don't pick up on it immediately.

I guess that's why I'm probably relationship type of guy.

I mean 'cause of moments like this.

I feel silly right now, you know.

Should I?

So we're cool then?

So am I gonna get a second date?

Cool.

(upbeat music)

- I know this shirt little.

Maybe they'll give me a bigger one

when I get off probation.

- [Trina] You look good, baby.

- What is that you over there preparing, baby?

- Just a little something before your first day at work.

You know.

- Is that what I think it is?

- [Trina] A little something.

- Is that what I think it is?

- Just a little something.

- The OG fried bologna.

Baby, is that that processed meat?

That's the fuck I'm talking about, baby.

Damn, if I had known it was going down like that,

a nigga would've been got a job.

I ain't had one of them motherfuckers

since I was a little kid.

Shit.

- I'm so proud of you, boo.

Get your orange juice over there on the counter.

- For sure, baby.

Know you a trip though, you know.

Even though a nigga got this little part time job,

you know your boy still gonna be out here grinding.

I'm talking about putting it in every night, every day.

You know, just a little 62 ain't nothing, baby.

Niggas don't even get up 'til four o'clock anyways,

so I'm just gonna get this legal paper in,

and at 2:05 every motherfucking day,

I'm on the block getting my cheese,

getting these pillows out on they ass.

Baby, they want this kush.

- [Trina] Uh uh, you crazy.

Come get this sandwich.

- Shit, you ain't gotta tell me twice, baby.

Thank you.

- [Trina] You're welcome.

- [Dontae] Damn, I like you so much.

- Like?

- Shit.

You know what I'm talking 'bout?

Aye, on the real, baby.

- What?

- Trill shit.

You might be a keeper.

I mean, you keep up the good work.

- Please, you already know.

This shit right here.

This shit right here, nigga.

This shit is the bam.

Okay, don't play.

- We'll see.

We'll check your progress report out.

- Yo, I've been thinking, man.

I've been settling for less.

I mean, I got this temp job.

Got a bunch of regular broads on my team.

I gotta step my game up.

- Yeah nah I know.

I mean, I was feeling the same way.

Like I should be further in life or something,

but then I got this job, man, that I'm starting next week

and the girl that I'm kicking with now.

Man, I'm feeling her.

Yeah you know, I feel like things are back on track now.

You know?

- You know I like you, Eric.

You remind me of me.

The way I used to be.

Nice guy.

But nice guys, well you know the rest.

The corporate America and these broads out here,

they will chew you up and spit you out

when they're done with you.

- Yeah I mean, I know what you're saying.

I know, but I gotta be me, man.

- Being you ain't working, dog.

I mean, you dripping with weak sauce.

I mean look at you, man.

- Whoa, what's wrong with me?

- Yo, you gotta start thinking outside the box, man.

Come on, live a little bit.

Sack up.

You falling in love with a chick

you just met two weeks ago.

Come on.

Man, for real.

- Man you know, I mean.

That's what I want, I mean.

What's wrong with that?

I don't see what's wrong.

- You making my allergies act up.

- Your allergies?

- Yeah 'cause I'm allergic to relationships

and I'm damn sure allergic to falling in love

with a girl I just met two weeks ago.

Eric, for a man there's absolutely nothing

to be gained by being in a relationship.

Oh, I detect a little bit of anxiety over there.

Oh, oh, oh.

Case I see you sweating all up

in the neck and chest area.

What's going on?

You feeling kind of uneasy or something?

- Man, whatever man.

- Okay.

I'm a fair man.

I'm a fair guy.

How 'bout this?

Give me one good reason for a man

to ever settle down let alone now?

- Companionship.

- Seriously?

- Yeah.

- That's the best reason you can come up with?

Eric, I have a new companion every night in my bed.

- Alex, I don't get you, man.

I mean.

Some woman hurt you, man?

Like, did somewhere along the line

some lady just absolutely do you wrong or something?

Is this where you get your disdain for women from?

- No, I don't get hurt.

I brings the pain, dog.

- Oh.

- You see.

I brings the pain.

See, the last time a woman came up to me.

Chick come up to me talking 'bout some sort of relationship,

she left out of my crib with my size 13's

attached to her behind, yeah.

Chick named Allison.

Yeah.

Yeah, oh Allison.

She was alright but she's okay,

but I mean I just kept her around

'cause she was a beast in the bed.

I mean, ooh.

Yeah and she bought me stuff, too.

Decorated half of my apartment (laughs).

- Allison, huh?

- [Alex] Yeah.

- Yeah I mean, that's a common name.

Yeah, so I mean.

She was pretty cool though, right?

- Yeah, she was straight.

She was straight.

Just not relationship material.

Now if, if I ever settle down, she gotta be a dime.

A ten piece, you feel me?

- Yeah.

Yeah, no, no.

No, man, no.

You know what, Alex man?

I ain't trying to knock your style or nothing like that,

but I think I'm a one woman at a time kinda dude.

That's just what makes me comfortable, man really.

- Cool, cool.

But when your little heart gets stepped on

by a stiletto heel, don't come running to me.

Okay?

- Hope to God I don't have to.

Here you go.

- Appreciate it, man.

- Aye, you know what?

I was thinking about having a little

get together at my house.

You know what I mean?

Like celebrate my ventures.

Got the new job.

Have some people come over.

What you think?

- I'm down with that.

I'll invite a few people if you don't mind.

You know what I'm saying?

We'll make the most of it.

- Yeah, alright.

The more the merrier.

- Cool.

- Alright cool.

- You ready?

- [Allison] Oh, I can't believe you said that.

- [Eric] Say the craziest things sometimes.

- This is some good coffee.

- Oh yeah, I guess we got a good batch.

I don't know.

- So this is one of your favorite spots?

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah nah, I'd say this is my spot.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Why don't you bring me back here sometime?

Quality date.

Good coffee, good conversation.

Of course good people.

- Well cheers.

Clink.

(laughing)

- I do that.

- Stop playing.

- I do.

I do that.

- No you don't.

- Yes, I do.

I say clink.

- Well you know.

Good minds think alike.

Great, great.

We're great.

- Great.

- Clink.

Good, good.

You know I really never thought

I'd be eating one of these things.

- Why not?

- Well you know, I mean.

Buying hot dogs from a corner cart

ain't necessarily the most sanitary thing in the world.

You know?

- Ouch, mood killer.

- I'm just saying you know the health department

probably don't go around slinging licenses

to people selling meat products

on these small infested streets of L.A., you know.

- Ouch, mood killer.

- I'm sorry.

- That's alright 'cause this is way too good

to stop eating it now, right?

Try with the jalapenos.

Try the jalapenos.

- Ooh, that's hot.

- That's good, right.

(laughing)

Oh my God.

I love it down here.

- Oh, it's nice.

I like this.

- Yeah.

- It makes it feel like the east coast a little bit.

- A little bit.

I like it.

It's good.

Come on.

Well, I guess my diet's gone out the window today.

- [Eric] What you talking 'bout?

I thought we were living a little.

- Point well taken.

- [Eric] Okay.

- You know, who knew you could meet

such a sweetheart at a gas station?

- Well I just say thank God your gas cap was stuck.

Otherwise I never would have approached you.

I was checking you out though.

- [Allison] Yeah?

- [Eric] Mhmm, yeah.

Yeah.

- Well you know there is this homeless guy

I let pump my gas before that,

and he was a little heavy on the twisting.

- Oh well thank you Joe homeless guy.

(laughing)

Otherwise I never would have met lady at pump number six.

- Thank you gentleman at pump number seven.

Coffee, hot dogs, yogurt.

- What?

- I'm a cheap date.

- Oh no, no.

- Well wait.

You couldn't have spent more than what $20.

- Actually $21 but no more than $40.

But who's counting, right?

- You are.

(laughing)

- Yeah, but the chemistry's great

and I'd say that's priceless.

- Indeed it is.

- Yeah.

Listen.

I got probably less than two weeks

before I have to go back to work

and I'd really like it if we could spend

maybe every other day together until then.

If that's not asking too much.

- No, it may not be enough.

(upbeat music)

* Yeah

* Ooh

- [Alex] Honestly, I've very proud of you, Eric.

- [Eric] Oh, well thanks brother.

- [Man] Hey, what's going on?

- I wanted to introduce y'all to my friend, Alex.

Alex, this is Larry and Big Al.

- How you doing?

- These are my boys from way, way back man.

- Way back, man, we been kicking it.

- [Eric] Hey cuz, I'ma check with y'all later, alright.

- Alright, man.

- Let's go check out some other folks.

- Yeah, I'm wondering where all the white women

and the cocaine girls up in here, man.

Eric's a white collared brother now,

so we need some of them white collared party favors.

You know what I'm saying?

- Well, I'll take the white girls

and you can keep that cocaine.

- Man, it was a joke, bruh.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

I knew that.

- You ain't know shit.

- Deborah.

- Hey.

- [Eric] Who's your friend?

- Bernard, Eric.

Eric, Bernard.

- Oh, it's good to meet you, brother.

- Hi.

- Oh this is Alex.

- How you doing?

- By the way, my boss hired a white boy.

- Ah.

- But congratulations on the new job, Eric.

That's what's up.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- So how much is it paying?

- Oh, what Kim means is that she's looking

to advance from her current job.

- Oh, oh yeah.

Well, let me get a little more time under my belt

and then maybe build some rapport with the key players

and I can see if there's some openings for you.

- Aw, thank you.

Thank you.

- [Eric] Yeah, no problem.

- Don't forget your boy.

- Oh yeah, no doubt man.

Well, it's good to meet you, man.

- Likewise, brother.

Y'all keep on enjoying yourselves.

Thanks for coming.

Hey.

- Cool cats.

So Kim, you're still single right?

- Oh no, no.

Not my type.

- [Bernard] Why?

Too young?

- No, too broke.

- You are shameless.

- What?

- Now Connie and Jeanine.

Now with these two you see right now

I'm still in the friendship zone.

That's only because I brought up the idea of a threesome.

I'm still trying though.

Now if you want, I can cancel.

Yeah, I mean pick one.

- I'm good, man.

You know.

- Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric, Eric.

You're glowing and it's showing.

You're still thinking about this wonderful girl

you've been ranting and raving about I guess.

- Yeah well, I guess that's why I'm so elated, man.

- But look, why don't we just at least

meet these two beautiful, beautiful young ladies?

And while you're still officially singe, it can't hurt.

- Yeah well, I doubt I'll change my mind, man.

This girl special.

- Come on.

Connie, Jeanine.

Connie.

- Hi.

- Hello.

What's up, beautiful?

- Thank you.

- And Jeanine.

This is the man of the hour.

My good friend, Eric.

- Nice to meet you, ladies.

- Nice to meet you, too.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice place you got here.

- Oh, it's something you know.

Whatever.

- Yeah, how long have you been here?

- About two years now.

- Do you know if there's any other vacancies

because we're looking for a place?

- Yeah.

- Oh you're roommates?

- That's what I was trying to tell you.

- Oh okay.

Well, I can talk to the manager and see what he says.

- Okay.

- Okay.

- Connie and Jeanine are budding actresses.

- And bartenders by night.

- [Eric] Oh, dope personalities.

- [Connie] Yeah.

- Don't have to be a star, baby, to be in my show.

- (laughs) Wow.

- Alex is a nut.

- [Eric] Yeah.

- See we like our guys more tame and submissive.

- Oh, oh okay.

Well, oh shoot.

I'll get it.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, come here.

You smell so good.

Come on in, come on in.

- [Allison] You look nice.

- Thanks.

Everybody, everybody.

This is Allison.

- Hi.

- How you doing?

- Hi guys.

- Wow.

Wow.

Small world.

- Y'all know each other?

- [Alex] So this is who you was so big on, huh?

I gotta tell you I was expecting someone a little different.

- Eric, Alex and I used to date.

- Oh, is that what you wanna call it?

Eric, you know how I get down.

Dog, I don't mean to burst your bubble or anything like that

but I used to beat it up savagely.

I'm talking I used to go gorilla on it.

Just--

- I get the point, Alex.

- But she's cool though.

Yeah, yeah.

Very giving.

It's so funny that I'm not really surprised.

You know, you guys on the same level.

You know, low self-esteem and all that.

Aw, did she try that trick on you yet with the ice cubes?

- You know what?

You truly are one arrogant, self centered son of a bitch.

One day you gon' find yourself in life all alone, too.

Until that day, you need to get out.

- [Alex] Get out?

- Yeah, get out.

- You gonna mess up our friendship over one mediocre chick?

- Dog, we not friends and she's definitely not mediocre.

Now get out.

- Okay.

Excuse me, ladies.

- You used to date that guy?

That's so disgusting.

- This is way too uncomfortable for me.

I gotta go.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.

(bright music)

(knocking on door)

- Party's over.

Go home.

- Hey.

- Allison.

Hey.

I didn't expect you back here.

- Well, I figured you guys might still be partying

and I felt guilty about running out that way.

- Oh.

I mean, everybody pretty much

left not too long after you, after you walked out.

It was a pretty awkward moment.

- Look, I wanna apologize to you.

- For what?

You didn't do anything.

- For my association with my former associate.

I was vulnerable.

I hit a very low point back then

when I was dealing with him.

It was not me, you know.

- You know what?

Former and associate are two good words

to probably describe my relationship with him, too.

I mean, hey you know.

We met for a reason.

And I think I can move on past it if you can.

- I'm way past it.

I just I look at it as killing time until I met the person

that I really wanted to spend my time with.

Hint hint.

- My thoughts exactly.

I mean, 'cause every woman has a dog in her life

and our mutt is Alex.

- Alright well, let's forget about the past

and move on into the future.

Cool? - Cool.

Cool.

- Cool.

- Future it is.

I'll get that for you.

You know before we move into the future,

I gotta ask you something.

- Okay.

- Could you help me clean this place up?

- (laughs) Yeah.

Yes, I can.

Let go of that first.

Where are your trash bags?

- They're in the kitchen.

- Alright, I'll go.

- No, I'll get 'em.

We can get 'em together.

Come on.

(upbeat music)

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Oh yeah

* I found, I found

* Love on a two way street

* On a two way street

* Love on a two way street

* Mm yeah

* On way

* You and me we got it special

* On way

* Something good it makes us glow *

* On way

* I've been waiting all day long *

* On way

* For you to come home baby

* Love on a two way street

* I can't wait

* It's gonna be on

* On way

* In love, you and I will make a song *

* On way

* You sing lead, I'll take the background *

* On way

* And baby I want you to rest

* While I try my best to love you *

* Yeah

* I found love and I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good

* I just can't describe it

* Love on a two way street

* It seems like every time we get together it's magic *

* Love on a two way street

* Maybe it's lust but I got to have it *

* On way

* It's like every time you step into a room *

* On way

* The man on pause makes me split jazz *

* On way

* Girl I admit I took you in

* On way

* You shouldn't be so damn fine *

* So damn fine

* Some day

* We'll play, we'll laugh, we'll cry *

* Some day

* We gonna have to face the fact we'll fight *

* On way

* I'll be waiting all night long *

* On way

* For you to come home to me baby *

* Love on a two way street

* I found love and I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good I just can't describe it *

* Love on a two way street

* Seems like every time we get together it's magic *

* Love on a two way street

* Maybe it's lust but I got to have it *

* Love on a two way street

* I found love and I can't deny it *

* Love on a two way street

* Baby it's good

* I just can't describe it

* Love on a two way street

* Seems like every time we get together it's magic *

* Love on a two